Khushboo's older son bullied his younger sibling, likely seeking attention after being cared for by grandparents during COVID. The coach recommends one-on-one time, empathetic conversations without blame, and repairing the parent-child bond through consistent attention and an apology for the neglect.
Seeing was the elder one. So now I don't know how to handle this. Because the elder one is way smarter, way stronger.
No. And go to your elder one. It's not like he's doing it on purpose. And with all due respect to your interpretation of the situation, I feel that maybe it's not the elder one, you know, because 6 years old can be bossy naturally.
Also actually the things which he has done is like, you know, he keeps telling me all the time, he is telling me Dhairya is doing this to me. Even if Dhairya comes near Vansh, he feels that he will take this. Dhairya will not let me do this. Dhairya will not let me do that.
Yeah. So what you should do is you should go to Dhairya and you should sit down with him and tell him that mummy wants a little favor. And you know, I've come with a lot of. You know, I really hope that you help me out here. I'm not gonna blame you. It's just a small help that I need. So just tell him that, you know, I feel that, you know, you're doing this because, you know, you're protecting yourself or you're the elder brother and that's okay. But I feel that, you know, he's doing the same to other kids. And that's really bothering me as a mother and you know, as an elder brother, you're also here to, you know, take care of the family dynamics and everything. So see if you can help me out here and not push him or not scold him and shout at him and do what you want, but you can do it more gently and let's for a week.
Okay? Ma', am, one very important thing. I don't know how sensitive is this? I. I tried one thing. I holded my elder one's hand and I asked him, is there something bothering you? I wanted to know why is he also doing this with my younger one? Teasing him or maybe poking him or maybe hitting him in our absence. So I holded his hand and my son just broke down crying. The elder one, I don't even remember any incident, any incident that has happened which made him do something like this. And he is, he just broke down crying and he's not answering anything now he's like, I don't want to talk, I don't want to say. And he just cried. Like for five minutes I holded his hand and just cried.
And after that is he started to tease again?
No, now he's not teasing. He's more Aware of the situation that mama has addressed something to me.
Maybe, you know, it's, you know, some kids, you know, maybe they're, if they're feeling neglect, you know, bullies, they are actually kids who do not get attention at home, maybe. So I'm not, I don't know what the situation is at your place. I'm just telling you the basic, you know, most bullies are usually because, you know, I went for this event and there was this guy who was 40 and you know, we went through a process, you know, where they take us back in time and all of that. And he turned into a small kid and he started sharing how he used to bully other kids. There was a lot of probing and then, you know, a lot of talking. And they asked him that, you know, how did you turn into a bully? And this and that. And he said I was a bully because both my parents were so busy, they had no time for me. I got no attention. So when I used to bully other kids, I used to get their attention and something inside of me felt really good. I don't know what it was.
I think it was a big eye opener. I think you are bang on because I now I was not thinking about this area at all. But yes, since one was born in Corona and there was so much hustle, bustle around, we had to send my elder one to my parents and we were alone taking care of the younger one and we had no time for the elder one at all at that moment.
Yeah, so what you should do is you should spend more time with your elder one. Maybe, you know, just go out with him for a lunch date or go for a movie or a drive or picnics. Because, you know, some kids, they are very loud about what they feel and some are not loud with words, but in action. You know, like us. Sometimes, you know, a mom in law will say something and will come and hit the child because we are feeling irritated and all that irritation will come out on somebody else. So maybe he's irritated because of some other reason. But the younger one is an easy target. Just like for us, our children are easy targets. Is easy target.
Mammoths. I can't explain what I'm feeling right now. Is something out of my mind. I never thought about this aspect ever about the elder one being in this zone. And he cried today and he's telling me that, you know, you should have told me, asked me earlier. I don't know how to deal with this whole thing, you know, that's why.
I feel that learning is so important. And I'm so glad that you're doing it, Khushboo. And things will only keep getting better. So, you know, don't get into the guilt phase because that's something very easy to do right now. You want to get into the good action mode.
Yes. Yes. That's why I had to take this call today with you because I don't know how to start. Where to start?
Just go and tell him I'm really sorry for maybe there were times when I was not with you or there were times where I did not. I wasn't available to you as a mother but now I want to make up for the last lost time and I want to do some things together, you know? And then you ask him what would he like to do and then maybe you can do those things together.
And how can I make the sibling better now? Like, you know, both of them once.
He'S feeling better, that will automatically get better. You'll not have to do anything.
Then I will have to work on the elder one first.
Not work on work.
I mean work with. Yeah, work with.
Don't have to ever work on our kids. Yes, we have to always work with them.
