DO THIS To Improve Self Esteem (Become More CONFIDENT TODAY!) | Rob Dial

Something that I noticed. As much as I love personal development, it's been the number one thing that's changed my life, and the number one thing that's changed many people's lives that I know is that a lot of people live their lives. Today we're going to be talking about how you are not broken. Yes, you are not broken. No matter what's happened to you in your past, you're not broken. One of the things that I see a lot of in my line of work is I've seen every type of terrible thing that could possibly happen in this world. So many different things. From murders to suicides to abuse to physical, mental, emotional. Every type of sexual abuse, rape, everything that you could think of. All of the terrible things in the world, people have come to me and presented to me, and I've had to try to help them deal with these things. And one of the things that I find is very common throughout traumas is people have the feeling of being broken. They have the feeling of not being good enough. They have the feeling of not being whole. They have the feeling of something being wrong with them. And when I talk about traumas, I don't want you to sit there and go, well, my trauma isn't as big as someone else's. You know, my life was pretty decent. My parents were at least around. Nobody abused me. And I want you to realize this. There is no gauge of how severe a trauma is compared to another one. All trauma in the brain is trauma. And so for you, it might not be that you are, you know, physically, mentally, sexually abused. But maybe your dad never told you that he loved you. Maybe your dad was just working all the time. Maybe your mom was so full of fear that she instilled all of her fear into you. Maybe it was that, you know, whenever you would do something wrong, one of your parents would pull their love away from you and, you know, not give you their love. And that was the way they used you, used to control you. Maybe it was, you know, that you were just neglected emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever it is from people that were around you. There's so many different types of trauma. Maybe it's that you were bullied when you were in school. There's so many different types of trauma. And so I want you to realize this. There's a lot of people that I've heard the worst things in the world, but there's also a lot of people that feel like their lives were not that bad. And so they don't deserve to accept their trauma as Trauma, they can look past it, not realizing that that trauma that they have is still seen as trauma in the brain. And so that's what we're going to dive into today is how to heal the feeling of not being good enough. How to finally feel like you're enough. How to finally feel like you're worthy of love, success, happiness, joy, peace, whatever it is that you truly want in this world. And the thing that I find that's really interesting about the whole thing is that people feel like they're broken. Like I said, they feel like they're not whole. They feel like they're not worthy. They feel like there's something wrong with them. And the interesting thing, and I remember the first time I ever did this, a woman came up to me and she was telling me this story about some terrible things that happened to her in her life. And I had to help her reframe. What she had was thinking about herself. And when she came up and she told me, I won't tell you, but it was some pretty terrible things, and she says, I feel like I'm not whole. And so to help reframe and click her out of her story, I looked at her and I was like, oh, interesting. And I was looking at her legs, I was looking at her arms, I was looking at her and I was like, where? What part of you is missing? And she's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you just told me that you're not whole. What part of you is missing? And she's like, well, no, it's. And as I repeated her story that she was telling herself back to her, she was able to kind of get herself out of the story and realize, wait, I'm telling myself I'm not whole, but there's not a part of me that's missing. There's not a part of me that isn't. It's not like I'm missing a finger, I'm not missing a hand. I'm repeating this story back to myself, which isn't even actually true. But because of the fact I continue to repeat this story, I am accepting it as true. And I'm living my life that way as true as well. And one of my favorite things in the entire world that kind of clicked this all into place was three legged dogs. I love three legged dogs. And the reason why is cause number one, they're cute as shit when they hop around and they hobble all over the place, right? But they're never any less happy than the other dog. They never are. Any slower than the other dog. They never have anything holding them back. They literally have a leg that was chopped off. A quarter of their legs are gone. But they don't see it as not being whole, even though physically, I guess, they aren't whole. Right? So even though they are missing a piece, they don't see themselves as less than any other dogs. They still have the same amount of joy. They still have the same amount of peace. They still have the same amount of spunk and happiness every single day. But that's interesting, because if you think about a dog that loses a leg, somebody can have something happen to them in their life, and they automatically feel like they're not whole, and they accept that pain, that circumstance in their life as true, and they live out that story forever. The only difference is a dog doesn't know how to tell themselves the story of not being whole. You have been able to tell yourself the story of not being whole. And so many humans say, I'm broken. You know, this happened to me in my past. I'm broken. I don't feel like I'm enough. I don't feel like I'm worthy of happiness or success or love or joy or peace. I don't feel like I deserve to make the money that I want to or have the business that I want to. I don't feel like I deserve to have a spouse that loves me fully, unconditionally. And so what happens is we take actions that line up with the way that we view ourselves and our identity and the way that we view the world. And so, you know, someone might have this feeling of, I don't deserve love. And they have this feeling of, I don't deserve love. And so when they get into a relationship with somebody who could be perfect and amazing, they take actions to ruin that relationship, most of the time unconsciously, so that they ruin the relationship. And therefore, that person leaves them, which then lines up with their paradigm of I don't deserve to have love. Because we take actions with the identity that we feel that we have, whether we realize it or not. Most of the time, we don't realize it. And so people think, oh, a part of me was stolen. You know, this thing happened to me in the past. And there's. I get it. There's tons and tons of terrible things that happen to people. And I've heard all of them, and they're fucking hideous. And it's terrible that these people can do things to other people. Like the things that I've heard and the things that I'VE seen people talk about, but they happened. And there's nothing that we can do about something that has happened in the past. The only thing that we can do is we can think about it differently and reframe it so that we can then go on and have the life that we want to. There's either that option or we can accept, you know, oh, yeah, I'm broken. I'm never going to be whole, and it's going to be like that till the day that I die. But if you're listening to this podcast, I'm assuming you're the type of person who wants to grow, you want to improve, you want to get better at everything that you do. And so now what we need to do is we need to reframe the stories that we've been telling ourselves for so long. And that's it. All it really is is it's a story, and it's a fiction story, but you're accepting it as true. And there's a famous quote by a man that says, if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. Do you know who said that? Hitler said that. Hitler said, if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. Some of us are like the Hitlers of our own minds. We're telling ourselves a lie over and over and over and over and over again. But we've been saying it for 10, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years, so long that we believe that we are not whole. We believe that we are not worthy. We believe that we don't deserve love, success, happiness. And so we believe that there's a part of us missing. We believe that we don't deserve to have what we truly want in this world. And nothing can be further from the truth. But you have accepted it as truth only because the fact that you've been saying it for so long. And so the first thing I want you to do is I want you to identify the story that you've been telling yourself. If this hits home with you, if you feel like there's a part of you that doesn't feel like you're enough or doesn't feel like you deserve happiness, success, love, that you're unworthy, that you're not feeling fully capable of everything that you want to do, what is the story that you're telling yourself behind all of that? I want you to identify that right now. And then what I want you to do is I want you to identify how that story is not actually true. For instance, somebody can be emotionally abused and because of that they feel like they're not deserving of love because their parents didn't give them the love that they wanted to. So then you look at that story and you identify the story and then you ask yourself, how is that not true? Well, just because I don't feel like I got the love I needed to for my parents because I was neglected emotionally or physically or whatever it is for my parents, doesn't mean that I'm not, I'm not worthy 100% of love. And what you do is you start to figure out the false pieces of the story that you've been telling yourself and start telling yourself the true and empowering story that you want to. Because you're not broken. There's not a piece of you missing. You know, you are fully whole. You've got all your toes and fingers. Most likely most of the people out here that are listening do have all of your toes and fingers. Some of you guys are missing them. But you are whole exactly the way that you are either way. And it's not that you're broken. It's not that you're unholy, it's not that you're unworthy, it's not that there's something missing. It's that you won't stop repeating a bullshit story to yourself that isn't true. But you keep repeating it over and over and over again. And this episode is to, number one, identify. But then also to make you realize, I know there's a lot of people out there that are now for the first time listening to this and going, oh my God, I have been telling myself a false story my entire life or since that event happened or since that person broke up with me. I have been living a lie. And now I want to step into the truth of who I truly am. If you were to, you know, I'll give you a perfect example. If you were to have a child that was here in front of you, let's say it's a three year old child. And every night, let's not even nighttime, let's say every single day, you tell them about the monsters that hide in the dark. And you tell them the detailed stories about the monsters every single night, every single night, that child will eventually believe it. And guess what's going to happen? That child is going to have trouble sleeping. That trouble is that child's not going to want to sleep alone. They're not going to have the lights off. They're going to be Afraid of something under their bed, they're going to be afraid of something in their closet. All because you made up a story about monsters that are hiding in the dark. How many monsters are hiding in the dark of your mind that you need to identify and get rid of, you need to remove? Because there are no monsters that are hiding in the dark of that child's room. Same way that there are no issues with you. You are not, not worthy of love. You are worthy of everything. You are whole. You are complete. You have nothing missing inside of you. So if you tell a lie to a child, they're going to eventually believe it if you tell enough. If you tell a lie to yourself, you're eventually going to believe it if you tell it enough. And this is something that I noticed. As much as I love personal development, and it's been the number one thing that's changed my life and the number one thing that's changed many people's lives that I know on a very deep level is that a lot of people live their lives very unself aware. They're kind of going through the motions. And as they wake up and become somebody who gets into personal development, they start to notice things that they need to change about themselves, themselves to become better. And when they look at those things that they need to change, they see those things they need to change as problems, as deficits, as ways that they're not good enough. And so instead of feeling like they're normal and they're up with everybody else, they look at all of their deficits when they become self aware and they see themselves as less than everybody else because of all of the things that make them, you know, not normal like everyone else. So they think, oh, yeah, I feel like I'm not worthy, so therefore I'm less than everybody else. I'm not waking up when I want to, so therefore I'm less than everybody else. And they put themselves mentally below everybody else. And so the personal development journey now doesn't become a journey of becoming better. It becomes a journey of just trying to get to normal. And that's not motivating. Nobody wants to just get to normal. But when you realize that everybody that you know has something that they're dealing with, successful people, unsuccessful people, people that you love, everybody has something that you're dealing with. You realize that you're on the same playing field. There is no difference. And to have quote, unquote, because lack of better words issues makes you normal, not less than it makes you normal. And so therefore, when you Overcome these little tiny things that are holding you back. And you notice I need to wake up earlier, I need to have a morning routine. I need to meditate, I need to eat healthier, I need to work out more. When you notice these things, that's when you actually start to become better. And so, just to let you know, a lot of people who get into personal development do have those feelings of, something's wrong with me. As they start to see things, they need to change about themselves. And I want you to be very aware, there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing that you need to try to avoid. There is nothing that you need to stay away from. And all of these things that you might think are the monsters that are in your closet that make you less than you are, not less than just want to let you know on the personal development journey, I see that happen all the time. So you're normal. Exactly where that you are. If you've been mentally, physically, sexually abused, you're normal. If you've been neglected, you're normal. If you've been unloved, you're normal. If you don't feel like you're good enough, you're normal. If you don't feel like you deserve money and success and happiness and joy and peace, you are normal. Everybody has somewhat of that different. It's all the same. It's all ice cream. It's just different flavors. We all have some ice cream. That's what I want you to know. So now that we've identified these things, how do we get past it? How do we work to become better? Not to become normal, not starting from a deficit to become normal, but to become better. The first thing that I'll say is this, and this is the hardest for a lot of people is to talk to someone. Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist. It can be a therapist. It could be a coach, it could be a life coach, it could be your fitness coach, could be anybody. It could be your best friend, could be your spouse. Talk to somebody. Why? Because most people, the thing that they're most afraid, the thing that's really holding them back the most, is the thing that they're most afraid to talk about. And shame breeds in the dark. When you bring it to light, it no longer has power over you. And the more that you're able to talk about it, the less you're gonna stop crying, the less you'll cry, and the less that it's going to have its power over you. And eventually this thing that has Its power over you. The more that you speak about it, you gain your power over it, and it becomes your superpower. I can't tell you how many people I know that have been mentally, physically, sexually abused. And it's in the dark. They don't tell anybody because they're so afraid of being judged. And all of these demons that they, quote, unquote, demons that they have that are hiding in the dark, and when they bring them to light, that becomes their superpower because they're finally able to be open, honest, and vulnerable. And people see them as courageous by doing so. And so what I want you to realize is talk to somebody. Shame breeds in the dark. But if you put light on that thing, it will make you so much better. One of the biggest things for me is this podcast. When I first started this podcast, I had never talked to people about my father being an alcoholic. I was super embarrassed of him when I was a child. I didn't tell anybody when my dad passed away, I went to school four days later after the funeral, didn't tell anybody, didn't even tell my best friends because I was just so. There was so much shame around my father when I was a child. For me, that was the story that I was telling myself when I started this podcast. I wanted to be completely open, honest, vulnerable, authentic. Show all of my shit to everybody to make them realize that it's safe to show all of your shit. And what I've come to realize is that the most therapeutic and the most cathartic thing I've ever done was talk about those things in this podcast. Because what had its power over me, I was able to talk about it and then gained my power and became one of my superpowers to be able to be vulnerable and authentic. And we're afraid that if we're vulnerable, people are going to see us as weak. But nobody will see you weak. When you're vulnerable, everybody will look at you and see your vulnerability as courage, because everybody wants to figure out a way to get their. Their skeletons out of the closet and be able to speak about it. So you think that by speaking about the things that are really tough make you weak, but that vulnerability people actually see as courageous, and they think, man, I wish that I could do what he's doing. I wish that I could do what she's doing. So the first thing is to talk to somebody about the things that you feel are, quote, unquote, not right with you or broken about you, unworthy about you. The second thing is, is to tell yourself A new story. So you've identified the story you've been telling yourself. Now it's time to reframe and to change that story so that it doesn't have power over you anymore. You know, stop telling the old one. When you notice that the old one comes back up and you're telling yourself again, click yourself out of it in the moment and go, okay, hold on. I got to tell myself my new story over and over and over again. And you repeat it all day. And the more that you tell yourself the new story, the more that you're going to start to believe it and the less you're going to start to believe the other one. Okay, number three, accept it. Whatever happened to you in the past, no matter how bad it was, and I know there's some people out there that were listening that have had some terrible things happen to them in the past. I know some people that are out there listening have had some decently bad things happen to you in your past. Some traumatic things, some. Some things happen. Bullying, and it might not seem severe to you, but whatever it is, whatever scale you want to put it on, which is not what the brain puts it on, it's what us humans like to put some sort of scalar degrees of trauma on them, accept them. They happened. There's literally nothing that you can do about that right now. You can't go back and change what has happened to you. The only thing that you can do is you can change the way that you feel about it, the story that you're telling yourself, and reframe it as way that we're saying it. So number three is you have to fully 100% accept it. If I were still sitting here wishing that my father were alive and wanting to change that story, it would make me anxious, it would make me sad, it would make me frustrated. It would make me feel all the negative emotions that come with wanting to change the past. And that's something that I can ever do. Number four, this can be a hard one. Everybody, you need to forgive, okay? Forgive whatever it is, forgive the person that did the thing, or forgive yourself, whatever it is. And most people are like, I don't want to forgive that person for that terrible thing that they did to me because it wasn't right. By forgiving, you're not saying that it's right. By forgiving, you're actually relieving yourself from the attachment to that thing that's been holding you back. Forgiveness is never for that person. I don't need you to call them and forgive them. I need you to forgive them energetically and mentally and release it. Because that's when you gain your power back. Forgiveness is never for the other person. Forgiveness is always for you. So you can release it and you can move on. So that's number four. And number five is to realize that you're not broken. You're not. You're whole. You're fully whole. You're normal. We've all been through some shit. We've all been through stuff we didn't want to. There's a pretty good chance that sometime in the rest of our lives we're going to have to go through something else that we don't want to. But you have to realize that you're not broken your whole the way that you are. There's power in going back and taking your message mess and turning into your message. And there's power in taking your power back and saying, I'm going to make this something that's not going to hold me back anymore, but it's going to propel me. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. If you want to learn even more about mastering your mind, click right here and watch this video as well. The main reason why it's so hard to let go is because we think that it should have gone a different way than it did.