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Welcome to today's episod welcome to the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit the subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast, do me a massive favor right now. It'll take you five seconds. Take your phone out of your pocket, go to however you listen to this podcast, whether it's Spotify or Apple Podcasts and just give this podcast a rating and review. More positive rating interviews that we get the more that those platforms show this and present to people who have never listened to it before, which allows us to grow and and allows you to be able to help somebody else find it as well. So if you do that, I would greatly appreciate it. Today we're going to be talking about how to overcome your fear of rejection. And there's one thing that I realized after coaching people for going on 18 years now is that one of the main things that people are afraid of is being rejected by other people. Whether that be in a business sense, whether that be in a relationship sense, whether that be, you know, just seeing somebody and saying, hey, can do you want to go do this thing? And they say no. And it's like there's a little bit of a fear of rejection that we all kind of have in us. And the thing that you have to understand about being a human is that we all will be rejected at some point in time in our lives. Many, many times. There's really no way around it. The only way around it is really just not coming in contact with any people at all. And that could be a job application. You get rejected. It could be a scholarship. It could be asking someone out. It could be asking for an order when you're a salesperson. And let's face it, if we're being honest, rejection can hurt. If we're looking at rejection through the wrong lens, because everything in life is about your perception. And so if we're perceiving this in the wrong way, which I have done many times in my life, trust me, then we really start to see it the wrong way. And we're not actually looking at what could be the benefits of rejection. You know, if we look at it the wrong way, it can bring up a lot of feelings of worthlessness, of. Of doubt in ourselves. Doubt in our path could bring up the feeling of loneliness. Or what if this person says no to me and I'm alone forever? It can bring up a lot of feelings. And it's really. Whenever you find something that you're afraid of, that's really something, that's a portal that you need to try to step through, a door that you need to open to discover more about yourself. And if you run from it, you're going to lose all of the lessons that come from it. But what if we could see rejections in a little bit different light? What if instead of letting rejection bring us down, we could actually use our rejection whenever we do have them as an opportunity to grow and as an opportunity to learn. Well, that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about the power of no. The power of hearing no from other people. But before I dive into that, what I really wanna talk about is, like, the thing that I always think when someone's dealing with something, I always say, why? Why does this exist? And what I really wanna talk about is, why does rejection hurt so much? Like, why are we so afraid of it? Well, you know, if you go back to hunter and gatherer days or caveman days or Whatever they used to be. Back then, we were tribal people. You hear me say this in the podcast at least once a month, we were tribal beings, which meant that if we were rejected and we were kicked out of the tribe, we were going to die. There's no way around it. But today rejection doesn't mean death. We want to be accepted is what it comes down to. We just want it. It's not that we need to be accepted, but the other thing about rejection is it can also bring in the feelings of loss. Like you were really excited about getting that house and you ended up putting an offer on the house and you didn't get it. And now you feel like you lost the house, you feel like there's a lack that's inside of you, or you apply for a job and you go through the process and you're excited about it, you're excited about making more money, getting a raise, all of that, and then you don't get it. So you feel like you lost what you would have had. It could also feel the feeling of loss with that relationship that you wanted to get into, that raise that you applied for, all of that. And really what it does, what our fears, what our insecurities, what our self limiting beliefs do, whenever they come onto the surface and we notice them, is it shines a light on one of our biggest insecurities. One of the biggest insecurities with humans and that I've noticed from coaching thousands of people, is the feeling of unworthiness, the feeling of I am not enough, I am not worthy, I'm not worthy of praise, I'm not worthy of love. And if I'm not worthy, then I won't be loved. And if I'm not loved, then I could be alone forever. And really that's what I think our deepest seated fear is, is that, you know, if we won't be accepted for some reason and if we're not accepted, we won't be loved and we won't be able to feel the love that we're really searching for. Most people, though, what's really, really interesting, and this will be for another episode, but most people, we look to other people for our self worth. So really what's happening is I'm looking to you to reflect back to me that I am worthy of love or that I'm worthy of being accepted or I'm worthy of whatever it might be. So we look to other people, we look outside of ourselves for our own self worth in a lot of ways. And when we're rejected, that makes us feel worthless. It can lower our self worth if we're looking into the wrong direction. And you know what you're actually searching for from other people, that love, that acceptance that you're searching for from other people, in all honesty is actually what you're searching for from yourself. But that's for a completely different episode. We're not diving into it in this episode. I just want to kind of plant that seed for you. What you're searching for from other people, to be loved, to be accepted, all of that is actually what you're searching for in yourself. If you get it from yourself, you don't need it from anybody. But you know, we'll dive into that another time. But really what it comes down to when we go back to the feeling of rejection, as many of us have internalized the belief that our worth is tied to our achievements and you know, how much money we make and the things that we can put after our name that say that we got a piece of paper from a college and when we don't reach our goals, we don't get the achievements that we want. It can make us feel like we're not good enough because we have been trained through society in a lot of ways. I can definitely attest this for myself. And you know, some people that aren't competitive, they might not feel this as much. But for me, very competitive person, very driven person, I have internalized and many of us internalize the belief that our self worth is a tied to our achievements and who we become. At the beginning of the year, we

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dial so in order for us to feel worthy, we have to achieve not. Which means if we don't achieve, we don't feel worthy. And when we don't reach those goals, we can feel like we're not worthy. We can feel like we're not enough. And so really that's the thing that we're afraid of. So if that's the case, what do we do instead? So what do we do? You know, not take action so that we don't feel those feelings. You know, if we think about that, we will do anything except feel what we are afraid of feeling. And so if we're like, okay, I don't want to feel the feeling of rejection. I don't wanna feel a feeling of unworthiness. So I'm gonna take no action so that I don't come in contact those feelings. I'm gonna take no action so that there's no spotlight shined on the fact that I don't think I'm worthy or that I'm unlovable, or that I don't feel like I'm good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or whatever it is that's holding you back. And what's funny is we will keep ourselves busy doing anything, accept what we need to do to move further down our path so that we don't come in contact with our rejection. I have worked with so many business owners over years and it is mind boggling to me how many other things that they will do except for the thing that they need to do. And so they know that they need to knock on some doors or make some cold calls or whatever it might be to grow their business and bring in revenue. They will distract themselves completely doing other things that are not as important, that are not revenue generating activities so that they don't put themselves out there, so that they don't possibly get rejected. It's pretty wild. And then what happens? The business fails. Why? Because of the mindset of the business owner. I have found that 99% of failed businesses come from the actual mindset of the business owner. So before we dive into the benefits of rejection though, it's important to really note when we talk about this type of stuff, what we're getting rejected for. So for instance, you know, if we go back to the example of a business owner, or we go back to the example of a salesperson. When I was younger and I first started in sales When I was 19, started training people, I was 20. I trained over 2,000 sales reps, salespeople by the time I was 24. So in four years, I trained over 2,000 sales Reps. Almost everyone struggles with making sales calls. It's the funniest thing. 99.9% of sales reps struggle with making phone calls. Not because of rejection specifically, but because we feel like we are getting rejected as a human. And so this is really important. If you're a salesperson, if you're in business, you ever trying to, trying to, you know, trying to climb the corporate ladder, whatever it might be, then put yourself out there and get products sold or upgrade, you know, your customers and try to get them something sold on the Back end and have them ascend and whatever it is you're trying to do. But we feel like if somebody says no to our business proposal, they're saying no to us. We feel like rejection is we are getting rejected. When in business, the reality is they're just saying no to your business proposal. They're saying, no, I don't want your product. Why does it hurt? Because we internalize that and think that they're saying no to us. That's just a no in the sales process. They're not saying, no, you suck. I hate you. You're a terrible human. They're just saying no to buying your product. But we sit there and go, no, that's so sad.

Somebody said no to me.

And then we start to create an entire story in our head of, well,

I must not be good at this. I must not as good as John. He's such a better salesperson. And maybe I wasn't meant to do this. Maybe I should go back to being an engineer and not being a salesperson. Maybe I don't have the mindset or the drive to do this.

And we created a whole internal story when all the person did was say, I don't want to buy your stuff. Right? But we change and we morph it to think that we're not good enough. So what do we do? We avoid it. I've trained many, many, many salespeople and worked with many, many business owners, and this is a core thing that holds them back. They're afraid to get rejected because they hear no to business proposal. And then they internalize it, creating a whole story in their own head about how they're not good enough, not smart enough, whatever it might be. When in reality, the person who said, hey, I don't want to buy your things, that's it. But there's really a whole lot of benefits to getting a no. You know, there's many benefits to being rejected. First off, it gets us out of our comfort zone. You know, we. We felt the feelings of fear. I did not want to make that cold call. I did not want to make that, you know, walk up to that person and ask them out. We feel the feelings of fear and we say, you know what? I'm going to do it anyways. Like, that alone puts us out of our comfort zone. That alone is a positive. Whether they say yes, whether they say no, whether they buy from you, whether they say they want to go on a date with you or not. Those things, just putting yourself out of that comfort zone and doing it anyways. Is a really big positive. And the thing that I want you to understand about it is this is. I've been working on my fears and my limiting beliefs for a long time. I've been trying to help people work them for a long time. They never actually go away. Like, someone asked me the other day, they said, what's the secret to overcoming fears? It's funny with running a podcast called the Mindset Mentor. Cause everyone's always looking like, what's the tips and tricks and the shortcuts and the secrets? And there's really not any. You know, when you look at what's the secret to overcoming fears? And all of that, there is no magic pill. Your fears are always gonna be there. You just have to learn to feel the fear and do it anyways. Now, as of when you do go on the personal development journey, your fear might right now be at a 8 or a 9. Then you work on yourself for a year, two years, three years. You invest time, money, energy into growing yourself, Books, courses, whatever it is it might be to help you grow. And it takes it from a nine or, you know, an eight, a nine, to maybe like a two or three.

It's still there.

It's just not screaming at you anymore. But you learn, you know what? I'm gonna have to just feed this fear and do it anyways. You know, I wrote an entire chapter on fear and how to work through fears in my book Level Up. So if you want to learn more about overcoming and working through your fears, you can definitely read that. I go much more in depth on it. But if you never get rejected, you never leave your comfort zone, and you're destined to have the exact same life that you currently have. Because if you don't leave your comfort zone, everything's going to stay the same. So if you're like, I want to avoid rejection, you will never leave your comfort zone. Which means that your destiny is to have the exact same life that you currently have. And it might be okay, but I'm guessing if you listen to this podcast, you probably want things to be a little bit better. So that's not really what you're working for. And if we never hear the word no, it could mean that we're not taking enough risks. And it's. You know, it could say that you're not taking enough risks, or maybe you're just not talented or lucky. And so you can try to say, hey, how can I get more talented? How can I get more lucky? But, you know, if you don't put yourself out There and risk. It's like that. One of my favorite quotes is, when you risk nothing, you risk everything. If you risk nothing in your life, you risk everything in your life. You risk the potential that you have inside of you who you could become, the life that you could have, the fun and the joy and the happiness and the money that you can make and all of that, and the place that you could travel to and the way that you could impact the world when you don't take any risks and you stay in the same fucking place that you've been in for so long, you risk everything in your life because you risk just staying the same, and that's not what you want. And so you've gotta start to understand that. Like, one of the things that I love about rejection. There was a guy years ago that I saw, and I remember, I love this guy. He's, like, a really shy man. And he was 30 years old. He had just celebrated his 30th birthday, and he had this idea. He spoke with his therapist of something called rejection therapy. And he said, For 100 days, I'm gonna try to be rejected by asking somebody for something outlandish every single day. And so he filmed it. He blogged it back when blogging was, like, a real big thing. And, you know, he did some crazy things.

Like, he.

He would do some crazy things, and then not some super crazy things. Like, I know he asked for a burger refill at a burger joint. So he bought a burger, and then he went back up and he said, hey, I just finished my burger. Can I get a. I just finished my burger. Can I get a burger refill? And they're like, yeah, no, we don't do that. You know, he asked his dog groomer, where he took his dog to cut his hair, like a German shepherd. Like, nah, yeah, we don't really do that. He walked into a random super bowl party with chips, asking if he could join their party, and he got rejected a lot. But what was really crazy for him is he was putting himself out of his comfort zone every single day. But he was so surprised by how many times people said yes. You know, like, he knocked on a random person's door, and there's videos all over the place of this. He knocked on a random person's door and asked if he could just play soccer in their backyard. And the guy's like, yeah, come on in. Like, he didn't have children with him. He was by himself with a soccer ball and just said, hey, can I just play soccer in your backyard? And the guy's like, yeah, go ahead. I don't care, right? He asked the police officer if he could drive his car and pretend to be a cop. And he said, yeah, just go ahead. Go for it. He asked a flight attendant when he was on his flight if he could read the safety announcement, and she said yes. He went into a donut shop and he was like, hey, is it possible that you could take five donuts, like just normal glazed donuts, and you could link them together to look like the Olympic symbol? And then they did it. They colored them. They made literally an Olympic symbol made out of donuts. And then they were like, hey, we'll just give you two of these. Let's give these to you for free. Because that was so much fun, you know, because our job can be boring sometimes, it made it fun for us. They gave him the donuts for free. And he was just blown away by how kind people were. And one thing that he said that I really loved is, when you open up to the world, the world will open up to you. So many times we're so afraid of being rejected that we close ourself off to the world. We close ourself off from all of the amazing opportunities, people, places, things that's out there for us that we could come in contact with and be able to open ourself up to the world. And when we open ourself up to the world, the world will open up to us. When you look at people who look at rejection say, I'm not going to stop. I'm just gonna keep on going. People like CS Lewis, he was rejected 800 times before he got a yes for his first manuscript. Had he given up there, he would wouldn't have never, would have never created the Chronicles of Narnia. And I had to fact check that because I was like, let me make sure. That's a lot of times to be rejected 800 times before he got a yes, ended up finally getting yes. So when we look at the benefits of no, there's a few benefits of getting no. First off, we can use rejection as a feedback mechanism. We can learn how we might need to improve. I remember my very first, back in 2015, my very first podcast, negative review on Apple Podcasts. And I read it and it was some lady, and I remember reading it and she said, for a quote unquote motivational speaker, this guy has one of the most unmotivating voices I've ever heard. And the first thing that popped in my head was, screw her. She doesn't Know what the hell she's talking about. She's not living my life. And I got real pissed, and I took a step back and I was like, huh, Let me think about this for a second, okay? People can't see me on a podcast. They can't, you know, notice my body language and all of that. So if they're just listening to my voice, you know what, Maybe I need to emphasize things a little bit more. Maybe I need to get a little bit better, not just be so monotone. And so my first negative comment pissed me off. And then I looked and I was like, that's actually really good feedback. I should work on that. You know, so there's some very positive feedback that can come in my ear and just go out the other side, right? We all have that.

We hear it.

No positive feedback.

Oh, yeah, no big deal. And then we hear no or we get rejected. And then that's the thing that we kind of stay on, right? And so we can find how we might need to adjust sometimes when we get rejected, when we hear no, when we feel like we're being pushed away from something. We can also use rejections as a chance to reassess our goals and make sure we're on the right path. Okay, I got rejected. Maybe. Let me just see. Is it possible that I'm on the wrong path? Maybe God or the universe or whatever it is, just trying to nudge me into a little bit different of a direction. I'm not gonna change my direction out of fear, but I'm gonna ask myself, is this really what I should be doing? You know, are we really pursuing what matters to us, or are we just chasing after something that doesn't really align with our values and our passions? Are we just going for money, or are we going for our true passion? And so rejections can be a wake up call to make sure that we're not settling for something that doesn't truly make us happy, you know? Another way to turn rejection into a positive is to use it as a motivator. When we're rejected, it can be tempting to give up, to throw in the towel. But instead of giving up, we can use it as fuel to motivate us to work harder, improve ourselves. One of the things that I love doing is I love having a chip on my shoulder. Oh, I didn't get that. Oh, somebody beat me. Oh, I didn't win that award. Oh, I wasn't invited to this thing. Fuck it. I'm gonna make sure that they know who I am, right? It's like the phrase I think of, Steve Martin says, be so good they can't ignore you. Alright, let's see if we can use it that way. Because, you know, rejection can be a tough pill to swallow, but can also be a really great opportunity to learn from our stakes and to come back even stronger. And we can use the rejection to use up a way to build our resilience. You know, when you're in sales, you hear no all of the time. You just start getting used to it after a few years and so you get resilient. That's why sales is such a high paying job, is because so many people are afraid of hearing no. And so when we have setbacks, we have failures, it's really easy to get discouraged and to lose faith in ourselves. But instead of doing that, we can use those rejections and say, you know what? I'm going to use this as a chance to develop my resilience and learn how to bounce back in tough times. And by learning how to handle rejection and the setbacks, we can become more resilient to everything that we do and better equipped to handle challenges that might come to us in the future. And so really what it comes down to is rejection can be looked at as a bad thing. It depends on the lens that you're looking through. Or it could be looked at as a good thing that can actually help us get better. So the next time that you get rejected, don't let it get you down. Use it as a chance to grow. Use it. A chance to learn, to find new opportunities. Remember that with every no, you're just one step closer to a yes. And who knows that yes could be the yes that absolutely changes your life. So don't let rejection hold you back. Embrace it. Embrace. Learn from it and use it as a way to grow and improve. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me obdialjr. R O B D I A L J R and also if you're out there, you love this podcast and you live in the United States or Canada and you want to receive inspirational messages directly to your phone through text messages from me, go ahead and text me right now. 512-580-9305 once again, 512-580-9305 and with that, I'll leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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