Security specialist Robert Siciliano breaks down how online dating predators use deception and manipulation to target victims. Predators lie about age, weight, and personal details to gain trust, then escalate to requests for money, tracking, and worse. Protect yourself by limiting what you share, having friends check in on dates, and recognizing red flags early.
Chapters
Today, there are more ways than ever to find a mate.
What am I doing? I'm trying to go on as many dates as possible because I need to find a boyfriend.
But the search for love can turn tragic.
Of 34 women that we knew he had contact with, we have 13 positives. We are looking at a very potent spreader.
I didn't know I was HIV positive. HIV positive.
The dating scene in America today is as dismal as I think it's ever been. Ever been.
He made a flyer. It said, "I'm a slut.
I'm a whore." Not only dismal, but dangerous. Dangerous.
There were drawings that he had where it showed a hand thrusting a knife into the abdomen of a female. I don't think she knew how messed up he really was.
Looks can be deceiving.
He was the kind of person you would want to bring home to your parents.
Actions are not.
He followed her in his truck to her work. He knew where she got her nails done, where she went to yoga.
Are they on the way? They're on their way.
They're beating—
he's taking the door down.
He's beating the door down.
In the next 2 hours, THS Investigates the dark side of modern romance.
Once he abducted her, he drove directly here. He had her kneel down in front of him while he shot her with a shotgun from 3 to 6 feet away.
This is THS Investigates Dating Nightmares.
If you let the wrong person into your life, they can destroy it.
Ah!
When it comes to weeding through potential mates, nothing compares to the internet.
Right now, Right now, there are as many as 40 million men and women dating over the internet via these online dating sites.
The desire for confidence pushes some people to bend the truth, especially online.
People lie about everything. For example, women frequently lie about their weight and their age.
Men will add 1 inch to their height. So if someone is 5'6" and realizes that being 5'6" is going to handicap him in getting a date, He says he's 5'8" and hopes it doesn't make a difference.
These justifications can lead to compromising situations.
We sometimes will drop our guard, and even though we know something might not be right, uh, we tend to blur those lines when emotions get in the way.
If you let the wrong person into your life, they can destroy it.
If you're out in that single scene, then you realize that at any given time, you could bump into a bad guy, or a bad girl for that matter.
From scam artists to stalkers, the dangers of modern dating can't be ignored.
10, 15 years ago, criminals would have to be out in public finding their next victim, whereas now they can use the internet and they can lure in their victims over time.
You have no way of knowing who you're talking to. You have no way of knowing male, female, age, race, or any of those sort of things because you can claim to be anybody.
Online predators all have in common the fact that they see the internet as a place that they can be anonymous and they can still find their next victim. Online, a predator builds trust with the victim. Once the predator gains the child's trust, that child's gonna give up her name, her address, her phone number.
It was probably like 2 or 3 months later after she got— after Casey got really comfortable with Dave, you know, I guess they got tired of just talking on the internet, so one day she, you know, the phone number was given and he called her.
Criminals are looking for victims who are naive. They're looking for people who are unsuspecting, who ultimately think that it can't happen to them. People who have their guard down, who aren't paying attention to their sixth sense, that feeling that would empower them, that would allow them to recognize the fact that they may have a bad guy in their presence.
Dave also tried to worm his way into the lives of Casey's friends.
Everybody talked to him on the phone every once in a while, all her friends did.
They'll infiltrate all other aspects of your life. They'll go after your friends, they'll go after your family, they'll try to sell everyone. Predators will use use every means they can to leverage their ability to become a part of your trusted circle. All of us have an innate desire to be loved, to be needed, and to be wanted. And because of that, we sometimes will drop our guard.
Dave concocted a story so the girls would sympathize with him.
He told us about his aunt that was dying, and she'd been in a car crash and she was in a coma. And Casey, she'd be like, Dave is having such a hard time, and he She needs so much help right now.
He told her he had a relative in either Indiana or Illinois that he was preparing to go visit and maybe made reference in some of the conversations that perhaps I will see you in my trip to see this alleged sick aunt.
When me and Casey thought about it, you know, when he first told us, you know, it doesn't bug us. People travel to see their dying aunt. It happens.
A 12-year-old girl is just not going to recognize that the person on the other end of the line is simply lying to them. All she's paying attention to is what he says and how she says it and how it makes her feel.
Abusers are feeding on the power and control over another person.
And sometimes helping someone who is somewhat dysfunctional clouds our ability to recognize that this is a destructive situation. And sometimes we can get into these relationships that ultimately are so destructive that it can lead to a fatality. A fatality. What scammers are really good at is convincing you that they're a good guy.
Finding a love that's true is hard enough under normal circumstances. When deception plays a part, dating can become dicey. No matter how much dating has changed over the years, trust is still the foundation for any successful romance.
In the process of building a relationship with someone, if they start to ask you for money or they start to ask you to to get into some type of a financial relationship with them, that should be an immediate red flag that they're trying to scam you. Most people think that law enforcement is out there to protect you, but nobody is gonna watch your back better than you will. We live in a society that goes the complete opposite direction when it comes to taking responsibility. Instead of realizing it can happen to us, we'd say it can't happen to us.
There are now more options than ever for finding a match made in heaven. At the same time, it's easier to slip into a bad situation and end up in hell.
I recommend never giving out too much personal information, that you never give out your full name, your full address, your phone number, and you keep up this barrier until you feel very comfortable around them.
Have one of your girlfriends or a guy friend call you at a specific time. To bail you out if your date isn't going well.
I don't think you should be scared of dating, but I think you should be aware, you should be vigilant.
You have to be strong enough and confident enough to, when you see the first signs of aggressive behavior or abuse of any kind, you need to turn around and walk away.
Acknowledge whenever things don't feel right or things don't seem right, 'cause these are red flags that are telling you, "Hey, be aware. Get yourself out of this dangerous situation."
