Bootcamp Day 1- Shift Your Child's Inner World

Okay, the streaming is live, you can share the links. Yeah, so I would read a lot, but now I don't because now I know he knows how to read. So sometimes he would come and he'll tell me, mummy, can you read this to me? Can you read aloud? I'm like, no, beta, you know how to read. Look at mummy's throat, it's already gone. If I read to you also, like, I don't tell him this, but I'm thinking this in my head. But I don't read to him because I know he can read. So when you know they can do something, it's important you allow them to do it. You know, your child can get a glass of water from the kitchen, you don't have to go and get it. You know, your child can put the plate back in the sink. You don't have to do it, so let them do it. And by doing that, you know you are actually training your child for the world. Because otherwise they will expect, if it's a boy, they will expect the wife to do it. So as a mother, you are not just raising a son, you are also raising a husband. And if it's a girl and you are doing it, then later when she gets married, she will struggle to do it for anybody else, which will also be a problem. Then avoid comparisons like there is absolutely no point. Now tell me one thing, I gave you that flower example. Now if you are comparing a rose with a sunflower, is that a smart thing to do? Yes or no in the chat box or sunflower Pila people are like, why are you listing this? Or aapi list, banao ghetto rose, badlega na sunflower still remain the same. So you are sitting and comparing your child to some neighbour's child or some cousin. Your child is not going to change because usually we compare in the hope that maybe he will start. No, they will not start. They will just feel low self esteem and they will only feel, I am not good enough. Now imagine if your husband is saying, oh Mary mammy, kitna, acha khana Banat, you make such bad food, You will not like it right in. If he just comes and tells you independently. Can you just YouTube this recipe for me? Can you cook something nice for me? Yeah, you'll be more than happy to do it for your partner. But when it comes from a place of comparison, your energy is so low. If you agree, put a for agree. If independently you're asked to do anything, you're willing to put in the effort, you're willing to try and learn. Like during COVID you know, before I started getting those crazy calls from mothers, like non stop calls I got, I was trying so many things in the kitchen. Like all those, what do you say? Naan ghar pe naan. I couldn't believe I was making naan at home. Naan. Because I'm not a cook. Like I'm sure some of you are very like good cooks. So for me it was a big thing when I was able to make naan, naan and paneer and all of that. Because for me I was like, okay, let me, let me try. My husband wants like he didn't even ask me. But you know, I was like, okay, let me do something special for him now that I'm home. And there was so much time. So I started cooking and so understand that, you know, maybe it was not like as good as what my mom in law would make because my mom in law is also very good cook. But my husband was appreciating. And because he kept appreciating, I kept cooking. Not for too long. Ten days after that I was done. But if no, the YouTube live is. Yeah, it started. According to me, it's streaming. Yeah, it's life. Just check again, Kinjan. So please avoid comparison. Your child is amazing. So put, put in the chat. My child is amazing. I don't want my child to be like any other child because my child is the best child. You don't have to write all of this. Just write my child is amazing. Then predictable routines, very important because this reduces the load on their brain. If one day your child is getting up and doing something totally different, next day is getting up and doing something totally different. Your child's brain cannot understand, cannot predict what's the next thing. Because of which the brain is always in the stress mode. Like how many of you know exactly what you're going to do after this call. If you know, put yes in the chat box. Now you know that I'll go back to my husband or I'll go and cook or maybe I'll lie down, I'll rest, I'll read a book, I'll watch something, whatever. You know what you're going to do because of which your brain is relaxed right now. Otherwise it would be in a state of anxiety insecurity. Because you don't know uncertainty. So that's why very important. I'm not saying that. Time by the minute by minute. You have to fix everything. But the flow has to be consistent. Get up in the morning, like I'll give you my Sons. So get up in the morning first thing, brush your teeth. After you brush your teeth, if you want milk, you can take milk. If you don't want, you go to take, you have a shower, get ready, come out, eat breakfast. Oh breakfast. Eat breakfast and both of us will do something. He'll ask me some questions, I'll ask him some questions, something we'll do together. For every day it's different. And then I drop him off to the bus stop, then he comes back around 3:30, 3:40 he'll come back, changes clothes, lunch they get in school. So these days he's not eating lunch at home. Some small snack he'll have and after that it's his TV time. From 4 o' clock to 4:30 he'll watch TV. Then for 4:30 to 5 I'll be with him and then he'll go for some activity, either tennis or football or some one hour activity. After that one hour of activity, he will be with his society friends. They are like a gang of four, five boys. So they'll just play whatever, either my house or somebody some other friend's house. They'll do this till 7:38. 7:38 he'll come home, he'll eat dinner after dinner mostly he likes to read. So he'll read and then you know, either I'll put him to sleep or my husband, whoever is available before, like whoever is free. Like sleep as in you just have one person has to be in the room and he only puts himself to sleep, but he just needs an adult in the room when he's sleeping. When is the study time? And homework? I don't do any studies with him. And homework he does on his own. So homework. They get like four, five activity sheets. So my son is very fast. So they're supposing they get homework twice a week. They don't get homework every day, they get twice a week. So the day he gets homework, when he comes home, he finishes it and I tell him also, he's like no, let me finish it, then I can relax and do whatever I want. So I think it happens because he sees me like I'm very particular, if I get some homework, I'll finish it first. And you know, this is one hack that I can give you. When you're doing something, talk about it, let your child listen. So I'm like, I have to do my homework, I have to do my homework. And then you know, my son, like my husband will sometimes say what you keep doing, it's like you're some school Student, I have to do my homework, you know, because I'm also learning from different mentors, right? And they give me work to do, like. And so I'm like, no, I have to finish this, I have to finish this. So my child is listening that, you know, my mom is like very serious about finishing her work. Sometimes my husband will be like, today let's go out. I'll be like, no, let me finish it, then we'll go. So maybe he's picked it up from there. So I have never sat with him for his homework, not even once. Sometimes if he needs a little help with Hindi, I think his English is better than mine. So I don't think I can help with, help him much with his English because he reads a lot and his pronunciation also I feel is a little better than mine. But Hindi I really, I help him with sometimes. So if he cannot, if he's not able to read a certain word or something, he'll come and ask me and then I'll help him with that. He is in class three. Yeah. All right. So where was I? So predictable routines then positive language, very important, which we already discussed. But positive language here is not just about them. The earlier thing was only about them, about yourself also. So never say anything negative about yourself in front of your child because they are listening and they will start doing the same for themselves. They will also start calling themselves weird things. Don't put negative labels on your husband also in front of your child. And the way you speak is very important. Don't speak like all that words, you know, sometimes, you know, in the lingo because we are used to it, we just end up saying these things and kids pick up very fast because their mirror neurons are very activated. Mirror neurons, monkey neurons. Like, you know, in between my son started saying Shabash. Eh, Shabash. I'm like, where is picking the Shabash? Nobody in my house is saying Shabash for one week, you know, for something good is happening. Oh, Shahbash. I'm like, what is this Shabash? I'm like, I'm finding it funny also. And I'm like, what is this Shabbash Shabash? And then I was going to drop him off to school and the security guard told him and I heard security guard is like, So then of course I did not tell him in front of my child. But after I dropped him and when I was coming home, I sat, I told him. So they pick up very fast. And then of course, you know, if I could not meet the guard, then I would train my child by telling him or asking him. Where did you pick this up from? Why are you using this so frequently? Can I give you a better word to use instead? Can you try this instead of Shabash for a few days, if that's okay? You know you will not be like all that doesn't work with kids. Because the minute you start speaking that language, their brain shuts down. Then you are just blabbering. No, this is science. I really mean it. Because the minute your tone gets to that zone allowed aggressive and wrong words, it's a total shutdown of the prefrontal cortex. The amygdala gets activated, which is the emotional center of the brain. And they freeze or they run away, which means the words do not register. Then model self worth, which means show respect. Like don't call yourself. Don't say I can't. Is my voice low volume? It's okay. Okay. You know, my skin is becoming so bad. Don't say these things in front of your child. Because it will also train them to do the same. Especially small kids because they're under hypnosis. Kids under the age group 8, 0 to 8, they're under hypnosis. You want to test this out? How many of you remember something from your childhood when you were from 0 to 8? If you remember, all of us will remember at least a few memories from our childhood. Maybe you was going for a walk with your grandfather. Like I'll tell you a few. I remember going for morning walks with my grandfather. I remember my father putting powder. That smell. I remember. You know how they used to put talcum when we were. I don't know, in your house. But in my house. So there was talcum smell early in the morning. Then I remember my grandmom opening matar. So many memories from childhood, right? But you will not remember what you ate yesterday or maybe last week for lunch. Unless you eat the same thing every day. So understand, children from 0 to 8 are so you. And another way of understanding this, you take a small paragraph to memorize. Your child will remember it quicker. And maybe if, even if you are challenging and saying no, I can learn faster. Maybe if you learn faster also you ask the child, after one week, he will recall more than you do. Because of the way the brain is working in that age group. Like you know, the Bhagavad Gita Shloka one. I was just, you know, with YouTube, I was trying to do Sanskrit and I was trying to memorize. I don't still remember. My son was not even actively trying to remember. He was just listening while I was trying to memorize. He remembers. Actively I was trying to remember. So kids have a sharper memory and also because they are under hypnosis. But for that you have to keep them in that relaxed zone. If you keep them in that tense hyper negative zone, then they are not able to work at full potential. Then validate big emotions, very, very important without shaming. What does this mean? Supposing your child comes to you and tells you, don't say. What's the need to be sc. Don't say things. If your child is saying, mummy, I'm feeling bad because I lost. Don't say, don't feel bad, beta, you'll win next time. No, allow them to feel. What do you like? We should not say that. Don't feel bad. It's not like a button that they can turn off. Now, supposing you are feeling bad about something that happened at your workplace and in the evening you are telling your husband, you know, I am feeling very bad about what happened. And all your husband has to say is, don't feel bad, I am there for you. Of course you are still going to feel bad. Instead, if your husband said, I understand how you are feeling, is there something I can do for you? Don't say, don't feel. You can say, I understand how you feel. Is there something I can do to make you feel better? Now your husband is talking to you. Can you see? Small words, Small, small play with words. It can change everything. Mummy, I want to be fair one. My son told me this once because you know, he's not like, he's my color only, but he has a friend who's like, absolutely like those international colors, extra fair. So once in the park, they were checking color of the skin. My son was the darkest between the three because two of them are like foreigners. They're Indians, but they look like foreigners. And my son, so he came to me, he told me, mummy, why am I so dark? I want to be white. I was like, you're already white. What do you mean I want to be white? No, I want to be whiter. So I told him, okay, I feel you. I know you want to be whiter, but the only thing I can do for you is to give you some cream. That's it. And see if this works for you. But this, if anything else you want me to do, let me tell you, let me tell me. And then of course, you know, I told him a lot of stories about dark people, showed him some pictures on the Internet, told him how dark people were also successful. Gave him the science behind why different people have different colors because of melatonin in the body. But understand that you know, when they tell you I'm feeling bad, you cannot say that, don't feel this. It will never work. They will not come back to you with their feelings. Then they will stop sharing their feelings with you. Or aap ku kuch feel oorah. And your mom, all your mom has to say is shaadi KE BAAT life esse oti hai. Just manage, you're not getting any help. But instead she says that, oh, I know how it feels. Is there something I can do for you? And I'm not blaming our moms or anybody. But they were not taught. So they do the best they know based on their own experience. So everybody write in the chat, I love my mom. Nobody, none of you should have any ill feelings towards your parents. Worst karma. Even if you had the most difficult parents or even if you have the most difficult parents, they did the best they could. If you are sitting and breathing right now, it is because of them. Maybe they did not do it the way you wanted it to happen, but they did their best. So I love my mom, I love my dad. Even if they don't understand you, Even if they don't understand your feelings, even if they don't care for you, even if you feel they never showed up for you. Maybe you were pregnant and your mom didn't come. Even if they are not helping you with the child, even if they don't send you one rupee, Even if they gave a lot of negative beliefs to you, Even if your childhood was full of trauma, you still must love them and thank them. And you also have to stop blaming them for all the emotions that you're still carrying. I'll give you an example which will. You know, a lot of people say, oh, I'm not able to move forward in life because I went through so much trauma in my childhood. I just want to say you went through what you went through when you were little. But what is asking you to go through the same thing? Even now, you, nobody else, you love to get that attention by saying, I'm in trauma. It is as simple as that. And nobody is losing. Only you are losing by repeating that same story. I'll give you an example which will help you understand. And I'm giving you these visuals because these visuals will allow you to think what you are doing with yourself. Imagine. Just imagine. Of course none of us went to jail, but Imagine you were in a jail, just a hypothetical situation. Now in that jail you were having a very difficult experience. Khanabi Achani, Miltatha Moti Moti Rotiha or Sukha Sabzi and Pyaz and Yesam Miltatha. Food was not good, company was not good, environment was not good, the toilets were not good, nothing was good. And you were in this condition for 10 years or 15 years. And after that one fine day the jailer comes and says Aaj AAP ki chutti abab jaasakte ho AAP Nikal Gahi. Then you come to your beautiful house where the food is great, people are good, environment is good, the toilets are clean, everything is nice. People love you. Will you still keep thinking about that jail Kahana? And will you still mentally be stuck in the same environment? No. You're out and about. Now you can thrive and grow and learn and do whatever you want with all the beautiful energy God has blessed you with. But some of us in our childhood, maybe you went through some difficulties. And you you are feeling your parents made it difficult. But maybe they didn't have a choice. Maybe your parents had to work, they had to go to work because of which they could not show up for your annual function or sports day or whatever. Maybe they didn't have a choice and you felt received it like trauma when you were growing up. I'm not blaming you either. Maybe as a child you don't think so much and you felt the pain. But now you're out. So now why do you want us to live in that same feeling? Because now you have a good husband, you have a good life, good food, good clothes. Everything is good. If this is a balbon put view. A lot of people say it takes a lot of time to come out of childhood trauma. I feel that it takes one honest person to tell you that. Cut the crap, ctc. That's all it takes. You don't have to go through a journey of coming out of trauma. There is no journey. Because at the end of the journey again you just have to say one thing to yourself. Ctc, Cut the crap. I'm out of that jail now. I don't have to feel that I'm still there. And stop blaming your parents for being where you are. They don't deserve it. All they deserve is thank you and love. Nothing else. Parents don't deserve anything else. They only deserve two things. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. No matter. This, we already covered Listen fully, please listen. Don't be in a rush to speak. Let me teach something. Let me tell my child what is right for my child. Let me tell my child this is not a good thing. Or 13th is give them independence. So it's like a repetitive repetition. So I've not got into the details there. Don't worry, I'll give you a combined slide. You can take a screenshot. So we are always feeling that. Let me. Let me give you a small example. Supposing your child comes from school and he's showing you a pencil that does not belong to him. So supposing he shows you this. Mummy, See, I got this pencil. Now this pencil does not belong to him. And you know this because you do all the shopping for him and he's showing you with excitement. Mummy, isn't this so nice? Isn't it so cool? But what do we do? Before he can live the excitement, we interfere. And like, whose pencil is this? Kal Wapas Dekiyana. This does not belong to you? No. Go give it back tomorrow. So what happened? He came with a very high level of excitement. That excitement went to zero after he shared it with you. Now tell me, any smart, rational child will do come to you next time, yes or no? They're like, I don't want to tell her. So you know, they have temporary attachment, temporary excitement. Let them share. After two hours you go back. First you listen fully. After two hours you go back and you say, beta, you were showing me that pencil. I didn't buy that pencil. I think it belongs to somebody else. Who does it belong to then? Say pencil. Yes. So you will say, Don't say, Don't put these labels. And the last celebrate their being, you know, just, you know, enjoy. Enjoy the fact that you are a mother. It is a blessing. Not everybody gets to live this. It's a big, big, big blessing. So you know my son, you know, he's into this making camps. I don't know if your children are also doing base camp. Like, he'll attach all the sofas and cover it with a bed sheet. Then put some table on the side so you'll make those big cans. And my whole living room is like in some other state. Right? So. But it is so important that you allow them to do these things. Because if you don't, they'll get bored. Then they want the screen. And then we have a problem with that also. So he'll make this scam. Then he'll sit inside it and read a book. He'll tell me, come to my base. Then tell me first tell me the password to enter my face. You know how kids are. Give me the password. Then there is a ticket to enter for outsiders. I'm like, I'm an outsider. He's like, yeah, for this camp you're an outsider. I was like, So, so, you know, just enjoy because okay, fine, the mess is there, but the mess will get cleared. But these memories will remain, you know, for two days. My son, you know, he had gone to my in laws and he was staying with them like during the holidays. And the house, you know, everything was so organized. I was like, oh my, I want the mess back. I want the mess. So, you know, you have to enjoy, enjoy them. You know, leaving one shoe somewhere. Don't have to take everything like a panicky juta either. Padai plated. That is something that brings life into your house. That brings energy to your space. You know, the ball is lying on the floor. The sofa orientation is tera. The one cushion is. So that's the energy of having a child in the house. Now what's the point if every child is like sitting, like imagine if a child is sitting like this on a sofa all day. There's no joy. So just enjoy their presence. Just have fun. And once they grow up, then you don't even have to take care of the mess. But some of us are, you know, and my husband is totally like that. He does not like mess. But I have, you know, like personally like room. Kendar, it's okay. Let him, let him make. I will arrange it before you sleep. I'll tell him that. Okay, we can't. Banawa, don't come up because you know, he's also got issues that he cannot see. And I know I want my son to have fun. So I'll call him and I'll tell him that. Don't come up without telling me before you come up, let me know. He's like, why? I was like, because there's a camp waiting for you. So unless you don't want to see, unless you want to see that, don't come up. But if you're okay with that, then you can come up. So you know, we have to just be a little, you know, you want to balance your husband and your child a little strategically like that also. Awesome. So Here are the 15 points for young kids. Okay? So you can take a screen, you can take a screenshot. And now teenagers, okay? Even if one person's got it, you can just put it in the chat. The screenshot, okay? Very different. Teenagers you have to respect their opinion, even if you disagree. Girls want to wear crop tops with cleavage showing. Now you might feel what is happening to our culture? What is happening to my family tradition? Don't have a choice. And the sooner you realize it, the better it is because you can either change the clothes or you can lose your relationship. And children are very understanding with their friends. You allow them with family, you tell them that. Okay, Beta, in your family gatherings, you dress up differently with your friends. It's okay because imagine when we were growing up, we were all wearing denim and T shirts. Correct? Yes or no? Was your mom telling you. They allowed you to wear jeans top? So now things are moving. Now maybe the tops have become a little smaller and deeper and deeper. So now you don't have a choice. Now if you're expecting your children to wear your like the type of T shirts and you know, what do you say? Loose fit shirts and pants, maybe they'll be like, oh my God, I just can't. This is not my style. Like oversized shirts. Maybe that's not that they are working on their body. They are looking thin. They want to show off their bodies. This is just an example of how you have to sometimes agree, even when you disagree. So there are small things that you have to let go of for the bigger things. This is a ball bond put BO, because if you keep picking on everything, you will let go of the bigger thing, which is your communication and connection with your child. And if you don't communicate and connect with your child, you don't know what's happening in their world. You have no idea what's happening. Children posting on Instagram, first you shouldn't have given a phone. Now you've given. Now they want to post. Now you can't stop everything. You have to trust your child. You can tell your child that do not put these type of pictures for safety reasons. You can train them, you can educate them. And you have to learn to trust your child. That's the most important thing. Because when the trust is missing, you will always be in a state of anxiety. So put T for trust. And more than trust your child, you have to trust your love and your parenting. That I trust my parenting. That my child will never do something that is very inappropriate. So you have to trust your parenting. And that trust will happen if you are learning and doing it the right way. But if you are shouting, screaming, making them feel small, shaming them, blaming them, or always finding faults, always correcting them, nothing is going to change. Only your relationship will become from Bad to worse. Then separate behavior from worth. We already discussed this, right? For the young kids, behavior is different from their. From them. So don't say my child is. It's so difficult. I can't understand her anymore. You can't say this as a mother. I can't understand her anymore. It is your duty to understand your child. So if you can't understand her, seek help. Start learning. If this is something that you have received properly put R for received. If the message has been received, Mr. Nobody in this room can say oh mujani samaj ma aata kya karthi rati hai. I want to understand what's happening for her with this belief that my child is a good child. Even if your child is back talking, even if she or he is disrespecting, they are still good. That belief you cannot change. Because if you start believing that your child is not good then you have lost your child. I'm making a very strong statement here. Your belief for your child always has to be. My child is a good child. Trying to do the best. Now maybe their best is not your best. Then avoid labels which I already shared. Now don't say things like you're lazy, you're stubborn, you're ziddi, you're disrespectful. They have mood swings. A lot of mood swings. Especially teenagers. My son is only going to be nine now. I already see so many mood swings in him. But it comes and it goes. But. Is everybody with me? Put wm. I'll give you a small example. Supposing. You are angry. I'm giving examples so. So that you can experience it in your own body. Supposing you're angry and your husband comes and starts telling you. The house is always like this. I'm sick of your anger. Supposing this. All this he's saying. Is he helping you? No. He's reinforcing what you're already doing. Your anger increases. If he had not said these things, your anger would have gone. And you would have realized that, okay, I could have done things differently. But by saying those things now, your feeling stays with you for very long. And anger becomes your identity. And that's exactly what we do with our children. We keep repeating, we keep repeating. Till that becomes their identity. And once it becomes an identity, they get used to it. They're like, I don't care. I'm a lazy girl. Oh, I'm a girl who doesn't like to listen. So that's cool. I won't. And it's not their fault. You taught them. You trained them by saying you don't listen to anything that mummy says. You're so disrespectful. If you've said it, how to reverse it. Natasha, thank you for that question. If you said it, how to reverse it? You want to go and apologize. And say I have said things that I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry. I totally love you. I totally trust that you would never do anything wrong. You're my soul. You're my heart. My intention was to help. But I think the way I did it was not correct. And the reason I did it because I didn't know a better way to do it. But now I'm going to do my best. And I need your help. Maybe I will still slip sometimes. I'm not. I'm going to try. But maybe I will still slip. Maybe I still end up having those days when I'm not able to control. But I need you to know that I love you. And will you be able to forgive me if I slip again? Can you support me gently? Because all I want is for us to have a good bond. All I want is for us to have a good relationship. Because there's nothing more precious to me than you. How do I get these nice words from my heart? Because I mean them. You have to just go and be yourself. Just be yourself. Children are beautiful. They're amazing. You have to allow them to go through their journey. Every child will have a unique journey. They are not you. They are not your family, values, culture and tradition. Maybe you come from a very. You know. I have a Brahmin friend. Nobody in her house ate non veg. Nobody ate, nobody had alcohol. Nothing. She never slept before 4 in the morning. She was always partying. She was nothing like her family. And I don't blame her for that. It happened because the family was so obsessed to turn her into what they were. And then children turn rebellious. They will try to prove a point. And they will do everything that is opposite of what you. So your culture, your tradition. They will follow you. Show love. I'm so much like my mom now. She never forced me to be like her. I have elder sisters. They don't like one. The sister who's just before me, she doesn't do any puja. She's very happy. Like very high life member. She doesn't do any puja part. Nothing. She. Her philosophy is God is in me and I'm happy. I will love everybody. God will be happy. That's her. But my mom never Forced her. You have to sit and do pooja, Pooja, karudiya, lagao, bhatti ja lao. We picked it up naturally. So we do it like my twin sister and I. So understand. Every child is different. So your traditions are for you and your culture. Whatever your child naturally picks up, they'll pick up but you cannot force them my in laws. They're super religious. Every six months we have a big bhagwat like a proper. Every almost six months we have bhagavat, we have rani sati, dadipooja. Every mavas, we have so many pujas. Now my husband does not even go to the temple. Because sometimes as parents when you overdo it, when you push them to be like you, they start repelling and resisting. And today it happened in the teenage call. One girl asked me that my mom is forcing me to chant. I believe in the mantra and sometimes when I'm feeling low, I actually chant and I feel better. But when my mom forces me to chant, I just feel very irritated. I was like, you don't have to do it as long as you know God is in you and whenever you need it, it's helping you, you do that. And then I gave her a long reason on how you feel, why you feel irritated in the beginning and how it grows on you eventually. But can you understand that? You can. You have to avoid labels. You have to encourage self expression without judgment. Maybe you were not into makeup and getting ready, but your daughter is. Maybe you are an entrepreneur, but your son wants to be a social media content creator. That's them. You have to allow them to be them. They cannot be you and they cannot be the things you have on a to do list for them. They will have their own list. Our role is to inspire them, to nurture them. You cannot have expectations from your child. If you have expectations from your child, you will limit their growth and you will limit your happiness. My mom never decided that I'm going to be a parenting coach. Maybe what you are doing, your parents did not decide that for you. You're on your own journey and it's going to be the same for your child whether you like it or you not don't like it. And if you force them to be what you want to want them to be, then maybe they will be what you want them to be. But the connection will not be there unless you're lucky and both of you want the same thing. That's a different story, which is rare. So you have to allow them self expression. How to make kids Emotion, everything is practice. Anything you want to be, you have to practice being that thing. You want to be spiritually grounded, you have to practice those spiritual practices. You do not become anything in one day. And if anybody is telling you that you can become a coach in one day, you can become spiritual in one day. We are all spiritual beings, but we have to reconnect with that memory. And that is a process. And different faiths have different processes, but you have to have a process. You just sitting and thinking it will not make it happen for emotions also you guys are experiencing the shift because you come back and you go through these life calls again and again. But imagine if you do only one call with me. If you agree, pute for agree. Because if you go back, your mind needs that constant, you know, it has reminders. And that's why anything spiritual you do, it should be daily. Like you eat food. Daily food is for the body. Spiritual practices are for the soul. And soul is what we are. We are souls, we are not body. So we should be more paying more attention to the soul, but we pay more attention to the food. Like if you do the breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner, the preparation time for all four meals is minimum two, two and a half hours. And then consumption time is at least 40 minutes. So three hours in a day is dedicated to food only in normal Indian households. Minimum. It could actually be more. So just like that. You have to have a dedicated time for your spiritual thing, for your child. Yeah. Marwari House though, it's like all day food. This food is on all day. Like seriously, like I had gone to. No, no, yeah. I'd gone to Dibrugar, Assam. Like so most of my husband's family is from Assam, but they're the only ones who are not in Assam. And we had gone for somebody like who left, like somebody died. So. All they were talking about is food. Because so many people come while I'm eating breakfast. Somebody is sitting and discussing lunch. Eating lunch. They're deciding snacks, snacks. I was so done whole day, 24 hours. There was only one topic, food. So it all depends on where we use our energy. According to me, like food is like a very simple thing. I have to same menu for every day. Don't have to use my cognitive load at all, only my eating time. So encourage self expression. Then offer emotional safety. Especially teenagers. They will pretend like they don't need you. And internally they are thinking they don't need you, but they actually need you. And when you are being there for them, you have to be very Resilient. If I can say, say so. Like as a mother with a teenager, you have to be very tolerant. If you can tolerate that tantrums gently with love, then you will have a good connection and influence. But if they're every word you're catching and taking personally, then it will be a struggle. Let's say they are saying something also instead of shouting. How dare you speak to me like this? Eseq bola. Just say. Can you please speak nicely? I just feel shocked when you speak like this. Next time, please. So they should also feel emotionally safe with teenagers. You know, some mothers sometimes tell me that I hit my teenager. You just cannot put a finger on a teenager. You just cannot. It is as good as your mother slapping you right now. So you just imagine if your mother slaps you at this age, that's exactly what you're doing. If you're slapping a teenager. Slapping, pushing, snatching, shouting, screaming. All of this is a big no. I'll repeat all the S's. Slapping, shouting, screaming, snatching. You can write the four S. Big no. You have to respect that they are growing. They are not the one year old child on your lap anymore. Slapping, snatching, screaming, shouting. Yeah, four. Then. Trust before control. Trust your child. Don't just try to control. And whenever you want to share something, go and nicely talk to them. First. Regulate yourself before you discipline them. Regulation before discipline is very important. Because if you don't regulate yourself and you go and try to discipline them, you will not discipline anything. You will feel guilty. They will shut their room and they'll sleep. How many of you have experienced this? Put e for experience. You will either feel guilty or angry and sleepless. And they are shutting the room and sleeping. You can keep shouting as much as you want. They don't care. And after a point they will be. They will become bulletproof. You know when you wear that bulletproof jacket, the bullet doesn't touch. Just like that. They'll have an invisible costume. You keep talking, it will keep going back to you. Only they're not receiving. They'll think that, oh, this is my mom's everyday thing. They'll get immune to your words, So validate their feelings. Same like what we did for toddlers. If they say something, do not cut them. Don't say that. Why are you feeling this? What's the need? No, I will give you an example. Like yesterday my son went for a play date and so we called him a little early because he has his piano exams and he had to do his piano practices. He had to practice for his piano. So we asked him to come early, like around leave at 5 and reach home by 6ish. It was one hour away. And he came with a very angry mood because all his friends were still having fun, right? And he didn't want to come, but we had sent him telling him that you have to leave by 5, only then you can go. So then he came, but he was not in a good mood. He was very angry. And he's like, you know, just because. Just for 30 minutes of piano practice had to come early. This is not fair. This is not nice. I missed. My friends are still going to be there for till six, 30, one and a half hours of fun. I missed. And you know, he was in a very foul mood. And he was sitting here, only on the sofa. And I was sitting and I was reading. I don't remember what I was doing. So I asked him, okay, but did you have fun? He's like, yeah, I had fun, but I could have more fun. There was so much I could do. I was like, but are you happy that you actually made the right choice by going? Because you said that you'll come at 5 and only on that condition. Papa said you could go. So do you think you made the right choice by going? He said, of course. I met my friends and they said, for how many hours were you there? And then I made him calculate that you left us almost six hours. He was there. It's like six hours. I was like, are you grateful for those six hours? He's like, yeah, I'm very grateful for those six hours. I had so much fun. I was like, what was the best thing you did? Can you see how I distracted him? And I took him to like, you know, now he's feeling, oh, I had fun. I made the. I'm making him feel that he made the decisions. I'm not saying I sent you. See, I gave you six hours. You should be grateful that I sent you for at least six hours. That's not how preteens and teenagers want to feel. They want to feel good about the choices they made. So your questions have to be directed towards them feeling good, not towards you making yourself some great mom who did so much for you. Are you understanding the slight difference? If you're understanding, put, yes. This is not rocket science, what I'm doing. All of you are saying that. How are you doing? I learned it. All of you will also learn. Come to platinum Learn parenting, parent coaching, life coaching. You will learn these things. Rational, irrational beliefs, different parenting traps, of course Learning and plus practice. You also have to start speaking like this at home. So one thing is to get the knowledge and the other thing is to implement it. When you learn and practice, learn and practice, all of you will do it. But this is how many of you can feel this is so important, the words. And this time when I've, you know, recorded nlp, that is to another level. Like I have a version of NLP and I've recorded a new in depth version of NLP for platinum. When you go through that, you will see that so many of your issues will become so simple almost immediately. Like big relationship challenges. You can heal in like few minutes. Big parenting relationship challenges or health challenges, Confidence, courage, all of those challenges. So support authority. Which means make them feel that yes, they are able, they are capable to make their own choices. You want to make them feel like, imagine if your mom makes you feel like you can't do anything. I only have to do everything for you. So I'm going to give you a good feeling about yourself. If you agree, put A for agree. Like if your mom is like, oh mujei sab puch karna Patna. Same with kids. Model self respect. Now what does this mean? That don't allow yourself to be used as a punching bag. Respect their emotions but also respect your boundaries. What does this mean? Supposing your child is saying get lost. You can very nicely tell your child, okay today I'm leaving but you cannot speak with me like that. How dare you open the door, say okay next time I will knock before I open. I will respect your space but you cannot speak with me like that. So you're telling them, okay, whatever you want I'll give you. But you can't speak to me like that. So you also have to respect your worth in a gentle way. See, you're not shouting. Your calmness is your biggest power. When you are calm and you speak less, you build a lot of authority. When you're like you're blabbering and that also sometimes in a very loud volume and your body is shaking and you're crying, nobody is listening to you and you're spending so much energy. Then praise character. Sometimes instead of only trying to discipline them, you also notice the good in them. Because the brain is designed to only notice the negative. Sometimes you want to appreciate them. Oh I love this T shirt on you. Oh this jacket is really nice. Supposing you can tell them that you know, I'm not feeling good, can you come for a 10 minute walk with me? And if she goes or if he goes with you, you can tell them, thank you so much for giving me your time. I appreciate your kindness, You know, because we take the people closest to us for granted. We feel that. Are you understanding if you are put? Yes. So with family, you thank. You know, my husband, if he'll do anything now it's become automatic. Now he's my husband. I don't have to thank him. Thank him, but I do thank him. I think I thank him the most all day. I'll tell him, can you order something for me on Swiggy? You know what I say, oh, thank you so much. You make my life so easy. If he'll get something like, oh, thank you. Even with kids. Yeah, like, you know, if Veer will do something for me, I'll thank him like a hundred gazillion. Now it should be when you do it and when you keep, then you don't even have to think. It will just become a part of you. It will become a part. So you know, they. And also add an adjective. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your speed. Thank you for your promptness. Thank you for remembering. Thank you for making me feel so special. Thank you for taking such good care of me. Thank you for cleaning up after play. Thank you for spending some time with me. I really enjoyed this time we spent together. So some like, you know, I'm listening to audiobooks on YouTube on the TV. So I'll ask V to put it for me because I just feel very uneasy with the remote or maybe uneasy or lazy. I just want to. Right. You know, so I'll either tell my husband or I'll ask Veer to start, start it for me. So if he'll do it, I'll just say, oh, thank you so much. You make things so easy. Now I can sit and relax. So it's just that, you know, when you say these small expressions after they've done something they want to do, do it again the next time, you know, like right now, if I pick Sneha Patel and I say, Sneha, thank you so much, you're always on time. And because your time, let's say if you're in Sankeet and I'm saying thank you, you're always on time. And you tell me what text like Neha. I think Neha does that. So once I thank Neha every time she wants to do. But if somebody is doing every day, you're not taking one second to appreciate that person's effort, then they'll stop. They'll like okay, she's not even noticing my effort. So they'll stop. But even if once you appreciate someone's effort, they want to do it again and again. Because people like to serve. We are designed to serve. That's our true quality. Okay, I'll just take five more minutes. Okay? Not too much time now. Allow healthy failure. This is very important. Allow them to fail. You know, sometimes I'll tell you know that school miss, That is more important, that lesson. That's when they will learn to do it on their own. But if you are doing everything, I think till 8 or 10, you can wake them up. After that, they should do everything on their own. If your child is five and below, you can still wake them up and help them to get ready and stuff. Five and above, they should get ready on their own. You don't have to get involved at all in the getting ready part. They can take a shower, they can wear their clothes, everything they can do. No, that's what you think that my teenager would like to miss school every day. And if they miss school, in case you make their time at home more difficult, don't make house a comfortable space for them. If they miss school, don't give them good food. You know, you have to be like that. But if you're making house like a palatial experience. Now, of course you're staying back home. Well, yeah, no screen. Of course, no screen. So I have a very simple test for my child. If you say, mummy, I don't want to go to school, my stomach is hurting. I said, okay, fine, beta, don't go. But you will sleep on the bed and I will sleep with you whole day. We are not moving. So if it is genuine, he will say, okay. If it is fake, he'll say, mummy, I'm feeling better, I'll go. It has happened two, three times. I like, yeah, you don't want to go, don't go. But you stay in bed. Because if you are not feeling well, I'm not letting you play, I'm not letting you eat any junk, no biscuits, nothing. Your stomach is upset, you will sleep here and I will stay with you all day. And both of us are not moving from this bed. Sometimes when it's genuine, he'll be like, okay, Mummy. And then he's actually sick and I'll put him to sleep and stuff. He's just to avoid some act, you know, whenever they have that fancy dress or something, he doesn't like to dress up. So Usdin Petar, because he doesn't want to wear Those costumes so that those days he will have. So I have understood as a mother. So I know what to tell. I tell him this and then he'll wear whatever he wears and he'll leave. Then encourage self reflection, which means with teenagers you don't want to tell too much. You want to ask. I showed you a few examples, right? How I was asking. So you have to be in the. Don't say don't put pictures on Instagram. See, why do you like putting pictures on Instagram? How frequently do you share? Is it just you or everybody else? I just want to know because I don't know what's happening with kids these days. I just want to be an updated mom. Just want to understand what's happening with you guys in your world. Oh, show me, show me, show me. Oh, this picture is so cute. See their Instagram. Appreciate it also sometimes now. Then they'll show you everything else also. Otherwise they'll block you. And you know, most teenagers, by the way, they have two accounts. One which parents know of. One which parents don't know of. I know this because I have nieces. One is a profile. Which parents think yay profile or a hidden profile. Most kids these days, and not just like young teenagers, like even like 20, 21 year olds, they have two pages, one for the family because they are telling them that we use Instagram so they have to show their Instagram. So if you're on Instagram, mommy will show me her Instagram. Then you can't say I won't show you. So there is one page for mummy and there's one page for non mummy and non papa and non family. So if you are thinking that you can control everything, you can't. You just need to learn how to control your emotions and trust your child. So whatever you're seeing is also not what you're seeing. What is happening. You don't even know what's happening. So just relax then avoid comparison pressure. Teenagers hate this. Of course even young kids don't like it. But young kids, you know, they don't hate it. They feel insecure, their self esteem goes down. But teenagers will hate it if you do this. And they will hate you for doing it. So they will stop liking you. Also if you compare them, Don't do it. Their egos are too inflated to take comparison. See what grandparents do. Then you just side your teenager and say, Don't take it so personally. That's how you have to. So your teenager knows that. So as a mother, you can change everything by having the Right words to say, Be emotionally available even when they pull away. What does this mean? Supposing you've had a fight. They don't want to look at you. Don't get into your ego zone. You don't want to see. I don't even. I don't want to see. Do what you want. I don't care. You have. You're the parent. They are not the parent. You have to care. What do you mean by you don't care? Of course you care. That's why you're crying in your room. You're just saying you don't care. But you do care. So don't say that you don't care. When you care, and if you care, then tell them you care. You don't have to pretend that you don't care. If this is, this is very important, you know, in our ego, we will say, oh, I don't care. That's anger, that's ego. That's not you. So even if they are not talking, repelling, resisting, withdrawing, you want to say, oh, I can't stay without you. Can we please end this fight? Don't allow those negative emotions to get cemented. Like with my husband. So I patch up in like micro millisecond. Because till I don't patch up, I can't do anything else. And I have so much to do. So I'm like. Because nobody loses. No, we only lose energy, time, effort. So if something will happen, I'll be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I wish I didn't say this. And if I think he's wrong, I'll say, okay, I'm so sorry about what happened. But I think you can also apologize now. You can also apologize now. I'm giving you five seconds. One, two, three. This is milk. That's how I take apology from my husband now. Giving you five seconds. I'm counting till five. Five apology. No apologies after five. So just, you know, you can turn like a very heated argument. Oh, he will say sorry to you. Trupti. You just have to ask in a fun way, not in a bored. Everybody will say sorry to you. I'm telling you just have to have a fun way of doing it. If you're going with like a very bad mood and saying. And even if they're not saying sorry, but they're behaving nice, you know that sorry, that is also okay because everybody is different, right? Some people like to use the word sorry, but they get okay. So then you can just accept that getting okay as a sorry. It doesn't have to be verbally communicated. So you have to understand your husband and do it accordingly. And then remind them often that you like them for who they are and not for their performance. So supposing they don't do something? Well, you just say, yeah, I still like you. It's okay. I'm sure you can do better next time I'm there with you. Relationship certification. I'm not joking. I have full faith. Why? Because, see, it's not about them saying sorry. It's about you first earning the right by being a certain type. Right. So. Yes. So what was I saying? Yes. So remind them often that you. You love them for who they are. I just love you. You know, there's this mentor that I have. His name is Dr. Dean Martini. Till the age of 18, he was not able to read or write. And almost at 18, he went to his. I'll show you his picture. And at age 18, he went to his mom and he was like, you know, mom, I feel I am not able to do anything for you. This, that. And you know what the mother said, John, I love you no matter what, and I'm always there for you no matter what. And that changed. His whole thing, his whole journey, his whole life changed after that. And now he is, like, consulting people like Donald Trump and like the most top businessmen. And he's one of the fastest readers. He's read some crazy number of books, and if you hear him speak, it's like, so fast. English writing, reading, everything. So a mother's trust can change everything about a child. It has everything to do with the mother. So I want you to write, I'm the best mother for my child. I'm the best. I'm the best mother. I am the best mother. When you can understand your child's world, you can change their inner world and their worth through your words. Through your words, you can change their world. You can write this line. And through your words, you can also change your world. So, words. No. There's this song. No. Words are all I need. So words are all you need. For connection, communication and influence. So you follow these ideas, and I promise, I promise you will have a fantastic, beautiful bond with your child. How many of you can already feel the shift? If you can feel your relationship shifting, put feel in the chat box. Amazing. Yes. And at the expense of sounding repetitive, but I have to do this because this call happens only once a month. On the 18th of January, which is a Sunday, we have our platinum showcase. Nobody should miss this. Trust me. Even if you don't have the money. You figure out the money and you come. This is an opportunity that none of us should miss. As a mentor, I will try my best to make it happen for you. Rest. Whether it happens for you or not, God will decide. So on the 18th, come ready. With a deposit amount of 20,000. The actual value for my platinum is 5 lakhs for a year. But when you come for the showcase, it will be 3.25 lakhs for three full years. And in platinum, I will personally be training your children. And trust me, that training, I'm not saying this, I'm not bragging or boasting or anything. That training is going to create beliefs in them which they will use for I don't know how many years of their lives. And if they carry those beliefs, they will definitely be the top 5% of the world. Because I'm not teaching them, you know, things from mundane textbooks. These are things that you know learning from top leaders like Jack Canfield, Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, Jack Ma and all. And very good books. Like today we were reading the book the Science of Getting Rich by Wallace D. Wattle. I read that book at age 35. Not 35, 34. And it changed so much in my life. Imagine children at this age. If they are getting exposed to this, you can only imagine what is going to happen. It's going to be a different life. Totally. So this is a gift that you know. It is much better than you sending your child to an IB School International board and spending 10 lakhs a year. Some of you are doing that. And if you do the math, platinum is literally free. Like the math does not add up. Six certifications, you getting an opportunity to make multiple lakhs in revenue from home. Live sessions for you, live session, not even recorded. Live sessions for your children. Live sessions for you. Spiritual classes, parenting, health, relationship, career, money hubs, clubs. It's insane. Like literally, you're very, very lucky if you are in this room. That's all I can say. Like it is a dream, it is a fantasy. Even 10 years ago, 10 years ago, the course I did was 2 lakhs for only 8 classes, no certification. 10 years ago. So what you guys are getting now, I just, I just feel that, you know, it's a dream. So I want you to come prepared on the 18th and make it happen. So make sure you fill out the wait list and you can get in touch with your leaders, super leaders, and they can give you more information if you need that. Otherwise, come on the 18th. I will share with you step by step, everything. It will be a two, two and a half hour showcase on the 18th. So it will start at 11. So from 11 till 11 30, block your calendars from now because there will be no recordings, no replays, and it just happens once a month. So can you. You definitely don't want to miss out on this opportunity. And it's on a Sunday so that everybody can join. Oh, yeah. Attendance. I will activate. And all of this, communication, nlp, all of these techniques are life skills. It's not just limited to parenting. You'll use it in every single profession, every single area of your life. So Platinum is not just about parenting. It's about health, relationship, career, money, growth, spirituality, adaptability. So many things. It's like literally a dream world. Just give me a minute. Okay, I'll give you the link. I think the attendance has expired. Oh, no, it's there. Okay, you can mark your attendance on the app now. So go to the live call section on the app and then you can mark your attendance. Teenager slide, please. Yes. No, not the art of getting rich. The science of getting rich. Yeah, here's the slide. Yes. Can I attendance. You can mark on the app. Seema Singh. Yeah. Kinjal has shared the waitlist form. Attendance is not. It will show. Refresh your app. It will show. I can share the link, but I want you guys to get used to marking attendance on the app. It should show. Just refresh your app 100%. It will show. If it's showing for one, it will show for all. It's the same app. See, it's showing. Everybody is now marking. Just log out, login or refresh the app. Please share for zero to nine. Okay, wait. There you go. Take a screenshot of this. And what I want you to do is I want you to go to your team groups and I want you to share what were your biggest bulb on moments, what were your best learnings from today? And don't be like, it was awesome. It was amazing. Write a few pointers. Because when you write a few things, it will stay with you. So this exercise is for you to remember and for you to inspire other mothers in your team who didn't show up. Done. Amazing. And before I let you go, I just want to say I'm so, so, so proud of you for being who you are, for learning, for staying till the end. And your family, your child is very, very lucky to have you because you're committed and you understand that this is so important and it is my dream. It is my hope, it is my prayer, it is my wish that every single mother in every single household will one day be a learning mother. And she learn and then raise her child. Because that's what the world needs. So thank you so much. Love, you guys. This is Riddhi Devra, your parenting coach for life. Always here to love you and always, always here to serve you. Thank you.