Rob AndersonLead Coach/ Principle Owner, Stand Sure Coaching · Spending time in collaborative conversations with clients

January 25, 2026

25 Jan 2026 · 1 min

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0:56

In this candid monologue, the speaker reflects on a recent emotional episode that triggered a high "bullshit meter" and describes how he approached his wife to share his internal state without assigning blame. He explains the communication psychology principle of separating internal activation (one's own emotional triggers) from external blame (attributing fault to the partner). By doing so, he aims to protect trust, reduce defensiveness, and keep the relationship safe while he works through his own triggers. He frames the conversation as an invitation for his wife to offer support, emphasizing that this collaborative approach can strengthen the partnership rather than divide it.

Chapters

Now y'all should know by now that if you're not careful, you're going to stumble into some of my true confessionals. Today, my bullshit meter is pegged and I'm not even sure why. So I sat down with my wife. I don't unpack the details. I just name the state that I'm in. And I also tell her, hey, this thing that I'm carrying, this edge, it's not because of her and she hasn't done anything wrong. And you see, that matters. Communication psychology calls this separating internal activation from external blame. What it does is it protects trust, lowers defensiveness, and keeps the relationship safe while I figure out what's really pushing those buttons. And honestly, the only thing left for her to figure out, or maybe even ask, is how she can be supportive. And together, we walk away stronger and not divided.