Rob Dial grew up with an alcoholic father who abandoned him, left him in the rain after a baseball game, and died when Rob was young. He taught himself psychology from library books, realized he could shift from victim to victor, and found that forgiving his father freed him from hatred and set him on a path to help others.
Chapters
The only reason why I have this Christmas gift is because somebody decided that they wanted to give a toy to a kid they didn't know. I am the son of an alcoholic father. And if there's one word that I would say probably summarizes my childhood, it's uncertainty. And the one time where it really hit home and I realized that my dad had a big problem was after a baseball game. I was about nine years old and he was supposed to pick me up from the baseball game. And just like a movie, it just so happens to start raining. So I'm sitting there by myself in the dark, in the rain, waiting for my dad to come pick me up. And it was the first time that I realized that my dad was not going to be there for me. And things just started to snowball and get worse from there. There was a time when my dad and I were there alone, my mom and my sister were gone and my dad decided that he wanted to sm. And so what he did was he got a paper towel, rolled it up and lit it on the stove. One of the pieces of the paper towel had fallen onto the floor and caught the kitchen on fire. So the floor actually started a fire. And I had to go run in there and put the fire out myself. And I remember calling my mom crying, saying, dad just lit the place on fire. I don't know what's going on. And she rushed home to find him inside of the bathroom where he was smoking his joint. Finally it got to the point where my mom decided that it was too much and that we needed to leave. So while my dad was gone at a bar one night we packed up all of our stuff that we could and we went to my grandparents house. And that was the very last time that I ever lived with my father. And I remember one Christmas we went to a women's shelter and the only Christmas that I got was a toy truck from that women's shelter. And I was very aware that this was coming because of the fact that we were poor and because of the fact that I didn't have a father that was providing for us. And I remember getting this toy truck and playing with it it and thinking to myself, the only reason why I have this Christmas gift is because somebody decided that they wanted to give a toy to a kid they didn't know. And I remember thinking to myself, when I get older it won't be like this. When I get older I'm going to do whatever I can to help other people and provide for them as well. Because the Only reason why I had a Christmas gift that year was because somebody donated for me and I didn't even know who they were. And that was the Christmas that my father was sent to jail for multiple DUIs. And that Christmas, the only communication that I had with my father was through letters. I was raised by my father, raised through letters. He didn't teach me how to shave. He didn't teach me how to treat a woman. He didn't teach me how to become a man. Those are all things that I had to figure out on my own. And by watching other kids, fathers act the way that I thought I should act. And then Halloween 2001, I remember coming home after trick or treating. My mom had this look on her face. You could tell that something was wrong. And so she told me that my father was unconscious. He was inside of a hospital that was in Tennessee, and that we needed to leave the next morning. By the time we got to Tennessee, my father had already passed away from liver failure. And I remember being a kid and hating him so much that I just wanted him to die. But I didn't even actually know what that meant. And the only thing that I wanted in that moment was for my father to be alive. 23 days after my father's death was my sister's birthday. And we were driving in the car after was my mom, my sister and I. And my mom said to us, she said, well, now that it's been a few weeks, what do you think of your father's death? And I remember saying to her, and my exact words were, I think that if dad were to find out how much good is going to come from this, he would be okay with dying. And it was that day that I decided that I was going to get past my own suffering. And then I was going to figure out a way to teach other people to get past their suffering as well. And it was that day that I started reading about psychology, neurology, and figuring out about myself, because we didn't have enough money for a therapist. But I thought if I go to the library and read books that are free, I can somehow become my own psychologist and figure out if I can work through the things and the issues that I have with my father. And so my mess became my message. And I really figured out ways to get past my limiting beliefs in this world that I had created inside of my head and these traps that I had created inside of my head that were keeping me from being happy no matter my circumstances. It was that day that I realized that I was being a victim and that I could make the choice to be a victor. See, it wasn't my fault that I had an alcoholic father, but it was my responsibility to make sure that I made my life great. The one thing that I can do is take responsibility and change my circumstances right now. And what it took was forgiveness. What set me free was forgiving my dad for everything that happened to me while he was alive.
What changed my life was turning my anger into forgiveness, and that turned into gratitude. Mark Twain is famous for saying, anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Let go of your anger, find forgiveness, and find gratitude for everything that you've been through. And watch your life change, change.
