The Life She Once Knew with Vanna Nguyen & Anna Donato - Episode 396

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Welcome to Voices in My Head.

In My Head, the official podcast of me, Rick Lee James. I'm a recording artist, a singer, a songwriter, an author, a worship leader, and an ordained minister in the Church of the Nazarene. The Voices in My Head podcast is where I discuss music, movies, books, pop culture, theology, and more with friends, colleagues, and sometimes just by myself. Now make sure to let me know what you think of today's episode by leaving me a review on iTunes or by tweeting at me @RickLeeJames Twitter. And please join my mailing list at RickLeeJames.com where you can receive an email every time a new episode is released. By the way, in case you're interested in a daily dose of kindness and encouragement beyond this podcast, I also run the Twitter account @MrRogersSay where I post daily quotes from Fred Rogers, one of the voices in my head. Well, I guess that's it for the intro, so sit back, relax, and listen to the latest episode of Voices in My Head. Welcome back to Voices in My Head. As always, I'm your host, Rick Lee James, and I thank you so much for being here with us for another great episode this week. Just a disclaimer at the top of today's show: while this show is ultimately one about faith and forgiveness, I do want to let you know that we will be talking about some mature themes in this episode, like sexual assault. So if there are any young children who may be listening, or if you feel like this is a topic that you aren't ready to engage with personally today, You might want to select a different episode in our catalog for right now, or read the show notes at voicesinmyheadpodcast.com for a summary of our episode before listening. Well, in 1981, a mother faced death as she lay on the floor of a small boat in the South China Sea, fleeing for her life after the Vietnam War. In 2008, her daughter lay awaiting death after being brutally raped and beaten while returning books at the Bloomingdale Regional Library. The brutal attack against Quena left her with a traumatic brain injury and the inability to walk, see, or speak. While Vanna Nguyen poured herself into helping her severely disabled daughter after the attack, she also struggled with reliving her own history and more so with how to forgive the young man who hit her daughter so forcefully that he cracked her skull— stole her daughter's innocence, took away her daughter's future, and changed both of their lives forever. In her new book, The Life She Once Knew, published by Ambassador International, Vanna Nguyen speaks candidly about faith, love, and forgiveness through hard times and chronicles the deeply emotional and powerful journeys of these two women as they fight for their lives and their futures decades apart. Vanna Nguyen and her daughter Anna Donato are with us tonight for this conversation. Anna and Vanna, welcome to Voices in My Head. Well, this evening, Vanna, let's start by digging into your story a bit. Your father was an officer in the South Vietnamese military. And when North Vietnam took over the country in 1975, he was imprisoned and your family's life was upended. I wonder, would you mind telling us part of your story about how you ended up from being in Vietnam to coming to America from there?

Yes, Rick. First, thank you for us to be here on your show tonight. 1975, when the communists, North communists took over our South Vietnam, they won the war. So my family from the very wealthy life there and then turned upside down and we very poor and we sell everything we have in the house, including my bed. And anything in the house to buy the food. And we end up later have empty house. We sleep on the floor and we don't have anything to use. And then my dad, 5 years later, he got released from the horrible prison in the North Vietnam. And he came home and he told me one night, "You cannot survive here. You have to go. You have to go looking for your future. We need your help for take care your mom, your dad, and your brother and sister here in Vietnam." We are very poor, we don't have food. And that night I look at my dad, I say, yes, I go looking for my future. I get need to know what I need to do. And then my dad said, no worry, he already set up the small boat about 30 feet. I have to leave with 30 people on the boat to the South China Sea. And then my dad took me to the west of Saigon. That city name is Can Tho. And then he took me to the boat and he gave me the chain to wear on my neck. On that chain have his military number. And also the note, the address of my aunt in California. That's all he left for me.

Wow.

And yeah, and that night when we left, that night is very dark. Have no moon, no star, anything. I think they choose that night to escape because, you know, it's dark. For the government, it's not easy to find us. But then they found us and they shooting us on the river. We still in the river. They shooting us back and forth and our boat broke. And, but then that the first time I experienced my own miracle. It's a huge storm came. It does not use for the February when we left and the hailstorm came and then our boat up and down and then the government, they give up and they came back and finally our boat is free, go to the international water.

Wow.

And but then after that, our boat is broke, water get inside everywhere. And very dangerous situation. And long story continue for that, we have couple miracle until we reach Malaysia, the camp, the refuel camp over there. And then I stay in the camp, camping for 3 months, and my aunt from California sponsor me, and I met my aunt in California 3 months later. And I start my life when I'm 18 years old, no family, nobody, only by myself. Then I start to learn English, learn to driving the car, and go looking for the job. But then after that, I working very hard and I have very successful later on. But That can talking about when you working hard, you will get whatever your goal to have it. Yes. Wow.

Well, what an amazing story. Thank you for sharing that. I'm amazed at the way that you were brought out of Vietnam, and even hearing that story of being chased, how terrifying that must have been for you to go through, especially as such a young person, and then to spend all that time at sea. And I'm amazed at your story, just the way that you have learned English and that you speak it so well. And I commend you for that because it's not an easy language, as I'm learning again, helping my son who is, who is in the second grade right now and relearning all of the English rules with him. English is not an easy language, is it, to pick up on. So you've done a wonderful job. But all of the way that you started your life again and helping, living with your aunt, and it's an amazing story. And part of that amazing story is, uh, is your two daughters. And do you only have two daughters? Are Quina and Anna your only two, or do you have more children?

I have only two. Anna is my older daughter and Quina is second one.

Okay.

Well, they are They are 3 years apart.

Okay, well, they are a great part of your story as well. And, and Anna, we're glad to have you with us here on this podcast tonight. And, and Anna, I wonder if you— because I would love to talk about Queenah a little bit this evening— and I wonder if Anna, you could tell us about your sister a little bit and what it was like growing up with her, what kind of a person she is.

Hi Rick, thanks so much for having me on your show.

Sure.

I, um, my mom's story is so amazing. Like, every time she tells it, I, it just feels to know that, you know, what she went through, uh, to get to America. And I am the first, uh, first generation in our family to be born in the United States. My mom's oldest, as she was saying, and my sister came soon after. She was born 3 and a half years after me, and we were two peas in a pod. My mom being a refugee, you know, she just— we just lived a different lifestyle culturally.

Sure.

Um, then some of the other children that, you know, were, you know, in school with us— my mom was a really, really hard worker. She came from nothing, and she had to work, um, several, several hours a day, morning to night. And, um, that really put a lot of responsibility on me to step up and take care of Quina, um, you know, and, and be that big sister and also a little bit of a motherly role to her as well. So we had a really unique relationship, uh, Quina and me. With that being said, she was like a joy to be around all the time, did not make it hard for me to, you know, to be her sister and her best friend and sometimes her mom. Queenette, she had an incredibly positive outlook on everything. Um, she was very kind and she had a huge heart. Um, she was quiet, but when she did have something to say, everybody listened because it was just so cute and so sweet all the time. Um, and she She just lit up the room every time she walked in. And I, you know, I was just very impressed by how well she carried herself, you know, at a young age. When it's just my mom by herself, a single mom, and me and her, and she always was very poised.

Sure.

And very mature for her age.

Hmm. Well, that's amazing. So, you know, I love hearing the story about you and young Quena and how you grew up. And obviously your mother must have worked incredibly hard. It must not be— it's not something most of us like myself who grew up in the United States can understand what a challenge that must be. So you've already overcome so many things by this time in the story when we get to talking about the tragedy that happened with Quena. But as your story goes, when Quena was 18 years old, she was a high school student. She was weeks away from graduating and going to college, and she was simply on her way one night to return books to the Bloomingdale Regional Library in East Hillsborough County And she was attacked, as we talked about before on the show in the introduction, and tragically it left her unable to walk or to see or to speak or live on her own. And today she still requires constant care. And I struggle to find— as I'm finding a question, as I was thinking about things to ask to both of you, I feel like we need to just take a moment just to acknowledge this profoundly cruel and tragic crime that happened to Quena and how it changed all of your lives. What a difficult thing that must be to deal with. And, and I wonder if, if Vanna, maybe you could answer this question for me. Quena must be an incredibly strong woman to have survived an attack like this and the assault like this, and I think you must be an incredibly strong person as well. I wonder what life was like for you in the days and weeks right after Quina was attacked, and just what life began to look like for you, especially in those beginning days as you began to adjust to all of this.

You cannot imagine my life after Quina attack. I'm not me myself at all. I look like the person walk around with no soul. I, I have no idea about anything, and I give up my life. I quit my job right away and stay home, go clean, take care of her 24 hours because I think she is too young and I just want to give up my life to take care of her. So I just stay home and very overwhelming from the first few years. You cannot imagine how much I stuck with everything. I have to learn everything from the book, from the internet, from the doctor, from the nurse, and from everything until I get it today. So I can tell I'm okay today to take care of Quina, but the first few years, I'm so nervous for everything. Queen, I have seizure like every day. And when I open my eyes in the morning, the first thing I thinking is, what is today? Monday or Tuesday? After that, I have to remember what is Monday, what her schedule. Her schedule is so full every day. She can, she can stay on the hospital bed and hanging out, but I think she's very young. I don't want her muscle getting weak, so I force her a lot to do exercise every day. And it's not easy for Quina at the first few years, and it hurt me so bad when I saw Quina had to work very hard like that. But then until today, you know, we get used to it and we think that is normal for us right now. But the first few years, I struggle to adapt with my new life and create a new life and a family, new life. And you never can imagine about how hard is it. It's very difficult. It's very hard. You know, I'm from a businesswoman. I own many nail shops around the country and I love travel and I'm very social. I'm very friendly. I'm very open. I'm very good in business. But then boom, now, you know, I just stay home 24 hours with her and I don't have any friends with me. I get by myself, you know, all day long with Quina. I'm in and out with her. And right now I stand in her bedroom, the bedroom she had before the attack. And that is very emotional for me because I don't want to get rid of this room. I still want to keep it. Her stuff still in this room, her book bag still in there. And her everything still in the room. But sometimes, you know, I come to her room before just for find me the time the woman of see before so I can push myself harder to try to make her improving a little bit more. Every day, and I'm kind of person not going to give up easy.

Sure.

I don't know what the improving. I don't know what tomorrow bring us, but today I still do it. Even I don't know what is come. I don't know what is I doing today and then what the result for tomorrow. I don't know. But, you know, but I just have faith. I trust in God on everything.

Wow. Well, what an amazing person. What amazing people you are. And I'm so— I'm moved by your story. I'm moved by the care and the love that you have for your daughters. And the way that you have sacrificially given of yourself for both of them, really, but especially to Quina and the extra care that she needs. And I want to thank you for describing a little bit of what a day in your life— of how things have changed for you and the way that you have relied on God and trusted in these times. Anna, I bet you are very proud of your mother and of Quina both, I would assume. And I wanted to ask you a question tonight. As a sister and a daughter, I wonder, what do you most admire about your mother and about Quina?

My mother is, well, as you've heard, is extremely humble, and she has sacrificed so much for us. Um, and I, I really, I respect that. I, I see everything that she's given up to take care of my sister. Um, but the, the trait that I admire the most about my mom is how hopeful she is. And it's, it's what she clings to in order to make it another day. And that would be the hope that she has in the future and the faith that she has that, that in healing, um, and, and the strength, you know, that she has and how much purpose she feels in, uh, in her life and how much her, you know, her life is just so purpose-driven. So it's those cornerstones that my mom really clings on to to get from day to day. And I, and I really look up to her. She is a role model to me because I feel that she's doing everything for the right reason, and she really does have God on her side. And that, that's just something that inspires me every day.

Hmm, well, that's amazing for sure, and wow, just so, so commendable. I, I wanted to ask, did they ever catch the person who did this to Queenah? Was he ever brought to justice?

They did apprehend him shortly after the attack. While Quino was still in the emergency room. And he was later brought to trial and he was found guilty on all counts. And after that, he was sentenced for 65 years of life in prison. And just a few years ago, we had what is called a resentencing. Because he was a minority at the time that he committed the crime, his defense attorneys felt that his sentence was cruel and unusual for his age. So they proceeded with a resentencing, which opened up, which potentially would have opened it up for more time in prison. And that was ultimately the outcome. He was resentenced to life in prison. About 3 years ago.

Hmm, wow. I have to wonder really for both of you, but I'm gonna ask Vanna this question. Were you able to really forgive this person that did this to your daughter, or is it something that you still find yourself daily struggling with?

For me, for keep going, for keep moving forward, I cannot think about that. I cannot think about him. But for God, we lorry. I forgive him because God deserve it. I never think about if I want to forgive him or I don't want to forgive him. I give everything forgive. But if I forgive him, that's just because I want give up God glory. But you know, my life is very, very busy. I don't have a moment to think about him from beginning. It's so many news and media come and want to interview us about the, about the crime. I get refused everything. I don't want to think about it because I don't want to broke down. You get, you get amazing if, if your daughter, and then, and then you just keep thinking, keep thinking about it, how you have the strength for take care of your daughter. I had to put that away behind me, but because I'm the Christian, God teach me to forgive. I love my God. I forgive him because I love my God. God deserves that, but not him. He does not deserve forgiving. But like I said, I never think about it too much. Yeah, because I'm very busy for take care of Quina, you know. Every time Queen of Cry, or she in painful. And, and, and that come back in the few time. I say, like, I, I wish it's, it's not happen. But then I, you know, I, I read on the internet, you know, the people review on the internet. They said is they want to, if it's their daughter, they will, you know, kill the captor or never forgive or anything. I just leave all that away. I don't want to, to get, get a grip of them. I, I don't say anything because actually I don't know. I don't, I don't have the, the, the power to think about it because I think that power is up to God. And I just, in her attorney I trust in the church. I trust in God. So whatever they decided, I follow.

Yeah.

Not myself. I don't thinking about I not forgive him or I forgive him. But I think it's because our family is— we are the Good heart people. We don't put anything bad or negative in our mind or in our heart. We don't have the word hate in our family. I don't teach my children to hate anybody or even animal. I never teach that. So by myself and my family, we never use the word hate or any negative word or any negative talk. So you can say, I can say I forgive him because maybe he young, he don't think what he doing, he cannot control in the moment, but then he still is need to get punished anyway.

Wow. Well, thank you for sharing that. I think it's a powerful testament to the Holy Spirit that works in your life that enables you to speak of that in this way, that in some way you aren't harboring that bitterness in your heart because of the love that you are showing and because you're following Christ. And I think that's a beautiful testament to what God can do in a person's heart through such an unbearable situation like you've been put into. I wonder, because I do want to talk about your book and how your book came about and being able to tell this story. And I know you just don't have the free time to write a book, and it sounds like some miraculous things kind of happened to help you be able to tell your story in this way. And I wonder if maybe, Anna, you could help us kind of with the story of how this book came to be, because I know that life must be so busy with all the care that needs to be provided, and yet miraculously we have this book, The Life She Once Knew, that tells the story of both these amazing women, both Vanna and Quina. Could you tell us a bit about how this book came to be, Anna?

It, you know, I think that it took a lot of healing on my mom's part to be able to get to the point where she could start opening up again and chronicling, you know, Kweena's journey. And at the same time, an even deeper level of healing to be able to open up about her own story, something that she never really talked about to either Quina or myself or, you know, or to her friends or family. It was a very personal, traumatic story about her childhood and escaping Vietnam and, you know, what she went through in America to get where she was. And it took several years, I think, for my mom to get to the point where she was ready to write a book. And she doesn't have a lot of time. You're right about that. But she somehow found the time at night, you know, after she put my sister to bed, to write a little bit at a time on her iPhone in the Notes app.

Wow.

She didn't even have a computer, really. She didn't know what Microsoft Word was. She never typed up a document. She just had a little notes app and a stylus pen and started typing away. Wow. And it started as a way to document all the wonderful, amazing things that we've seen in Quina's journey. And it wasn't Soon after that, she realized that there was some value in also writing about her own story and the way that it parallels Quina's journey as well. So it started out with, you know, a memoir about my sister, and it ended up being a memoir about my mom and my— —captivating story. And we had so many people in the community support my mom through this process and help her with ghostwriting and help her with editing and help her get connected with the right people that can make this a reality. Because without that support system and, you know, never writing a book in her life before, we would not have been able to publish this. So we're just so thankful for the people that donated and sacrificed their time and just, you know, showed up and said, "We believe you can do this and we're going to help you get there." Wow, that's amazing.

And just the fact that you were writing it on the Notes app on your phone, Vanna, that is really incredible. And just your persistence. If I If I think of one word that just keeps coming to mind other than strength, it's persistence with you because you are so persistent about continuing on and doing what has to be done, whether it be caring for your family or writing a book like this one. And so I'm very proud of really all of you in this whole situation. I'm just amazed by your story and I'm humbled and honored to be able to get to share about it some. And how God has helped you in this situation. You know, as we're getting close to the end of our time together here tonight, I wonder maybe both of you could answer this question in some way, because I know for years now life has been very trying for you. There have been many difficulties and hardships, and you don't probably ever know what to expect from day to day. With the health of Quina and what lies ahead, I wonder, what do you feel like maybe God has been teaching you through this whole situation?

Yes. I have to say yes and yes and yes. In our story, we experience God give us I talk of him every day. Holy Spirit is behind me, and I get amazed if I don't have God in our family for 12 years. And everything coming and look like the miracle always came to us and the community is amazing supporting us. And especially for the book, I don't believe it's the book published, and I don't believe we have so many people already bought our book and share, give everybody, the whole community, and even in the other country, Canada, they order our book. And, and it's You know, this all is God. He blessing that this is the gift from God because we believe in him. And maybe Anna have her own thoughts too, but that is my thought about, I saw God, I live with God. Cleaner too every day in our family. Sure.

Well, Anna, the same question for you. What do you think God has been teaching you through all of this?

Wow.

What I learned early on is was to not ask the question, why did this happen to us? You know, why do bad things happen to good people? Which is so easy to dwell on when you go through something like this. But I don't think that's the question that's meant to be answered here in this life on Earth. And I, you know, learned to put it behind me and ask the right questions like What now? Where do we go from here? And what is our new purpose? And it was, you know, it was when I realized that Lena was a stone being thrown into the water, creating hundreds of thousands of ripples outward. Story just, you know, shining outward and impacting so many other lives for good, that's when I started to heal personally because I was able to see that from tragedy came so much triumph and, and so much, um, hopefulness and so much new life. And Sometimes I just think about my mom, you know, just my mom. My sister and I were saved at a very young age. You know, my mom put us into a Christian school, not because she was a Christian, but because at that time she just thought it was a good place for two girls to be in school, in a private school under religious education. And my sister and I became believers as young children. My mom actually was not a Christian until after the attack. Um, and it was, it was the event that happened after the attack and some of the people that came into her life, and because of that situation, that led my mom to a point in her life, um, to a situation where she was able to be more exposed to, you know, the word of God, and he got saved. And I just remember when my sister and I were younger and we would have prayer in our classroom every day, both of us would have unspoken prayer requests, and they would be for my mother's salvation. And, and, and look at my mom now. She's, you know, she's saved by the grace God and, and, you know, helping bringing other people to the Lord as well just by living by example. And that's me. I mean, if that were the only thing that I could see good coming out of this, it is more than enough.

Well, thank you both of you for sharing that, and that I think was a beautiful way to state that, Hannah. And I, I, again, I'm honored to be able to just in some small way be able to help, uh, spread the word about your story through Voices in My Head podcast, and I want to remind listeners of this show that they can go to voicesinmyheadpodcast.com, and I will have all of the links that I have available where you can find out more of the story that you've heard about today and the best way that you can buy the book The Life She Once Knew that is written by my guest today, Vanna Nguyen. And I'm so grateful, Vanna and Anna, to both of you for being able to take take some time to visit with me tonight. Your story has moved me and inspired me, and it makes me want to be a more faithful person, honestly, as I see the way that you are carrying, um, really what is your cross in life in many ways, but in the ways that you are finding, um, to let the God, the God of love shine out of you in the midst of this very difficult situation.. And I'm grateful for you, and I'm grateful for the way that you are still caring for Quena and her precious life. And I want to thank both of you, Anna Donato and Vanna Nguyen. Thank you for being some of the Voices in My Head this week.

Thank you, Rick.

Thank you for joining me here this week on Voices in My Head. I hope you'll visit me on my website at RickLeeJames.com. RickLeeJames.com, where you can find out more about me, get my music on vinyl and CD, follow my blog, and even schedule me for a concert or a speaking engagement. Better yet, even a book signing in your neighborhood. You can find all that and more at RickLeeJames.com. Also, it would mean a great deal to me if you could write a review of this podcast on iTunes. The more positive reviews that we receive the more visible this podcast will be online. And now for the benediction: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. God bless you, and thank you for listening to Voices in My Head.