Why Self-Help Books Aren’t Enough

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Welcome to today's EP of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you would also love watching this podcast and the YouTube stuff that we put up on YouTube. So go ahead and go to YouTube, type in my name, Rob Dial and I will pop up so you can start following us and see some of these podcasts live, but also see some of our YouTube specific lessons that we have as well. So once again go to YouTube. That's my name, Rob Dial and I'll see you over there as well. Today I'm going to be diving into why self help books are not enough and how you can unlock your full potential simply by just living your life. And so you know, I want to talk to you about how to quickly improve yourself and I'm going to talk to you about how I see a lot of problems in the personal development industry. You know I'VE been in this industry now for. For, you know, viewing it and then been. Been a part of it for 17 years. And the way that I look at life is to always be learning. And everything that happens to you, whether it's good, whether it's bad, whether it's terrible, whether it's neutral, everything that happens to you is an opportunity for you to learn. The problem is that a lot of people, I find, don't really see it that way, or they don't even know that life is here to teach you lessons. And there's lessons at every corner of your life. And one of the biggest misconceptions that I see about personal development is that people think, and I thought this for years. People think that personal development is deciding to read a book for 10 minutes every single morning. People think that personal development is meditating for 20 minutes in the morning. People think that personal development is going to their favorite person's conference. People think that personal development is journaling. They think that's listening to a podcast. And all of those are an aspect of personal development. And all of them are great. And I think that all of them are needed, but they're not the only things to improve yourself. People think that, you know, I got to get my 30 minutes of personal development in this morning. No, like, you've got to get your 16 hours of being awake personal development in this morning. You know, life is your opportunity for personal development. Personal development means that you personally are developing in some sort of way. How can I look at everything as a gift that has been given to me for me to be able to learn and to grow? Some people will go read a book, and then they'll be like, man, this is great. I'm learning how to improve myself. And then they'll get into a argument with their spouse and not realize that the book was great, it was fine. It's okay. You can read books. I read books. I love reading books. But not realize that the argument was actually. The argument with their spouse was actually their greatest opportunity for personal development that day. Think about that for a second. How often has the universe gifted you with opportunities to learn about yourself, to learn about others, to learn about everything around you, but you completely miss it because you get too involved in the minutiae of what's going on around you. You were in that argument. Well, why was there an argument? Why was there an argument in the first place? What can you learn from that argument? Maybe it was something that, you know, your wife or your husband had done over and over and over and over and over again. And he didn't say anything, he didn't say anything, he didn't say anything. And then finally you put so much stuff, you just brushed on the rug and brushed on the rug that eventually you tripped over the rug and you just exploded at them. What were we supposed to learn from that? Maybe the universe is coming to you saying, hey, you should speak your truth a little bit more. You should be more have better communication in your relationship with your spouse. Were you triggered in some sort of way? What was it that triggered you? Why was it triggering in you? Why was it a trigger? The universe is giving you a gift whenever you are triggered. It is showing you where you are not free. You are stuck in some sort of way. Triggering is a massive opportunity to learn. A trigger is a place where you're not free. And so the universe is showing you that you're not free through somebody else. They're bringing you your spouse to trigger you, to show you where you are still stuck, where you still need to improve. And all too often, we think of personal vahman as something that we do by ourselves, something that we do when we're reading books, when we're in a silo, when we're deciding, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and do some journaling this morning. And all of those are essential. They are a big piece of personal development. But the biggest opportunity for you to grow is by seeing your life as a classroom. Your life has been and will be a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to learn and grow and become the best person she could become. They're not separate. We're not talking about two separate worlds here. It is the same world. Your life is a classroom. You're in class all day long. Are you seeing it that way? Right? Someone else? If you look at the fact that you were triggered by something by your spouse, someone else could have had the exact same thing happen to them and not be triggered. Which shows you it's not the trigger, it's you. Was it your spouse that triggered you? Why? Where did that come from? Is there something that they said that reminded you of when you were younger? Maybe something that your parents didn't give you that triggered you? Or maybe something that happened to you when you were bullied by children and you still haven't let it go. You're 38 years old and you had this thing that happened to you when you were six and you've been carrying with it for 32 years, and that the person's coming to you the Universe is coming to you through your wife to trigger you, to show you where you're still not free from an event that happened to you six years ago. And you're thinking that personal development is reading a book. The book is important. I keep saying it, but what's really important is mastering this game of life. Seeing everything that happens to you as your perfectly crafted curriculum for your soul to learn, to grow, to improve. So you can listen to this podcast and get all excited like one of the things I hate. I hate being called a motivational speaker. Cause I'm not a fucking motivational speaker. I'm not trying to motivate you. I'm trying to give you tips and tricks to improve your life. If that happens to be motivating. Beautiful. I love that. That's great. But my job and what I feel is to try to help people become free from themselves, to free themselves from their mind, right? So you can listen to this podcast and you can get excited about growing. And then 30 minutes later, you know, you might listen to this podcast and you're on the way to Target and you're like, this is great. Me and my children were listening to, you know, Rob Dial, and you get to Target and you feel all great. You know, this is great. I love the stuff that Rob teaches. And then your child has a meltdown in Target. They throw a temper tantrum and what happens? You get pissed off or something. Right? That's a listen. I love that you listen to this podcast, but that is a much better place for you to learn and grow and improve. Can you learn, oh, my gosh, my child is having a complete meltdown. Can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm and allow them to process emotions, which is hard. I know, I get it. But can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm to show them that you are a safe space for them to, you know, express their emotions as they do? Can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm? Which is then a life lesson to help you to get calm in any storm? That child melting down and having a temper tantrum in Target was your opportunity for the day to learn and grow and become better. You are going to the mental gym and you're working on your mental muscles and trying to become better. That's your opportunity. Did you miss that opportunity to learn that the universe gave you, or did you take that opportunity? At the beginning of the year, we tend to think more about our habits and reflect on things we do every day. One area that often comes into focus is food. 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You won't find this offer anywhere else. You must use my link. That's H E A D S p a c e dot com. Dial 30 day to unlock headspace. Free for 30 days. This is not something that they normally do, so go to headspace.com, dial 30day. You know, let's say your boyfriend or your girlfriend forgets to call you, and it triggers you, and it triggers you, and you're just freaking out. Why didn't they call me? They said they were going to call me. They were supposed to call me. I hate when she doesn't call me. I hate when he doesn't call me. And then you actually take a step back and you look and you're witnessing yourself. You're witnessing you stuck in emotions. You take a step back and you're like, hold on. What's going on here? Why am I so triggered right now? It's just simply a phone call. Is it that big of a deal? Is life melting down around me? No. Okay, if I take a step back, what's going on? Oh, man. You know what's probably happening? I think I have a fear of abandonment from my childhood because my mom was this way or my dad was this way. Oh, God, I'm noticing my trigger. Thank you, universe, for coming through in my girlfriend and not calling me back and not texting me so that I can see that I'm still not free from that fear of an abandonment issue that started when I was nine years old. That's your trigger. That's your gift. Sure, we can blame it on her. We can blame it on, oh, you didn't call me back, you asshole. All of these things. But really what it comes down to is you. The call doesn't matter. Your reaction to the call matters. That's the thing that we need to figure out. And one of the things that I like to do whenever I notice myself being triggered in some sort of way, be triggered, and then take a step back and Say, okay, what's going on here? Like, I'll be fully honest with you. On Monday, I was looking on YouTube and I was. A few weeks ago, I was interviewed on a podcast by somebody else, and I was like, I wonder if they put that YouTube video up yet. And I was looking at the YouTube video, and they had put it up a couple hours before. And, you know, there was a bunch of positive comments, and it was awesome. And then there's one comment from this guy that said what this guy teaches is dangerous. And he thought it was dangerous because I said that people should journal because they can act kind of like their own psychologist. And in his mind, he made the connection of this guy saying, nobody should go to. To. To a psychologist. What they should do is, is literally just work themselves through journal. And that's dangerous. Which isn't what I said. So there was definitely some jumping in his mind, and then made another one of like, I'm gonna make a reaction video to this guy. And I was like, damn, this is pretty wild. And then. So what happened was I was in the middle of making breakfast tacos. I went back to making breakfast tacos, and about two minutes later, I noticed, like, a flood of stress come into my body. And I was like, this is weird. Why am I so stressed? I'm just making breakfast tacos. Like, I had a great morning. I woke up, I meditated with my wife. I read for, like, 30, 45 minutes. I went and got my workout in. I did my shower, and I was in the middle making breakfast tacos. I was having a great freaking day. And then out of nowhere, this flood of stress comes into my body. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is weird. I'm just making breakfast tacos. Why do I feel so stressed right now? And so what I did, same thing. I took a step back. Okay, what's happening? Let me witness what's happening with Rob. It's kind of the way that I view it, right? Let me witness what's happening with Rob right now. What's happening? Okay, what's happening is. It looks like he is getting stressed out. Why is he getting stressed out? Well, what is he thinking? Well, the only thing I can think about is there must be some sort of connection to that comment that he read in YouTube. This is what I'm doing in my head. I'm literally taking a step back and looking at myself and going, why is he so full of stress right now? Anxiety. Why does he feel so anxious? And I was like, damn, that must be something from my Childhood, you know, and what I did was I did my breathing techniques. 60 breaths into the nose, out through the mouth. I put on a really calming song. And I started, you know, just allowing myself to just feel the way I was feeling for a moment. And then after I calmed down, I was like, what is that? Where, where did it come from? Why was it there? What have I still. What are unresolved issues from my childhood just popped up right there. And so I started thinking through, I started figuring out what was going on. And I noticed that it was a trigger that I had from when I felt like I was bullied as a kid. And I felt like I was bullied and being bullied now as a 37 year old on YouTube. And I was like, that's interesting. I thought I was past this. You know what? I guess I'm not. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Because normally it'd be like, I thought I was passive. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why is this triggering me? It's just some dumb ass on YouTube. You know, we can think that way or I can just go, you know what? It's still nine year old Rob. That's just. We're still working past these things. It's okay, I got you. We're safe. There's nothing wrong. Took some deep breaths and I just kind of let it go. And I noticed that as I let it go and I didn't hold onto it, I was able to work through it. And I noticed that I was triggered. I took a step back, I did some breathing, I figured out why I was triggered, and now I can start to work through those processes. That was my biggest gift so far this week from the universe to show me, Rob, you still got work to do. And guess what? I don't ever expect to be perfect and not have work to do. It's just now I've got some tools in my tool belt. Over the years of working on myself to notice these things, become aware quicker, and then actually, you know, some tools in my tool belts to breathe through it, to work through it, and to think through it so I can get myself back on track. And so I've told this story probably five times this week to different people, to different groups of people, because I think it's important for people to hear that is the way that I viewed what was going on in my life universe. Thank you so much for triggering me from this fricking person on YouTube.

That is a gift.

I can still think he's an asshole, but I think it's a gift as well. So I can still be like, ah, screw that guy. But thank you for coming through, Universe, God, whatever it is that's out there that's here to help me improve and to look at that and go, ah, it's okay. We're still working on it. We're still working on this Rob Dial guy. And so when you start to see this, you start to see that all of life is a lesson. And that's the way that I really like to view. I have found that it is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to evolve into the highest version of yourself. Love, loss, sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, rage, joy. Every single thing that happens to us is an opportunity for us to learn and to grow. And anytime we miss those lessons, we miss our opportunity to grow. The highest version of you is not found in a book. You can learn, and that's great, but the highest version of you is not found in those books. The highest version of you is found on the other side of a breakdown. Notice the feeling. Breathe into the feeling. Notice what's going on. Do not resist it. Don't shame yourself. Don't guilt yourself. Don't be pissed off that you're not quote, unquote, there yet, wherever the fuck there is. Don't resist it and ask yourself, what am I feeling? Oh, man, I'm feeling really a lot of stress. I'm feeling a lot of anxiousness. I'm feeling a lot of sadness. Whatever it is you're feeling, okay, that's what I'm feeling. Why am I feeling this way? You start to work through it, and what you realize is you start to get a little bit better, and you get a little bit better, and you get a little bit better and you

realize that all of this is a gift.

All of those things, the good in life, the bad in life, the neutral things in life, all of them are a gift. Don't resist them. Allow them to come through. Work through them. Your resistance doesn't help you. Working through it helps you. And working through it allows you to be able to be able to show up as a better person for the people that you love, for the people that are around you. You know, I viewed it as I was going through this whole thing on Monday. I viewed it as, this is gonna be a really good lesson one day. Like, this is gonna be a really good podcast that I could create one day. And that was just me explaining it real quick. But as I start to learn more about what happened to me and start to think about more happened to me. I can turn this into a podcast episode. Holy shit. Thank you universe for allowing me to be triggered by this guy so that I can eventually learn and grow from it. Get in my tool belt and be able to teach this in a podcast episode and hope hopefully help hundreds of thousands of people. That's the way that we have to view our life. Whether you have a podcast going on to hundreds of thousands of people or not, or you just surround yourself with people who are important to you, you growing and learning with every one of the things that trigger you in your life is one of the most important things that you could do. Your life as a classroom, are you pulling the lessons out of it that you need? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode and it impacted you, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in that mofo. Rob Dial Jr. Rob D I A L J R and I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission. Make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

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