Most Effective Ways To Deal With Toddler Tantrums | Riddhi Deorah

Are you struggling to manage toddler tantrums? Do you feel that your child is always crying and it's getting very difficult for you? Do you find it difficult to manage your child because you feel that your child is being stubborn about almost everything? If you're going through any of these experiences, then stay with me till the end because I'm going to share with you what are toddler tantrums and the most effective way to actually deal with toddler tantrums. I'm Vrini Devra, a certified parenting expert and founder of Easy Parenting Hub, a digital school which is helping mothers across the world. So now let understand what are tantrums? And before I tell you what are tantrums, let me first tell you that tantrums are something that we cannot completely eliminate. We can only help our children manage their tantrums. We cannot eliminate tantrums completely. So if you are a mother, please be ready for some tantrums. It's very important that we have the right expectations. Because if you are expecting something completely different and you see a little tantrum, also, it's very easy for you to get irritated and angry and frustrated. But when you are ready for the fact that, okay, some tantrum is going to be there, it's going to be very, very easy for you to handle the situation. So be ready for some tantrums if you're a mother. Now, what are tantrums? Tantrums are nothing, but it's basically an outward behavior. It's an outward expression of what they are feeling inside, the emotions that our children are feeling inside. So it's an outward expression or a behavior of what? Of the underlying emotions that our children are experiencing. And those emotions could be anything. They could be irritated, frustrated, sad, they could be angry. It could be any emotion which is showing up, showing up as tantrums. Because our children do not have enough vocabulary to communicate what they are feeling. And that's why they usually cry. And some kids also bang their heads on the wall. They bang their head on the floor, some kids start hitting. So whatever. It could be different ways of expressing, but it's going to be expressed in one of these forms. And mostly it involves crying. Now, how do we deal with tantrums? The mistake that most of us make is that we just try to stop the crying or, or we just try to stop the behavior that we can see. So if your child is hitting you, try to stop the hitting. Or if our child is banging the head on the wall, we're going to stop that. If the child is crying. We're going to try and stop the crying. In all of these cases, the result would be very temporary because what we are essentially doing is we are just actually fixing the behavior without addressing the underlying emotion. But now if the emotion is there, the behavior is going to keep surfacing and it's going to manage their emotions better. When they're able to manage their emotions better, the tantrums will autom automatically go down. So this is a very powerful sequence that we need to follow. And if you could follow this sequence, it's going to take some effort, it's going to take patience. But if you do this right, you're going to save yourself a lot of time. And the next thing that you really need to do is to always keep our children engaged. What this means is that our kids are very curious also. They have a lot of energy and they need to be mentally stimulated at all times. So it's very important that we do something fun with them, something productive with them, and keep them engaged. Because if they're engaged and busy, then they will not get irritated. But if they are bored and they don't know what to do next, they get very irritated very easily. So if you can keep a check on these two things that you are constantly working on their underlying belief system and helping them build their ability to manage emotions, tantrums will go down. And also try to keep them productively engaged. Doing something fun and connecting with them, spending more time in connection is that I should get the best of everything. I should. Third belief system that they have is that I should be the best at everything. So if they are raining, if they are running, or if they are playing a game, they want to come first always. And the fourth belief system that they have is that nobody should say no to me. So kids have these four underlying belief system. Now, if anything happens in the environment which goes against their belief system. So let's say if they want a toy and you don't give it to them and you say no to them, they start feeling irritated. So an emotion is going to show up. Then again, you know, if they are running and if they don't come first, they might get irritated. Or if their friend has a toy, they want that toy because they want the best of everything. And if they don't have it again, there is a chance they might get irritated. So these are very the four main underlying belief system that children have which lead to those emotions. Now what we really need to do is we first need to start addressing the underlying belief system. So when we start working on these underlying belief systems. The children are able to handle their emotions or manage their emotions better. And when they can manage their emotions better, the tantrums automatically start to reduce. So this is the sequence that we need to follow. It starts by changing their underlying belief system, then automatically their emotional management, their ability to manage their emotions will improve. And when they're able to manage their emotions more effectively, the tantrums are going to reduce. But what we usually do is we start with the behavior, which is the tantrum, without addressing the emotions and without addressing the underlying belief system. And that's why we mostly end up with a very temporary result. So now how do we change the underlying belief system? To change the underlying belief system, the most effective tool, according to me, is storytelling. So you can tell your child lots of stories. And through these stories, you can start to change their underlying belief system. Like, I'll give you an example from something that happened with my son. So he's learning to play the keyboard, and there's this one song called King William's March. And he was really struggling to play that song. And he got very irritated because he tried and he just couldn't do it. And he just wanted to give up. And just like, I think an hour after that, I was trying something and I was not able to do it. And I kept trying. I kept trying till it happened. And he was just sitting and he was looking at me, and when he saw me doing that, he got this whole idea on his own that it's so important to try and on his own, he went back to the keyboard and he started trying. So also, by modeling the right behavior, you can encourage your children to try and to sort of change their underlying belief system. Also, stories like, you know, very simple stories like two friends are running, and then one friend falls and the other friend, instead of finishing the race, he goes back, he picks his friend up, and then they finish the race together. So through this story, what have you done? You've changed that underlying belief system, that coming first or being the best at everything is the most important thing. So it's so important when you start to change their underlying belief system, they'll be able to manage their emotions better. When they're able to manage their emotions better, the tantrums will automatically go down. So this is a very powerful sequence that we need to follow. And if you can follow the sequence, it's going to take some effort, it's going to take patience. But if you do this right, you're going to save yourself a lot of time. And the next thing that you really need to do is to always keep our children engaged. What this means is that our kids are very curious also. They have a lot of energy and they need to be mentally stimulated at all times. So it's very important that we do something fun with them, something productive with them, and keep them engaged. Because if they're engaged and busy, then they will not get irritated. But if they are bored and they don't know what to do next, they get very irritated very easily. So if you can keep a check on these two things that you are constantly working on their underlying belief system and helping them build their ability to manage emotions, tantrums will go down. And also try to keep them productively engaged, doing something fun and connecting with them, spending more time in connection and less time in correction. Then again, tantrums will go down. So these two things, I think are the most important things. If you can do this, you will see tantrums going down. Definitely. That is a guarantee that I'm giving you. So that was what I wanted to share with you. And if you think that you found value in this video, then make sure you leave a comment under this video. Also, subscribe to my channel and I'm having a workshop. I've put the link in the comments. So make sure you come for that workshop because I'll be sharing with you some very easy tools and techniques that's going to help you make your journey as a mother a lot easier. So make sure you join me for the workshop. Thank you.