Reconnected with her teen daughter with ease and grace| Supermom Spotlight Dr Saveta | Riddhi Deorah

Everybody, if you can see me and hear me clear, please put yes in the chat box. Amazing. Yes, so today we have again a very beautiful spotlight by Dr. Shweta, and her story is very inspiring. Let me find her. Doctor. Yes, also let me spotlight myself. Yes, hi. Hello. Okay, before she starts, I just want to say a few words. First of all, she's not in India. But she's very, very, uh, you know, her attendance is really amazing. So all the Indian moms who think that I'm not able to manage time, you have to get inspired. You have to share a little about this for sure, how you manage it all. Also, she is a full-time working mother. So those of you are thinking that I'm always working, I don't have the time to learn, again, this is something that we have to learn today. And of course, how you were able to reconnect with your teenager is something that we are really looking forward to. So thank you so much for doing this and for finding the time.

Thanks to you.

Spotlight that we had, they are all very busy, but they found the time and they're doing this because they have seen the shift and now they want you to see the shift. So over to you, Dr. Shweta. I'm going to remove myself from Spotlight. The stage is all yours. And waiting to hear you create your magic. Amazing.

Thank you so much. First of all, my lovely and beautiful Miss Deorah, happy birthday to you. I was so excited to hear that, you know, my spotlight is going to be on the day. So I'm like, great, I'll get a personal touch to say happy birthday, not only from myself but from our entire community. And we have to celebrate it whenever you are ready. We have to do it for you. Yes, yes. So thank you so much for giving me this wonderful opportunity for sharing my journey with, uh, with all the mothers. And you know, we all look up to you, and I guess you have done a fantastic, fantastic job in creating this community. And I don't have anything to give you but a lot of gratitude right from the bottom of my heart. And I thank God for putting you in my life when I was struggling. And in spite of me having everything that a woman can wish for, I was not happy in my life. I was very sad, very lonely from inside, and I didn't know what was going on. So it begins like this, that, you know, when early in my life I have always been a very positive person and I always trusted God, and I used to love kids, but when I had my own kids, I kind of lost track. I didn't know how and what to do with my own kids, but, you know, it was all fully pulling along and everything was happening. And then suddenly my daughter, she is a teenager. Suddenly, my God, I have no clue what happened and how did that, you know, entire thing work. And she is a different girl and I can't recognize her anymore. And I was thinking, I was just having a conversation, you know, with one of the mothers and my own husband. That at one stage I started feeling that, is this my own child living in my house, or is this a, you know, like a guest who lives in my house, does their own thing, all they need is food and that's all? And, you know, and I was like thinking to myself, what is this? What is going on? And I keep on talking to my husband about it, that, you know, this is not right. We are so busy in our lives. We have great dental practices in Sydney. We are so successful business-wise. We are so happy in our married life. But what is going on wrong with our parenting? What are we doing with our kids? Why aren't we able to hear from them? Or why aren't we able to help them? Why can't we guide them? Why is there a big wall? Between her and between myself and my husband. And my daughter, she locked herself in a room. She would only come out when she needs something. Anytime I go and I want to meet her and I'm knocking on her door, all I'm getting from her is, "Go away, Mom. Go away. I hate you." This was all new for me, and I'm thinking, This is not right, and I don't know how to help myself, how to help my child. And, you know, I'm thinking one day, I'm sitting and I'm so sad because I'm thinking that, you know, you are a doctor, what are you doing? You have such nice work, everything is good, why can't you help your child? Why is she so distant? So I was speaking to my sister-in-law, and she is now a part of the community as well. You probably don't know, she's a silent player. And she told me, "Why are you struggling? Why don't you go and seek some help? Don't just sit and struggle." So she suggested that we should go for some kind of counseling, some therapy sessions. Where we can learn what is happening, what we are going to do for it. So me and my husband, we started seeing a counselor, and then somehow, I don't know how, I convinced my daughter that this is not working in a right direction. We should go and seek help from a therapist, and she agreed. She said, "Yes, Mom, we should go and see a therapist." So she was going to a separate therapist, you know, where she must be discussing whatever she's feeling, and we were seeing a separate counselor, and we were all trying to figure out what to do. But, you know, moving fast forward, we had so many sessions but very little change we could see. And I just, you know, started feeling so depressed that it was about to, you know, affect my work. I'm thinking to myself, why am I working? What is the point of me, you know, being a dentist when I can't even take care of my kids? What, what am I doing wrong? So in this, you know, search of looking for answers, asking God, God, where am I going wrong? Please tell me, please help me, do something. And this was going on maybe for 6 months or more than a year when I saw my lovely, lovely Miss Deorah on Instagram one day, and she is, you know, speaking and she is saying things which are, you know, directly hitting my heart. And I am thinking, well, this is what exactly I'm experiencing. She's saying, "Are you frustrated?" And I'm going like this, "Yes, I am frustrated." Then she's saying, "Is your child always on screen?" And I'm like, "Yes, that sounds like my kids." And then she's saying, "Are you always angry on your child?" And I'm like, "Yes." So I'm like, yes, yes, yes. And then she says, you know, join this masterclass, come for the masterclass. And I went for the masterclass. And, you know, I think the masterclass must have gone for like an hour and a half or 2 hours. But every single statement she said was a ray of hope for me. All of a sudden my eyes lit up and I'm like, you know, I can feel, I can feel it in my, you know, skin. I can feel it in my body. I'm like, something good is about to happen. And I did not, you know, think what Masterclass I was attending. It was a Gold Masterclass. So I joined as a Gold member and then I joined in the Gold membership. But what I did not sign up was for a beautiful community of mothers. I thought that, you know, this is going to be, you know, some kind of coaching, some kind of learning that I will get. But I did not know that this was more than what I expected. So, you know, when I was in a group, Team 7, Dr. Shaguftha, she was my disha guru. As you know, Miss Deorah always says that, you know, one guru gives you gyan, one guru gives you disha. And she told me that, you know, why don't you go talk to the queen, Miss Deorah herself? Go to the live call, talk to her, ask her. And I did not know Miss Deorah so knowledgeable, and she is giving me these, you know, like simple things to do. She's telling me, do this, do this to your teenager, talk to her like this, tell her this, and I am not doubting it. I am like, you know, I am right now in a state, whatever she tells me, I will just do it, and I will do it with my full heart because I know this thing is going to work. I had a feeling, and she suggested me, she told me, she gave me some little secret recipe— 'Do this, tell this to your child.' And I am now thinking in my head, 'How am I going to talk to my child? What am I going to tell her?' She said, 'Find her in the right mood. Don't just go and bombard at her.' So Friday I spoke to her, Miss Riddhi Deorah. And I'm thinking overnight, Saturday I'm thinking whole day, when will be the right time, when will be the right time. By Sunday I'm ready to cry because I don't know what to do. And then Sunday evening I had a talk with, you know, mothers, and they said, go for it, don't hold, just don't hold. And Monday is my favorite day because I do fasting for, you know, Shiv Ji. And I said, "That's it, Monday I'm going, doesn't matter what happens." So I went on and I had this conversation with my daughter, and I don't know how she was so receptive and ready to listen. And the moment she found out that my mother is struggling, she's struggling, she's depressed, And when I put my heart out to her, something in her shifted. And from that particular day, it was not about me chasing her, knocking on her door, trying to talk to her. It all of a sudden reversed. And now my daughter comes looking for me. She wants to check on me that, you know, is my mother doing okay? Is she becoming depressed? 'Is she sad? Is she lonely? What is going to happen to my mother? She's all of a sudden so worried for me.' And that's, I think, when the change began. And now we started talking. We didn't start talking like full-on. We were having little conversations because I didn't want to overwhelm her, and I didn't want to overwhelm her as well. And then, and that's when the change began. And at the same time, I was also doing my courses because I loved the whole vibe of the community. And I was like, you know, whatever it takes. You know how Miss Deorah always says, do whatever it takes, just do it, don't sit. So I started doing the self-connection And that's when I realized that, you know, in this race of work, kids, home, husband, mother-in-law, sometimes I had lost myself. I don't know anymore what I like, and I didn't know what I care for. All I cared was my kids, my husband, my work, everybody around me. So I don't know what happens to me. I was watching self-care, and I enrolled. I was sitting there and I enrolled for a music class, and I told my husband that I have enrolled for a music class, and he was like— he is my biggest cheerleader. My husband is my biggest cheerleader, and as I was coming for this Spotlight, he told me, please give my special message to Miss Deorah. and tell her, 'Thank you that whatever you are teaching me, whatever I'm learning, it's not only changing me as a mother, it has changed my whole zone, my whole energy. I am now in a serving mode. I'm no more in a blaming mode. I'm not complaining. I'm not putting fingers on anyone.' I now just want to serve, and I do my best in that. And now this is also applied to my workplace as well. I used to— well, as a doctor, you have that compassion in your heart. Somehow you're trained like that. So I used to treat my patients well. I'm not going to say that I didn't treat them well, but now I don't work for myself. Now I work for Krishna. Now my whole attitude has changed, and the way now my patients receive the love from me has also changed. So, you know, I have some patients, they travel like 2-3 hours to come because I do a lot of work as a dentist which not a lot of other dentists do. So I had this particular patient She comes from Canberra, which is like, you know, 2.5 to 3 hours away from my place. But it was all complicated work. So we started something, and in between, her personal situation changed, and she told that, you know, she cannot come anymore. But she was also without teeth— upper teeth, lower teeth— there was no teeth in her mouth. And she was working somewhere as a CEO, and she cannot go to work anymore. So she doesn't go to work. She's so embarrassed. She's lost her confidence. So she's just stuck in a room in her house. So I got that message from my staff, and they are telling me that, you know, this is Christina's situation, and Christina is not ready to come anymore. What can we do for her? And then I am thinking, you know, I'm sitting and I'm in a meditation state and I'm going, God, what should I do? How can I help this patient and change her life? And I got an answer: go to where she is. You make a way, go to her, do work for her and make her come out of her house. So I have a friend in Canberra and she has a dental surgery there. So I called Monica and I said, Monica, this is the situation, can I use your rooms? And she said, okay. So I went there and took a team of, you know, my whole team. So 5 of us went there with all our gear and armamentarium, and my technicians went with me. So we were meant to see her at 10 o'clock. We left home at 6, reached there 9:30, freshened up, 10 o'clock. Did her surgery, put her implants, you know, the patient was okay. And then my technicians jumped on and we finished her at 11:30 at night. And she— and we gave her the teeth, so she's got upper teeth, lower teeth, and she can finally smile. And then she's putting Google reviews and she's sending me messages and she's crying and she's like I don't know how you decided this, but you have changed my life. And then 2 weeks later, she messaged me that, you know, she has got a post of a CEO in a company, and now she wants to write for me. She's saying, I will do a write-up for you, please, you know, let me write something for you on your website. So she wants to help. And now my staff was wondering what happened here. Like, she was such a cranky patient, she was calling every day, she was messaging, she was saying 'What's going on? What are you guys doing?' All of a sudden she's sending these lovely messages to people. So my whole life has changed, and all I remember is being in that service zone. And I don't think this was all possible if I was stuck to the Gold membership, because there is— yes, there is learning, but I think that I was ready to do in-depth study, and I said, "I want to learn more, and I just don't want to be with the limited knowledge." So then I got very lucky because at the time when I was a Gold member, Miss Deorah came up with a Platinum Elite on Guru Purnima, and I was like, you know, I didn't have to think. I'm not going to I don't need anyone's permission. This is what I need and this is how I'm going to do it. And my husband said, exactly, this is how you should do it. Go for it. So I became a Platinum Elite member. And after that, oh my God, I have no words to say what happened, where Sankirtan came in my life. I cannot tell you. This is— Sankirtan is the food for soul. And I also learned, you know, when I started experiencing all these changes, I was just going with the flow, just with complete surrender, and I did not know what was changing in me. And somebody asked me, my husband says, "So what happened?" Then the mothers from the community say, "So what did you do? What happened? What changed?" And I didn't have an answer for them. And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just doing what I'm being told to. I'm just learning and I'm just applying. So then I sat back and I'm thinking, this is not a good answer to tell people that I don't know what is happening. So I sat back and I'm thinking, what changed? And I learned that, you know, we say self-care before EPH, For me, self-care was go get a facial done, get your nails done, go for a massage, do your hair. You know, this is what I think is self-care. But what I learned, Miss Riddhi Deorah sitting there telling, you have to purify your soul, you have to nourish your soul. And how you do that? You do that by chanting, by thinking about God, by learning about God, and you know, this is the real self-care, this is the real change, the change in your energy, the change in your thinking. When you're not running and chasing and you are in surrender, God is watching you. So Sankirtan is what healed me. And you know, now I go around in the house and I'm chanting, and I've got a Jap calculator as well. And I'm trying to go through the numbers, but that's not my focus. And my son, 7-year-old son, nobody heard about it because he never bothered me, but he had his own challenges. He was also learning and growing at the same time as, you know, we were— me and Utsa, my daughter, we were working along. And, uh, and now every night before we sleep He is doing prayers, he's doing Ho'oponopono with me, and then we say Jai Shri Krishna, and after that we sleep. He's not throwing tantrums in the mornings anymore. Earlier, morning used to be a big mess for us. Every morning he will wake up and he's telling me, "I don't want to go to school. Why do I have to go to school?" And he's learning, he's learning, and I'm not particularly focusing and teaching him, but I guess, you know, as the environment in the house is changing, you know how a mother's— you know, our mission statement— mom's energy is equal to your child's energy is equal to your family's energy. And, you know, I think this is what is spreading around, and this is how we are healing as a family. And to add to that, my husband was saying, he was overseas last week, so he came back and he's asking me, he's cross-questioning me because we always like to analyze ourselves. So he is asking me, "So how do you think this EPH thing is helping you?" Because he sees a lot of change in me. He says, "How do you think it's helping Utsa?" And I'm thinking that he's now trying to tell me how is it helping, and I have to give him answers. So I start thinking, right? So I'm thinking, Utsa never used to look after her personal hygiene. He will not shower for days together. She can go for it, you know. She wasn't focusing on herself, she wasn't caring for herself, she was gaining weight, eating whatever she wants to, wouldn't want to study. All she wanted to do was shut the room, do whatever. But what does Utsa do now? Utsa takes shower every day, she goes to gym every single day, and I have had a secret pact that I must drop her to gym no matter what I'm feeling— tired, whatever is happening— she should not miss a single day of gym. She's watching her diet. She's now trying to cook her own food and trying to eat healthy. Because, you know, it's a little bit of a challenge for me because we are in Sydney and the kids very much think they are very Australian. They don't want to eat anything Indian. You know, she says, "Mama, I can't eat Indian every single day. You can cook food, but I will eat only what I want to." So she cooks her own meals now, and she's also cooking for Shaunak. And I did not know that, that this is what is happening in the backgrounds. And she is interested in studies. He comes to me, "Mama, can you explain me this?" He is enrolled for tutoring. So I don't know what else I want from her. I am very happy and very happy because, you know, now these kids, they say they are Australian and I am an Indo-Australian. So, mera dil hai Hindustani. So we had— I had a major breakthrough with her. Um, you know, Diljit was touring in Australia and we wanted to go for his concert because I just loved the whole vibe. And we booked 2 tickets, one for me and one for my husband, because we didn't even think that Utsa would want to come with us. And I just told her that we are going to go for the concert. And she says, "So you two are going for the concert?" I said, "Yeah." She says, "Mama, but I also want to go." I said, "But I didn't know that you like Punjabi music." She says, "Yeah, I really want to go." And then she said that, and then Swanik heard her saying, so he says he also wants to go. So I had to book 2 more tickets, and all 4 of us went. And the way this girl enjoyed— and I said, did you understand what he's singing? Like, do you understand he's saying, uh, 'Mama, it doesn't matter. I like music. I can enjoy, and I can just go with the vibe.' So she's dancing, and you know, she's full on. And I was like, wow, I never knew this side of my own child, that, you know, she can be like that. So this is exactly what I have been experiencing. And I'm not going to take a long time. I'm going to sum it all up because I think I've spoken enough. To sum it all up, you know, what I think is what changed, what brought me this community's love, the support, the guidance, and the enormous amount of knowledge, the understanding that I could get, you know, how every stage of kids require different style of parenting. We cannot treat a 2-year-old the same way as how we will treat a 7-year-old, and we cannot treat the 16-year-old the same as a 7-year-old. So the in-depth knowledge how the human brain is functioning how to respond, how not to react. How come I became— when I stopped getting angry on my child and I accepted her. Acceptance with compassion. And 3 things: action taker. Miss Deorah's missions, they are so powerful. Every mission has taught me something, and I have kept them so close to my heart. Take action. Whatever you are thinking, don't just learn, don't just hide it in a book, just go and do it. Implement it straight away. Lifelong learner. Just learn whatever you can in whatever field you are in. You know, parenting is just one field. I don't think ever I will be thinking about coaching anyone, But I, I think I have a lot of lessons to take from this whole community, what I can apply at my workplace. And, and last but not the least is to just be here, just be in the community, be involved, be active on your groups, talk to other mothers. There is so much to learn. Thank you so much. Thank you so much to Miss Deorah. And I cannot, you know, I don't have enough words to say to you, but you are so simple yet so knowledgeable and so powerful. You know how you are moving all these mothers in this mother energy that you have bundled up together. I think this revolution is going to do wonders. Yes, it is going to do wonders. So thank you so much. Amazing.

Thank you so much, Dr. Shweta. It means a lot to me. Very soothing, calm conversation. I loved it, and I'm so, so happy, you know. And that's why I keep saying that, you know, if the mother shifts, the whole family shifts. And now we have a live evidence in front of us that, you know, ever since you started working on yourself, your daughter and your husband, everybody— and I honestly, you know, I feel this because now I'm directly speaking with teenagers. There is no problem with the kids. It is only— there is only a gap in our understanding. And when we fill that gap after we learn, it just becomes really nice. And your child will be your biggest support and will do so many beautiful things that even you will start to wonder, is this really my child? They're very soft-hearted, they're very kind. You know, we can hit and we can still see them cry, but children cannot see one tear in your eye. But the problem is, you know, we don't show them the tears, we show them anger. We don't show them the real feelings. So some of you are asking, what did Dr. Shweta say? So I told her that, you know, instead of always showing anger to your daughter Why don't you go and show her this side of you? A mother who cares, a mother who's feeling sad, a mother who's getting affected. Because children are also sitting and thinking, my mom doesn't care, my mom is always lecturing me, my mom is always telling me what is the right thing to do, but she cannot see what I'm going through. Or when you go and tell your daughter or your son or your child that, you know, Hey, I, I get affected when you're sad. I feel sad too. It's not like I'm happy in my life when you're not doing well. So when you go and show them your true emotions, when you're vulnerable, when you're not trying to act like a superhero in front of your child, and you're telling your child, hey, I'm made of flesh. I could be your mom, but I have a heart that beats and my heart pains. And I hurt, I cry, and I can also need your help. I understand as a mother it's my responsibility to help you and to support you, but as a mother, I, I might need help as well, and I need you to help me feel better. So we don't ask them for the right things, and when we do ask them for the right things, they go out of their way to give us what we ask for, right? So it will work for everybody because it's coming from— I'll give you a small example. So in the Platinum, we have teenage calls, right? And this child was being bullied, and everybody was calling him fatso, fatso. And even his juniors started calling him fatso, motu hai, baddha hai. You know those, how, how mean, you know, teenagers can be sometimes, you know, just because they want to have fun. And he was really sad, very depressed. And I asked him only one thing, what do you think of them? And he said, ma'am, they're not good, they say such mean things to me. And I just told him one thing, that no, they are good. Everybody is good. There is nobody who is not good. And I told him that, you know, you have to first believe they are good and then go to them one-on-one and tell them that, hey, I know you're a good person, you're saying these things just to have fun, but you know, it's, it's really affecting me. And now it's also affecting my mom, because when she sees me in low energy, it also makes her feel sad. So can I please request you to not call me that? Because for you it's only a joke, but for me it's everything now. I'm not able to focus, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling bad. And the children who were bullying him, when he shared this with them, they got very emotional and they instantly apologized. Some of them even hugged him. And this was only one, one week. So one Sunday I told him this. Next Sunday when he came, he was a completely different child. He was smiling from ear to ear, and I immediately spotlighted him because I remembered his story. I told him, what happened? He said, ma'am, nobody is teasing me anymore. They are all friends with me now. We play on the bus. So understand, as mothers we need to give them— you know what most mothers will do? They will go and complain to the teachers and they will be like, 'Ma'am, this child is bothering and irritating my child.' So you go and complain because your belief is this child is not a good child. No child is a bad child. No human being is a bad human being, and even the most challenging human being can become your best friend if you show them love. So then these are our children. If we can turn a stranger into a loving person by understanding and showing some love than our own children made with our own blood and flesh. What makes you think they will not show you love? And I also want to tell you one thing: every time you are feeling low because of something that your child did or said, I, I'm giving you a guarantee, your child is feeling equally low, equally, or maybe more than you. It, it is not possible that the mother is feeling sad and the child is not feeling sad. So next time when you're feeling sad because of your child, don't sit and think that my child doesn't care. And that's the problem. When you start to think like that, you're not able to help your child because you can either love them or you can judge them. You can't do both at the same time. So I just want to appreciate Dr. Shweta for, you know, being in full surrender. It was difficult for her to have this conversation. It wasn't easy, you know, especially when your teenager has completely shut you down. To have this conversation, it can be very difficult, but she did it. So, you know, this is the only difference. Some of us will do it, some of us will feel, 'Nahiye, unke liye kaam karte hai, me rehle nahi karega.' Karega, aapke liye. A long time back, we had this activity where you had to hug your father and kiss your father. Now, so many mothers have very formal relationship with their fathers. They've never hugged their fathers, own fathers, and they've never kissed their own father. And now they're like, 'Mama, pittne bade ho ke kitna aajeev lag gaya.' Me, see, Shailaja is still putting not yet. I was like, forget it, which parent will not like a hug from his daughter? I was like, all the weirdness is in your head, it's not in the act. So go and hug him and kiss him before they take off. And so many mothers listened and they did that, and fathers were crying. And you know, so fathers like, meh, toh iske lete raha hai. So understand, you know, you have to make the first move. You just can't keep waiting for everybody else to make the move.

So this is, you know, I like—

it just showed up, so maybe this room needs it. So those of you who've never done it, please go and hug your father. Hug your father, kiss him. You know, I'm telling you, they will not— maximum what they might feel, a little hitchhike, once you hug him. And that will be a very precious moment to hold on to forever. Just go and tell Papa that Papa, Just go and then just hug. Really, be like a child, you know. Even if you're 50, even if you're 60, just be like a child, you know. Even now when I go back to my mom, just lying on her lap, I tell her, you can't sleep with Papa now. I've come. Now we are roomies. Now you and I are roomies for the next 4 days. So, you know, these, you know, small, small thing, you know, they need it more than you need it. They need it. Just imagine, you know, when your child is an adult and, you know, she is married and she comes home and she tells you, 'Mommy, aap mere paas hiro, aap ko chalna hi aajeeb lag hoga.' You'll feel good, you'll not feel aajeeb. Your son comes, you know, maybe he's living in a different house after marriage, or he's studying abroad. He comes back and he hugs you. My husband would not hug his mom. And I told him, this birthday you have to hug her. Why have you come into my life? You're just making things so weird between us. I was like, no, you have to. She wants it. You know, she wants it. She'll feel so weird if I do that. I think at least try. So, you know, everybody likes it. Everybody likes to be appreciated. Everybody likes to receive love. Everybody wants the hugs. Even our teenagers want it. And every day— you know, not every day because then it will— you know, Veer will feel weird. But almost, you know, once in 2-3 days, I will tell Veer, I think I just need your energy now. Just quickly come and give me a hug. I'm just like zero level energy. And then he'll give me a hug and he'll ask me, now how much energy? What's your energy level now? And I'm like, I'm like 50. He's like, what happened today? It's increasing so slow. Yeah, maybe. You know, these are small things, but you know, this will make a lot of difference. You can do this even with your husband. You don't always have to say, "Come sit next to me, you're watching TV." Then just say, "Okay, fine, keep watching TV, but give me a tight hug right now. I just need it really bad." Just, you know, you get your hug, he gets his screen, everybody is happy. Haag hoti hoti kuch aal bhi ho sakta hai. Understand that you have to just, you know, ask for it. But you, you are just sitting and fighting. Life, right? So it's very important that, you know, you relax and stay in that childlike energy. And you don't have to— you know, just because we are mothers, we don't have to take like a godlike status that I know everything, I know what's good for you. I know what should happen in this house, and I am like some, you know, some superhero who never gets hurt. I do keep telling everybody, when my birthday, one week before, I will start broadcasting. 7 days left. I hope the cards are ready. 6 days left. I hope you guys have ordered my cake. I do this— my husband is like, how will we even surprise? You're like, I don't want to shock, I don't want to shock, so it's better I keep— prepare my own surprise with you guys. The surprise can be the final execution. So you know, it's very important that you keep that child like, you know, my help also today she came She was giving, I have that fruit platter, I was like, Didi, aaj tum mera birthday aaj kuch extra de dete. She's also thinking that what kind of a lady. So you know, then she came with a flower, she gave me a flower, it's kept here only, I think. Oh, I kept it in the vase. So you know, my pandit ji came, I told him, pandit ji, aaj toh racha shivaji, Didi gaj mera birthday. See, people like it if you talk, you know, if you ask for blessings, who will not like? But you're just sitting here like, nobody is wishing me and nobody is loving me and nobody cares about me. Just, just ask for love and give love and everybody is feeling happy. In the lift also, when I was going down to drop V to the bus stop, I found some strangers. I told them, it's my birthday, you're allowed to wish me. It's my birthday, you are allowed to wish me. Everybody wished me and I told them I have a lot of birthday cake, if you want, please come drop by for some time. So they were also very nice, they said okay, fine, when we come back from work, we'll see if we can come. Ab aye nahi hai, at least I called them. So you know, very easy. So now we will ask questions from Dr. Shoveta. And don't ask her parenting question, but ask her what made you do it, how did you start, those kind of questions. Don't ask that my child— don't get into your own child's story. Ask her questions of how she dealt with her situation, right? So if you have any questions, you can raise your hand. All money questions, I see 30 hands up. Yes, somebody is making money. Okay. Sorry. Uh, yes, hi ma'am. First of all, happy birthday. Thank you so much, Pooja. Yeah, and Shweta, this is really very inspiring, very inspiring to listen that we can connect with our teenager like that.

Uh, I have one question that you said that she is now taking care of her personal hygiene and her diet and her health.

How this happened? Madam, how you convince her to start these kind of things? Because at this age they want to do things as per their own. Okay, we will take care when we want, we will take care of our health, and when we want, at that time we will take a bath. And you know, and we— I have to stop saying now after listening to Riddhi Deorah, I don't nag, I don't criticize, I don't say— I just say it's my view that you should take care of this thing.

Aage, it's your own choice.

I end my line with like that only, but I want to know how much time— and is the way I am speaking is right? And how you inspire your child to take care of herself?

Hello?

I am not able to— yes, I'm not—

yeah. Yes. Now, sorry, there was an ambulance going in the background, so I muted myself. Thanks for your question, Pooja. What happened with my daughter, as the connection improved, she started feeling loved, and she started experiencing that she is actually required in the household, and she should participate more. There wasn't any particular, you know, I never forced her, but we collaborated. So I wouldn't go on and talk to her about, you know, what I feel we should do. I say, I propose a question to her, you know, why personal hygiene is important, and, you know, I will talk about that maybe for a minute, not more than that. And then I will say, you know, you feel what is right for you. Let me know if you need any support, any help. and then she decided. So I am not deciding it for her, what is she going to, when is she going to shower. She decides that and I just support her, and then I will just check that, you know, she is still following along. For example, she started talking to me that she wants to lose weight, so we sat down and we, you know, set small goals and how is she going to achieve that. So pretty much, you know, what we are learning from this whole, you know, courses, how to set goals, how to celebrate small wins, is what I'm transferring to her, but in a short and a sweet form. Not in a lecturing form, not telling you should do this, you should do that, but just giving her information that, you know, this is how it— this can be done, but you decide how you want to do it, and then I will offer my support. For example, she decided that she wants to go to gym, but she doesn't drive. And how is she going to go to gym? So I will make sure that, you know, I drop her to gym, or my husband drops her to gym, or somehow self-drops, so she reaches gym. And then with her meal plan, that was her own idea because she wants me to cook Australian food, which I, I cannot do that. So I said that, you know, we can hire a cook who can do that. And she said, no, I will do that for myself. And as she started, you know, doing for herself on weekends, if she plans to bake something, then we both of us bake it together, which also, you know, gives us that mother and daughter touch. So, you know, when they are a teenager, you can't make decisions for them. You can gently and slowly guide them in a direction. But it is very important that they collaborate with you in taking action. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Such a beautiful answer because, you know, they are our responsibility, so we just can't let them be. We have to be there as a support.

Love it.

Yes, Dr. Y. Kavita.

Happy birthday, Riddhi ma'am.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even I have a teenage daughter, like, uh, and I'm also going through the same problems, like, you know, she keeps on back answering. But I am going through your courses, but still then I feel challenging at times, you know. So step by step, how should I manage? I am like, you know, now at least now she's okay. Like, when I was about to come to Vrindavan, Mama, don't go. My husband is strict, so how will I stay with my father? So at least at this point, I feel that she's a little bit connected to me. She's feeling emotions for me if I'm going out. But then back answering and certain things, it's now teenagers just started. How I have to handle? Sometimes I shout at her even if I don't want to. So can you please guide me? Like, you know, it's just now, you know, it's a starting stage of teenage. So yes, yes, yes, Dr. Kavita, um, thanks for the question. Um, first of all, you know, it's very important for us to understand that why teenagers are behaving in a certain way, right? Um, if you remember the, um, even the relationship boot camp that we had Riddhi Deorah explained it beautifully that, you know, how our upper brain and lower brain works. So understand this, that teenagers, they do not have that logical brain at this age. However, they are, you know, physically growing up and they start looking like adults. So our expectation all of a sudden changes towards them. Okay. Right. So you have to understand that if she is back answering you, it's not because she wants to be rude or angry to you. She doesn't know what to do in this situation, so she back-answers you. So you shouldn't be taking what she is saying personally so that you start then into an argument with her, start getting angry at her. So control that part, and you can do that because you are learning, you are doing the Sankirtan and you are learning all of that, so you know that it is very much in your control what you can control, which is yourself. So you learn how to respond to your daughter and how not to react. And once she will see that, you know, Mom is not responding and reacting, she's not angry, she's not frustrated, but I back answer her, then gently, when she's not angry, tell her what you feel. It is very important for you to express your feelings. So if you are not feeling happy because she's back answering you or because she's, you know, not listening to you, keep on updating her. But that doesn't mean that all of a sudden you will expect now she will not back answer. So relax. You be in a relaxed mode, she'll automatically relax. Yeah. Especially when whatever she asks for and that is not good for health. I just say this. 'No, this is not good for health,' then suddenly she'll get angry and she'll start back answering that, especially whenever she demands something and it's not good for her. At that time, she keeps— So you have to set some boundaries with her. The kid's job is to ask you for whatever they want to. My kids do that too. They think that, you know, Mom is there, she should give us whatever we ask for. But you cannot do that because this is not good for themselves. So try when you are in the middle of the situation, do not say anything if you know that the situation is going to be blown up. Just try to relax, get out of there, drink some water, wash your face, and then come back later on when they are not in an angry mode and explain it to them. This is what I can do for you, but for you to get this, this is what you have to do. So you put some kind of reward. Yes, great, you want this, we will get it for you, but in In return, you should be able to do some things which will make you earn this gift, and it's not just a gift. Try that, it will work. This is the new thing that I have also learned, is to set boundaries, because before this I used to be a very 'yes mum' kind of a mother. I'll say yes for everything, and later on I realized it was not a good idea. Thank you, thank you very much, Dr. Shobhita. Thank you, Dr. Kavita. Thank you, Dr. Kavita.

Let's put A for amazing for Kavita. Let's get Sunita.

Thanks a lot, ma'am, for giving me the permission. First of all, I wish you a very happy birthday.

Thank you so much.

We have to sing a happy birthday song for you later on, Miss Deorah. Please allow us.

Yes, yes, I have a question. Like, my, uh, condition is like same also yours. I have two teenagers, one is 16 years, one is 13 years. So, uh, like initially I used to, uh, yeah, scold them, in fact sometimes beat them also. But now after listening to Riddhi Ma'am, I have stopped it. But like you were saying, yes, they also understand our emotions and when sometimes even if we cry, they feel that, yeah, mama is getting hurted. But in my case, like, if I do that, my son and daughter, they will start saying, okay, drama bazi bandh karo, ye drama kya chala rakha hai, abhi tum rona shuru karo, ge pele, dante ho aur fear, then you having a tear in your eyes. What does this mean? So stop all this cranky things. So how do we handle this condition? You are, I think, muted, ma'am.

Yeah, so how do we handle this thing? Okay, so when you're— when— so do you actually start crying when your kids are angry on you or situations like that arise? Is that what happens?

Sometimes, like a few days back, my son told me, I don't want to see your face. Like, I gave him a breakfast. He was happily— he taken the breakfast and everything. And all of a sudden, something happened. I went into his room because he's again locking the door and not speaking much, not sharing anything with us. So I just opened the door. He was about to go to his tuition classes. So I opened the door. I told him something to— okay, your bag is there or something. All of a sudden, I don't know what happened. He started saying 'You keep the door shut. Don't come to me. I don't like your face. Go and die somewhere.' So he started like that. So I was very frustrated, and all of a sudden, I mean, tears got into my eyes. I said, 'What happened to you? You were just a few minutes back, you were okay, and now all of a sudden you are behaving like this.' Now he stopped talking with me from last 2-3 days. He's not speaking with me.

Yeah, so what, uh, Sunita, what, what I think or what I feel here is that, you know, I have been in that stage and I can really feel what you are saying. Um, what is missing here is the connection because your kids do not feel the need to, you know, care for you, to make you feel good about yourself, because they are feeling the same from your side. So watch out, you know, when you're talking to your kids, what kind of tone you're using. You don't want to sound too bossy, you don't want to be giving too many instructions because they are teenagers now. They are like mini adults in the house, so you have to understand that they want to be treated like adults, but their emotions still take over their logical brain. So I don't think it's all coming from their heart, but they just don't know how to communicate properly because they are lacking that connection with you. So work on your connection, see what you have done. You know, this is what I figured out as well, that there was nothing wrong with my child, but it was me. Every time I go to her, all I was saying was, 'Why is your room so messy? Why are you not showering? Why are you not studying? Why are you in your room? Come out!' You know, my tone was so aggressive, and it was not cool at all. So if you are talking to your kids, or your kids are talking to you, make sure that you don't raise your voice at them. You want to treat them like you have a guest at the house. This is what Miss Deorah was also saying. Treat your kids the way you will treat a guest in your house. Treat them that way. And if you have done some mistakes in the past, be an owner of your mistakes as well. Own them. Go accept it. Apologize to them and establish that love again. And once you will notice that, you know—

The moment they're not ready to accept that apologize also.

Like, I'm just going to interfere here, sorry, but you know, Sunita, to—

for you to be able to connect with your kids, first you have to stop judging them. So you don't have to do anything with them right now. First you work on your energy. Like, right now you're in a zone where you feel they're not good kids.

No, now after listening to you, I felt like, no, there are some things that we have done because of that they are doing that.

But still, in the way that you're speaking right now, as a third person, I feel that you've not forgiven them. You're still blaming them for their behavior.

No, no, from my heart I have said yes, I should forgive them for whatever they have done because they are not real What you can say, it's the root cause is not there. So whatever is happening, it is not there. Maybe sometimes, like my relationship with my husband, we sometimes fight.

Tell me 5 good things. You have 2 kids, right? Age?

Age 16 and 13.

Tell me 5 good things about your 16-year-old boy, right? Boy?

Yes.

Yeah, tell me 5.

He is focused whenever he wants something.

Don't explain, just give me 5 words.

He is focused, he's concentrated, he, uh, yeah, he's focused, he's concentrated, he studies well. Uh, if he is having—

all the same, focus, concentration, study is all one, one quality. Give me 4 more.

He is good to his friends, he is good to his friends if he wants, like, and Yeah, that is the most things. Otherwise, like, yeah.

Okay, now tell me 5 good things about your daughter.

She is much understanding than my son, if I would say. She's understanding. She, uh, like, uh, she doesn't take care of her own things, but, uh, whenever we take good things, good things. She is good by nature. She's jolly in nature. She's jolly in nature. She understands. She helps also. And she works her own way. She like dancing and other things. Yeah.

Okay, so I want you to— this week your homework is only to see the good things in them and keep making a list. Then next week you will tell, tell them that, you know, I really like the way you focus, I really like how you keep the environment jolly. You will not say anything negative to them. So your homework this week is to notice the good things that your children do. Keep writing it, don't try to keep it in your brain, write it. And the week after, you will only mention the good things to them. You will not tell them, sit like this, do this, eat, take a shower, do your homework. Forget about it, because if you're not connected, no matter how much you're communicating, it will only lead to problem. And if you open your mouth to say something, it has to be something nice that you have noticed. This will help you to— help you to reconnect. There is no need to go with a beggar's energy now to apologize. It will not work. They will not accept it. So you will first notice the good in them, shift your energy towards them. You're saying right now that I have forgiven them, but you haven't, because even now when you're finding the good, you're comparing your children. My daughter is better than my son. And you're also saying things like, can be good if he wants to be. Are you understanding? So you know, when we say, but what we are feeling is— our feelings will tell us the real truth. So one thing is, you know, somebody tells me, 'Pani pio, pani acha hai.' Or, 'Ek mein sach mein pani pirein hoon.' So abhi aapko factually pata chal gaya ki maybe I have made a mistake, maybe they have not been on the wrong completely. So factually, you know, but now you have to drink it. Right? So this small exercise will actually help you drink the goodness in your children. And because see, everything is energy. Even before you open your mouth, they can understand what you think about them. So first you have to fill yourself up with genuine love for them. Every mother loves, and you also love, and that's why you're getting affected. If you didn't love them, you would not. But they have to feel that love. To feel that love, you have to remove all the negative also that you are carrying. Then the love which is there, it is covered right now. The love is there, but it is covered. So when you remove all of this extra which is covering the love, then your love will get transferred to them. Okay, so you give— do this exercise, 100% it will work. The same kids will come and say, Mommy, I want to sit with you.

Sure.

Okay, don't worry, they are kids, they love you. Every child loves his mom. He also— he and she both love you. But you have to also now think that you have to only keep telling yourself, my children really love me. My son and my daughter love me the most. They really love me.

They—

I'm the best mother to them. You keep repeating this also, okay?

Yes.

Amazing. Let's pray for amazing for Dr. Shoveta and Sunita. We'll do one more today, and then, you know, Dr. Shoveta, you can just reach out to her, attack her with your questions, because today I have a shoot. Okay, Anubha.

Thank you, ma'am, and very, very happy birthday to you and to Riddhi ma'am also. Please convey our regards. We love both of you seriously a lot. Yes, so saving on time, I was hearing the conversations of all the teenagers, or what was the, uh, Dr. Shweta and you were discussing. So my situation is almost similar, but my A child, age is 7 years old, so back answering, trying independence, uh, doing things independently, don't want interference of anyone else. So she was also seeking in all those things, and I have shared little about earlier with you as well. So you have told me let her be in some class, another class, or, uh, do the things in a fun way. But ma'am, seriously, even I attend the sankirtan, even I attend your live calls For me to channelize my energy, I do so. But some of the time when she really hurts me, she give a back answering very badly. I can express my emotions. Um, so I, I keep on telling to say all the things are fine, even I am doing my best, there's nothing wrong at my part, I need to control my anger. Again and again I keep on telling myself. But recently I just Tell me the same, 5 good things about your daughter.

Okay, uh, we should all just make a list of 5 things about our kids because now we can go on and on.

See, see, I'll tell you, this is not your fault, Anuba. Our brain is designed for negativity. It will only catch the negatives that our kids do. But we have to do the opposite. We have to train our brain to catch the good things that they do. And when you train your brain, you feel that. When you feel that, they feel it too. So the shift that happened for Dr.— you know, why did I recommend Dr. Shweta that go and have this conversation instantly? Because when she was talking, I could feel the love. I feel the love in you also, but again, your love factual. I'm not saying that every mother will love— there is no not factual, actually love covered with complain.

Ma'am, uh, I can take even 10 good things.

I will do.

How many of you, if you want to know how to catch this, how am I understanding who should go immediately and who should wait and go? You want to learn the hack? If you want to learn the hack, put yes in the chat box. It's a very simple hack. When you are sharing and you are using 'I feel this,' 'I feel this,' 'I feel sad,' 'I—' that means you are over— you really are in a zone of love. You are feeling hurt. But when the mother is sharing and she says, she does this and she talks like this and she did this and she doesn't listen and she closes the door on me— she, he, she, he means you have to work on your energy first. You're in the zone of complain, you're not in a zone of acceptance.

One question, if the child is not at all answering to you, she's saying something to you, maybe that she's reading a book, whatever her own choice, she's not at all listening. Whether she should— I'm asking somebody, whether Akshi, that you want to have learned, that she—

ma'am has something told as a part of homework. Your homework, one week you will not talk to her. Okay, you will not say a word to her. Let her come to you when she wants to speak. Okay, that's your homework. It's going to be tough. Do it. Whenever you feel like talking to her, do something else. You will not get an update on what she eats. What she wants to eat, she'll come to you. She wants to share about school, she will come and tell you. See, I'll tell you, it's— every child is different. Maybe she's focused, you're asking her thing, it's irritating. Now children are very pure, they're not going to think that mommy, they just say mommy please, or they'll not listen, they'll ignore, right?

Hi, she's your little one? Yes, she is 2 years old.

Okay, yes. So I would recommend that with both your kids you reduce for some time, and then you see the magic. You know, when you are running after something, that thing runs away from you. When they come to share, you give them your whole full 100% attention, your heart and soul. Okay, okay. So your due— your role is also to notice the good, make a list, and not to speak for one week. When she will ask, you will speak, but you will not start.

And if somebody else is complaining about her that she's not listening or she's not— is watching TV, should I be interfering that time also?

You should not say anything. Say okay, she will stop. Take her side.

Okay, okay.

Your due role is to protect your child, not to become a part of the party and, you know, say my child did this and my child did that. Okay, let's put A for amazing for Anuba. How many of you are noticing same problem, different solution? Because the solution will depend on the energy of the mother. Every single one loves their child. If you were not loving your child, you would not be in a parenting class. Otherwise you would be chilling, you would not care whatever is happening in your life, you would just allow it to happen. You care for your child, you love your child, but sometimes that love is covered with a lot of these issues— judgment, complain, blame, other people blaming, other people complaining— because of which we are not able to appreciate who our children truly are. So then you have to look at the same child through a different lens, and then you will see the magic unfold. Right, amazing. So let's take a picture. I'm sorry, I would like to go on, but today I have a birthday lunch and I have some things to finish before that. So let's take a picture. And I also need to take a picture with Dr. Aman. Yesterday we could not take, so we'll take one with Aman as well. Okay, okay, we'll take one in the gallery view. Yes, let me find Aman. But before that, can we all put thank you for, uh, Dr. Shweta and also Dr. Aman? Because yesterday I had to abruptly leave, was not able to thank her properly. But just one second. Yes, you were amazing, Dr. Shweta. I loved how concisely and to the point your replies were. It was really nice, amazing. And Aman, let's take a picture. Thank you, thank you, ma'am. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. Yes, and I loved your presentation yesterday. I loved how you remembered all the line. And one thing that I loved the most, which was also a lesson for me, which I have been doing, but it was such a beautifully— the way you shared it— suggestion and command. I loved it. You know, I think I'll carry this with me, and whenever my teachers— I, I have been doing it, but now I will do it with more awareness, that if they're saying something, I just have to take it as a command and I have to do it. So amazing. Let's take one more. We are because of you only. Yes, but so proud of you. Thank you, thank you. Let's take one more in the gallery view. Amazing, love it. Let's all put thank you for Dr. Aman as well. You guys are amazing. And you know, they are just mothers like you. If they can do it, you can do it. It's the same for all of us. So understand, if one child is not watching screen, none of us should have children watching screen. It's just that you're not believing in the idea fully. When you believe in the idea fully, you execute it with complete surrender, it will work for you. So we just need to do the same thing— believe and imply, apply, believe, apply— it will happen. And it's my birthday, so all of you can wish me. I'll allow you to unmute yourself. One second. All of you can unmute and wish me happy birthday.

Love you so much, ma'am. Happy birthday, ma'am.

Happy birthday, Riddhi Deorah. I don't know what else to ask Krishna for. So many birthday wishes, so much love. I think truly, like, truly, truly blessed. I think, uh, yes, this is, this is a good life. All I can say, it's good because of each and every one of you. So thank you so much. Your attendance is active on the app. You can mark your attendance. And today I'm doing a very special call at 6 o'clock, so be there. Call all your team members. So I will— I do Drain to Divine, but today I'm doing a different take on Drain to Divine. I'm going to give you 36, because I'm turning 36, so I'm going to give you 36 ideas which has helped me to convert my energy from drain to divine. And you know, you can use the same 36 ideas, some of which you already know because you've been with me for so long. But you will get a checklist of 36 things that you can use to turn your energy from a drained energy to a beautiful divine energy, right? So we'll share that. Amazing. Thank you. So no call at 3 PM with Tag Mango. The Tag Mango call will happen on the 29th of November. None of you should get it. I'm speaking with them. We will do something better than the Black Friday. So wait for the 29th of November before you get Tag Mango. Don't get it before that. Awesome. Thank you so much. Love you. Take care. Have a fantastic day. Can't see the attendance. No, it's active. Just log out and log in. You'll be able to see, or just refresh your app. Yes, even though on the Black Friday they're showing 28th last day, for us they will keep it open. So 29th, we will have a special call. Awesome. Thank you. Take care.