How Can We Deal With Bullying? Riddhi Deorah

Thank you so much for joining, guys. And this is something new that I'm starting. So every Wednesday I'll be going live for just 15 to 20 minutes and I'll be taking a few questions that you have already asked me. So I'll be putting a question box before I go live. And I've already received a few questions, so I might not be able to answer all the questions that I've received, but I'll try to cover at least two, three questions properly. And if there is any question that you would like to ask, you can put it in the comments below. And I would in the chat box and I would love to take that up. Maybe I'll not be able to take all the questions, but at least some I would like to take. So let's begin. I have two, three questions that I've picked up, and I've picked up these questions on purpose because these are some commonly asked questions. So is my audio clear? If my audio and video is clear, please put yes in the chat box because I want to make sure that everything is clear before, you know, I start to answer those questions. If somebody can just put yes, that would be nice. Right? Thank you so much. So the first question that I want to take up is that how can we deal with bullying? Like, how could we actually train our children to handle bullying if they are actually facing it? So this is a great question. Also, very recently there was a news and it was not a very happy news, so I would not like to share that news here. But it's very important that we prepare our children. So the question is, how do I prepare my child for bullying? So a part of the answer is actually in the question in itself. So the first very important thing that we need to do if we want to prevent our children from getting bullied is to prepare them. The problem happens when we are not prepared for a particular situation. So let's say if your child is going to school and your child does not know what to do when he or she is being bullied, that itself is a problem. So we want to prepare our children. So if somebody is bullying, bullying our child, and our child does not know how to react, they might freeze or they might cry. They might actually sometimes show their own anger. They might laugh. And all of these things can actually feed what the bully is looking for. So the bullies are always looking for a reaction. And the reaction could be a. Could be any reaction. So, you know, laughing could also be a reaction. Smiling back could be a reaction. Hitting can definitely be a Very big reaction. And then, you know, crying can be a reaction. So the bully is always looking for a reaction. So the first thing that we need to train our children for is to actually not give any reaction, to stay calm and to stay neutral. Now, how can we actually train our children to behave like this? We can actually do this by doing a lot of role play with our children. So, you know, you can become the bully and you can tell your child that in school you might actually encounter somebody who, who might speak to you like this or who might make fun of you or who might, you know, so you're preparing your child that, you know, if they make fun of you, understand that it's not about you, it's about them. So you're preparing them and you're letting them know that if something like this happens, it's not about you. It's not about what you are, it's not about the way you look, it's not about the way you speak, it's not about the way you talk. It's about what they see and it's more about them and, and less about you. So the first thing is that you want to shift the focus away from them. Because mostly when kids are getting bullied, they think that, you know, why am I the odd one out, why am I being picked on, why they're making fun of me? So they take everything personally. They feel that I wish I was not so bad looking or I was not so weird looking. You know, these are the kind of thoughts that they go through. So as a parent, it's very important for us to prepare our children. So, you know, like my son, he has like a big black, like a tika type mark on his forehead, right? So now, you know, there is a chance that, you know, kids make fun of each other. So maybe, you know, some kids in the future might make fun of him for that, you know, bits almost like a very dark, like a tilak on his forehead. So, you know, like I have already, you know, started making him feel comfortable with that mark that he has and I've started training him to own that mark so that, you know, in future, if he has to sort of, if somebody picks on it or if somebody comments on it, my child is prepared and it doesn't come as a personal attack and he doesn't overthink it. So first thing is to prepare. Second is to actually encourage them to have a calm, neutral expression. Do this with role play. The third thing is that you can actually encourage your child to speak about what they're going through. So sometimes. And how will we encourage our children to own what they're going through and to talk about what they're going through? So kids usually find it difficult to speak when we do not encourage a healthy conversation. And how do we not encourage a healthy conversation? By immediately trying to correct them, by trying to judge them, by shaming them, blaming them. So it's not always about, you know, trying to fix the behavior. A lot of parenting is also about trying to build that connection. In fact, most of it should be about building connection and less should be on trying to correct the behavior. So when you are giving that space to your child where your child can come and speak free freely to you without being, without fearing that you're going to judge your child without fearing that, you know, if I go to my mother, she might think that, you know, it must be something that I did or she might scold me. So you want to make sure that you have a very healthy communication with your child and it should be a two way communication. So every time your child comes to you with a problem, even if you think that your child is at fault, please do not judge your child, shame your child or blame your child when the child is opening up to you. Because if you do that, you are actually sort of shutting down all the future possibilities of conversation because next time your child is not going to come to you. So understand if you have a problem and you go to your mother and your mother tells you that, you know, this is how it is, this is how it's going to be, you just deal with it, this is how you have to live your life, right? Then probably next time you're not going to go to her for support because she's not giving you a real solution. But you know, just by listening to you can actually be a good idea than giving you solutions like, you know, this is how it's going to be. So just try to listen to your child every time your child comes to you with a problem without judging, blaming and shaming your child, this is going to encourage your child to open up to you freely. If your child is going through something, some troublesome situation at work or school. Also tell your child that you know, if you have any issues in school or if somebody is bothering you, it is important that you let me know because I'm always here to support you. So also let this, you know, let your child know in advance that you're always there to support you and they can always come to you if there is something that's troubling them. Because sometimes if you do not tell them this, they might not know that there is an option where they can come and speak to you about it. So that is very important. Also sometimes kids feel very scared because they feel that if they talk to you about it, the bully might get to know and this might make things even more difficult for them. So what you want to tell your child is that, you know, if you tell me at home, nobody, nobody gets to know about it. And this is just going to stay between you and me. And I promise, till you don't want me to talk about it, I'm not going to bring it up. So we will only talk about it when you really want to talk about it. Because sometimes, you know, with teenagers, when they share something with parents, parents, parents have this tendency of bringing it up again and again and trying to give like over solution, you know, more than that is required. And that might also irritate your child. And your child might, you know, sometimes they're not thinking about it, but you bring it up and that will again irritate them and they will start to feel low in energy. So do not bring it up on your own again and again unless they really come to you. So basically I'll just summarize this very quickly for you. So, so first is to prepare them. Then you know, tell them to have like a neutral expression. Third is encourage them to talk about it. Fourth is have a very solid communication between you and your child. Fifth is also you can encourage them to sort of walk away from the situation. And if they are hanging out, it's important that you know they're hanging out with somebody so like, you know, they can avoid being alone. If there is a bully and you've already figured that out, that your child is being bullied, you can always encourage your child to hang out with a budd so you know, they can hang out. So when they are in a group, the chances of being bullied is a little lesser. Also if it is happening, they at least have some support next to them which can make them feel emotionally more resilient. So these are a few things that you need to check for and a few good practices that you can actually incorporate and you know, do and prepare use to prepare your child. If you want to actually reduce the effects of bullying on your child. Understand that we cannot eliminate the bullies, but we can always prepare our children to face the bullies. So that's what we are going to do because we cannot control the world, but we can control our children and our behavior and our attitude towards them so that they can really freely open up to us. So that was the.