#046 - 3 tips to overcome the fear of speaking

Hey, Hitsplitz family. This is Shelly Hitz, the owner and founder of ChristianBookAcademy.com and here with some wisdom for writers. Now, if you're a writer, chances are a majority of you are not comfortable speaking. Your sweet spot is writing. And so today I wanted to talk about three tips to overcome the fear of public speaking. But even if you are an extrovert or you do like to speak, or you're a verbal processor or whatever, oh, speaking is just one of the top fears that anyone has. And so I just wanted to talk about this today. And it came to my mind because for those of you that don't know on the side, I have gotten my certification to teach group fitness classes. I'm a nutrition coach and years ago, my previous career was as a physical therapist. So it's right in that wheelhouse of exercise and all the things. But.

It'S a ministry. It's a side thing. I got certified through a ministry called Revelation Wellness. And they call us fitness teachers, gospel preachers, because we share a message as we work out. It is so powerful. If you want to check it out, you can go to revelationwellness.org, see, see if there is a in person class near you or their videos. Their workout videos are free at Rev well TV, but just go to revelationwellness.org Anyways, I digress, but I have not been leading in person classes for, I don't know, I think it's been almost eight months since May. And it was because I had turnover of my. Of two people on my team, my main assistant and then a second virtual assistant. And. And I was just buried in not only doing my work, but doing all of their work and then hiring someone and training them. And then we had the conference and then all the things. And so I said, okay, I can return to teaching in January. And I teach with a team. There's several other people, so there's a couple other people. So it turns out to be maybe once a month. So this was my week to teach and I found myself getting so nervous. First of all, I just haven't done it for a long time. And second of all, you know, it's just something normal. So my first tip for you. Tip number one is to realize that feeling nervous is normal. Years ago, I heard Michael Hyatt say that when you feel that anxiety, you feel that, that adrenaline or, you know, the feeling of like, ah, I'm gonna die, you, you know, just tell yourself, this is my body's way of preparing for peak performance. So There are going to be certain chemicals released. There's going to be a certain feeling that you'll have. And it's just your body's way of preparing for that situation. For you, it might be recording a video, it might be a podcast interview, going live, you know, all the things. And it might be speaking in front of group of people. You know, speaking is actually a great way to sell books because people immediately get to know you. And if you're speaking on your same topic, they are most likely going to be interested in your book and what you have to offer. So one thing you can do to help when you're feeling this way is breathing. It's God's way of helping us to calm down when we feel stressed, to increase our energy when we feel low. There's different breathing techniques for wherever you're at. But if you're feeling stressed and you want to calm down, this is the one I use almost every day. I mean, I just use it all the time, and it just helps me so much. You just breathe in for maybe four counts and then breathe out longer than you've breathed in. So breathe out seven counts or six counts, whatever feels good for you. There's a free app called Breathwork that I use, and I just use their calm setting and they just lead you through it anyways. But you can do it on your own. Just take a few deep breaths, and it literally will decrease the cortisol in your brain, which is the stress hormone, and it can help you. So that's tip number one. It's. It's completely normal, and it's your body's way of preparing for peak performance. You can try some breathing exercise. Tip number two is really just to dig deeper. Dig deeper. What are you actually afraid of? And I was doing that this week, and I'm like, why am I feeling so nervous? What am I actually afraid of? And when I really started digging in deeper, I was like, there are no high stakes here. You know, when I led the workout this week, it was. I'm not getting paid for it. Like, I'm actually doing this volunteer as a ministry. I'm not getting paid. It's. I mean, it's not. I mean, it's just. There's. The stakes were so low, it was. Wasn't even funny. But then I was. I was feeling so afraid. Like, I was just. I was, you know, so nervous. And so I was. I was thinking through it, I was like, you know, these ladies that come, we have maybe 10 to 15 ladies that come right now, and you know, as God blesses it, as the word gets out, we may have more, but these ladies are so gracious, so kind. Even if I did make a mistake on a movement or if the playlist went crazy or something happened and the technology wouldn't work, you know, we couldn't play the music on the speaker or, I don't know, I mean, it would all. It would be fine, and they would be so gracious. We could just adapt and do something different or, you know, I would just laugh it off if I. If I did the wrong choreography or made a mistake or whatever. But the stakes were actually so low, and I'm like, oh, fear. You know, have you ever heard the acronym False evidence Appearing Real? You know, we live in a day and age where our body many times sees things as more of a risk than it really is. So, like, if you're going to be doing a video recording or a podcast interview or go live, like, if you stumble over your words, it's not like you're not going to die. You're literally. You're not going to literally die. Yeah, you might feel embarrassed, but you know what? When you do a recorded video, just stop.

Give a little bit of a break, and then, you know where you can edit the video and then start back in. That's what I always do. And instead of starting over, starting over, and you start over 25 times and then finally give up, just stop. Wherever you messed up, restart that sentence and edit that part out. It's not a big deal. You're not going to die. I promise you.

And if you're doing a live video or a. A podcast interview, prepare. You can write things out. Like, you know, CJ sometimes will write out almost his entire thing that he's going to share, and he's gotten better at it now, and he'll do bullet points, you know, that sort of thing. I'm a lot more comfortable flying by the seat of my pants, but I still will have an outline or something like that. But just know you can. And you can practice in advance, and that's actually the next. The next tip. But just really dig deeper. What are you actually afraid of? Because at the end of the day, most of the time, whatever is going to happen.

It'S not going to be catastrophic. It really is not. Even if you stumble over your words or you forget what you were going to say, ask the Lord to show you what to say instead. Maybe it will even be more impactful than what you had originally planned, you know? So anyways.

I encourage you Tip number one, realize it's normal and work with your body. You know, realize it's preparing for peak performance. Do some breathing exercises. And then two, dig deeper. What are you actually afraid of? And a. An affirmation. I've been saying a lot to myself, if you've had any trauma in your life, those of you that have been following me know that my grandma was murdered when I was 8 years old. And when something traumatic like that happens when you're that young and in that age frame, it can really impact you. And so a lot of times I don't feel safe. And so, you know, whatever's happened to you in the past, whether it's a big T trauma or little T trauma, you can have these reactions to things. And I love the affirmation. All is well. I am safe. All is well, and I am safe. And many times we are. We are safe. It's just that false evidence appearing real. It's that fear. It could be a spiritual battle, too, trying to keep us. Because I will tell you, in this workout this week, it was powerful. The message and the testimony I shared. And, you know, several women came up to me afterwards, and it was just powerful. And so, you know, sometimes the enemy's trying to taunt us and trying to intimidate us as well. The third tip is, if God has called you to this, he will equip you. And I think sometimes we just forget this and we just need reminded, right? I mean, I think we all know it deep down, but I have three P's for you. Preparation, practice, and prayer. So I know the more I'm prepared, the less anxiety and the less nervous that I will feel. And so I was. I was prepared for this Saturday, and yet I was still nervous, but I was prepared. And then I kept telling myself. I kept telling myself, shelly, you're prepared. You know, you know, you have the topic, you have the playlist, you have the. The exercises, like you're prepared. And so if you've prepared, just tell yourself, you know, again, like, talk to yourself. You know, my name, obviously, is Shelly. Say your name and then say you're prepared. You've. You've done the work. God will. God will equip you, and he will give you, you know, give you what you need in the moment. If you're not prepared, then that could be a huge reason that you're feeling this. So I just recommend spending a little more time preparing, first of all, and then practice. You know, practice makes perfect, they say, and it doesn't always make perfect, but Practice does make you feel a lot more comfortable. So I did a song this week with our workout that was choreographed. It was a kickboxing song, and I had to remember the moves, but I practiced and. But it was. It was also a really fun song that I really enjoyed, so that was helpful, too. So when you have a topic that you love and you could just talk about all the time, that really helps, you know, when you're doing any kind of speaking. But practice, practice. I. I worked with a speech coach before, and, you know, they would say, on your feet out loud. So instead of just reading your notes, stand up on your feet. If you want, you can stand in front of a mirror, but you don't have to. But just stand up on your feet and then practice out loud. Go into a room, close the door, or if you have to, go into your car and just park in your driveway or wherever and practice right there. But it really makes a difference, practicing out loud. And so you'll find those places that you are stumbling over your words or that maybe you didn't really think through the story you wanted to tell. And so that's really, really helpful. Sometimes I will even record myself as I'm doing it. I also will at times time myself. So if it's a. A particular speaking engagement, that it needs to be a certain time, like when I did a keynote speech for the Writers on the Rock conference a few years ago, there was a very specific timeline, and I really wanted to honor their time. I knew there was a lot of other things going on that day, and I practiced on my feet out loud, recording myself several times so I could really nail down the timing and know that sometimes, like, for me, when I'm doing it live, sometimes. Sometimes it can go longer because I get excited in the moment and I might add things.

But for you, it might be the opposite. So just know yourself, too. And then prayer, obviously, right? I mean, we all know this, but God is with you, my friend. He is not going to let you down. And yes, you may stumble on your words, you may make a mistake. It's okay. Just keep going. Don't let that stop you. And you know what? We all do it. And we're all. I think. I think some ways, like, it endears people to us when we share our flaws, when we share that, you know, we struggle to. Like, right here on this podcast, I'm sharing with you that. I mean, I've been a professional speaker getting paid to speak since 2007. So how many years is that? 15 years. I don't know, 20, I don't know how many years, 15 years. But I've been doing this a really, really long time. And I'm telling you right here, I still struggle with this sometimes, you know, and especially when it's something that, like this workout, that I am not as comfortable. I haven't done it as many times as I've done zoom calls or, you know, speaking in front of audiences and workshops and conferences and all the things. So.

Anyways, prayer. If you don't have a prayer team that's praying for you, for your writing and for the ministry that you have, I encourage you to put together a small private prayer team. It can just be two or three people that you send a text out or you send an email out to once a week. And when you know you're gonna have a speaking engagement or you're gonna be recording videos or having a podcast interview, ask them to pray. Those are things that I ask my prayer team to pray for. And I actually did cover this in a previous episode if you wanna go back and listen to that, if you haven't. So anyways, I also, in this step, if God has called you to it, he will equip you. I want you to close your eyes. I want you to visualize whatever audience you're going to have. If it's a virtual audience, then just visualize those people listening to the podcast. Visualize them listening to it as they're working out, as they're cleaning the house, as they're commuting to work. Visualize the people that are going to be on that live video or watching the replay. Visualize the audience that will be there in the in person speaking engagements and visualize it going well. Visualize what God is going to do in their lives or is able to do in their lives and how this message and how this, this content can impact them, can, can help them learn something new, entertain them, change their lives for eternity. Potentially depending on the topic that you're sharing. Visualize and visualize people's lives changing because you stepped out of your comfort zone and you did the thing right, you did the thing that's uncomfortable for you. There's a lot of ways you can market your book as an introvert. I actually just released a blog post all about that and you can check it out@trainingauthors.com and just click on the blog and. Or just search for introvert or introverted author and you'll find it. But I want to encourage you, even if you're an introvert, I am an introvert and yet God has used me as a communicator. And so instead of just saying I'm an introvert, I don't do speaking, I don't do videos, I don't do this, say, God, I'm a communicator and you've given me a message to share. Please, Lord, equip me and empower me to do what you've called me to do. So those are the three tips. Number one, know it's normal and use some breathing techniques to calm your body. Like literally, you can decrease your cortisol, the stress hormone, through breathing exercise. Number two, dig deeper. What are you actually afraid of? Typically it's, you know, it's false evidence appearing real. So, you know, the affirmation I shared is all as well. I am safe. And then number three, if God called you to a friend, he will equip you. I do encourage you to still prepare, to practice on your feet out loud and then to get people praying for you. Pray for the event yourself. Visualize it going well and the transformation God will bring. So I hope that this encouraged you. If so, let me know if you're a Christian Book Academy member, share in our private group and let me know if you're going to step outside your comfort zone and do something that, that you know, like this with speaking. And if you're not yet a member, we encourage you to join us@christianbookacademy.com or you can email supporttrainingauthors.com I'd love to hear from you. All right, friends, I'll talk to you later. Bye bye.