Understanding Your Feelings

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Learn more@chase.com Sapphire Reserve cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval. Welcome welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. Today we're going to be talking about how to deal with your feelings and how to deal with your thoughts, and also how to deal with all of the things that are happening in the world right now, which are always happening in different ways in the world right now. This is going to be a lot less of a. This is as much as an action item, me speaking very fast, giving you as much as I possibly can. This is more of a, hey, let's think for a minute. Let's think for a little bit. I want to see if I can help as many of you out there because there's a lot of stuff that's happening in the world right now. There's a lot of things that we can look at and we can see and we can react to in different ways. Whether that's happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, all of those things. And really what I think that it comes down to is our reaction to everything inside of Us and what we can do about those reactions. And so that's what we're going to talk about. And this stems from a very long conversation that I had yesterday in my Uber drive. My car broke down. My, my rental car broke down in Sedona and I literally had to go catch a flight. So I had to take an Uber from Sedona all the way to Phoenix, which is about a two hour drive. And I got into, got into the car and the guy who I was with, we were talking to within three and a half minutes, we got into a real deep conversation and basically was the entire two hours. And one of the things that we really started talking about right away was the quote. That's something on the lines of all of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Let me say that again. All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone. Why is it that we're so afraid to come in contact with our thoughts? Why is it that we're so afraid to come in contact with our feelings? Why do we try to, to run from them and try to keep busy all of the time? Like we have to be working, working, moving, hustling, doing this. And that is just another form of numbing. And so a lot of times what we're doing is we're numbing our true selves, we're numbing our thoughts, we're numbing our feelings because we're afraid to actually come in contact with them. And it's pretty interesting when you actually think about that. It's pretty interesting to realize that we're afraid of our own thoughts and our own feelings. And so what we're gonna talk about today is how to come in contact with them, how to accept them, and how to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have.

Now.

It's an interesting thing to realize that we don't come in contact or don't sit with our thoughts and our feelings near as much as we should. When was the last time that you just sat for an extended period of time and just allowed yourself to be with your thoughts? Like an extended period of time? 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour, two hours. When was the last time you took two hours out of your day and did nothing but just thought and just experience what was going on? And this is one of the things I think will help. A lot of people, a lot of people struggle with meditation. I struggle with meditation, and I've been doing it for you know, what year is it? 13 years now. I've been trying to meditate. I'm still struggling with it. So, you know, I want you to realize it's not something that you just master more than anything else. It's just a daily practice. It's not something to try to master. But a lot of people think that they struggle with meditation because they can't stop thinking. The point of meditation, and this should help a lot of you out there, is not to stop thinking. The point of meditation is to observe your thoughts. Isn't that nice? You don't have to stop your brain. I don't think that you ever will stop your brain. But you're not supposed to just stop thinking when you meditate. All you're supposed to be doing is just observing your thoughts, just being with your thoughts and realizing that your thoughts aren't necessarily. Even though I'm going to call them your thoughts, they're not even necessarily your thoughts. They're just kind of coming through you. They are. And I always say this, thoughts and feelings. And I didn't make this up. I've heard people say this over years and years. Thoughts and feelings are just basically like passing clouds. Like, you don't look at a cloud and be like, oh, my God, I'm that cloud. Oh, my God, I'm that cloud. Right? You look at it and you're like, oh, it's just a cloud. You're not the weather. You're not the clouds. You look and you say, okay, today's a sunny day. And you could let it affect you and be happier because of that. Or you could say, oh, today's a crappy day, and let that weather affect you. Or you can just look and say, okay, the clouds are out today. You know, sometimes you wake up and inside it feels like the clouds are out today, doesn't it? You know, it's like, I don't know what the feeling is. I just. I'm not on it today. And that's okay. You don't have to be on it every single day. But when will you take time with yourself to be with your thoughts, to just simply observe them and see where they are, what they're thinking, what they're doing? Because I think one of the biggest problems that we run from all of these things we run, we have to constantly be working. We have to be. You know, a lot of people, they get home from work or on the weekends, they drink or they eat food so that, you know, when they eat a lot of food, it ends up Putting them into, you know, like, almost a comatose state. And they just. They don't have to think about their problems. And so we have so many different forms of numbing that we have versus just being. Just sitting there and being. Cause you're not a human doing, you're a human being. But we spend the majority of our time acting like we're human doings, having to do things. What's the problem with just being alone with your thoughts, though? Think about that. And let's switch to another one. What's the problem with being alone with your feelings? One of the things that's really interesting about what I do is I speak with a lot of people, and a lot of people will tell me, oh, this is going on, this is going on, this is going on. And then I can say something like, is that really what's going on? Or is there something else going on inside of you? And you give them space. What's really interesting is when people have space, what's really happening usually will come out. And what people think is like, oh, my business is a problem, or, you know, I'm putting too much time into my business, or it's not going the way that I want it to. And you give them some space to think, and you give them some space to express and to be. Usually that's not the problem at all. There's something that's behind that, that they're trying to run from by keeping busy all the time. And so they don't come in contact with their feelings, and they don't realize that, you know, what's. What's the issue is not what's actually the issue. What's the issue is that, you know, they haven't resolved feelings from their past about the resentment that they have towards their father. And all of the problems that they have now are not the problems they have now. They're just something that's popping up because of their unresolved feelings towards their resentment, towards their father or towards their mother, or towards someone who broke their heart seven years ago. What if you were to just be alone with your thoughts for a little while and say, where's this coming from? Why am I thinking this? Why am I feeling this? Be alone with your feelings for a little while. Okay, I feel very, like, sad today. Why do I feel sad? I feel very anxious today. Why do I feel anxious? And taking out a pen and paper and just asking yourself, how do I feel today? I feel anxious. Okay, let me sit. What if I sit in that anxiousness for a minute? And not try to fight it. Because one of the problems is that is that we feel like we're not supposed to feel certain feelings. Like we're not supposed to feel the lower feelings, we're only supposed to feel the higher feelings. No, no, no, it's not supposed to be that way. You're supposed to feel all of the feelings. 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dial so you go back to your pen and paper because once again, if you've heard me say this before, when something's inside of your head, it's very abstract. If you try to ask yourself and figure out why you feel anxious in your head, you might be able to figure it out. But if you write it down, how do I feel today? You know what? I feel anxious. Why do I feel anxious today? I feel anxious because I've got this deadline that's coming up. And I also feel anxious because, you know, my spouse is doing this one thing repeatedly over and over again, and I haven't told them yet. And it's really starting to bother me. Okay, what's the best way to work out of this anxiety? You know what? I need to have a conversation with my spouse. And you start to realize that what's actually the issue on the surface is very rarely the issue. And you let your feelings come up. You don't try to hide your feelings, because if you push your feelings down, it's just going. If you're trying to avoid some sort of pain, there's one thing that I know is the more that you try to avoid pain, the more painful it will be later on down the road. And so you let them all come up. You let your sadness come up. You let your restlessness come up. You let your anger come up. You let your happiness come up. You let your joy come up. You let everything come up. And then you ask yourself, where is this coming from? Why do I Feel this way and you start to actually understand your emotions. One of the things that very few of us were taught is how to understand our emotions. And I think the reason why is because a lot of our parents understand their emotions. And so you can't teach something that you don't understand yourself. But it doesn't mean it's something that you can't go on a self discovery process on your own and start to find out about yourself, right? Feel them, feel the feelings, feel the emotions, ask yourself where they're coming from. And you have to realize this right here is a practice that you have to do to start to understand yourself much more if you want to be happier. Guess what? Understand your happiness more if you wanna be happier. Understand your sadness more. Understand your anxiety more. Understand your frustration more. Understand your melancholy more. Understand every feeling that you have so that you can kind of feel those feelings. And what happens is over time you start to be able to work through those feelings and start to get yourself to whatever destination that it is that you're trying to work through. Like a lot of people, and I say this all the time, they think like, I'm the most motivated person, I must be happy all the time. No, there's days where I just don't fucking feel it. And that's okay. But what happened is because of the fact that I've been diving into myself and helping other people dive into themselves for so long, when I find myself in a state that I don't want to be in, I just simply accept it. Okay, this is how I feel today. And then I journal through it. Why do I feel this way? And usually what I find is that I have the tools in my tool belt to get myself out of that place. I'm not trying to rush myself out of it, I'm to trying. I'm just trying to get myself out of it faster than I used to. It's not some superhuman ability, it's something that everybody can do. And then you just give yourself permission to think for a little while. You know, if you're having one of those days, give yourself permission to think, give yourself permission to feel, and then just observe them once again. Meditation is not about sitting there and having no thoughts. Meditation is about observing thoughts. Become the observer. And this is one of the best meditative practices you can have, is to allow your thoughts to come up and then to think about those thoughts and to see those thoughts and be like, oh, that's an interesting thought. Do I want to keep thinking about that? Not necessarily, but we'll see where we go. And you look at it as if it's just like a movie. Like, you can't control a movie that's going on. Just imagine that your thoughts and your feelings are just like a movie that you're watching. Can you distance yourself from them? Cause once you start to distance yourself from them, your anxiety, your fear, your frustration will go way, way down. Cause you're like, oh, that was an interesting thought. I don't know where that one came from. Oh, this is an interesting feeling. This anxiety. That's interesting. I don't know where that came from. Let's think about this one a little bit. Let's dive into this one a little bit. Let's give this one some space. And you just allow yourself to be with it. Like, one of the things that I struggle with a lot is, like, restlessness. Like, I want to be constantly, always doing something. And so when I meditate, like, so, you know, every morning, Lauren and I meditate for 20 minutes together outside on the couch. We put on YouTube video. It's 20 minutes long. We listen. You know, it's a meditation music. We put it on for 20 minutes, and then we decided to extend it to 30 minutes. And I can notice my body and my mind starts to get really restless around what I would assume is about the 20 minute mark, because that's what I'm used to. But it's just like going to the gym and lifting a heavy weight, right? If I'm lifting a really, really heavy weight and I haven't lifted this weight before, there's going to be some struggle. And so my brain has a little bit of a struggle. And then I just see. I see the restlessness come up, and I'm like, oh, here it is. I'm like, hey, buddy, how's it going? Good to see you. Restlessness. And then instead of being like, oh, my God, I got to move, I got to move, I got to move, I got to move. It's just like, okay, hey, let me sit with this restlessness for a little while. Let me feel it. I mean, I don't need to associate with it. It doesn't have to be me. But let me just feel this for a little while. Ooh, that's an interesting feeling. Ooh, that's odd. Oh, that's an interesting one, too. Now, this is another thing that happens when I go out into the sauna. I'll do sauna for 20 minutes. It's like 180 degrees. I got a traditional sauna. First 10 minutes are great. 15 minutes starts to get a little bit harder. When I realize that I'm between minute 15 and 20, knowing that 20 is about to come up, I get really, really restless. And instead of, you know, moving and thinking and, oh, my God, I got five minutes, I got five minutes, I got four minutes. I got four minutes, I got three minutes, I got three minutes. It's like, okay, I'm getting really restless. Let me just allow my restlessness to come up. Because once I. Once my restlessness is. I'm working through it, I allow it to come up, it leaves. It's like the feelings of restlessness are there, and if I try to fight them or act like they're not there, they stay longer. But if I just allow them to just do what they're gonna do, they do what they're gonna do, and then they get done. It's kind of like a baby throwing a fit. All of you guys that have children or little brothers and sisters or nephews and nieces, a baby will have a fit, and then eventually they'll stop. And it's just like the emotion has to come out, and then it's gone. And now they're calm again and they fall back asleep. Sometimes that happens as a baby. Sometimes our body and our brains just want to throw little fits, and we can fight it and say, no, no, no, no, no. Or we could just say, okay, hey, have your fit, man, feel the way that you're going to feel, think the way that you're going to think, and then get curious about them. Where did this come from? Oh, man, that's not mine, but I'm watching it and it's really interesting. Oh, that's not mine either. That's not my feeling. That's not my thought. But it's there. Let me watch it. Let me dive deeper into this anxiety. Where did this come from? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel this way today when today yesterday I felt so amazing? Why is it this way? Oh, it's because of this. And you start to notice little things along the path, and it's not about getting rid of them. Because one of the things that's. That's that you have to understand as a human is that if you're going to experience the highest of highs, you can experience the highest of highs as a human if you haven't experienced the lows as well. And so if you can understand, hey, some days are going to be great. Some days are going to be okay. Some days are going to be not the best, but Today is just one of those days in the clouds will pass. It makes it so much easier to work through this life. It makes it so much easier to work through your emotions, make it so much easier to work through your feelings and to start to really understand where they come from. A lot of you guys are parents, A lot of you guys are in relationships. The better that you can become at all of these things, the better that you can help other people around you start to process these things. So when feelings come up, when thoughts come up, notice them, don't identify with them, and then get curious about them. Oh, that's interesting. Where did that come from? Why am I feeling this way? Is there a reason why I might be feeling this way? Is there something I could do to make myself feel a little bit better right now? No. Yes. Okay. And you start to work through those things, and instead of associating with them and fighting them, you just become curious and you just allow. And what happens is you would think that if you allow anxious thoughts, then you're going to be anxious forever. But just like a baby throwing a temper tantrum, a child, you know, a toddler throwing a temper tantrum, once the temper tantrum is over, peace usually comes. So once you just allow yourself to feel the feelings and to work through them, peace usually starts to come and you can understand yourself better. So this is obviously a different episode than normal, but I want you guys to understand this because this is very, very important. So with that, I'm gonna leave you the same way, leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I love you all. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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