If You Worry, Listen To This!

Welcome to today's video. Today we're going to be talking about how to start focusing on the things that you want to create in your life and stop focusing on all of the bad stuff that could happen that you're attracting into your life. Let's dive in. What we're going to be talking about today is something that's called catastrophizing. And catastrophizing basically means that you become fixated on the worst possible outcome for something that you're worrying about now. You know, if you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you realize, and you've heard me say this before, there's psychological studies that have found that approximately 85% of what you worry about never happens. And out of the remaining 15% of it, usually only about 3% happens as bad as you think it's going to happen. Which means that if you look at the whole vast amount of things that you worry about on a daily and weekly and monthly basis, you 97% of them will never happen the way that you think that it's going to. But what we end up doing is we end up thinking of this thing and worrying about this thing, and then we don't just think about what could happen. What we do is we think about the absolute worst case scenario. And it's a psychological term, like I said, called catastrophizing. Becoming fixated on the worst possible outcome. You know, and it looks kind of like this. If I don't pass this test, I. I'm going to fail this class. And if I fail this class, I'm probably going to fail out of school. And if I fail out of school, I'm going to be a complete failure in life. And so the anxiety of thinking about a test automatically goes to being a complete failure in life. And our brain works so ridiculously fast, you don't even really necessarily notice what cognitive behavioral therapy calls automatic negative thoughts, right? It's usually, oh, my God, I've got a test coming up. And if I fail this test, I'm going to be a complete failure in life. And we don't really notice because our brain works so quickly and makes so many connections so fast that what's actually happening is if I don't pass this test, I'm going to fail this class. If I fail this class, I'm going to fail at school. If I fail at school, I'm going to be a complete failure, and I'm going to be poor and homeless for the rest of my life. Whatever it might Be so the anxiety of just a test, our brain goes boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And just thinking about a test immediately brings us anxiety because we think, oh my gosh, if I fail this test, I'm going to be a failure. You know, and another example would be, you know, maybe you're out of school now and it's like, well, you get into a fight with your girlfriend and, you know, you're thinking that the, the moments that the boom, boom, boom, boom, boom would be, I get into a fight with my girlfriend, and if I get into a fight with my girlfriend, she's gonna leave me. And if my girlfriend leaves me, I'll be destroyed. And if I, if I'm destroyed, then maybe I'll never be able to trust again. And if I never trust again, then I'm gonna be alone forever. And so what turning into a fight turns into being alone forever. The anxiety of a fight or the an of thinking of saying something to your girlfriend or boyfriend or significant other that is authentic to you turns into, well, I can't say this because if it turns into a fight, then she could leave me and then I'll be alone forever, right? And so what we tend to happen is we take these little teeny tiny things and make them massive. And you know, another phrase that really psychologists call this is catastrophizing. Catastrophizing. God, I'm gonna try my best with this catastrophizing magnifying. And so basically what it is is we look at the worst and then we only look at the worst thing. And we're looking at it and we're making it huge. So it's like, she's gonna leave me. I'll be alone forever. If I'm alone forever, I'm gonna be a complete failure. I'm not gonna have any friends. People are not gonna wanna be around me. And your brain makes all of these connections so fast that a lot of times just the thought of getting into an argument with your girlfriend turns into immediate anxiety because your brain makes all of these connections a lot of times without you even having to think about it. And so you're taking something small like wanting to bring up how you don't feel appreciated or something like that in the relationship and turn it into something massive. So you're taking a. You're making a mountain out of an anthill is what you're doing. Now immediately, when I start thinking about psychological things, it's very common for people. My immediate thing that I ask myself is, well, why the hell do we do this, like why? What's the point of this? And what we think and I know some people who worry a lot, people that I'm close to that are just, just they will admit that they worry a lot. We think that worrying in doing this catastrophizing actually serves us. And we think that it's something that we should do. It's a way of pretending Mickey Mouse shit. That's what he said to me. He goes, you're 27 years old, they're making you do workouts in physical therapy that you would give an 80 year old woman that has shoulder problems and hip problem goes, you need to go to a functional therapy. And he said, the other thing that you want to do is stop identifying with the pain. Right? And so what we tend to do is, what I was doing is I was thinking to myself, oh, somebody smarter than me tells me that I have a problem. And so then I would be around people and go to work out and I'd say, well, I can't do that because I'm injured. I can't do that because I'm injured. And I started actually speaking my problem that I didn't want anymore even more into reality. And so I think about the pain and because I'm thinking about the pain so much, because I've identified with the pain and I started thinking about that, I speak to other people about the pain. My brain focuses on the pain, which ultimately makes it more painful. So I'm focusing on the pain, not focusing on the healing. And so what I started doing is I started doing the workouts that would ultimately lead to healing, not towards just trying to stay the same. I went to do the work. So we're more healing. And I stopped identifying with the pain. I stopped saying that I was, I had shoulder issues and hip issues and I would say I'm recovering and I'm healing from. And those might seem like little teeny tiny things, but ultimately what I was doing was I was actually saying out loud what it is that I wanted. Now you fast forward 10 years, I don't have nears. I used to, it was be. It was hard for me to sit down for longer than 30 minutes. Right? It was so crazy. Now I don't have that problem. So if the brain focuses on the pain, ultimately it's going to make more pain. We are creators of our reality now. I'm not saying if somebody needs to have like heart surgery, they should sit around and be like, no, I don't need heart surgery. Obviously be smart with what's going on in your life. But it's just an example of my chronic pain and how I was able to switch it and ultimately change the way my body felt and my brain was focusing on it. You know, another example would be someone. Let's say someone is misdiagnosed with adhd, right? Which is very common nowadays to be misdiagnosed. Because usually what tends to happen is doctors come in, they spend 15 minutes with you, they ask you what's going on, they label you really quickly, and then what happens is, let's say they misdiagnosed somebody with adhd. That becomes their story and truth to them, that becomes their story. That becomes their truth. Oh, Well, I have ADHD, so I can't do this. Well, I have ADHD, so I Can't do this. I have ADHD, so I can'T do this. And they start actually limiting themselves. They say, oh, I can't build a business because I can't focus. I can't do this because I can't focus. I'm not focused enough because I have adhd. There's no way I'll grow a business. And they get a job and believe that they can't focus. And then because they can't focus, they get fired, whatever it might be. And the crazy part about it is, when you do the research, you know, so many people think, oh, I have ADHD or I have add, I can't focus. Which ultimately, if. If somebody's not interested in something and they have adhd, it's very hard for them to focus. But ADHD diagnosis have gone up 38% in the past eight years. Studies have found that at least 20% of those people are misdiagnosed. And only 4.4% of adults actually have ADHD. 4.4%. And people with ADHD, which is incredible, when you actually find this in the studies, people with ADHD actually concentrate and focus better than people who don't have it. It just has to be something that they're actually interested in. And so if I'm sitting there, I'm like, well, I really want to grow this business around xyz. And it's something that I'm passionate about. But I'm thinking, well, I can't do it because I have adhd. And then you realize, if it's something that you're passionate about, you will probably be able to have superhuman focus on that thing. And so when I've worked with people with adhd, I said, what would it be like if ADHD was actually your Superpower, and you stopped looking at it as a deficit, which is what most people tend to look at it as. So we can see how taking a diagnosis, which could be a false diagnosis and making it our story can actually hold us back even more. And so we've got to start actually thinking about this and say, like, when things happen to me, am I imagining the worst? If I'm going to go and think about these things, am I imagining the worst possible outcome? And if I am imagining the worst, well, if I'm going to imagine all the way over to the worst side, I also need to give myself the benefit and imagine the best thing that can happen. If I'm going to imagine the worst thing that could happen, I need to also imagine the best thing that could happen as well. So what's the best thing that could happen? Usually it ends up in the middle. It's usually not the worst. It's usually not the best, but it ends up somewhere in the middle. But if we're constantly thinking about the worst thing that could happen and not really thinking about the best thing that could happen, we're naturally going to move towards the negative. We're going to avoid things that we should actually pursue. We're going to not put ourselves out of our comfort zone because of fear. And so usually it's going to end up in the middle of some sort of way. So an example, like another example would be someone who has social anxiety and wants to go to the mall. And then they start imagining themselves having a panic attack at the mall. And then they feel, you know, they feel in their body right now how embarrassed they would feel if they had a panic attack at the house. And so they just say, you know what? It's just easier to stay home. And over time, this develops into a pattern of them just never leaving the house. Well, that's imagining the worst that could happen. If I'm going to imagine the worst, I have to imagine the best as well. So if I'm imagining the worst, let me imagine the best. Okay, let's say I go to the mall. Let's say that everything is great. Let's say I don't have a panic attack. Let's say I start to feel a little bit more confident in myself because I'm out of my comfort zone. I buy what I need at the mall. I see a friend at the mall I haven't seen in a while, and we decide to go get some coffee, and we have a coffee and we connect, and I have an amazing day, and I come Home with what I needed, and. And I feel great about reconnecting with a friend. Either way, that future is uncertain. If I'm gonna imagine the negative, I have to also make sure I imagine the positive. We also have to just accept that there's uncertainty in life. That's what life is. And so focus on what you want, not what you don't want. There was a speech that I saw years ago, and it was this guy brought somebody on stage, and he said, hey, here's two chairs. I want you to sit in this chair. This is what the what you don't want chair. And the other one is the what you do want chair. So go ahead and sit in the what you don't want chair. And I want you to tell me everything that you don't want in your life. And so the lady was like, well, I don't want to be cheated on. I don't want to be broke. I don't want to be homeless. I don't want this thing. I don't want this. I don't want this. And she just gave this laundry list of all these things that she wants or doesn't want. Then he said, okay, we're going to switch to the other chair. This is the what you do want chair. What do you want? She's like, well, I do want this. I do want this. And what's really crazy is she went off on what she doesn't want. And then when he asked her what she does want, she had a couple ideas. And then she immediately started going to, well, I also, like, don't want this, and I don't want this. I kind of do want this, but I don't want this. And she started going in the do want chair. She started going to all of the things that she doesn't want again. And it shows you what we tend to do as humans as a protection mechanism is focus on all the things that we don't want. But in reality, what we focus on, we will get. So if we want to get something in our life, we need to focus on that thing, not the opposite. It's like when you're driving a motorcycle, they always say, don't look anywhere else except for through the turn where you want to go. Because where you want to go, where you're looking is where you will end up. And so really, what it comes down to is just a couple quick things. Number one, we have to develop this awareness. Am I somebody who catastrophizes? Am I somebody who always looks at the worst in things? Then what we need to do is start challenging what we're thinking. Is it possible that this is actually going to happen? Or am I just going way off and just imagining something that's ridiculous? And then if we're going to be imagining the worst number that's, you know, awareness number one. Number two is challenging what you're thinking. Number three is imagining the best. Let's start imagining all the best things that could happen. And number four is just learn to accept uncertainty. Take small steps in the right direction. They don't have to be huge steps. You don't have to take huge steps in the right direction every single day. Just make sure every single day you're just taking a little bit of a step in the direction that you want to be. Because ultimately, I promise you this, 90%, 97% of what you focus on and you think is going to happen doesn't happen as bad as you think it's going to. Things will be better than you possibly imagine, but you've got to start focusing on the things that you want and not the things that you don't want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram. Stories. Tag me in obdialjr. R O B D I A L J R It allows this podcast to grow. I'm sure there's probably people who follow you on Instagram that if they see this story, might become aware of this podcast in this episode and might help them. So if you do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And also, last but not least, if you love this podcast, you'll also probably love my book that came out a few months ago. It is on the psychology of taking action. It is called Level up. How to get focused, Stop procrastinating and upgrade your life. It is available wherever books are and it is my Life's work into 250 pages. So if you want that, once again, it's called Level up and I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.