The Struggle IS the Story - Why Speakers Skip the Most Important Part

I went to see The Odyssey this week, and watching it reminded me of one of the big mistakes that I see speakers make when they're sharing their story. They are missing out the best bit, and it's costing them in trust, impact, and opportunities. And in today's show, I'm going to be unpacking all of that for you. I'm Sarah Archer and this is the Speaking Club Podcast. It's designed to help you become the highlight of any stage that you're speaking on and to land you more clients and gigs. So yeah, I'm not going to spoil it for you, but here is the entire Odyssey film in about 15 seconds. Odysseus leaves with with a bunch of his men to go to war. 20 years later, he gets home to his family, and him and his wife sail off into the sunset together. That's it. That's the Odyssey. Pretty boring, isn't it? Except it isn't, because what I missed out in my quick recap is the huge bit in the middle that people actually paid to see. The struggle. And that is the piece that I see so often missing from people's stories, and it's a big problem because the struggle is the story. I even saw it a number of times when I was judging the TEDx and storytelling categories in the Speaker Awards this year. People were sharing like the before and their happily ever after, but missing completely or not sharing enough about the journey they went on to achieve that transformation. And you've probably seen similar from other speakers yourself. Something bad happened to me, and then they'll go into detail about the bad thing and the impact that it had. And then they'll make some inspiring comment like, but I refused to let that limit me, and today I've done insert big achievement, and life is great now. And that for your audience is like ordering a BLT sandwich and just getting 2 bits of bread. If I showed you a caterpillar and then showed you a butterfly, And said that turns into that, you'd probably think, oh, that's interesting, uh, how? But if I said when it's about 2 to 4 weeks old, the caterpillar forms a hard shell around itself, dissolves most of its body into a soup, and then transforms that soup into wings, antennae, jointed legs, a proboscis, Into the butterfly, and then that butterfly crawls out of its shell, turns upside down, and pumps liquid into its wings to spread them out before flying off, you'd be like, what? That's amazing! So why is sharing the struggle with your audience so important? First of all, that's the bit that they come for. They know your before and your after. It's probably in the blurb, but what they're curious about is how you made that shift. That's where they start to see the possibilities of transformation for themselves. Second, when speakers skip the struggle, they become less believable. Here's an example of, you know, of that. I was terrified of speaking. Now I keynote around the world. The audience is sitting there thinking, bully for you, but how? Then if you don't fill that gap, their brain starts to fill the gap. They sit there thinking, oh, maybe they're naturally talented, or maybe they got lucky, or maybe they know someone. Maybe they're just different from me. And that's exactly what you don't want. Whereas if you shared, I spent 6 months getting rejected, I bombed 20 talks, I nearly quit, suddenly they think, actually, I could probably do that. I wouldn't enjoy it, but I could do it if I want it that bad. Ironically, showing your failures makes you and your transformation more believable. People might admire your before and after. They might be inspired by it, but they really trust the struggle because the struggle shows that you didn't do a Star Trek and teleport from one point to the other. You earned the insight that you're now teaching. The struggle is value-packed. It's not just about entertainment, it's about where you're teaching. The unique IP comes from the struggle, like Colonel Sanders' blend of herbs and spices, which he likely discovered after trying lots of different ways to fry chicken. The struggle is the source of your special sauce. And then the struggle also gives Your frameworks and your systems and your processes much more credibility if people can see where they originated from, why they happened, what, you know, what your thought process is. So that begs the question, why don't people share the struggle sufficiently in their signature stories? So in my experience, there's a number of reasons. Firstly, a lot of people worry about their story taking up too much time, so they gloss over the struggle and try to rush to the tips and the tools. But what they're missing is that there is a ton of teaching and value in that struggle, which leads me to the next reason. Reason number 2 is they're suffering from expert blindness. I've talked about this a lot. It's that expert mindset kicking in because you've been on the journey. The obstacles you faced, how you overcame them, and the lessons that you learned diminish with time. They're much smaller in front of people. In front of you, they probably seemed huge, but in the rearview mirror, They're much smaller. So you need to approach your story and what you need to include in that story from a beginner's mindset and perspective. Remember what those obstacles were like if you went on that same journey. And if you are teaching something or you haven't been on the same journey but you've got the solution to their problem, then go and talk to them and understand the language and the issues and how they perceive those obstacles so that you can, you know, cover them in the right way to connect with that audience and build the trust. Okay, the last reason most people or a lot of people shy away from sharing the struggle is they want to protect that polished version of themselves. They'd rather be the hero who refused to be defeated than the person that got stuck, cocked things right up, or had to change their mind. But that polished version is less useful and less believable. It actually undermines you. Sharing the struggle enhances your status, Because it shows the origin of your systems and frameworks, as I said before, making them more concrete, more memorable, and you more credible. In my own story, I don't just say, my talks weren't generating clients, so I created a better structure, and today blah blah blah. No, I share the uncomfortable bit. I honestly thought, because of my background in performing, that when I stood in front of that audience the first time after I left the corporate world, I would need a bigger bank account. But that didn't happen. Although people were engaged, not enough of them took action, and I had to learn that one of the big reasons for that was that I perceived selling as inherently sleazy. And that meant I was unconsciously designing talks that gave people value but avoided moving them forward in the buying journey. So I trained in sales and marketing, and then one of my coaches described selling as an invitation to make a decision, and that completely changed how I saw it. In sharing that part of my journey, likelihood is that I'm tackling a similar limiting belief that my audience has, and then I get to share how I integrated that new belief into the talk structure that I teach today. So you see, the struggle is the story. The struggle is where you build trust. The struggle is where you get people to the point where they want to take action. They believe they can take action. They can see the possibilities for themselves. Now you might be thinking, that's all very well, Sarah, but what if I've got a limited amount of time? How am I going to fit the struggle in? And that's a good question, and the answer is you can absolutely do it. You can condense it either by cutting the story down and sharing it with a bit more brevity, which can sometimes make it even more powerful. And that's something that I walk you through in episode 194 of the Speaking Club podcast, Storytelling: The Long and Short of It, and I'll share the link for that in the description. The second way is to streamline the struggle. Ask yourself which obstacle produced a lesson my audience needs? Which decision changed the direction of my journey? Which failure explains why my framework exists? And they should help you identify the sort of core points that you need to get across in your story. Okay, so let's recap. Your audience doesn't only need to know that transformation is possible, they need to see how it became possible. Second, look at your story through a beginner's eyes. The obstacles shrinking in your rearview mirror may still look enormous to them. And don't separate the story from the teaching. The decisions, the mistakes, the discoveries inside that struggle are often your most credible teaching moments. And you can shorten the struggle, you can streamline it, but please don't skip it. The struggle is the story, and if you're leaving that out, you'll be shortchanging your audience and reducing your impact. So next time you are telling your signature story, don't rush from the caterpillar To the butterfly. Show us the chrysalis. Show us the soup. That's where the transformation happens. That's where the best lessons live. That's where the trust is built. Because, as I've said before, the struggle is the story. Oh, and if you haven't seen it, go and see The Odyssey because it's well cool. Okay, let me know how this landed for you. Do you struggle to share the struggle? Uh, and if you got value from the show, then hit that subscribe button and share it with others who might benefit. Until next time, you know what I'm gonna say. Don't forget to go out, grab your life by the nuts, and get cracking. Bye-bye. It's a nightmare. You're an expert with so much to say. But now that you've been booked to speak, you're struggling to know exactly what to talk about. You want a talk that engages the audience and wins you new clients without you losing your personality or anyone feeling pitched to. But what happens when you sit down to create that talk is that you end up staring at a blank page for ages, or worse, surrounded by hundreds of sticky notes with content that you could include. With so much material, you just don't know where to start or finish. Don't worry, because many experts like you face exactly the same challenge, and that's why I created the Blank Page to Stage Guide. In just 50 minutes, this breakthrough resource is going to help you identify the big idea of your message, make it relatable for the audience that you're speaking to, and and convey it all in a way that gets the audience inspired and on board with your idea. And it works even if you have tons of material or your subject feels less than exciting. If you want to cut through swathes of content and get a talk that you're excited to share, your audience loves, and wins you new clients, then grab your Blank Page to Stage guide from saraharcher.co.uk. Oh, I forgot to say, it's completely free. Enjoy!