There Is Nothing Wrong with You.

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you probably love getting text messages from me sporadically throughout the week. If you live in the United States or Canada, you can go ahead and sign up. It's absolutely free. Go to 512-580-9305. So just text me 512-580-9305 and I'll just send you motivational inspirational messages mindset messages throughout the week. Today we're going to talk about the fact that there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect exactly as you are, and you are not broken. You know, the crazy thing that I've that I've come to really understand is that life is hard. And whether you have a hard life, whether you have what most people not consider a hard life, there's still a lot of really hard aspects of it. Maybe you have trauma, maybe you don't have a whole lot of trauma, but there's also going to be heartbreaks. There's going to be people who die that you know, there's a lot of ups and downs of life. And in my line of work, I've kind of seen all of it, you know, and I've seen that the best sides of humans, but I've also really seen the worst sides of humans. And I've had people share their stories with me that have been through some of the worst things that I could possibly imagine. You know, all kinds of abuse, mental, physical, sexual abuse, suicides, murders, rapes, neglect. Like there's. There's so many things that you could. All of the dark sides of human. I have been told stories of all of the terrible things in the world. And the thing that I wanna talk about today is about how no matter what has happened to you, there's nothing wrong with you. And that just because something happened to you in the past does not mean that you need to continue to carry it with you into your future. And, you know, maybe you haven't had crazy trauma that you would say, like, your life was pretty good, it was decent, you had some loving parents, maybe they were still together, maybe got divorced. So it doesn't have to be like this, oh, my gosh, massive trauma for it to leave a really deep emotional scar. You know, some people feel bad because they feel like their lives are pretty good and they feel like they don't deserve to feel like they have trauma. You know, their parents are still. I have a friend whose parents, A couple friends I can think of now, two people specifically whose. Both their parents are still alive, both their parents are still together and they had like a pretty decent life. They grew up like middle class and things are okay. And they feel like they don't deserve to say that there was any trauma in their past because they've had an easier road in their mind than the average person or in some of the worst things that people have gone through. Right. And so they think to themselves, like, well, I don't deserve to say that I've had trauma. But then when you start to talk to them, you realize like, yeah, you've had some trauma and you've had some things happen to you in the past that have made you who you are. You know, some people have like, never been beaten before, but their dad worked all the time and never gave them any love. And so there was a. The father thought to themselves. I can think of one ex client that I have specifically whose father worked all of the time and he had a decent life, middle class, everything. But his father never really was there for him because he was working so much. And his father's way of showing love was providing for the family, making sure everyone was good. But with that, this guy developed emotional neglect that came from it. You know, his dad wasn't there and gave him the love that he really, truly wanted. You know, some people, their. Their mother, their way that they would, you know, Train them to, to grow up and be the way that she wanted them to be. Would pull their love away when she was mad. You know, there's, there's definitely some, some trauma that can come from that. There's trauma that can come from not getting the love that you want from a parent or having the love pulled away by one of your parents. Another person I can think of as I was writing this episode is I, I have another person I know really well whose mot. Fear in her. And she instilled fear into her because her mother always did that. And so her mother. So my friend's grandmother is extremely fearful. My friend's mother is extremely fearful. And both of them instilled fear in their daughters because of the fact that they thought that's just the way that it was. They watched the news all the time. Anytime something goes wrong, anytime there's some plane crash in another country, she sends it over to her and you know, and so there's been a lot of unconscious fear programmed into her. There's a lot of trauma that she has around that. Some people's trauma is neglect, emotional neglect, physical neglect. And we all have different forms of it. And the all trauma in the brain and in the body is trauma. So whether it is, you know, physical abuse or whether it's my dad wasn't there, those are still forms of trauma that can be inside of the body, doesn't have to be still inside the body, but a lot of people continue to carry those things with them. So quote, unquote big trauma and quote unquote small trauma is really just a human measurement. Trauma at its simplest form is not getting what you need in your development. And one way that I like to think of trauma and a way to think of it as is a breakaway from the state of love, you know. So if I'm talking about like a car crash and you get PTSD driving a car, that's not really the trauma that I'm talking about. I'm talking more about, you know, your parents. Emotional abuse. When a parent emotionally abuses a child, that's a breakaway from a state of love.

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When a parent neglects a child, emotional neglect, or they, they. They pull away their love from their child, both of those are a breakaway from a state of love. Physical neglect, not getting the, the, the. The love that you want and getting the, the caring that you want or getting the food that you need, all of those things can be a breakaway from the state of love. Heartbreak as you get older is a breakaway from the state of love. And so the state of love is really what I think we're born into in the way that we are. But there's many things throughout our life that break us away from this state of love. And it could be a big event that closes you off in your development. It could be a smaller event that closes you off in your development. It could be being bullied when you were younger. But one thing, and the reason why I'm diving into this is one thing that I find with people that's very, very common is because of the fact that they have trauma in their past, their current self feels broken. They feel like there's a part of them missing. They feel like they're not necessarily whole. They feel like they're not worthy. And they feel like there's something wrong with them because of something that happened to them in their past. But really something that happened in their past, whether it was quote, unquote, smaller, quote unquote big, is in the past. So it doesn't necessarily need to be in the present moment, which is. Means that we're holding on to, to our trauma. So there's a difference between trauma and something that is traumatic. I guess you could say something that's traumatic is an event. Gabor Mate always says this. Gabor Mate is a psychologist who specializes in addiction. He says the event is traumatic. Trauma is us continuing to hold on to that event after the event has passed. Right? And so people feel broken, they feel like they're not whole. They feel like there's something wrong with them. They feel like they're not worthy. They feel like they don't deserve to be happy or they don't deserve to be healthy or wealthier, successful. And what it is is something happened to us in our past, and we continue to keep bringing that thing into our current reality. And if we're not careful, we will bring it into our future. And bringing that into our future is going to have some way of holding us back. And the way I like to think about it is this. Right? Let's say that there's a three legged dog. Have you ever seen a three legged dog? I love three legged dogs. And the reason why is because when you see a three legged dog, besides the fact that they're missing a leg, there's no difference between a three legged dog and a four legged dog. Even the two legged dogs, they only have the two back feet. Two back legs, right? They are the same amount of happy as any other dog. They are the same amount of love as any other dog. They have the same amount of joy as any other dog. So they could have been hit by a car, they could have had a, an owner that had something wrong with them and you know, whatever it might be. And they caused trauma to their leg. But that dog has three legs now and they don't look at themselves and think there's something wrong with me. I'm not whole.

Right.

It was an event that happened. They let go of it and we could talk about, well, their memory, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But really what I'm trying to say is they had an event happen to them. They're not bringing that event into their present moment. But how many people are still holding themselves back because they're identifying with a version of themselves? That was 10 years ago. Something happened to them 10 years ago. You know, my dog Toby passed away last year. And for the last year, Toby was losing his eyesight and he was losing his hearing. He was, he was getting like, it was the cutest thing ever, but he was the, his paws were not. Didn't have as much grip on his paws. And we have, you know, tile floors and he was so, he was slipping. So he had to put these little like stickers that basically put tread on his paws so that he could stand up and not fall. Right. And so we started to feel bad for him. Like I felt really bad for him. Like this poor guy, he's losing his eyesight. I can see the cataracts. And we're calling him and he can't hear us. And I felt bad for him, but Toby never felt bad for himself. That feeling bad is a human construct. They have no, he did not have one bit of thought that something was wrong with him. He, up until the day that he died was just as happy as he always was. He didn't have as much energy, but he was just as happy as he always was. And I want you to understand, if the dog can do that, if an animal can do that, we're also animals as well. Can we remember a lot better than a lot of them?

Sure.

But A traumatic thing can happen to a dog, and they don't bring it into this present moment. A traumatic thing can happen to us, and we bring it into this present moment. And so, like I said, a lot of humans say, like, I feel broken. I don't feel whole. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel like a part of me was stolen. And I want you to understand that when we have that type of stuff happen, all of that is just a story that we're telling ourselves. Now, I'm not saying that you don't need to heal from your trauma. That's the exact opposite of what I'm saying. What I'm saying is just because something happened in the past doesn't mean that you need to bring it into your future with you. You're not broken. Every person on this planet goes through some shit, and just because something happened to you in the past doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. And it's just a story that you're telling yourself. It's not true, but you believe it. And that's the important thing to understand is that your story that you're telling yourself of, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not whole. Something was taken from me. It was stolen. Whatever it might be, it's not true, but we believe it. And the thing that we have to realize is the more that we repeat the story over and over and over again, the more that we believe that story. You know, and I've said this quote before, but there's a quote that says that if you tell a lie big enough, long enough, and strong enough, and you keep repeating it, eventually people will come to believe it. Person who said that was Hitler. If you tell a lie big enough and strong enough and you keep repeating it, eventually people will come to believe it. How often do we do that to ourselves? There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. I'm even hesitant saying this out loud in the podcast right now because I just don't want my subconscious to take this in. But how often do we say something to ourselves? You know, something happened to you seven years ago, 17 years ago, and you're continuing to say, I'm unlovable. I'm not good enough. I'm unlovable. I'm not good enough. You know, your husband cheated on you 19 years ago, and you've still been mostly single the last 19 years because you keep thinking, I'm not worthy of love. I'm unlovable. So what happens is we have an event that happens to us in the past and is traumatic, but we continue to pull this thing with us through our every single day and create a narrative around that thing to make us think that there's something wrong with us. And that's the trauma that we need to start to actually work through and try to release and try to change our story around ourselves. It's not that you're broken. It's not that you're unhole. It's not that you're unlovable. It's not that you're unworthy or that something is missing. It's that you won't stop repeating the story. And so if we're going to change ourselves and change our lives, we need to put ourselves in the driver's seat and not make ourselves victims anymore. What we need to do is instead of being victims of our circumstances and victims of our lives, we need to start being the author of our story and say, yeah, that fucking did happen to me. It did.

Like, for me.

Yeah. My father was an alcoholic, and he did pass away when I was 15 from being an alcoholic then. There was many things that happened around there. Him going to jail and, you know, not picking me up when he was supposed to pick me up and not being around and not necessarily taking care of me like, you know, a parent actually should. Was that traumatic? Yeah. Could I sit here and give an excuse as to. Well, I don't have what I want because my dad. Yeah, many people do. Or we could look at it and say, just because that happened to me in the past, in my, you know, chapter. Chapter nine through chapter 15 of my life, that happened. But I'm not going to continue reading chapter nine through 15 because I'm on chapter 37 right now. You can't allow those things to become your identity. You've got to be very aware of when you start to say, oh, there's something wrong with us. Oh, there's something wrong with me. I'm unlovable. I'm not smart enough. This happened to me years ago. You know, if you tell a child that there's monsters under their bed every day, they'll be terrified to go to bed. What monsters have you been creating in your own life? What ways have you been creating monsters and then terrifying yourself from doing what it is that you truly want to do because you're telling yourself a lie? Sure, it happened in the past. It's not happening anymore. And if you have trauma if you have something traumatic that happened to you in the past, we all have.

It's our.

It is the phrase I always like to say in the quote that I got from. I don't remember what was years ago, but it says it was not your fault, but it is your responsibility. All of those things that happened to you in your past, they're not your fault. You know, most of them are not your fault. You know, if you did something in a relationship that could have been your fault. But, you know, if you're a child and things happen to you, that's not your fault. But it is your responsibility to work through that thing. You know, for me, like, it's not my fault that my father's an alcoholic. It's not my fault that he never overcame, you know, his trauma from when his dad committed suicide. It's not my fault that he passed away when he was. When I was 15 years old. But it is my responsibility to heal myself from those things. It is my responsibility to continue to keep on the path and create the life that I want to. That is my responsibility. None of those things were my fault, but it is my responsibility. And you know, the problem with personal development, and I love personal development, clearly, obviously. But when we start to notice things that we want to improve in ourselves and the way we want to learn and grow, we can start to feel like we're starting from a negative state, like there's something wrong. Like, well, I'm not even normal because I've got XYZ wrong with me now. We've all got something wrong with us. We're all fucked up, right? But your mess is your message. It's the thing that you need to work through. It's your responsibility to do it. So then how do we start to solve this? So I'm gonna kind of give you some ideas of how you can start to work these things and solve it. The first thing that I would recommend is to talk with somebody, and there's a quote that I want you to remember, is that shame breeds in the dark. So when you have these things, I think that I had a whole lot of shame when I was younger about my father. A whole lot of shame. I never told anybody about my alcoholic father. He embarrassed me. He would show up to sports games, baseball games, basketball games wasted, and be that embarrassing parent that was inside of the. At the games and stuff like that. And so I didn't. When he passed away, I didn't tell anybody, and I didn't tell anybody for years about it. And I realized as I started getting on my personal development journey that shame breeds in the dark. And the less that I share it, the more that it has control over me. And the more that I share it, the more that I have control over it in the narrative, in how I want to be. So talk with someone, whether that's a friend, whether that's a therapist, whatever it might be, try to talk with somebody. The second thing is to start telling yourself a new story. Don't say that it didn't happen. I'm not saying that. But stop the story that you're telling yourself and tell yourself a new one. Yeah, this did happen to me. And this was a perfectly designed curriculum in my life because I'm going to do XYZ with it. You know, I train a lot of coaches on how to grow their coaching businesses. And one of the things that I love the most is that there's a lot of people who come in with traumas, but they've taken the trauma and said, I've learned a lot from it. I've grown a lot from it. And I'm going to use what I've learned from it to help other people who have gone through the same thing or are going through the same things. And so you've got to stop the story that you currently have. You've got to tell yourself a new one, and you've got to repeat it daily. You know, if you want to just keep. You just have to keep it going. Because, you know, you've told yourself whatever this lie is, that you're not good enough, or you're unlovable, there's something wrong with you, or that you're broken 10,000 times. So we've got to start to rewrite that story. And so that's the second thing. Third thing is to accept it. Accept that it happened to you. Accept that's who you are, what you've been through. Don't wish that it would have been different. It was perfect, it was exact. And you know, Peter Crono always says what happened, happened. It could not have happened any other way, because it didn't. It means that what happened to you, even though it might not have been what you wanted, it was what happened to you. Because there's something that you're supposed to learn from, there's something you're supposed to grow from it. Instead of making it something that's holding us back, can we extract lessons from it and allow it to allow us. Allow our learning from it and growing from it to get us better in our path? Of life. The fourth thing, this one's a hard one. Forgive. Forgive the person. Not for them. Don't forgive them for them. Forgive them for yourself. Forgive yourself is another person you should forgive as well. I have an entire episode you can go back and listen to on forgiveness that I think is really important, where I just talk about how forgiveness is the thing that's going to free you in your life because something could have happened to you 11 years ago and you're continuing to hold on to it. You're mentally, emotionally, physically, just still wrapped up in that thing. When you forgive, you allow yourself to get past it. Whether you're giving forgiving yourself for some mistakes that you made in the past or forgiving someone else for something that they did to you in the past, it allows you to let go of it. And the last one, as I've been saying throughout this podcast, realize that you're not broken. Your trauma builds you, and you can build a new identity for yourself from that trauma. What do you want that new identity to be? Realize there's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect exactly as you are. There's nothing that you could do or say to make you more whole or more of a person or more worthy or more acceptable than you currently are right now. You've just got to understand deep in your bones that there's nothing wrong with you, but that you're going to learn and grow and get better from what happened. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on Instagram. Stories Tag me at robdial Junior R O B D I A L J R and with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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