The Psychology of Decision Making: Strategies for Better Choices

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. Today I'm going to be talking to you of the psychology of making better decisions. Because we as humans have so many choices. We have millions of choices that we make every single day. Some of them are really big choices, like, hey, should I get married? Should I have children? And some of them are small choices, like, what color T shirt should I wear? And so what do we do? What is. How do we figure out what the right choice is, is for us? And so I'm gonna go really deep into a few different tips of how to really make sure that you make the right choices for whatever it is that you are trying to do in your life. So the first one that I'm gonna give you is this, is to find your North Star in life. What do I mean by that? Find your North Star means what do you want in your life? What do you want your life to look like? And what is the most important thing that you want to dedicate your life to? And you create a North Star, and then all decisions filter through that North Star. Because there's a million ways to make a million dollars. If you're just trying to go out and make money, you can, but it's a lot easier if you're trying to follow your North Star. And money is a byproduct of that thing. And so there's things that you're good at. You probably have some great skills. There's a few things that I'm good at. Like, I'm really, really good at sales. I'm really good at a couple different things. I'm really good at understanding people. And so, like, for me, like, if I look at it like, I know there's a couple things that I could follow in my life and probably be very successful and make a bunch of money doing. Like, I love sales. I also, for some reason, really love watches. I know a lot about watches. I've always been obsessed with them since I was a little kid. I could probably go and create a gray market used watch company, and I would probably love it. It would be good and it would be fun, but it. Would it be the most fulfilling thing for me to do in my life? No, probably not. Okay. I also really love sports. I could create something like, you know, barstool sports or like ESPN where I write about all of them. I could create a podcast talking about sports. But would that be the thing that I would be like, man, I want to dedicate my life to this Thing? No, not really. Is there a bunch of money to be made in both of them? A bunch of success to be made in both of them? Of course there is, but it's not part of my. Not what I want my North Star to be. My North Star is more along the lines of I want to do whatever I can to take my tips and tricks, the things that I know about mindset, and teach it to the world. And really what it comes down to is that's the thing in this world that gives me the most energy. We just had an event this past weekend and we had about 75 people in a room and we went from 9am until about 7pm every single day. And people kept coming up to me at the end and they asked me questions. We do pictures and be like, man, you look like you still have so much energy. Like, aren't you exhausted? And I'm like, no. Like, this is the thing that I was made to do. I get so much energy from doing this. This is what makes me happy. This is what makes me fulfilled. I could do this all day, every day. It is the thing that I am made to do on this earth that is like my North Star. And so everything goes and filters through that. So, you know, when I was first starting the podcast and I had the podcast, I was starting my coaching company, I was putting content online. I also, when I first quit my job to do all this to make some money, I also had an Amazon business and my partner and I, we were selling about $35,000 a month. So we were doing pretty well within about three months of opening up the business. But I noticed it was. There was a. There was a little bit of a disconnect. There was an Amazon business and then there was this coaching business. And I was like, which one do I want to do? Because I can't put 100% of my effort into both of them. So I've got to choose one. And so I started thinking to myself, if I fast forward 10 years, do I want to be known as the guy who has a successful Amazon business or. Or do I want to be known as the guy who's coaching on people, on their mindset, on their life, and hopefully changing people's lives. And it was like, clear as day, easy decision. I want to be known as the guy who's coaching now. There's no money coming in at this point in that side of the business and money coming in on the Amazon side of the business. So I called my partner, I said, hey, man, just so you Know, I'm not motivated to do this Amazon thing anymore. You can either run it on your own, or we could shut it down. And he was like, let's just shut it down because I'm not passionate about it anymore either. So we shut it down, even though it was the thing that was producing revenue. And I switched and went to the thing that I wanted to do, which was like, my North Star in this world. And so maybe being a great parent is your North Star. Well, if your North Star is, I'm going to. Nothing matters more than me becoming the best parent I can be to have the best children come out into this world. If that is your North Star, then you want to filter all of your decisions to through that. Because what happens is we'll have decisions that will come into our life. Maybe you get this amazing job offer and you're going to make double what you're currently making right now. Amazing, right? But then you realize that you have to travel and be out of town half the month. Well, maybe you'd be away from your children in their early years and you look at it and you say, okay, well, I would make more money, which means that I could provide more, more money for my family. Maybe they could go to better colleges. Maybe they could, you know, have be set up later on in life. Maybe that would happen. But if we also look at the other side, you could say, but if I'm away from my children, I can't put my love that I want to in them. I can't put my wisdom that I want to in them. And so you ask yourself, okay, I'd be making more money, but does this job opportunity line up with my North Star of being the absolute best parent that I could be to make sure that I can create the best children that I can? You might make more money, but you'd be away from their children in their formative years. So would you rather have more money or more time with your children? Do you see how the North Star works? So really what it comes down to is what is your North Star? What is it that gives you energy? What is it that you feel pulled towards, that you're just so excited about and you just love, and you don't know why you love it so much, but it just makes you come alive inside. Because if you're chasing money, you're eventually going to run out of motivation. You're not going to want to do it as much anymore. But when you're chasing energy, when you're chasing passion, you have so much energy to do what you need to do. The other thing that's really good about as well is it also gives you more confidence in your decisions after you make them, so you don't constantly go back and think, oh man, did I make the right choice by saying no to that job? It's like, no, I didn't make the wrong choice. I made the right choice by saying no to that job because my North Star is being the absolute best parent I can be, or my North Star is being the best coach that I could be. Whatever it is that you want to be, if it lines up with your North Star, it was the right choice. So that's the first thing. The first tip I want to give you. The second one is to get better at checking in with your gut. You've probably heard the phrase to trust your gut, right? You get a gut feeling about something. You get a gut feeling about someone. You've probably had a gut feeling about someone before. Like, oh yeah, this person doesn't feel right, but it doesn't feel right. But it, like, logically makes sense. And then something happens two years down the road and you're like, damn it, I should have trusted my feelings. You've had that happen before, right? Damn it, I should have listened to my should have listened to that gut feeling. Or sometimes it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but you follow your gut and it's like it ends up paying off in the long run. Like, for me, this podcast is another great example of that. Like, when I quit my job and I shut down the Amazon business in order to follow this podcast, it made no sense. I was making zero dollars on this podcast. I had no coaching clients, I was making $0. But something about it felt right, and I was following that feeling. And now fast forward eight years, it's like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Isn't that interesting? Hey, if you're loving this episode on how to make better decisions, please do me a really quick favor. Give us a like down below for the YouTube algorithm and subscribe so that you never miss another episode. And you will get notified every single time that a new episode goes up. So trusting your gut can kind of feel like this mystical, unscientific approach to making decisions. But there's a ton of research in neuroscience that shows that this isn't just a theory, this isn't just something like that sounds real weird. And woo woo. Like, it turns out that your gut and your feelings or your intuition may actually be the most powerful tool that you have for making decisions. Especially when it comes to assessing other people or situations for your future. You know, we've been taught in our society, our society is very, very much like only head, only head, only thinking, only rational, only intellect, only making rational decisions because it makes sense on a piece of paper. As if our emotions and our instincts and our feelings are just unreliable. Oh, feelings can't be trusted. But there's a saying that says the heart knows what the mind cannot understand. And I always take heart and gut as kind of like a team. They kind of the heart and the gut, they kind of team up together. And sometimes we can't fully comprehend why we feel a certain way, good or bad, about a certain person or a situation. But the feeling is really still very important to consider and to start to think about. And research also shows that our gut feeling, or intuition is actually rooted in our physical bodies. It's actually something that's called the enteric nervous system. The ens. Enteric nervous system. And it's a network of neurons that's located in the walls of the digestive tract. So you actually have a second brain. They actually call this your second brain. Your ENS is your second brain that is in your gut. And neurologists refer to the ensuing. And your gut is your second brain because there are so many neurons that are down there. There's actually a study that was published in the Journal of American Science back in 1999, and the professor is actually Professor Michael D. Gershon, I'm saying it correctly. And he actually was in Columbia, and he found that the gut functions as a separate and independent nervous system from your central nervous system. It has over 500 million neurons. And so the gut can actually influence your cognitive function and your memory. Your gut is a really complex system that is capable of influencing both your physiological and your psychological processes. And so the communication between the ENs, the enteric nervous system, and your brain is bidirectional, which means that your brain is checking in with your gut all the time. And your gut is checking in with your brain all the time, which means that your gut feeling can actually influence your brain as well. And your brain can influence your gut. This is why you will often have physical sensations in your stomach when you're getting nervous or you're getting anxious or you're getting excited. And people say, oh, I've got what in my stomach? I've got butterflies in my stomach. That's actually a communication that's happening inside of your body. What's really interesting about it is that the gut is also Connected to the amygdala. The amygdala is the part of your brain that processes fear. It processes fear, it processes emotions, and it plays a key role in your fight or flight response. That means that your gut feeling is not just some vague sense or unease or uncertainty, but it's actually a physical response to perceived threats around you or opportunity. Let me say that again just so you can really get this. Your gut feeling is actually a physical response to perceived threats in your environment right now or possible future. But it's also can be a physical response to opportunity coming up in the future as well. And so when we get a gut feeling, we can say, oh, well, yeah, that doesn't make any sense. I'm going to. It logically makes sense. So I'm going to do this thing, I'm going to just go across. I'm just going to not pay attention to what my gut has to say. When you get a gut feeling about someone or something, you should really start to pay attention to it. Because it may be our body's way of alerting us of potential danger in the future or opportunity that our conscious mind just hasn't been able to register yet. So listen, I understand because I am a very cerebral person, analytics thinking all the time. But one of the things that I've had to do is I've had to learn to, to start to pay attention to feelings. I know, Ugh, right? Oh, I gotta pay attention to my feelings. It feels so weird for me. Cause I'm such a cerebral thinking person. But what I've tried to get really good at is paying attention to my gut feeling. Like paying attention. Okay, this logically makes sense. Let me check in with my body real quick. Let me check in with my gut and let's see what's going on here. Are we on the same page or does my gut feel different about this decision? And so studies have actually shown that people who trust their gut instincts often are better able to predict outcomes and make accurate judgments even when they don't have all the information. Think about that for a second. There are actual psychological studies that show that people who trust their gut instincts are better able to predict outcomes and make accurate judgments even when they don't have all the information. So I wouldn't say just blindly follow your gut instincts all of the time, but it would be pretty smart to check in with it, right? What if you use your gut feelings and your critical thinking and analysis together? I'm not saying just don't pay attention to it, but we should definitely Give our gut feelings much more weight than we currently do. And so there's a big difference between the brain and the gut. And so for me, I always say the brain, almost always, because your brain is trying to protect you, will talk you out of things that you should do. But I feel. And this is what I always say, I think that your gut is actually your emotional compass in life. It knows the decisions that you should make. And so what I like to do when I have a big decision is I like to actually check in with my body. It's very simple. And so the brain usually tries to talk you out of anything that is outside of your comfort zone because it wants to protect you. Your gut usually is your emotional compass that will tell you the right way to go. And so what I like to do is, if I have a really big decision, I like to check in with my body. And so what I do is I can think about all. I can think about all of this stuff. What I'll do is I'll take a few minutes, and it takes maybe three minutes to do this. I'll take six deep breaths. I'll go in through my nose. I'll breathe out through my mouth. And the reason why is because there's been Japanese studies that have found that six deep breaths can actually change the way a person's body feels completely. It allows you to kind of get out of your mind and back into your body. 60 breaths, in through the nose and out through the mouth. And then I ask myself, what's the right decision? And the answer that comes up, the first answer that comes up is what I go with. And the reason why is because the first thing that comes up is usually a gut feeling. And then the brain reacts and tries to talk me out of the gut feeling almost every single time, where it's like, should I go and do this? And it's like, yes. And then my brain goes, wait, but hold on. But you're also really busy right now. You've got this thing going on. And also, what if all of those people. If you put up that video, people are gonna make fun of you, and you probably shouldn't do this. And it's a lot safer just to make sure that you don't leave your job. And so for me, the way that I like to do it, six deep breaths. Ask myself the question, what do I feel is the right to write one for me? So that's the second tip. The next one is to embrace the power of the pause. And so the pause just basically means, like, we like to make decisions quickly. Like, I'm a very quick decision maker. But one of the things that we should really try to get better at is. Is pausing for a moment and reflecting. So neurologically taking a step back allows the brain to shift from more reactive analysis, which is like reaction, reaction, reaction, which is basically the amygdala, which is where the fear is, into your prefrontal cortex, which is linked with logical reasoning and planning. And so, you know, if something's happening. You've heard me say it many times in the podcast before. When emotion is high, logic is low. So if you're making an emotional decision, it's usually with your amygdala turned on, which means that you're making a decision from fear more than anything else. And so what happens when emotion is high? It actually stops sending so much blood to your prefrontal cortex, which is the executive function, logical reasoning, planning, part of your brain. And so when you make an emotional decision, it's usually not the best one. And so you have to give yourself a moment of pause. And so what I would recommend is giving yourself 30 minutes and then coming back to the decision. And that's why, you know, sometimes you're in a fight with somebody, and you say something in the heat of the moment, and then 30 minutes later, you're like, ah, shit. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have said that. Right. And so that alone will help you make better decisions, is to just take a second to just pause, give yourself 30 minutes, and then come back to the decision when you're not in a heightened state so that you can think better. Okay, the next thing is to do something using. Excuse me. Use something called the 10-10-10 rule. So the 10-10-10 rule is developed by someone named Susie welch, and the 10-10-10 rule is really a tool for gaining different perspectives. And so a lot of times when we make decisions, we make decisions thinking like, well, what do I want to do right now? The reason why is because we, like, almost always, we, like immediate gratification instead of delayed gratification. And so when you're making really important decisions, you want to use the 10-10-10 rule. And this is what it looks like. Okay? You take out a pen and paper, and you ask yourself these three questions. Question number one is, how will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes? You write that question out. You answer that question. The next question is, how will I feel about this decision in 10 months? Then you write out the answer to that one, and then the last one is, how will I feel about this decision in 10 years. And this method is really good for taking an immediate emotional reaction and allowing you to really start to think of long term implications of your choices. And so an example of this could be like, let's say that, let's say that your boyfriend or your spouse has just been like really pissing you off lately, right? And you're like, what if I just left him? You're in a five year relationship, you're thinking about ending that and you say, okay, how will I feel if I decide to leave him? How will I feel about this decision in 10 minutes? And so you decide, okay, well, you know what, maybe I would feel a little bit relief. I don't have to deal with all of his shit anymore. I feel pretty good in 10 minutes if I just said, you know what, John, get out. Right? You just kick him on out. Okay, cool, so now we know how I'd feel in 10 minutes. Okay, what about 10 months? You start thinking about what the next 10 months will look like. Okay, well, I have to be single again. Damn, it really sucks to be single, right? But it also is kind of cool sometimes to be single because you can be on your own. You can rediscover yourself. You can start to realize who you are again as a single person. That might be fun, but there's also like. But I'd have to like start downloading dating apps. I've never used a dating app before and I always talk to my friends and they're like, man, these dating apps sucks. Like, it sucks to be single nowadays. And you might love the choice, but you might also miss your significant other in 10 months. What would that look like for you in 10 months? And then you say, how would I feel about this decision in 10 years, a decade from today, if you decided to break it off after that five year relationship, would that decision lead you to a happier, more fulfilling 10 years? A happier, more fulfilling decade? A happier, more fulfilling long term life? Would you feel that you made the right decision to go for the breakup, pursue your own personal happiness, rediscover who you are, start dating again? Or would you be regretful and think, man, like, I really. Yeah, he did some things that pissed me off. He never did the damn dishes. But he was always so amazing. It made me feel really good about myself. And so what you do is you actually start to figure out by assessing the short term and the long term decision, and you say, like, what are the implications of this decision? Where would I be if I decided to do it? And it gives you Just more of an informed choice about the relationship's future. And that's really important is to just take the 10, 10, 10 rule. Cause a lot of times we just think, like, right now, what's right now, what's right now, this is what I want to take action on. But if you say, okay, in 10 minutes, I'll feel relief, in 10 years, I'm gonna be like, man, you know what? Yeah, he didn't do some of the things, but I really did actually love him. And maybe I made a mistake. This is why a lot of times people will break up and then six months later they get back with the person because they're like, I made a mistake. Sure, maybe there's some emotional wounds and some bonding and all that stuff, but maybe actually it was a better decision to stay with that person. And so you think about your short term, but also your long term consequences of your decisions as well. And so really that's what it comes down to is we have many decisions we can make throughout the day. And how can we make sure that we make less decisions, but more important decisions? With everything that we do, how can we make sure that we're following what our North Star is so we feel like we're doing what we're supposed to be doing in this world? How do we make sure that we're thinking of the short term and the long term implications of what it is that we do? How can we make sure that with every action that we take, we're actually trying to figure out how we're going to create the best life from it? How do we pause in between? How do we check in with our gut? How? How do we make sure that we use these different tools? They could really be called different tools to make the right decision for us. And that's really what it comes down to. So use these next time you're struggling with taking actions so that you can make sure that you take the right actions and decisions towards the life that you're trying to create. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Robdial Jr R O B D I A L J R and if you love this podcast, you'd also probably love my new book that's coming out October 3rd. If you want to pre order it, you can go to robdial.com book. It's called Level up. How to get focused, Stop procrastinating and upgrade your life. If you go to robdile.com book and pre order it. You will get a free course with it with a pre order and you'll also be entered into a prize pool of over $25,000 in cash and prizes just by pre ordering it. And both of those offers go away the day that the book comes out on October 3rd. So if you want to go ahead and get that, get it delivered to your house the day it comes out, it is robdial.com book and with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.