226: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Hey movers, it's Sally Koering Zimney with Be Moved. Let's go create some talks that will move this world. We're going to talk with amazing speakers, share tips, tricks, resources, and we are going to be moved so that our audience can be moved.

This moved me.

What is moving How do I sound now?

Great.

Should we just go?

Yeah, let's go. Let's do this. We earned it. We've worked really hard to get to this point. 40+ minutes of tech issues, but here we are. Okay, so, so Tiff, there's a bunch that I want to get at in this short time. But I wanna start with a "this moved me" moment, something that has moved you recently, because I think it's so important for us as leaders to be grounded in that as fuel, creative fuel for ourselves, but of course for our audiences. So what is something that has moved you recently?

My son found out this week that he got into an entrepreneur program at St. John's. And what I have been observing about it is that, uh, especially in a time like this, when you keep your eye on the prize and you keep your eye on the dream, uh, you still can achieve during really hard times. And so I was just super inspired by his determination to not let the world bring him down and to keep hope alive. And he made it, and it's just been really fun to watch.

It's awesome. It's such a cool program. And it's like, it's an incubator for future leaders. It's super cool. So that is awesome. So my, this moved me moment was my, my mother-in-law has started this interfaith course essentially, and she calls it spiritual resilience. And it's essentially, it's like how to, really stay grounded in our spirituality, especially in difficult times. And, um, it's beautiful. She's doing some really cool things. But one of the things that this course pointed me to and that she recommended was this beautiful TEDx talk by Louis, uh, Schwartzberg.

Have you seen it?

Oh yeah. Oh, a million times. Yes.

Yeah, I watched it this morning and I was like, oh God, it's so beautiful. This day, I know, make it a good day. And all the little things in life that are just so beautiful. So of course I made the kids sit down for our like morning grounding time.

You got to put more of that because you can come back to that many a times.

Oh my gosh. So one of the things cool that you can do here on Crowdcast is screen share for a second. So I just want to show a little bit of it. So we can look at it. Um, it's just so good. Okay, I want to get to the part where he is showing the beautiful flowers here, right here. This is not the, the part where the amazing older man talks about life, but this right here.

It would take me a month to shoot a 4-minute roll of film. That's all I could afford. I've been shooting time-lapse flowers continuously, non-stop, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for over 30 years. I know, it's a dance. I'll never get tired. These gorgeous beauty immerses us with color, being taste.

The strawberry, look at that!

The food we eat.

Oh my gosh. Okay. So I'm just super— think how cool that is because it's all around us and it's happening all the time. We just don't always see it that way. Love it.

Yes. I love it.

I'll put the link to that beautiful— and it's short. It's a 10-minute TEDx talk and it's beautiful. Of course you knew about it. All this time, I was like, the tech, all the tech issues we had, I was like, maybe the universe is just saying not today, but this is bringing us back. The universe, we're back, we are so back. Okay, so Tiff, you are a life coach and you help especially women share their gifts and their talents with the world and, and get reconnected to their purpose. Am I expressing what you do accurately? Is there another way you would—

well, the only thing I would add to that is what I care about most is anybody's ability to show up fully as themselves without any sort of, can I be this, can I be that, can I do— without any shame or any reservation. I truly believe the world would be a different place if we could all stand into who we are with all our gifts, our talents, our passion. That would change everything. And so I work to help people get there.

Nice. Yes. And, uh, I've worked with you and you've worked with me, and we get to live really close by each other and found each other through coaching, which is just one of my all-time favorite stories. And you are now a very special close friend of mine, and I love you. And as we've walked together on this journey, there are two things I want to talk about today. One, what you are doing and talking about feels especially important right now. Will you just talk about some of the ways that you're showing up for your audience and what you feel especially called to be doing right now, given everything that's going on?

I think right now there is so much fear everywhere around us. You know, you can find it, you can flip on the TV and you can just, you can just cover yourself in a blanket of fear. And what fear does to us is it really takes us off our game and it really lowers our ability to problem-solve and to be in good relationship and good connection with others and to really be at our best. So it's noticing the fear. So for me, when I go— like on Sunday, I decided to go read about all the conspiracy theories, and I thought I was enjoying it and having fun with it, but it totally brought my mood down. And later I was like snapping at family and I was crabby. And so it wasn't neutral. It actually did put me in a lower, more fearful state, even though I didn't realize it. So just noticing like the impact that this stuff has on you and then how you're taking it out on the people around you. So your mood and wherever you are, wherever you are, when you're in the lower— when you're in stress, worry, anxiety, you're, you're more inclined to snap at family members or be hard to be around or be in judgment of everything. You know, people are in hardcore judgment right now. So it's just noticing. So I'm trying to help people notice because the second you pause and become aware, you can choose something different.

Right. Okay, so one of the ways that you're doing that is you're going live every day on Instagram and Facebook. And I, and I want to talk about that just a little bit because Now, as speakers and people who want to lead using our voice and sharing our stories, we're having to do that in some different, more creative ways. So tell me about how you got there and how it's going.

Well, I have another coach that basically says you have to be seen every day, which is hard to chew on and hard to like, really? Aren't they sick of seeing me? Aren't they sick of hearing from me? Yeah. And what she said to me is that you people You want to put them in a place where they get used to hanging out with you. So as a speaker, as an influencer, as a leader, you want people to curl up next to you virtually and, you know, what are you saying today? You know, so to feel like they're a part of it. So for me, I had to get over the hump of really, they want to hear what I have to say again today. And some days are better than others. Some days, like, I feel like things are flowing through me and I love what's being said. Other days, like yesterday, I'm like, oh my God, I should just delete it. It's hard, but I'm just, I'm just going all in. Like, I just don't— I'm just going in.

Yeah, I think that's amazing, and you've really inspired me. I've been so busy working on stuff that I haven't been as externally facing as I want to be, and I've been doing a lot of things, but that sense of like cozying up with each other. I think that's a really lovely way of looking at this because it is about connection and closeness, and virtually that's how we're doing it now. And there's so many easy ways, like you're not, you're not focused on the production of this, you're just focused on consistency and showing up and like a simple idea. And you're talking for sometimes, you know, 6 to 10 minutes, right? Like short and sweet. So I'm gonna be vocal about this. By the time this comes out, I'll already have done it, but I have committed to starting next week doing, inspired by you, going live every day on Instagram and Facebook just for a 5-minute, here's what's happening today, here's what I'm thinking about that might be of value to you. So, yep.

And I'm finding that I want to see what other people are saying. So when my friends are— and people are going live, like, I'm— I, I feel like people are having more of a voice right now than they were before, and I want to support that. I want to hear what people are saying and thinking and doing. Yeah, so that applies to all of us.

Okay. That is awesome. Thank you. And I hope everybody goes and follows Tiffany. She's @there_she_grows on Instagram, and you can find her there on Facebook as well, because I have, I have found great insight in even those little videos to help shift my perspective a little bit and how I'm showing up. And, and a little in business, I'm inspired by what you're doing in, in the business, but just in how I'm showing up every day in my life with my kids, with my husband, because it is such a roller coaster ride and every day feels a little bit like the ground has shifted. So I just want you to know it's been awesome and super helpful.

Thank you.

Okay, so a big part of what I'm talking about right now and what I'm moving towards is helping people develop and deliver their signature talk, i.e., the kind of talk that you and I worked on a few years ago. It was like, okay, this is my big moment at this conference, and I want this to represent my brand, what I believe, like the best advice that I have for people. You know, it's like that talk that you dream about The TED Talk, right? So what's been fascinating in our relationship and conversations about this as we support each other is obviously I think you're a speaker. Like, I think of you as a speaker, even not a professional speaker, but you know that speaking is a powerful tool for your business and your brand and your ideas, um, which I think is most of the people listening. It's like speaking is an important part of my business and my movement and my message. But you tell me about how you feel about the word speaker and some of the baggage that comes with that.

There is baggage with that because that word scares the crap out of me and I've told you that before. Like, I just feel like there's so much pressure. Like, I've been facilitating for 6 or 7 years Facilitation and I are wonderful friends. I have no judgment towards being a facilitator. In fact, I would stand up and do it right now if you asked me to. But if you stand— ask me to stand up and do a speech and be a speaker right now, I would suddenly have like a tight feeling in my chest, and I would start to make up all these stories in my mind about what that means. So for me, it's just a— it's that public speaking. People would rather die than public speak. And even though I'm speaking all the time, I'm doing videos all the time, I am facilitating all the time, there's something about that little transition that has really been a mindset shift for me. And I told you a couple weeks ago that I finally felt— I had a moment, an hour lunch moment with about 30 people where I actually felt the first time I was like I think that was just, I was being a speaker. Holy crap, I did it.

I know, and I was like, yes, 'cause I forever, I've been like, you are, you're a speaker. You are speaking, you are leading from up front. I mean, whether or not you break up your speaking with some facilitation in between, I'm like, I don't find a huge distinction. I mean, there's a distinction in, the strategies and the approach, but I think it's a very fine line between facilitator and speaker. And some people would argue with me on that. I would just say I think it's half just how we think about it. So if you were to life coach yourself, you know, got a little self-coaching, what do you think shifted for you in the way you were thinking between before that when you were like, I think maybe I am a speaker? What shifted?

Um, tons and tons of practice and getting really comfortable in my own stories. Once I feel like you can own your own stories and share them authentically and vulnerably, and the audience is like— like one of the people in the audience had to leave early or something. She's like, I almost missed my meeting because I was so captivated, I couldn't I didn't want to leave. I was just so caught up in the moment. And it's because I was so into my stories and I was so present to the story. And that was the shift. It's like having the confidence to own your story and own what happened to you. It's like then everything just— it's like skies opened. Because when I did my first speech, yes, I was storytelling, but I was so nervous that I didn't truly get to like— yeah, so now I feel like— but it takes practice. You— it's over and over and over, and that's why I'm on video every day. Like, it's just practice.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's important to underline what you're talking about is a sense of self-trust and believing ourselves to be worthy and and worthwhile of this pedestal, right? So that we are not thinking anymore about the technical things of what we're doing. Like we've practiced enough that we're like, okay, I've got that. So that you can be fully present. And it absolutely, it feels so good, doesn't it?

Oh, it was amazing. I've never felt better.

Yeah. It makes it so fun. And like what you, I wanna do that again. Because you know that you have been, you've lived in that moment in a different way that it's, it's about pure connection between your human experience and the audience's human experience, and it's so beautiful.

And that only happens in vulnerability, in vulnerability and authentic sharing.

Yeah, amen, sister. It's so true. And letting go of some of the things that we worry about that are very natural to worry about that keep people from stepping out front. If we can really let go, then there's this beautiful freedom that comes because you're not gonna do it perfectly. I'm sure you didn't do it perfectly, and it sort of becomes beside the point, right?

Right.

There's something else happening. It's at a different level.

And even, even before I started, I started to feel some of those nerves and some of that anxiety right before before, and I've just gotten into the practice of like, like, we're not going there. Like, I'm not— that's not going to serve me to get myself all in, worked up, you know, before I start. So I just— the thoughts would come in, what if they don't like me, what if I mess up, what if I don't, you know, whatever, all the thoughts. I just— it's like, nope, not going there. That does not help me. That makes me feel bad. I'm not doing it.

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm not going there.

So When people come to me and say, I want to be a speaker, but I just, you know, like all the fears that come up in the process of stepping into that space, right? Like, who am I to be doing this? And what if I look stupid? And what will they think of me? And what if it's not good enough? What if I'm not good enough? Like all that stuff, the process of speaking brings it all up. It is a mindset management practice as well.

Yeah, 100%.

Your work as a life coach is really important to anybody who wants to step into speaking. We have to manage our minds. Yeah, because it makes all the difference in the world. I mean, you're talking about also practicing and putting in the time, but we do that so that we can Majority of the population though has no awareness to the damaging thoughts.

So once you can notice the thoughts, you can actually make a choice about it. But if otherwise those thoughts just take you over, and that's why people get sick and fearful and scared. Yeah, but if you can just pause long enough to notice the thought, you have a choice about the thought.

Okay, so this is really good. Okay, let's take just a few minutes here and get, and get really tactical. How, what do people need to do in that moment where they're like, oof, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear? Like, how do they get to a place where you are ready to walk out and be vulnerable or press go and be vulnerable, record and be vulnerable?

I mean, I think that breathing and just being present in the moment is an absolute must. And most of the time when you're speaking, I feel like you have to be, you have to be on, right? You have to be clear, you have to be healthy, you have to be ready. So I do some stuff grounding my feet down to the earth. I take some deep breaths. I invite in, you know, whoever's going to help me be at my best in that moment. So I'm just open and present to what it means to be at my best. And when I don't do it, I notice it. Like yesterday's Facebook Live, I wasn't feeling it. And it's— I didn't do any— I just jumped right on. I didn't do any sort of my ritual before I started. So I think the breathing ritual, the grounding, if it's even just a couple of minutes, uh, matters in getting yourself present.

Absolutely. And I think everybody develops those rituals, uh, for themselves. And really, like, what do you need? Like, I need a good workout before— on the day of I'm doing something big, I've got to do something with all that adrenaline, and it, it just helps me focus because our brains have to be really sharp to do something like what it is that we do every day because there's a lot happening at the same time. You're taking in feedback, you're developing your own content in like spur of the moment, and we all are to some degree, and you're— there's all this stuff happening in your body at the same time that you're managing, so it's It's a lot, and we do have to be healthy physically and mentally and emotionally. So there's a lot of ritual and prep and thoughtfulness and mindfulness that can— that are essential. It's not just be technically great and you're fine.

I think you have to have the ability to set aside if something's bothering you, if something's happening that has nothing to do with your speech there's an ability to say, I will come back to you later, but for right now, I'm not actually working on that problem. That's going to be there for me later. You have to be able to compartmentalize so that you can not have that noise going while you're trying to deliver.

That's really hard to do. I'm a really good compartmentalizer. Pros and cons. Pros and cons. I can totally be like, Tink, and moving on. And of course my husband is not a great compartmentalizer, 'cause I think that's kinda how it works. Are you a good compartmentalizer?

I can move, I can have stuff be off the radar, yeah.

Shift the mind, yeah.

Yep.

All right, this was super helpful, Tiffany, and of course so great to see you. I wish I could see you in person.

I know, right? Hugging from here.

I've got a jet, but we will do this again because I want to keep bringing your mindset practices into our world as speakers because I think it's really important.

Sounds great. Thanks for having me.

Yeah. Okay. Tell people where they can find you.

So Facebook, it could be with Tiffany Maddock or There She Grows and There She Grows on Instagram. I think it's @there_she_grows with underscores. There underscore she underscore grows.

So yeah, awesome.

Thank you.

Michelle, yep, we'll talk soon. See ya, bye.