A mother with a clingy 18-month-old and an angry 7-year-old gets advice from coach Riddhi Deorah. The older child's aggression stems from lost attention. Deorah recommends one-on-one weekend outings with her and pushing the father to take the toddler so the mother can reconnect with the older daughter.
Questions this video answers
Older: 7 years; Younger: 18 months.
Around 9:00–9:30 PM.
Chapters
I have two daughters. The older one is seven and the younger one is 18 months now. Off late since a few months. My younger one is very clingy towards me. Like she wants me all the time, like, for everything. Or she's like, on my lap, or she wants me to hold her hand and walk around the house. She wants to do everything with me. So because of that, I don't get enough time to spend with my older one. So my older one has become very aggressive.
Very.
Like, she sees that. That I'm forever with the younger one. I'm showering or I'm feeding her. I'm going around with her. Like there's no, like, a me time or there's no, like, you know, a time away from the younger one. And before the younger one, she was like. Like, we used to give a lot of importance and she was everything to us.
How many people?
This is me and my husband.
You and your husband, right?
Yeah.
What time does the younger one sleep and the elder one sleep?
She sleeps at 9, 9:30. 9:30.
Both of them together or different?
Yeah. Like my older one, my husband usually makes her sleep if he's in town, if he's traveling, then all three of us sleep together. Like me with my kids. So both of them have to make them sleep together?
No. So you will have to plan, like, you know, maybe separately you can do one on one with her. Maybe your husband could engage the younger one and you can have some private time with the older one on weekends you want to create?
Husband has zero involvement with my kids. Like, zero. He comes back and the only thing he wants is his phone or an iPad and he'll be watching a movie or he'll be watching reels on Instagram or whatever. But he has like, zero. Zero. Yeah.
I understand. Never asked for it. You can actually tell him that, you know, I want some time with the older one. So would it be okay for you to spend some time with the younger one? Just ask him.
He doesn't care. I tell him this every day.
Okay. And he says I can't. And there's nobody else that could engage the younger one?
No. I have staff at home. I have a lot of staff at home. But the younger one doesn't want to go to anybody.
No. So if the staff is there, you leave her at home with the staff and your husband, because husband's there to supervise. Why am I saying this? It's very important. Because, you know, usually we have a second child because we are like, you know, my elder child will have a Friend.
Sibling.
Yeah, a friend for life. But sometimes that friend becomes the biggest problem if the parenting is not done correctly.
Right.
So what happens is with the young, the older one needs more of your attention because she's like that. She's an adult. She's more mature in her thinking.
So she's 7, but she behaves like she's 15. Like, she's overly mature and, you know, she understands things. But I don't think she's like, this is. This has not gone down very well with her. Become very aggressive.
Is she playing with the younger one?
She loves the younger one. Like when, like, she says that she's her second mother, but she's become very aggressive with me. Like, you know, she's very rude.
Very.
She gets angry at small, small things.
She's emotionally not satisfied.
Okay. Like, I can see a lot of anger inside her. And this is after my younger one. Yeah.
So you have to create a few experiences just with her. Like, you tell her that, you know, and when she comes and tells you, you don't give me any time. You're always with her. If she's ever told you that. Has she told you.
Never says that.
No, she never says that.
Okay. No.
Can you still, you know, what you want to do? Some kids, you know, they don't want to express it, but they feel it or they don't know how to put it into words. So I would recommend on weekends at least create some fun experiences. Like, let's say you can go for a coffee date. Like, you know, you can have coffee, she can have a shake. You can go for an outing and do something fun, even for like one hour, Take some pictures and create that experience. And then whole week you can talk about it.
Okay.
Remember? That was so yummy. Next time, what will we have? Tell me next time, what do you want to do next weekend? So you bringing memories from that previous Saturday and you're also discussing the next Saturday, Saturday, Sunday, whatever works for.
