Parenting Talk With Dr. Siggie Cohen

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So today's live with somebody's very, very special. Her name is Dr. Sigi Cohen. She has more than 30 years of experience in the parenting space. She's phenomenal and she's on a mission to make your journey as a parent very easy, stress free, and make you feel more empowered as a parent. What I love is that her techniques are very easy, very simple, very doable. And, and I'd gone live with her into October 2020. That was my first international live. And I'm so happy that it was with her. I'm really excited to do this again. I'm so excited to learn from her. And I'm sure you're going to love this because her techniques are super easy, very effective and very, very insightful. And I just love it. So I'm just going to see if she's here and also send her a request. Yes, I'm going to send her a request. Just waiting for her to accept it. And also I have prepared a few questions, also some questions. Hi, how are you?

Hi, I'm good.

Excited to have you back. So excited. Yes. And we have so many questions. This time I had prepared a few. Then I also put a story and ask people to put their questions. So I have like two sheets full of questions, but we'll see how many can be answered and we'll also take a few questions from the audience. And I love, love your page. You're doing phenomenal work on Instagram. And also I went through your course and I would love you to talk about it towards the end because I'm sure a lot of people want to do it now. We have so much extra time, so I feel it's very important to educate ourselves and really, really nice. So let's start because there are so many questions. So the first one is about toddlers hitting and pinching. And this is like a very, very common thing. And a lot of people are going through it, especially during the lockdown. I think it's gone up because there's less physical activity. So what, what do you want to. How do we deal with it as parents? Is the question.

That's a very good question and a very common one. So lots of parents with toddlers deal with all these physical behaviors that toddlers have, the hitting, the pinching, the pushing. Right. Sometimes they pull on hair, they try to bite. Yeah. All of that is developmentally appropriate for them as they are journeying through infancy to an age where they can express themselves and be more communicative. All that physical behavior they have is an instant way to get attention, to get a reaction, and also to express what they cannot express in any other way. But the way in which we want to deal with it has to be very clear. Because most of the time parents say, generosa, no, don't hit me. No, that's not nice. Why are you doing that? Of course, your toddler cannot respond to that, cannot explain, and also cannot follow that. No. Heeding is not a full instruction. They have. They need something that's much more doable. Kind of like you mentioned in your introduction. You say to tools have to be applicable. Right. So the same with our children. So be specific, number one. Be firm, be calm, be specific. Uh, no hitting me. Okay. First and foremost, or whatever it is, no pinching me. No pinching me. Uh, but you can pinch. See, what can you pinch the pillow? Can you pinch the bread? Can you pinch sand? Yeah. There are many things we can actually pinch. What can you hit? Cannot hit me or another friend. No. But you can hit the floor. Yes. So any inappropriate physical behavior, make sure you are specific. What is no, and then what is yes? So give alternatives to as many yeses as possible. Think that sometimes we do need to hit the ball with the baseball bat. We. I mean, right? Like, and sometimes we say, go ahead. I mean, you know, maybe later on your arm. Punching bag. So it's not no hitting. It's true. We do not hit people. That's it. Right. But another thing about it, if you think your toddler is doing that because they're being angry or frustrated, so now there's an emotion behind it. Say, looks like you're angry. No hitting me when you're angry. No. And you can hold there, you know, but you can be angry. So now you are validating the emotion, accommodating the emotion and giving it an outlet. You can be angry. You can say, I'm angry. Of course, they may not be saying that exactly, but you're letting them know one day they will use words. You can stamp your feet. You can show me with your face you are angry. You can hit the floor if you're angry. Yeah. That's okay. Right? Right.

So that's beautiful. So first, I'll just quickly summarize it. So validate the emotion and be specific about what they don't, what they cannot hit and what they can actually hit. So amazing. And the second one is about siblings fighting and, you know, managing more than one. I think somebody just put that also, while I was asking you, Lakshmi, that how do we manage your siblings fighting and I actually went through your toolkit, and I think you mentioned it very beautifully there. Very, very nice. But yes, for the audience, I would like you to answer this.

Yes. And so it is true that when your children fight with each other, it's very frustrating. It's overwhelming. Some parents say, right. And you find yourself not knowing what to do. You get angry, and you want them to stop. You also think that you know which one is right, which one is wrong, which one is the bully, and which one is the victim. And I want you to stop all of that. None of it is true. Your children fighting with each other is not all bad. Some of it is their interaction, their relationship, their way of understanding themselves and each other, understanding their place in the family, looking at you and seeing what it is that you do. So not all of it is bad. Do not think that your children fighting with each other is a sign of bad behavior. It's a sign of human interaction, period. So walk into your children's fighting with the mindset of, oh, you guys are fighting. Fighting is not bad. We just need to know how to fight, and we need to do a better job fighting, maybe with some dignity and respect. Your children are physical with one another. Stop them immediately. Don't get too frustrated and alarmed. Why? Why are you doing it? Don't do it like, stay calm. This is what they need from you. Your presence, your mediation. You are the wise person, the mentor to be there to help them, not to judge any of them. So physically, you can stop and go, whoa, not okay to hit each other. Now, instead of saying, what happened? What did you do? None of that. So it looks like you guys are fighting. It's okay to fight. Now. Do you want to tell me what's going on? Do you want. He took. He did this, right? And of course, you know, one is crying, one is screaming. And you can say, I'm going to hear both of you. You want to hear their side of the story. Not because you're going to judge who's right and who's wrong, because you want them to venture. That's it. Once they vent. He did this. He took. You say, why don't you tell him? Say, I didn't like that. Say, don't do that. So you teach them to talk to each other, to negotiate, to stand up for themselves, to stand up to someone else. These are all important skills. This is why don't punish your children. Don't send them away. At the end of that, say, okay, thank you for telling me. I think you heard. You heard. Notice that when you are there to present yourself as a mediator, it calms everything down. Suddenly they're not so, like, stressed and anxious and angry even. That's what you want. You want everybody to be calm because, you know, when we're calm, we don't actually fight that much. Now, at the very end of it, you can say, do you guys want to still play together? Or if they're older, you can say, would you like to take a break? It's up to you. Give them the chance to solve their own problem and to figure out what they need to do right then and there, even if they complain. He doesn't want to play with me. He took it. Listen to their complaints, don't judge their complaints, and don't think that you have the answer or the solution, which is the biggest mistake parents make. Just be there. Be there and tell yourself, my kids are fighting. It's okay. It's not the end of the world. I know it's upsetting, but it's fine. We're all going to be okay. Literally, what you're doing while you're there for them is helping yourself.

That's beautifully answered. So act as a mediator. Guide them, don't judge them, and don't solve it for them. Just help them find the solution by talking. That's beautifully answered. And the third one is not about children. It's about parents. How do we control anger? And there's another question, but it's similar to this. And the parent says that my child always ends up doing what I want him to do, but it's always the fifth time. So when I'm asking properly, he not do it. But when I'm really loud, that's when he does it. And that's usually the fourth or the fifth time. And I'm very angry till the fifth time. So how do I control? I'm trying very hard to stay calm.

But it's not working right. So one, when you are angry, always ask yourself, why am I angry right now? Because there is an answer. The answer is simple. Much like with kid. He's not. My child is not doing what I want or things are not working my way. That's the answer to why we're angry or frustrated. We want something to work our way, and it's not. That's really hard for us. Okay? Sometimes things don't work our way. So we can say, oh, right now I really need my child to do this. Oh, yeah, things are not working my way. Okay, what do I need to do? Fight. Because life is not happening the way I want or think I need to think. The thinking part is how you actually calm yourself down, because emotions are what gets us all out of sort. Thinking helps us calm ourselves down. So that's the number one thing you do. First you ask yourself, then you have a response. Now, I know that parents think that it's the yelling that makes their children do what they need to do. It's not the yelling. Your child knows that you're gonna say, 1, 2, 3. He knows he's buying some time. He's, like, sitting there watching tv. Okay, fine, she's gonna say it again. She'll say it again. Then she'll yell, okay, then I'll do it. It's like they're literally buying time. So you can tell your child, looks like that only when I yell. Don't blame them. Why? Only when I'm yelling. But say looks like when I'm yelling, that's when I get your attention. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. I don't want to yell, and I don't think that that's the right way. So know that your child needs to be doing something. Don't yell from across the room. Don't say in five minutes or turn the TV off or go take a shower, walk there and say, in one minute, I'm going to tell you to turn the TV off and touch them. And now they're like that. But you, you know, touch them and whisper in their ear, even it's sensory. And say, I'm going to ask you to turn the TV off or whatever the tablet and go take a shower. And I know it's going to be hard for you. I know some right here to help you. All right, let's wait one minute. Oh, look at you. You're watching. No, mom. Almost this. That I know. Now what you want to do is provide emotional support. I know it's hard for you to turn the TV off, not to listen to me. It's not the listening that is hard for them. It's doing the task that we ask them to do because they just don't want to. So that's what you want. I know it's hard for you to turn the tablet off. I know, but it's okay. You can do it. You can do it. Okay, come on, let's turn it off. And now you turn it off. And now there are maybe. Yeah. Remember I said it's gonna be hard? Because I was like, no, Mom. Yeah, it's hard, but you can do it. It's okay. Come on, let's go take a shower. Let's go have dinner. That's how you want to do it. I know, but that's better. Yes. Yes.

And so many people are sending such nice comments for you. Spot on. Love it. Loving this. And actually, I have a question which is similar to a question that somebody just asked that my daughter. This question is from. Can't pronounce her name right. But this question is that my mother. My daughter yells and commands, and she talks rudely and never asks. Ask for anything politely. And I have a similar question here where the parent says that my daughter, she's always talking very rudely, and if I try to explain something, she's not understanding, and she's being very mean, not just to me, but to everybody in the house.

Yeah. So some children definitely are much more feisty, and they need to control others of the situation by really, they need a sense of power. So 1. You know, I know that when your daughter is rude to you, mom, it makes you want to say to her, don't be rude to me. That's disrespectful. Don't talk to me this way. This is a lot of blame and guilt, and it's also not really making a change. It's only making your daughter feel more angry at you. So then she's rude. It's like a vicious cycle. She's then, oh, I didn't like that my mom talked to me. Oh, I'm gonna do it again. Because she's looking for power. What you want is not to overpower your daughter, but to connect to her. And so what do you say is like, wow, I heard that was rude. Yeah. Now say it again in a different voice. You can say the same word, mom, I don't want to. Okay, calm yourself down. You can say the same, mom, I don't want to, or I'm angry right now. All you want to do is make your child aware of how they're talking to you and let them know that they don't have to be aggressive to communicate, to get your attention. They can communicate, and you're there to hear. So go ahead, say. You don't have to label what they're doing as rude and disrespectful. You can say, yeah, that was not a good way. We call it rude. We call it disrespectful. But most important, I want you to tell me what it is that you want to say just differently. Because what we want to teach them is that it's okay to say almost anything but there is a right way and not a good way, and that's really what it is. I'm not stopping her from communicating even tough things. I'm only helping her say it in a way that I will really hear and listen. So I'm letting her know. You can say that, just not with that tone. So calm yourself down now. Say it again. Say it again. It's almost like redo, redo. Guide your child right then in the moment. Don't label them, don't put them down. They need sometimes to feel very strong and powerful. You can even say that looks like you need to be powerful. Yeah, I can understand that this is not the way to be powerful, but we can think of other ways. Yeah. What kind of power? You have responsibilities, power, being in charge, doing things on my own. Independence is power. So channel it elsewhere. Right.

That's, again, beautiful. So don't become very aggressive with your child and don't start to correct them and label them.

Them. That's beautiful.

And so this one is the opposite, actually. My child is very quiet and she's not expressive. She does everything that I tell her, but she is not expressive or demanding at all like the other kids usually are. And she's six years old and she's doing everything and, you know, but she's only doing things that she's been asked to do.

Do.

She's not volunteering or asking for things and is not very expressive about how she's feeling. So her mother is worried.

Yes. Yeah, of course. So some kids are feisty and very vocal and expressive and strong. And some kids are much more inhibited, intimidated, introverted. Right. And they maybe even sometimes passive that, you know, they're scared to initiate, they're scared to do or to express themselves. And so they just kind of follow the adults around them. It's possible that your daughter is shy, which is fine. It's possible that your daughter tends to be a little more quiet. I know that it makes you worried. Find ways to show her when and how she can express herself. Know that she's shy, so you can't really change that. You can only help her know what to do with that kind of shyness. So you can say something like, I noticed that it's hard for you to think what you want to do. Right. Because maybe she's asking, what do you want to do? And her daughter says, I don't know. I don't know. So here's a trick in a way where when your child says a lot of I don't know, because you're asking them questions. It hits them. Shy children really can't think quickly. So you want to say something like, I'm going to ask you. It's like, give her a prompt. I'm going to ask you a question. And I know that you want to say, I don't know. And I'm going to say, don't say, I don't know. Say, I'm going to think about it. I don't know yet, but I will think about it or I don't know now. So make it much more temporary. I don't know is very definite. Make it more right here, right now. Passive children need that kind of help and sort of like encouragement to feel confident. So say, I bet you do know, but you just need to think about it. It's okay. Take a moment. She can even teach her to say, mom, I'm not sure. I need a moment to think about it, because shyness brings up anxiety. So you're asking me a question and I'm getting all stressed out. I can't think when I'm stressed. So give me sort of like a process to think time. And that's when I. I can maybe come up with an answer.

That's very nice. And then I have this question that I have twins. And again, you know, I think she's put this question again. You're like twins, and they are both very different. And there are people who are comparing them, and it's sort of leading to some sort of inferiority or comparison issue between the two kids. So how can she manage this as a parent?

Yes. So one. And I agree that a lot of times people have this reaction about twins and they think, you know, duplicate, like they're one of. They're one of the same. So help yourself by reminding yourself your children are just siblings and happen to be born at the same time. I mean, strangers compare kids all the time to one another. Even if they're three years apart, they still, oh, your brother, is this. Your sister, is that. You have those eyes. I mean, right? So of course they compare. So say, you know what? Yeah, they're twins. They really are. Just siblings happen to be born at the same time. That's really what it is. So siblings. Now, when I say, okay, I have two children, they can be different. They're not the same person. So tell your children. Also, you know that twins are really just brothers or sisters or brother or sister. Then instead of being born two years apart, they were born exactly at the same time. But other than that, they're just like all other brothers and sisters, they can be the same in some ways, different in other ways. Much like all other families, don't single twins out. Right. As if. Yeah. So don't single them out. Like it's this thing that everybody focuses on as if that's the biggest issue. It's not. Yeah.

And then, of course, there's one on screen time. This is the most popular. How do we reduce screen time for kids?

Yeah, Very, very difficult. Of course, during pandemic, that was the hardest thing. Right. I think that, number one, you have to not have that much anxiety yourself about how much screen time your kids are having. So always remember that some of it is school, some of it is downtime, some of it is playing with their friends. Right. It is socialization. Some of it is even family time because you all maybe are watching a movie together or playing a game and so on. So think like that. So don't have so much stress. Like, oh, my. My kids are constantly on the screen. They're on the screen a lot, but for many different reasons. Then think to yourself what else my kids are doing. And now start realizing, we dinner together yesterday, we went for a walk. Tomorrow we're going to visit grandma. We baked cookies, we played with each other on the rug, we built this thing or we worked in the garden. Think that your children are still doing other things. So number one is the stress about screen time. And when they are on their screen, it's kind of like, okay, you're going to have one hour of screen, half an hour of screen. Make sure that you are not constantly watching. Okay. Remember, it's only one hour because now you're giving it to them, but constantly on guard. So you're stressed and they're stressed. When you say you're gonna be on the screen for one hour, enjoy it. Yeah, it will be over at six or at four, but when you are on it, just enjoy. Don't think about anything, play, enjoy, watch, whatever. And then, yeah, when it's time to turn it off, it may be difficult, but you can do it. You can do it. If you have way, way less stress about it, I can tell you your kids are going to have way less stress about it as well. Right, Right.

That is true. And I think this works with my son because I have this 35 to 40 minutes screen time that I give him, and now he gives me the remote after 40 minutes. Like he doesn't want more after 40 minutes. So I think it works with them. You know, when there's nobody monitoring them or Pulling the remote. They want to give it back themselves. I feel sometimes. Yeah, I think that's right. And this one I've already covered. Yes. And this one is about a child, and she only wants branded products and expensive toys and expensive clothes because all her friends are wearing those clothes and buying those toys. So now the parent doesn't want to give those toys. So what can she do? And how can she explain her that she. It's not right to spend so much on toys.

You know, it's hard because your child is wanting to fit in, Right. But it's okay that you don't want them to have it. It's perfectly fine. So one is, when your child says everybody has it, it's not necessarily true. So you need to know that, yes, some kids in her environment have it, but it doesn't mean everybody. Children use that. Everybody, because that's how they want to convince you and make you feel bad. So you want to say, I bet some of your friends do have it, but not everybody. So, yes, and some of them have it. Be honest. And you know what? There's nothing we can do. Some parents choose to do that, and that is okay for them. It's not okay for us. So now you set the perspective, the proportion and the boundaries. Next, you have to support your child when they're feeling like they don't fit in. So how hard is it for you that your friends, some of them not all have that and you don't? It's hard. I don't like it. I bet you don't. Is it hard all day long? Is this the only thing you think about? No. Sometimes I think about it. Okay. It's okay to sometimes think about it. Sometimes have a hard time. It's okay. I know that it makes you feel like that is what you need to be friends with them. Can you be friends with them even if you don't have it? She may say, I don't know. And you can say, you can try. I don't know either. Maybe you can be friends with someone that has Prada and you don't. Maybe you two have something else in common. Maybe you two like to talk about, I don't know, candy or movies or Barbies. So what you're doing is actually not trying to convince your child you don't need it. That's not good. Don't go there. Don't do that. Be supportive of what they want. Even when you set boundaries. It's much like with screen. I know how much you love the tablet, and I know Then it's time to turn it off. It's hard. I know it's hard, but it's okay. You can do it.

Right? So again, nice. And then the next question that we have is, how do I teach my child without stressing myself out? And also, my child, like, you know, she's trying to stay calm, but she finds it very difficult to actually, she.

Wants to eat her child. She wants to teach her child what, like reading, writing, she was mentioned in.

General, teach my child. So, yeah, she's not specified what exactly she wants.

Right. So the only thing I can say is that think. What is it that you're trying to teach your child? And is it about you or about your child? Is your child interested in what you're trying to teach? Children learn all kinds of things from you. They don't just learn to read and write and math. Maybe that's what he doesn't want to learn from her. Maybe he can learn from her other stuff. Right? And so she can think, what is my child wanting to learn from me? And then think that her child can learn many different things in many different ways. Maybe he cannot because of age, because it's his mom. I'm not really sure. He can't just sit there and take instructions from her in that formal kind of way. He can do it with a teacher, can do it even with a friend. But the parent child, sometimes, yeah, they kind of resist this formal learning. So know that your child is learning so many other things from you. It doesn't have to be this one way. If you are building with Legos, if you are working in the garden, if you are cooking in the kitchen, they can learn so many things. And it's not learning, you know, cooking in the kitchen is not just learning to make a meal. It's learning about science, it's learning about portions, it's learning about measures, I mean, measurements. There's so much that goes into that. It's talking about where do things come from? So nature and agriculture, right? Yeah, there's a lot of learning that goes into everything, right?

So basically, use your space and move around if your child is not sitting and learning. And the next question that we have here, and this actually two, three people have asked me because of COVID I think, how. How do we tell a child when they lose a loved one or a family member? How do we explain them that what's happened?

So depending on age, of course. But you want to know that your children, when it comes to loss, they look around and they watch what everyone else Is doing and feeling. So be honest, don't be over dramatic, but don't say things like, oh, don't worry about it. Oh, nothing happened. Because they see people are sad, they hear the whispers. Maybe they kind of get that something happened. So you can be authentic, sit them down and talk to them with the relevant emotions. You don't have to be over dramatic and oh my. But you want to be honest and you want to say something sad did happen and it's very hard. And you can even cry and you can hold their hand. It's okay to create the scene because these emotions are real and your child needs to see that you have the same emotions so they're not all alone in that. Because loss is too big to carry on your own and confusing. So you don't have to give too many too much information. Mostly talk about what it means to not be able to see or hear or touch the person that you love and say that is very hard. We won't be able to see them anymore. Yeah. Oh, it really hurts in our heart. And maybe that's where we keep that person in our heart in our mind. We can't see them. We won't be able to hug them. Will we be able to talk about them? Yes. Are we going to be able to look at pictures? Yes. So these are the ways in which we keep that person with us. Not in the same way as before, but in a different kind of way.

That's beautifully answered. And the other question that I have is from a single parent. She's a mother and her child on the screen, he must have seen that father. And now she's. Till now she's not told him about the concept of having a father. And now her child is asking her, like, where is my father? And she doesn't know how to explain.

Yeah. So I understand that that is difficult, but I think that if you we ask the mom, she knew this day was going to come right in her heart. She always worried what's gonna happen one day when my child asks me, okay, this day is here. So I don't want to tell her what to say because what is important is to know what she's comfortable. But she's going to have to figure out what she's comfortable with and give her son some pieces of information. She can say, you know, yes, you have a father, but you don't have a parent that is here to take care of you. What you have here is a mom and me as the parent that takes care of you every day, depending on the child's age, she can add some more information. But most important, and again, it's not what we tell our children. It's how we make them feel when we talk to them. So be sure to know that your child is going to grieve. Even though he never knew his father. There still something missing. So talk about that. I know it must be sometimes hard for you. Like, do you feel different than the other kids? Be, you know, validate and acknowledge that and be serious about it. Again, you don't have to be dramatic. You don't have to, you know, exaggerate, but be authentic. And this is a serious subject. So children feel different. But he's not the only one that's going to feel different. Kids feel different for all sorts of reasons. He's only going to think that he's different because he doesn't have a father. So she can have conversations about how we all sometimes feel different. And then how are you the same as all the other kids? You're right, you are different because maybe all your friends do have a father and you don't. But are there ways that you are the same as the other kids? So give the child some balance. I think she wants to ask herself and maybe consult with someone what she's comfortable with. But mostly I can say probably there's no way to avoid it. And I'm sorry, her child has the right to know because in a way, it's her story, but it's also his story too. Right?

So, okay, so now we take some questions from the audience, and then I have a few more.

Just so many questions.

So this is, how do we manage an older one when we have a newborn? The insecurity. And how do I manage my time between both my children?

This is from. Yes, yes. It's definitely not easy. You have one child and you have another, you're busy. It's intense. You want to know that your older child doesn't need as much as you think they do. They try to grab your attention if they feel like you don't have any attention for them. But they don't need that much attention. They are older, they have more interest, they're more independent. Maybe now they go to preschool, they go to school, they have their friends, so they don't need you all the time, but they do need some of it. So make time to be with your child. Make time to be with both of them. You can multitask. I know you can hold your infant and then you can also play cards or read a story to your Other child. You can do both things. So think about quality moments like that. Don't think quantity. And when your child is having a hard time, like you notice that they are being more needy, they're more cranky, stop and say, are you having a hard time? Do you need my attention? You can say, mom, I need your attention. And then you can also tell me what kind of attention you need. Do you need a hug? Do you want us to talk? Do you want us to go do something together?

Let's jigs when he's angry.

Oh yeah. So he still acts out in physical way because he feels or thinks that he doesn't know what to say or people don't pay attention. So it's not okay for him to do that. But most important is notice how many times you told him it's not okay. You said, why are you doing that? That's not okay. Don't you see that you can hurt someone? Your five year old, no matter how smart he is, he's still just five and he's still very egocentric. So get in touch, connect with them and say, whoa, can't hit your friend, but I think you are angry or frustrated. No, he did this. I get it, I get it. You cannot hit him. Be very clear about boundaries. But then try to get to your child and what it is that they really are trying to say. I know you're frustrated, I can tell. It's okay. It's okay that you're angry at your friend or at me or anyone. Tell me, use your words. I don't like it. This and that. And now I can say, I know, I understand. We're not gonna hit when we're angry or throw something. And here's something else that you want to see, going to help you not do it. So next time I see that you're about to throw, I'm going to right away say, don't throw this. Come here, come here, come closer to me. And yeah, they may be, you know, and you want to be close to them to stop them. So boundaries have to be very clear. But always try to connect to your child and his emotions. Tell me how you feeling. It's okay to be angry. Don't ask them, why are you angry, what's going on? Say, I know you're angry and now try and explain to me why. And hear them, Listen to what it is that they're saying and don't try to judge. Yeah, but that's not okay. And this and say I. Yeah, I understand. I know, I get that sometimes you're very angry. It's okay. We're going to learn to use our words more and more, but it's okay to be angry. Right?

So basically connect and keep still. Set the boundaries and stop them from hitting. And then we have this question. My 5 year old sleeps with my hair in his hand and he keeps checking for it whole night. Why is that? And how do I stop him?

So her 5 year old is still very sensory, but is the problem the hair or the problem the sleeping together? So does she want him to not sleep with her or does she want him to not? You know, because as long as he's.

I think the hair is a problem. I think, yeah, because she's just spoken about keeping the hair in his hand.

So she doesn't mind sleeping with him, she just doesn't want him. Well, I think that it's going to be very hard to break him from that habit. She can say, you know what, it's really great that we sleep together. I love that we're close to each other. We are going to work on you now. Not pulling my hair or touching my hair. We can still be together. If she doesn't want to change that, that's fine. Or maybe she can't, that's okay. But we're going to work on you not touching my hair, just sleeping together. So it's almost like you start making one little change. But you also emphasize on what doesn't change. We're only going to make this one little change. You won't touch, you won't pull on my hair. Maybe you will hold something else. But we're still going to sleep together. That's not going to change. Because when we talk about I don't want you to pull my hair or touch my hair, we don't balance it with what doesn't change, with what stays the same. Everything that stays the same same makes us feel confident and comfortable. So she can make this one change. But be sure to emphasize on what doesn't change. We're still together, we can still touch. It feels good. We wake up in the morning and you. We're right there. So emphasize a lot on that. But yeah, not the hair. So let's think together. What can you hold in your hand? Not my hair, but something else. And now maybe she needs to find something else that feels almost the same. Some kind of sensory toy, a squeeze, anything that helps him satisfy that sensory need that he still has. Nice.

And so many questions, but we'll just take a few more. We have this question, how to Help your child. How to help my child? He's scared of the dark and refuses to go to the washroom himself. And also requesting everyone to put the age, because that makes a lot of difference. So whenever you're putting a question, please also put the age.

Yeah, yeah. So a lot of times, you know, children will say, I'm scared. It's true. They are sometimes.

Yeah. Now I can hear you. I lost you in between.

Okay, okay. So a lot of times parents are like, what's the matter? Why don't you want to go to sleep? And kids say, I'm scared. Whether or not they're scared, they use that now, oh, don't be scared. There's nothing to be scared of. I'm here. So now we try to give them all these affirmations that don't actually help. This is what needs to happen. Validate your child's fear. And then you want to help them overcome the fear. Don't tell them, don't be scared. Say, I know you're scared. What do you want to do about it? I don't know. I'm scared. There's this, there's that. They're like, how can you help yourself? Talk to your child throughout the day, Talk to them in the evening. I know that when we turn the lights off, you can't see me. You're not sure if I'm here. You know, I'm actually here. I don't have to tell you, you know that. But I know that fear is like, sometimes we think scary thoughts. I know that. Okay. Can you think other thoughts? Yeah. Can you help yourself not be scared? Maybe. How? They have imagination. Tap into that. Help your child come up with ways, you know, if your mind can come up with scary thoughts, your mind can also come up with ways to, you know, you be a superhero, you be a dragon, you be a lion tamer. If your thoughts are and you say, stay there in the corner, corner, you can empower yourself. So it's not don't be scared. It's, yes, I understand you are scared. How do you want to help yourself? Because from the very beginning, we can show them that coping skills, problem solving skills are internal. They're not always out here. They're not completely dependent on us. They can figure things out.

Okay, so I'll quickly take one last question and then we'll. I have a few things that I need to ask. So my older child, when she gets mad, she just slams the door and leaves the room. Should I follow her or should I follow her and then talk to her later. No, sorry. Should I just let him go and then talk later or should I sort of follow and be with her? Be with him.

Right. So I would suggest, if this is happening more often, to actually talk to her before the next time and say something like, you know that when you get angry at me, you storm out of the room and you slam a door. Yeah, we're not gonna do that. Cannot slam a door. You can be angry again. You validate the emotion and set boundaries, but now you have to give them an outlet. It's okay for you to be angry. Here's what you can say. Next time you're angry and you want to storm out and slam a door, you don't do that. But you can say, mom, I'm so angry at you, I want to slam a door. I'm not going to do it. But that's what it feels like. So you see, we can communicate that. Right? I'm so angry, I want to slam the door. Hey, I'm not going to do it because that's inappropriate. But it is appropriate for me to say that to express my anger in such an image. So her daughter is actually going to like that. And then you want to say to her, and I'm going to help you. So next time I see you angry, I'm going to say, you're getting angry. Remember, you're going to want to storm out and slam the door. But you can stay right here and say, mom, I am so angry, I want to slam the door. I'm not going to do it. Maybe I'll just walk to my room. If you need a moment, it's okay, because slamming a door is a passive aggressive behavior. Stop your child from having that, but help them communicate their anger directly. Stay there and own their anger. But you have to be able to accept that anger and then give them sort of like opportunities what to do. So it's okay for you to be angry. It's okay for you to say, mom, I need a moment, I want to.

Go to my room.

Not okay to slam the door. When you're angry, it's okay to do other things. Right? Right.

Beautiful. And this is the last question that we'll take. And this actually I also have on my paper. It's about special kids with special needs. Just once again, I lost the question. Okay, I lost the question, but I remember. So basically the question was that she has two kids and the younger one has special needs and the other one is in her teens and she's very demanding. So she's finding it very difficult to strike a balance between both her kids and how can she handle this situation. And then we have this other question, which is about autism. If there are certain things that you can share that you can actually do with kids who have autism, how can parents actually deal with them better?

Yes. So I want to say this. Having a child with extra needs, special needs, whether it's autism or anything else, definitely is very difficult. And I want you to know you cannot do this alone. So you have to get as much support and help as possible. Professional services think that when it's so difficult with just regular kids, it's extra difficult when you have a special needs child. So think outside of your box and don't think that you're supposed to do this alone. Your children do need more help, more support. Your special needs child needs more people involved with their life so they can be helped in any positive way to grow and mature and function. And your regular child need also some time without their special needs sibling and some time with you. So the best, you can't change the situation. My best advice, my best recommendation, think of more support systems that can help you. I know it's hard, but even if it's just one little extra thing, one other person that can help you, whether professionally, whether just some, to give you some time, you know, with this one child or with the other, that's what you want, right? Right.

Okay. So I think we'll not take more questions. There are many more questions, but it's impossible. It's almost one hour. But I just want you to ask something about your product, if you could share like, because I want everybody to know about it. And since we have so much time, they can actually go through it and learn from you. And it's amazing. So if you can just tell us a little about the product.

White so one there is my website, DrSigi.com is out with a course for parents of toddlers. So you can go and purchase that course. It has exactly a lot of the things that we just talked about. The physical behaviors of toddlers, the emotional needs of toddlers. It explains about their autonomy, they're hitting and pinching. It talks about sleep, it talks about potty training and so on and so forth. There's a lot of great information. You can purchase the whole course, plus a lot of videos of me explaining just parenting tactics in general. And you can also, you will be able to purchase just one of the topics within a course. So you don't have to purchase everything if, let's say you you only wanting to know about tantrums, you'll be able to just buy that and just get the lesson about tantrums, which shows me explaining what it is, what to do, gives examples, walks you through it and so on, or sleep or eating issues and so on. So all of that, you can contact me through the website, you can contact me through Instagram, you can go to Instagram and find a lot of wonderful tips. Right. And me explaining things on a regular basis. So definitely you can receive that kind of support. I'd love to hear from you. Of course. I'd love to get, you know, if you need you get in touch with me and I can respond in many different ways. I think somebody asked if they can get a session with me. Yes, you can. Can so contact me and. And I'm more than happy to be there and help and. And contact you. Right.

Thank you so much. This was wonderful. And it's one hour, but before I let you go, there's one last question that I have for you. One tip for all the parents who are watching this and who are going to be watching this after I save this. So just one tip. And this is always my closing question.

Yes. So the one tip, I think, again, don't think you can do it all alone. Find help, support, communicate with each other. Make sure that parenting is not constantly stressful to you because you're trying to be perfect and do it all yourself. Don't do that and find ways to help yourself. Come calm your own expectations. Align expectations with who your children are. Right. So don't expect them to be or do what is not really right for them. Watch who your children are, look at them and go, what is right for my child? It's not all about me. I know that even as parents, we compete with each other. We want our kids to shine, to be the best. Okay. What we really want is to be the best support system for our child. So that's what you want to do. Help yourself, be that. I'm here for my child. This is not about me. Have to manage my own emotions and I can do that. And then I can be there for my child. So much better.

That is so beautiful. Thank you so much for your time. Absolutely loved it. Learned so much from you and from the previous live. I've taken so much notes. I'm also planning to write a blog on it and I'll definitely let you know once that's ready. And everybody watching this, I'm sure you've learned so much. Please follow Dr. Siggy on Instagram. I'm going to tag her, visit her website. There are so many courses. This is a great opportunity to learn. And parenting becomes a lot easier. Easier if you have the right information and if you are doing the right things. So definitely, like you mentioned, support is very important and I feel good information really makes a lot of difference. So if you know what to do, then you are very well equipped and you make it very easy for yourself. So thank you so much for your time. Absolutely loved it and thank you. And hopefully I'll get you back and Just loved it. Thank you so much.

Thank you. R. Thank you so much. I so appreciate it. And thank you everybody.

Thank you so much.