How Divya Became A Calm Parent? Riddhi Deorah

Welcome. Welcome. This is the Aspire to Inspire series. I'm Riddhi Devra, founder of the Easy Parenting Hub community. And today I have with me Divya, a mother to a beautiful four and a half year old son. She's been in the corporate environment for over 16 years and then she decided to be a full time mommy. And this series especially designed to inspire mothers in order to learn more about parenting because with every new thing that you learn, your journey as a mother keeps getting easier. And we have mothers sharing their personal experience and trying to inspire other mothers to learn about parenting. So, Divya, are you ready for this? And thank you so much for doing this. Before we start with the questions that I have for you, thank you so much for agreeing to do this. It takes a lot of effort and courage and the fact that you agreed was very, very special for me with.

You, coming from you, I was like, wow, I'm the chosen one. And a big hi to everyone from the parenting community. It's been such an honor and I feel blissful to have you. I just saw how I started knowing about you, you know, through an insta post of yours where you were talking about kids and your flashcards. The first interaction I had with you was more to do with flashcards and then you were starting with your mindfulness room and I was so happy to be first ones on the team. So yes, that's how I, you know, journey in gaining knowledge from you and you have always been very positive for it.

Right? Thank you so much. And yes, I think you've always been with me from the very start. And I'm so glad that you're still with me and that really makes me feel very good about the work that I do.

So.

So my first question to you, Divya, is that after joining the community, did you feel a difference in your experience like, you know, versus, you know, when you were not learning something and when you started learning this whole thing about parenting, do you see a difference in your experience as a mother?

Yes, absolutely. Initially, when I started, I started with your one of those programs where you were generally talking about parenting, you know, how to the 100% attention to a child like mindful parenting. So those were the initial. But the major thing when I, you know, transformed in me was in the mindfulness room sessions wherein first is the change I've had is the attitude of gratitude. I always had it. I would do it on and off. But with you, being with you, it's like, you know, you've actually cemented it and you made it permanent in me. So I'm very. The moment I haven't done it for a couple of days and I start feeling a little anxious. I feel, yes, I need to go back to that. Maybe, you know, everybody goes through the ups and downs, but now I know where I have to do the positive charge back. That's. That's what changes it.

Right? That's beautiful. Yes. And I feel that, you know, even though I talk about it so much, sometimes you all have like our days when we are not feeling very high on energy, but the fact when you have access to all the information, you can really get back and get back that energy and start to feel a lot better about yourself. So my next question to you, Divya, is that do you think that learning about parenting is important because a lot of mothers, or not just mothers, I think, you know, the societal conditioning is such that, you know, we are just expected to know everything about parenting the minute we become mothers. And we are never really taught how to be better mothers or what is the right thing to do or what is the better thing to do. So do you think that it is important and that learning can really make a huge difference in the lives of others?

I can talk about from my experience is reason being. I joined you was because I felt there is so much of information right now. And this is kind of a skill, you know, which you need to adapt. Our mothers used to feel, you know, there's like a in inborn instinct in you as a mother. Absolutely. Yes. But sometimes I feel, you know, we tend to over indulge the child sometimes or we tend to, you know, have these ego fights with the child, you know, those past struggles. So now with you, you know, handling and telling me and guiding me is one thing I've learned is that you choose your battles. And I've become much calmer as a parent. There are times when, you know, the kids will go through their tantrums and they will embarrass you and all that. But now I know, yes, it's just a passing phase. And yes, there are times when, you know, you will follow some guidelines given by you or. And I feel every parenting is, you know, individual also looking at the person's experiences or conditions in their family. You know, it's. The family structure also matters a lot. But it's a huge, huge, you know, information which is given. You would say it's such a. A good tool for small thing like a basic. What I like about once you told is that, you know, we generally tell the Child. No, don't do that. No, don't do this. You know, we're doing too much. No, no, no to everything. He's a child, you know, then either we just expect him to be mature, which is not correct. It's a child, he will do everything. Or you give him, support him with reasons, you know, all right, if he's not listening to you will start telling him, choose yourself. So you give them choices or you give them those conditions. You make the choices. So the kid also knows, you know, it will might in the initial it will go, you know, that's consistency for everything is important. So that's what is the major thing I feel. Yes, it's. And we all are in nuclear families now, most of us. So mothers, our mothers and grandmoms will always have their guidance. But yes, now with so much of information and so much technology also you need to make them as a, you know, family orientation, parents, the handholding. So that's what I feel that is important.

Perfect. So I think you've already answered my next question to you. But you know, like I want to still ask you that question just to get more clarity. So my next question to you is what are those top three things that you've learned after you joined this community? So very briefly as a parent or.

As you're talking about as a person? Talk about.

Yeah, as a whole, as of course I think it applies even as a parent. But yeah. What were your top three learnings from this community?

The first thing as a parent I need 100% intention as in initially what would happen is if my son Yuvan would be playing, you know, and I would be busy with some phone or something. And I said all right. He'll keep on asking me, he'll approach me. So I would rather, you know, sometimes I would give him the attention and there would be times which would be 60% also where I would say please do it. Don't come to mama again and again. But now it's the reverse. Even if I spend those 10 minutes or 12 minutes or 15 minutes, I am there with him. I am physically, mentally there. Because I've realized now he also enjoys, you know, could be small like you give those 10 minute activities. So could be there certain times we'll like do the blocks with him and I'll keep sitting with him. I'll try to tell him. Or maybe we play those games, you know, because Hindi somehow, you know, we also don't realize that kids Hindi you have to train them on. So we do all those games or There would be some just let him play with sand or play DOH or whatever. But I'm there. I might not be there the whole time, but I am. When I'm there with him, I'm mentally there with him. It's not that. It's not, you know, physically you're there, but you don't want the child to keep on coming and all. But yes, that is one thing. And another thing is, you know, now as a person also, what I see is I'm much, much calmer. I'm much calmer. And if I am getting too low on my energy and something which really resonated with me once when you were in one of the sessions, you're saying that we've got heard by somebody, could be in the family of friends, expectations. First try to minimize your expectations, which 100% doesn't happen as a human. You will always fall back. So how to make it positive, you know, so it's a different sort of perspective that you start finding or you make yourself busy and you start, you know, giving them, you know, maybe somebody must have said something to you. Could be that person is also going through his troubles or maybe they. Their perspective would be different and to start, you know, thinking about something else or make. Make something more indulging yourself into something so you get your mind off rather than, you know, negative talk. You start giving your positive talk. So, yeah, these things have really helped.

Right. Thank you so much, Divya. And if you could send one message to all the viewers, what would that be like? One thing from you. This doesn't have to be from me. So you're the mentor now. So if there is one message that you would like to share with mother.

I would feel if as a person you want to improve yourself, it doesn't mean that as a parent, but I think as a holistic, as a human being. Because once if I am happy myself, I Internet internalize my, you know, self, then only I'll be able to, you know, guide my child. Also, if I am not in that mind space, I will not be able to help anybody or my environment. So the moment you are happy, you're giving yourself importance and you're working on it and you're gaining knowledge. So this is that thing that you keep on upgrading your skill as a parent also as a human being also. So that's how I feel.

Right. And that is so beautifully put. I think only when we grow ourselves can we really raise our children. That is so important that, you know, when we have, you know, what goes in comes out. So we constantly need to keep updating and upgrading ourselves so that we can do justice to our kids in terms of, you know, giving them access to better information. So thank you so much, Divya, for doing this. Really appreciate this. And I'm always there whenever you need me.

Absolutely. We have to meet in person. That is still pending.

Yes. I'm real. Yeah. I think I'm gonna plan something. All of us can meet, and, yeah, we can connect, like, at a personal level. Thank you so much. So much.

Thank you so much. God bless.

Yeah. Thank you.