Permission To... Beat the Burnout! with Jessica Horton

just singing to you.

They say fortune favors the bold, so what are you waiting for? The right time? The right sign? The right guide?

The thing is, movement maker, you were never meant to to follow anyone else.

You were destined for something bolder and braver and truer, and you know it. It's time for you to write your own damn permission slip. You have permission to dream big. Not that you need it from us. Fortune favors the bold. So what are you waiting for? Yay! Hold please, hold please. Here we go.

Wait, I'm gonna do some—

this, I'm not gonna get up.

Ah, hello, hello, Jessica! Jessica!

I mean, that intro is just fire, ladies.

I hear goosebumps every time.

Yeah, that's good. That's a good—

I will say there is part of me that cringes a little bit when I'm like, write your own damn permission slip. We're just like, Angry Sally is coming out, like, come on, people, do it!

It's your pirate voice. It's inspiring. I feel it.

I'm like, I am going to. I'm like, I am doing it. Angry Sally, have at it.

Angry Sally, right? She doesn't come out very often, but when she does, look out.

I love it.

Middle-aged, middle-aged Sally's unleashing a little bit of, you know, menorrhage, as they call it.

I feel you, I feel you.

Oh, Jessica, welcome! We are so, so excited to have you here. Uh, yeah, and we are— your orange is amazing, by the way. I just—

I'm gonna take it off in 2 minutes though because I'm sweating like a dog. So we got it for like 2 minutes and then it's over.

Well, let me know when you take it off if you want some music with it. We can really turn it into a moment.

I might just take it off now. I'm just doing it.

Yeah, just do it.

Permission to disrobe a little.

Yeah, permission to disrobe.

I was so excited to get to meet you face to face virtually, even though we're already BFF on the socials. But why don't you introduce yourself to everybody?

Yeah. So I am Jessica Horton. I am a certified wellbeing and life coach practitioner. I always say I kind of fell into the world of coaching, much like I fell into my first career, which was events. So meeting and events. I did that for the better part of like 15, 20 years. I feel like I was in corporate meeting and events or adjacent to corporate meeting and events. Burnt out pretty quickly, I would say, and left thinking I wanted to be a stay-at-home mama. And pretty quickly into my stay-at-home mom journey, about 3 months in, I was like, no, no, not doing that either. And so went back doing the same work I was doing at— I was working at Target doing the same work I was doing at Target, but doing it for myself. So did freelance meeting and events for corporations, nonprofits, traveled all over the world, um, and loved it. And I think I probably would still be doing that had the pandemic not happened.

Yeah.

Um, and kind of gave me this space and permission to try something else on and really get clear and quiet about what I wanted to do next. And coaching was that, that thing for me.

Oh, well, now I want to know, how did that happen for you? So obviously I come from the same background.

Yeah.

I, I always tell everybody our industry was hit harder than anyone other than probably restaurants. And our pivot was harder than everyone other than probably restaurants. So what was it within there though, that you, where did that clarity come from? Sure, you had the space, but what was the moment that that happened for you?

Yeah, for sure. I mean, you're totally right. The hospitality industry was rocked by COVID. I went from being booked out for the entire year to nothing, completely nothing, all in about a week and a half. And then a month later, my husband was laid off from his job. So unemployed for 9 months there. So it was, a crazy time, but it did again gave me that space and clarity. I say my coaching revelation came in my garden in the backyard, not even garden weeding, because that's literally all I did for COVID for like, you ask my husband, it was like 8 hours straight. I would just be outside like pulling weeds, listening to murder and crime podcasts. It was a weird moment in my life, but I had a girlfriend. I had lunch with a girlfriend or something, and she was like, you should be a coach. You should be a life coach. And I had thought about the idea before, but my definition of what a life coach was, was very different at the time. I was like, of course, I give advice to everyone. I'm so good at giving advice to my friends. Well, going through the process and going, getting my certification, found out it's very different. There's actually no advice giving in coaching, which is So I feel like it was just— again, I do feel like I fell into it, but I feel like I'm a woo. So I do feel like the universe really just had my back and things kind of just all aligned and fell into the spaces that they were supposed to fall into.

I love that.

I'm a woo. I'm a woo. I'm like borderline woo. And also sometimes I'm like, okay, that's a little too woo-woo for me. So I'm like, but I'm just like a woo.

I always say I'm like 50% tree hugger. I used to be more, you know, like we cooked all of our food from scratch and whatever, but then I still had that 10% that used, um, skincare products that were not all natural. You know, it's a—

it's a—

yeah, it's a balance. And I just— I think the same thing. I like to cook from home. I like to eat organic. Um, but I brought my kids through the Wendy's drive-through last night because we were just trying to get by. So it's like, oh, It helps.

Yeah. I think it is one of those, like, and here's the connection that I'm making. You're like, I'm a little bit woo.

I'm a little bit—

it's like, especially as entrepreneurs and female entrepreneurs in particular, as we're making our way through this journey, it's like there's a pathway, there's a should, there's a like, oh, the ideal. And then there's a, okay, here's reality. Right. And so that's actually a wonderful little entrée into what specifically you help your clients with as a life coach. Yeah. And the challenges— what are your people facing and how do you help them? Kind of what's your particular take on the life coaching segment?

Yeah, definitely. I think, well, first I'll start out with who I typically work with and support. I typically, I say typically, I work with me at Target 15 years ago, like that woman that is either a working mom, right? So she's either in a corporate job or I've had a lot of entrepreneur clients, but someone that is working and also trying to balance, and I will get back to that word in a second, but balance the home life situation, their personal life. They're kind of juggling all of these things and they are feeling some sort of burnout, exhaustion, overwhelm. A lot of times they're feeling like, I'm fine, which is how I was. I'm fine. I could do this role forever, but I feel like there's something more on the other side. So those are kind of the typical typically who I work with are just women that are trying to juggle it all. And, um, I think struggling with that and just trying to figure out what's next. Okay.

Um, one of the things that you and I have talked about from time to time is that like the, the kind of women who find you have been very service-oriented. Women, right? Teachers.

Yeah, totally.

Probably like you, you in Target 15 years ago.

Yeah.

In that like baby stage with your youngins, like you're just giving so much of yourself to that. So as you are pulling people in and they're like, yeah, I'm just, I'm at the end of my rope, I'm exhausted, I'm done. How do you— I think this is an important question for us as entrepreneurs. How do you convince people, women in particular, who have not prioritized their own self-care to start forever, to start investing in themselves in a real tangible way? What's that conversation like?

It's a really good question. And it's difficult, I think, in coaching, right? Because like I said, In traditional life coaching. So I think it's, there's a little bit of misconception sometimes because our industry is very saturated with coaches, right? Like everyone is a coach and I think everyone can be a coach. I actually don't mind that, but I think we have to be careful with the idea of coaching versus consulting versus mentoring because they all kind of hold a different, very valuable space. But with coaching, I'm not telling you how to fix your life or how you can fix your life. I am there to more so act as a guide, right? Like holding up a mirror to say, okay, you've got all of these things going on. You are feeling super burnt out. You don't feel like you have time for yourself. You don't feel like you're being a good mom. You know, all of these things. We're holding up a mirror to say, okay, these things are happening. Let's figure out, let's get to the root of the why. Why are these things happening? Why are they showing up in your life? Because only then, I think, are you able to make any kind of sustainable change if you're figuring out your why, why it's happening, and then what you really want. And then the other piece of that is helping them. I think the one of the biggest things that I see is that we're all in the stage of like autopilot, right? Like we're all just like moving through. The emotions, get— getting through the day. I mean, how many times have you said, like, if I can just make it through this week, I'll be fine. Make it through the next month of craziness, like it's all going to be fine. And then that cycle just repeats itself. So it's like bringing some clarity, bringing some awareness of how you're responding to yourself, others, the world around you, I think is—

I probably didn't answer your question, but I think that's my follow-up to that though, is how do women How do you get women to the point of giving themselves permission to quite literally invest money into that or invest the even more precious resource of time when they already are feeling like they don't have it?

Yeah.

How do you get them to that point of permission, of recognizing that that's permission they can and should give themselves?

Gosh, that's such a good question. I don't know if that is me doing that. Like, I truly feel when people come to me, they are at a space where they are— you got to be ready. You got to be to a point. If you're looking at a coach, you are at a space already where you're like, I don't know what the hell it is, but I know something isn't right and I just need someone else to help me walk through this and support me through it. So I don't even know if it's necessarily me helping them to figure out if they want to make that investment. It's just you're ready to go.

Can I offer you something? Because here's what I see that I think you do really well that actually invites people into this, okay? Is you share your own struggles so well in the realest way. Just like—

that's why I feel like we're best friends already, Jessica, because I've been in the same—

thank you. I receive that. I receive that. I'm trying to really receive. Things like that.

Yeah.

Thank you. And I think that I— so I share quite a bit on Instagram, as you all know. And I think I— when I started on Instagram, and that was before, you know, I had a private account, but just like seeing other people's beautifully curated squares, which I love sometimes, don't get me wrong. I like a pretty curated Instagram to look at. But I also really just wanted someone to show up on there and just be like, I'm a mess too. I'm doing the best I can. It's like I wanted someone else to be really real with me. And so I really work to put my full authentic self on there. And that doesn't mean you have to share every piece of your life. I think I need to let everyone know that, that you can still have a really private, beautiful life that not everyone needs to see and also show up really authentically on Whatever.

Social media. I think it's the answer to your question. This is how you get people to recognize in themselves, A, where they are at, and B, that you're somebody who gets it. And that's what people want. They want someone who's like, oh, yes, you get it. And so when they recognize and get themselves to a place, they're like, okay, I can't do this anymore. To. Like, they go, okay, Jessica is somebody who has mirrored back to me where I'm really at. Yeah, the resonance of that is, is, is how people come in to you, and they come in ready. So just thank you for that.

That's where I feel like the ripple effect happens, right? So I think regardless of if you, um, identify as a purpose-driven entrepreneur, I I think women specifically oftentimes fall into that, even if that is not something that's in their brain immediately, in that they are modeling things for other women that have been historically difficult. So saying out loud, I'm a mess, is historically difficult for women.

Right.

Saying it on social media is even more, you know, something that we have not yet been comfortable with. This newest generation coming up, they're going to be like, what is?

But totally.

Those of us in the 30 to 80 range, we have not learned that yet. Right.

So I already see it in my teens. Like, they're so much more confident and self-assured than I ever was at that stage. Like, it's just, it's really cool to see. I know people oftentimes give that generation a hard time, but I tell you, those kids are going to be all right. Like, they're—

yeah.

And they say the things out loud. I'm astounded at some of the— I laugh that when I'm with my girlfriend, somebody always is like, Oh, that's just childhood trauma. Or like, we just dropped these phrases now that are like totally normal for us, which have not historically been normal. But my kids will say phrases that are therapy-driven phrases with their friends just hanging out. And I'm like, I'm with you. I'm like, yes, this is— these kids are gonna be okay.

So yeah, except when my kids say it and I'm like, you have no trauma, I have done nothing to you. Shut up.

You're 11.

Exactly. You're fine. Your inner child wounds are not even established yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give me a few more years and then we'll talk. Exactly. Oh my gosh. Okay, so Jessica, you've been talking about something on social media and we have just a few minutes left. I want to talk about this little piece really quickly before we shift into our final question. About FEAR, the acronym of FEAR. And you, you ask people to, to respond to you about this. Can you just talk a little bit about that piece and how it's playing out for you right now?

Yes, totally. So, I mean, you and I have talked about this at length, about my fear of everything, my fear of getting up on stage, my fear of podcasts, like my fear of being seen, even though I know that it is— I know in my soul, like, this is my purpose and where I am supposed to be, and this is how I am supposed to serve and show up. So I know that. All good. No, it's true. Does not take away the fear, right? So I saw this really great— which, by the way, I've been cleared up of what this acronym actually is, but it was acronym for fear in it. What I heard was either fuck everything and run or face everything and rise. And what space do you want to be at? It's supposed to be forget everything and run, by the way, but whatever. I mean, potato.

That is, I think, subjective. Preferred choice.

Thank you. But I do think the face everything and rise, right? Like, I often feel like people think that, oh, if you just do it, if you can, you know, speaking, for instance, if you just get up on that stage and you do it over and over, you're just going to feel fine and you won't be scared anymore. And I call bullshit because I have done the things that terrify me, repeatedly done some of those things. And I am still scared.

Yeah.

However, I am shifting my perspective just a little bit on it, thinking I'm still doing it, I'm still showing up, and I'm learning something from it every time, right? I'm getting clarity on it every time. So I really invite people, move through the fear, do it anyway. There is always some clarity on the other side of that thing that scares the shit out of you. Every single time. It might tell you, girl, don't do that again.

Do it again.

It was not the right move, girl. It's clear. Or it's telling you, great job. This is— you're on the right path, which it has done for me. Right.

So, well, and you are speaking at Permission Slip on November 15th. You talk about overcoming this fear. So we're just going to brag for a second. Natalie Frank, Gayla Jackson, Diana Wei Fong, Lauren Reedy, Jessica Horton, and we've got some more that we're gonna invite in. But there you are in the big lights. I know, it's so exciting.

It's crazy.

And I'm excited to invite you into this. And part of the reason I was like, I really wanna get Jessica on this stage is because you bring the real, because you are really funny. You're not afraid to drop some F-bombs. I always appreciate that.

I am real funny, Sally, you're right.

I am funny. And because it's something that you both see as a part of your vision and are overcoming the fear in order to do that, that level of brave we feel as an audience. So I would just love really quickly, how are you feeling about it? Oh girl, oh girl.

I will say, so I've spoke on stages before and I remember the first time I Well, I won't tell you about when I did it in high school. That was the thing that set me off. But my first time doing it as a coach, I was so scared and just really feeling that imposter syndrome. And I think that's probably not the right word for it, but that inner critic telling me that I'm— who am I to be up on the stage? Who am I to be sharing these messages with people? I feel like this time around, sure, I'm scared. I'm real scared. But I know I have this inner knowing that this is what I'm supposed to do. And I keep reminding myself, if you can just help one person, all that fear, all of that anxiety, gosh, so worth it, right? So scared, but so ready.

Yeah, I love that. That, that tells me it's at the right level, it's the right place, it's the right stage. You're talking about the right things. It's at the right level of risk for you. Because if you weren't, if you weren't feeling some of that, like, bubbling up, I'd be like, well, I think maybe we need to talk about challenging yourself a little bit differently in this moment. So I love that for you. I'm really excited.

Sally, you had a really good post or something about— I don't know, it probably was you— about fear. Or is it anxiety? Is it nerves? Or is it excitement? And I'm really trying to shift my perspective that maybe that feeling of like, oh, I'm so scared is actually like, I'm so dang excited that I get to do this thing that I have been wanting to do for so long. Like, if I shift my perspective just a little bit, sure, it's still the nerves and whatever, but it's like, Holy shit, like I'm doing it, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The more you do it, the quicker it flips from like, ooh, I'm nervous. It's like, oh nope, I am, oh, I'm so excited about what could happen here. I get to, I get to. Love it. Yay, okay, last question for you, which is what is the next big permission slip that you are writing for yourself, Jessica? What is on the horizon for you?

Oh, I know, and I was supposed to have something. Okay, so two things that I kind of was going with is I have been, um, working on a course, an online course, for it feels like forever. I mean, like all year I've been doing this, and I keep finding reasons to tweak and to rework, and oh, it's not ready, it's not ready. And I am at a space right now, ladies, that I am just like girl, don't talk about it, just do the thing. So I really feel like I'm just giving myself that permission to just like put it out in the world and just let it be what it needs to be. So I think that's probably my biggest one.

I just noted my calendar to check in with Jessica and Sally Koering Zimney.

And she will. She will. I love that.

Thank you.

I might be a professional nudger, but she is aggressively helpful. And she will aggressively help you to make that happen.

Professional nudger and aggressively helpful. I love that.

Okay, quite the combo. Quite the combo.

Get ready, get ready. Well, Jessica, we have loved having you on. Thank you so much for being here. We cannot wait to welcome you onto the big stage November 15th. It is such a wonderful loving, open, just eager audience, and they are going to love you. And I know that you are going to serve them really beautifully and really well, and it'll be a highlight moment. So thank you for everything that you're doing to make it happen.

Thank you both so much.

Dance us out, Sally Koering Zimney.

Dance it out. Here we go. All right, team, thanks for coming. See you next time.

It's better mood voice.