How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself

Welcome to today's video. Today, I'm going to teach you how to stop self sabotaging yourself so you don't feel like you're stuck, so you can get moving in the direction that you want to to create the life that you want. Let's dive in. I've been coaching people now for 19 years is we all have goals, we all have dreams, we all have aspirations. We all want our life to be just a little bit better, a little bit more rich, a little bit more fun. You know, some people want to go and they want to get a new job. Some people want to start a business. Some people want to go and get healthier. Some people want to, you know, pursue some creative passion. Like maybe they want to start painting more, they want to start playing more music or get into a band or learn pottery. But there's always something that we want to do and we want to get better, but why don't we actually do it? What I hear from most people is that they feel like they're spinning their wheels. They feel like they're stuck. It's hard for them to get unstuck. And they know what they need to do to. They know what they want to do. They have a pretty good idea what has to happen in order for that to happen, but they're just not doing it. You know, they want to take action some sort of way, but they're not doing it, or they do it for a little while and then they stop. And we all want to take action some sort of way, but it tends to be that we self sabotage ourself. And when you feel like you're self sabotaging, when you feel like you're stuck, it can be really frustrating. And then we're like, I don't know what to do. Why can't we just take action and do what we want to do when we know what we need to do? What do I need to do to get the life that I want? You know, it's so simple, but why don't we do it? And so that's what we're gonna dive into today. We're gonna dive into why we don't take the actions that we need to in order to create the life that we want. And then we're gonna talk about how to actually do it. And I want you to understand this. There's a big disconnect in your mind between desire and action. And so you can consciously want to go and become a multimillionaire or become famous or, you know, build the life that you want or build a business, you can consciously want it. We all consciously want something. But why are we not doing what we need to do to get that life? Because at the core of this disconnect, there is on one side, it is what we want, and on the other side is what we actually do. And you know, it seems very simple on the surface, right? It's like you really want something, you should just be able to go for it. But in reality, in your head, it's not that straightforward. Because we as humans, we think, and that's what gets us in all the trouble. What do we do? We think about the future. And most of your cognitive processing happens behind the scenes in your subconscious. So you have your conscious mind, which wants to build the business and wants to be happy and wants to be successful and wants all of these great things and wants to be, you know, having more fun and travel more. Your conscious mind wants that. And that's about 5% of what your brain does. Then there's your subconscious mind. Subconscious, which means under the conscious mind, which about 95% of your cognitive processing, which is stuck in a couple different things that we're going to cover today. Your identity, what you think of yourself, who you think that you are, what you're thinking about, when you think about your future, all of that stuff. And so your conscious mind wants it, your subconscious mind is the thing that's holding you back. And so the first thing you need to understand is your brain's orientation towards the future. Our brains are wired to constantly imagine the future. And this is an incredibly useful trait for survival. You know, it's allowed humans to be able to plan, to anticipate, to avoid dangers, to kind of look into the future and think what are potential dangers that could come around the other side of this turn. It's ultimately the reason why our species survived, and also the reason why our species survived. But your greatest strength is often your greatest weakness. So it's kind of a double edged sword. Yeah, we can think into the future to avoid potential pitfalls and all of that, but we can also think into the future of what it is that we want. And then we start thinking about all the pitfalls of that and we don't take action towards it. And so, you know, when you think about the average person, what do you think the average person is thinking about in the back of their heads? Are they thinking about where they're going? Are they thinking about where their goals are? They think about how a person is thinking about in the back of their heads. Are they thinking about where they're going? Are they thinking about where their goals are? They think about how amazing today is going to be. No. A brain left to its own to do what it wants to do will almost always go negative. Because your brain is a protection mechanism. That's why I kept our species alive. It is protecting you at all points in time. In order to protect you, it must keep you in its comfort zone. But if you wanna create a life you've never had, you're gonna have to get out of that comfort zone. So, you know, we think about, instead of thinking about the life that we want and what we're creating and how amazing today's gonna be, we think about all the things that we don't want. We think about what could go wrong. And then your brain is always on defense mode. It's never on offense, it's very rarely on offense, I'll put it that way. But it's mostly on defense almost all the time. You're probably always focused on what it is that you don't want. Your brain is imagining a future that you're trying to avoid. And so basically, if you look at this whole thing, the future in your mind is filled with all of these potential pitfalls and negative outcomes. And if your future is filled with all of these negative outcomes and what your brain's thinking into, why would you ever take action towards that future? So, for instance, let me give you an example. So it's kind of give you more context, right? If you're thinking about starting a new business, your brain, your conscious mind might be like, oh my gosh, it's going to be fun. I'm going to do something I enjoy. I'm going to be able to work for myself, I'm going to be able to make unlimited amount of money. But that's your conscious mind. And then the other 95% of your mind is constantly filled with thoughts like, well, what if I fail? What if this doesn't work out? What if I lose all of my money? What if I work, you know, what, what if I work my ass off for a year and do things that don't align with your current self image? They in fact cannot align with your current self image because you've never done them before. And for most people, that causes really big cognitive dissonance, which is I'm doing something that doesn't line up with who I am. Well, that doesn't make me feel comfortable. It makes people feel really weird inside. And so the most important part of the behavior, AKA Everything that you do and what it is that you do in your life is who you think you are. Because who you think you are is going to dictate what it is that you do. So even if you intellectually understand that different actions need to happen in order to create the life that you want, you might still avoid them because they don't align with what you think you are. It doesn't align with your current identity. And so this misalignment creates this psychological tension within you. On one hand, you have all of the goals you want to achieve, a successful business, being rich, traveling the world, whatever it is that you want, that's on one hand. But on the other hand, all of the actions that are required in order to achieve them, they don't line up with your identity. They feel unnatural and they feel uncomfortable. And this tension between what you want and what you need to do versus who you think you are, this tension can be really paralyzing, which then leads you. Because the fact that it's paralyzing, it leads you to doing nothing, which makes you feel stuck. And it's that feeling of I'm self sabotaging, which is, I know what I need to do, why can't I get myself to do it? And so when people feel uncomfortable, what they tend to do is they tend to freeze. And so what you need to do is you need to have your identity of who you think you are. It's going to have to change in some way. It's going to, you're going to have to let it flow. And what I mean by that is like a lot of times we think like, who I am is who I am and I am this person and this is my personality and this is my identity. But the person that you are today is not who you have to be tomorrow. You can decide to be somebody else. You know, I've said this quote many times, this podcast. One of my favorite quotes is Alan Watts says, you're under no obligation to be who you were 15 minutes ago. Identity flows, it changes. It's not like a rock, it's like water. Identity changes, it flows. You're not the same person that you were 15 years ago. So if that's the case, that means that your identity is not a thing that's set in stone. It's something that changes and moves and shifts. So if you understand this flexibility, the key is to break free from these, these limitations of your current self image of yourself. And one of the things that you can do is you can start to reframe who you actually think you are. And reframing basically involves changing the way that you think about yourself and your abilities. So instead of seeing yourself of someone who is like, shy, start to test that a little bit. Oh, I'm shy. I don't like to go out. I don't like to talk to people. And you don't have to say, hey, I'm outgoing. Which is what most people say. Like, oh, if you're shy, just say you're outgoing. That's a. Your BS meter is going to go off and be like, well, I've never been outgoing before, so I must be shy. So instead of like saying the exact opposite, well, if you're naturally shy, why don't you just ask yourself, what if I was just a little bit more outgoing? Like, just get. You don't have to jump all the way outside of your comfort zone. Just take a, take a little step out, see a different perspective. What if I was just a little bit more outgoing? Instead of viewing yourself as someone who's like, very, very afraid and risk adverse, just ask yourself the question, like, instead of saying, oh, well, I'm brave and I'm courageous. That's stupid. You know, don't do that. Say, what if. What if I was someone who was comfortable with taking calculated risks? What would my life, what if I could step in and be in and you just step a little bit out of that comfort zone of yours? Just small shifts in your perspective. Because if you can see a little bit different of a perspective, you start to actually see yourself as a different person, which is ultimately what you need to do to change your identity. And this little tiny shift in self perception can change your behavior. Because then if your identity changes, then you can realize it's not necessarily set in stone. And if it's not set in stone, that means it could change. And if it can change, why can't I change it to who I want to be? Hmm. Okay. If it's not set in stone, it. It can change. And if it can change, why don't I set it to who I want to be? Your identity is this really. It's like who people think that they are. And the more I work with people on this, the more I love talking about this. Who you think you are is basically just a house of cards. You think that it's this, you know, this fortress. This is who I am, this is what I do. This is how I've always been. But then you start talking to people just a little bit, like, you just realize it's Like a house of cars just waiting for a nice little flick and the whole thing comes falling down. And then you realize, oh my gosh, I'm just, I'm not who I thought I was at all. Which means if I'm not who I thought I was, then why don't I just build myself up into who I want to be? And so one of the ways that you can really start to help yourself kind of get free of this is to start journaling through these things more. If, you know, if you listen to podcasts a lot, I recommend journaling all of the time and just journal your current identity and start asking yourself questions about yourself. So ask yourself questions as if you were just, you know, really curious. You're meeting somebody new and you're just sitting down, you're interviewing them and asking them questions and you say, like, how do I see myself right now? Like, what do I think about myself? What are the beliefs that I hold about my abilities? What are the beliefs that I hold about my limitations? What are some of the fears that I have? What are some of the self limiting beliefs? What actions do I avoid because they don't align with my current self image? Hmm? Oh, well, you know what? I've always told myself I'm lazy, so therefore I'm not taking the action I need to. I'm not a hard worker. And just be honest with yourself. Just be very curious and try to just uncover if there's any underlying beliefs or, you know, fears that are behind everything that are shaping your behavior. And this process can really help you identify some of the specific aspects of your identity that are holding you back. And then if you've journaled who you are and some of your fears and some of your self limiting beliefs, journal who you want to be. Hey, what would it look like if I was more confident? What would I need to do in order to be more successful? What would it look like if I wasn't somebody that was so afraid of being in a committed relationship and just start asking yourself these questions. What if, what would it look like? And you don't have to step into that person. What you're doing is you're just being curious, you're just being creative, you're just testing the boundaries just to see what else you would need to do. And then what you want to do is after you become clear on who you want to be, is to start visualizing that future self. Because what happens is if we wake up in the morning and we unconsciously are thinking about the future that we don't want, then we are unconsciously making ourself feel the feelings of that future that we don't want, based off of what we said a little while ago, which means we're unconsciously holding ourself stuck in place and not doing what we need to do to create the life that we want. So if we're waking up and unconsciously visualizing the future that we want, what if we woke up in the morning and we decided to visualize the future that we want and visualize the future self? What would it look like if I was extremely successful? What would it look like if I was very outgoing? What would it look like if I was confident? And you sit there and you visualize that so that you can feel the feelings of, you know, what would it look like if I did build this business? And then a year from now, it's so successful, I'm able to take my family to Italy, let me visualize what it would look like to see my wife and my two kids and be able to see them, you know, going on a tour through the coliseum. When you visualize that future and make it as rich as you possibly can and feel those feelings of the future that you want versus feeling the feelings of the future that you don't want. And you visualize this every single day. And you journal and you visualize and journal and you visualize. And what you're doing is you're. If I'm being honest with you, you're essentially brainwashing yourself to who you want to be. You know, if you're 40 years old right now, you have unconsciously brainwashed yourself into who you are right now. Well, why don't you, for the rest of the, hopefully 40, 50, 60 years of your life, start to brainwash yourself for who you want to be? Because you've brainwashed yourself to believe and be who you are right now. Why don't you brainwash yourself into being who you want to be and journal through it and plan it and feel the feelings of what that future would feel like? So therefore, you're not feeling like you have to push yourself to that future, but you're feeling pulled towards your future because your. Your future just feels so exciting to you. And essentially that is how you get to pass your self sabotage. That's how you change your identity, and that's how you take the actions that you need to to create the life that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor. Share it on the Instagram stories. Tag me in at robdial Junior R O B D I A L J R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. And so if you've ever gotten any value, please do me a favor and share it so that more people can find this, so that I can impact more people's lives and hopefully we can just make the world a better place. Also, if you love this podcast, you'll definitely love something I have called Mindset Mentor Plus. It is the next level past Mindset Mentor. So for every single episode of Mindset Mentor that comes out, Mindset Mentor plus subscribers get a whole lot more. There's multiple page detailed worksheets going even deeper into every single episode that we have of this podcast. There's worksheets, there's assignments, there's journaling questions, there's a. There's literally assignments and actions that you should take from every single episode. And we do monthly Q and A sessions in there and a few more other bonuses. So if you want to learn more about it, go to mindsetmentor.com once again, mindsetmentor.com it is less than a dollar a day. And if you're interested, go to that website. And with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.