There Is Nothing Wrong With You | The Mindset Mentor Podcast

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you want some extra tips and tricks to improve your mindset, go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, Monday email Calm. Every Monday, I send out an email to everybody on that list, tens of thousands of people, about what I'm doing to improve myself. And some tips and tricks to improve your mindset a little bit more than just what I teach in the podcast. So if you want to learn from that, go to mondayemail.com it is absolutely free and you'll start getting an email from me in your inbox every single Monday. Today we're going to be talking about you. We're going to be talking about that there is nothing wrong with you. You're going to talk about the fact that you are not broken and that you are fully 100% perfect as you are in this moment. Think about that for a second. Just allow that to seep into your bones. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken, you don't need to be fixed, and you're perfect as you are. How does that feel? Does it feel good? Does it feel like, ah, that's bullshit? How does that feel inside of your body? In my line of work, I have seen a lot of things. I feel like I've seen it all. Every type of abuse you could possibly think of. People have told me their stories of mental abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, of suicides, of people that they love, of attempted suicides themselves, of people that they love getting murdered, of rapes, of everything. Like the worst of the worst of the human experience. I have seen people that come out to me and tell me these things and all of the terrible things in the world. And what I always have to go back to is that there is massive trauma in this world, trauma that's happened in this world, and trauma that people have gone through. Maybe you've been through trauma, maybe you haven't been through trauma. We've all been through some trauma. But maybe you're thinking to yourself, like, oh, mine wasn't that bad. I was just bullied in school or something like that. But your trauma doesn't have to be this massive thing in order for it to really leave a deep scar. Some people had great parents, they had great upbringing. They didn't have to worry about their food. But still, something happened to them. They were heartbroken in a relationship, they got cheated on. And some people feel bad because they feel like the life has been pretty good, it hasn't been that, quote, unquote bad. And they don't deserve to feel like they have trauma. And I'm here to tell you, as we go through today and we start talking about it, as you start to hear this, I want you to realize that trauma is trauma inside the body. There's no, like, hey, this trauma is bigger than this one. Trauma, in the way that it is stored is trauma inside of the body. And we all have some scars from going through our life. It's just the way that life is. You know, some people, I've heard people that have been beaten, I've heard people that say, you know, my dad worked all the time and he never gave me love. And they think that because their dad worked all the time to give him a great life, that their trauma is not that bad as being beaten or having something that's happened to them. And so you can hear other things away the other things that necessarily wouldn't think would be traumatic, be traumatized, but it affected them in a traumatic way in some. I'll talk about trauma and traumatic in just a minute. But they could say something like, my dad worked all the time and he was never around. Or, you know, my mother loved me, but she would pull her love away from me whenever she was mad. Or they could say, you know, my mom, she was great, but she was very fearful and she instilled fear inside of me because as her child, because she was afraid. And in some people's trauma is neglect. Sometimes it's emotional neglect, sometimes it's physical neglect. All of these types of things store inside of the body. All of those things in the brain and in the body are trauma, big trauma. And you can't see me if you're just listening to podcasts, but quote, unquote, big trauma, small trauma, that's a human measurement, right? Of what is big and what is small trauma at its simplest form is not getting something that you need from your development or something that happened in your development that might have been not very good for you. It could be a big event that closes you off to development later on in life in some sort of way, right? It could be having your heart broken when you're 16 years old, and then you store that and hold on to it, and now you don't open up fully to your next boyfriend or girlfriend, or maybe you're not even fully opened up to your wife because of that event and trying to protect yourself. And so the one thing, and the reason why I'm saying this, one thing that is very common that I see among people, is that people feel like there's something wrong with them because of these things. And they feel like there's something wrong with them because those things were shit. They sucked, right? But they haven't been able to heal past that thing. And it's not easy. I'm not gonna tell you that this is easy. But what I'm trying to tell you is that whatever happened, happened because there was probably something that you were supposed to learn from it. And that sounds like that makes no fucking sense for some of these things. And I get it, because I don't get it. But I know that every time I meet somebody who's gone through something really bad in their life, when they work through whatever that thing was and they heal, they find a really big lesson that changes the course of their life through it. And so we feel broken. We feel like we're not whole, we feel like we're not worthy. We feel like we're like good enough. We feel like there's something wrong with us and. And we feel like we don't deserve to be happy or healthy or wealthy or successful. And we're basically feel stuck. It's like being in a straight jacket and a thing happened to us and we bring that thing with us the rest of our life and it becomes a part of us because of an event and it stays a part of us. And so let's not go into like the really deep, deep things like I spoke about at first. Let's talk about just an example of being cheated on when you were 17 years old, 18 years old, whatever. It was like your first big heartbreak. We can have that happen, like I said a minute ago, and then get married and then not open up fully to your spouse because you're still trying to protect yourself because there's a part of you that's like, protect, protect, protect. Remember that thing that happened in the past, Protect. And we can literally close off a part of ourselves because of an event that happened at some point in time in our life. And so an example of if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time. Well, one of my favorite thing in the world, I love them is three legged dogs because they're such a great reminder. They're such a great reminder of they lost a leg and they have no idea they're still with four legs and with three legs. There's the same amount of happy, there's the same amount of love, there's the same amount of joy. Maybe they run a little bit slower, but they're still running. They're still hobbling around, and they're so. They're the perfect example of what we should try to be regardless of circumstances that happened in the past. Right? We work through them, we learn through them, we get better through them. Now you might be saying, well, yeah, but the dog doesn't remember that they used to have four legs. Sure, maybe they do, maybe they don't. I don't know what dogs are thinking, but there is a version of themself they used to be. There was something that happened to them, and there's a version of themself now. And for us, there's a version of who we used to be. There was a traumatic event, and then there's a version of ourself now. And, you know, like, a great example of this is my dog Toby, last year, started losing his eyesight. And I remember us feeling bad for him because he was losing his eyesight. He was kind of bumping into stuff. And I felt bad. I remember feeling bad, like, man, this poor guy, like, he doesn't see like he used to. But Toby didn't feel bad for himself. I was feeling bad for him. It was a human construction. He didn't feel bad for himself. He was still the same dog, just a little bit more cautious. Right? But he was the same dog. Same as the dogs that get a leg cut off, and now they have three legs instead of four. They don't feel bad for themselves, and so they haven't thought that something's wrong with them. Like, Toby didn't think there was something wrong with him because he wasn't seeing as well as he used to. And so many humans say, like, I feel broken. I don't feel whole. Like, I've had a lot of people come to me and have something traumatic happen to them. I can think of specifically one lady that came to me after a speech that I gave probably about five or six years ago. She told me of something traumatic. I won't explain the details to you guys, but she said to me, I feel like I. Her phrase was, I feel like I'm not whole. I feel like there's a part of me missing and like, a part of me was stolen. And in that case, what I had to do was kind of wake her up from this story that was running in her head. She told me this traumatic thing. She said, like, I Feel like I'm not. It was, it was terrible. It was terrible. Ridiculously terrible, right, that somebody had to go through what she went through. She said, but I feel like I'm not whole. I feel like I'm broken. And so to try to take her out of her story, I was looking at her, I was like, huh, what, what part of you, like, do you have all 10 of your toes? And she's like, yeah. I was like, do you have all ten of your fingers? Yeah, you got both your arms, you got both your legs, you got a head on your, you got two eyes, you got two ears. And I was like, what, what part of you is missing? And she's like, well, like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you said you feel like something's missing. You feel like you're not whole, you feel like you're broken. Where. Where's the missing part? And she's like, it's. I don't know, it's just a feeling. And I was like, okay, do you see how when I, when, when you look at the physical part of the human, like, there's nothing that's actually missing? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, so do you see that because of the, the events that happened in your life, you now feel like there's something missing, but there is nothing missing? And that, that's a story that you're telling yourself and, and she's like, oh, shit. Yeah, like I, I do. And it was kind of like a. I didn't change her life through this conversation, I don't think. But it's kind of an awakening of like, oh, this is a story I'm telling myself. And so when we look at trauma, there is something that happens. There's an event that is traumatic and then there's trauma, which is the story that the feeling that we are carrying with ourself after the event is over. So the example, if we go back to a three legged dog, the traumatic thing could be they were hit by a car and they had to get a leg removed. That was traumatic. But they don't have trauma because they're not bringing that event with them into the future. We as humans, we can bring an event with us and place it into our future for the rest of our life. If we don't become aware of it because it's a story that we're telling ourself, it might be true, it might not be true, I don't know. But what, what. The important part though is that we believe the story and the story can actually be the thing that's holding us back. And we repeat it to ourselves all day, every day, all day, every day. And it's like a song that's playing in the background and we just can't get that story out of our head. Let me rephrase that. We can get that story out of our head. A lot of times we're just not even aware that story is playing in the background. And we're telling ourself a story and over and over again and we're lying to ourselves about not being whole, about not being good enough, about being broken, about not being worthy of love or worthy of what everybody else has or whatever it might be. It's a story that is actually a lie, but we believe that lie. And you know, there's a famous person that said if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, eventually people will come to believe it. Let me say that one more time and I'll tell you who said it. If you tell a lie big enough and you keep repeating it, eventually people will believe it. Do you know who said that? Hitler. Hitler was the one that said that. If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, eventually people will come to believe it. So what we do in our own head is exactly that thing. We start lying to ourself and telling ourselves a story and repeat it over. You're not worthy of love. You're not. It's subconscious, deep in the back of our head, it's you're not good enough. You're not worthy of love. You're not worthy of love. You're not worthy of love. Remember when that person cheated on you. You're not worthy of love. You gave your entire heart to that person. They broke it. And we tell this story and we've been telling it long enough that now we believe it. It's not that you're broken, it's not that you're unwhole. It's not that you're unlovable. It's not that you're unworthy. It's not that something is missing. It's that you won't stop repeating the story to yourself. Which is us taking a traumatic event and bringing it, like something could have happened to, you know, like I could take my example, you know, most traumatic thing that ever happened to me, and I always use this as an example, is my father passing away, you know, November 1, 2001, over 20 years ago at this point. That was traumatic. But that happened once and I could bring that story with Me the rest of my life. And that is me repeating the story and bringing the trauma with me. There was an event which is traumatic, and there's trauma which is me bringing that event or that story with me. It can't be your identity. That's the thing that we have to realize. What we went through, what you've been through could have been crazy, could have been terrible, could have been fucking horrible. But it doesn't have to be a part of you. It doesn't have to make you feel like you're less than or that you're not as worthy as anybody else of anything on this entire earth. One of the meditations that I love to do is through a guy. His name is Mooji M O O J I. He has these morning meditate. He has these meditations that I do in the morning sometimes. And one of the ones that he says, I've mentioned this before in the podcast, is that you have no pockets. There is no storehouse in the way that I take that. Maybe it's what he means, maybe it's not. But the way that I take it, when he says you have no pockets, like, I'm wearing pants right now. I'm wearing, you know, khaki pants. Are there pockets on my pants? Yeah, there's. There's. I got two on the sides and two on the back. So I've got four pockets on me, but my physical body has no pockets. I don't have a storehouse of things that I can put things in. And what that means is I was born into this earth naked. I'm gonna die into this. When I eventually die naked, there's nothing that I could do, say, create, buy, amass in my entire life to make me more or less than who I always have been. And so when you really get that deep inside of you of, like, there's nothing I could do would make me more worthy. There's no amount of money I could make that would make me more worthy. There's no thing that I could accomplish that would make me better. You know, if this podcast grows and it becomes the biggest podcast in the world. I'm not better than, you know, five years ago, five years from now, if that does happen, than I am right now in this very moment. I'm not better by getting the number one podcast in the world. Not better if I make millions of dollars every single day. I'm not better better than I currently am. And you right now are not worse than the right now, than the future version of you that you see you will always be the exact same version of the person. You will always be you. It's just a different life that you have. It's different circumstance. You know, if you tell a child, you know, if you have children, you tell your child every single day that there's monsters under the bed. Every night when they go to bed, they're gonna be terrified to walk into that room and to go to bed. What monsters have you been creating in your own life? Cause you're telling yourself a lie. The same way that you're lying to that child and telling them over and over and over again that there are monsters under the bed. They're gonna be terrified about going into that room or going into that bed. It's a lie. But you've been doing the exact same thing with yourself. Oh, this thing happened to me and I'm not worthy. This thing happened to me and I'm fucked up. This thing happened to me and I'm not good enough. Thing happened to me, and this is the reason why I'll never succeed or never be who want to be or why I don't deserve what other people deserve. And this is, this is what becomes hard about personal development is personal development. When you first get into it, you're like, yeah, this is awesome. This is exciting. But then you start to see what you want to be, and you realize that you're not there yet. Like, you want to. You see the person that you could be and you could be, quote, unquote, improved. You could be a more expansive version of yourself. Because I don't. I don't like to say improve, because improve means to say something that you will be better, means that you're automatically worse at this point in time. And so I like to say expansive. You're more of an expansive version of yourself as you learn and grow and all those things. And when you start to see all the ways that you can grow, you start to look at yourself and go, well, that means I'm not good enough right now. And you can start to see yourself from a negative perspective. Just, I'm negative. I'm just trying to get to normal, trying to get past all of my shit. And so how do we solve this whole situation? I'm gonna give you a couple steps. Actually solve this situation. The first thing I think is most important as you start to work through these is just talk to someone. Shame breeds in the dark. And so if you feel shameful, find someone that you trust. You could talk to about these things. Because the way that you view yourself is not the way that someone that you love views you. That's definitely not it. Like, if you're viewing yourself in a certain way and then you go to your best friend, you go to your spouse, you go to your boyfriend, girlfriend, your parents, whatever it is, someone that you like deeply trust more than anybody else, and you tell. Tell them how you feel. Just getting it off your chest is gonna make you feel a million times better. But you'll also be able to see their reflection of you and realize that what you're thinking about yourself is not actual reality. It is not absolute truth. It is this fake truth that you made up in your own head. So first thing I would say is, as you're processing, see if there's someone you could talk to. Even if you don't have anyone that you wanna talk to or you're ashamed to talk about these things. Find a therapist. Find someone that can help you work through these things, someone that you can talk to and get it out. Because shame breeds in the dark. That's the first thing that I think you should do. Second thing I think you should do is tell yourself a new story. Stop the story. First off, identify the story you've been telling yourself and then start telling yourself a new story, whatever that might be, and repeat it all day. Find a phrase or a sentence that you. You've been. You're now identifying this old story that you've had. Find a new story and start repeating it over and over and over and over and over again so that it is. It is ingrained into your being. Because that's what we really want, is people to do that. You know, if you look at everything that you do, how many times are we telling stories that aren't actually true? And so what we got to do is identify the story, come up with a new story. We want to tell ourself and start telling ourself that. Because it can get stuck in your head, good or bad. So if we have the bad stuck in our head, we might as well get the good stuck in our head. Like, if I were to put on right now Spice Girls and I were to play this in the pod, I can't play it on podcast because it's. I don't have the license to it. But if it was just like, oh, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want. So tell me what you want, what you really, really want. And I play that for 30 seconds. 99% of the people who leave this podcast are going to have that shit stuck in the head the rest of the day, right? Can we get the story we want stuck in our head the same way that we can get Spice Girls stuck in our head? That's what we're working towards. So tell yourself another story is the second one. The third thing is to accept. Accept who you are, accept what you've been through, accept that you know you wish it would have been different, but it wasn't. We've got to accept, and we've got to move past it. Step number four, not an easy one, but I did a podcast episode on this a little while ago is forgive. Forgive the person, not for them. If somebody did something to you, don't forgive them for them, forgive them for you. And I don't have time to dive into this one. I did an entire episode on forgiveness and the importance of it and exactly all of the way that we should look at forgiveness. I think it's one of the best podcast episodes I've ever created because I went so deep into it. And after I got done recording it, I was like, damn, I think that's going to help a lot of people, and I really hope that it does. Go back to that podcast, scroll back and find the one on forgiveness and go through that. That's the fourth step, is to forgive so that you can get rid of it. Not to help them feel better about themselves, but for you to be able to get past it. And then number five is to realize that you're not broken. Your trauma builds you into the person that you are. There is wisdom in that trauma. Gabor, Mate, psychologist that deals with trauma, specifically has a documentary called the Wisdom of Trauma. Talks about how we learn and grow. And there's a lot of wisdom and lessons in trauma that we can grow from. And you can build a new identity in yourself from that trauma. Can you see that thing and go, yes, this is what I was given. It was fucking hard. I really didn't want to do it. But that's not gonna be the death of me. This is gonna be the building point of me, the new version of me. That's what I was, what I was given in this world so that I could become something different. And when you can start to do that and build, realize that you're not broken, you can actually rebuild yourself like the Phoenix from that trauma that happened to you. And instead of it holding you back, it actually propels you forward into becoming the absolute best version of yourself, because you're not broken, you're not fucked up, you're not on whole. There's nothing wrong with you. You are perfect as you are. So once you realize it is when things get a lot better. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me obdialjr R O B D I A L J R Also follow the podcast on Instagram. It is the Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, the Mindset Mentor Podcast on Instagram and I'm going to leave it the same way they view every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.