A monologue criticizing public figures (Howard Stern, Jimmy Kimmel) for mocking or displaying tears; contrasts celebratory tears (Mike Schmidt at Hall of Fame) with what the speaker views as performative crying by Jimmy Kimmel after an election result. The speaker frames the emotional display as out-of-touch compared with small business owners who must work through hardship and cannot afford to cry, urging resilience and self-reliance.
Chapters
I'm old enough to remember guys like Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel. They used to make fun of people for crying. There was a Hall of Fame baseball player named Mike Schmidt. He was inducted into the hall of Fame. And Howard Stern used to play on loop all the time. Mike Schmidt crying when he was inducted to the hall of Fame. Now this is a guy that had accomplished something there very few people on the planet would ever accomplish. They were tears of joy, tears of gratitude, tears of humility for being inducted into the hall of Fame. I mean, these are tears I could get behind. It was still funny as hell when Howard Stern did it. But it's even funnier now that Jimmy Kimmel is crying because this person didn't get elected. I could get behind Mike Schmidt for crying. I mean, at least he accomplished something. Jimmy's crying. I wouldn't let my 11 year old behave like that. I just. And millions of Americans are laughing, I think for a couple reasons. Number one, I love his line, you know, you guys just don't realize it yet. Even Kamala says things are going to be fine. I'm telling you, Jimmy, it's going to be fine. You're going to be okay. Get a tissue. It'll be okay. And I think here's one of the reasons why millions of Americans, just hard working Americans just think this is hysterical. I work with small business owners around the world and before noon we get fired, we get sued by, by employees, vendors, partners, just to feed our families. It is a bloodbath out there just to stay afloat. The cost of living has skyrocketed. We're struggling to make ends meet. We're working like dogs day in and day out. And I work with plumbers, H vac owners, doctors, attorneys, med spa owners, hairstylists, you name it. But small business owners around the world, we're struggling just to survive. And the reason we don't cry is because we know it won't pay the bills. We don't cry because we know that will not change our situation. The only thing that changes our situation is pulling ourselves up and working through it, fighting through it, getting up every single day and getting after it. Something Jimmy hasn't figured out or maybe forgotten. Maybe you used to know that, but you forgot it. My 11 year old, when he loses a match to a young man or young woman, I tell them, don't cry. There's not going to be any crying. You're going to shake that person's hand and you're going to look at that young man or young woman, whoever beat you. And you're going to think to yourself, next time, I'm going to get you. You hold your head up, you shake their hand, and you move forward. Small business owners have already figured something out that Jimmy doesn't know. Regardless of who's in the White House, we will continue to fight and struggle and win and do whatever we can to feed our families, because that's what we do. But I just think it's great. I just think it's great. And millions of Americans are laughing. I think just because you forgot what it's really like out there. And millions of Americans, I think, reminded you what it is like out there. So maybe you're not smarter than everybody. Just a thought.
