How To Have More Self Love | The Mindset Mentor Podcast

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. Today we're going to be talking about self love. We're going to talk about how to love yourself more. We're going to talk about how to change your negative self talk. I hear this so often. I hear so many people saying, I talk negatively to myself. I'm my worst critic. I guilt myself, I shame myself. I'm so bad to myself. And so what I want to talk about is it seems like self love can be so. I'm like £15 in the past six months and your job kind of sucks. And you're also not that smart. And really, you're not the most lovable and you just go off on your. Would you do that to your friend if they were going through that? No. Of course you'd support her, you'd make her feel good. But if something like that happens to you, you talk negatively to yourself. Why? What do you say when you look in the mirror? What do you say to yourself? Do you look in the mirror and you're like, oh, you're looking older, you got a gray hair, you're getting a little fat, you got some acne, you're getting pudgy, look at that muffin top. Why don't you get your fat ass to the gym? Like, do you say that type of stuff to yourself? Because that ain't helping, I'm telling you. I promise you that. Or do you look at yourself and you're like, you know what? You're doing your best, you're getting better, you've been reading, you've been going to the gym a little bit more, you've been eating a little bit healthier, and for that, I'm proud of you. Do you talk to yourself that way or the other way? Do you compare yourself to other people? Comparison's a thief of all joy. Don't compare your body to someone on Instagram that could basically be changing their body around through Photoshop. You know, like, I always see my. My wife always shows me that she'll. Someone will pop up on her Instagram and it'll be this real skinny woman, her arms are down at her side. And you guys know if you've seen this before, and then like, their elbows look like they're huge because they're actually pulling in their stomach. And when they pull in their stomach, their elbows in the picture pull in with it. So look like they're kind of like, like a fake arms, right? There's people that you could be looking on, on Instagram and comparing yourself to someone, but you don't realize they're fully photoshopping themselves. Or, you know, you just started your fitness journey and they've been on their fitness journey for 16 years, you know, and you tell yourself, oh, you're just fat. You're, you know, you, you, you don't look anywhere near as good as them. You're not gonna be as good as them, right? You can't compare yourself to other people who are either further along the journey than you or who are photoshopping themselves. Comparison to the thief of all joy. But you talk trash to yourself because you procrastinated and now you're comparing yourself to, you know, someone who looks better than you in a bikini or who looks, has more of a six pack than you. Or you're comparing yourself to your friend who just bought that massive house, the friend that from high school you haven't seen in a long time. Or you're pissed because you're driving a, you know, 20 year old Kia and you know, you're thinking about the 18 year old Bitcoin millionaire that just put up pictures on Instagram of his new Lamborghini. And you're comparing yourself and you're talking trash to yourself. You're comparing yourself, you're talking trash to yourself. Here's the thing that you have to realize. Where you are is where you are. That's a fact. There's nothing that you could change about where you currently are in this moment. The only thing that you can change is from here forward. I do know one fact. It will be harder to motivate yourself to go to the gym. It'll be harder to motivate yourself to stop procrastinating and to work harder to create the life that you want. If you feel like shit. And guess what? Talking trash to yourself does. It makes you feel like shit. So if you're trying to create the life that you want, but you're too busy talking shit to yourself, you're too busy guilting yourself, shaming yourself, telling yourself how you're not good enough, all of that, it's gonna be even harder to make a change. How do you feel when you see someone you haven't seen in a while, maybe six months, and they're like, oh my God, you look so much better, you look great, or you've lost some weight, look at how well you're doing. I'm so proud of you. They tell you how much they love you. They tell you that you're doing so much good in the world that they're proud of, all the things that you overcome, and they actually tell you from, like, a real place of love, and you can feel that they're telling you from a place of love. How does that make you feel? It should feel great, doesn't it? If it actually sinks in and you can let yourself accept a compliment, it feels great, right? Imagine if you had that person all day, every day, in your head. Imagine what you could be if you just had that person in your side. Imagine if you could talk to yourself the same way that that person talks to you. If you could turn from your biggest critic to your biggest fan. You've got to learn to be your biggest fan. You've got to notice when you're not saying the things that you should say to yourself, which is in and of itself another thing, because you actually have to become aware of what you're saying to yourself. You become aware of, oh, my gosh, what did I just say? Why did I just say that to myself? That was so terrible. I'm gonna take that one negative thing I just said to myself. I'm gonna look in the mirror. I'm gonna look myself in the eye. I'm gonna say three positive things, because you're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. You're either your biggest fan or your biggest critic. I know one of my things I used to do when I would give speeches, I don't give a whole lot of speeches anymore. It's not really something that I do a whole lot of. But I used to go, and I would give speeches, and I would be in groups of people, and I would say, okay, you have 60 seconds. We're gonna have a competition. I want you to write down all of the negative things about yourself, all of the things that you hate about yourself, the things that you wish were different. Make a list. We're going to have a competition. 60 seconds. Ready, set, go. And people would just write, and they'd be. You know, it was just like hardcore people would be writing. They'd have these massive lists. At the end of 60 seconds, they'd have like, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 things that they don't like about themselves that they want to change. They're pissed off about themselves, they hate about themselves, whatever it might be. They'd have this massive list. I'd say, okay, now we're gonna flip it. You have 60 seconds. Write down everything that you love about yourself. Go. And people would be like. And it was like. It was so interesting because you can realize people had like 60 things that they hate about themselves in 60 seconds and like three things they love about themselves. And you realize the reason why it's so hard to think of things they love about themselves is because they don't think about those things often, but they do think about all the things they hate about themselves. They do say all of those things themselves every single day. And so we're so used to thinking about what we don't want, what we want to change what we hate, which I do think is naturally part of the human condition, is because, you know, if we look at the fact that 2 million years ago we don't have food right now we're going to look at the negative thing to try to overcome it. And we're not gonna look at like, oh, well, you know, I feel good in my cavemen loincloth, right? Like, we're not gonna do that. But nowadays we have food, water, shelter, clothing, all of that stuff. But our brain still inherently goes to negative. We have to actually push ourself to be more positive because you get what you focus on. And if you focus on all of the shit, I promise you this, you're going to get more shit. Your input in your brain will equal the output. Like, it drives me crazy how many people think that they could just be negative themselves, talk, trash themself, all of this, and just think they're magically going to create a positive life, create a beautiful life. No, it's like what you put in is what you'll get out. If you walk up to a garden, you plant strawberry seeds, you know that you're not going to get tomatoes that are going to grow. Same thing that if you plant negative seeds in your mind, you will get more negative things. You will get the fruit that you bear. Like, you will bear the fruit that you put in there. Like, it's just the way that it goes. If you focus on shit, you're gonna get more shit. So if you start to think about this, why don't you start focusing on everything that you do love about yourself? I used to have people do this as well when they become brand new clients of mine because so many people were so negative and it was driving me crazy. Is I would say, okay, here's one of your assignments for this week. I want you to create, like an awesome list. I want you to create every single little teeny tiny thing that you love about yourself and every little achievement that you've had. If you got fourth place in a third grade spelling bee, I want you to write that you Got fourth place in a third grade spelling bee. Whatever it is that you've done, I want you to create an awesome list. This. This list of makes you. That makes you an awesome person. And people would come back and they'd be like, I didn't think I could come up with a hundred things, but I somehow came up with a hundred things. I said yes. Did it take you time? Oh, it took me so much time. Of course it did. Why? Because you're never focusing on what you're doing well. You're always focusing on what you're not doing well. And so you have to realize if you want to create the life that you want to, if you want to get past your fears, your limiting beliefs, create the life that you want, all of those things, you have to start focusing on what is it you love about yourself. You have to start being your biggest fan. It's so much easier to take action when you feel good. And when you feel good, it usually comes from the way that you speak. Speak to yourself now, will you be perfect 100% in every single thought that you have? Absolutely not. And I don't intend to ever be perfect in my thoughts. But I do know that when a negative thought pops up, I like to replace it with a. A positive thought, three positive thoughts. When you have those ants, automatic negative thoughts that pop up, can you replace them with three positive things? When you notice yourself saying shit to yourself in your head, can you immediately replace it? And what you notice is as you start doing this, you become more mindful of what is that you say, Become more mindful of all of this. I remember hearing Peter Attia was talking about this on a podcast, and he was saying for the first 47 years of his life, like, he was a militant. He was so, so hard on himself. And the stuff that he would say, and he would scream it out loud to himself sometimes as well, was so hard that he was like, I can't keep doing this. I've got to stop. And he went to a place. Psychologists were like, yeah, we can help you. We could help you get through it. And he's like, I don't honestly think that you can. I've been talking to myself this way for 47 years. I don't think it's going to take. It's going to take another 40 years to change me. And they go, okay, well, just do exactly what I say and we'll help you change yourself. So his therapist, whenever he would start to notice himself, talk negatively to himself. Whenever you notice yourself, talk negatively to yourself about this thing, this thing that you messed up on. What I want you to do is I want you to record a voice message and imagine that you're talking to your best friend. So he has a best friend. And he said, I want you to imagine your best friend calls you and says, hey, this is the thing that I just screwed up on. I need some help. I need you to tell me how to get out of it. I need you to tell me, you know, I need you to make me feel better. And the psychologist said, what would you say to your friend? I want you to record that in a voicemail. And so what happened was he would record it and he would pretend that he's talking to his friend every single time, that he would, quote, unquote, screw up or do something wrong. And he would pretend that he was talking to his friend to make his friend feel better about the thing that he screwed up with. And then he had to hit send, and he had to send it to his psychologist. And he's like, man, I felt so bad. It was like seven voice notes, ten voice notes a day. And I was sending it and sending it and sending it and sending and sending it. And then over time, I realized that I wasn't sending as many. And it literally took 47 years of negatively talking to himself. It took four months to rewire that out of himself. Because what happened was he started getting into the repetition of. Instead of talking negatively to himself and then recording the voice message and pretend he's talking to his best friend and sending to a psychologist, he started noticing the negative self talk and stopping it in the middle and then replacing with a positive self talk. So it's not something that just goes away immediately. But if he can change 47 years in four months, do you think that you could probably change in the next couple months? You can. You've just got to be aware of the thoughts and you've got to learn a way to replace it and speak to yourself the same way that you speak to someone that you love. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me obdialjr. Rob, dial J R. I'm going to be honest with you. I love seeing every single time this podcast is shared. I always check my Instagram stories and where I've been tagged and all the mentions and all that stuff. And I greatly, greatly appreciate you all for always sharing this podcast. It helps us grow more than you know. And with that I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.