How To Stop Catastrophizing | The Mindset Mentor Podcast

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want some extra podcasts in your life, you can also follow us on YouTube. Just put Robdial R O B D I A L in YouTube. We have a ton of stuff that we put on there, this podcast, but also some extra lessons as well that are shorter and more in depth in this podcast if you want to follow us on there on YouTube. So today we're gonna be diving into something called catastrophizing. And I'm gonna teach you how to stop catastrophizing. We're gonna talk about how all of us, in some sort of way, end up distorting our reality by our perception and seeing things through a lens, and that actually changes our reality, and we end up holding ourselves back. I always say that you don't really see what you see. You see what you're looking for. And so if you're looking for ways that things are gonna end up terrible, you're always gonna find ways that things are gonna end up terrible. If you're looking for all of the negative in life, you're gonna find all of the negative in life. If you're looking for all the positive in life, you're gonna find all the positive in life. And the goal really here is to identify where you might be doing this in your life and then give you some tools so that you can get yourself out of it when you notice yourself catastrophizing. So therefore, you no longer hold yourself back. So with catastrophizing, what does that mean exactly? It means that you fixate on the worst possible outcome with something that you do. We all do this in some way. People who tend to have anxiety or depression end up doing this a whole lot more than the average person does. But we all do it in some sort of way. And if we, you know, think of it this way. Like an example would be if you're in school and you think to yourself, oh, my gosh, there's this test I'm studying for. If I don't pass this test, then, you know, I could be a complete failure in life. And that doesn't really make sense. But when you start to go down the chain of thoughts that happen, it's more like, if I don't pass this test, I'm gonna fail this class. If I fail this Class, I'm gonna fail out of school. If I fail out of school, I'm gonna be a complete failure in life. And so therefore, if I don't pass this test equals I'm gonna be a complete failure in life. And so there's all of this anxiety around a test, and it automatically goes to being a complete failure. And so another example would be, you think to yourself, you get into a fight with your girlfriend or your significant other, and then you get into a fight with her or him, and then you think, I'm going to be alone forever. Now, those two things don't really make sense. But when you start to go through the chain of thinking that we go down, you're like, oh, I can see how we get there. Because it starts with, you get into a fight with your significant other. Then it goes into, she's gonna leave me. And then it goes into, if she leaves me, I'll be destroyed. And if I'm destroyed because she left me, I'll never be able to trust again. And if I'm never able to trust again, I will be alone forever. And the anxiety turns into fight or flight. And it goes from getting into a fight to thinking that you'll be alone forever. And psychologists also call catastrophizing magnifying. And so you're actually magnifying the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen, when in reality, it's really not something that ends up being that bad most of the time. And if we can become aware of our thought process, we can actually start to reverse and get ourself out of this thought process. And so, like I said, psychologists call it magnifying is you're taking something small and you're turning into something massive. You're taking an anthill, and you're making a mountain out of it. And so then it brings up the question of, why do we do this? Why do we catastrophize? Well, we think in our minds. And if I'm being honest with you, this is kind of in the subconscious. We think that it's actually serving us to catastrophize. But really what it ends up being is something that psychologists call a cognitive dysfunction. So it's actually a dysfunction. It's a dysfunctional function in our life is really what it is. And so we think to ourselves, I need to catastrophize. This is all subconscious. I catastrophize so that I can protect myself, right? If my girlfriend leaves me, then I won't be as let down because I was expecting this, right? Have you ever done this before where you make the worst possible outcome so that therefore if something else happens or something a little bit less then that happens, you get into a fight, she does leave you, you're like, oh, well, you know, I was expecting this. Or if I fail this test, I won't be as surprised or I won't be as let down because the whole time I knew this was gonna happen anyways. And really what it does is it justifies us not taking the right action or even trying sometimes to do something that we want so we don't become let down. And so we're trying to justify not doing the things that we know we should do because I'm going to be let down anyways. In the short term, it ends up feeling better, like we feel better in the short term. But when you extend this and you look at the long term consequences of catastrophizing, it ends up being really terrible. Short term feels good. Long term, it ends up being terrible for us. You, you know, because then you, you don't open yourself up to all of the things that you could do and all that life has for you. So an idea, an example of what this will look like is you don't start a business because you think you're gonna fail, right? So you're thinking of starting a business, it excites you. You have a product or a service that excites you. And then you start catastrophizing of what if it fails? What if I end up homeless? What if I can't feed my children? And so in turn, you don't start the business and to use it as a form of self protection, but what you're really trying to do is you're trying to avoid failure. And you will avoid failure in the short term, which makes you feel better. But in the long term, you will never be successful in whether in whatever it is that you want to be successful in. So in the short term you avoid failure. But in the long term, if you're avoiding failure, you're never actually going to become successful. So you won't feel failure, but you also won't feel successful. And so another example of this would be you don't ask somebody out because you're afraid. And the reason why you don't want to ask somebody out is because in the short term you won't be rejected. So it's like, okay, I can protect myself in this moment, I can protect myself today. But if you never put yourself out there and allow yourself to ask somebody out, you'll never actually overcome it and you'll never be in a relationship. And so if you don't put yourself out there and allow yourself to possibly be rejected in the short term, you could be alone. And if you are alone and you're catastrophizing, you could be alone forever. And so catastrophizing at its core is the brain's attempt to avoid feeling. Feeling something, feeling let down, feeling failure, feeling lack of worthiness, feeling not good enough. And so what it does is your brain will imagine the worst to attempt to avoid some sort of quote unquote negative feeling or feeling that we would associate with a negative on the spectrum of feelings of a negative feeling, right? So something happens. Way that it looks like something happens. Fight with girlfriend, right? And then there's something called a thinking error that happens. So there's an event and then we think about it in an incorrect way, which would be the thinking error. And that's okay. We were in a fight. And the immediate thinking error is she's gonna leave you, you're gonna be alone forever, right? We've all done this in some sort of way in relationships. We get into a fight and we're like, they're definitely breaking up with me. And then you have a conversation with em 30 minutes later and it's like everything's back to normal. And you're like, well that doesn't make any sense. They didn't end up leaving me. And you realize that you were catastrophizing the whole time. So the best way to help yourself through is catastrophizing. The first thing is what I always say is, my thing that I think everybody in the world needs is more self awareness is you have to develop awareness around your thoughts. Because if you're feeling like somebody's going to leave you, or you're feeling like you're afraid of failure or you're feeling something. To create a feeling, there is always a thought that precedes the feeling. So if you feel anxious, sad, depressed, whatever it is, take a step back and go, okay, how am I feeling in my body right now? Okay, I'm feeling xyz. What was the thought process that got me here? And then what you do is you actually start to go through your thought process and I'll show you how to do this. You go through your thought process and test it to see its validity, to see if it does hold any weight. And usually we think that if we imagine the worst, we can prevent the worst. And so that's another thing is I'm protecting myself. I'm imagining the worst possible scenario. So therefore I can protect, right? So I know people who, who have parents that are just like, they catastrophize all day long and they think that by catastrophizing they are actually helping their children or helping themselves to get their children to not put themselves in danger or risk of being hurt or injured in some sort of way. And what happens though, is really interesting. If we, we think, we think to ourselves that if we imagine the worst, we can prevent it. But actually what's crazy about catastrophizing is the exact opposite is true. Usually if we imagine the worst, we actually start to create worse circumstances. We attract what we're thinking about. And this isn't like me being woo woo and talking about the law of attraction, which I do believe in, but this is actually talking about whatever you focus on, you will create in your reality. If we imagine the worst, we're not protecting ourself from the worst, we actually start to create worse circumstances. And I can tell you this because researchers have actually found that catastrophizing worsens both your mental and physical outcomes of what it is that you are catastrophizing. So it makes this situation worse. So for instance, if we go back to the example of getting into a fight with a girlfriend, right? You get into a fight with your girlfriend, you think she's gonna leave you, you think you're gonna be alone forever if you go down that route. Well, then when both of you calm down, what happens is if you're thinking, she might leave me, she might leave me, I don't know, something's wrong here, you're going to react differently to her, you're going to close off to her, and if you close off to her in turn, you actually start to distance yourself from her in the relationship. And if that goes long enough, she might actually leave you. So the thing that you're afraid of, you're not avoiding, you're actually creating if you do that. And so we imagine if we think about the worst, we're gonna be safer from that. But we actually start to create it. We actually invite in the thing that we're most afraid of, if that's the thing that we're focusing on. In other words, you will eventually make the situation ultimately worse than it originally is and originally was. So seeing the worst in anything actually invites the worst. We usually invite in exactly what we're trying to avoid. And so another example of this would be something like chronic pain, right? If somebody has chronic pain, and they start to think to themselves, I'm injured, I'm injured, I'm injured. Well, this actually happened to me just so you know, and I can give you a real example. So years ago, When I was 27, I was working out really hard. I was in the best shape I'd ever been, but I was, like, lifting really, really heavy, and I hurt both of my shoulders and both of my hips. And so I went to a physical therapist, and the physical therapist said, oh, yeah, you have. You definitely have some hip damage and some shoulder damage. What we should do is we should give you an mri. So we went. We got an mri and both of my shoulders and both of my hips, all four of my. My. My labrum were torn. And I had torn labrum in each shoulder and each hip. And they're like, I've never seen this before. And we need to actually get you to stop working out so much so that we can start to heal your body. And so what happened was really wild. So I stopped working out, and I started developing the mindset of somebody who was injured. I started thinking about being injured. I started telling people I was injured. I stopped working out. I lost, like, 15 pounds of muscle. And then over time, it got worse, and it got worse, and it got worse, and it got worse, and it got worse. Eventually, the physical therapist that I went to was like, hey, Rob, you might have to get surgery. We're going to send you to some surgeons, and they're going to. They're going to take a look at you. Sends me to two different surgeons. Both of the surgeons said, yeah, you're absolutely going to have to have surgery because of these torn labrum. We have to fix them. Might even swear to God, real, real thing. 27 years old. We might even have to replace your hips at 27. So I call up my uncle, who happens to be a really, really good physical therapist, and he's like, this is exact words. He goes, this is bullshit. His. He goes, send me your workouts that the physical therapist is doing for you. We go through this whole thing, and he's like, the physical therapist told you to stop working out. He goes, that's the worst thing that he could have done, because when you work out, you get endorphins, and endorphins are natural painkillers. So what happened was I listened to the therapist, the physical therapist, and because I took his. Which, you know, someone in a white coat telling me, as a doctor, exactly what I'm supposed to do actually made me worse then I went to my uncle who lived in Florida, I live in Texas. And he's like, no, you need to do this, and you need to start doing some functional workouts. So I started doing functional workouts, and I started regaining my strength. And to this day, now, almost 10 years later, I've never had to have surgery and everything's back to normal. But what happened was I actually started thinking that I was injured. And with me thinking I was injured, I stopped taking the correct action to heal myself. And when I stopped trying to heal myself and make myself better and I took on the identity of somebody who had injuries, it started getting worse. And it started getting worse, and it started getting worse. And so what happened was the catastrophizing actually happened for me. I'm injured. Oh, my God, I'm gonna need surgery. Oh, my God, I'm injured. I'm under surgery. Oh, my God, I'm injured. I'm gonna need surgery. And eventually I go and they tell me I need surgery. When I flip my mindset to, I'm somebody who's healing, I'm going to fix this. I ended up fixing it and not needing any surgery. You know, this also happens with people who are misdiagnosed with things like, for instance, ADHD. When you look at people who are misdiagnosed with ADHD or they're misdiagnosed with depression, over 60% of people who are diagnosed with depression, over 60% are misdiagnosed with depression. So if someone goes to a doctor and they say, oh, they ask him questions for three or four minutes, yes, you're depressed, take all this medication, somebody takes that identity as somebody who is, quote, unquote, depressed. And this is not saying that there's not depressed people absolutely are. And sometimes medication is necessary for some people, but also sometimes it's good to go and get a second opinion. And so if we take the example of adhd, right? What happens is we could say, oh, I have adhd. And it becomes my story, and it becomes the truth to me. And then I go, you know what? I really want to build a business, but I can't build a business because I can't focus. I have adhd. Oh, I really need to get a job. But, you know, I got this job, and I can't even focus on the job I have now because I have adhd, and that becomes my story. I actually make my circumstances worse because of the story I take onto myself. FYI, Just did some stats and looked it up online just to kind of be sure before I said this. But as far as ADHD diagnosis, they've gone up 30% in the past eight years. And studies have found that at least 20% of people who are diagnosed with ADHD are misdiagnosed, and only 4.4% of adults actually have ADHD. Another thing that's crazy that you don't hear in the news as well, and there's neurologists that have found this, is that people with ADHD don't have problems. They don't have problems focusing. They have problems focusing on things that they don't enjoy. Someone who has ADHD that finds something that they enjoy actually has better focus than someone who doesn't have adhd. And so we can start to think about this and say, okay, well, if I do actually truly have adhd, instead of seeing it as a deficit, how can I see it as a superpower when I find something that I'm truly interested in? And so really what it comes onto is, how can I use this? And instead of catastrophizing whatever the circumstance might be, how can I use this for my benefit? And so what happens is we can ask ourselves, and the way that we become very aware of this is we ask ourself, am I imagining the worst? I get into a fight with my girlfriend. Am I imagining the worst? Yeah, I'm imagining I'm gonna be alone forever. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense from just to fight with my girlfriend. I fail a test. Am I imagining the worst? Yeah, I'm imagining I'm gonna be a failure the rest of my life just because I failed a test. And we become aware, am I imagining the worst? And if I'm going to imagine the worst and I become aware, yes, I am imagining the worst, then what I need to do is I also need to force myself to imagine the best. What's the best? If I've looked at the worst thing that could happen? Let's play the game of what's the best thing that could happen? Cause usually life doesn't end up being the worst that you can imagine. It doesn't end up being the best that you imagine. Usually it ends up somewhere in the middle, right? So an example of this would be something like, someone has social anxiety and they want to go to the mall, and they imagine, oh, my God, if I go to the mall, though, what if I have a panic attack? And if I have a panic attack in the middle of the mall, what if I have this breakdown and everybody starts to look at me and everybody makes fun of me. And I would feel so embarrassed. And they can feel the feeling right now in this moment at their house of how embarrassed they would be if they actually went through that. And so they're like, you know what? I'm not gonna do it. It's just easier to stay home. I'm gonna stay home. And over time, this develops into a pattern, and they end up never leaving the house. Sometimes this can happen. And so if I'm going to imagine, okay, that is the worst possible thing that could happen. And I'm aware. Cause I don't feel very good. I'm aware that I'm not thinking the thoughts that I want to. I'm gonna also have to force myself to imagine the best thing could happen and see how I feel that way. Okay, let's say I go to the mall and everything's great. And I, you know, if I do start to feel my anxiety, I can breathe through it. I can calm myself. I can remind myself that I'm safe. I have breathing exercises to help me out. And I go in there and I buy what I want. And after I buy the thing that I need to get, I'm gonna see a friend. And what if I see a friend I haven't seen in a while? And we go to coffee and we have coffee and we talk and we catch up, and I have this amazing day, and I come home with what I need, and I come home with feeling great about reconnecting with a friend. Either way, the future is uncertain. The future will always be uncertain, and we have to accept the uncertainty. But you have to focus more on what you want versus what you don't want. A lot of times when we catastrophize, not a lot of time. Every time, basically, when we catastrophize, we're thinking about the things that we do not want to happen. When in reality, when you become aware and start thinking about the things that we do want to happen. You know, there's a great example where I saw somebody, a psychologist, bring people on stage, and he had two separate chairs. And one of them was the don't want chair. And one of them was the want chair. He said, okay, go ahead and sit in the don't want chair. Somebody would sit there and he'd say, tell me all the things that you don't want in your life. Oh, I don't want this. I don't want to be broke. I don't want to be homeless. I don't want to be this. I don't be this, this, this. This, this. And they can go on a laundry list. They say, okay, cool. Now I need you to switch chairs and go to the want chair, which is on the other side of the stage. Tell me all of the things that you want. Okay, well, I want to have a mansion, and I want to be happy, and I want to be rich, and I want to travel, but I don't want to do this. And, you know, I don't want to be at this job anymore, so maybe I have a job that I do like. And then they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. We're in the want chair. We're not in the don't want chair. You got to stop timing what you don't want. And a lot of times people, even when they are talking about what they want, they transition and start talking about what they don't want. And so we have to start reminding ourselves that our brain is inherently negative most of the time. And sometimes we need to catch ourselves in the middle of that negativity and move ourself back to what we need to talk about. It's the example of when you. When you go through motorcycle training, you're learning how to ride a motorcycle. They say, as you're on a turn, don't look at where you are. You have to look at where you're going. You have to look through the turn, because if you look at where you are, you're probably going to crash into wherever you are. But if you're looking at where you're going, you will eventually go there. And so how do we take catastrophizing and remember, next time we feel this way, next time you feel this way, how do you get yourself out of it and change your state? Change your thinking, but also change your mental and physical state. Number one is the awareness. You have to become aware of your feeling. And if you're feeling bad, you're usually thinking something you don't want to be thinking. So go back and ask yourself, number two, what am I thinking? Right. So number one is the awareness. What am I thinking? Number two. Sorry, the awareness of just how I feel in this moment, getting myself out of it. Number two is, what is the thinking that I'm the pattern that I'm stuck in? And to actually challenge that thinking, to see if that thinking is true. So we have to learn to challenge our own thoughts. Number three, what we need to do is we need to start imagining the best if we're noticing that we're imagining the worst. And number four is we have to learn to Start accepting the uncertainty. Usually accepting the uncertainty doesn't come with massive steps that we take in our life. Usually it's little tiny steps. So if we go to the extreme of extreme social anxiety and we go back to that example of the mall, I'm not going to say that that person needs to just run straight out of their house and go straight to the mall. Maybe the social anxiety is just getting outside, getting to the car, and asking myself, am I safe? Okay, I am cool. Now let me drive to the mall. And the whole way there, I am safe. I am safe. I get to the mall, how do I feel? I feel safe. Okay? And step by step by step. And so it goes. Number one is the awareness. Number two is challenging the actual thinking once you identify it. Number three is start imagining the best. Number four is start accepting the uncertainty. Because either way, your brain is going to imagine a future. What we need to do is to take ourself out of the catastrophizing and imagining the absolute worst. Start seeing the patterns of what we're thinking, and start imagining things that are better for us instead. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me Robdial Jr R O B D I A L J R. And I'm gonna leave the same way leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.