Parenting Talk With Dr. Radhakrishnan Pillai | Riddhi Deorah | Parenting Interview

And today's live is very, very special. It's extra special because I'm almost like I'm hosting somebody that I really look up to. He's a phenomenal person. He's an author, he's a leader, he coaches leaders. And he's just, just amazing. And usually I try to memorize the introduction, but his introduction is so long that I actually had to write it down here. So I'm going to read this out to you and then we'll start. So today I'll be hosting Dr. Radhakrishnan Pillai. And he's a PhD in philosophy from the University of Mumbai. He's trained many leaders in corporates, academics and military. And he's done extensive research in Kautalya's Arthashastra. And he's also authored several books based on his research. He's authored more than 15 plus books and he's a certified management consultant in IIM. He's authored books like Corporate Chanakya in the year 2010 and it's been a bestseller ever since then Chanakya's 7th Secret of Leadership. Chanakya in youn Katha Chanakya, which was also which was launched internationally in New York. Then Chanakya in Daily Life and Aun Vikshiki Inside Chanakya's Mind. So he's authored 15 books, most of his books are bestsellers. And he's a visiting faculty in IIM IIT and I am an Indian Institute of Science. And he's also got the Lokhnath National Educational Award as the best professor in philosophy and top 30 Indian management thinkers globally by thinker150.com so that's a very, very long introduction and he's actually a phenomenal person. So welcome to my page. It's so exciting to host you. I'm really, really grateful for you agreeing to come live with me. It's a very, very good feeling. And I've read your book Corporate Chanakya and it's amazing. It's phenomenal. And I have prepared a few questions for you. And these are a few parenting questions that I get all the time. But we like your viewpoint, your thoughts about these questions and how you can use your research on Chanakya Shastra to actually explain all of this to us. So really look forward to this. And before we start, I would just like you to address the audience and tell a little about your journey to us.

Thank you so much, Riddhi, for getting me on this particular platform. It's an honor to speak to you. Such a very Famous person in the parenting field. My background is I'm happily married, two kids. And the first thing that I like to do is, you know, talk to everyone about how to be a good human being. I think that's the first thing. The second thing is, of course, my subject has been Chanakyan leadership. So because of that, I've been fortunate that, you know, I've been able to write so many books, travel across the globe. So primarily introducing myself. There are three roles that I play. You know, one is an author. Everybody knows me as, you know, Chanakya books author. The second thing is basically I'm an academician. I had a institute in the University of Mumbai called the Chanakya International Institute of Leadership Studies. And the third is I have a company, a consulting company where we mentor a lot of leaders. So this is my short introduction.

Right. Thank you so much. So let's begin because I don't want to hold you for too long, and my list of questions is pretty long. So the first thing that I want to ask you is how do we speak to our kids so that they listen? And what is the age appropriate way of actually talking to our children?

So I think the best way to make the kids listen is actually listen to the kids.

Right?

And, you know, it's very important that, you know, somewhere parenting is almost like a traditional method. You know, my father, so to beat my children or my mother taught me this way. I have to teach my children also like that. I don't think that's the right method. Every generation has to improve its parenting. And the parenting is such a wonderful journey. I'll tell you a small, you know, quote that I read about parenting. Somebody said very nicely that before becoming a father, I had six rules of how to bring up children. And now I have six children and no rules. So the whole idea about parenting is about it's a very unique experience. Even if you're identical twins, every child is unique. So I think the best way for them to listen is to actually show them what we call as a role modelship. So we need to be role model. The simple thing is that if you want children to read books, first you start reading books. If you want children to study, you start enrolling yourself in a course and you study so children don't listen to you. Children watch you. So it's very important to be a role model parent. And before you tell, do it yourself and they will definitely listen to you.

Right, Right. And the next question that I have is, how do we control our anger as parents? You know, like a lot of us know that it's not good to lose our calm. And some of us, you know, really, and now not some of us, actually most of us is good.

So I feel that it is always good to be a little bit angry. But to get controlled over by anger is not good. So you know, in fact, Chanakya says that, you know, for the healthy society you need to have something called as dandaniti. Dandani means using of punishment. So if you are able to control your anger and keep the anger to the optimum level, that is fine. Let me tell you, children also understand when the parents are angry because they are actually good face readers. They can look into your eyes and say, oh, mama is angry now and papa is angry now, so better keep quiet. But the problem comes when, you know, they say, you know, always she will get angry, always she will shout. So I would suggest that, you know, use anger as a tool rather than getting carried away by anger. So if you do it again and again and again, they'll take this is his or her habit. So she'll always keep shouting. So they will not have an impact. But imagine a person who never gets angry and that person actually gets angry only once. That is when the impact happens. So yes, a little bit of a patience, little bit of a struggle is always there when you have to do self control, no doubt about it. But reduce the number of times when you actually express anger to your children. And believe me, they will actually understand your anger better than we understand ourselves.

Right? That's so beautiful. And that's a very beautifully explained thing because I feel that anger is something that we cannot get rid of. It's something we can manage. So manage the number of times that you get angry. That's really nicely put. And the next question, and I'm asking you questions that the audience has actually requested for. So next question that I have is how to deal with kids tantrums. Sometimes they know that, you know, if I throw a tantrum or if I lie down on the floor or if I behave like this, my parents are going to give in. So they are very smart, they pick up on patterns. So how do we actually deal with it? What can we do to actually control it?

No. So again, chanakya strategy comes here. It's called samadana danda bheda. You know, this is a very famous kind of a strategy where you have to look at the situation and then study and deal with the child in the children actually deal with you better. They are more psychologists than Parents, children know. So actually they know how to get things done. Important thing is that, you know, children will throw tantrums and if we get carried away one or two times, they get into that habit and say, okay, if you want to get work done, this is the way. So there are two things I would suggest how to avoid tantrums. Number one, use this tool of sticking to the no, at least once, you know, we parents easily give up and tell that, you know, okay, now take it, take it. But better be quiet. Better be quiet. There should be one time you have to allow the trainers to go to the highest level. Okay, I'm not going to eat food. Don't eat food. I'm not going to do homework. Don't go do homework. I'm not going to actually, you know, go to the class today, maybe the webinar class. Don't. And you'll be surprised because every time you're giving in, giving in, giving in, the child knows next time also he or she will give in. But you know, once you tell that you don't, doesn't matter. Keep your emotions under control. You know, these parents, and especially mothers fall into the emotional trap very easily. Show them once that you know, it's okay, but I will not give it to you next time. They'll be careful. So yes, you have to deal with tantrums, but show them that skill every time it will not work. So once you are firm next time they'll be careful about it.

Right, right. So like basically set the right pattern and expectations for them. Very nice. Right, right. And the next question that I have is like, praise. Like, you know, there's this. A lot of talk are happening about praising our kids and how important it is to praise them in order to raise confident kids. But like, you know, how much to praise, when to praise, why to praise. So if you could just talk a little about that.

Yes, very, very important. Praise and expression of love is a very important part of parenting. So we need to tell the child that. Very good. Come on, do it. Appreciate them, give them some rewards, recognition, give them some gifts. Very, very important. But you know, there is a fine line. If you keep praising too much, sometimes it can actually blow. I mean, make that ego look bigger. So, you know, it is very, very important to make sure that they get the confidence. But let them not be overconfident. This is where the thin line comes in. If they are not praised, they will lose confidence, but if they're over praised, they will become overconfident. And that is also bad. So I think we need to somewhere, let's say a child is always giving first rank, first rank prior praise them. But you know, it's important to tell them, listen, you know, you are first because of so many reasons, not only because you are a good student, you are great teachers. And you know, maybe the mothers are also contributing their bit to actually make sure the child is studying well. So somewhere the question is to praise them, but also keep them balanced at the mental level. If the success goes into the head, that is where the problem starts. Make sure you praise them, but not so much that they become arrogant and they expect this from everybody else. So keeping balance is what the solution is, right?

Also we have this nice question in between, which I'll take up. How do we actually get to know that our kids are getting overconfident?

Very lovely question. Because you know, children's behavior is something that we have to keep watching and observing. If the child is overconfident, then you can see right from the body language, the way they walk, the way talk, you know, the way they express themselves. An underconfident child also expresses through the body language. So if a child has lost confidence, he or she will isolate himself or herself, sit in a corner, not eat food. They'll be socially very non interactive with other people. So you have to be good observant of your child's moods and behaviors. If you find the child is actually getting a little bit more arrogant, we need to pull them down also a little bit. So yes, they have to be confident, but the moment they are overconfident, that's a problem. You know, we did a small exercise for parents and children, of course, you know, and then we told, you know, please express low confidence, overconfidence and right confidence. Because low confidence is not good, over confidence is not good, but right confidence. And when child came up with a very nice drama and say, so you can actually show confidence by the right posture. So he showed this, like this. So if you are in low in confidence, your body language will be like this. You know, if you're more confident, you are like this. But your right confidence, your shoulders will be balanced. So think about it, you need to have the right confidence to make the child grow and be a good parent.

Right? Right. It's so beautiful. And the next question that I have, which I feel that your research will really help us with, is hitting kids, okay? Like, you know, can we like sometimes go to the extent of actually hitting them when we lose our calm and will that have a really negative impact on their growth and development. And this is a very debatable thing.

No, no, no. Hitting kids is good, okay? In fact, Chanakya says this also that, you know, if you don't punish the child, okay, then the child can get into the whole framework of mind, you know, attitude kind of thing. But at the same time, while hitting the children, you have to also know that it should not be hurting beyond a point. And, you know, hitting the child is not just physical. It also can be emotional and mental, okay? So as they say, you know, there are these parents who are born in India but are raising children in probably America or developed countries. So, you know, they have been brought up in a way where their parents hit them, slap them a little bit around those things, and then they go to probably us. And they're very afraid of hitting their children. But the moment they come here for a vacation, they get down at the airport and give the child one little chapa, you know, now I'm feeling very happy that I'm a good mother. So the whole idea over here is that, you know, use the hitting and the punishment discriminately. Don't try to do that. You know what? It's not good because then they'll get into a fear psychology. Then, you know, it's not good because, you know, it can be emotionally hurting, physically hurting. But I'll tell, you know, children also love to be actually punished a little bit. You'd be surprised. I know of a story. I know of a story when a girl actually went to the mother and, you know, she was expressing something and all those things, and mama told, you know, that, you know, beta, beta, beta, beta. And, you know, the daughter actually hit the mother, and the mother got really upset. I have never hit you in my life. And you know what the daughter told mama? You always tell me when I have come with a problem that, you know, please consider your mother as a friend. And the doctor tells her, mother, I don't require friends. I don't require friends because I have too many friends. I actually require a mother in. You will correct me when I'm going wrong. So please understand. Yes. Even children know that there is somebody who will correct me, if necessary, even hit me a little bit. But that hitting is not out of frustration or anger or some, you know, revenge. So when you hit some enemy, that hitting is very different. You are having that, you know, whole thing that, you know, you never do that with children. So a little bit of a hitting is actually the joy of parenting. Enjoy that, but don't trouble them Too much.

Okay, also one question, which is a follow up of the same question. Till what age can we actually hit them? You know, because after a certain point, I feel hitting should not be allowed. So till what age? You know, like you mentioned that hitting is okay sometimes, but when can we start? And when should we stop this process of hitting?

No, I think hitting should continue lifelong. Okay, but, but, but, but it moves from physical hitting to emotional to intellectual. Okay, so let me explain that to you. So when you're a small child, you know, you can physically correct them, pull them and all those things. But then when they become teenagers, you can't use physical force, but that is the time you have to hit them emotionally, saying that beta. Okay, so that's also hitting, but that's not with the rod in the hand. But that's. Listen, you need to discipline yourself, okay, as you grow bigger, especially when the child becomes a father, when you become a grandfather, that type of hitting is required. And then you don't understand about parenting. Okay? So I think what moves from a physical hitting to actually mental and emotional and intellectual? Believe me, it is said in our shastras, it is said in the Taitri Upanishadri, Upanishad, so many of them saying that you actually become a complete parent only when you become a grandparent. You become a complete parent when you actually become a grandparent. It's a truth, because you need to correct your children who are also parents. They may not know parenting. So I would say, you know, hitting means actually correcting. Hitting is not just about, you know, using your force. It's also correcting, discipline them, directing them. So I think every child, whether he's 6 or 60, requires some discipline and guidance.

Right, right. That's really beautiful. And there is actually this question that I have here, like the involvement of grandparents in the child's life. You know, sometimes there is a lot of this debate about parents, like the grandparents not doing what the parents want to do with their children. And then the parents feel that, you know, the interference is way too much and that the child is not growing up the way they want their child to grow up just because of what the grandparents are doing. Because grandparents have this excess love and emotion, compassion, and, you know, they completely forget about their kids. And they actually, the focus shifts completely on the grandchildren once they become grandparents. So what. How can we actually respond to such a situation as parents? What is the right thing to do?

So remember one thing. Grandparents could not actually complete their love with their own children. So they completed with their Grandchildren. So you know, every time you want to pamper your child and all, it's not possible because, you know, to discipline them. But it's only when grandparents come around, the childhood is actually complete. So now coming back, this is actually not the problem of the children or the grandparents. It's a problem of the parents.

Right?

Okay. It's actually the problem of the parents because between the grandchildren and the grandparents, there is total tuning. It is the parents who are the sandwich. So I read some beautiful quote. It said between the. So between the grandparents and the children, there is a common enemy. Okay? So basically it is a parents problem. Now coming back, please understand, parents also know this, that they require grandparents for the healthy bringing up of a child. What you can't do, the grandparents can do. What you can't actually, you know, achieve, actually grandparents can do. And believe me, no family is complete without grandparents. So the grandparents actually play the beautiful role of not only pampering them but actually teaching them values, teaching them morals, ethics. So it's okay for the grandparents to spoil the child a bit. You are the ones who correct them. Remember, without grandparenting, no parenting is complete. And without grandparents, no children are complete.

Wow. So beautiful. That was beautiful. And of course the grass is always greener on the other side. So if you don't have grandparents, you want grandparents. And if you haven't, then you have a box of complaints. So that's true. And the next question that I have for you is that how can we ensure that, you know, we are raising independent kids who are not always dependent, who are not always looking at us for approval and can actually decide for themselves what is it that we can do.

Absolutely. Absolutely. In fact, I'll tell you what. You only will come to know whether your children are independent when they are away from you. So when they go out, maybe face the world and especially they go out from the city or the place and many times the country that you are living in, only then you will come to know whether they are independent. Till that particular time, you have to train them, train them, train them. And therefore Swami Chinmayananda used to tell very nicely, youth are not useless. They are useless. Youth are not careless. They are careless. So I think what you should do is that give them small, small responsibilities in the house. That's a training for responsibility and becoming independent. So you know, maybe you give them 10,000 rupees and say, you know, this time the Diwali gifts should be bought by you. So 10,000 rupees is a big amount. It's not a pocket money, right? It's actually part of your major family budget. But slowly what happens, you are around and you can guide them. So tomorrow when the child earns maybe 50,000 rupees, they will know how to be independently and responsibility use such a money. So in our leadership field it is said that if you want to make your child a king, first give them a kingdom. Okay, if you want to make your child king, first give them a kingdom. So can you create some mini kingdoms for them saying that you organize this birthday party, I'm there with you. Unfortunately, we become parents forever. Even if the children are independent. What we should be doing is actually become mentors when they're leaders. So right from the childhood, give them small, small responsibilities. You know, I think most of the mothers know, especially when they're training the girls, you know, getting in the kitchen, then, you know, wash it out or serve it in the table. I think what is very important is also for the boys. And today we are talking about uni gender. So I think independence will come over a period of time. Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People said something very nicely. It seems that children go through three phases. First one is called dependence. Second is called independence. And the third stage is called interdependence, which means when the child is small, they're totally dependent. You know, they can't even move, they can't even feed themselves. Slowly, slowly you train them to be independent. But you know what, when they're independent and gone, they will come back to you because they realize a grown up child also requires a parent. That's when interdependence comes in. So to bring out the best in your child, give them small responsibilities, watch them, let them make some mistake, but if the bird has to fly, it has to leave the nest.

That's so beautifully answered. I'm loving this. I'm learning so much. And I love how you mentioned that if you want them to be kings, give them kingdom. So I feel that as parents sometimes we have trust issues and we cannot really trust our little ones and we cannot trust that they are good enough to actually take control and take charge. So again, you know, the problem comes back to us, so we have to let go slowly, slowly. That's really, really well put. And the next question that I have is how to deal with fear and anxiety in our kids. So some, some kids have this anxiety issue like separation anxiety, stranger anxiety. Sometimes they can be very confident at home, but once they step out, they get into a shell and you know, and like these days, I'm getting a lot of parents who are writing to me and they're telling me that, you know, my child knows everything and he knows songs and rhymes, but when he sits for his class, he'll go like, he'll become completely mute and he's not going to talk. And it's impossible for me to put across to the teacher that my child knows it. But he's not just. He's not talking. So what can we do to actually overcome all this?

Very, very interesting question. And I'm going to give you a tip, a suggestion which most of the parents will be surprised with. Start teaching your children meditation. Meditation is too small. He doesn't sit in one place. That's exactly why you should teach the meditation. You know, it's unfortunate that meditation is only thought about that. You know, it is something with spirituality and moksha, no? If a child can actually sit down for 20 minutes every day and watch his or her thoughts, believe me, they'll know how to not get carried away by thoughts. What is depression? What is suicidal tendencies? What is anxiety? They are only states of the mind, right? The same situation can be very, very positive for one person, but the same thing cannot be handled by other child and he gets into wrong thinking. Can you believe this? I teach my children meditation. They're too small, you know, they're not very big. My son is in sixth, you know, hardly fourth standard and my daughter in sixth standard. They meditate every day for half an hour. It's not easy, you know, because they are very hyper. But believe me, believe me, if you teach them how to watch their thoughts in childhood, when they grow up, they know how to detach yourself from the mind and not get carried away. Those people who meditate actually become very confident and they know how to deal with the other person because they don't get carried away by their own thoughts or by others thoughts. I know it's a little bit of a different practice, but if you yourself as parents can sit down, calm and quiet and watch your thoughts 20 minutes every day, believe me, children can do that. And those children who can meditate are actually mentally balanced, emotionally stable and spiritually evolved. So start teaching that and you'll see the solution.

Right? Right? Yes. I think after this live, I'll get many questions how to start teaching them meditation.

So I'll teach them, don't worry.

Okay? Yes. And then this, I think you've already answered how to dis. Okay, but yeah, like how to discipline. So the question that I asked you was is hitting okay? And the question now that I have for you is how do we actually discipline our kids? So you already mentioned by doing something like, you know, like by modeling the right behavior. Sometimes hitting is okay, sometimes praising is okay. But if there is anything that you would like to add.

Yeah, so it's very important. In the South African culture, it is said you require a tribe to bring up a child. In the Indian culture, it is said you require a village to bring up a child. I would say that, you know, in our generation, unfortunately we are becoming nuclear families and, you know, it is becoming a burden for parents to bring up children. And especially when you have one child and two child, and especially highly educated parents. Why do you take parenting as a burden and everything on your shoulder? It's very important that your parenting also expands. And when I say expands, not just your parents and grandparents, I mean your neighbors, also part of parenting, your masis, your, you know, uncles, aunties. So I think it's very important to have group parenting. Group parenting, yes. And I'm very, very clear on this that, you know, when we had joint families, the child would have actually three, four parents. Of course the biological parents are there. But what is very important is that the Chachaji and the Chachi Ji, the Masaji and the Maasi were all parents. And you know, the mother could easily leave the child to the Maasi and say, you know, she didn't even worry when there was no mobile phones. So I think it's very, very important to build a community of parenting. So we are seeing in a society, in a, you know, a township, please create a parenting group and, you know, don't get very, very, you know, attached to your child. When we were small, you know, we could just walk into the next neighbor's house and that auntie would give us food as if it's her own child. She was never differentiate. So why are you becoming so individualistic? Obviously, my child versus their child, I think let's call them our children. So if you can create an ecosystem where parenting is also a group activity, believe me, believe me, you know, it's going to be fun, less stressful to one parent and more important that the children will understand what we call as Vasudeva Kutumbakam. You cannot be calling your particular sibling as your brother and sister. Remember one thing, the whole world is one family. But at least expand from your immediate biological family to some families around you. So create those communities. Believe me, you'll be less stressed and your child will grow more Confident dealing with the other children as well.

Wow. That was so beautifully put. And the next question that I have for you is things that we must avoid as parents. What are those few things that we should consciously try to avoid as parents?

Number one it is said never limit your life to your children because they are born in a different era. A problem is that we look upon parenting from our lens. It should not be like that. Every child is born in a different era. You cannot tell them, you know, Hamare, Zamaane, me, we had poverty. That's our problem. If they are born in a rich country and a rich family, you cannot blame them. So I think one of the things parents should not do is comparison with your childhood and the child's childhood. The second important thing is remove two C's. Competition and comparison. Okay? It's very, very important because you know, you look at parenting. Oh my goodness. Sharmajika beta and Dubai Ji Ki beti. Oh my goodness. But my friend is unique. So one is comparison number one with others. The worst is comparison within the children. You know your didi does that and you don't do that. Your DD may have a different strength and you are, you know, bhaiya may have a different strength. So I think stop, stop, stop comparing. The second is in a Stop Competition. Our education system is all about competition. Competition common. Stop it. So competition, comparing can be replaced by two more Cs. Cooperation and Collaboration.

Oh wow.

So can you change your children's attitude saying that it's okay if that child is different but collaborate. That's what we do with our siblings, right? Suppose you're a good singer. The other person may be a good drummer. So we need to understand we are moving from a generation of competition to cooperation, from comparison to collaboration. And let me tell you, they'll become confident because then they are not facing the challenges of life alone in isolation. They know there are friends they can depend upon. So it's important that parents should not do this. The third and the most important thing. Remember, don't make worldly or material success the top priority for your children. I've seen so many parents doing this mistake. You know, Beta Pada Alikna. And then you know, who told you that only makes a child big. Okay? Yes. Padai Likha is very, very important. You know, I've done my PhD. My wife has done her PhD and we're all working. But remember, it's very important. Along with the material success, make sure they have character and moral values. Even if you're from a rich family, it is said, before you give them valuables, give them values. Before you give them valuables, give them values, then only they will understand what life is all about. That's what parents should do.

Wow. So beautiful. And I feel like taking notes while listening to this. I probably am going to listen to this again, and it's wonderful. And the next question that I have for you is the stress during the pandemic that the parents and the kids have gone through. You know, like, it's changed. The life changed completely overnight. And it's not stopped still. It's still on. We've got into the mode where we've sort of accepted that it's there and it's going to be there for some time. But mentally, it has been exhausting for a lot of us. So what is it that we can do to feel more relaxed and to actually act in this situation?

In fact, this is the best thing that has happened to families. I would not look at pandemic as a only negative thing. You have seen this, that if you can't go out, you can definitely go in. And if you're lucky to be part of a family where there are, you know, more than the first and the second generation, the parents and the children, if you have grandparents around with you, this is the best time that has happened. So I would suggest that, you know, I know it's a stress because the children don't go out, and it's very irritating. They're overeating. I know of all these problems. But I tell you one thing, think about it. After 20 years, when these children look back, what are the memories they're going to carry? Like, we have memories of our childhood, you know, and we said, you know, bahar khale teh. And, you know, we used to have water, which was not mineral water. We had tap water. But we look back and saying that, you know, there were challenges because I think most of us in our generation of parents were malnutrition. We never had good hygienic food to that extent of nutrition value. But we look back and say, you know, that love of that mother while she cooking the food, even in poverty, was actually tasty. So I would say that even in this pandemic, we will definitely have our own challenges. But make sure the children have beautiful memories, okay? So create memories for the future is what you should do. Two, three things I would tell you that, you know, children will be seeking a lot of attention because they can't go out, they can't interact with their, you know, classmates. They can't even talk to their teachers. Everything is on zoom and zoom is okay. You know, Internet and you know, the kind of technology uses. Okay, the child, you will have to take out some extra time. You know, parents used to feel very nice, but school chore to six hours. I don't have to do anything. But that's not the way you should look at it. Saying that maybe I'll have to spend six hours extra. Okay, that's okay. But the reality is that, you know, I will have to make sure I give that extra time. It's only a matter of time. The vaccination is around and things like that. Maybe one more academic year, it's okay. But prepare yourself. Think about it that your child is one year old. What did you do? Remember when the child was just one year old? You are totally focusing on the child because you know, the child got all the attention, right? From feeding to cleaning to make sure the child is sleeping well. And if the child is getting up, you will lose your sleep, right? So think about it, that this is second opportunity for all of you to give 100% attention to your child. I would say that, you know, don't look at your freedom, look at your commitment of parenting in the next one or two years. And I'll tell you when they look back after 20 years, these are the moments they will remember. Because while spending time indirectly, you teach them lot of other things. Values, family history. Maybe you just emotionally connect to them at a different level. A lot of mothers I know who are working, okay, and because of the pandemic, they're working from home and they get irritated and say that, oh no, the child is disturbing me. But think about the same mother who actually used to have a conflict saying that, oh, I'm in office, my child is at home. So think about it. You're in the working from home. You're also parenting from home along with the work. So give your best. It's only a matter of one year, but this will leave memories and values forever. Enjoy the spirit of parenting rather than looking at it negatively.

Wow, beautiful. Create memories, basically. That's so nice. And the next question that I have is mom guilt. And this is like one of the most common questions that I get that, you know, I'm a mother, I have to do everything. Sometimes I don't feel that I'm doing good in any aspect of my life. If I'm working, I feel I'm not giving my 100% there. If I'm with my child, I don't feel that I'm giving my hundred percent to my child. Nobody around me is happy with the way I'm executing things. And still I feel that I'm doing my best. So you know, like I'm she not sat. Like we're not satisfied as mothers. So what? How should we really think to come out of this feeling of guilt?

So let me tell you, as there is a mom guilt, there is a father's guilt also. That's right. Okay. Not many people know this. I'm also a father. I feel very bad. You know, the children are requiring me and I'm not around. And before the pandemic, you know, I should travel almost 15 to 20 days a month. So look at how much guilty I used to feel. Even though, you know, mother is the first person or the first parent whom the child interacts with a lot. But let me tell you, parenting is actually feeling guilty. So everybody goes through it. But what is the solution then? You know, it is very important to pat yourself from time to time. You know, when I used to feel guilty about, you know, you know, my parenting. So they started looking at the positive part of it. Okay, fine. I'm not able to spend three hours with my child when it is required. But at the same time I could spend at least half an hour in the morning before coming out. Right? So I will actually make a list of 10 things I could do rather than 20 things I could not do. And I will give myself a brownie point and saying that so you know, come out of this guilt is actually a mental state. I'll give one small instance. Okay. My mother recently died three months ago. Okay. And believe me, I started feeling guilty and she said okay, was I a good child? So as there is parents guilt, do you know there's a children's guilt also towards the parents. So I was feeling okay. Did I do something wrong? Did I do something incomplete? You know, and let me tell you because I have lot of this self affirmation that I do with myself. I tell you, Radha, don't look at this other way. Your mom was happy with you, right? She's so happy to bring out a proud child like you. She was part of the success that you got. So I started saying instead of looking at what you could not do for the mother, remember those moments when your mother was actually happy with you. Then only you can come out of the guilt. There will always be something that you will not be able to do. Always. Always. So even if you have the money and the time, you'll still feel there is something I Could not achieve that. Guilt will always be there. But remember, you should always count on what you could do in the limited circumstances that will what will make you count. So instead of looking at that one not there and only 99 being there, look at what makes this 101. So count your blessings, thank the child, but don't feel guilty. Come out of it by positive thinking.

Wow. So beautiful. And the last question, why should. Second last question that I have for you is how do we strike the right balance between work and our commitments towards our family?

In fact, I'll tell you something. Working parents are actually more committed to the family, okay? So a lot of people have this. Only if I'm working, I'm not committed. Tell me one thing, if you are making some money, okay, by working, where do you spend it? You spend it on your family, right? So why is it that feeling that, you know, working parents are not good parents or vice versa. Parents who are full time have this guilt, I'm not working. You know, remember, it's a choice whether you're working parent or a homemaker. Parent is a parent. Nobody can change you. I know of one of my friends, a very, very different. She was a very, very high flying corporate lady, very high flying corporate. She always felt, you know, I'm not done enough, you know, and she resigned from a job, okay? Her boss told her, no, no, no, no, you work from home, you do this, you do that. So you are not supposed to. She's very highly performing lady. She resigned the job, came back, she had two young boys. You know what the two young boys told her? Mama, do you know one thing? When we talk to our friends in our school, we tell them our mother is at a very senior management position. We are proud of you. So we are sitting at home, we can't go and tell our friends that our mother is no more working. So think about it actually speaking. If you are working, your children are proud of you. You may not realize it because at that particular time, you don't have to think thrice twice to spend that extra bucks if the child is demanding something. So it is not whether you're working or not working. Remember, the child needs you whether you are there. So if you can be in office in a board meeting and the child calls you up and saying that, you know, I'm sick, just tell the boss I need to go. My motherhood role is very important than the corporate lady out over here. So I think, don't feel guilty. But remember one thing, your children may be proud of you if you are a working mother. Look at from that dimension also.

Right? This is very beautiful. And in fact, you know, what you mentioned reminded me of something that happened with my son yesterday. So yesterday he was making this thing with blogs, this new construction blog that he's spending a lot of time with. I was like, what are you doing? It's like, I'm working very hard to make this building sound like, okay, working hard. And why are you working hard? Because papa works hard, Mommy works hard. So I also need to be hard working. And I was. I actually felt good that, you know, he's noticing the people around and he's also trying to do what everybody else. He is also trying to be involved in something. So what you said really is correct. And the last question that I have for you, and this is a question that I have for all, all the people that I go live with, is one parenting tip that you have for all the parents watching this and will be watching this after I save this life.

Thank God for making you a parent. It is the most beautiful experience that can ever happen. So whether the child is a boy or a girl or have some challenges doesn't matter. Okay. Whatever God has given to you as a child is a gift from nature. Enjoy parenting. Never compare. Never, never, never. When the child is in your lap, that is the most beautiful meditative state that even the great Rishis can't achieve. So enjoy your parenting. It's God's gift to you.

Right? This is so beautiful. I'm feeling so energetic, energized, and positive after listening to you. This was phenomenal. I loved it. And because I don't want to hold you for too long, but this is something that I really want you to talk about. So I've seen on your page that you do a lot of workshops for leadership, for corporates, for parents. So if you could just talk a little about the different workshops that you host, because some of us might be interested and might want to register for the same. That's one. And one other request that I have is definitely, I'm getting you back for a talk on leadership, and I'll be more focused on how to be a good leader. What is it that you can do differently? Because as parents, I feel that, you know, you also have to play the role of a leader somewhere and then, like you said, eventually become a mentor and let your kids be the leaders. So we'll definitely do one on this. But before we close, please share a little about the workshops and the courses that you have.

Yeah. Thank you know I've been doing a lot of workshops and everything is connected to, you know, topics related to Chanakya. So Chanakya, the art of thinking. Chanakya, the art of getting rich. How to think strategically called anvikshiki. But the one that we are currently doing very soon is a Chanakya and the art of parenting. You know, it's going to come up this week itself. You can check out our Instagram handles and you can see the details. Let us the reason why we do this particular workshop because I realized this generation is a very beautiful generation. A great opportunity of parenting. And we're doing this three day online where, you know, it's an evening program, 7:30 to 9, you can just login. And I realized one thing. This generation of parents, especially the educated parents also need to balance out. So of course using the childhood techniques and also learning from the other parents. So we are having this particular program that's coming up so anybody wants to enroll can check up the other aspect. Riddhi, you know, let's do this program as soon as you are ready. I am ready for anything related to leadership, especially for children. A couple of things. I believe that every child is a born leader. Every child is a born leader. But the parent doesn't know. That is the beauty. Because we train them to become followers. Follow this society norms, follow that career, follow this education. Why? Because our generation was trained to be a follower thanks to the British culture that was remaining. But you know, when you look at that child, look at that leader in him or her. Whichever field he or she chooses is their destiny. But you need to meet them leader. So I'm sure I'm going to be back here with you talking about how to bring out the leader in you. Chanakya believed that the mothers are the first creator of leaders. The parents have a responsibility to actually bring out the leadership qualities in the child. If you want to know the techniques, let's have another Instagram live. Looking forward for one more discussion.

Right. Thank you so much. It was amazing and I'm so grateful that you did this for my audience and for me. It was really, really nice hosting you and I learned so much in just 50 minutes and I'm definitely watching this again and making notes. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Can I wind up by telling Riddhi you've been a wonderful host. You actually did something which is so close to my heart. You have been, you know, doing a lot of work on parenting. My Namaskar and pranaams to you also.

Yes, thank you so much.