This Will Make You Successful

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode of this podcast. We spend the majority of our lives, our waking hours, at a job. That's a fact. The majority of the time that we spend awake, we do nothing else more than work. So that's the first thing that I want to set. We spend more time working than doing anything else that we do. And here's the sad fact. 85% of people in the United States don't enjoy what they do. This is a recent Gallup poll. 85% of people do not enjoy what they do in America and in China and Japan, that number is 94%. So between 85 to 94% of people don't love what they do, but they spend the majority of their life doing it. So if you're at a job that you hate, it is a complete, absolute waste of your life. Now, let's dive in a little bit deeper. Most people do that even though they hate doing it. And they think to themselves, all right, well, you know what? I'm just going to work until I get to 65, and then I can finally retire. That's what people think. I'm going to just put my head down, I'm going to work. It's okay if I hate my job. I'm going to do it so that I can eventually get to my retirement age, and then I can live the life I've always wanted to live. But let's be real. Once you get to 65, you don't have as much energy, you don't have as much time, you don't have as much vibrancy for life in most cases as you would if you were in your 20s, 30s, 40s, going out and traveling and living the job that you want and doing everything that you want to in your life. That's just a fact. But here's the crazy thing. The majority of people get to 65, and they're not able to retire because they were working a job that they hated, they didn't save enough money, and now they can't retire. So now they got to work till 70, 72 years old. And let's just say, for instance, if you look at the average person gets their first real job around the age of 20 to 22 years old, and then they have, you know, until. Let's just say they do get to retire at 65, well, then that means if they're Lucky. They'll get to 80 years old. Only about 80% of people, actually 65% of people live to 80 years old, so that means 15 years. So they spend from 20 to 65, that's 45 years working a job that they probably don't enjoy so that they can have 65 to 80 years old, which is a smaller. Only 15 years, or 65 to 80, I guess you could say, is actually 15 years. They spend that time living it up, enjoying life. That's what they think, right? But then they don't have the money that they want to. If they do have the money they want to, they don't have as much energy as they want to. And so that's why I think that you should quit your job if you dread Mondays. Now, let me preface this a little bit. Don't quit and put yourself in crazy, terrible financial strain. I don't want you to do that. But what I do want you to do is start to actually think about what it is that you want to do. I understand that you might not be able to leave your job today, but if you know that you hate your job and you're now listening to this podcast, now, you have to realize you don't have to know exactly what you want to do right now. But if you're not in constant search and make that the mission to do what you want to do, then it's an issue. You need to start thinking about, what is it that I want to do? What is it that makes me feel alive? What is it that I absolutely love? And some of you, I get it. You have children, you have a mortgage, you have a family, you have bills to pay. I understand. I hear you. But you have to realize this. You are raising your children. They're watching everything that you do. They're going to become a lot like you. I don't know if you're. If you're like me, but I look at some of the things I do and I'm like, damn, that was basically my mom. Like, I am literally a lot of. In a lot of aspects. I do a lot of things exactly the same. So in the same case, if you're working a job that you hate just to provide for your family, your children are going to grow up and do what the same thing that you've done. And if they're doing the same thing that you've done, they're going to probably get a job that they hate just so they can pay the bills. Because if they see mom or dad working a job that they hate so they can pay the bills. They automatically think that's the way that the world works. Oh, job is just something that you hate. You just have to pay the bills. And so what happens? They grow up and do the exact same thing that you did. Then what happens? They raise their children, your grandchildren, to do the exact same thing. And as Alan Watts likes to say, it's all wretch and no vomit. Like, there's no change. There's no. I'm going to step out and do something completely different. You know, I think that I was lucky enough because my mom worked on her own. So I saw she was self employed. I saw her be self employed. So for me, it was an easy route to be like, screw it, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to. I dropped out of school. I was like, I don't want to go to college and get a job that I hate. By the time I was in college, I was making more money than I would have if I had just gone the college route because I was in a sales position. And my mom was actually one that said, hey, you know, why do you go to school in the first place? I was like, to make money. She goes, what are you already doing? I was like, making money. She goes, so why do you need to be there? She was like, the little. I kind of needed her permission to leave school is the way I felt it. And she was kind of that permission. She's like, well, if you don't love it, you don't want to be there, then just go. But so many people, they're raising their children to do the exact same thing. Now, once again, I don't want you to put yourself in financial strain, but I want you to think, if I hate my job right now and it doesn't fulfill me, can I eventually leave to do something that I love? I'm not saying don't have a job and just live on the streets. I'm saying, can you change jobs into doing something that you love? Even if you make less money? Isn't that still more fulfilling? Isn't it better to wake up and be excited about what you do versus hate what you do? Think about that for a second. I would be okay making less money but loving what I do as long as I wasn't doing something that I hated and wasting my life away at it. Here's what's really interesting, though. This is the kind of like the paradox that people don't realize. Whenever you leave your job and you do something that you love. You love it so much that you're willing to work harder at it. And when you work harder at it, you become better, and you become better and you become better. And you can eventually become world class at something and charge a premium for whatever your services are. So what's crazy is that you might leave a job that pays you $60,000 a year. In year one of doing what you truly love, you might make 40,000. Then you move up to 42,000, you move up to 48,000, you start getting better and better and better because you love what you do. You're willing to work hard at it because it doesn't feel like work and you actually truly want to do it. And then what happens? You get better, and you better and better. Seven years down the road, you're making 65,000, then you're making seven, you're making 80. And in the long run, you make more money doing what you love because you love to do it and you're passionate about it. And you don't see it as work, you just see it as something that's a part of you, versus working this job that you stayed at for security. Now, there's one thing that we do know. If you see what's going on in the world right now, what people thought were secure jobs, you know, they went the secure route, the safe route. You know, a lot of things came in, completely stripped them of it, and now they're looking for a job even though they were working a job that they hated. Now they're looking, oh, that was secure. It's not secure as I thought it was. The most secure job that you can have in the world is being really, really good at what you do so that you're unfirable, or number two, is to do something where you're your own boss. The most secure job in the world is working for yourself because nobody can fire you. That's the really interesting thing about it. We always think secure is like going the secure route, the traditional route. You go to school, you get a job, you go and you get promoted. You get promoted. No, a company can just get rid of you as soon as they want to. And the way that I realize this and the person I think says it the best, Jim Carrey, he was talking about a commencement speech, and he mentions his dad. And the thing that he says about his dad is that his dad was an incredible saxophone player. He was the funniest guy that he ever met. And he wanted to be a saxophone player and a comedian, but he had A family. And he had this family, and he ended up becoming an accountant instead. And he watched his dad go to a job that he hated every single day. And then his dad, like 15, 20 years later, got fired from that position that he hated. And then they became homeless because he didn't have a backup plan. He became homeless, and they lived in their car for a little while. And Jim Carrey says this quote, I learned a lot of things from my dad, but not the least of which is that you can fail at something that you hate, so you might as well take a chance at doing something that you love. Let me say that again. He watched his dad get fired from a job that he hated. So we saw that as a failure at doing something that you hated. And so he thought to himself, if you can fail at what you hate doing, I might as well take a chance at something that I love doing. You have to live a fulfilled life, even if you make less, because would you rather have your children be happy or successful? Right. So, you know, and here's the thing. They might not even be successful. Might just go to a job and just make 60, 65 thousand dollars a year. But for me, for my children, I'd rather have them, even if they make less money, I'd rather have them be fulfilled and love the life that they have. And so you got to think, what am I teaching my children? Even if I'm not teaching it to them directly, what are they seeing me do because they're going to follow in my footsteps once again? I'm not saying quit your job. I'm just saying that if you don't love your job, you need to get out of it at some point in time. It's okay for right now to be working a job that you don't love because you're now waking up to the fact that maybe you don't love it, but it's not okay to be in constant pursuit of that which is something that you love. It's fine to work a job for a little while. It's not fine to work there forever if you hate it. You know, maybe you have to. You don't have to get a bigger house or a newer car all of the time or feel like you have to keep up with the Joneses or have that really special job title so that you think people respect you. No, what it is about is not getting stuck in the rat race, not feeling like you have to keep up with the Joneses and buy things that you. It's like the quote, we buy things we work jobs that we hate to buy things that we don't want, to impress people that we don't like, right? It's like, why don't we just do what we want to do instead of having to buy that new car? You know, maybe what we do is we say, screw it. I'll save that money. And what I'll do is I'll work a job that I love, something that makes me feel fulfilled inside. Because the best that we know, guys, we only get one life. Maybe there's reincarnation, maybe there's not. I'm not smart enough to know I've never died to be on the other side. Not that I know of. And so you have to realize, to the best of our knowledge, we get one of these things. And if you're not living a fully 100% fulfilled life and you hate what you do, it's a waste. And I don't know about you, but my biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and wishing that I could have done something more, wishing that I could have done something I love, wishing that I could have brought more to the world, more joy to the people around me, to my community, to my family, to children, everyone else that surround me. You have to realize we're caught up in a society where you are taught you need to go the safe route, right? We wake up at, what, three, four, five years old, and we're like, all right, we got to go to school. We go to school. We're stuck inside of a box. We stay inside of that box for the longest time. What happens? They say, oh, you're in kindergarten. Make sure you do really good so you can get to first grade. And make sure you do really good so you get to second grade and third and fourth and so on, and you get to high school. And they say, make sure you do really good in high school so that you can get into a good college. And then when you're in college, they say, make sure you do really good in college so that you can get a good job. And then when you get into a good job, they say, make sure you do really good so you can get promoted, so you can make more money, so you can get promoted, so you can make more money, so you can get promoted, so you can make more money. And you wake up at 45, 50 years old, and you're like, what the hell have I been doing with my life? There's a reason why there's a phrase called a midlife crisis is because people wake up and Go. What the hell am I doing with my life? Whose life am I living? Is this what I wanted to do? And then what happens? It's a crisis because they feel stuck. They don't know how to get out of it, because the box that they were raised in is now the box that they feel stuck in. And to now try to reprogram yourself, to leave a job, to think completely different, to get out of your comfort zone, is scary as hell. And I get it. I used to have a client that would call him the Golden Pellets. Every two weeks, he'd get those golden rat pellets. Those golden rat pellets are his paycheck. Those are what keep him. They're golden, but they're rat pellets. They're poison as well. And it's what keeps you inside of that loop. It's a reason why they call it the rat race. And some people, most people will stay inside of that rat race forever. Some people, maybe you, this might be a spark that gets you going, that goes, you know what? Maybe I can't leave right now, but I'm leaving this. There's no way in hell that I'm going to continue down this path. I'm leaving this, and I'm going to go ahead and create the life that I want to. It might take me six months, it might take me a year, it might take me two years, but I'm going to leave. I will not stay at a place that I don't love. I will not waste my waking hours doing something that I don't want to do. You weren't born to just pay the bills and die. Take that one in for a second. You were not born to pay the bills and die. You were born to thrive. You were born to live this life with as much joy and passion and love as you possibly can. And if you're going to a job and spending majority of your hours doing something that you hate, that's going to restrict your joy, your passion for life, you're going to come home, you're not going to be able to because you're so spent on mentally exhausted from being at work. When you come home and interact with your kids, you're not going to have the energy and the joy and the love and the passion, and guess what? They're not going to get all of you. But when you come home from something that you love and you're excited about life, you give more to your children and the people around you. So not only is it your actual self that's being affected by the job that you have. It's everyone around you. It's something to consider. And it's with great love and respect that I want to tell you this. We're all going to die. We're all going to end up as dust. But you are in charge of what you do with your waking hours. If you don't love what you do, find some way to leave and do something that you love and be able to get paid doing that thing that you love. Even if you make less money, even though here's a secret, like I said, in the long run you will eventually make more money. Don't worry about keeping up with the Joneses. Don't worry about the bigger house. Don't worry about being judged. Worry about living the life that you want, doing something that you love with the people that you love so that you can deliver and be the best human, the best father, the best brother, sister, mother, father, cousin, everything that you can be for the people around you. I'm going to talk about why 90% of people end up living their lives and then dying with regret. Now I'm going to talk about it so that you don't have to. That's an important thing you have to learn from other people so that you can improve your life. And there's an incredible book called Five Regrets of the Dying in the Number One Regret. Actually, before I go about the number one regret, let me tell you about what the book's about. The book is a lady who lives in hospice or works in hospice for people who. She's a nurse there and she's around people who are dying all of the time. And she starts to notice that there's five really common regrets that people have as they're dying. And the number one regret, which is what we're going to talk about today, the number one regret of people who are on their deathbeds. They've lived their entire lives and they're at the very end. There is no way out. Their number one regret is that I wish I lived a life that was true to myself and not the life that others expected of me. Let that sink in for a second. The number one thing that people regret when they're at the end of their lives is that they wish they lived a life that was true to themselves and not the life that others expected of them. And there's a couple reasons why this exists, and I'm going to talk about two reasons. Number one is our absolute need for acceptance from other people that holds us back. I'M going to talk about that. And number two is I feel like most people don't know who they truly are. And if you don't know who you truly are, then you don't know what you truly want. And so let's go over the first one first. People's need for acceptance holds them back from everything that they want. There's an incredible quote that Jim Carrey has when he's giving a commencement speech, and he says, your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world. We learn from a young age, whether it's our parents or society or our family or our friends, our. We learn that we have to act a certain way and we have to fit in into society. And so from a young age, we develop what's called a personality. Now, just so you know, personality comes from the Greek word Persona. The Greek word Persona is actually the mask that people would wear when they were acting on stage back in ancient Greece. So that personality that you have is. Is a mask that you're wearing so that you can fit in with what you think you should be or what you have been raised to be. So ultimately, what happens from a young age is we make ourselves into a character of who we think other people want us to be. Whether that's our parents, whether that's society, whether that's fitting in with our friends, whatever it is. We make ourselves into a character of who we think other people want us to be. It starts off as everything does with our parents. If you had great parents or terrible parents, we still, as children, mold ourselves into what we feel like our parents want us to be, how they want us to act, how they act. And sometimes it's not even what they specifically say to us, it's also what we watch them doing. Have you ever noticed one time where you're just doing something, you're like, oh my God, that was exactly like my mom. Oh my God, that was exactly like my dad. It's not that they force that onto us, it's that we learn the world by learning from what they say to us. But actually more than anything else is watching them. So if your parents have a personality, a Persona, a character that they've developed, children tend to take on their parents character as well. And so what happens is when we act a certain way as we're young, we figure out what we're supposed to do, what we're not supposed to do, right? We learn it from our parents and we start to develop that personality. And then what happens, we start to hang out around other Children. And we want to be around other children. We want to be accepted by other children. It's built into us to be tribal beings. So we want to be accepted. We don't want to be kicked out of the tribe because 100,000 years ago, to be kicked out of the tribe meant certain death. And so it's built into our brains to have the need for acceptance from others around us. So it starts with our parents, and then we get older. And then as we're, you know, five, six, seven, eight years old, we start to develop a personality, a character, a mask, a Persona of what we think other people want us to be. And then what do we do? We start acting a certain way so that we fit in. I still remember. I still feel bad. I'm 30, about to be 35 years old. I still feel bad for calling a girl named Tracy a. On the bus on the way back from school, in middle school on Anna Maria Island, a name that I thought was really, really harsh. And after those words came out of my mouth, I was like, that wasn't me. I can't believe I said that. But I can't take it back. And the only reason why I said it was because I remembered that I thought other kids would think it was funny. I developed a. I said something that was completely out of my character to her. And I still feel bad about it, like, 28 years later, 20 years later, whatever. 25 years later, I still feel bad about it because that's not who I am, but it's who I thought I needed to be to be accepted. So let me take a step back. Who did you need to be or who did you think you needed to be in order to be accepted by your parents? Have you ever thought about that for a second? Who did you need to be or who did you think you needed to be to be accepted by other children when you were younger? Who did you need to be or who did you think you needed to be to be accepted in high school, in college, in your first relationships, you develop a Persona. And a lot of times what happens is we do what we think other people think that we should do, so we go to college. When in reality, some of us don't want to go to college because we feel like that's just. I don't know. I'm 17 years old. I'm 18 years old. I don't know what the best decision is, but it seems like what everyone's telling me is that I have to go to this college. And so we go to college. Even though sometimes we might not want to go to college, or maybe we go to college and we get a degree or start studying for a degree that we don't truly want. But it's what our parents tell us is the safest route. Or we get it because we know that that job is going to make the most money. And so we go on a pursuit of not what we truly want, not what we truly, truly desire, but we go on a pursuit of what we feel other people want from us, or what we feel will get us accepted, or what we feel will make us more money, which will make us more successful, which will then change other people's perception of us, make us feel a certain way. Then we keep going. We get out of college, we get a job. And sometimes we get a job just because we want other people to think of us in a certain way. Oh, I want to get this job. I want to. To be a doctor so that people think of me in a high way. They think that I'm a great person or whatever it is. And we get a job and we do what we think other people want us to do, when in reality we still don't know what the hell we want to do. And then what happens? There's something called a midlife crisis for a lot of people. Some people have theirs. I had my midlife crisis at 24. I had a quarter life crisis. Some people have it 30, 40, 50, 60. And we wake up from this sleep that we've been in, this autopilot that we've been working on, and we get the feeling of, this isn't what I want, but am I too far down the road to turn back now? I can't tell you how many messages I got from people that are 40 years old, 35 years old, 30 years old, 50 years old, and they want something completely different than what they have. They have awoken from the dream that they have been in the autopilot. But they say, I don't think I can turn back now. I'm too far down the road. I have a family to support. I have this I need to do. And what happens is that they stay in a job. A lot of times that's slowly killing them. They're too far down the road is what they feel, right? I've invested too much time. I don't want to get out of this now. I've invested way too much. I'm so far down the road. You might be 40 years old right now, and you might feel like you've invested so much Time into your career, into your college, into your degree, into everything. But it's not fulfilling you. It's not what you want. But you might think it's too late. I've missed my shot, right? So many people feel that way. If you're 40 years old, the average person's living to about 85 years old. You're not even halfway through with your life, so you're going to waste the next 80. Well, if we could do 85 minus 40, 45 years of your life doing something that you don't want to do, because simply you made a decision when you were 17 years old to do something and to go study something, and you got a job in it. That's freaking bonkers if you think about it. You're not too old, it's not too late. You can change at any time. And you don't have to change right now. But can you start to make a transition plan over the next two years? I'm gonna leave my job, I'm gonna do this. Make sure my family's set up, make sure financially I'm good to go. I'm not saying just leave at this very moment, but you can make a transition plan. I understand some people listening to me have people mouths to feed. So I'm not saying just up and leave and quit and go become an artist, but whatever it is you want to do, do, it's truly possible for you to make money doing it and for you to be fulfilled and to live your passion and to still feed your family. What would that transition plan look like? It's not too late. Stop selling your telling yourself you're too late. You have now woken up from the slumber that you're in. Don't go back to sleep. Don't go back to sleep. So that's the first thing is that people have the need for acceptance, and so they. They do all of these things to be accepted for so long, and then sometimes they wake up. And that's one of the number one reasons. That's the number one reason why people obviously hold themselves back and they get into this life that we're talking about. And the second reason why is because people don't know who they truly are and what they truly want. So we rarely ask ourselves, what do I want? What if you started waking up every single morning, just ask yourself the question, what do I want? What is it that I want? What is my dream life? What is this dream job, this dream profession, this dream family, this dream happiness, this dream mindset? What do I want? Do you ever ask yourself that? What do you want? What do you want in life? What do you want? Go for it. And then what happens is some people will wake up to what they want and they still don't go for it, right? So we live a life based on what we think other people want from us. One of the scariest moments of my entire life was leaving my job that I felt like I had worked forever at. You know, I was 26 years old when I got the job, 29 when I was leaving the job. I was making over six figures, base salary plus commission on top of it. That's a lot of money for a 29 year old. And I remember I was like, I felt. Literally, I felt like my. My. I felt like my soul was dying. Like, I felt like I could feel myself slowly slipping into a depression. Like I was on the edge of going into a depression. I could feel myself slipping into habits that I didn't want to have in habits that I realized would not create the life that I wanted to. And so what happened was I created this podcast, I started a business, and it didn't go really well for a while. That's what I don't talk a whole lot about. Like, I wasn't making much money. I wasn't, you know, like, oh my gosh, I'm super successful from the very beginning. And I was terrified because I left my job to make a business out of it. Terrified. Scared shitless, right? And I went back home. And this was in November of 2015. I'm sorry, December of 2015, I went back home and my sister asked me a question. She goes, hey, have I ever shown you the box of dad's stuff? I was like, I don't know what you mean. She's like, I have a box of dad's stuff. My dad had died 14 years ago ago. She still never showed me all this. And she finally brings out this. This box. And it's got, like, old shirts, it's got his glasses, it's got his watch, and it's got these letters. My dad was. When I was younger, my dad was in jail for a little while for multiple DUIs. And he wrote us letters. And he wrote a letter to my sister on her 19th birthday. And it was this beautiful letter. He was a great writer. And then at the end he said, I hope you live your life with courage, love and laughter. Then it was a little bit more and I was like, holy sh. T. I feel like he's speaking to me right now. Like, this is a letter from my sister in 2000 would have been 2000. He wrote this letter to her. And in 2015, I'm reading the letter and it says, I hope you live your life with courage, love and laughter. And the number one thing that I was feeling at that moment from starting a business is, should I shut down my business and go back to sales, go back to doing what I was doing, because I knew that that money was guaranteed. I had so much fear inside of me. And the opposite of fear is courage. I needed some courage. And on it it said, I hope you live your life with courage, love and laughter. And I had never had any tattoos in my entire life for that moment. But I was like, I feel like I'm about to slip into massive amounts of fear and anxiety around not having the money that I want to coming in with this business business. And I'm going to burn the ships. This is the only thing that I'm going to do. And I'm going to get this tattooed on me. And so if you guys, you guys that are on video can see it, it's literally on my arm. It's my dad's handwriting that has blown up on my arm, and it's in his handwriting. It says, live your life with courage, love and laughter. And I made myself look at it every single morning of I'm scared list of losing everything that I have. But I know that this is what I truly want to do, so I'm not going to give up. So I have to live my life with courage, right? So I literally had felt my soul dying at this job, had to leave. I felt myself slipping into depression. I left there, which was scary as hell, and it wasn't going the way that I wanted to from the very beginning. But then what happened was I was, like, scared and thinking about going back, and I had to get a tattoo on my arm to show me. This is stop. Like, stop living in fear. Stop making your decisions out of fear. Start making your decisions out of a place of power versus a place of scarcity. And luckily, I was able to make it work. Did it take time? Yes. Is it working better than I could have ever possibly imagined? Yes. But I almost went back to what was killing my soul, but I didn't think about that. In your situation that you're in, does that hit home in any sort of way? What do you want? If money were no object, what would you be doing? What makes you feel the most alive in this world? What makes your soul smile? Do you know? If you do know, follow it. Do it put every waking ounce of energy that you have into it. If you have a full time job, a 9 to 5 whenever you get home, put every ounce of energy after that into it. It don't use your job as an excuse as to why you don't have enough energy to follow your dreams after your job. Sure you can pay the bills, but then follow your dreams until your dreams can then pay your bills. So if you do know what it is, follow it. If you don't know what it is, search for it. If you've been listening to my podcast long enough, I always say this. It's okay not to know your true purpose right now, but it's not okay to not be in constant search for it. It's okay not to know your true purpose right now, but it's not okay to not be in constant search for it. Wake up every morning and ask yourself, what do I want? What do I want? What do I want? Set your reticular activating in your system to find what it is that you want. You might wake up today and you might say, what do I want? That answer might come to you right away. Probably not going to though. It might take a week, it might take a month, it might take 10 months, it might take a year, it might take five years before you finally get the answer as to what it is that that makes your soul come alive. It's not okay to not be in constant search for what that is if you don't know what it is. So what do you want in your life? Stop doing what you feel like you're supposed to be doing. Stop following what other people say that you should be doing. Because what happens is if you do stay in the route that you're in, if you don't love what you're doing, if you're not following your purpose, if you're not finding your dream, if you're not doing exactly as you want to do, then the worst thing that could happen is that you could be like 90% of people, like they say in this book, that gets to the end of their life, they're on their deathbed and they wish they lived a life that was true to themselves and not the life that others expected of them. What do you want in your life? All that matters is what you want, not what other people want. What do you want? Figure it out, find it, follow it, and don't stop until you get it. One of the questions that I get asked more than anything else on social media is how do I find my passion? How do I find my purpose. How do I find the way that I can come alive and what it is I need to do? And I think it's an important question. I think it's something that people need to think about every freaking day, if I'm being honest with you, because you only get one life that we're aware of. Maybe we do get more, maybe we don't. But nobody has any actual physical proof that there's anything after this. So then I'm going to try to make this the best life that I possibly can. Camp and I'm going to give you some stories about my life and how all of this relates to me and why hearing the question, what if money was no object, completely changed the way that I saw my life. So before we start, I want to tell you this. When I was 27 years old, the first 27 years of my life, by the time I had 27, was all focused on how I can accumulate and make as much money as I possibly can. My life, besides hanging out with people and doing other things like my life, the quality of it was, how can I make more money? How can I make money? How can I be successful? And I know I'm not alone in this. I know this is most people's number one goal. There was a study, I said this a couple episodes ago, that 80% of millennials number one goal was to become rich. So I'm not the only person who really just was their goal was to make money. Many people live the exact same way that I lived. And what happened with me when I was 27 years old was super important for the story that I'm going to tell you. At 27, I was working a high paying sales job. I was making about $200,000 a year. So for a 27 year old, pretty damn good money. And the company that I was with decided to just get rid of their sales department, right? So their sales department for the company that I was with, they're just like, hey, we're just going to go ahead and get rid of everybody. So there's only five of us. the time, they got rid of everybody. And what happened with me was they gave me the opportunity to stay at the company, but take a massive pay cut and switch to a different position. And so I had to sit down with, you know, the head person of my department and how to sit down with the CEO. And the CEO gave me some really good advice. And he basically said, it seems like you're more passionate about this other thing that you're doing? I had a podcast that I just started. I'll dive into that. It seems like you're really passionate about that. Why don't you prepare, pursue that? And I already knew in my heart that that's what I wanted to pursue, but I didn't really have the confidence to go ahead and pursue it. And, you know, I was making $200,000 a year. I had to make a big decision. I could go find another job. Like in sales, they always say if you're in sales, you always have a job. I could have easily found another job and made pretty good money, right? But there was something inside of me that told me that I should do something else. And this was six years ago, just so you know. And podcasts were not what they are now. They weren't even close to what they are now. Nobody really knew what podcasts were. When I used to tell people that I was a podcaster, I would get three responses. Number one, what is a podcast? That was my number, the number one response. Number two, I've heard of podcasts, but I don't know how to listen to them. That was the number two response. And number three was, oh, I love podcasts. And that was very rare, right? So six years ago, podcasts are not what they were back then, what they are now in my podcast, the exact same podcast, it's now called the Mindset Mentor, Obviously back then was called MWF Motivation. Came out Monday, Wednesday, Friday, like it still does, and I was making $0 on the podcast. Let me say that again, $0. I decided to not go and get another high paying job and I decided to pursue my passion. Even though at that point I was making $0. I had no advertisers on the podcast. Nobody was paying me any money. I wasn't getting enough downloads for that. Number two, I had no products in my own business that I could sell people. I had no coaching services. I had nothing. Literally $0 was how much money I made off my podcast in all of my services, because the services actually didn't even really exist. But I didn't know how to make any money online. I didn't know. I knew that people did. And to be honest with you, I didn't know if I could make money off my podcast. I didn't know if I could make money off of coaching services. I didn't know if it was possible. But I had this feeling deep down inside of me that this is what I should do. And I had at least a little bit of money in the bank account. I was like, you know what? I've got a little bit of money. I can try this out for six months to a year. If it doesn't work, I can always go back to making money again and being a salesperson. But there's something in my heart that tells me, like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm going to figure it out. And I felt like this was my calling. I felt like this is my passion. And it logically didn't make any sense, because logically, you look at, you say making $0 versus making a couple hundred thousand dollars, the average person is going to go, just go make the money, right? That's what the logical side of it. But when you think about it, from, like, what my heart was telling me, what my passion was telling me, it was, hey, you should go and pursue this thing, because it seems like it's the right thing. Like, this feels right. It feels like something that you'd actually love to do. So logically, it made no sense, but it just felt right. It felt. Something felt right. I don't know what it was, but it was something that lit up inside of me that had never lit up inside of me before. And it was this feeling of like, yep, yes, this is in full alignment with who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to do, right? And I'm bringing this up and I'm telling you this story because now, obviously, people come up to me like, hey, I want a successful podcast like you. And I'm like, well, you got to do 900 episodes. That's what I've done. You've got to go for six years. That's what I've done. You know, you've got. You look at it and it's like, we have, you know, 10 employees now, and between everybody who's. Who works for the company, about 15 people across the board, and you, you know, and we've got a multimillion dollar coaching business, but it came from literally zero, no followers. You know, people see and they're like, oh, I want 2.5 or 3 million followers, whatever we have at this point, I want a big podcast. All of these things. People want it, I understand it. But most people are not willing to step out into the unknown, into what seems illogical, to follow their heart. And so I want to ask you that question, you know, is there something inside of you that logically does not make sense as far as on spreadsheets, how much money you're going to make, all of that stuff. But it just feels right. Is there. Think about that for a second. Let it set in. Is there something inside of you that says, I should go follow this passion? Right? Because that's what we're going to dive into. I wanted to give you my story to make you realize it can go from zero to millions of followers and millions of dollars quite quickly if you're following the thing that is actually your passion. Right? So when I'm talking about this, I want you to think to yourself, what is it that I want to do? Right? And sometimes following your dream doesn't logically make sense. It doesn't. Being a painter might not, quote, unquote, logically make sense. Being a musician might not. Being a creator might not make sense. Whatever it is, it might not make sense to the average person, but for some reason, there's something inside of you that goes, yeah, this makes sense. Right? When I told everybody I was gonna not go back and not take a pay cut and not do any of those things and not go back to the company or try to find another job. Cause I was gonna find my passion, people were like, you're crazy. And I was like, I know, but watch. And now they're like, oh, you were right. So is there something inside of you that feels right? Right. Let's dive into that. What would you do if money were no object? If money did not exist, there was no money. What would you do with your free time? And I asked myself this question. This is a question posed by Alan Watts, one of my top two favorite philosophers in the entire world. Him and Ram Dass, right? And he says, what would you do if money were no object? I remember seeing that video and thinking, what would I do if money were no object? And what I do now, I am obsessed with. Before I started the podcast, I was already obsessed with neurology, psychology, early childhood development, what makes people tend to tick. Watching people in conversation and watching people and trying to figure out why they are the way that they are, based off of their childhood, based off of their parents. I was already obsessed with all of that stuff, and I'm still obsessed with it. But what's cool is I'm obsessed with it. And now I can teach it to people and make money in different ways. As a teacher, as a coach, as a facilitator, as a speaker, all of these things. So what would you do if money were no object? If money was not something, if you didn't have to worry about paying the bills and all of your bills are just paid for. You can eat Your family is taken care of, you were taken care of, all that stuff. What would you do with your free time if you had to do something besides just sitting on the couch, hanging out with your kids on Instagram, whatever it is. What would you do if money were no object? Right? Think about it. What is that thing? What makes you come alive? What makes you tick? What makes you feel like, this is the reason why I'm here? What gives you energy just thinking about, Right? What gives you energy by going and doing, you feel better, you feel more alive, you feel like that's something that just feels good. We live in a society where we think too much, we think about things. And that's why I say, logically, it made sense for me to go back and just get another sales position. Logically, it makes sense. That's a thinking thing. But it didn't feel like that was the right thing for me. So what is it that feels right, right, for you inside of your body? Right. And I understand that some of you out there that are listening, you have children, you have families, you have mortgages, you have to pay. I understand. You can't just go, you know what? I'm going to quit my job today and I'm going to go and become a painter or whatever the hell that makes you come alive. Maybe you can't do that, but can you start to think of some sort of a transition plan? Right. If you have bills to pay, I get it. But can you go? Okay, over the next two years, you know, I'm going to go. Two years from today, I'm going to leave my job. What do I need to do to make that happen? All right, I should probably start saving money. Probably started saving money. Okay. I should probably start building an online following. I should probably start painting more, probably start making more music. Whatever it is that you are, that is that lights you up. Right. I should probably start connecting with other people who are in the same industry. Right. Try to figure out what would be an E. What would make it easier for you to transition out of what you do now into what it is that you truly want to do. One of the problems is that people want immediate gratification and they think, you know, what, if I want to do this thing that is my passion, I have to leave my job today, and I have to start making money at the thing that is my passion tomorrow. No, you need to be smart and say, if I had to leave two years from today, what would my transition plan look like? And start to plan it out. I can't tell you how many people I've told this to, and they've quit their jobs and, and they've built their own businesses, they followed their passions because it takes so much pressure off when you say, okay, I've got a year, I've got two years, I've got three years to figure this out. I've got to connect with the right people. I've got to get better at my skills, I've got to better my knowledge. I've got to start learning how to make money online, whatever it is that you want to do. And when you have that transition time, it allows you to pay your bills, live your life, feed your family, keep the mortgage, all of that stuff. But at the same time, it allows you to start to learn and grow. And the light at the end of the tunnel starts to become a little bit brighter and a little bit brighter, a little bit brighter. And by the end of the two years, people are like, I've got this, I've got under control. I'm already making a little bit of cash. And this. This thing that I'm doing on the side, it's providing me the life that I want to, whatever it is, come up with a transition plan. If you have a job and you've got a family and you've got a mortgage, you've got bills, can you come up with some form of a transition plan? What would you do if money were no object? Okay. Some people say, oh, I can't do it because I have children. Right. The thing I want to tell you about your children is this. If you haven't realized already, which you probably have, your children are going to follow in your footsteps. They're not going to do what you say that they should do. They're going to do what they see you do. So you might say, hey, honey, follow your passion and follow your dreams and become a creator and be a painter, a musician, whatever it is you want to do, you do anything that you want to. But if they see you going to a job that you hate just to pay the bills, they're going to think to themselves, subconsciously, oh, even though I can be a creator and make amazing things, I'm supposed to hate my job. I'm supposed to just pay the bills so your children will follow in your footsteps. If they see you work a job that they hate, there's a pretty good chance, guess what they're going to do. Work a job that they hate just to pay the bills. So what do you want them to see you do? Because whatever you do, they're most likely going to do as well. They learn by what they see, not by what they hear. So wouldn't you rather your children do something that they love? Like, if I were to ask you, would you rather your child be successful or happy? What's the answer to that? Would you rather be successful or happy? Right? There's a pretty good chance that if they don't have to choose either one, a lot of times when they start on a path of going to do something that they're happy with, they also to become successful as well. So it's not either or. But I guarantee you probably want your children to be happy, right? And if you're working a job that you don't love or it doesn't let you up, what if they were to go do the same thing? What if you were to fast forward 20 years and see your children stuck in the exact same position that you're stuck in? What would that feel like? Think about that. You can't tell them to build their dreams when you're staying in your professional prison prison, because they're going to see the exact same thing, right? So next thing, you spend most of your waking hours working. So this should be something that is extremely important to you. You spend most of your waking hours doing work, some form of work, right? So is it a passion? Is it a purpose for you, or is it a waste? Think about that. The thing that you should do is listening to this podcast is take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. And I always say, say this. If you've listened my podcast on, if you've heard me say this, it's okay not to know what your purpose is right now on this planet. It's okay. You don't have to know at this very moment. But if you don't know what it is, it's not okay to not be in constant search for what your purpose is. Let me say that again. It's okay not to know what your purpose in this world is. It's not okay to not be in constant search for what that purpose of yours is. So if you're sitting there, you listen to this, you might know what your purpose is. You, you might have a feeling, right? Once again, go with the feeling. Go with the gut. Your gut always knows. Your gut is your emotional compass. Your brain tries to talk you out of everything that is outside of your comfort zone. Your gut feeling is your emotional compass. It always knows what you should do. The problem is your gut only speaks to you in feelings. It doesn't speak to you in words. So you've got to feel your way into this. What do I feel is the right step for me? What is it that lights me up? What would make me so excited to do this thing? That's what you've got to ask yourself. Same way I understand. It's scary as hell. It's so freaking scary to leave. What it is that you're doing, that's paying your bills, that is safety, in order to basically jump off a cliff and think that as you're jumping, eventually a parachute will build itself, right? I remember, and I told this story a few weeks ago. I remember when I was terrified when I first left the job. The month I left the job, I was like, I gotta go back to getting another job. I was so used to getting the golden rat pellets, as we call them. The golden rat pellets is the paycheck every two weeks, right? This golden rat pellet. And so basically, it's this thing that you're so used to getting, and when you stop getting, it kind of scares the out of you, right? And I remember being terrified. And I said this a few episodes ago, like I said. But I went home and my sister gave me a box that was my dad's stuff. And one of them was a letter that was in there that he wrote to my sister about a year before he passed away. And at the end of it, it said, I hope you live your life with courage, love and laughter. And I was so terrified that I needed that this whole thing wouldn't work. I was in so much fear. And the opposite of fear is courage. And in this letter said, courage, love and laughter. And so I literally got it tattooed on my arm. It says, live your life with courage, love and laughter. It's my dad's handwriting. It's tattooed on my arm because I needed a constant reminder when I was scared every single day that what I was doing was the thing that I was supposed to be doing, is the thing that the reason why I was put on this planet, right? And I needed the courage every time I felt the fear. And so every time I'd be like, should I go back to working a job? Should I go back to working a job? Should I go back to those rat pellets? I look at my arm and be like, nope, that I'm not going to do it. I'll figure it out if I go broke, if I live on the streets, whatever it is, figure it out, right? The beautiful thing about it, though, it'll work out for you, if you get the feeling, the gut feeling that is what you're supposed to do, it will eventually work out. So I'm going to pose the same question to you that I posed to you at the beginning. What would you do if money were no object? Figure out what it is. Follow it. Follow your heart. Do what it is you think that you should do. If you don't know what it is right now, it's okay, but. And it's not okay to not be in constant pursuit for what that thing is. I don't mean to offend anybody, but some of your foundations of what you build your life upon, I promise you, might get rocked. I'm going to challenge your beliefs. I'm going to challenge the foundation of what you built your life upon and show you how we use cognitive biases to, I guess you could say, take over our own brains. And you know, how the brain is actually playing tricks on us before we even realize it. So let's dive into it. I'm going to go over a couple different bias with you guys. So the first one is something called confirmation bias. One of the things that's really funny about being a human is we have this incredibly complex piece of machinery between our ears that is working without us ever trying to use it, without us ever thinking about it, without ever trying to take control of it. It's working at all points in time and it's doing what it's doing. And if you don't know how it works, it could mess you up a little bit. And that's why you have to understand the way that we work. We think that our opinions are a result of years of rational and objective analysis. Like if I say, tell me your beliefs, tell me your opinions and tell me why. Those are your beliefs and your opinions. You think the reason why is because they are a result of years of rational thinking and objective analysis as to how the world works and how you operate in it. Right? Nothing could be further from the truth. The truth is that your opinions, or the result of years of paying attention to information that confirmed how you believe while ignoring the information that changed your would have changed your perceptions. So this is just all psychology. These are all facts. It's called confirmation bias. You're literally seeing the world, seeing everything. You're only seeing what makes you feel like you're right and you're missing what can prove you wrong. Another problem with this is that you hang out with people who only think exactly the same as you, because it's really hard to hang out with Somebody who has a completely different opinion on the world. Like, if you think of your top five friends, they think exactly the same way that you do. They have the same beliefs, they're probably around the same weight, they probably eat the same same as you. They work out around the same amount of time that you work out. They probably have the same political affiliations as you. We hang out with people who only think exactly the way that we think, which then confirms even more of our bias of, yes, the way that we work in this world is right. So the friends that we hang out with, that's the first thing. The people we surround ourselves with. Here's another thing that's really hard about it. The news that you watch. If you watch the news, your only one promise you that if you're of a political affiliation or certain beliefs, you're only watching the news that is going to talk to you the way that you believe. And to watch news on the other side really rocks the foundation for a lot of people. And the third thing is online, you're probably only following people who think the same as you, which then confirms that the way that you think is right. Because you can see how many people, people think this way. This isn't necessarily a negative thing. It's not a positive thing either. It just is the way that it is. But when you understand this, you start to think to yourself, are my beliefs actually my beliefs or is it a little bit of nature and nurture? Is it the way that I was raised? You know, my parents told me this, this, this, this. And then I just started hanging out with people who literally have the same beliefs as my parents in some sort of way. Or you could have maybe not enjoyed your parents in the way that, that they were. So you started hanging out with people that were the exact opposite of them that confirmed the way that you believe. Very rarely do I hear people going, yeah, I love to hang out with people that don't think the same as me. I love to hang out people of a different political party of different opinions, of different thoughts and feelings and all of that stuff. And there was actually. To give you an idea of how people read, In 2009, Ohio State did a study that found that people, people read, excuse me, spent 36% more more time reading essays that aligned with their opinions. People want to read what is going to tell them that they, they are correct. Now, why is this really bad? Because there's another side of the street and you never really see the other side of the street. Now this was bad before Social media. The reason why social media ends up being worse than worse, makes this worse, is because there's algorithms. You know, if you look at Instagram and you look at Facebook, Facebook, and you look at YouTube and Twitter and LinkedIn, all of those things are. They're just computers. There's not people running those. There's people that build these things called algorithms. An algorithm is a computer that just, you know, a line of code that says if this person clicks, like on this person's post, show them more of their posts. And so what happens is we create with algorithms, with the people that we hang out, the news that we watch, the algorithms that exist, we create an echo chamber of only hearing our beliefs. Because here's the way that Facebook works. Let me just give you a real quick example, right? I understand the algorithms at a very deep level only because I think of everything on a computer. All of these social medias and algorithms. That's the way that I was able to build a following of over 3 million people between Instagram and Facebook is I was always thinking algorithmically and I was always thinking psychologically. If I can understand the way that people think and I can understand the way the kids computers think, I can then put out information that people want to see, and then also it can start to go viral. Facebook only makes money when you stay on Facebook because then you see the ads. The only way that they're making money is through the ads. That's it. There is no other way that I'm aware of. I mean, there might be other things that are outside of it, but Facebook as a company makes their money by selling, selling advertisements and putting those advertisements in front of you. They make money when you stay on Facebook, so they will give you what you you want. So if I'm of a specific political party and I start to like certain things, which I'm not, I'm not a part of any political party, but if I was and I start to like a certain person's stuff, Facebook is then going to show me more people who I might not even follow, who have the same political affiliation as me. Why? Because I want to read things that confirm that I'm right. So you're seeing even more of what makes you think that you're right. All of those things firm up the belief that anything different than what you believe is absolutely incorrect. And you can feel it physically, can't you? When someone challenges your beliefs, you can feel it physically inside of your body, as if you're getting attacked. That's why you see so Many adults acting like children in the comments section of YouTube and Facebook and Instagram is because they are literally feeling physically attacked by other people because they don't. They don't like seeing things outside of what they think is right to them. So you only like to be told what you already know. How ridiculous is that, though? To think that we already know everything and everything that we know is right. Like how, how ridiculous is for. Is it for me to be like, I already know everything and everything that I believe is actually correct? That's ridiculous, isn't it? And consciously, I think everybody who's listening right now knows how insane that sounds. For me to go, I'm right on everything that I think and everything that I believe and everything that I know is correct. And I already also already know everything. And we can consciously think that, like, wow, that sounds ridiculous. That sounds. I would never think that way. I'm not like that. No way. But if I were to bring up a big issue that you believe in, whatever that big issue is, and tell you that you're wrong, then we can really see how you react. Then there's usually a trigger, and that trigger shows you where you're not free. Any trigger that anything that triggers you shows you where you're stuck in life. If someone comes up to me and brings up some big issue and I get pissed, it's showing me where I'm still stuck in life that's in the moment. You know, how you spend your time with people who you spend your time with, what you spend your time learning? We will only search for things that. That teach us. Not always, and I'm going to say always, but most of the time, unless you're aware of it. We will search for things that are going to show us that what we believe in is correct. What about when something you believe ends up being bad or you voted for somebody and they did something bad? Now we roll into what's called another cognitive bias, and it's called choice supportive bias. First off, we have confirmation bias, which means that I'm old, only going to read the news that supports my beliefs, or I'm only going to hang out with these people that support my beliefs. And it's not just political beliefs, but it's all types of beliefs. Could be religious beliefs, it could just be spiritual beliefs, it could be whatever it is. There's so many different beliefs that we have. I want to be around people who support my beliefs. So now we roll into another cognitive bias, which is called choice supportive bias. When you make a decision Whatever that decision is, we will only see the positives. This is so crazy when you actually started to think about it. We will only see the positives in that decision most of the time and not see the negative. Let me give you a real good example, right? I have an iPhone. I had an iPhone for. I had a Samsung for the longest time, and I switched about five years ago, four years ago, to an iPhone. And then you notice that people on the Samsung side hates iPhones and they'll tell you why iPhones are the worst. And people on the iPhone side will hate Samsung and they'll tell you why those are wrong. So, like, let's say I have an iPhone, right? We'll make it something just silly and simple that does happen, right? I have an iPhone and overnight it decides it wants to update and then there's a bunch of bugs and it starts to fail. And my friend Alan, who has a Samsung, I do have a friend named Alan. He has a Samsung. We always talk about this and we always make fun of him because we're like, hey, I'm going to airdrop you some photos, Alan. Oh, I can't. Right? And so we always make these jokes with him, but he's hardcore. He will not switch because he's just so hardcore in it. And so let's say my phone updates and something fails and my friend Alan comes over and he's like, well, yeah, of course it did, because that would never happen with a Samsung, right? What's going to happen with me? I need to then back up my choice to have bought an iPhone, right? This is the perfect example of choice supportive bias. I made a choice. I need to now support that choice and show why that choice was right. So I need to back up my choice for the iPhone. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, maybe it messed up today, but Alan, we know that the pictures are so much better on the iPhone. We know that the ecosystem makes it so much. You know what? I don't care if it fails, because eventually when the bug gets fixed, I'm at least going to have the ecosystem. The ecosystem is the best part of it. We see this happening all of the time with political parties, don't we? Democrats versus Republicans. One party does something wrong and, you know, let's say I'm a part of a political party X and my political party does something absolutely wrong. I'll just look over it and explain why my party's still better. And then political party Y does something wrong. And my friend who's part of political party Y is, oh, yeah, but, you know, that's okay because we're still better in this way. And what happens is, is if I'm part of political party X and political party Y does something bad, I'll only see they're bad, but I won't see any of the good stuff that they do, because I have to prove to myself why my decision to vote for political party X was the correct decision. Then person of political party Y will only see all of the bad in political party X and they won't see any of the good. Because we have to confirm and we have to show that our choice was the right choice, even if it's blatantly obvious that something's wrong. We see people do this all the time with presidents that they vote for. And no matter what country that you're in, I'm sure you see this, right? You vote for a president, the president does something, and the person who voted for him will completely miss it and explain why he's still better, even though it's blatantly obvious to the thing that he did. You know, how. Even though it's blatantly obvious that maybe their party did something or maybe that person sucks. Why do we do this? Why do we have to feel? I mean, if you really think about it, it's a frail ego is really what it is. We as humans want to feel like we're really concrete in who we are, what we believe in, and what we do. A lot of times we don't even like knowing that we're wrong, and we don't like being told that we're wrong. And we don't like someone proving that we're wrong. And we'll do anything to see ways that we're not wrong. So we tend to rationalize our choices, especially when they're bad. Why? Because we have to tell her, oh, my gosh, that was a bad person to vote for. Oh, my gosh, that was a bad political party to vote for. Oh, that was a bad purchase of my iPhone. We have to show ourselves why that thing that we decided to do in our past was correct. So we have to know who we are. Nothing makes, and I've worked with thousands of people. Nothing will shake a person up more than when their beliefs of who they think they are are found foundationally shook up. It's so hard for them to do it. It causes something called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance means, I believe that the world is this way. I believe that this is right and this is right and this is right, and we can get facts on facts on facts as to why that's wrong. And you can literally see somebody attack before listening to, going, oh, I might have actually really been wrong. It causes cognitive dissonance. The way that I think that the world is, as actually not the way that the world is. So what's the solution? I know that nobody listening to this consciously, you know, wants to consciously be stuck in their way, unopened, to hear other people's sides and other people's stories. Because if we don't open ourselves up to hearing other people's opinions, eventually we're going to get old and senile and stuck. Like, you've seen people who have been stuck in their ways for a long time, and it gets more and more hard and concrete the longer that they live that way. So what can we do? Challenge ourself. When you have a belief, ask yourself, first off, is this my belief? Or is this a belief that was put into me as a child? Is this what my parents believed? Is this what society told me to believe? Is this what my friends believe? So I just kind of followed the group. Challenge your beliefs. Start asking yourself, is this what I truly believe in? Is this belief right? Challenge your thoughts. Challenge. Challenge your past decisions. And be open to the fact that maybe we're not right a lot of times, maybe we're wrong a lot of times. It's okay. And be open to other sides of the road, other sides of the street, other people's opinions, thoughts, and just think, maybe I'm not always right in everything that I believe. Do different things. Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Go talk to someone who doesn't think the same as you. Allow yourself to be challenged in ways of that you've never been challenged. Nothing is worse than someone who thinks that they're right, stays in that decision for the rest of their life, and gets old and hard and senile and, oh, I'm concrete in who I am. That's called a fixed mindset. I don't know about you. I want to have a growth mindset of, I can change, I can be different. I want people to come in and be like, you're wrong and this is why you're wrong. And I want them to piss me off so I can find my triggers. This is why a lot of people get older and they get ridiculously firm in their beliefs. We see it all of the time. And so you have to realize we have to be open to not being right all the time. We have to be open to learning, to the fact that what we believe in isn't correct. We have to be open to the fact that, you know what, the way that I see the world is actually not correct. And we have to be okay and not have a small, small ego that, that just gets shook so easily to go, you know what I'm learning, I'm growing. I. I made a decision. My past, it wasn't good. I'm trying to improve, I'm trying to get better. This belief that I have let me challenge, let me figure out where it came from. Let me see if it's actually what I believe in. Because I don't know about you. I constantly want to try to learn and grow. And when I understand that these biases exist, I understand why I think the way that I think. I understand why I act the way that I act. And so if you can understand these two cognitive biases, number one is confirmation bias. Be around people and do things that, that make you think different, that are outside side of the way that you think. Number two is choice supportive bias. Maybe my decisions in the past weren't right. Maybe that purchase wasn't right. Maybe that vote wasn't right, whatever it is. And realize that to get into something called cognitive dissonance, where my worldview is flipped over on top of its head and now I have to start to, you know, pick up the pieces and put it together is a good thing. The more that I can get my brain blown into shreds and then try to pick up all the pieces and put it back together, the stronger that I feel my mind gets. It's the same way with growing a muscle. The only way to grow a muscle is to go in and, you know, lift really heavy and destroy that muscle for it to grow. And destroy that muscle for it to grow, and destroy that muscle for it to grow. It's the exact same way with your brain and with your mind. Constantly be challenging yourself, constantly to be challenging your beliefs, constantly challenging your thoughts, and constantly be challenging your past decisions so that you don't allow yourself to get stuck, so that your brain is. Isn't always playing tricks on you. There are studies that have been done that find out that up to 50% of the memories that you have in your head are not accurate. They're not true, up to 50% of them. And a lot of times you're actually not even remembering the actual event. You're remembering the memory of the actual event. So it's kind of like playing telephone, right, where, you know, somebody says something in someone's ear and it goes around and by the time it gets to the other, to the last person, it's a completely different phrase. Or it's also kind of like if you've ever used a copy machine. Like if you take a copy machine and you, you place it on, on the copy, you know, take a picture, you put on the copy machine, you copy it, and then you take that copy, not the original picture, but you take that copy and put on the copy machine and you copy it. You take the next copy and you put it, you copy it and you copy it, and you can copy it and you copy and you copy it and you look at the original photo and then you look at 15 copies in. You're looking at. You're like, dad, this doesn't even look the same. That's how a lot of our memories are. Now, this is not done in a malicious way, in any sort of way. It's just the way the human brain works. And so you might have a memory, but it might be completely different than the actual truth because of how many times you've gone through it. Also, though, people that you talk to, people that you work with, people that are your employees, people that you're close to, have this exact same thing. And so there's three different types of things that people do when they remember something and they tell you about it. So if I'm remembering a memory, an event, whatever it is, and then I'm going to tell you about it. The reason why this is interesting is because I can do one of three things. I can generalize, I can delete or I can distort. And I coach. I teach coaches how to grow coaching businesses. And part of that, you know, I teach them how to coach other people, I teach them how to grow the business, but I also teach them how to coach other people. And I tell everybody, when you're coaching somebody, be very aware that they're going to delete, they're going to distort, and they're going to generalize the stuff that they tell you. And once again, it's not their fault. It's not malicious. They're not doing it on purpose. They don't even know that they're doing it. For most people are not even, I would say 99.9% of people are not even aware this is going on. But it's important for you to understand because, number one, you need to understand this about yourself. And you're going to find out why that's important, just a little while. But it's also really important for you to understand other people as well. Now, before we dive into these three different things, there is something really important to bring up. Before I talk about generalizing, deleting and distorting, there's one really important thing to bring up. Everybody is viewing the world differently. So you and I can be in a room and we could, you know, be looking at the exact same room, but we're all seeing something differently. It's like we're all wearing different colored glasses. Like if I'm wearing red glasses and I'm looking at the world and you're right next to me and you're wearing green glasses and you're looking at the world, we're going to be seeing all of the exact same stuff. The same bushes, the same, same cars, the same sun, sky, leaves. We're going to see all the same stuff, but it's all going to look different simply because we're wearing different colored glasses. And that's the equivalent of people who are filtering their reality through all of their programs, through their life, through their past, through their judgments, through their traumas, through everything that's ever happened to them. So I'll give you an example. Let's say me and you are walking down the street, right? We're walking down the street and we walk by a dog that's on the other side of a fence. And maybe the dog runs up to the fence, doesn't even bark, just runs up to the fence. And let's say that when you were younger, you were attacked by a dog and I wasn't. And then later on in the day, you might say something, oh yeah, like what about that dog? When we were on the walk, I might be like, I don't remember any dog. What are you talking about? But you might remember it, and you might remember it simply because the sight of the dog that you saw running, clicked into your head, reminded you of an event, a trauma. It put your body into a heightened state of emotion. It brought all of your attention to that dog to make sure, is this a threat? Do I need to run? Do I need to fight? Do I need to flee? What is it that I need to do? And so even if I didn't notice a reaction from you, your body did a ton of different things, biological, biologically, neurobiologically, all of those things did a ton of different processing. And it was a super heightened state. You needed to make sure you didn't get attacked because simply, you were attacked when you were a child. But let's say at that exact same moment that the Dog was there. I was looking at some palm trees, and the reason why I was looking at palm trees was because I've been thinking about putting palm trees on my property. So I've been in the market for buying palm trees. I've been talking to local landscapers where they've designed where the palm trees are going to go. I've been figuring out how much, you know, they're going to cost me, and I'm like, oh, my God, they're going to cost so much money. Just get a fricking palm tree on my property. So we're in the exact same moment at the exact same place, but you're seeing a dog because of the way that the world is filtering through your brain. I'm seeing palm trees because of the way that the world is filtering through my brain. We're seeing the exact same thing, but we're both seeing something different. That's why memories, a lot of times, oddly enough, it's hard to say, can't always be trusted, because I was completely unaware of something that was happening, and you were completely aware of something that was happening as well. We're both walking on the same street, but we're both seeing and remembering two completely different things. So that's the first thing to know before we dive into the three different ways that the world changes. Right? Let's dive into it generalizing so people will generalize what's going on. So when I used to work in a sales company, I had, you know, I had trained a couple thousand sales reps under me, and my sales reps used to come in and they used to do these things called phone jams, where they'd sit down and they'd want to make a bunch of phone calls to set up appointments so they could, you know, set up their demonstration, go sell their products. Every single phone jam this would happen, someone would come in to work, and then they'd work for about an hour and a half, two hours, and I'd walk up to them, I'd be like, hey, John, how's it going? Something along these lines would happen every single time. Oh, I've made so many phone calls, but nobody's home. And I would say, nobody's home? Yeah, nobody's home. And I would say, we used to be in Fort Lauderdale is where I have my office. So that's Broward County. I would say, John, there's 1.7 million people in Broward county in the surrounding areas within 30 minutes of our location. 1.7 million people. And you're telling Me that nobody is home. Nobody. There's not one person out of 1.7 million people, and they go, oh, well, it's not that. It's not that nobody's home. It's just, you know, the people that I've been around that I've been calling haven't been home. I'm like, okay, how many phone calls have you made? Oh, I've been making a ton. I've been here for two hours. Okay, how many have you made? I don't know. I haven't been tracking it. Okay, John, give me your phone real quick. And I'd have them give me their phone. I look at it and I go, John, you've literally been here for two hours. You made. Made seven phone calls. How many of those people are not home? Well, three of them didn't pick up, and four people said no. Okay, so, John, do you realize what happened here? You called three people who weren't home, and then you generalized that 1.7 million people would not be home. Do you see how when you speak in absolutes of nobody is home, how that is going to change the actions that you're going to take? Because think about this. Let me take myself out of this situation. Just talk directly to you guys. Don't you see how if you speak in an absolute, nobody's home, nobody likes me, there's never any opportunities for me. Whatever your absolutes are, when you have an absolute, it's really hard to pull yourself out of that absolute. It's like digging a ditch that you can't get out of. So when someone says nobody is home, does that motivate them to make more phone calls? No, of course not. It actually demotivates them from making any more phone calls, because why would they keep making calls if nobody's home? And so what happens is, in this case, this is just a simple example, but I want you to think of how many times in your life you generalize and place an absolute over something that is not absolute. Nobody's home is an example. Or, you know, you've been on a couple bad dates and there's no good guys left, Right? Or you've had a couple girls cheat on you and you say, all women are cheaters, Right? And you're putting an absolute and you're generalizing an entire population of 3.75 billion people by placing an absolute on top of it, right? So people tend to generalize whenever they retell a story. This is important for you to know so that you can work on your own personal them. And start thinking about how you generalize. But it's also important for when you talk to other people and people are telling you the story, you can go, oh, yeah, that's a generalization. No big deal. I don't need to call the person out. But I can hear them speaking absolutes. I can hear them generalizing what they're talking about. So that's the first thing people do, is they will generalize. The second thing that people do is they will delete. They will take an actual story and they will remove pieces of the story to fit their narrative or to fit how they currently feel, right? So they'll remove pieces of the story, or they'll remove pieces of the reality so that it fits their story, and it fits their narrative. So how often do you delete. Think about that for a second. How often do you go through and you delete information from a story? When the story was there, it was right in front of you, but you deleted it, right? How often do you hear other. Other people take bits and pieces of stories and delete certain aspects of it, right? Where someone's like, oh, yeah, you know, like, somebody. Could people have done this before, right? Oh, yeah. I just can't find a good guy. All guys are cheaters, but they forgot to tell you that they cheated on him first, right? Something like that could happen where they delete a piece of the story so that the story fits the narrative that they have. So how often do you delete the information and not necessarily tell the truth, but you just remove a couple pieces that are kind of important for people to know, right? So that's the second thing people do, is they will delete. Good for you to know for yourself, but also for other people. And the last piece of what they'll do is they will distort, right? And this happened with one of my team members, one of my people that are on my team, and we were talking about appointments. This is actually this morning. And he didn't have his week fully booked up, right? Today's Thursday, so it was this morning. So we're talking Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Today was Thursday. And which means he only has today and tomorrow to get the rest of his appointments booked up. And so he said he was gonna come up short for his weekly goals. And he said, I did everything I could do, which is, you know, once again, taking all of the blame off of himself and putting his blame externally. And I was like, okay, you did everything you could do, which is a form of deletion, or, I'm sorry, distortion I said, you did everything you could do? And he's like, yeah. And I said, everything? And he's like, yeah. And I said, okay, is there a possibility that you could have stayed up until midnight? And I don't want them to stay up to midnight, but I just, you know, gave this example that you could have stayed up until midnight trying to book up the rest of your week. He's like, yeah. And I go, so did you do everything you could do? He's like, well, no. And I was like, listen, I don't want you to work until midnight, but I want you to become aware of the fact that you just spoke and said everything I could do, which means that you're taking all of the blame off yourself and you're blaming it externally. When you blame on somebody, something externally, it takes all of your power away because you don't have power or control over anything externally. The only thing you have power, control over is yourself. Another example I gave him, I said, okay, let's say that on Monday, let's say that he wanted to do 20 appointments. I'm just going to use an example, right? He want to do 20 appointments. That was his goal. And today he's short of those 20 appointments. He's not going to hit that number. What if on Monday I would have said, listen, I don't even want you to work till midnight. I want you to work, just work working hours, just nine to five. And if you get these 20 appointments booked up, I will pay you $1 million cash. But you have to get those 20 points booked up. You have to complete the 20 appointments. Do you think that if I would have brought that to your attention and told you that, that you would have gotten your appointments booked up? And he's like, yeah, I would have. And I said, so is it true that you did everything that you could? And he's like, no, I guess it's not. And I was like, do you see how that's a form of distortion? You distorted the story and there's no judgment. I'm just trying to make him aware of it so that he can now have power over his own life and his own narrative. Because I want him to hit his goals. I want him to make the money he wants to make. But what I have to make him understand is how this narrative of doing everything that I could do is complete bull. And once he is aware of that, the next time it pops up, up, he's able to change his narrative to fit so that he can hit his goals. So, you know, if I would have given him a million dollars cash, and I said, Complete 20 appointments. He would have probably completed 40 appointments. Just in case he heard me wrong. Right? Don't you think he would have been like, I got to make that million dollars. I'm gonna do 40 appointments just in case. Maybe I heard him wrong. Maybe I said something. Maybe I didn't completely understand. If I do 40, though, I know I'm definitely gonna hit that number. So you can distort reason, reality. Because did he do everything he could do? No, that was a distortion. So when you look at these things, you have to realize that all of the memories of your past, you've got to look back at them and realize that we give a lot of power to our past. We get a lot of power to our story, and we are the way that we are because of our past. How often do we think that? How often do we say that I am the way that I am because of my past, or I am the way that I am because of my mom or because of my dad or because of my sister, because of whatever happened to me. But how true is that if up to 50% of what we remember could be false? Maybe we are the way that we are because of our perception or could be false perception of what happened to us in our past. So maybe we're giving all of our power away to something that isn't even actually true and might be completely false. Maybe what we're doing is we're basing our life off of past that isn't even actually true. Maybe what we should do is we should start thinking deeper about everything that we do and go, you know what? If that's the case, if maybe a lot of stuff that I see and hear and heard in my past and all these things might not be true, maybe I can take my own power back and go, it doesn't matter what happened in the past, because half of that isn't even true in the first place. What matters is what I do right now. What matters is that I'm going to take all of the blame, all of the responsibility. I'm going to put it on myself and say, you know what? No matter what goes on, no matter what happens, I'm going to do what needs to be done to create the life that I want to create. Because at that moment, you take your power back and you say, it doesn't matter if I delete, it doesn't matter if I distort it doesn't matter if I generalize, it doesn't matter what happened to me in my past, it doesn't matter what color glasses I wear. I'm going to let go of all of that bs and what I'm going to do is I'm going to step into a powerful version of myself. Because if my past isn't 100% true, then the only thing I know is true is where I'm sitting right now. And the actions that I take right now. And the actions that I take right now will then create the future that I want. Because your memories aren't necessarily true. So don't base your life on the past. Base your life on the future of what it is that you're going to create. This is going to be kind of groundbreaking and mind blowing for a lot of people. 99% of people listening to me right now or watching me. However you're consuming this content, your perception of yourself is completely false. And let me explain to you why that is. There's a quote that's really good that I'm going to give you from a guy named Charles Cooley. And the quote summarizes all of this perfectly. And he says, I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think I am. Now, what the hell does that mean? Let me say it one more time. I'm not who I think I am. I'm not who you think I am. I am who I think that you think that I am. So what exactly does this even mean? Well, let's dive into it. Most people think that they are who they are through their own perception of what they think other people think they are. So I think that I am the person that I see that you think that I am. Now, this is a really big problem because we're dealing with a perception of a perception, right? So not only is all of this completely false, it's so far from who you truly are, but so many people. I'm going to tell you why this is. But so many people have built their entire lives, their entire identity, everything that they know about themselves, that they love about themselves, that they hate about themselves off of a perception of what they think that they actually are. And it all starts off because in reality, the way that we learn the world and how to navigate through the world is through our parents. But we also learn who we are through our parents. We start off and we become who we think our parents think we are. That's the reason why parents need to be so careful with what they say around their Kids and what they do around their kids. Because the children are literally going to build themselves up based off of what they see, what they think, what they hear. Children become who they think their parents think they are, right? And, you know, it's terrible, but some children are verbally abused when they're younger. It's a terrible thing and a lot of people never get over it. Why? Because even though a lot of people consciously know as adults, once they grow up, they consciously know that the things that may have been said, said to them when they were not, when they were, you know, little tiny children and they were just a sponge, they might consciously know those things are false, but in their subconscious, their subconscious is still holding it as true because they're not consciously thinking a lot as a child. If an adult comes up to a child and says, you are stupid, the child a lot of times is, you know, 2, 3, 4 years old, is not sitting there and actually saying, well, is this true? Is this false? Is this true? Is this false? It's like a big human just came up to me and told me I'm stupid. They're smarter than I am. I don't know how to navigate this world perfectly still. So they must be right. I must be stupid. And some people will be told something by an adult as a child, and they take that as their truth and they act like it's their truth for the rest of their life. But the problem with that is that we're living our lives through what we see in other people. And we also have a really big problem. And the big problem is that people who are talking to you as a child, as you're growing up, as a teenager, and even right now, every single person has a skewed perception based off of their childhood. So looking to somebody else for information on who you are is like looking into a broken mirror to see what you look like. Let me say that again. Looking to some someone else for information about who you are is like looking into a broken mirror to see what you look like. You'll never see the true picture because everybody who you talk to has different paradigms and different perceptions of the world around them. And so you're going to be seeing yourself through this broken perception, which isn't true. And so if you, if you base off, if you base your entire entire life based off of someone else's perception, you're going to be living something that's completely false. Imagine this real quick, and I'll bring this together so it makes more sense and it's not as Abstract. Let's imagine that you remind someone of their dad, right? Maybe you look like him, maybe you talk like him. Maybe, you know, you. You have the same type of personality. Whatever it is, let's just say that they loved their dad. He was an amazing man, man. He did everything that he could. He's still around. He loves the hell out of this person. And you remind that person of their debt, then they are going to have amazing feelings around you. And that's going to show when they are around you. And when someone has amazing feelings towards you and they let that show. Well, what's going to happen? It will make you feel good about yourself and you'll think, man, I must be a good person. I must. I must. You know, you feel good when someone feels good around you, right? So if they love, if you remind someone of their dad, whatever it is that reminds them, then you're going to have this perception of yourself through that person who love their dad and be like, damn, I must be really awesome because that person really liked me. Okay, now let's flip it. Let's say that you just happen to look like their dad or you look like their mother. If you're a female. Let's say their dad or their mom was a terrible person and you just happen to look just like him. They were. What are they going to think of you? It has nothing to do with you and who you are. It has everything to do based off of their perception of another person in their childhood that they're bringing to them now. They're not going to like you, not because it's your fault, but simply because of their own perception of what you remind them of. And it might make you feel worse about yourself because you don't even know that you remind them of their dad. Neither one of those situations, whether they like you or whether they don't like you, based off of whether they like their dad or whether they don't like their dad. Neither one of those has anything to do with you. And that's why this is so dangerous. That's why it's so important to find out who you are and decide who you're going to be. You know, if I ask you right now, let's play a game, let's do this together. If I ask you, who are you? I want you to answer right now. Answer in your head, who are you? Answer it. Think about that for a second. Take a few seconds. Who are you? Say it out loud. Bring as many things into your conscious awareness that are you that say who you Are right. And so, you know, some of you might say your name. Oh, I'm Rob Dial. Some of you might say, I am a mother of two. I'm a father of three. I am 35 years old. I am from Florida. I am a brother, I am a sister. I am a cousin. I am a CEO of a beverage company. I am a janitor at the beverage company. Whatever it is. You're going to say these things. I'm a college graduate. I went to the University of Florida. When I asked you who you are, you're going to start naming off external things, but none of those are actually who you truly are. None of those things. Your name fact that you're a mother, a father, your age, where you're from, if you're a brother, sister, if you went to college, if you dropped out of college, if you got a degree, if you got multiple degrees, none of those things are actually who you truly are. I'll give you an example that makes. Let's just really try to dumb this down as much as possible so I can just, like, make it so it's as simple as I possibly can. I drive a 2018 Ford Raptor. I am not a 2018 Ford Raptor. Right now you might be like, oh, yeah, no, that makes complete sense. Of course you're not. Why would I ever think that you a car? Well, I bought the car, which means that I have, quote, unquote, achieved the buying of a car. So then why would you. If I'm not a Ford Raptor, then why are you a college graduate? Why are you a mother? Why are. These are all things that you have done. And some of you think that you're a mother or father, which you are. But at the deeper level, right, at the deepest sense, you were someone else before you birthed children, weren't you? Who were you? Because you're always looking to the external to figure out who you are. You're always looking to other people or your accomplishments or your pay or your job or what is it you do or your name tag to figure out who you actually are. But at your core level, that's not who you are, right? If I say I'm Rob Dial, that's just a bunch of, you know, sounds that were put together and given to me at birth. I wasn't Rob Dial when I was born, though. So who am I? Oh, let's get really deep, right? At a core level, who are you? This is why so many people have so much trouble when their children leave and they become empty nesters. Is because they are. They're like, for years, for 18, 20, 25, 30, 40 years, sometimes they have identified themselves as a parent. Well, then when their children leave and they don't have somebody to parent, they're always like, well, who the hell am I? And it becomes this big Waco, Bloodfinger, I don't know who I am. Because people base who they are based off of the external, not the internal. We base it off of other people's perceptions as well. We base everything off of other people's perceptions or the external. But none of those things are actually who you truly are. You weren't a parent when you were 4 years old, were you? So being a parent is something that you've done. It's something that you've accomplished. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a parent, but you weren't a parent when you were four years old. So who are you? You know, I wasn't a Ford Raptor driver when I was four years old either. These are all just external things that we've accomplished over time or gotten over time. So you have to stop basing who you are off of other people's perceptions of you or external accomplishments or things about you. Now, this might be really messing with some of your minds, but when you really get it, you can actually see how part powerful it is. Because if you are none of those things that you actually think that you are, then what are you? You know, are you just a spiritual being or a soul or whatever you want to call it that's just inhabiting this meat suit called your body? Right? Think about that. And this is why it's so messed up. And this is why we could go so deep into it, right? I'll give you a really good example through a story and how this can change, how this. This little tiny mini perception can completely change your life, right? There's a story about this kid, and he's in the 11th grade, and he's been failing all of his class. Ninth grade, 10th grade, barely getting into the next grade. And his parents are called in because he has this. You know, he's about to have to probably redo the 11th grade. He's getting terrible grades. He's not showing up at school, he's not hanging out, the right kids, all of that stuff. And his mom forces him to go take the SAT because she's like, I really want you to get education. I really want you to turn your life around. And he's like, it doesn't make any sense. I'm Stupid. I fail all of my tests. I've never gotten good grades. I'm barely getting by, and I'm not showing up to school because I know how stupid I am. She's like, just go and take the sat. So he goes and takes the sat, and for those of you guys that aren't in America, SAT is just a test that you have to take in order to get to college. And he takes the sat. This stupid kid, quote, unquote stupid kid failing in school, not showing up, not hanging out with the right people, gets a 1480 out of 1600, which is. That's, like the top four. He gets a 1480 out of 1600. He gets such a good grade. To show him how smart he is, his mom actually thought he cheated, but he didn't cheat. And he realized he didn't cheat. He knew he didn't cheat, and he went, oh, my God, I'm actually smarter than I thought I was. What the hell have I been doing? And so he looks at this and says, I'm smarter than I thought I was. Maybe I. If I did so well in the SATs, imagine what would happen if I started studying. So he starts waking up earlier so that he can study. He starts changing who he's hanging out with. He starts showing up to school more because he's like, oh, my gosh, if I'm smart, maybe I can actually do better. And he changes his entire life around, starts getting amazing grades, gets into an Ivy League school, becomes a super successful entrepreneur, right? And here's the crazy thing about it. Every 12 years, the SATs, what they do is they review all of their tests and they go through them. And when they went back through this guy's test, he got something in the mail that said that he actually didn't get a 1480. What he got was a 740. What happened was the machine accidentally doubled his score. So he got a 740 out of 1600, which is not good, but he thought he got a 1480. But because of the fact that his literally a couple numbers on a piece of paper change his entire perception of who he thought he was, he started showing up differently. He started realizing that he was smart. He started taking, you know, time to. To wake up earlier. He changed the people that he was around. He started studying for his exams. He started going to school and paying attention more and taking all of the notes that he needed to. His perception of himself changed based off of seeing a few numbers on a piece of paper. And what happened? Because his perception of his Self changed. He changed. Now think about how powerful that is for that person to change their life completely based off of literally four numbers on a piece of paper. Think about all of the things in your life that you've been basing your life off. What people have said about you, what people have done, the things that you've done, the accomplishments that you have or haven't had. You can be literally whoever you want to be. If this kid is failing out of school and can get into an Ivy League school and become a successful entrepreneur based off off of four numbers on a piece of paper, you can be literally whoever the you want to be. So who do you want to be? Because this entire episode, all I've been talking about how all of the things that you think you are are complete bs. So if that's the truth, then who do you want to be? You can wake up every single day and decide who you want to be. And I don't mean I want to be somebody who's a millionaire. I want to be somebody who is, you know, accomplished this. I. I want to be somebody who's driving a Ferrari. I want to be someone who's got an amazing family. I want to be an amazing parent. I'm not talking about any of those things. Those are all still external. And this is why it can be hard, because we base our literally our entire perception of everything based off external. I want to turn it to internal. Who do you want to be before you walk out of your door, get out of your bed? Who do you want to be internally, before any of those things come up to you? Do you want to be kind? Do you want to be loving? Do you want to be humble? Do you want to be sweet? Do you want to be generous? Who do you want to be at every single moment of your life? And how do you want to show up for other people before the accomplishments, before people see, before people decide who you are? You decide who you want to be. No one else. What you do is the same way that when you get in your car and go to a place that you've never been before, you get your phone out and you set your gps. You want to figure out how. How to go from where you are to where you want to be. You set your gps. So if you wake up every single morning and you say, who do I want to be today? I want to be kind. I want to be loving. I want to be sweet. I want to be generous. I want to be giving. I want to stop judging people. I want to think the Best of people that I possibly can. And you set your gps, your mental gps, your internal GPS for who you want to be. It changes how you show up in the world. And you realize that other people's perceptions of you have literally nothing to do with you. But you've been basing your entire life based off of your accomplishments and other people's perception. And when you're so firm into who you truly are, other people's perceptions mean nothing to you. Outside circumstances mean nothing to you. They don't change you in any sort of way. So what you need to do is you need to get a pen and paper out and say, who do I want to be? You decide who you want to be. And then every single morning, you mentally set your GPS to become that person and see what happens in your life and how your life starts to change. The exact same way that when that little boy got a piece of paper that said four numbers on it, it completely changed the trajectory of his entire life. Imagine if he didn't get that. Imagine if you got the real results where he could be. The exact same thing is true for you. What you see on that piece of paper of who you want to be, how you set your gps, is going to change where your life goes from this moment forward. Something that holds so many people back. Some people that are that are just completely terrified of this thing and this thing, they're so terrified of it that it holds them back from creating a life that they absolutely love and also absolutely desire and deserve more than anything else. And that is the fear of rejection. One of the things I hear the most whenever I'm giving speeches or I'm on, you know, Zoom calls, and I'm asking people their biggest fear. One of the biggest fears that I hear almost every single time when the top two or three fears is the fear of rejection. So if you can overcome the fear of rejection in your head, you can go and create what is it you want to. Because in my opinion, the graveyard is full of hopes, dreams, desires. All of that from people who never fully stepped into who they wanted to be and what they wanted to do and the lives they wanted to impact simply because they were afraid of being rejected. So if we can figure out a way for you to get past that fear of rejection, then you can create the life that you actually want to. And it's sad to think that millions, if not billions of people have died without doing what it is they truly want to do, because they're just afraid of being rejected by other people. Isn't that crazy to think about. If you just take a second and think that the graveyard is just full of hopes and dreams and desires and things that were never created because people are just afraid of other people's opinions and rejections of them. So let's talk about that. To get to the end of your life, to be on your deathbed and go, man, I wish I would have brought more out of myself. Man, I wish I would have done this. I wish I would have impacted more lives. I wish I would have written that book. I wish I would have played more music in front of people and brought my music out to people for them to see. I wish I would have painted more. I wish I would have put my paintings on walls for people to see and brought my creativity to the world. That's got to be the worst feeling in the world to get to the end of your life and know that you didn't even scratch the surface of your potential. And a lot of that comes from the fear of rejection. And so we're going to talk about that now. Why does the fear of rejection exist? Now I'm going to tell you that the fear. Fear of rejection is literally built into us, and it makes a lot of sense, but it doesn't need to hold us back anymore. Why do we have the fear of rejection? It's built into us. It's built into our genes. We are tribal beings, which means if you go back, you know, 500,000 years ago and you were to see all of your ancestors, all of our ancestors together, they had to stick together in tribes for safety, for food, for water, for shelter, for everything. We had to, if we were alive 500,000 years ago, we had to stay in the tribe if we happen. But it doesn't need to hold it back anymore. Why do we have the fear of rejection? It's built into us. It's built into our genes. We are tribal beings, which means if you go back, you know, 500,000 years ago and you were to see all of your ancestors, all of our ancestors together, they had to stick together and tribes for safety, for food, for water, for shelter, for everything. We had to, if we were alive 500,000 years ago, we had to stay in the tribe. If we happen to be kicked out of the tribe or rejected from the tribe, that's basically certain death. You're going to die if you're not part of the tribe. So of course we want to make sure that we fit in. Of course we want to make sure that we don't get kicked out of the quote unquote tribe. But nowadays, fitting in is one of the worst things that you could do. There's a quote that Jim Carrey has, it says, your need to fit in will make you invisible in this world. If you think about everybody that you look up to, every big actor or inventor or business person or CEO or creator or scientist, they're always somebody who had to get out of the system, out of the box, think differently, act differently in order to create what they created. So if they're your biggest. If you're. If they're the people that you look up to, why would you want to not be like them? Why would you want to stay inside of a box? Because you're afraid of the rejection. Now you have to realize, if you go and you think about it, if we're talking about humans being tribal beings, I'll give you an idea of how ingrained in us it actually is. There was a terrible study. Let's start off by saying this. It was. It was a terrible idea. First off, in 1944, there was a study where they took 40 newborns and they were just curious if humans would be able to thrive without human contact, without other human contact. Right. So they. They were just curious, you know, would humans be able to thrive or is it so necessary? Were such tribal beings that even contact with another human, skin to skin, is that something that we need? And so what they did in the study, they took 40 newborns, and the only times that they were only touched was when they were changed, had the diapers changed, when they fed them and when they bathed them. And they had to cancel the study four months into it because half of the babies died in four months. It's a terrible study, absolutely terrible. But it shows you how ingrained in us that we actually have to be in contact, whether that's physical contact or close contact with other humans. It shows you it's ingrained in us. It's part of who we are. So it makes sense that we don't want to be rejected. Right? It makes sense. Also, they found that there's studies that were done and researchers have found that being lonely is the equivalent and as lethal as having 15 cigarettes per day. Being lonely is the equivalent of having it's as lethal as 15 cigarettes per day. Lonely people are 50% more likely to die early and prematurely than those who have healthy relationships. So when you think of it, yes, of course it makes sense that we're afraid of being rejected because being around other people from the moment that we're born is something that is super important. Important. It is something that is ingrained into our bodies. And to have physical contact with other people is something that is necessary in order for a child to live. So if you think about it, all of this makes sense, but we're not going to die now from somebody rejecting us the same way that we would die 500,000 years ago if we were rejected from the tribe. So does it make sense that we don't want to be rejected? Abso freaking lutely it makes sense, but it doesn't have to be the thing that holds you back from bringing out your potential, from bringing your art to the world, from being creative, from stepping out, from creating the company that you want to. Can we override the system inside of our head to create what it is that we want to? The answer is yes. Hell yes, we absolutely can. And that's what we're going to talk about. I'm going to teach you. The first thing we have to do is we have have to build the awareness of when we are being held back by the fear of rejection. Because a lot of times people just feel physical feelings of fear, but they don't ask themselves, what am I feeling? Why am I feeling this? And they never actually take themselves out of the jar to read the label. What does that mean? You take yourself out of the. Out of your head and say, what is actually happening here? They just feel physical feelings of fear. They shut down versus going, okay, I feel fear. What is this fear that I'm feeling? Why is it this way? You know, and then you go through it and you go, you know, I don't want to do this thing, right? Because I'm afraid of being rejected. Like, I don't want to make this cold call. If you're a salesperson, you know this feeling. I don't want to make this cold call because I'm afraid of being rejected. I don't want to ask this person out because I'm afraid of being rejected. I don't want to start this company because I'm afraid of other people's opinions and that rejecting me and making fun of me. I don't want to make this YouTube account. I don't want to start. I don't want to put my videos up because I'm afraid of what could possibly happen. I'm afraid of being rejected. But then when you look at it, so you say, you look at you, okay, so what's the worst that could actually happen, right? Because our brain immediately, if you don't pay attention to it will immediately go to fear. Fear, Fear. And fear is attached to death. Which means, you know, if you make a YouTube video, you're not going to die for making a YouTube YouTube video. Unless you're one of those stupid people that jumps off of buildings and, you know, does all their parkour on tops of buildings. You could die if you're making YouTube videos off of that one. But if you're making a YouTube video about, like, you know, how to get better at yoga or mindset or coaching or fitness or whatever it is, you're not going to die from creating those videos. Right? So you ask yourself, what's the worst that could happen? And you start to actually assess what the worst that could happen is. Okay, if I'm making a cold call and I'm afraid of being rejected, I'm afraid of this, and I'm gonna go, okay, what's the worst that could happen in this situation? Maybe the person, like, absolute worst that could happen in a cold call. They scream at me, they yell, they call me a pos. And then they hang up the phone on me. That's the worst that can happen. Am I gonna die? No. What are the chances of that happening? Really, really small. One of a thousand, maybe. Okay, well, it seems like there's more upside than downside, so I might as well go ahead and try it because what'd you do? You took yourself out of the jar to read the label. Perfect. Okay, let's go ahead and make this cold call. Maybe you're afraid of asking somebody out like we said, right? What's the. What's the worst that could happen? If you ask somebody out, they say no. Okay. Are you gonna die? Nope. Not gonna die. But they could say yes. And wouldn't that be pretty awesome if they did say yes? So it seems like, once again, the upside is better than the downside. So should I do it? Hell, yeah, go for it. Ask that person out. Okay, what if I start this company? What's the worst that could happen? It could fail, and then I have to go get a job. Okay, what's the opposite of that? It could be massively successful. I could create the life that I want to for myself, my family, to be able to travel the world and have the abundance that I want to. Once again, seems like the upside is better than the downside. Okay, YouTube video. What's the worst that could happen? Well, you could get some hater. They exist. What's the best that could happen? People could start watching. It could go viral. You could impact millions of lives. You could start a business from YouTube. You can make money doing it. Seems like once again, the upside is always better than the downside. So should I do it? Yes. Will you die from making a cold call, asking somebody out, starting a business, or putting up a YouTube video? Absolutely not. And that's what you need to bring to the forefront of your mind and tell yourself, I'm not going to die. There is much more upside than there is downside. So if I'm smart, I'm a betting person, I'm going to go, okay, there's. If there's. If I'm looking at a stock and I say this stock has way more upside than downside, well, then I should probably invest in it, right? And that's usually how most things are. We end up making mountains out of out of ant hills more than anything else. It's just like we make things to be so much worse. Rejection is 100% safe. You're not going to die from being rejected unless somebody rejects you. You know, unless you ask somebody out on the edge of a mountain and they say no, and then they decide to push you off the edge of the mountain. That's the only way that it's not really safe. Rejection is safe. You won't die from someone hanging up on you and yelling at you on a cold call. You won't die from someone not going on a date with you. You won't die from starting a company, and you won't die from creating a YouTube video and some haters saying that your stuff sucks. You won't. It won't happen. And so if you can look at it from that standpoint and go, there's so much more upside than downside. I might as well do it. And the reason why I have to do this is because your brain is really sneaky. If you haven't noticed, your subconscious is super sneaky. It's very sneaky in keeping you in your comfort zone, right? Like, it's good at keeping you in your comfort zone. Your brain automatically goes to. Rejection is bad, bad. I could starve. If I starve, I die, right? Like, that's kind of the whole flow of what your brain actually goes through. But in reality, none of that stuff's gonna actually happen, right? You get rejected, not a big deal. You'll live. You will live. Let me say that one more time. You will live. You will not die. And if you have gone through this process and you've realized, okay, I will not die, then what should I do? Take action now. Will you still have Feelings of fear while you're taking action? Yes. Will you still have feelings of fear before you take action? Yes. But the good thing is you can kind of turn the dial down on the fear because you know that you're not going to die. Because ultimately, when we feel fear, the thing about fear that's really interesting is that when you feel fear, like the fear of rejection, of somebody saying no to you, it's a physical feeling. You can feel it inside of your body. It's the same physical feeling that you have when you know that there's something that could possibly be approaching you. You know, it's. I'll give you a perfect example. Here's what it is. It's the same physical feeling as if you've ever been in the movie Middle of the Ocean and you think to yourself, oh, there could be a shark around here, right? That same physical feeling is the same physical feeling that you fear of. Like, I don't, I don't know if I want to put this YouTube video up. Like, I put so much time into creating it, but I don't want people to say that it sucks. I don't want to find haters. Right. It's the same feeling inside of your body. And if you're not paying attention, if you're not intellectually diving into your own head and creating awareness around it, it's going to hold you back. But the beautiful thing is that if you're listening to this podcast episode, you want to change yourself. And one of the, if not the very first step to changing yourself is self awareness. So when you feel these feelings of fear, that's when you once again take yourself out of the jar. You read the label and you're like, is this going to kill me? Absolutely not. I will live if the worst thing happens right now, I will live through it. If I fail in a business, if this person rejects me, if my YouTube video ends up sucking and people make fun of it, I will live. Because our brain tends to make it so much worse than it actually is, so that we stay inside of our comfort zone because our brain only cares about our survival. That's what it's designed to do. It is a survival mechanism. That's a beautiful thing. But if you don't pay attention to it, it will ruin your life and ruin your potential and everything that you could do in this world. And so you've got to become very self. Word. You got to start to think about those. And then when you take action and you realize you don't get the terrible Result that you were originally fearing, what does it do? It builds confidence. So if I'm going up and, you know, let's say I go up and there's someone, I go, I want to go ask them out. Let's use that as an example. I'm terrified. Same physical feelings that I feel. If I'm swimming in the middle of the ocean, I start thinking, oh my God, there could be a shark around here. It's a physical death feeling. It is. Because that's the only feeling that your body can pull up for fear, right? Pulls it up. I'm like, all right, am I going to die? If she says no, I'm not. Alright, let me go ahead. And I'm just going to do it anyways. I'm going to approach her. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no. I walk up to her, maybe she's really nice, maybe she's super sweet, maybe she doesn't say yes, but she says she has a boyfriend. Okay, well, that at least gives me a little bit of confidence because number one, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Number two, she wasn't, you know, to me. Number three, she was really nice. Number four, there's other fish in the sea. Okay, what does that do? That builds a little bit of confidence? Let's go to the YouTube video. Let's say that I post up a YouTube video. What's really interesting about haters is you'll get haters every once in a while. I mean, I have like 1.5 to 2 billion views online. I don't know how many it is with somewhere in that number. Right? For every hater, you have like 150 people who are super nice, super supportive and super sweet. But for some reason you always focus on the haters. Like, that's just the way that it goes, right? But if I put up a video and I have a hater, I can look at that hater and I could go, okay, that's one person who hated my stuff. And they're just projecting the hate that they feel for themselves on top of me. And if I can be aware of that, then I can go, well, look, there's one hater in 150 people who loved my stuff. And if 150 people, even if there's just five people that loved your stuff with one hater, you still impacted five people's, five times more people's lives than the people who were the haters. And so what happens is when you put yourself out there and you feel the fear but do it anyways. And you put yourself out there and do what you want to do and what needs to be done, and you get a little bit of a result that you want to. It starts to build your confidence to do it again. But you can't build your confidence unless you step off of the ledge and just do it anyways. And so what you have to realize, people are always like, oh, I wish I was more confident. I wish I was confident like you. I wish I was better. Public speaker Confidence isn't something that people are born with. I say it all the time. Confidence is something that you get from results. And the only way that you get results is by taking action. So the only way to take action is if you're feeling fear to do it anyways. And that's the way that you have to do it. So you're not going to die from rejection, which is a beautiful thing. But when you feel the feelings of fear, you feel the feelings of fear of rejection, you have to take yourself out of that feeling and go, okay, I'm not going to die. There's a lot more upside than there is downside. And you know, this is something I truly want to do. And if you do that and you put it out there, whatever it is that you want to put out there, you put that thing out there and get a little bit of a good result, you start feeling better about yourself, you get a little bit of confidence. And confidence are like. Confidence is like. Like stacking blocks on top of each other. And your confidence grows and it grows and it grows and it grows. But your confidence cannot grow unless you put yourself out there. So you will feel the feeling, feeling Jesus. You will feel the feelings of rejection and fear and sense side of your body. You will fear other people's opinions. But don't let that hold you back from doing what it is that you truly want to do. Because the worst thing that could happen is that you join all the people in the graveyard with hopes, dreams, and desires that didn't come out of you and potential that wasn't seen in your lifetime. The issue with fear is that fears are holding you back from creating the life that you want. At its simplest form, that's really what it is. So fears are one of the worst things in the entire world because they're holding you back from the life that you truly, truly want. And so learning how to work with your fears is probably one of the biggest skills that you can learn. And it is an actual skill. And you'll realize why that is. As I start to dive in. And most people, they never learn how to get past their fears. They never do get past their fears. And then I would assume, I assume a lot of people get to the end of their lives and like, damn, I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have impacted more people's lives. I wish I could have done more in the world. I wish I would have created the art that I wanted to, but I was too afraid to. I wish that I would have spoken up more about what I truly believed in, but I was too afraid to. So in this episode, we're going to talk about how to get past your fear so that it doesn't hold you back anymore, so that you can ultimately go out, stop being afraid, and create the life that you truly want to. Because most people, I don't want to say most. I guess most people probably will do almost anything to avoid their fears. Almost anything, to the point where they'll live a life that they don't truly want. Every waking moment of their life, they have the opportunity to go out and do something great, whatever greatness looks like to you. And so most people will try to avoid fear. And people have this preconceived notion that successful people have no fear or they're fearless. We always say, oh, this is the fearless leader. No. And I've said this before, many times in the podcast. This is the truth is that successful people fear as much as people who are, quote, unquote, unsuccessful. But the difference is successful people don't listen to their fear and they go and do it anyways. That's the truth of the matter. The fact of the matter is that most fears today are not life threatening. Now, when you understand what fears are used for and why they actually make sense, you kind of respect them a little bit more. But there's only two fears that a human is born with. That's it. Number one is the fear of falling. Number two is the fear of loud noises. The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else, this is very important. Listen to this. Everything else is absolutely learned from our upbringing, whether that's our parents, whether that's society, brothers, sisters, people that we know. Every other fear besides the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises are learned by a human. And fears aren't real. Because ultimately, as you may have heard, it's like an acronym, False Expectations Appearing Real. How often, and I would guess, you know, probably pretty often, have you feared something that never even actually happened? Have you worried so much about something that could possibly happen in the future and it never happened. How often does that happen? Well, in case you're curious, there was a study that was done on this and found out that 85% of what humans fear and worry about never even actually happens. So 85% of the stuff that's holding you back from the dreams that you truly want will never happen. That's crazy. If you actually start to think about it and why I say that they're not life threatening is, this is because the ultimate thing that you have to realize about the brain is that fear is put into us for our survival. And I'll talk about that a little bit more in just a few minutes. But fear is the signal that we're about to get out of our comfort zone. We're about to leave safety, we're about to get out of our comfort zone. And that potential death could be coming. Now, you know that if you go and ask your boss for a raise and you feel that feelings of fear, he's not going to kill you, right? I hope not. Or else you probably need to get a new boss. But ultimately, you know that's not going to happen. But the feelings that you feel of fear are the same types of feelings as if you're walking in the middle of the night and you hear sounds in a bush. It's the same physical feelings of fear inside of your body. So fear is telling you that you're getting out of your comfort zone. Here's the really important thing to realize, though. Getting out of your comfort zone, you know, if you're listening to this or if you're watching this, you know that feeling like getting out of your comfort zone and getting out of your comfort zone is ultimately a good thing. You need to get out of your comfort zone. You know that. So if you feel fear and fear is the thing that's telling you you're about to get out of your comfort zone, that means that that feeling is not bad. That feeling is actually good. So if you can switch your brain around to realize this feeling is good that I'm feeling, I should lean into this, your life will be completely different. Because ultimately you have two choices when you feel fear. Number one, you can give in and you could just give into the fear. Or number two, you can lean into the fear and go, you know what? Okay, now if I think about it, my brain is telling me right now, it's sending the signals of, I'm about to get out of my comfort zone. I know that this thing that I'm about to do is not going to kill me. That's a fact. And so if I think about it, I should actually know that these feelings are good because it's telling me that growth is on the other side. It's telling me that I'm about to get out of my comfort zone. Because ultimately I know getting out of my comfort zone is a really good thing. And where your fear comes from is a little tiny part of your brain in the back of your back of your brain. It's called the amygdala, and they call it the reptilian part of your brain. And it generates fear in order for you to get away from danger, which is incredible. So it's an incredible tool because it kept our species alive for 2 million years. But you have to realize there's no potential death for most of the people that are listening to this. You don't have potential death when you're walking outside every single day. Right? So when the amygdala was first around and we were, you know, a million, 2 million years ago, all of that, you have to realize if we heard a rustling in the bush, the amygdala would click on and say, hey, there's something to fear there. Okay, do something different. We need to get out of this place. We need to run, fight or flight, whatever it is that we need to do. Now, you're not going to leave your house and be attacked by a lion. So you still have those physical feelings, though that part of your brain still exists, which means it's going to be used at some point. It's going to click on. So even though our external world has changed vastly, even just in the last hundred years, we're still working with the exact same hardware that we've had for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years. And so we're working with the same hardware that kept our species alive, that kept us away from lions and kept us, you know, from everything that we needed to fear because it meant potential death. But now if you're going to to go ask your boss for a raise, you're not going to die. And you know that. But that part of your brain still exists. So it generates fear to get you away from danger, potential danger, AKA getting outside of your comfort zone. Now in modern day, the difference is it doesn't know the difference between a good fear and a bad fear. And yes, I said that correctly, a good fear. Because most people listen to this probably think that all fears are bad. No, there's bad fears, which is potential death on the other side of that fear someone commits, comes at you with a knife, there's going to be a fear mechanism that's clicked on to get you to go to your fight or flight, to either run or to attack that person to make sure you don't get stabbed. Right? Fend for yourself, whatever it is you need to do. That's a bad fear. A good fear is, like I said, feeling it and not giving in, but leaning in, going, okay, I know what my body's doing. I know why it's doing this, but I'm not going to die, so I need to lean in. Because it's actually telling me, rob, you should lean into this, because this is outside of your comfort zone. And I know outside of my comfort zone is where I grow, and everything that I want is outside of it. So it's incredible if you actually start to realize that this is how you can use it. When you understand it, you can use it. And when you can use it, you can change your life. And so it doesn't know the difference between good or bad fears or good or bad risks. It just wants to avoid all of them. That's it. But you can consciously think, is this something I should be incredibly afraid of? Or is this something just telling me that I'm about to step out of my comfort zone and I need to lean in? So, you know, the amygdala, amazing for fear, and it's amazing for avoiding danger. But it's terrible if you want to grow a business or if you want to ask somebody out, or if you want to ask for a raise, if you want to create content on the Internet and put it out there and be judged by everybody, or make a shift in the world, or stand on stage and speak publicly to impact people, it's not good for that, but it's really, really good for avoiding death and danger. So it's like Will Smith said, Will Smith said fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It's a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that are not present and may never exist. That fear that is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice. Fear is a choice. You can't remove the amygdala. It's in your head. So you got to figure out a way to work with it. You got to figure it out. That's just the way it goes. And that's why I love teaching you about the brain. That's why I'm writing a book about the brain. That's why I have a course coming out about the brain, is because I just love the brain. Because if you can understand the hardware that we're given and you can understand why it's there and how it works, you can then use your brain to your advantage to then create the life that you want to. Hey, if you're enjoying this video, do me a favor and hit that, like button down below. It helps with the YouTube algorithm so that more people can see this message because it helps us get it out organically. So hit that like button, and I appreciate you. So we need to feel the fear. That's a good thing. But we can't let it stop us. We've got to let us. We got to lean in and continue moving forward. And so you really have to start thinking about and breaking down your fears and thinking about them. I remember that long time ago, I used to run a company, and I have, you know, hundreds of sales reps under me. I had a few thousand that I trained, and this was when I was younger, so it was about 15 years ago. And they used to be really afraid. My sales reps were really afraid of making cold calls. And so what they. It would happen all the time. And so I'd have to make their fears silly. And so I would sit down with them, and I would say, okay, so tell me what's going on. Oh, I'm just afraid to make phone calls. Okay, what are you afraid of? I'm just afraid. It's just the fear is coming up every time I pick up the phone. Okay, so are you afraid of the phone? Yeah, I guess I am kind of afraid of the phone. And so I would go, okay, hey, do me a favor. Go ahead and pick up your phone real quick. And they'd go, and they pick up their phone, they say, here it is. And I say, okay, I want you to look at your phone. They look at your phone. I say, okay, I want you to look at that phone and say, I am afraid of you. And they go, wait, what? You know, I want you to look at your phone, and I want you to say, I am afraid of you. And they're like, why? I'm like, just do it. And they're like, I am afraid of you. I'm like, do it again. I am afraid of you. I'm like, do it again. I am afraid of you. Okay, do it in a deeper voice. I am afraid of you. Okay, do it in a higher voice. I am afraid of you. And they'd go. And they Pick up their phone. They say, here it is. And I say, okay, I want you to look at your phone. They look at your phone. I say, okay, I want you to look at that phone and say, I am afraid of you. And they go, wait, what? You know, I want you to look at your phone and I want you to say, I am afraid of you. And they're like, why? I'm like, just do it. And they're like, I am afraid of you. I'm like, do it again. I am afraid of you. I'm like, do it again. I am afraid of you. Okay, do it in a deeper voice. I am afraid of you. Okay, do it in a higher voice. I am afraid of you. I tried to make them do is try to take their fear. That really was a ridiculous fear of just pushing buttons. That's all that it was a fear of just pushing buttons and talking to another human on their side phone, taking that fear and making it ridiculous and seem ridiculous. Because if you can make it seem ridiculous, the to brain, the brain can release it and go, oh, there's no death on the other side of this phone. This customer is not going to come through with a knife and stab me. So you got to kind of make it a little bit silly, because it's either scary, which you can allow it to be, or you can go, this is ridiculous. This fear makes no sense. This is silly. And that's how you start to get past it. So the good thing is, luckily, we're the ones that make our fears up. We're the ones that are afraid of the phone calls. We're afraid of, you know, going up and talking to that person because of what they might say. We're afraid of being on stage because ultimately we're afraid of messing up and people making fun of us or whatever it is. So we make our fears up. So the difference is, is we have to figure out a way if we're thinking of those fears. We've got to think differently about the fears that pop up. And when we feel the fear, it's a good thing. Once again, I'm going to say it a million times. This podcast episode. Lean in, Lean in, Lean in. You have to push past the point of comfort, because ultimately, that's where the change happens. So how do you remove the fear from your body? You can't. But I'm going to go ahead right now and give you a few tips to help you work with the fear to make it a whole lot better. So the first one is you got to change your Mindset around fear. You've got to change your mindset around fear. How do you change your mindset around fear? Well, you know, the phone example is a perfect example. You make it silly so that you're like, oh, that's ridiculous. Why do I need to hold onto it? Or you have to show your brain why it's wrong or why it's ridiculous. And the best way to do this is to take pen to paper, not to type it out on your computer, not to type it on your phone, but to take pen to paper and write it out and to ask yourself some questions. So you write them down and you ask yourself, what. What am I afraid of? You write that question down and you answer that question, what am I afraid of? And you write it down, and then you look at it and you say it out loud. Here's the interesting thing. The reason why you want to say it out loud, because not only are you saying it, but then also what's happening is you're hearing it. And so have you ever thought something before? And then you say it out loud and you're like, oh, my God, that was ridiculous. Or have you ever feared something and you say it out loud and you realize with saying it, it almost turns ridiculous right away. And it like, oh, my gosh, why am I fearing that? Well, that's what we're trying to do right here. We're trying to actually make this ridiculous. So you can say it out loud to yourself. You should say it out loud to yourself. So you write it down, what am I afraid of? And then you say, I am afraid of getting up in front of people and speaking because I'm afraid I'm a mess up. And then you just say it out loud to yourself. Okay, the next question you want to ask yourself is, what good can come from doing xyz? Whatever it is, let's say it's the fear of public speaking. What good can come up from me going up on stage and speaking in front of people? And then you answer it. What good can come from it? I'm trying to find more positives in the speaking than the negatives. I'm trying to make my brain weigh out the options and go, oh, I'm not going to die by hopping on stage, and I could possibly help this person, that person, this person, that person. And then your brain starts to go, all right, maybe I should let go of this and let Rob hop on stage. So what good can come from this? Next question. Why should I not be afraid of this? Why should I not Be afraid of getting on stage and speaking in front of people. Well, because I ultimately do want to do some more public speaking. I know that you can really impact people from stage. It is something that I'm passionate about. I love watching public speakers, and if I love watching them, I love to be one. And you could go on and on and on and on. So, you know, what good can come from this? Why should I not be afraid of this? Another reason why you shouldn't be afraid of this, because people aren't going to make fun of you. They're going to understand everybody's afraid of public speaking. So if you're afraid of people making fun of you, they're not going to be making fun of you. They're going to understand if you do happen to mess up. Okay, and then the next question is, what action do I need to take right now? This is the last question. What action do I need to take right now? And then you answer, okay, what I need to do is I need to plan out my talk even better. And I need to practice and practice and practice, because practice makes perfect. So if I practice more, I'll be more confident and I'll probably deliver a better speech. If I'm not fumbling around and I'm not, you know, looking through the papers and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to say, I'll present more confidently if I have all of this memorized. Right? Why do you want to take action? Here's the reason why is because we are ultimately have programmed into us when we feel fear to basically lock up, to not do whatever it is to give in to that fear. You know, it's the same way where if, you know, you hear rustling in the bush, you're going to run. Or sometimes you're just going to lock up and you're going to stare and sit there for a second. You're going to look around and see if you can see any lions, right? So a lot of times what we've trained ourselves to do over 20, 30, 40 years, 50 years of your life is that when you feel fear, you give in. When you feel fear, you give in. When you feel fear, you give in. Right now you've got to retrain yourself, teach an old dog new tricks. Now you've got to train yourself. When you feel the fear, you've got to take action. You feel the fear, you take action. Feel the fear, you take action. If you do this long enough and you're conscious enough doing this, if you continue to keep doing it over and over and over again, fears won't hold you back anymore. You've ultimately used classical conditioning on accident to yourself. And if you want to know what classical conditioning is, you can look it up. But you've used classical conditioning on yourself on accident for when you feel fear, to be paralyzed by it. That's what you've trained yourself. The same way you train a dog. You've trained yourself to not take action when you feel fear. Why do you think it's so damn hard to not take action now? Because you feel the fear and you lock up. You've trained yourself to do that same way that you train a dog. Sit. You say sit and they sit because they get used to it. It's just an action they get used to. So now you've got to retrain yourself to when you feel fear. You got to take action. You got to go. And then what you say is for each one of those, you say them out loud. Because there's power in writing it down, there's power in saying it, and then there's power in hearing it. Because you're trying to program these things into your subconscious. You're trying to get your brain to realize that your fear is ridiculous and it needs to release it. Because your brain wants to conserve as much energy as possible. If it doesn't need to worry about whatever this thing is, it'll let go of it. Okay, what's the next thing that we need to do in order to get rid of our fears? We need to make our goals, or the things that we're going for, a little bit more bite size. So instead of saying, hey, I want to make $100,000 this year. If you've never made $100,000, what you can do is you can take that number and break it down and say, I want to make 8,000 this month. Right? That number seems much more digestible than the entire hundred thousand dollars. And so you take your numbers and your goals and chop them into bite sized pieces, have little check marks along the way, because the bigger that something feels to you, the less likely you are to take action. If you can chop it up into smaller sizes, you're more likely to take action, which means you're more likely to to do what you need to do, which means you're more likely to hit your goal. And then when you do $8333 in a month, you're like, I can do this again. And it gets you excited. And then you do it. It's just important to make sure that you Chop them up so that they don't seem as large as they are. And then the last thing is this. Learn to dance with your fear. That's what I always say. Dance with your fear. You're going to feel it once again. As I said in the beginning, successful people and unsuccessful people. People all feel fear. The difference is what they do when they feel it. If you train yourself long enough, you'll realize that people that don't take action have trained themselves not to take action. They've trained themselves. You've trained yourself not to take action when you feel fear. But if you can use these steps, if you can write them down, if you could become self aware and next time you feel the fear go, what am I feeling? Okay, I'm a little terrified right now. Okay, why is that? Why am I afraid of right now? Because ultimately, when, when you're just thinking things, when things are in your brain, it's very abstract. When it's in your head, it's super abstract. But when you write it down on a piece of paper, you can get very clear on what things are going on. And so you can feel it. What am I feeling right now? Okay, I'm feeling fear. Okay, what should I do? Okay, I'm going to go ahead and write down what am I fearing? You start to write it down, you look at it, you go, that's not as bad as I thought it was going to be. That's not that bad. I think I can deal with this. I think I can work through this. And then ultimately what do you do? Then you take time, go through this whole process. You say, what action do I need to take right now? What action do you need to take right now? Whatever it is, take that action. Because you've trained yourself not to take action. Train yourself to take action because fear is a good thing. You'll never conquer fear, you'll never overcome fear. But what you will do is you'll learn how to do dance with the fear. You'll feel it, you'll understand it, you'll know why it's there. And you can either give in or you can lean in. What you want to do is lean into that fear because it's showing you that you're about to step out of your comfort zone. And you know that everything that you want is on the outside of that comfort zone. The things that are holding you back from this amazing, beautiful, incredible life that you want are complete bs. That's what we're going to be talking about today. And you might be listening to Me and you're like, that doesn't make any sense. Of course they're real. No, they're not. The only thing that's holding you back from the life that you want, the money that you want, the family that you want, the happiness that you want, the joy that you want, the peace, the love, the success, the traveling, the abundance, the lack of stress, the, the environment that you want, every single little thing that you want in your life. The only thing that's holding you back from that is your fear of something. That's it. And we're gonna be diving into those today. And what I want you to think about, I want you to ask yourself is what is your biggest fear? Think about that for a second. I don't mean fear of like spiders or fear of heights. What is your number one fear that's holding you back from. From creating the life that you want? I want you to think about that in your mind real quick. What is it? Do you have it? Do you know what it is? Now I want you to realize this. My job is basically to talk about fear with people and to have them see how ridiculous their fears are. So I'm gonna take a guess that I probably know 95% of you that are listening to this, what your fear is. Here's the ones that I hear the most often. The fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of running out of money, the fear of being a terrible parent, the fear of your spouse leaving you, the fear of not living up to your parents expectations, the fear of being unlovable. Whatever it is, there's so many different fears that are out there. But I just probably covered about 95% of the people listening right now by saying those. Out of all of those things going to ask you this question. How many of those can kill you? Have you ever thought about that before? How many of those fears will cause you to stop breathing, will cause your heart to stop beating? How many of them? I know the answer to it. The answer is zero. It's zero. I got about 95% of the people who are listening to this in. The actual fears that are holding you back back cannot kill you. Because the fact is we're actually born with only two fears. The fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. Those two are actually born into humans. Every other fear outside, the fear of loud noises and the fear of rejection is learned. Yes, you heard me correctly. The fear that's holding you back from the life that you want, from everything that you truly want in Your life learned. You either learn it from your parents, you learn it from your brother and sister, aunt, uncle, family, society, advertisements. You're learning your fears from. You've learned your fears like how crazy. Just, just let that sink in for a second. You have learned to fear that thing that is holding you back, which means that it's actually not real. Now I know some of you out there like, but Rob, it is real. Like the fear of that that's inside of me, I physically feel that fear. Yes, you can physically feel it because your thoughts create emotions inside of your body. Your thoughts happen. They send a chemical messenger called a neuropeptide from your brain down to your body, which then creates hormones and actual feelings inside of your body. So you can feel the feelings of fear, but they don't exist. They're not real. So you've learned the fear of real rejection. You've learned the fear of failure. You've learned the fear of success. You've learned the fear of running out of money. You've learned the fear of your spouse leaving you. You've learned the fear of being a bad parent. You've learned the fear of not living up to your parents expectations. You've learned the fear of being unlovable. You have learned those fears. None of them are actually real. They're not real. They don't exist. You can't physically hold them in the world, right? And really what it boils down to is this. It's a thing that one of my friends and I came up with and it's primal fears versus intellectual fears. And let me explain the situation. If you listen to my podcast. A couple weeks ago I actually talked about this friend of mine who went and actually lived with a native Brazilian tribe in the middle of absolute nowhere in Brazil. Like literally lived inside of a teepee, slept with a machete next to him. Because jaguars were known to roam in, in the middle of the night and hunted anacondas for them to be able to live. I'm talking about like native Brazilian tribe. Like they are native people. They don't have roads, they don't have cars, any of those things. And one of the things that he said to me that was super, super interesting. He was talking about how when he walked around in the forest, he always had to have a machete with him because you never know when a jaguar would run up on you. You just never knew. And that was always prominent in his mind. Like he's walking through the forest, he's got to have some form of protection on him. At all times to make sure that he doesn't get attacked by something. Because one thing that he said that was really interesting is he said, if you see a jaguar, you're pretty much done. And the reason why is because it's not them just seeing you. They've been seeing you for a long time. If you're just now seeing that they've been watching you, they've been stalking you. If you can visually see a jaguar, they've been looking at you for a while. And what he said to me that was really interesting is he goes, it really makes you understand the primal fears that we don't feel anymore in society. We don't have to worry about, you know, an animal coming out and attacking us. Most of us that are listening to this podcast, you know, I can see all of the places this is downloaded, like 190, 190 different countries. Listen, listen to this podcast. In the majority of people who are listening to this, you don't have to worry about an animal coming out and attacking you. I don't have to worry about walking down the street here in Austin, Texas, and an animal coming out and attacking me. I don't really have to worry about running out of food. Like, even if I lost all of my money and I was homeless, I would still be able to figure out a way to get food, Right? So that's also not really something that. That I have to worry about. Those are primal fears. Primal fears means that there is death attached to it. So if you can attach death to something, it's a primal fear. And of course that makes sense. We should be afraid of things that could possibly kill us because our brain is designed to keep us alive. And so we should have a mechanism that creates fear inside of our bodies, inside of our brain. Brains to make us avoid anything that could have possible death attached to it. Completely makes sense. Makes sense. I get it. That's a primal fear, something that has death attached to it. All of the other fears that don't have death attached to it, we call intellectual fears. They're fears of the mind. All of the fears that you have that are holding you back from this life that you want are all fear, fears of the mind. There's no death attached to them. There's no death attached to the fear of rejection. If you get rejected by somebody, whatever it is, you're not going to die. It's not going to happen. You know, if somebody gives you their opinion, they don't think something great of you. And that's a fear, you know, If Sally in accounting rejects you or doesn't like what you do, or, you know, talks trash about you, you're not going to die from that. If you fail at running this business that you want to, you know, start, if you were to possibly fail at it, would you die? No. I mean, would you have less money? Maybe. But would you actually cease to breathe? No. So that's an intellectual fear. How about the fear of success? If you were to become successful, would you die? No. If you were to lose everything, you know, if you were to become successful and then lose everything, would you die? No. If you were to, you know, raise your children not perfectly, because one of the things I hear from parents the most is that I'm so terrible, I'm so afraid that I'm going to raise my children and you know, they're not going to be what I want them to be. If you aren't the best parent in the world because obviously you're trying to get better, are you going to die? No. If you are, you know, we bring up another fear. If you are have the fear of being unlovable. If you're unlovable, are you going to die? No. It's not going to be awesome if you're not unlovable, if you're unlovable, but it's, you're not going to die from it. If you don't live up to your parents expectations, are you going to die? No. If your spouse leaves you, are you going to die? No. All of these things I understand. Listen, I don't want to say that I don't understand not wanting them to happen. I understand. I wouldn't want to be rejected, I wouldn't want to fail. I wouldn't want to, you know, run out of money or be a terrible parent or my spouse to leave me or be unlovable or you know, not live up to my mom's expectations. Of course I understand the fact of not wanting these things to happen. But you can't justify fearing them because they're not something to fear because they will not kill you. So what you really have to do is you really have to take a step, step back when you're starting to feel the feelings of fear and start to self assess. One of the things that I always say is that if I could give everybody in the world a superpower, it would be extreme self awareness for people to take themselves out of their current circumstances, look at themselves as if they're looking at somebody else, and actually self assess what's going on right there. Hey, if you're enjoying this video, do me a favor and hit that like button down below. It helps with the YouTube algorithm so that more people can see this message because it helps us get it out organically. So hit that like button and I appreciate you. You sit there and you go, okay, all right. I'm feeling fear. I'm feeling fear right now. Am I going to die? I'm not. Okay, so is it a primal fear? No, it's not a primal fear. It's an intellectual fear. How do I know? Once again, a primal fear is where death is possibly attached, attached to it. I could actually die. Like, cease to breathe. I could completely stop breathing. An intellectual fear, your ego or your embarrassment is attached to it. So if you get rejected, you're not going to die, but your ego might hurt, you might get embarrassed. If you fail at something, you're not going to die, but your ego might hurt, you might be embarrassed about it, and so on and so forth. And so what you do is you have to prove to your brain how ridiculous this fear actually is so that it starts to release it. Because at this point, if you don't really start to self assess, it feels in your body the same as if you're about to be attacked by a lion. Like, you can physically feel inside of your body fear. You can, and it's the same physical feeling that you're feeling if your life is, you know, possibly online. But you have to prove to your brain that the thing that you're feeling is really not something that should be feared at this point. Not something that's going to hold you back, not something there's going to be a death attached to it. And so, in a way, you almost have to prove to your brain how ridiculous your fear is. So when you're feeling these feelings, you've got to self assess, think about the fear. And then you've got to prove to yourself how ridiculous holding onto this fear actually is. So how do you do it? All right, let's go ahead and walk you through exactly how to do it. And so the first thing that I like to do is I like to prove to my brain how ridiculous the fear is. And I don't even call it a fear. I refuse to call an intellectual fear an actual fear. Right? A primal fear, yes, I can call that a fear. But an intellectual fear, I don't call a fear. I made up a word that I used to call it because. Because I like to make myself realize how dumb it is. And I'm trying to diminish the severity of these fears, quote, unquote, fears in my brain. And I call them scaries. Scaries. Because it doesn't sound scary when you call something a scary. So it's like, oh, you know, I've got this scary inside of my head that I might be rejected by Sally in accounting because she doesn't like the word that I do. Oh, I've got this scary that I, you know, I've got this scary that possibly my wife could leave me. I've got this scary that I'm going to fail at my business. I've got this scary that I might fail at this other thing. I've got this scary that I might become successful. And I've never been successful. I don't know what that feels like. I've got these scaries. Like, that's the way that I think of it in my head. Of like, it's so. It's so ridiculous to hold on to these things because you can do something to make these things better. You can make sure you don't fail, you can make sure you don't get rejected. You can make sure that your spouse doesn't leave. You can make sure that you are an incredible parent. You can make sure of all of these things. So they're not fears. Because when you say fear, it's like, I could die. That's what fear means in my head. Scaries are I'm just a little bit scared. Like, that's the way that I feel scaries are. And that's what I try to make them feel in my brain of like, these are not on the same level. This primal fear is not on the same level as these intellectual fears. These intellectual fears are so much smaller. They're so much diminished. And I'm not going to allow these things to hold me back from the life that I want. Because how ridiculous would it be if I didn't live the life that I want because I was worried about Sally and accounting's opinion of me? How ridiculous is that? If you actually think about it? And. And so that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to actually diminish it in my brain so that I can see how dumb it is to actually hold on to it because it's holding me back from the fricking life that I want. And I only get one of these lives. So why would I let Sally's opinion of me or the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of success, whatever the fear is, hold me back from doing the thing That I truly want to do, right? And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to self assess, figure out what this thing is, and I'm going to freaking get past it because it's not going to hold me back anymore. So then I asked myself these questions. Questions. Number one, is this a primal fear or is this an intellectual scary? Is this a primal fear that I'm feeling in my body or is this an intellectual scary? Think about that for a second. Which one is it? Okay, and this is the self assessment I want you to go on. And you can do it right now and you can do it anytime as you start to feel fear and you write it down. Is this an intellectual fear or is this a primary primal scary? Right. Which one is it for you? Number two, Am I going to die? Am I going to die? This will really help you figure out which one it is. Am I going to die? No, I'm not. Okay, cool. I got that. And then number three, and here's the key. The key is to shift your focus because you're focusing on the wrong things when you're focusing on these scaries. I want to be more afraid of what I'm going to lose than to be afraid of this intellectual scary. I want to be afraid of what I'm not going to have in my life and what it's what I'm going to be missing out on if I listen to this intellectual scary than if I allow it to actually control my life. So here's what I do, okay? If I. If I look at this intellectual scary over here, the question I'm going to ask myself is what am I missing out on if I listen to this intellectual scary? What am I missing out on if I listen to this thing? I want to think about, what am I missing out on? I want to think about what are my children going to miss out on? I want to think about what is my family going to miss out on. I want to think about what is the world going to miss out on. I want to to figure out why I should be scared less of not taking action than why I should be afraid of this intellectual scary. I want to diminish the intellectual scary in my mind so much that I have to take action because I'm more afraid of not taking action than taking action. And so what are the three questions? Number one, is this a primal fear or is this an intellectual scary? Number two, am I going to die? And number three, shift your focus, what you're focusing on to what am I Missing out on. If I listen to this intellectual scary, I'm trying to diminish that fear to seem so minuscule versus thinking about. When I think about what I'm missing out on, if I listen to that intellectual scary, if I think about what my family is missing out on, what my kids are missing out on, what tragedy I'm missing out on, money I might not be making, the life I might not have, I'm going to start to diminish the feeling inside of my body and I'm going to go, wow, that I just went from anxious, fearful if I don't feel of taking action to I actually feel anxious if I don't take action. I'm actually afraid of what my life looks like if I don't start taking action, because it looks way worse if I don't take action than if I do. And so that's the key, is you've got to, number one, identify is it a primal fear or is it an intellectual fear or intellectual scary? And you've got to identify what you need to do to get past it by diminishing that fear, that scary that you have, and making you realize you should actually fear not taking action versus fearing taking action because of this intellectual scary. We're going to talk about why negative thoughts exist in the first place. I've got a lot of opinions on this. I've also got some, I guess some, I wouldn't say it, empirical data, but I've got a lot of data from working with thousands of people. And I would say it's a little bit of nature, it's a little bit of nurture as to why our negative thoughts exist. And I actually think that as we get older, as we have more responsibilities, that people actually, it is more natural to be negative. So that's the first thing I want you to realize. If you're negative as hell, it might actually not be your fault. It might just be natural. But it doesn't mean that you can't change it. It doesn't mean that you have to stay that way. The reason why I think that it's natural is because your brain is always searching for what is wrong so that it can keep you safe. Because think about this for a second. If your brain is sitting out there and it's saying, okay, you know, what's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? It's wrong. It's trying to figure out what's wrong around you so that it can keep you safe at all points of time. Your brain is just a problem solving mechanism. That's all that it does. It's constantly looking for what is wrong so that it can solve it, so that it can keep you alive. Because something that's wrong automatically needs to be solved and therefore you're safe. The thing about it though is that you're safe right now. Like as you are listening to me right now, you are safe. There's nothing that is immediate danger that's right in front of you, right? We, we all know that when there's no immediate danger that's right in front of you, your brain is going to search for something still. And I always say a brain that is left up to its own devices is going to find something wrong. We've all done this before. You've been sitting around, nothing's wrong, you're just hanging out and immediately you start getting these bad thoughts, these bad feelings, and it becomes a cyclone of shit. You can call it right, where it's just like things are. You get, you go from everything's amazing to oh my God, this is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong, this wrong. Your brain starts searching for what's wrong because it thinks that it needs to keep you safe. A brain left to its own devices will find something that's wrong. Finding something that's wrong and searching for something that's wrong we would call negative, right? It searches for what is negative. And so I, you know, when you look at a child, children aren't really negative. But as you tend to get older, you got more responsibilities, you got to pay for your bills, you got to keep yourself alive. You're not, when you're a child, you're not in charge of, of your safety. There's somebody that's really taking care of your safety, so you can kind of just be free. But as you get older, safety is something that you become in charge of. So you have to start focusing on, okay, I've got to start finding ways to be safe to protect myself. And as you do that, your brain starts looking for things that are negative. Now that we know why you're negative and know that you're not weird. If you're negative and know that it's natural, know that it can be changed. How do we change this? Knowing that all of this the case, we can let it run rampant and we can let our brain go crazy and just be negative and get anxiety and stress and worry and fear, or we can decide that we want to control it. I always give people an example. It's, it kind of blows their mind when they think about it. But, you know, if I'm sitting here, for those of you guys that are watching through video, those. You guys in the podcast listening, you're not gonna be able to see this. But if I'm sitting here and my arm starts flying all over the place and moving all kinds of crazy, you'd be looking at me going, what the hell's wrong with Rob's arm? Like he needs to control it, right? Simply because I should be controlling my arm. Why? Because it's part of my body. Like, if my arm was just. We had just arms that were just going all weird and crazy, that'd be kind of odd, wouldn't it? Because we control our body. What's the difference between me not being able to control my arm and me not being able to control my brain? The difference is we think that our brain isn't something that can be controlled. Let's talk about how to not let your mind run rampant and how to actually change the negative thoughts inside of your heads. Two ways to do it. Two ways. And if you can master these two ways, it's going to help you out a lot. Number one is you've got to do it through your mind. My favorite is thinking as your mind as a garden. There's a book called As a Man Thinketh. It's like a hundred years old at this point. And he gives this example as your mind, as if your mind is a garden. And an easy way to think of it as this. Let's say that your mind is a garden, and you're the only person that can tend to this garden. There's nobody else in the world that can tend to this garden except for you. You know that if you had strawberry seeds and you went and you planted these strawberry seeds in all of their perfect places and you watered them and you make sure they got sun. If you planted all these strawberry seeds, they start to grow. You see the little green guys come out of the ground and eventually like, oh, my gosh, it's gonna. It's gonna happen. It's like 100 years old at this point. And he gives this example as your mind, as if your mind is a garden. And it easy way to think of it as this. Let's say that your mind is a garden, and you're the only person that can tend to this garden. There's nobody else in the world that can tend to this garden except for you. You know that if you had strawberry seeds and you went and you planted these strawberry seeds in all of their perfect places, and you watered them and you make sure they got sun. If you planted all these strawberry seeds, they start to grow. You see the little green guys come out of the ground. You would never expect that you are going to get, get tomatoes from that, right? You never expect that. You know, if you plant strawberry seeds, you're going to get strawberries, you're not going to get tomatoes. So how could you possibly think that if you're thinking negative thoughts, negative thoughts, negative thoughts all day long, that you're just going to eventually have a beautiful positive mind, beautiful positive life, that your first thought isn't going to be negative? How crazy would it be for me to have negative thoughts all day long and then something happens to me and then I get mad and surprised that I have a negative first thought. No, it's like I planted those negative thoughts. I'm going to get more negative thoughts. I'm going to reap what I sow. And eventually you're like, oh, my gosh, it's going to, it's going to happen. You would never expect that you are going to get tomatoes from that, right? You never expect that. You know, if you plant. Same way that I can never expect to just think negative all day long, strawberry seeds, seeds, you're going to get strawberries, you're not going to get tomatoes. So how could you possibly think that if you're thinking negative thoughts, negative thoughts, negative thoughts all day long, that you're just gonna eventually have a beautiful positive and then just have beautiful positive thoughts that just come out of it, right? Same way that I can't expect that if I plant strawberries, I'm gonna get tomatoes. So imagine that you're the only one that's in control of this garden, right? The other thing to think about is this. If you're the only one that's in control of this garden, eventually you know it's going to grow, right? Anybody who's ever planted anything, if you have property, we have property here. Freaking weeds. They just grow, right? Grow. Weeds are going to grow. But you're the only one that can tend to this garden. So you can let those weeds grow more negative thoughts by themselves. Just mind beautiful positive life that your first thought isn't going to be negative. How crazy would it be for me to have negative thoughts all day long and then something happens to me and then, then I get mad and surprised that I have a negative first popping up? That's the equivalent of negative thoughts coming up. Or you can pluck them. As soon as they start coming up, you start Pulling all of those worst thoughts. No, it's like I planted those negative thoughts. I'm going to get more negative thoughts. I'm going to reap what I sow. Same way that I can never expect to just think negative all day long and then just have beautiful positive thoughts that just come out of it, right? Same way that I can't expect. If I plant strawberries, I'm going to get tomatoes. You're the only one that control it. So if the weeds pop up and it starts overflowing and you get too many weeds, that's your fault. There's no one else that can do it. So when the weed pops up, you pull it, throw it away. Pops up, pull it, throw it away. Same exact thing for the negative thoughts that pop up in your head. Whenever a weed does grow, you've got to get rid of it. Weeds are going to grow in any garden, of course, but you, you can either pull them or you can leave them. And you have. So imagine that you're the only one that's in control of this garden, right? The other thing to think about is this. If you're the only one that's in control of this garden, eventually you know it's going to grow, right? Anybody who's ever planted anything, if you have property, we have property here to make sure. If you're the only one that keeps control of your garden, you must keep it as clean as you possibly can. Freaking weeds, they just grow, right? Grow. Weeds are going to grow. But you're the only one that can tend to this garden. So you can let those weeds grow more negative thoughts by themselves just popping up. That's the equivalent of negative thoughts coming up. Or you can pluck them. As soon as they start coming up, you start pulling all of those. Anytime a negative thought or a weed pops up, you've got to get rid of it as soon as you possibly can. If you're somebody who judges people, you've heard me say this before. I've had this problem for years where it's just like, I don't even know where that thought came from. Who the hell made that thought? I don't want to judge this person in front of me. So if I notice myself judging, I've immediately got to. If that first thought pops up as judgment, I've got to look at that person. I've got to. In my head, I've got to say three positive things about them. Why it's like pulling a weed. You're the only one that control it. So if the Weeds pop up and it starts overflowing and you get too many weeds. That's your fault. There's no one else that can do it. So when the weed pops up, you pull it, throw it away. Pops up, pull it, throw it away. Right. If I get cut off in a car, I can get pissed off. And I've gotten pissed off many times. I need to immediately notice when those feelings start to arise to switch my mindset around it. And what do I usually do? Try to make it funny. And I go, ah, that person's probably gotta poop. Same exact thing for the negative thoughts that pop up in your head. Whenever a weed does grow, you've got to get rid of it. Weeds are going to grow in any garden, of course, but you can either pull them or you can leave them. And you have to make sure if you're the only one that keeps control of your garden, you must keep it as clean as you possibly can. So I go from being pissed to he's got poop. And it makes me laugh. And I'm like, ah, whatever. I just, what am I doing? I'm changing my state, I'm changing my mindset around what happened versus like, this person cut me off. That's so dangerous. What are they doing? As if I've never. Anytime a negative thought or a weed pops up, you've got to get rid of it as soon as you possibly can. If you're somebody who judges people, you've heard me say this before. I've had this problem for years where it's just like, I don't even know where that thought ever cut somebody off of my entire life. What a freaking, you know, what a liar I am in my own head of like, oh, that person put me in danger. That's what I'm thinking. As if I've never cut somebody off. As we've never cut somebody off, right? We're always perfect in our own heads when there's someone else doing something wrong. So if someone cuts me off, instead of being pissed off, I got to switch my mindset. I've got to pull that weed. Maybe they got a poop, right? Your mind is like a wild monkey just jumping around breaking. And they're going to jump around and break stuff until you decide that you're going to put in a cage. So when you notice that your mind is doing stuff that you don't want, it came from. Who the hell made that thought? I don't want to judge this person in front of me. So if I notice myself judging, I'VE immediately got to. That first thought pops up as judgment. I've got to look at that person. I've got to. In my head, I've got to say three positive things about them. Why it's like pulling a weed to do. You are the person that has to put in cage. It can continue to keep breaking glass and throwing stuff all over the place and taking its poop and throwing it at people that walk in. Or, or you can take that monkey, you can put it inside the cage and you can say I am the one in control. And that is when you start to take your power back. So that's the first thing. You've got to take your mind and you've got to focus on getting the negative thoughts out through your mind. The other way of how to change your negative thoughts. Second thing is through your right. If I get cut off in a car, I can get pissed off. And I've gotten pissed off many times. I need to immediately notice when those few feelings start to arise to switch my mindset around it. And what do I usually do? Try to make it funny. And I go, ah, that person's probably got a poop. So I go from being pissed to he's got poop. And it makes me laugh. And I'm like, ah, whatever. I just. What am I doing? I'm changing my state. I'm changing my mindset around what happened versus like this person cut me off. That's so dangerous. What are they doing? As if I'm body. So really interesting study that Harvard did. Found that when people change their, their, their physiology, their thoughts and their feelings change as well. Simply changing the way I want you to be. Be aware of this right now. How are you sitting? Are you sitting in your state? The way that you're sitting, you're now aware of it, aren't you? Literally side camera. Chris, my videographer just shifted her body because she became aware of the fact that she was slouching a little bit. Or cut somebody off in my entire life. What a freaking. You know what a lot liar I am in my own head of like, oh, that person put me in danger. That's what I'm thinking. As if I've never cut somebody off. As we've never cut somebody off, right? We're always perfect in our own heads when there's someone else doing something wrong. So if someone cuts me off instead of being pissed off, I gotta switch now you gotta ask yourself, we all slouch. All of us do. It's. We're on computers, we're driving. We're all those things. But if. If we're slouching as often as we are. Is that. Is slouching a weak or a powerful position? We all know it's a weak position. My mindset, I got to pull that weed. Maybe they got a poop, right? Your mind is like a wild monkey just jumping around, breaking. And they're going to jump around and break stuff until you decide that you're going to put it in a cage. So when you notice that your mind is doing stuff that you don't want it. So we've got to become aware of our physical body. Our physical body will actually change the chemicals in our body and the chemicals in our brain. They found at Harvard that if you put your hands in a. It's called a power position. You've heard of power position? Most likely put your hands on your waist and you stand there and breathe deep for two minutes. It will actually lower the cortisol, which is a stress hormone inside of your body. It will actually release dopamine, which is the motivation chemical inside of your body. Right? So we will lower the bad chemicals. It will raise the better chemicals. So how do we start to change our thoughts? We start to change the way we feel. We also change our body. Let me give you an example. Let's say that I want you to think of something, somebody who is depressed, right? Not somebody that you know, but I want you to see what somebody to do. You are the person that has to put in cage. It can continue to keep breaking glass and throwing stuff all over the place and taking his poop and looks like that's depressed. Think of him as a cartoon. There's a depressed cartoon. It's a human. What does he look like? Throwing it at people that walk in. Or you can take that monkey you can put inside the cage and you can say, I am the one in control. And that is when you start to take your power back. So that's the first thing. You've got to take your mind and you've got to focus on getting the negative thoughts out through your mind. The other way of how to change your negative thoughts. Second thing is through your. I bet we could all say the same thing. Shoulders are down, the head is probably down. If you think of how they're talking, they're probably talking slow, they're probably talking low. And they're. They're slumped over. And that's just the way that they look. And we all know the physiology of depressed bodies, right? So really interesting study that Harvard did found that when people change their depressed or anxious person or sad person, we know the physiology of what that person would look like. Their physiology, their thoughts and their feelings change as well. Simply changing the way. I want you to be aware of this right now. How are you sitting? Are you sitting in your state? The way that you're sitting, you're now aware of it, aren't you? Literally side camera. Chris, my videographer just shifted her body because she became aware of the fact that she was slouching a little bit. Now, if I said, describe somebody that's walking into a room confident, what do they look like? And see that person inside of your head? They're standing straight, their chin is up, their shoulders are back. They're probably talking louder. They're probably talking with confidence. You can hear it, the boom in their voice. Now you got to ask yourself, we all slouch. All of us do. We're on computers, we're driving. We're all those things. But if. If we're slouching is right. We know the difference between looking at somebody who is sad and depressed and looking at somebody who is confident and, you know, excited. We know the difference between the two of those. So when you think about your physical body and wanting to shift your thoughts, you can shift your thoughts in your mind as often as we are. Is that. Is slouching a weak or a powerful position? We all know it's a weird, weak position, right? So we've got to become aware of our physical body. Our physical body will actually change. The chemicals in our body and the chemicals in our brain. They found at Harvard that if you put your hands in a. It's called a power position. You've heard of power position? Most likely put your hands on your waist, and you stand there and breathe deep for two minutes. It will actually lower the cortisol, which is a stress hormone, inside of your body. It will actually release guests. But you also need to shift your. Your body to realize that your body is actually controlling the way that you think, the way that you feel the chemicals that are going on inside of your body. Explain to me, if I were to say, hey, take a pen and paper, write down everything that you would see in a happy person, right? What would it be? They would be standing up straight. They'd probably have their shoulders back. There'd be a smile on their face. Why is that important? Why is this important? Because you are physiological dopamine, which is the motivation chemical inside of your body, right? So it will lower the bad chemicals. It will raise the better chemicals. So how do we start to change our thoughts? We start to change the way we feel. We also change our body. Let me give you an example. Let's say that I want you to think of somebody who is depressed, right? Not somebody that you know, but I want you to see what somebody will literally change the chemicals in your brain. So when you notice yourself, I always notice myself. And I'm like, dude, my posture says sucks. Why am I sitting like this? Right? Immediately I'm like, all right, this posture is not a power posture. Let me try to put myself into a powerful position, knowing that when I do this and stay there and breathe deep. Looks like that's depressed. Think of him as a cartoon. There's a depressed cartoon. It's a human. What does he look like? I'm actually going to change the chemicals in my brain. I'm going to change the chemicals in my body, which then puts. Puts me into a place of wow. I bet, I bet we could all say the same thing. Shoulders are down, the head is probably down. If you think of how they're talking, they're probably talking slow. Of power. And when I'm in a place of power, am I thinking negative? No, I'm thinking positive. I'm thinking powerfully. I'm going to dominate this task that I have to do. I'm going to go up and I'm going to give. They're probably talking low and they're, they're slumped over and that's just the way that they look. And we all know the physiology of depression bodies, right? Depress this talk. I'm giving the best talk that I possibly can. If you notice you're about to. If you're really nervous about something, you're about to go give a speech in front of your company. And maybe you have to present something. Look at, think of your physiology. What's your physiology like? You got to change or anxious person or sad person. We know the physiology of what that person would look like. Change your state will change everything about you. So you're like, alright, let me get into a power posture. Let me get my chin up, let me get my back straight. Let me get my shoulders back. Let me talk a little bit louder, Let me breathe. Now if I said, describe somebody that's walking into a room, confident, what do they look like? And see that person inside of your head? They're standing straight, their chin is up, their shoulders are back. They're probably talking. Be deeper. Lay my hands on my hips and let me breathe for two minutes. And you know what I'm going to do? I'm also going to talk positively to myself. I'm going to look myself in the mirror as I do this. I'm gonna look myself dead in the eyes and be like, you're a badass. You're amazing. You have so many great accomplishments. You're so great. Whatever it is you need to say, you don't usually feel like after a great workout, do you know, you're motivated, you're inspired, you got ideas. Running louder. They're probably talking with confidence. You can hear it, the boom in their voice. Right. We know the difference between looking at somebody who is sad and depressed and looking at somebody who is confident and, you know, excited. We know the difference between the two of those. Through your head, usually feel like when you've been sitting on the couch all day long. Not moving your body, not making your physiology, not making something. So when you think about your physical body and wanting to shift your thoughts, you can shift your thoughts in your mind. Yes. But you also need to shift your body to realize that your body is actually being happened. I was listening to an interview because I'm interviewing George St. Pierre pretty soon, which you guys will be hearing, which is awesome. He is the ex UFC fighter who is a actual champion in multiple divisions, multiple weight, weight classes, considered one of the best fighters that's ever lived. And the interesting thing about is he says he hates fighting. He would get really controlling the way that you think, the way that you feel, the chemicals that are going on inside of your body. Explain to me, if I were to say, hey, take a pen and paper, write down everything that you would see in a happy person, right? What would it be? They would be standing up straight, they probably have their shoulders back. There'd be a smile on their face, anxious and really fearful right before he's about to go into a fight because he doesn't know what's about to happen. He's about to go into a fight in a cage. Why is that important? Why is this important? Because you are physiological. This guy could knock him out, they could break his nose. He could be covered in blood. He doesn't know. There's so much unknown going into a cage fight where someone's just there to try to knock you out. That is the most unknown situation possibly for all of will literally change the chemicals in your brain. So when you notice yourself. I always notice myself. And I'm like, dude, my posture, mankind. Right? So there's a lot of fear and anxiety he would feel. And so he Said he had to. Literally, before he would go and walk in, he would have to look through socks. Why am I sitting like this? Right? Immediately I'm like, all right, this posture is not a power posture. Let me try to put myself into a power powerful position. Knowing that when I do this and stay there and breathe. Deep himself in the mirror, he'd have to fix his physiology. You have to look himself dead in the eyes, and you have to start giving himself affirmations. Start talking positive to myself. You're faster than this guy. You're more powerful than this guy. You've been training harder than this guy. You're going to win. You're going to win. I'm actually going to change the chemicals in my brain. I'm going to change the chemicals in my body, which then puts me into a place. You're going to win. He had to literally start to talk to himself and as he said, become a different person. And he would be the power. And when I'm in a place of power, am I thinking negative? No, I'm thinking positive. I'm thinking powerfully. That person up until the bell, the final bell was done and someone's hand was raised. I'm going to dominate this task that I have to do. I'm going to go up and I'm going to give this talk. I'm going to give the best talk that I possibly can. If you notice you're about to. If you're really nervous about something, you're about to go give a speech in front of your company. And maybe you have to present something. Look, think of your physiology. What's your physiology like? You got to change it. He would make himself become a different person mentally through his mind and physically through his body. So next time you start to feel negative thoughts, you start to feel down, you start to feel unmotivated. Change your mind, change your thoughts. And then number two, change your body, change your physiology. Change your state will change everything about you. So you're like, all right, let me get into a power posture. Let me get my chin up. Let me get my back straight. Let me get my shoulders back. Let me talk a little bit louder. Let me breathe deeper. Lay my hands on my hips and let me breathe for two minutes. And you know what I'm gonna do? I'm also gonna talk positively to myself. I'm gonna look myself in the mirror as I do this. I'm gonna look myself dead in the eyes and be like, you're a badass. You're amazing. You have so many great Accomplishments, you're so great. Whatever. All too often I see people sit back and say, my life is the way that it is because of something, and that something always tends to be something outside of them. And then they're like, oh, you know, it's my circumstances, it's my parents, it's the way I was raised, it's my family, it's my past, it's my children's fault, it's the president's fault, it's the government's fault. And they blame it. As you need to say, you don't usually feel like after a great workout, do you know, you're motivated, you're inspired, you got ideas running through your head. Usually feel like when you've been sitting on the couch all day long, not moving your body, not making your physiology, not making something happen. I was listening to an interview because I'm interviewing George St. Pierre pretty soon, which you guys will be hearing, which is awesome. He is the him. Everything on something externally. And one of the biggest things, the biggest thing, ex UFC fighter who is actual champion in multiple divisions, multiple weight classes, considered one of the best fighters that's ever lived. And the interesting thing about it is, he says he hates fighting. He would get really. That I learned from my very first mentor when I was 19 years old, is that if I want to change my life, I need to take everything that's happening and just blame it on myself in a good way, not in a bad way, not in a way to make me feel bad, but in a way of going, you know, what? If everything is my fault, it then empowers me to know that I am the one that's fully in control of my life. Anxious and really fearful right before he's about to go into a fight because he doesn't know what's about to happen. He's about to go into a fight in a cage. This guy could knock him out, they could break his nose. He could be covered in blood. He doesn't know. There's so much unknown going into because what you think in your head, you will get in reality to a cage fight where someone's just there to try to knock you out. That is the most unknown situation possibly for all of mankind, right? So there's a lot of fear and anxiety he would feel. And so he said he had to, literally, before he would go and walk in, he would have to look himself in the mirror. He'd have to fix his physiology. You have to look himself dead in the eyes, and you have to start giving himself affirmations Start talking positive. So if you're a negative person, you have negative thoughts all day long. What you think in your head, you will get in reality. If you are negative all day long, I guarantee you, you are going to find more negative things in your life all day. You literally create your reality. Let me give you an example of what I mean. There's a part of your brain called the reticular activating system. If you've never heard me talk about this, this is super interesting. The reticular activating system is your brain's filtering system. And so at one point in time, the. There's approximately 2 trillion bits of information per second that your brain could latch onto and have come into its awareness. But your brain filters out everything except for 200 bits of information per second. You're faster than this guy. You're more powerful than this guy. You've been training harder than this guy. You're going to win. You're going to win, you're going to win. He had to literally start to talk to himself and, as he said, become a different person. And he would be that person up until the bell, the final bell was done and someone's hand was raised, he would make himself become a different person mentally through his mind and physically through his body. So next time you start to feel negative thoughts, you start to feel down. You start to feel, this is why if you go and you buy a new car, you never see that car. And then you buy it and you're like, holy crap, this car is everywhere. Right? I had an experience not too long ago. Someone that I knew from middle school passed away, and I went back onto his Facebook and I was looking through some of his pictures and seeing what he was doing and see what his life was, and I didn't know anything about it. I haven't talked to him, like, 17, 18 years. And I saw a picture of somebody that I haven't seen in a while. His name's Ryan. I was pretty good friends with Ryan back in middle school, and I hadn't thought about him in, like, 17, 18 years. And then the very next day, I was unmotivated. Change your mind, change your thoughts, and then, number two, change your body, change your physiology. All too often I see people sit back and say, my life is the way that it is because of something, and that something always tends to be something outside of them. And then they're like, oh, you know, it's my circumstances, it's my parents, it's the way I was raised, it's my family. It's my past. It's my children's fault. It's the coffee shop. And I was working, getting my stuff done, and I look up and I see a guy with a dog walking into the coffee shop. I was outside the coffee shop, and I was like, oh, my God, that's Ryan. I haven't seen him in so long. And then he turned around and I saw his face again. I was like, oh, that isn't Ryan. And I was so surprised because I realized that my reticular activating system, because I had seen a picture of Ryan the day before, saw him that day in somebody that wasn't actually him, even though I hadn't thought about him in 17, 18 years. The president's fault. It's the government's fault. And they blame everything on something externally. And one of the biggest things, the biggest thing that I learned from my very first mentor when I was 19 years old, is that if I want to change my life, I need to take everything that's happening and just blame it on myself in a good way, not in a bad way, not in a way to make me feel bad, but in a way of going, you know what if everything is my fault? So what happens is, is the same way that I'm gonna start seeing a car that I haven't seen before, the same way that I'm going to see somebody that I haven't seen in 17, 18 years and someone that's actually not them. If I'm setting my reticular activating system on what sucks in my life, if I'm setting it on all of the things that are negative in my life, I'm gonna start to notice more negative things. Which means, like I said, you literally create your own reality. It then empowers me, me, to know that I am the one that's fully in control of my life. Because what you think in your head, you will get in reality. So if you're a negative person, you have negative thoughts all day long. What you think in your head, you will get in reality. If you are negative all day long, I guarantee you, you are going to find more negative things in your life. If I'm waking up and immediately going to what sucks? I'm negative. This day sucks. I don't want to be awake. Then I'm going to create more negative things by just having negativity in my awareness. If that negativity is circling in my awareness, I will find more of that. What you focus on, you will get more of. That's what happens with the Reticular activating system. So if I'm thinking about negative thoughts all day, life all day, you literally create your reality. Let me give you an example of what I mean. There's a part of your brain called the reticular activating system. If you've never heard me talk about this, this is super interesting. The reticular activating system is your brain's filtering system. And so at one point in time, there's approximately 2 trillion bits of information per second that your brain could latch onto and have come into its awareness. But you're wrong. How in the hell am I going to figure out a way to be positive? How am I going to be positive? That's gonna be really freaking hard, isn't it? Because if I'm waking up and immediately going to negativity, I'm gonna find more negativity. And so before I give you tips real quick on how to actually change that, let me give you a couple of examples of the way negativity or positivity or anything works in your brain. Let me give you a couple of examples. Your brain filters out everything except for 200 bits of information per second. This is why if you go and you buy a new car, car, you never see that car. And then you buy it and you're like, holy. Think about it this way. Let's say that I have a big old bucket of water. Crap, this car is everywhere, right? I had an experience not too long ago. Someone that I knew from middle school passed away and I went back onto his Facebook and I was looking through some of his pictures and seeing what he was doing and see what his life was. And I didn't know anything about it. I haven't talked to him. Like 17, 18 years into the right I have a flower bed, and to the left I have a flower bed. On the right hand side is all positivity. On the right hand, on the left hand side is all negativity. I have an option of taking the water that's inside of the bucket and pouring it into one of the two of them, whichever one I put my water into. And I saw a picture of somebody that I haven't seen in a while. His name's Ryan. I was pretty good friends with Ryan back in middle school, and I hadn't thought about him in like 17, 18 years. And then the very next day, I was at a coffee shop and I was working, getting my stuff done, and I look up and I see a guy with a dog walking into the coffee shop. I was outside the coffee Shop. And I was like, oh my God, that's Ryan. I haven't seen him in so long. And then he turned around and I saw his face again. I was like, oh, that isn't Ryan. And I was so surprised because I realized it will grow those flowers or those weeds based off of how much water I put into it. The water is the equivalent to your energy and your focus. If I'm putting my energy in my focus into the negative stuff that that's around me in my day, that will grow, I will grow negativity weeds if that's what I'm putting my energy into. If I'm putting my energy into realize that my reticular activating system, because I had seen a picture of Ryan the day before, saw him there that day in somebody that wasn't actually him, even though I hadn't thought about him in 17, 18 years. So what happens is the same way that I'm going to start seeing a car that I haven't seen before, the same way that I'm going to see somebody that I haven't seen in 17, 18 years and someone that's actually not them, if I'm setting my reticular activating system on what sucks in my life flower bed and my water into the flower bed, that is what's going to grow. You will, will not have something grow unless you water it. But the water is your energy. What are you putting your energy to? Are you waking up and saying, woe is me and oh, my life is this way because of my parents, because of the government, because of my circumstances, because of this, because of this, because of this, or are you going, hey, these are my circumstances. But I'm going to take my energy, I'm going to take this water and I'm going to pour it into positivity and find something. If I'm setting it on all of the things that are negative in my life, I'm going to start to notice more negative, negative things. Which means, like I said, you literally create your own reality. If I'm waking up and immediately going to what sucks? I'm negative. This day sucks. I don't want to be awake. Then I'm going to create more negative things that I'm grateful for, find something that I'm positive for and something that I can appreciate because I know that what I appreciate appreciates things by just having negativity in my awareness. If that negativity is circling in my awareness, I will find more of that. So I'm going to focus on finding the Things that actually I'm happy with and that are going well for me. The reason why this is important because you have to realize that humans are inherently negative. Let me explain why that is. Humans are inherently negative because negativity is bad. Our brain wants to. What you focus on, you will get more of. That's what happens with the reticular activating system. So if I'm thinking about negative thoughts all day long, how in the hell am I going to figure out a way to be positive? How am I going to be positive? That's gonna be really freaking hard, isn't it? Because if I'm waking up and immediately going to negativity, I'm gonna find more negativity. And so before I give you tips real quick on search for things that are bad. And the reason why is because our brain wants to solve the bad. Because bad 100,000, 200,000 years ago meant death. And so our brain wants to. Our brain, the thing that it does more than anything else is its job is to keep us alive. Our brain cares about survival more than anything else. So our brain is kind of like a negativity searching mechanism. It's always looking for what is negative and what is bad around and how to actually change that. Let me give you a couple of examples of the way negativity works or positivity or anything works in your brain. Let me give you a couple of examples. Think about it this way. Let's say that I have a big old bucket of water. And to the right I have a flower bed. And to the left I have a flower bed. On the right hand side is all positivity. On the right hand, on the left hand side is all negativity. That's because it wants to stay away from those things or pay attention to those things. So therefore we don't fall into that trap. Die. Now, I know that if you wake up and you start thinking about how you know you lost your job, you're not going to die, that you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna hate what's going on, that's for sure. But what happens is your brain will seek out what is negative, the reason why it seeks out what is negative. So that there I have an option of taking the water that's inside of the bucket and pouring it into one of the two of them. Therefore, it can make sure that it avoids that thing. Because now negativity means bad. Whichever one I put my water into, it will grow those flowers or those weeds based off of how much water I put into it. The water is the equivalent to your energy and your focus. If I'm putting my energy in my focus into the negative stuff, that bad means death. Your brain wants to avoid anything that's bad and negative because therefore it means that's around me in my day, that will grow. I will grow negativity weeds if that's what I'm putting my energy into. If I'm putting my energy into the flower bed and my water into the flower bed, that is what's going to grow. You will not have something grow unless you water it. But the water is your energy. What are you putting your energy to? Are you waking up and saying, woe is me and oh, my life is this way because of my parents, because of the government. So your brain will find the negativity automatically. That's why if you want to be positive, you better make sure that with every action that you take, you're trying to find something that's positive because you're automatically most likely going to go to the negative. And so people like, why am I. Why do I have these negative thoughts that pop in my head automatically without me even thinking? Because of my circumstances, because of this, because of this, because of this? Or are you going, hey, these are my circumstances. But I'm going to take my energy, I'm going to take this water and I'm going to pour it into positivity and find something that I'm grateful for, find something that I'm positive for and something that I can appreciate, because I know that what I appreciate appreciates thinking about them, because that's what your brain is designed to do. So if you want to be more positive, you have to realize, hey, I got to do it. So I'm going to focus on finding the things that actually I'm happy with and that are going well for me. The reason why this is important because you have everything that I possibly can to be positive. Knowing that my brain is going to go towards a negative. Now, when my brain does go towards the negative, what do I have to do? I have to everything that I can to pull myself out of that negativity. Knowing that, that's just what's going to happen. To realize that humans are inherently negative, let me explain why that is. Humans are inherently negative because negativity, bad. Our brain wants to make sense. Your brain is naturally going to be negative if you're like most people, which means that you're going to have to search for things that are bad. And the reason why is because our brain Wants to solve the bad. Harder to be positive. But it doesn't mean that positivity is impossible. Just means a positivity and being positive. Because bad 100,000, 200,000 years ago meant death. And so our brain wants to. Our brain, the thing that it does more than anything else is its job is to keep us alive. Positive. And finding things you're grateful for takes work. So you're gonna have to put the work in. Our brain cares about survival more than anything else. So our brain is kind of like. You also have to realize that sometimes what you're doing is you're actually searching for the. A negativity searching mechanism. It's always looking for what is negative and what is bad around us. Because. Because it wants to stay away from those things or pay attention to those things. So therefore we don't fall into that trap and die. Now, I know that if you wake up and you start thinking about how you know you lost your job, you're not going to die, that you're gonna. You're gonna hate what's going on. Negative things within yourself. This is where it gets really difficult. Because what do a lot of us do? We talk to ourselves in our head and we say things that's not positive, we say things that's not motivating, and we say things that we would never say to somebody that we love. That's for sure. But what happens is your brain will seek out what is negative, the reason why it seeks out what is negative. So that there. Think of all of the negative things that you've said to yourself. All of the, you look fat. And therefore it can make sure that it avoids that thing. Because negativity means bad, bad means death. Your brain wants to avoid anything that's bad and negative because therefore it means death. So your brain will find the negativity automatically. That's why if you want to be positive, you better make sure that with every action that these genes. You're ugly. Look at that pimple on your face. You're stupid. All the things that you might have said to yourself in real life, you take. You're trying to find something that's positive because you're automatically most likely going to go to the negative. That you probably would never say any of those things to someone that you love, right? Like if your friend called you and she had a really bad first date, she's like, yeah, you know, I was really into the guy and, you know, he said that he thought we'd be better off as friends. And so people like why am I. Why do I have these negative thoughts that pop in my head automatically without me even think? You wouldn't go, yeah, well, Stacy, it's because you're, you know, you probably need to lose 15 pounds. Probably because your haircut, probably because you don't look too good, probably because you're not too smart. Like, you never say that to your friend. You'd be there, and you'd be there to support her thinking about them, because that's what your brain is designed to do. So if you want to be more positive, you have to realize, hey, I got to do everything that I possibly can to be positive, knowing that my brain is going to go towards a negative. Right? So why would you do that to yourself? Because how many people go onto a date or have something happen and go, oh, you shouldn't have said that. That was stupid. You shouldn't, shouldn't have spoke up at that meeting. You're always so stupid. You say the stupidest, be quiet. Don't start. Don't. Don't say anything anymore. Oh, that's why no one's interested in you, because you need to lose. Now, when my brain does go towards the negative, what do I have to do? I have to everything that I can to pull myself out of that negativity, knowing that that's just what's going to happen. Make sense? Your brain's naturally going to be negative if you're like most people, which means that you're going to have to work £15 because your hair looks stupid because that zit on your face. How often do we talk to ourselves that way? Work harder to be positive, but it doesn't mean that positivity is impossible. Just means that positivity and being positive. How often do we hold ourselves back from all of the amazing things that we have? And finding things you're grateful for takes work. So you're gonna have to put the work in we could do in this world because we're too busy talking trash to ourselves. You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself. So why would you talk to yourself that way? You also have to realize that sometimes what you're doing is you're actually searching for the. Because ultimately, the one person that you should love more than anybody else in the world is yourself. Because the more that you love yourself, the better that you are, the better that you negative things within yourself. This is where it gets really difficult. Because what do a lot of us do? We talk to ourselves in our head and we say Things that's not positive. We say things that's not motivating. And we say things that we would never say to somebody that we love. You leave the world, the better that you interact with everyone else that surrounds you. One video that I absolutely love, that's. That has to do with this. Think of all of the negative things that you've said to yourself. All of the, you look fat in these jeans. You're ugly. Look at that pimple on your face. You're stupid. All the things that you might have said to yourself. And realize that you probably would never say any of those things to someone that you love, right? Like if your friend called you. My friend Jay Shetty made a video, and he went, you know, sat down with some women who were in their late 20s, early 30s, and he said, hey, what I want you to do with the pen and paper is write down all of the negative stuff that, you know, you say to yourself. All of the crappy things that you say. Write it all down. So they have a pen and paper and they're ready writing it all down. They're writing it. They're writing it. And he goes, okay, what I want you to do is this. Come with me. And he takes them into another room. And they didn't know this, but in the other room are their little sisters, like 10. And she had a really bad first date. She's like, yeah, you know, I was really into the guy. And, you know, he said that. That he. He thought it would be. We'd be better off as friends. You wouldn't go, yeah, well, Stacy, it's because you're, you know, you probably need to lose 15 pounds, probably because your haircut, probably because you don't look too good, probably because you're not too smart. Like, you never say that to your friend. You'd be there, and you'd be there to support her, right? So why would you do that to yourself? Because how many people go onto a date or have something happen and go, oh, you shouldn't have said that. That was stupid. You shouldn't have spoke up at that meeting. You're always so stupid. You say the stupidest. Be quiet. Don't start. Don't. Don't say anything anymore. Oh, that's why no one's interested in you, because you need to lose 10 to 16 years old. And he goes, I want you to go ahead and say everything that's on that sheet of paper to your little sister. And these women are like, there's no way. I can't do that. He goes, why not? He's like, because that's 15 pounds. Because your hair looks stupid, because that zit on your face. How often do we talk to ourselves that way? How often do we hold ourselves back from all of the amazing things that we could do in this world because we're too busy talking trash to our ourselves? You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself, so why would you talk to yourself that way? Because ultimately, the one person that you should love more than anybody else in the world is yourself. Why would I say that to a 10 to 16 year old girl? Like, how bad is it to say something like that to them? Because the more that you love yourself, the better that you are. The better that you leave the world, the better that you interact with everyone else that surrounds you. One video that I absolutely love that has to do with this, and then you realize that you're still that 5, 10, 16 year old person. My friend Jay Shetty made a video and he went, you know, sat down with some women who are in their late 20s, early 30s, and he said, hey, what I want you to do with the pen and paper is write down all of the negative stuff that, you know, you say to yourself, all of the crappy things that you say, write it all down deep down inside. And you're saying that to your little self all day long. You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself, so why would you talk to yourself that way? So they have a pen and paper and they're writing it all down. They're writing it, they're writing it. And he goes, okay, what I want you to do is this, Come with me. And he takes them into another room and they didn't know this, but in the other room are their little sisters, like 10. What benefit has ever come from talking down to yourself 10 to 16 years years old? And he goes, I want you to go ahead and say everything that's on that sheet of paper to your little sister. And these women are like, I, I, there's no way, I can't do that. He goes, why not? He's like, because that's ever. What benefit has ever come from seeking out the negative in everything that's happening? So what you have to do is you have to become very self aware of when you start to do this. You have to become aware. Why would I say that to a 10 and 16 year old girl? Like, how bad is it to say something like that to them? And then you realize that you're still that 5, 10, 16 year old person deep down inside and you're saying that to your little self all day long. Number one, that you might have a problem. We all have problems in different ways. But a lot of people have problems with the negativity side. You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself. So why would you talk to yourself that way? What benefit has ever come from talking down to yourself? So if we're trying to destroy negative thoughts, we need to first become very self aware that we have a lot of negative ever. What benefit has ever come from seeking out the negative in everything that's happening? So what you have to do is you have to become very self aware of when you start to do this. You have to become aware if thoughts and we need to pay attention, attention to every single thought, number one, that you might have a problem. We all have problems in different ways. But a lot of people have problems with the negativity side. Because what happens is a lot of times thoughts will come up, we just act like they're just reaction, they'll just pop up. There's pop up kind of like, you know, bubbling to the surface and we're not in control of them. And then when they come up, then we react to them. So if we're trying to destroy negative thoughts, we need to first become very self aware that we, we have a lot of negative thoughts and we need to pay attention to every single thought. So what do we need to do? We need to become very self aware of these thoughts. If we want to change something, we need to become aware because what happens is a lot of times thoughts will come up, we just act like they're just reaction, they'll just pop up. There's pop up kind of like you know, bubbling to the surface and we're not in control of them. And then when they come up, then we react to them. So what do we need to do? We need to become very self aware of these thoughts. If we want to change something. We need to become aware of when this something that we want to change comes up. Of when this something that we want to change comes up. And here's a tip that I'm going to give you to help you out with this. Try this for one week. I know and here's a tip that I'm going to give you to help you out with this. Try this for one week. I know that majority of people out here listening to me right now won't do this. But if you're serious about becoming better at self, love about becoming better. The majority of people out here listening to me right now won't do this. But if you're serious about becoming better at self, love about becoming better at positive things and getting rid of the negative self talk. This is a challenge I want to give you. Go to a store, Walgreens, cvs, whatever it is, wherever you live in the world, and get a little notebook, like one of the ones that says, like, you know, the size of your hand, basically the one that'll fit in your pocket. And I want you to, for a week straight, don't do this on your phone. Do it with pen and paper. Every single negative thought that pops into your head, I want you to write it down with pen and paper. Don't type it. I want you to write it down. Every single negative thing that you say. And the reason why is because you're going to start to build awareness. You can't change anything that you're not aware of. And so I want you to take them from inside of your head to on a piece of paper and you're going to build this awareness and you're going to start to notice that when I do certain things, I start to talk to myself this way. When this happens to me, I start to talk to myself this way. And you'll notice and listen. The thing I'm going to tell you is this. If you're going to be doing this, don't attach any emotion to this. Look at it as if you're just writing stuff down. Because the worst thing that could happen, and I know that some people do this, if I don't preface it this way, you're going to write something down and then what are you going to do? You're going to start to judge yourself for it. You're going to start to shame yourself for it. You're going to start to guilt yourself for it. Don't do that. You're just going to take whatever's going on in your head and you're going to put it down on a piece of paper and you're going to start to build awareness around all of the things that you say to yourself that are negative every single day. Because when it's in your head, when it's in your head, it doesn't seem real, it's not tangible, it's not something that you can hold on to in this world. But when you take it and you actually write it down, going from your head and putting it on a piece of paper and it's physical. And you can hold it. It becomes real. And then you look at it and go, wow, Yeah, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to talk to myself anymore. And you start to realize, number one, the negative stuff that you're saying, number two, what makes these negative thoughts come up? Maybe certain actions or certain feelings or certain people that you're around throughout the day make it come up. And number three, what you realize is that I can change this. And writing it down makes it real. And you're like, you know what? This is something that I'm going to take. I'm looking. I said 17 negative things in myself today. These are all the things you look fat in, that you look stupid. You know, you shouldn't speak up because you got a lisp. Whatever it is, you say all of these negative things to yourself. So the first tip I'm going to give you is write down every single negative thought for week. Just the awareness will start to have you change your mind in the way that you are. Then what happens is you start to change that negativity and turn into positivity. So that's the second tip. Whenever I notice a negative thought pop in my head, that's one negative thought, I'm going to write it down. My job is to now say three positive things to basically take that one thing and trumpet with something that's even bigger. So it's like if I have one negative thought, I'm going to have three positive thoughts, and I'm going to do this over and over and over and over again. And by doing this, you're actually starting to rewire and reprogram your brain. You're not going to be the most positive person within seven days. But if you do this for a while over and over and over and over again, you're going to start to notice you're a lot more positive a person because you're starting to rewire yourself to be more positive and less negative. So that's the simple second tip I'm going to give you about it. First one, write every single negative thought down. Number two, whenever you get a negative thought, you got to go ahead and take it and make three positive thoughts out of it. After you write down. And number three is to program yourself with gratitude and positivity from the beginning of your day. The same way that if I were to get into my car right now, I live in Austin, Texas, and I were to go, you know what, I'm going to go to Houston, Texas. What am I going to do? I'm going to take, take my phone out, I'm going to get my GPS and I'm going to say, okay, here's my friend's address. This is my intention, is to go from Austin, Texas to my friend Mike's house in Houston, and it will take me there. I want to program myself in the morning, set my GPS every single morning to then get me to how I want to feel. My morning routine is not just a checklist. My morning routine is actually gearing me up for how I want to feel for the day. And so what do I do the first 15 minutes? The very first thing that I do, I wake up, I go to the bathroom, I drink water, I brush my teeth, and then what do I do the first 15 minutes of my day? 10 to 15 minutes, I focus on what can I be grateful for. And I just find things to be grateful for. I'm not trying to find things to be grateful for, just be grateful. I'm trying to program gratitude into my brain. What you appreciate, appreciate. So if I'm going to find more things to be grateful for, I'm going to set that reticular activating system first thing in the morning. Then I'm going to find throughout the day more things that I'm grateful for. I'm going to feel better and I'm going to create more things to be grateful for. So the same way that if you wake up and you're me like shit, I don't want to be awake, I don't want to be here. I wish I could just keep sleeping in. I don't want to go to my stupid job. You start off on negativity, you're going to be more negative throughout the day. I'm going to program myself knowing that my brain is naturally going to gear towards negativity, to actually program myself and set myself up, set my GPS up to how I want to feel, to be grateful and positive throughout the day. So the third thing is to start every day with gratitude. Set your mental GPS for how you want to feel, because negativity is what you will get gear towards. But if you start setting your, if you turn your ship and go, I want to go this way instead, and you start focusing on things that you could be grateful for, you'll find more things to be grateful for, you'll be more positive. And within six months, a year, two years, three years, you notice that you're not the same person. And the reason why is because you've changed yourself, you've rewired your brain and you've changed yourself to find things to be grateful for and to make positive out of negative. And you become an optimist person when you used to be a pessimistic person. So that is how you rewire yourself to destroy your negative thoughts, to become a positive person, how to always be positive. And I don't mean it from a standpoint of like, oh my gosh, man, let's just, let's just be positive all the time. And from a woo woo standpoint or any of those types of things I'm talking about from an actual practical standpoint, how can I make sure that no matter what happens to me in my life, that I build the mental fortitude to be able to handle it, no matter what it is? Because ultimately, that's what we're really trying to build an incredible mind for, is to be able to handle everything that life can throw at us. In reality, we know that, you know, there are some beautiful moments of life, there are some terrible moments of life, and we want to build a mindset that, that can handle all of this. It's like the phrase, a skilled sailor didn't stay inside of the harbor. You have to go out and actually literally go through and take some bumps and some bruises and you have to get out of the harbor in order to actually become a skilled sailor. You know, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, I think is actually the better phrase. There's. I think I just took two phrases and put them together for the first one. And so whatever, who cares? You. You know what I'm trying to say. And I mean, from a practical standpoint, how can we make sure that no matter what happens to us, we are positive? And I want you to know this from the very beginning. I'm not talking about how can we just ignore all of the negativity. I'm actually talking about more than anything else, besides, ignoring the negativity is actually focusing more on the negativity to extract the positive from the negative. And so people that are out there like, well, I don't want to just ignore the negative because positive thinking is a bad thing. You shouldn't just think positive all the time. I'm actually gonna be talking about and teaching you how to extract positivity from all of the negative stuff that happens around you. And we're gonna go dive into two aspects of your life. The first one is your internal negativity, which is just 100% you. And then the second side is gonna be your external negativity, which is also you, but it's also other people that might be around you as well. And the goal of today is for you to mentally sit there, maybe even with a pen and paper, and to see how you can clear house in all of the different pockets of your life and pull the negativity out of it so you can have as much beauty and joy as possible. So when we're talking about the internal negativity, you may have heard me say this before, but I always like to talk about your mind as if it was a garden. It comes from a book. As a man thinketh, and he says, imagine that you're the gardener of this garden. You're the only one that has access, access to this garden. It's impossible for you to plant strawberry seeds and expect that tomatoes are somehow going to grow because you can't plant strawberries. Season expects tomatoes are going to. That's not going to happen. Same way that you can't have negative thoughts, negative thoughts, negative thoughts, negative thoughts. And then just automatically you're just positive all of the time. And so what happens is you have to notice the negativity. And just as if you're a gardener, see that that weed grows, you have to go pull the weeds as soon as they pop up. The secret to it, though, is that you are the only one that actually has access to this garden. There's no one else. And so you can't allow that negativity to creep in. When you do, you have to immediately identify that negativity, go and pull it like a weed that's inside of your garden. And the reason why I say it once you notice it, is because you can't always control your first thought. You have to rise up until the moment that you're listening to this right now, or watching it, however you happen to be consuming this piece of content, you have a lot of patterns and habits and traits that were built into you as a person. So you might immediately have a thought of judgment against somebody. That might not be the thought that you want to have, but it's your first thought. And a lot of times, because of your programming, because of your subconscious thoughts and everything that's been happening to you up until the first 20, 30, 40 years of your life, whatever it is that the age that you are, that is your immediate first thought. And you can't control your immediate first thought right now, but you can always, always, always choose your second thought. And so if you notice that a first thought comes in, that is not the thought that you want. The same way that you would pull the weed. You got to pull it and immediately replace it with a thought that you do want. The way that you start to re pattern yourself is to make sure that you notice the things you don't want and replace them with the things that you do want. Now here's another thing that you have to realize. A lot of times people will have a judgment thought or a negative thought or a thought that they don't want to have. And then instead of pulling that weed, they now judge themselves for having that negative thought. That does nothing for you to just judge yourself for that negative thought that you now have. It doesn't help you in any sort of way. And in fact it makes it worse. So it's like looking at the weed and going, oh my gosh, weed. Why are you there? I don't want you to be there. That's not going to do anything to the weed. Get off your ass. Go and pull the weed. That that's what you need to do in your mind. Don't judge yourself for it. Don't get emotional over it. You look at it and you say, that weed is there. I need to pull that weed. So you can't control your first thought, but you can always control your second thought. And the other thing that makes it beautiful about life is realizing that negativity is going to happen no matter what. Things are going to happen that you don't want to happen. You know, failures are going to happen. People that you love are going to die at some point in time. Not trying to get morbid, I'm just being very private, practical and realistic here. People that you love are going to die, relationships are going to end, people are going to be fired. You know, things are going to happen in life that you don't want to happen at some point in time. Instead of allowing those things to get you to go down a path of negative thinking or judgment or fear or worry or anxiety, why don't you look at them knowing that it's going to happen? There's nothing you can do to avoid it and say, what can I learn from this? What can I learn from every aspect of it? I'll give you an example. My grandparents passed away a few years ago within 17 days of each other. Tragic. Sucks. They have beautiful lives, though. And so what I wanted to do, instead of getting sad and depressed about it, I'm not saying don't grieve is what I did was I actually sat down and I planned out what I loved about them and how I could put that into my personality so that I can look at a death and something that I didn't want to have happen but did happen. And I can try to figure out some form of positivity from it. Because ultimately, you're either looking at the world one of two ways as if it's happening to you, which is like, oh, woe is me. You know, this just happened. This person broke up with me. This person died. I'm so sad for myself. That's woe is me. Or you look at as if something is happening for you. Imagine as if you're in the Truman Show. You know, the show with Jim Carrey from you years ago. In every single event, every single challenge, every single thing that happens to you is a perfectly crafted curriculum for the life that you are trying to live. As if somebody up there is just like, okay, now make it rain. Okay, now make this person break up with this person. Now make this person get fired, whatever it is. Because you have to go through those things in order to get to the next level of life. Imagine as if it's just a giant game and life is just a perfectly crafted curriculum for your growth. If you thought of life that way, how differently would you approach every single thing that happened to you, Every single challenge, every single beautiful thing, and every single negative thing that happens to you as well. Life is happening to you is a negative way of thinking of it. Life is happening for you is a beautiful, positive way of thinking of it. It's your choice. You are the one that's able to decide which one it is, because it's never about what happens in your life. It's your perspective and perception of what happens to you in your life. And so you could say, okay, yeah, these things are happening to me, or these things are happening for me. So things are going to happen. It's never the event. It's your perception of the event and how you're actually putting it into your life. Hey, if you're enjoying this video, do me a favor and hit that, like, button down below. It helps with the YouTube algorithm so that more people can see this message because it helps us get it out organically. So hit that, like button, and I appreciate you. One of the things that people really struggle with the most when it comes to negativity and positivity is that when these things do happen, they are almost resisting reality. Like, they don't want this negative thing to have happened. And so they're almost resisting it and trying to fight it, even though it's already happened. They're Trying to fight it because they don't want it to be that way. And I will always say this, the amount of stress and anxiety and worry and fear and all of those things that you feel around something or that you're currently going through will be in direct proportion to how much you are resisting the way that the world is. Let me say that again. The amount of stress, anxiety, worry, fear, all of those bad feelings that you don't want, that you're going through or will go through throughout life will be in direct proportion to how much you are resisting the way that the world is. The world is going to happen. People are going to die, relationships are going to end, people are going to get fired, people are going to run out of money. All of these things are going to happen. Probably at some point in time. There's a chance that they could happen to you or someone that you love. And if you resist, resist it, it's going to put you into more stress, anxiety, fear, whatever. But if you accept it, then you can realize that now it's time to move on and see this as a challenge in life. And now you can go into it with an open mind, more positive, and seeing it as a learning lesson. You know, if somebody passes away, if you try to resist that, you're going to put yourself into a torture chamber in your mind of resisting because you can't break. Bring that person back. It's impossible to bring them back. So what can you do? You can grieve, but you have to accept that's part of the grieving process, is to accept it and then try to take the beautiful aspects of that person put into your life. If a relationship ends, your stress and anxiety will be higher if you are resisting that and wishing that it were different than it currently is. So you have to realize we can't control all of those problems that happen to us, but we can always control our reaction to every event in our life. So that's talking about the internal negativity. That's your job, is to clean house in your mind. Now, when we're talking about the external negativity, let's dive into all of the different aspects of it. First thing that we think about, and I hear all of the time, is, Rob, what do I do if people around me that I love are negative and we have two options, and really two options that you have. Either number one, you let them go and let them live their life the way they want to, or number two, you have to figure out some way to spend less time with them. It's that simple. If you want to truly grow into the person that you can become and someone's bringing you down, either they need to be released and let go, or you need to spend less time with them. You. If. If you truly want to become the person that you can become, right? Those are the two options. And you know, whichever one you choose is your choice, and that's beautiful. But ultimately, you have to realize if there's external negativity around you, it's crazy to think that the external does not affect the internal. So if it's really important to you to build a big, beautiful life that's positive, that you love, full of joy, peace, happiness, all of that, it's going to be really hard to do when you have people that are bringing you down all of the time. So I'm not saying that you need to just leave your parents and never see them again. What I'm saying, though, is, can you spend less time with them? If your mom calls you and throws all of her worries on top of you, can you tell her to stop doing that? Can you? And you have to realize this. You teach people how to talk to you. So if that's happening, for instance, where your mom's calling you and throwing all of the negativity and all of her worries on top of you, just say, mom, stop. I don't want to listen to this. Don't call me, call somebody else. Anytime you want to be negative, right? You teach people how to talk to you. And you're an adult now, so teach people how you want to be talked to. You have to realize that because the top five people that you spend the most time with, you will be the most. Like I always say, if you want to be a millionaire, hang out with five other millionaires. You'll probably be the sixth. If you want to be fit, hang out with five people who are really fit. If you're hanging out with five alcoholics, you're probably going to be the six. If you're hanging out with five people that are overweight, you're probably going to be the six. You are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. You need to start paying really close attention to who the people are that you're hanging around with and how they affect your internal environment. Because ultimately you might start to realize, go through your top five and say, okay, number one, two, three, four, five. These are five other millionaires. You'll probably be the sixth. If you want to be fit, hang out with five people who are really fit. If you're hanging out the five people I spend the most time with, okay, three of them are really great. Three of them are really supportive. Two of them. I need to spend some less time with these two, okay, so let me drop these two out of my top five. I can still hang out them every once in a while and see them at family events or whatever it is. But now I can replace two other people that I know will support me and push me and allow me to think better and have them in my top five so that I can grow and expand into the person I know that I can be. Now, some people say, but, Rob, I still live at home with my parents. My mom is so negative. Then what do I do? Well, see it as another challenge. Once again, like the Truman Show, Like I said a few minutes ago, everything that happens to you is a perfectly crafted five alcoholics. You're probably going to be the same. If you're hanging out with five people that are overweight, you're probably going to be the six. You are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. You need to start paying really close attention to who the people are that you're hanging around with and how they affect your internal environment. Because ultimately, you might start to realize, go through your top five and say, okay, number one, two, three, four, five. These are curriculum for you to become the best version of yourself. So if you are in the Truman show and you're just. You're given a negative mother as an example, then how can you. The five people I spend the most time with, okay, three of them are really see that as a challenge for you to become more positive in that environment, right? How can you see it as if it's a game? In order to get to the next level of life, you have to eventually get past this level that you're on. And that might just have a really negative mother is the example that you have in this level, right? And you have to think about it. It's like. It's like walking into your house and it's fully negative. If that's what you have and there's nothing you can do about it right now, it's like walking into the gym for your mind, right? How can I go and lift as much weight as I possibly can to get my muscles as big as possible? That's how you grow. If you want to get bigger biceps, you do heavier biceps curls, right? If you want to get more positive and build a strong mental fortitude, you're going to have to put it under some strain. Here's your challenge. If you choose to accept it, go into there and realize that you're going to be surrounded by negativity. And you need to build this mental fortitude of positivity because that's what you're, that's what you're given. You got to figure it out. So who do you surround yourself with? Who do you spend the most time with on a day to day basis? And do you need to shift your top five a little bit? Because you're going to become the people that you surround yourself with. It's just the way that it works. You will hold yourself to the same standards that everybody that you surround yourself with as well do as well do. I don't know. That wasn't even right. You're going to, you're going to. You're going to hold yourself to standards that everyone else around you holds themselves to. So you have to think about that. Great. Three of them are really supportive. Two of them. I need to spend some less time with these two. Okay, so let me drop these two out of my top five. I can still hang out with them every once in a while and see them at family events or whatever it is. But now I can replace two other people that I know will support me and push me and allow me to think better and have them in my top five so that I can grow and expand into the person I know that I can be. Now some people say, but Rob, I still live at home with my parents. My mom is so negative. Then what do I do? So that's part of External is the people that are around you. Other aspects of External that you might not think of. Well, number one, how about the music that you listen to? This is a big one for me. I didn't really realize was. Was actually affecting the way that I feel Like I have music that I listen to now. I have music that I used to listen to and I don't listen to as much anymore. Sometimes I'll indulge. You know, when I was younger, really didn't like hardcore metal. Then I moved in and had a roommate and we were both musicians and I started to really appreciate it because hardcore metal, like they are the best, most talented musicians in the world. Incredible. But for me, I've come to realize that music makes me really anxious and it's super negative. And about killing and death and all of this stuff. I can appreciate them from afar, but I don't listen to it anymore. Right. I've just realized that that music and that's just me. It might not be you. It's okay. I've just realized that that music, the external of that music affects me. Some of the music I used to listen to, hip hop, rap music, it's not the way that I live my life. And I don't, well, see it as another challenge. Once again, like the Trick Truman Show. Like I said a few minutes ago, everything that happens to you is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to become the best version of yourself. I don't want to say out loud some of the things that they say because anything that I say out loud is an affirmation and going into my subconscious. And if I don't want to treat people the way that they treat people, I'm probably not going to listen to that music. Do I still indulge every once in a while? Yes. As much as I used to? Absolutely not. So I try to literally listen to music that I can feel, feel inside of me is raising my vibration, I guess you could say, because music is a vibration. You are a vibratory being. So if you are in the Truman show and you're just bloop. You're given a negative mother as an example, then how can you see that as a challenge for you to become more positive in that environment? Right. How can you see it as if it's. And so you have to realize that's going to come into your body and make you feel a certain way. The words will, the music will. The vibration. Well, all of that stuff. Well, I'm not trying to be weird and woo, woo. We have like oh, your vibrations. But really essentially music is a vibration. You are a vibratory being. There's no way around that. So that music is affecting you in some sort of way. So think about that. What else external affects you? What about the stuff you watch on tv? The news? Stop watching it. It doesn't, it doesn't really inform you. It doesn't keep. Keep you informed. It keeps you conformed. That's really what it does. Right. There's other ways to get your news. The news stations, probably not the best, especially if you live in America. Right. So news, reality tv. Oof, game. In order to get to the next level of life, you have to eventually get past this level that you're on. And that might just have a really negative mother is the example that you have in this level. Right. And you have to think about it. It's like a. It's like walking into your house and it's fully negative. If that's what you have and there's nothing you can do about it right now. And some people like, oh, but I just watch reality TV because it's just mind numbing and it's just fun to watch what people do. It's like walking into the gym for your mind, right? No, you're watching people. I've seen a lot of reality tv. I've walked in the room when it's on screaming, treating people that you would never. How can I go and lift as much weight as I possibly can to get my muscles as big as possible? That's how you grow. If you want to get bigger biceps, you do heavier biceps. Want to treat that external your, your that's coming into your eyes, it's coming into your ears, everything. You are consuming it. The same way that if you were to eat your shoe, it's going to in some form of some way come into your body and make you not feel good. You're still consuming all of the stuff that you see in here. Think about it that way. What about games you play? Do you play video games that are hardcore? Shoot em up games that make you anxious, that are keeping you on the edge of your seat? I had a friend that literally he was on this podcast where he was playing video games that were just hardcore games that kept him anxious and it clicked a part of his brain over and he wasn't able to sleep for a year and a half because of all of the anxiety that it created. Now it wasn't just the video games, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back, which shows you those things come into your internal environment. Lip scrolls, right. If you want to get more positive and build a strong mental fortitude, you're going to have to put it under some strain. Here's your challenge. If you choose to accept it, go into there and realize that you're going to be surrounded by negativity and you need to build this mental fortitude of positivity because that's what you're, that's what you're given. You got to figure it out. So if you're not going to go up and honestly like think about it, if you're not going to go out and shoot a bunch of people. So who do you surround yourself with? Who do you spend the most time with on a day to day basis and do you need to shift your top five a little bit because you're going to become the people that you surround yourself with. It's just the way that it works. You will hold yourself to the same standards that everybody that you surround yourself with as well do. As well do. I don't know. That wasn't even right. The street. Why would you want to do it on a tv? Really deeply think about that and start to reassess it. What you do is your own prerogative, but really start to think about these things that you do. You're going to hold yourself to standards that everyone else around you. You know, I was playing VR the other day. Played it like for a few hours with one of my friends. So much fun. So incredible. But when I was done, I realized my level of anxiety was so high because I was literally in VR, in reality shooting things. And it was just like things were popping up and it was scaring me. Is keeping all the edge of my seat. It literally raised my anxiety. I was like, I can't do that again. Holds themselves to. So you have to think about that. So that's part of external is the people that are around you. Other aspects of external that you might not think of. Well, number one, how about the music that you listen to? Was it fun? Hell yeah, it was fun. But it literally made me feel bad after something to think about. Just think about the games that you're playing. How about people you follow on social media? This is a big one for me. I didn't really realize was was actually affecting the way that I feel like I have music that I listen to now. I have music that I used to listen to and I don't listen to as much anymore. Sometimes I'll indulge. You know, when I was younger, really didn't like hardcore metal. Then I moved in and had a roommate and we were both musicians. And I started to really appreciate it because hardcore metal, like they are the best, most talented musicians in the world. Incredible. But for me, I've come to realize that music makes me really anxious and it's super negative and about killing and death and all of this stuff. I can appreciate them from afar, but I don't listen to it anymore. Right. I've just realized that that music. And that's just me. It might not be you. It's okay. I've just realized that that music. Think about that. Just think about all of the external pieces of your life. Because ultimately everything that you consume is going to affect you in some form of a different. Like whatever it is that you do, no matter what it is, if you drink cyanide, it's going to affect you because you're consuming poison. Think about how many forms of poison that you're consuming that's not, you know, actual cyanide, but stuff that you're seeing, stuff that you're hearing, people that you're surrounding yourself with in thoughts that are going on inside of your head. Ultimately the best thing for you to do is take a pen and paper out right now and actually plan out what your life looks like. The external of that music affects me. Some of the music I used to listen to, hip hop, rap music, it's not the way that I live my life. And positive side, the negative side in what you need to do to clear house of every aspect of that negativity. Because ultimately there's nobody in control of your life internally and externally except for you. You need to sit down and actually plan it out and as if it was a business and you were creating a business plan. I don't want to say out loud some of the things that they say because anything that I say out loud is an affirmation and going into my subconscious. And if I don't. Because internal and external environment are going to affect you in some form. That's just the truth. You have to see if it's something that you want to be consuming or if it's something that's poisonous to you. Hey, thanks so much for watching this video. If you want to learn even more about mastering your mind than click right here and watch this video. Want to treat people the way that they treat people? I'm probably not going to listen to that music. Do I still indulge every once in a while? Yes. As much as I used to? Absolutely not. So I try to literally listen to music that I can feel inside of me is raising you as well. Have you ever walked up to somebody and you just have a bad feeling around that person? Like there's just a feeling of something's not right. This can be a rich episode. Just so you know. My vibration, I guess you could say, because music is a vibration. You are a vibratory being. And so you have to realize that's going to come into your body and make you feel a certain way. The words will. The music will. Vibration. Well, all of that stuff. Well, I'm not trying to be weird and woo woo. We have like oh, your vibrations. But really essentially music is a vibration. You are a vibratory being. There's no way around that. So that music is affecting you and some sort of way. So think about that. What else external affects you? What about the stuff you watch on tv, the news? Stop watching it. It doesn't. It doesn't really inform you. It doesn't keep you informed, it keeps you conformed.