"THIS IS Why You're NOT HAPPY In Life!" (Secret To Happiness) | Rob Dial

There has never been a study that's been done like this. Some of them became drug addicts, some of them became successful, some of them became CEOs. And one person in the study even became the President of the United States. Today we're going to be talking about what the secret to happiness is and what it takes to live a really good life. And this actually came from a video that I watched years ago. And it's a TED Talk from a Harvard professor over a 75 year study that Harvard did to try to figure out what makes a really good life. And it's this incredible story because there has never been a study that's been done like this. And I'm gonna tell you why that is, first off. Well, the first thing you need to realize is when you look at how people live their lives right now, if you look at millennials, there was a study that was done on millennials, and they found out that 80% said their life goal is to become rich. 50% of them said, said that their life goal is to become famous. So if you look at that, the reason why people go for rich and the reason why they go for famous, because they think that those things will make them happy. They think that becoming rich will make them happy. Having a lot of money will make them happy. Becoming famous will make you happy. And we all know if we're old enough, we've seen enough stories that those things don't make you happy. And in a lot of cases, they actually do the opposite. Sometimes people go for being rich, they make the money, they realize it doesn't change their life, and then they don't know what to base their life off of. And the exact same thing for famous as well. And you have to step back and ask yourself, like, do those things truly make people happy? They don't. And if they do, what is the secret to happiness? And how can we start to progress in the way of making ourselves happier? So the best part about this study that Harvard did is that they took teenage boys, literally teenage boys, all the way into their 90s. And they studied them and asked them questions, brought them in every two years from teenagers, teenagers into their 90s. It's the longest study of adult lives that has ever happened before. And they had 724 teenage boys that they studied from all walks of life, from the richest parts of town all the way to the poorest parts of town all over Boston. Some of them became drug addicts, some of them became successful, some of them became CEOs. And one person in the study even became the President of the United States, which they don't name who it was, but at least you have an idea. All walks of life, all things that could happen to them. And currently, 60 of these men are still alive. So out of the 724, 60 of them are still alive. And so what they decided to do was to continue the study. And they continue the study with their wives. They continue the study every two years with their children. And now they've continued the study with their grandchildren. And over 2,000 grandchildren are now a part of this study as well. So they're literally every two years checking in on these people to find out what is the secret to happiness. And so I'm going to tell you the secret to happiness in this episode. That's what we're going to dive into. So what were the lessons that were learned? Three lessons, three main takeaways that they learned by studying these guys for, you know, 60, 70 years, 75 years, number one, the number one thing that they found that brought the most happiness to somebody's life was good relationships make us happier and interestingly enough, make us healthier. You heard me right, the best relationships, the people who had the best relationships in their life, it made them happier, but not only happier, it also made them healthier. And so the thing that we're starting to find out, and it's a fact, there's tons of studies that, especially now with all the stuff that happened with the pandemic, we know that loneliness kills. I saw a study that said being lonely every single day is the equivalent of what it does to your body, of having 15 cigarettes every single day. Loneliness kills people that have people in their lives that are great relationships. Not just relationships, but great relationships we're going to dive into that are happier, healthier, and live longer. So if you take nothing else from what I'm going to say, make sure that you have deep relationships. You don't have to have tons of relationships, but have deep relationships. The people that were the most well connected with their friends, with a significant other, with their children, lived longer than those who didn't. And so the people who felt isolated said that they were less happier and their brain function actually stopped earlier than those who had great relationships. So not only did they feel better, but their brains actually worked better as well. So that was one of the things that they found that was super, super important. The second thing they found is that it's not the number of friends that actually matter. You can have one, two really good friends. Because I remember When I was younger, it was about having as many friends as possible. I don't know about you, but as I get older, it's about less friends but deep quality relationships. So it's not just a number of friends, but that doesn't really matter. It's the number of committed relationships, quality relationships that somebody has, and the depth of the relationships they have as well. They found that people that were in high conflict relationships, so this is staying in a relationship with somebody, whether that's a friendship or whether that's, you know, somebody that's in your family. But people that were in high conflict relationships were actually worse off than people who got a divorce. So people who got a divorce actually did better than people who stayed in a relationship that was a high conflict relationship with somebody. And they didn't leave because, you know, they just thought they were stuck or they didn't do it because of the kids or whatever it is. And the one thing that was a very key indicator is at age 50, when they studied people, when they were at age 50, the thing that predicted future health more than anything else was the quality of the relationships that they were in. So when they studied people in their 50s and then they, 30 years later became 80 year olds, the people that had quality relationships at 50 years old were the ones who lived the longest and were the healthiest at 80 years old. So look around you. Who is around you? Is it people that are bringing you up? People that are making you feel better? People that are, you know, you can have deep intellectual relationships with people that you could be vulnerable with and show who you truly are? Or are the people that are around you people that make you feel worse? People that feel like they're taking energy from you, People that feel like, you know, being around them is an energy suck. So I would say people are one of two things. People either batteries or they're vacuums. What do I mean by batteries or vacuums? A battery is somebody who gives you energy. Being around them makes you feel better. They energize you. They push you to be better. That is someone who's a battery. The vacuums are people who suck the energy out of you. Like a vacuum. You know, you could be around there for 20 minutes and you leave their house and you're like, shit, I feel so tired. Right. So the people that are around you, are they batteries? Are they vacuums? If they're vacuums, they're going to not physically, like, come over and murder you, but they're going to kill you sooner if you have bad Relationships. So you got to think about that. You should be surrounding yourself with only people who are batteries and get rid of. Sorry, I'm just going to say it the way it is. Get rid of the people who are the vacuums and are sucking the energy from you. So the people who had the best relationships at 50 were the healthiest at 80. People that were in their 80s that had good relationships when they felt physical pain. This is the interesting thing. When they were in their 80s and they had physical pain, they said it wasn't as bad because the fact they had quality people around them. But the people who were in their 80s that had bad physical pain said that it actually was worse when they were lonely. So the lonely people had worse pain in their bodies than the people who didn't. Because the people who had great relationships and weren't lonely. So that's the second thing. And the third thing is that they've actually found that relationships, good quality relationships, protect our brains and they also protect our bodies. The people who are in good relationships where they feel like they can trust their spouse, they feel like they can trust their friends, they feel like they can trust the people around them and be vulnerable around them in their 80s, it actually protected their brain and their memories stayed sharper. The people who said that they didn't feel like they could trust the people around them in their 80s, their memory declined significantly. And it's interesting because I think about just in my family, my grandparents, my grandfather died when he was in his. I think he was 95. My grandfather died. My grandmother died when she was 93. They were together for 71 years. And they were sharp. I mean, I was in hospice with my grandfather and he was sharp as hell. And it was literally like he was sharp as hell. And then one night he died. I was like, how in the hell that happened? It was crazy. It was his body that gave out. But they were people who were always together. They have. I mean, our family is super tight. They were always reading, but they were always sharp. And so one of the things that they find is that people who have quality relationships when they're in their 80s, their memory and their brains are actually protected and they stay sharper into longer age, older age, which is kind of crazy if you think about it. People that were in bad relationships with people they felt like they could not trust, their memories decline a whole hell of a lot faster. So what's the moral of the story? Good relationships equal better health. Good deep relationships equal better health. You don't have to have a Ton of people around you. You've just got to have some people around you. And people who are the happiest in their retirement were those who actively worked to replace those workmates that they had with new playmates. So this was interesting as well. One of the things that people really worry about with retiring is what are they going to do when they retire? And so when people retire, a lot of times, they realize that a lot of their friends are literally just from work, the people they hang out with in their workplace. So what happened was the people who lived the longest also had new friends that they picked up along the way. So they were talking about how, you know, they might have been a construction worker in a factory, whatever it was, and they might have been a manager there. And by the time they retired, then they started playing tennis and they got new friends that they played tennis with, and that kept them sharp versus just being like, oh, my old friends are gone. I don't have my work friends anymore, and sitting around the house doing nothing. So one of the things that was important as well that they mentioned inside the study is that they actually found that the people who did really well were the type of people who would reach out to people in their family they haven't spoken to in years. And so what they did was they went back and mended old relationships that weren't doing as well as they could have been doing. And so these people, they sat down with them every two years. They came to their house, they did blood samples, they did CAT scans, they did all of their body. And they found that these people that live the longest, that were the healthiest, that felt the best, whose memory stayed the sharpest, were people who literally worked on relationships and worried about the relationships being as good as they possibly could, other than the people who are like, I'm just gonna, you know, sit by myself. Loneliness kills. So if you're out there and you're listening to this, you gotta ask yourself a few things. You know, when you look at all of the people that you're surrounded with, all of the people that are around you, do you feel that you can have quality conversations with them? Do you feel like you can trust them? Do you feel like you could be vulnerable with them? If you don't, number one, maybe you should find people who you can be open, honest, and vulnerable with. And number two, a lot of times that I've found with people who can't be open, honest, and vulnerable with people around them, the reason why is because they can't be vulnerable with themselves. They don't know themselves intimately. And when you don't know yourself intimately, you can't share you know yourself intimately with other people around you as well. And so, listening to this, I always like to say that success leaves clues. You can hear that everywhere. Success leaves clues. If someone's a successful multimillionaire, they've probably left clues along the way as to how they've done it. There's steps to get there. If you want to live a happy life, if you want to live a long life, why don't you look at people who have lived life before you and say, okay, if I don't build quality relationships, there is a pretty good chance that my brain, my body, my health, all of that stuff will decline at a faster level than if I don't. Than if I were to build all of these. So then you go, okay, if that's the case, I'm looking around, maybe you do have a quality relationship, maybe you don't. But then you look and you say, okay, are there any relationships that I might need to trim out of my life? We had the snow apocalypse here in Austin, and I have agave that are outside in. Our landscaper came by and said we need to trim some of the agave because the snow killed them, right? And if I leave those killed parts, like the dead parts on the agave, it will eventually rot the rest of the agave, right? So the dead branch on the agave will kill the rest of it if I don't take it off. That's how you should think of your relationships. You should trim off some of the dead relationships from you, because if you don't, those rotten relationships will tend to rot you, and it will be a steeper decline in your health and your happiness in your brain if you don't. So learn from people who have been there before. Take advice from people who have been there before. Figure out a way to make your conversations deeper, to find people that you can trust to open yourself up to yourself and then open yourself up to other people. Because when you can be open, honest, and vulnerable, people around you feel like you can trust them, they can trust you. You will tend to live longer, and you will also be happier. So take the advice from people live before you work on your relationships. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. If you want to learn even more about mastering your mind, click right here and watch this video as well. My business that was killing it at the time completely went to crap. I lost all of my money. I was five months behind on my car payment, and I was living off of pasta. And I thought to myself, this isn't my life. Like, this isn't what my life is going to be. I need to create something, something of myself.