Just Let it Go

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Burlington Deals brands Wow. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. If you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a favor, give us a rating and review however you listen to us. Reason why is because the more positive ratings and reviews we get, the more that these platforms actually show our podcast people who have never listened to it before, which allows us to grow and impact more people's lives. So if you do that, I'd appreciate it. Today I'm going to be talking about how to just let it go. What I'm going to share with you, if you do it in your life, will bring you more peace. And I mean like the real kind of peace, the kind that sits deep within your being where you can finally get to the point point of like when I think of like, what is peace? I think like it's just like a that feeling after a really deep sigh where you just, that's what peace is to me. And you know, the reason why is because what we're going to be talking about is how many people listening right now are walking around holding on to pain. They're holding on to resentment and betrayal and blame. And if you are, it doesn't Just weigh you down. It also warps how you see the world. It puts a filter over the world in some sort of way. It changes how you see people, and it also changes how you see yourself as well. And so what we're going to talk about is how to let go and how to forgive at a really deep level and really just letting go of what you no longer need. And more than anything else, doing it because you want to reclaim your peace, your peace that you deserve. But let's be honest, as we dive in, the fact that you want to forgive is really great. But forgiveness itself isn't very easy. And it is simple, that's for sure. But the hardest part of the forgiveness isn't the other person. It has nothing to do with the other person. It has everything to do with you. But here's what you really need to know about it. And this is where I will kind of want to start. Today's episode is from this lens is at your core as a person, at everyone's core as a person, is innocence. Every person in their core is good. That's just how they were born. But we all know life happens at some point in time, and life happened to you and life happened to other people. You know, trauma happened, and society conditioned us, and parents projected their pain and their trauma on top of us, and teachers happened and churches happened and systems happened, and all of it gets layered over that original self. Now, it doesn't mean that the original innocent, core, peaceful self is not there. It is there. But all of these things just get layered over it over 20, 30, 40, 50 years. And now, you know, we're walking around kind of just bumping into each other's wounds all day long. And I always say, like, if you go out and you see someone in the world or you know, somebody in the world who is just, like, rude or they're an asshole in some sort of way. I always say what you're seeing most of the time, like, if you could think of a. An asshole, someone who's just like a complete asshole, right? What you're seeing when you see that person is you're seeing a wounded child who never healed. That's inside of an adult's body. That's it. That's all you're seeing. You're seeing a wounded child that just got older over time, and someone became who they are because of what trauma happened to them in their childhood. And so when you actually start to look at this, at the world and other people through this frame, it actually starts to change things. For you, you know, when you see someone who's addicted to drugs, like I know from being in a household and living with a father who is an alcoholic and knowing his past. But when you see someone who's addicted to drugs, you know, there's a lot of people that will judge somebody that's on the side of the road, who's a drug addict or something like that. What you are usually seeing is a child who wasn't loved correctly that is now in an adult's body. Then we can look at people, we can judge and be like, oh, well, they shouldn't have those life decisions, but what a great place that we can come from and realize, man, maybe I didn't have as bad a traumas in my childhood and now I'm judging this other person's path when I have no idea what happened to them. And so, you know, I want to say this just because it's really hard. It's hard to be in my line of work and hear all of the crazy stuff and insane stories and sad stories about what people went through when they were children, 4, 5, 6, 10, 9 years old, whatever it might have been. It's hard to see all of that and hear all that and not have massive amounts of compassion for what people went through and what they're still going through. And so what you need to know is that all the people around us, like, we're not really searching for happiness. Happiness is a good thing, sure, but you don't want to be happy. What you really want is peace. Everybody just wants peace. Happiness is fleeting. Peace is an actual deep state of being to your core. Happiness is like if you took your phone out. Happiness is like an app on your phone where you can just like flip in and out of it. Peace is the operating system. It's the thing that runs all of the systems and all of the apps from behind. And it changes the way that you interact with the world, interact with yourself and interact with other people. But you can't have peace in your life if you see the world as guilty. It's not the news's fault, it's not your ex's fault, it's not your parents fault, it's not yourself, it's not your fault. You can't keep blaming everything and seeing everything as guilty. In this world, you know, you can't simultaneously hold resentment inside of you and feel free. That doesn't make any sense. It's like trying to swim with an anchor tied to your ankle. So you cannot have real true peace if you do not forgive. Now, I want to say this real quick, and I'll talk about it later, but forgiveness doesn't let people off the hook for what they did. I remember having a conversation with one of my friend's parents one time, one of my friend's moms. And she's been through a lot of stuff in her life with her parents, especially her father. And we were talking about forgiveness. And I remember she said, I will never forgive him. And I just thought, man, what an interesting place to look at the world through. Like, I will never forgive that person. You're basically saying, I will never have peace. And so, you know, I was watching a video a few years ago, and I remember I've seen it a couple times at this point. There was this young man that was in his. You know, I think he's like 19, 20 years old, and he was in trial for murdering another teenager. And the father of the teenager who was murdered after the murderer was convicted, walked up to him and he held his hand, and he looked him in the eyes and he said, I forgive you, and. And looked deep into him and had this conversation. And the kid who murdered his son started crying. And so he gave this kid a hug. And I think to myself, like, if that guy. If a guy can have his teenage son murdered by somebody and go up to his son's murderer, look him in the eye and truly forgive him, we could probably find some space within ourselves to forgive as well. And so let's go deeper into this and really talk about. Cause I want you to. I want to be able to shift your perspective around forgiveness, but also around the person who hurts you in some sort of way. So let's go deeper. Why do people do bad things? People don't do bad things because they're evil. People do bad things because they are lost. They are lost from their true self. Let that land for a second. Like, really think about. People don't do bad things because they're evil. They do bad things because they're lost. They. Anyone who hurts another human is hurting themselves first because they are cut off from their true self. They're cut off from their essence. Their actions are symptoms of their own suffering. And so think about it like, you know, if some. If the person who's a thief, that's likely a child who was forced to survive and had to do it all on their own because their parents couldn't do it for them. So they learned, hey, stealing was something that I have to do in order to get by. If someone's a Cheater. That's probably someone who didn't get the love that they wanted to or the buildup of self worth from their parents. And so they're just looking for validation from anybody that will give them attention. The person who's a liar, likely someone who learned that the truth was not safe in their household as a child. So when you zoom out, like, you could see the person, you could be right there. But when you zoom out and you stop seeing a monster in front of you, you start seeing a wounded child that's just flailing in pain. And the child who learned a behavioral adaptation at some point in time, and they learned that behavioral adaptation in order to protect themselves in childhood. And so, you know, when you look at it the way I always categorize it, just to make it really simple, is there is only sane and insane, sane and insane. And I don't mean insane like clinically insane, or like insane like you see in the movies or any. That type of stuff. What I'm talking about is sanity is when you act from a place of your true self, from love, from alignment, from grounded respect for yourself and for other people. That is sanity. Insanity is when you act from a place that is not aligned. That is fear, that is survival, that is disconnected from yourself and from the human race. Anyone who's acting harmfully is acting from disconnection, from themselves and from other people. That is insanity. They're not in their right mind. Literally not in their right mind. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. And so when you forgive people, you're not saying what you did was okay. And this is a really important part of this that you're not saying, hey, what you did was. And you don't even have to, FYI, when I say when you forgive somebody, you don't even have to go up to them and say anything. You have to forgive them inside of yourself. But it's not saying what they did to you is okay. It's saying, I will no longer let that person's poison and their pain get in the way of my peace. It's like Mark Twain has a quote that says, resentment is the acid that corrodes its own vessel. You know, like, you're holding on to the acid and it's burning you. It's not doing anything else to the other person. So forgiveness is not something that you do for another person. It's something that you do for yourself and for yourself alone. And so you're finally letting go of this burden that you've been Carrying for way too long that, you know, was getting in between you and your peace. And you're like, I'm no longer going to let this moment in time 15 years ago hold me back from my peace today. And the truth is, everyone in this world, as crazy as it may sound, but you can look at it this way, is really doing the best that they can with what they've been given. Not just some people. Everyone really think about that. Everyone's doing the best they can with what they've been given. You know, if you were raised in that person's home, with their parents, with their traumas, with their wiring, you'd likely make some of the exact same choices. You know, it is an excuse is it's not excusing their harmful behavior, who they are, but it's really to understand the behavior, but also that person. Because understanding really is one of the key parts that you need that leads to compassion. When you can understand somebody, you can have compassion for somebody. And compassion leads to freedom, your freedom. You know, I often talk to a lot of people and I hear a lot of really crazy childhoods. And a lot of people resent their parents in many sort of ways. And then when I ask them what they went through and they tell me their entire childhood, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is wild. But then I'm just like, hey, I'm just curious, like, so you know, your dad was the person who did all this stuff to you. What was your dad's life like as a child? And they're always like, oh my God, it was so bad. It was ten times worse. And it's. It's interesting because they always say how much their parents childhood was worse than theirs, like how much worse their parents childhood was than theirs. And then it kind of clicks for a second. You could see it in their eyes and they're like, oh. And they realize that their parents tried their best. Like, they might have gotten some trauma from their parents, but they got the watered down version compared to what their parents got when they were children. And from there they're like, oh shit, yeah, my dad did go through a lot of stuff. I guess I can have compassion for that little kid that went through all of those things. And immediately from that, compassion for their parents starts to come in. And this is what's really important. If you can learn to love your greatest adversary, you'll be able to let go of a lot of the burdens that you've been carrying. Because you can't love your greatest adversary and still Hate them at the same time. It's either one or the other. And so, you know, what about the person who hurts you? Like, let me speak to what you're probably thinking when you're thinking throughout this whole thing, Right. But, you know, when you look at what they did to hurt, like, what they did. Yeah, it probably hurts you. It probably hurts you to think about now in the moment. I'm sure super painful. And it wasn't okay. You're right, it wasn't okay. It did hurt and it wasn't okay. But if you let that pain calcify into bitterness, you lose twice. Like, first from the time when the event happens, and then the second time is while you continue to carry it in this moment, every single time you think about it, lots of people are still carrying around pain from 20, 30, 40 years ago. What you're beating yourself up more than they ever did because you're continuing to beat yourself up. Like, the most radical act of rebellion against a person for whatever they did for you is forgiveness. Like, the act of fully letting go of the event so that you can have space in your life to move on. And so here's the hardest part of it all. We're talking about how you can forgive other people. But I want to take a step back from that. There's also another person that you need to forgive, and that person is you. Lots of people are not forgiving themselves for things that they've done in their life. Like, that's where there's definitely forgiving other people. And there's a lot of peace in that. But the deepest peace lives in forgiving yourself for the many things that you've done, for the version of you that stayed in that relationship for too long, for the version of you that snapped at your children, for the version of you that turned to alcohol or drugs or food or sex or scrolling on Instagram, whatever it might be to numb out the world. And you numbed and numbed and numbed for years. Or the version of you that shut down, or the version of you that lashed out at other people for the younger you that didn't know any better, you did the best that you could. We can't say that other people and understand that other people did the best they could with what they had. If you can't say it about yourself, you know, you're not your worst moment. You're not the thing that you regret the most. And you're still worthy of your own love and acceptance. And you're definitely worthy of your own forgiveness. And if you forgive everyone in your life, then forgiving yourself is like the grand prize of peace. That's really how you get there. If you want to continue to hold on to all of your bitterness and be unforgiving, then you will honestly never really find true peace in this world. And really, forgiveness is not just like this feeling. Forgiveness is a practice more than anything else. Like, I'm going to promise you, like, you could have this moment. This could really hit home with you. And you can think about, oh my gosh, my dad and things that I went through and all that. And you could say, yeah, I do forgive him. But you might have to work at this. You might have to keep forgiving him, because it might just be many moments that piled up over your lifetime. It may not come all at once. That's okay. You don't have to feel forgiving to start acting like somebody who forgives. You just need to be willing to try to start forgiving. And so, you know, a good place to start is if you're thinking about somebody else that did something to you. If you just say to yourself, they were lost and I'm done carrying this. Like, that person was lost, and I'm just done carrying this bitterness. And you know what? I forgive myself. I forgive them. I'm learning and I'm just trying to return back to a feeling of deep peace within myself. That's enough for today. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with you just doing that and then coming back and doing again tomorrow and then maybe going a little deeper tomorrow. All of that is all you really need to do. And so, you know, when you look at forgiveness, the thing I want you to understand is forgiveness. A lot of people have this weird thought of, like, forgiveness is weakness. Forgiveness isn't weakness. Forgiveness is like real strength. Like, when I watched the guy forgive the murderer of his son, I didn't go, oh, that guy's weak. I was like, that guy's stronger than. Way stronger than me. You know, forgiveness doesn't justify the action. It frees you from the entire story in the situation. You know, people hurt others because they're disconnected from themselves. But you can get more connected with yourself and choose peace. Even when others choose pain, you can choose peace. And then after that, you can forgive yourself for all the different things you've done as well. Because that is the ultimate act of self love. And so I want you to think about this, like, think about this question. Who are you still holding on to? Who are you still, you know, holding into a prison in your mind, what would it be like to let that person go? And then try your best. Turn this episode off when it's done and then think about that and say, you know what? I forgive them, even if it's just a little bit. And try that out for today. You don't have to forgive because they deserve it. You have to forgive because you, more than anybody else, deserves it. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram. Stories tag me Robdial Jr R O B D I A L Also, if you're out there, you want to see what it'll look like to do some coaching with me. You can check out mindset 2.0 if you go to coachwithrob.com once again coachwithrob.com and so go to that website and check it out once again coachwithrob.com and with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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