Special Thanksgiving Episode: Reflections On His (True) Turnaround Story, With Roland Frasier

You're listening to Business Lunch with Roland Fraser. This is your seat at the table. Thank you for tuning in and happy Thanksgiving from all of us at the Business Lunch with Roland Fraser show. This is the producer, Darren Clark and for Thanksgiving week in a very tough year, we're sharing a previously aired episode in the spirit of gratitude, goodwill and grace. If you are a regular listener, you've been blown away by Roland's success, success strategies and stories. He's nothing short of impressive, but in today's episode, Roland levels with you and tells his personal story. He shares his reflections, revelations and how his path led him to a better version of himself and an exponentially better life. Once again, happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and stay safe out there.

Keep it real. Challenge how to be real in an Instagram perfect filtered flexing world. This is something that is near and dear to my heart. Have you ever flexed on social or humble, bragged or shown a pic that wasn't filtered? Or the most flattering version of yourself? We all have our personal image. We want to keep up. It's who we would want to be when we're seen in the best possible light. But studies show that social media causes many people depression, loneliness, anxiety, low self esteem, even suicidality. That's the intention to commit suicide. And it's just not good. It's just not good to always be comparing yourself up or down the envy, jealousy, wealth, success, attractiveness, judgment chain. It's not positive for us, it's not helping us out. So in the interest of complete transparency, let me share with you some very real and unfiltered thoughts inspired by two people that I deeply respect who I recently had a chance to hear share their stories with a small group of very successful entrepreneurs. Shakir Hussain just shared this in an amazing conversation about his takeaways from my leverage exit gross scale intensive that I did in London. And Shakir is a brilliant marketer and businessman, also one of those rare people who's not afraid to be open and vulnerable and because of that he's able to learn and grow and always be open to improving himself. During the two day intensive that I put on, he shared openly how he had achieved a great deal of surface level success but over ultimately lost his motivation to keep doing what he was doing. And by sharing with the group and being open to finding new ways to think and do business, he found the spark that he'd lost and he left reinvigorated and ready to re engage and move to the next level and chapter of his entrepreneurial journey. He also gave me one of the coolest gifts I've received in a while, by the way, the world's most perfect razor. But that's another story. So, Shakir, thank you for doing that. Also sharing and explaining his journey and challenges along the way was my friend Mike Peters, who built a $300 million business from scratch through all sorts of ups and down that he shared with our group. His wife left him. At one point, he almost lost everything, but he also persevered, and he was open to doing whatever it took to get control of what could have been a life spiraling out of control. He did it, and now he's helping others while simultaneously building a hugely successful business. So Shakir and Mike have success through struggles, ups, downs, heartbreak, and multiple near failures. And I've experienced this in my own life, too. I got the wind knocked out of me several years ago when I ran into some huge challenges. My wife left me, the US government came after me, the IRS called me and said I owed him $2 million in back taxes that had to be paid immediately. And most of my friends and family actually turned their back on me. I called my business one day, for example, during this time, and the receptionist answered the phone without my name and the business name, and my name was part of the business name. My partners had decided to take my name off the business, and they hadn't even talked to me about it. So if you only heard that part of the story, you might think that those were bad people or bad partners or bad spouses, or that I was treated unfairly. But as usual, the story is always deeper than it appears. At first blush, I had made mistakes, and I really wasn't the best version of myself at the time. I was focused on my goals, my problems, and not really even aware of the fact that everyone else is having their own version of whatever experience you're having. Listen to that again, because it's one of the biggest breakthroughs I've ever had, and I think that it'll help you have compassion for others even as you face the biggest challenges of your life. Remember that everyone is experiencing. Everyone is having their version of whatever experience you're having. And the things that are in their lives that are going wrong are different from what's going wrong in yours. The challenges are different. They have something that you're probably not aware of emotionally or that is being impacted by what you're going through anyway. I didn't see that. So looking back at that time in my life, I see that while I truly believed I Was an evolved and thoughtful person who had my act together. I wasn't. Not even close. I was selfish. Yeah, I helped other people and I did kind things. I gave money and I gave my time. But I wasn't fully aware of the big picture. I wasn't able to consider fully the sacrifices that I should make in the things that I wanted in favor of helping other people in my life get what they wanted, too. I couldn't understand why they couldn't help me when I needed the most. I didn't see that my actions were causing them pain and doubt and fear and anger that put them in a place where they just weren't able to find the strength to be strong for me because they needed all their strength for themselves. I didn't have the servant's heart. Not yet. At this point, pretty much everyone I knew thought I was out of the game. Right? They were betting on me failing. And you know what? I almost was. I thought about ending my life and that the challenges I was facing were too much for me to bear. I had a handgun at the time, and I remember looking at it and thinking what a relief it would be to put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. I put it close to my lips and I really thought long and hard about that. But somehow it just didn't seem like that should be the answer to my problems. And I'm still not sure what stopped me, but I'm sure glad I didn't choose that way out of the intense pain I was feeling. After that, I spent about 3 years traveling non stop. I thought I was searching for answers, but the truth is I was running from them. I was using travel and adventure to distract myself from having the hard conversations that I needed to have with myself. And finally, in a revelatory moment, sitting in a small chapel in Denmark, feeling sorry for myself and sobbing pitifully as I tried to understand why all this was happening to me, I had a moment of clarity. One, I would never understand any of this until I could look at my role in it all. Two, only what I and I alone had done and not done brought all of these troubles down on my head. And three, the only way out was through. The only way out was through. I had to be the one who got myself to the other side. The only way out was through. And almost instantly, the huge, heavy weight, the anger, the resentment towards all those that had abandoned and quote unquote, wronged me in the darkest hours of my life were washed away. And there was a lightness that I hadn't felt in years. My tears dried. I looked up at the stained glass dome above me in this little alcove and I saw clearly.

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I was the only one who could get me through the challenges I was facing. 5. I had to own my actions, both past and present, that would give me the power to create change. 6. My future was as bright as I decided it would be. I could quit now and fade away, or lean into adversity and beat it, bend it to my will and persevere through it. 7. No one wronged me. They all had their own experiences of what were happening. They were driven by their own needs, their own wants, their own limitations, fears and interpretations of all events that were unfolding around them, and they were dealing with this as best they could. It wasn't personal to me, no matter how personal it seemed. Remember that it's not generally personal to you unless they tell you that, right? Don't assume that it's not personal to me, no matter how personal it seems it was about them and their experience. 8. I needed to have a servant's heart and offer help to others with no expectation of anything in return to stop being transactional in all my relationships. 9. In all my business dealings, I needed to put my customer, client, partner, vendor first, serve their interests and then mine would also be served. 10. Most importantly, put my ego aside and stop pursuing money for money's sake, success for success sake, and abandon my pride at beating the system and negotiating the best deal and winning for winning's sake. I knew from that point on I needed to be vulnerable, be tolerant, be compassionate, be empathetic and be responsible. That moment is the moment that I mark as the creation of who I am today. Version 2.0 of me a better human. Still flawed but pursuing improvement. Still making mistakes but seeking the correct path. Still failing but failing forward. Still foolish, but always seeking wisdom as the new me, I faced the incredible, challenging resolution of all the problems that I had created. My marriage ended, but I found the love of my life a few years later and we've now been married for almost 10 years. The children I never had came to me with my new wife included in that package, and I got to experience the joy, personal development and all the challenges of parenting. My old business ended and I was able to move on to own many different businesses in many different industries and I'm more professionally fulfilled than I really ever dreamed I could be in my old life. The old acquaintances faded away and as I approached life with a servant's heart, many new friends appeared and old friends forgave my transgressions and returned. The wealth that I lost as I went through those dark times returned hundreds of times over. If you ever see me on social and think beautiful hotel rooms, exotic travel, celebrity encounters, business success or anything else makes me anything but just another human doing the best I can. Please stop and know that you and I and all of us are equal in our potential at any given time. We are all facing huge challenges that may seem insurmountable. We all doubt ourselves or feel like imposters one step away from being found out. We're all scared. We all wish we were more attractive. We all wish we were more successful. Though we might define it in different ways, but the people that you see and want to be, their lives may be way, way less fulfilling or less happy than yours. You cannot know them unless you are them. Never ever think that they're better than you, never wish to be them or wish that you had their lives. You're exactly where you should be right now. And that's okay. The challenges or dissatisfaction that you're now experiencing are shaping the next, even better version of you in your life. And if you want more, well, that's okay too. You can have it. You can be it. All you need is the mindset of possibility and the determination to persevere and go get it. I love my life, but it is often really, really hard. I'm okay with that because it also gives me great joy and fulfillment. Just don't think that everything comes easy to me or to anyone else that you see on social media or podcasts or TV or anywhere else looking like their life is perfect. I promise you it is not. So take the flexing and filtered and photoshopped and 30 different angles to find the best possible shot, and the Lambos and jets and exotic travels and everything else out of your mind. Stop comparing. Start doing.

You've been listening to Business Lunch with Roland Fraser. If you're enjoying the show, let us know by subscribing and leaving a review. And for more information go to businesslunchpodcast.com thank you for listening.

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