In this 10‑minute excerpt, speaker Sally (Sal) shares a vivid high‑school memory of sitting in a car with friends, feeling socially awkward and yearning for acceptance. A friend’s comment about a "spark plug" becomes a metaphor for an inner spark—an awareness of one’s unique contribution and the courage to embrace differences. Sally recounts how, over time, she discovered her own spark through theater and classroom presence, leading to growing confidence. She then expands the anecdote into a broader lesson: authenticity in high‑stakes moments requires self‑trust, which allows leaders to act despite imposter syndrome, fear, and shame. She introduces the "Four Horsemen of the Avoidance" framework that categorizes common avoidance patterns, and urges a narrative shift from fear‑based stories to excitement‑based stories. The talk emphasizes that embracing one’s spark not only benefits the individual but also improves the world, positioning authentic leadership as a catalyst for positive impact.
Chapters
I was an awkward adolescent. Let's just zoom in on the shorts, just shorts moment there. It's true. Now, a few years after the shorts incident, but still well within the range of my awkward phase, I remember sitting in the backseat of Brian's car, Oh, that sounds really bad. That is not what I meant, that's not what I meant. You know what, let me fix that, let me fix that. Instead of that, there were 4 friends, there were 4 of us, 5 of us total in Brian's car, and it was one of those just beautiful fall nights. Spring, or junior year, junior year of high school. And we were there and just having incredible conversations and deepening our friendships, and I just thought, This is exactly what I hoped my teenage life would be like. And as conversations tend to do as a teenager, they shifted towards, like, who we had a crush on. Now Megan, Amy, and I were in the back seat, and Brian and Matt were in the front seat. And Megan, Amy, and I were lamenting the fact that all of the boys seemed to love Amanda, and currently no one was loving us. Why Amanda? We asked. Okay, sure, she's gorgeous, and sure, she's like super smart. Great for Amanda. And sure, okay, she's also really nice. Okay, but what about us? I said. I'm like, I'm smart and, uh, kind of cute, like And guess what? I can even be funny in the right context. Matt and Brian, "Why not us? What about us?" In this teenagery kind of "woe is me" wail, we said, "How come nobody likes us?" And I think Matt and Brian were pretty much panicking at this point, not sure what to say or do. And Matt kind of turns to us and says, "I don't know, she's just got this spark." And I said, "We've got sparks?" Without even really knowing what that is. And he says, "Yeah, but Sal," and this is the line that I will never forget, he said, "Sal, but it's kind of like your spark plug's just a little bit broken." I know, right? I'm like, "That doesn't sound good. How does one fix their spark plug? What even is a spark plug?" But don't worry. Fast forward a few months, and things kind of started to click with me. I got cast in the fall play. I'm feeling great about that. I started to realize, like, this is maybe a gift that I have, and I really enjoy making people laugh, and oh my gosh, When I speak up in class, people listen. I have influence. That was new to me, and I started to just feel a little different. Things started to click. Now, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, of course, because it was teenagehood, and— but lo and behold, I'm standing in the hallway one day, and Matt comes up to me, kind of puts his arm around me. He's like, hey, Sally. Sally, just so you know, your spark plug's working. Yeah, spark plug's working. I still didn't really know what that meant, but it would be wrong to assume that Matt, at that point, easy to assume but wrong, that he's like, oh, now Sally's pretty, I think Sally's pretty now. It was not about that, it really wasn't. What it was about was this recognition for myself I started to see that me in particular had something to offer this world and that it was worth offering. That maybe there was something special for me to do in this world that might impact other people. And as my confidence grew, so did the brightness of this spark, which is kind of a no duh thing, right? When we think about what a spark is or what I'm talking about here with sparks, Like, you know it when you see it, right? You're like, oh, that person is kind of sparky, right? If, if we were to try and define it a little bit, I would say people who have that little spark, they know who they are, right? They have this inner sense of I have something to offer this world, right? And inner knowing. I think people with those sparks, they also embrace the thing that makes them a little bit different. And they not just love that difference in themselves, they tend to be people who also really love and embrace the differences in other people. And I think this is so powerful and important. People with that kind of spark, they take those risks even when they have that inner self-doubt, those questions— can I, should I, who am I to be doing this— they still have them. And my goal here today is to help show you a way to allow yourself to be more seen in those moments at the very moment that you want to cover up. Because we need to see the real you. When you are in a big moment, you are grappling with big stuff. Okay, you can kind of hear it in the subtext of some of the reasons people connected with these characters. Like, we are grappling with imposter syndrome, right? Fear, shame, rejection— these are huge things. And I'm not a therapist, and we have about 40 minutes left, so we're not gonna get at everything here. But just know it's part of the reason why this is a life long challenge. And it's part of the reason why Brené calls it a practice. Self-trust is where we can be authentic in the big moments. It's what invites in all of our brave, even when it's not perfect, people might not like it, we don't know how people are gonna respond, we risk rejection, but we trust ourselves. Because our first job as leaders is to know ourselves. And the more you know yourself, the better able you are to lead other people and lead them well and lead them in a way where actually people will follow you. Right? When people can bring that authentic spark into what they do every day. You get to be imperfect and awesome in the way that your spark lives out. But the truth is, That is just where we start, is kind of clarity in who we are. But at some point we've gotta take the risk and step into a big moment. And what happens is we get sucked into this self-doubt spiral. And we have to figure it out because leaders who know their spark and lean into it and use it on a day-to-day basis, right? They are more daring and bold in their approach. We're gonna tackle it together. I call these the Four Horsemen of the Avoidance instead of the Apocalypse, 'cause we end up avoiding the very thing that we want to do, but that stop sign comes up. So one of these categories might resonate especially with you. Let's say you're about to hit a big moment and fear crops up. Sometimes it sounds like this. This is just scary. This is scary. It's too much for me. "Because it's scary, I'm not gonna do it." But we gotta flip that story from a self-doubt story into more like this: "This is exciting." "This is exciting." Even if you're lying to yourself, it is the same physiological experience. It's just a different story that you tell yourself. So what stories are you telling yourself on the way to this big moment? Because the quality of that story will determine whether or not you take on that challenge and how you take on that challenge. And if we wanna do it authentically, then we've gotta shift our slowdown stories, all of that self-doubt, all of the imposter syndrome, the rejection into speed-up stories so we can lean into and learn the art of self trust. And my most sincere wish is that you would experience that same thing because it is, it is such a freeing, liberating experience to really truly embrace your spark, that thing that only you can bring into this world. To manage all of that self-doubt, that spiral that happens to all of us, and not let it keep you from showing up anyway. Because the world, it needs your spark. It needs you to be authentic in the biggest of moments because it makes a big difference. And it's not just so that you can be a better person, but it's so the world can be better as well. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
