Becoming Your TRUE Self

What I think after 20 years of self development is what I'm going to teach you today is the true path to freedom. And we all want freedom in our lives. We want time freedom, we want money freedom. We want freedom from our struggles. But most of us, what we do, and I did this for years, is we seek outside of ourselves to try to become free. We try to become more successful, to become more free. We try to, you know, work on our relationships, become more free. We try to get other people's approval and not have as much judgment to become more free without realizing that the only real true freedom that you can ever get is internal. Because you could become as rich as you possibly can. But if you haven't dealt with the stuff that's dealing that's going on inside of you, you're going to be rich and miserable people, I think, like, oh, I'm going to make money because that's going to solve all my problems. Then they make money and they realize that the only problems that money solves are money problems. They then they're like, well, I'm gonna find someone that I can get into a relationship with and get married and that's gonna solve my problems and I'll feel free. And then they still don't feel free from themselves. And they're like, well, kids must be the next thing that are gonna make me happy. Some have kids and they're happy, but they still don't feel free. And the reason why is because inside didn't actually change our entire life is we are on a path of self realization. And what that means is that we are rediscovering who. Who we truly are as a person. Because I believe that we came into this world as we truly are. I believe that we came into this world absolutely perfect as a human. And somewhere along the way, we lost it through the way we were raised, through being around our parents, being around our siblings, being. And going into school, looking at the media and ads and people saying what's good and what's bad in, you know, psychology shows that children before the age of seven operate largely in theta state in their brain waves, which means that they're basically just absorbing everything as truth. And so this is where our sense of self actually comes from. So we come into the world as the perfect self. And then we build our sense of self from everything that we see, everything that we hear, everyone that we're around, and our sense of self becomes distorted and we lose ourselves. Along the way. Our sense of self is molded by external voices versus like our actual own internal truth. Because not too often is an eight year old going, well, can I operate from my, my internal source of truth? No. They're usually saying, well, my parents, you know, who are basically the gods of my world as a child, are saying this. It must be true. And so really what we need to do is rediscover who we truly are. And that means returning to our true self, the person that we were, that we came into this world before we were told who to be. Because somehow we lost ourselves and picked up guilt and insecurity and fears and embarrassment and beliefs and we lost ourself. And we think these things are the problem, but really they're actually the solution. And these, these painful emotions that we might feel, the things that happen to us in our life and having to relive them to, they're not really the enemy. They're the messengers that are saying, hey, these are the things that we need to work on and improve. And they point us into the exact places where we need to heal ourself, to rediscover more love within ourself, more awareness within ourself, and to really heal the things within us that need to be healed more than anything else. And I've always really been interested in this. I've always been interested in meeting an adult and finding out about their relationship with their mom and their relationship with their dad and how they became friends, who they are. Like, that is the thing that I'm obsessed with in the world is like this person that's in front of me is 37 years old. But how did you become this person that you are? And I'm so interested in it because when I talk with someone who's 37 years old, they tell me about their problems that are happening in their life. And almost every single time I can find and root back that problem to it starting somewhere in childhood. And I've always been so obsessed with it, and I'm even more interested in it now that I have a child. Because children mirror our unconscious beliefs back to us. They're a mirror for us. Like you're raising someone who learns not just your words, but they learn your nervous system, your energy, you know, how you meet life's challenges, what you think of a relationship, what you think love is, you know, how much attachment you have to certain things. And so a child is going to pick that up and mirror it back to you. And you have to understand, like when I look at my son, I'm going, yeah, right now he's perfect. He's come into this world perfect. And he will, no matter how hard I try, he will learn conditionings and programmings, hopefully mostly good ones from myself and my wife. There's going to be what we teach him directly, how we speak to him, but also what he sees us do, how he sees me treat his mother, how he sees me treat people around me, how he sees me treat myself, what he sees us do, how she treats me, what he hears us say to each other, what he hears us say about the world. He's learning the world through us, and he's learning himself through us. And studies in developmental psychology confirm that a child's sense of identity is directly shaped by mirrored reflection of their caregivers. So the stakes are pretty damn high now. And so he's not just learning behavior, he's learning everything that it means to be human, to be worthy, to be loved. And this is something that all of us have gone through at some point in time in our life. We all were zero years old. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. And we were in contact with our parents or other primary caregivers if your parents weren't around. And we learn the world through those people. We learn ourselves through our parents and those people. And this, this early download, all of these downloads become the foundation of our beliefs. And the thing about it is that our beliefs a lot of times are really invisible. It's kind of like the example I always give is like the parable of the two young fish that are swimming through the water, and the older, wiser fish is swimming the opposite direction. He passes them and he looks at the two younger fish and he says, water's nice today, isn't it? And the two fish look at each other after they pass them, and they're like, what's water? Because they're in it. And they've been in it since they were born, so they don't know that it's there. They're just moving through it. And so it's the same thing for us, where it's like you might have downloaded something about the world or something about yourself or fears or limiting beliefs or the way to talk to yourself or think of yourself at a very young age, so young that it just became part of your operating system and it's invisible until you really start to think about it as an adult. And then you bring it to your awareness and start to challenge it without realizing it and without actually going to challenge it. We begin to live out our parents unresolved stories and traumas, and it's not like they meant to give them to us. It's just we learn the world through them. And some of the stuff that I don't want you to think that we just learn bad things from our parents. I always say I don't want you to think I'm always just talking trash about parents. I'm just being honest with you of how you became who you are and how to go back and rediscover your true self. And some of what we learn from our parents is really good. Some of you guys had some amazing parents. You learn what love is and happiness and joy and how to treat people and all of that. And some of the stuff we learn is really great. And then some of the stuff that we learn is not so great. Right? You know, old traumas that they didn't heal, things that they wish that they would have overcome, they never did. You know, you have to understand, no matter how old you are, if you're listening to this podcast right now, therapy and working on yourself and self development wasn't really something people did in our parents years and definitely weren't something that our grandparents did. Not as much as it is now. Like, mental health was not really something people talked about. It was just like, shut up and deal with it. And so it's not their fault that it kind of traveled through generations and got to us. But it's our. If we have it, it's our responsibility to work through it. And so this is the way I like to think about it, right? To give you a image in your mind, because I'm a very visual person. Imagine a river. I always talk about how everyone has their own river in life. And imagine this beautiful river. This is your path in life. This is. This is who you are. This is what you're here to do. This is your true self, this river right here. And nobody can enter this river but you. And imagine that it's perfectly calm, streaming river, beautiful. And that's how we come into this world. Now imagine going up to that river and putting a huge boulder in the water. What happens to that peaceful river? It obstructs the flow, right? It makes the water really rough. It starts to create white waters and rapids. And then imagine putting another boulder in and another boulder. And those boulders are basically the things that are unhealed within us, the things that have been the limiting beliefs and the fears and the operating parts of our operating system that don't really mirror who we truly are and how we came into this world. And, you know, it's something that disturbs the natural peace that we came into this world with. So you have this river. You're just placing these big old boulders that are just making this beautiful water really turbulent, and it disturbs the natural peace of the river. These thoughts and beliefs and fears and worries and anxieties are the things that are disturbing the natural peace that you came into this world with. Understand this. I really want you to understand this. Peace is your natural state. Now, some of you might be like, hold on, mister. Like you don't know what the hell goes on in my head. I have some crazy shit that happens all day in my head. Yeah, I'm here to tell you those are the boulders that we're talking about. Those are the things that you learned along the way that are disturbing your natural peace. If you don't have peace, what needs to be removed? And so what we need to do is we need to understand, like, the river is your true self. It's the way you came into this world. The rocks are the things that you learned along the way that weren't so great, right? And so the fears, the worries, the insecurities, the guilt, the shame, the personality that you've built, the limiting beliefs, the labels that you placed on yourself. And over time, we begin to mistake the rocks for the river. And so we confuse our behavioral adaptations to our childhood with our identity. And we think, well, that's just who I am. That's just. That's just who I am. I'm just an anxious person. I'm just an emotional person. I'm just a sad person. I. I'm just a very angry person. And I'm here to tell you, no, you're not. That's just the stuff you learned along the way. You think that it's you, but it's not really you. And so what I'm saying is there's a peaceful river somewhere in there. We need to remove the rocks. And so we look away from the boulders and we say, oh, well, I need to keep working on myself. And I did this for years. Like, just trust me. I did this for about 15 years of my self development is. I was like, what do I need to improve? I need to learn more. I need to read more books. I need to keep going to the gym, I need to go to more conferences. I need to do this, this, this, this, this. And I kept trying to add more, but it's like, if I build a house next to the river, it's not going to change. The boulders, the path to your true growth, to self Discovery to becoming who you truly are is the removal of. Of the rocks. I honestly spent like 15 years of my self development trying just to add more to myself, to learn more versus looking at myself. And mind you, I did a little bit of this of like, what do I need to change about myself? All of that. But, you know, about five years ago, I really started getting to and going, hey, what do I need to strip away? And we think, and I thought this for years, that transformation is about becoming more. And it's not. I'm here to tell you that transformation is not about becoming more. It's about becoming less of who you are not. And true self development is subtraction, not addition. So it's not, hey, what do I need to add to myself to make myself better? It's what do I need to subtract to myself to make myself better? What do I need to subtract from myself to make myself rediscover and get back to who I truly am, the person that I came into this world as before I got lost, before I got off course because of all the things that I learned from everyone around me. And so the real thing I want you to think about, the real first step in personal growth is acknowledging the boulders and confronting the boulders, not identifying with them, going, hey, that's it. That is a behavioral adaptation. The key word there is adaptation. That means something had to change. It's a behavioral adaptation is what they call in psychology. It means you literally had to change yourself in some sort of way as a child to fit in or to be what your parents wanted you to be or to be what you thought you were supposed to be. So it's not about identifying with them. It's seeing them as they are, which are adaptations. Changing in the self and seeing them as the barrier that is in the way of your greatest self. And I want you to know this because I've worked with a lot of people over years. Looking away from the boulders doesn't make the boulders move. Acting like they're not there. Acting like your fears and your insecurities and your guilt and your anger and your shame and your sadness and your trauma isn't there. Doesn't make it go away. The river still continues to be completely in whitewater. And so you have to understand that you're awakening, Awakening to all of this stuff. This is why they call it awakening. It's because it's like for a lot of our lives, we're kind of in a sleep, a zombie state, a slumber. Then we wake up and we go, oh, my gosh. I'm not who I truly want to be. I'm not who I truly am. I have awoken to all of my things that I need to change. Now it's time to change. So awakening requires the courage to look at what you've spent pretty much a lifetime avoiding. And I want you to understand the avoidance of them and avoiding all those things still is not gonna change your life. Adding more things is not going to change your life. Removal of the blockages. Oh, my God. How much more peace you have, how much your nervous system can calm down. And it's usually not very easy. I'm just going to be honest with you. That's why people try to get away from it. People usually choose the easy path. It's like the phrase, one of my favorite phrases is, the cave that you're afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek. It's not always easy. In fact, it's usually not. And this is why so few people, millions and millions and millions of people work on themselves. There's a lot of people that don't work on themselves at all, but there's many tens of millions or hundreds of millions of people that work on themselves. But very few people experience true transformation because it's not about information. It's about confrontation. Getting face to face, those boulders and going, what do I need to do with them? And so let's take you through a real quick step by step process to show you just exactly how to do this. The first thing that you need to do is you need to admit your problems. You need to admit these boulders, admit the fear or the guilt or the shame or talking shit to yourself, your victim mentality, the negative way that you see the world or the negative way that you see other people, or your jealousy or your judgment, whatever it might be, everything that is in the way of you being your greatest self, you being your true self, that calm river that you actually are. Without the boulders. See them, but don't get caught up in them. It's like watching a movie. If it's a really good movie, you can get caught up in the movie. You can feel something for the character. You can put yourself in the character's shoes and feel what they're feeling. We can get caught up in the thoughts in our heads and the emotions that come from it. But the act of letting go requires that you observe your reactions and your emotions without trying to suppress anything, without trying to force expression. But you just allow yourself to feel whatever you're supposed to feel. Then what you want to do is you relax and release whatever wants to come up, surrendering to your emotions, whether it's sadness, whether it's anger, whatever it is. To become free, you need to feel. And so you need to allow yourself to feel things that you've been pushing under the rug. And so you know the suppressed emotions. Just because you've been pushed them under the rug doesn't mean that they're not there. And neuroscience, what's really interesting about it confirms that when you feel something without resistance, the chemical reaction to that only lasts about 90 seconds in the body. When something happens in your life, you know, something traumatic, usually the chemical reaction lasts about 90 seconds in the body. It's our stories that actually keep that alive. And so when they come up, don't fight them. Allow them to flow through you. What you resist persists. And so by removing the boulders, which is your emotional barriers, we allow yourself to actually start to let the water run free. Our innate energy will flow freely. Your true self will start to come through. You'll just be happier for no reason. You don't need a reason to be happy. Right? I go downstairs and hang out with my son. Unless he's really hungry, really tired, or dirty, he's the happiest person on the earth. Right? And so the process doesn't involve changing the river's course. It's about removing these rocks and letting the river get to its true state and where it was when you first came in here. And it's not as easy as it sounds. Maybe it doesn't sound easy, but it's not. It requires significant personal work, but it's worth it. It brings you closer to a state of peace. You know, just sitting there and meditating is not going to bring you more peace. It'll help you a little bit, but real peace comes from removing all of the stuff that you've been, all of the turmoil that you've been just letting turn your river into whitewater. And long term, it's going to make you way more fulfilled, way more balanced. You're going to feel amazing from doing it. And the end result is not just a better life, it's more aligned life. It's a life where you feel whole. Not because you added more to your life and you have more shit to do and more your to do list of your morning. You know, your personal morning routine and ritual is like 74 things long. No, it's not because you added more. It's because you finally returned home to yourself. And breaking free from your old self is not about becoming somebody new. It's about releasing everything that you weren't meant to carry. Everything that wasn't yours. Everything that was passed on to you. True transformation begins when you stop adding more and you start stripping away the layers of fear and guilt and conditioning that we have that's clouded who you actually are. Because when the rocks are removed, your true self, that calm, peaceful river within flows freely guide you towards peace. You make better decisions. You're happier. You make other people happier just by being around you. You just light other people up because you're more alive inside. And you help other people be more alive inside as well. And so how do you find your true self? Become your true self. Remove everything that is not you. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. YouTube really thinks, based off of all of the stuff that you've been watching recently, the algorithm thinks you should watch this video next. So click that one. 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