7 Tips to Overcome Fear When Writing About Your Past

Welcome to the Author Audience show, the podcast that helps you reach more people with your message, create a book, connect with your audience, change lives. Here's your host, Shelly Hitz.

In today's training, I'm going to share with you 7 tips to overcome fear when writing about your past. Hi, my name is Shelly Hitz. I'm an author coach and on a mission to help you reach more people with your message. And it's time to let your light shine. And in this training, I'm going to talk a little bit about mindset, especially when writing about your past, when writing about your story. You've heard me say, if you followed me for any amount of time, your story matters. I had someone in my author Audience Academy group today ask me this question, Shelley, how do I overcome the fear of sharing my story? Do you have any tips or strategies? And to be very honest, I don't have any one specific strategy that's just the be all, end all to overcome fear. If you're a Christian, which most of my followers are, the Bible says perfect love drives out fear. The perfect love of Christ will drive out that fear. But sometimes we have to do it afraid. Courage is doing it afraid. But I'm going to share with you seven tips I came up with that may help you when you're sharing your story and you feel that fear and that self doubt overcoming you, wanting you to stop. I just got back from my Colorado Writing Retreat.com and one of the ladies that was there had a similar issue. She's like, shelly, I don't know that I really want to share my testimony and, you know, have to share all the gory details. Tip number one is you do not have to share all the details of your story. I am very open that I had a two year addiction to Internet pornography and sexual sin and, and I was caught up in that addiction. I've written a book all about that topic for Christian women that are struggling with a pornography addiction. But in that book, I don't share the gory details. I don't share a bunch of the details of the struggle or the addiction or just the stuff. I share enough that they know I struggled and I share enough that they know that I'm someone that can be trusted to help them. But I focus. Tip number two, focus on the hope and healing part of your story. So yes, I mean, every story has an arc. You know, you can do a ton of research. I'm not an expert on writing a story, but I'm an expert on helping you get your first Draft out of your head onto paper in record time. Every story has its arc. You have the obstacles. You have the ups and the downs of a story. So they need to know your struggle. They need to know that you struggled. But you don't have to camp there very long. You don't have to tell all the gory details. Focus on the hope and the healing and what happened and what God did in your life and how you overcame that struggle and how you can help them do the same.

So tip number one, you don't have to share all the gory details. Tip number two, really spend a lot of time focusing on the hope and the healing, on the overcoming part of the story, that sort of thing. Tip number three, Pray, pray, pray. Make sure if you have not listened to podcast 37, it's on my blog, it's on my YouTube channel, it's on my podcast. Author audience on itunes or stitcher. Listen to that. Because I share three reasons why every Christian author needs a prayer team. So while you're writing the book, send a weekly update to your prayer team, asking for specific prayer. I've been doing that as I've been writing my book, Broken Crayons Still Color. It has helped me so much knowing that they are praying for me. Make sure, if you don't already have your prayer team established, listen to that training, establish your prayer team. But if you already have a prayer team, are you sending weekly updates? At the very minimum, I recommend weekly updates because people get busy, they forget. But when you email them and when you remind them, they will be like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna pray. And give them specific, specific things to pray for. So if you're feeling this fear about sharing your story, send that to your prayer team. Let them know that they need to be praying for that, and ask them to pray that God would overcome that fear in your life, give you the words to write, and then it would just flow. So pray, pray, pray. Have your prayer team praying. You should definitely be praying for that. Write out in your journals, your prayers, and just be covering this in prayer because it's tough. It's hard. It's really, really tough sometimes, and it will bring up emotions. I probably had some of the most difficult weeks of my life writing my book Broken Crayons Still Color. Because I shared about almost every difficult, hurtful thing that I've ever gone through in my life. I think I shared about it in that book. And so I. I share about it in a way, though, that focuses on the hope and the healing and really encourages people, but it was hard. And so sometimes. Number four is that you may need to also work with a counselor or a life coach while you're writing your book because it may be bringing stuff up for you that you need to continue to work through yourself. And you may need that extra support. You may need to have somebody to talk to. My mom and my sister are both counselors and, and I talked to them a lot during this process of writing this book because it brought up a lot of stuff for me and I needed to talk to someone. I needed to have someone to talk to. So that may be something that you need as well. Number five, I recommend using your journals. So hopefully you have had some journals that you've kept over the years or you've had something, blog posts, newsletters, different things that you may have used over the years that you've recorded some of your thoughts and feelings. And instead of having to come up with it from scratch, use your journals. I've done that with almost every book where I've shared part of my story. I use my journals. It helps me not only remember more accurately, but it also takes some of the pressure off from really, truly having to dig deep, remember everything, walk through everything again, because it's all out there in the journals. Okay, so number six is to remember your why remember who you're writing this book for? The first night of the writing retreat, I had the women do this, and I recommend that you do this as well. Take out a piece of paper and a pen and write out, who are you writing for? Who is it that this book is going to be for? And what could be possible when your book is published? What could be possible when your book is published out there? How it help people, what could it do? And write that on a piece of paper, post it in your office where you can see it every day. And then I want you to think of someone. I want you to think of someone who is your ideal target audience, the person that could be impacted or reached with this book. And I want you to actually write their name down and I want you to think of them, I want you to picture them. I want you to really have a firm feel, reason of purpose of why you're going through this pain, why you're doing this, why you're sharing this story? What's going to be the eternal impact? What's going to be the impact on people right now? What could be possible when your book is published and who is this book for? Because when you have a person that you're picturing that maybe you have already helped in a face to face relationship or you know their story and you know how they have changed because of that. It really gives you the motivation and the encouragement to keep going. The seventh thing is to remember what the Bible says in Revelations 12:11. When I first started sharing my testimony, it was something I was like, I do not want to share this. This is embarrassing. There's so much shame regarding my story and some of the things that happened to me. And I was like, God, this is too hard. I can't do this. And God gave me this verse in Revelations 12:11. I want you to write it down. I want you to have it written out somewhere where you can see it every day. And Revelations 12:11 says, they triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. They did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

They triumphed over him. In the context of Revelations 12, him is Satan is the enemy. They triumphed over Satan by the blood of the lamb. The lamb is Jesus. And the word of their testimonies. If you're a Christian author, which most of my followers are, when you share your story, your testimony, your story of hope, of freedom, of overcoming of whatever it is that you've been through, addictions, you know, abuse, you're able to share the hope of Jesus Christ and overcome the enemy.

Wow.

That's why I do what I do. That's why I share my story. That's why I go through the pain. That's why I do it. It's not for me. It's not so I can be a best selling author. It's not even just so I can help people. It's so I can be used by God in a way that almost nothing else can. I mean, the blood of Jesus, yes, the blood of Jesus, his sacrifice for our sins. But then the word of our testimony is so powerful and the enemy, you know what the enemy wants to do? He wants to shut us up.

He doesn't want us telling our stories. He wants us to think, no, you can't share that. It's going to make you look bad. You're going to be embarrassed. There's too much shame. You can't do this. Who are you to share your story? Who is ever going to read your story? Who is ever going to be impacted with your story? No one out there needs your story. I thought all those things when I wrote my book on pornography. Who's going to read a book for Christian women struggling with pornography? I thought I was the only one, I thought it was the only one in the entire world that was a Christian, that was a woman that was married, that struggled with pornography. Since I've started sharing my story, I found I am not the only one. My story has given so many people hope that they too can find that freedom and that healing that's only available in Christ. But it's brought hope.

Can you tell? I get pretty passionate about this because your story matters. I can't tell your story. I can't do it for you. I can coach you, I can help you, I can lead you, I can share with you, I can give you tips, I can give you strategies. I can share what's worked for me. But. But I cannot tell your story. You are the only person that can share your story. And no one else in the world can share your story like you can.

You are the only one who can share your story. Now, I do want to make sure, like that, you know, you're supposed to share your story if you're still in the middle of it. If you're not free yet, if you haven't truly overcome yet, it's probably not time to share your story. But if you're free, if you're on the other side, yes, sometimes I still struggle with pornography. I'm not saying I'm 100% free every minute of every day, but I'm free. God's healed me and he's asked me to share my story. So if you're still in the middle of it, it may not be the time, or if it relates with other people and other people's stuff, you may need to ask God for wisdom because you know you don't want to tell other people's stuff. So I try to focus on my story. I try to focus on what I went through, my side of it. You don't have to say who abused you. You don't have to say what it was you went through. You don't have to say. You don't have to point the fingers at other people, because that isn't what telling your story is about. Telling your story is just so people know that you've been there. It's a way to be vulnerable. And when you're vulnerable with other people and you share your story, they're more likely going to open their heart because they know that you've been there. They know that you have walked through pain as well. And they're going to be more willing to maybe follow your advice or walk that journey or be open to the next step. Because they know that you've been there too.

So it doesn't mean just because you have a story doesn't mean you're supposed to tell it. Ask God. Pray and ask him pray and he'll show you what you're to share and what you're not to share. He'll tell you how much details, and usually it's a lot less details than you think. You don't have to share all the details, you don't have to share all the dirty laundry. But I do encourage you to share your story. So as a recap, seven tips when you have fear sharing your story. Number one, don't share all the details. Only share what's necessary for them to understand you've been there. Number two, focus on the hope and the healing and how they can also overcome and you know where it took you and the process that you went through. Number three, prayer, prayer and more prayer. So you need to have a prayer team. If you don't have one, at least two or three people, that's all you need. And send them updates every single week. Number four, you may need to work with a counselor or a life coach because it may also bring up stuff from your past that needs deeper healing. Healing comes in layers, like an onion. And sometimes we all need to go another step deeper until we get to heaven, this side of heaven, we're going to continue to be transformed, to be sanctified as the Bible says, or continue to grow and mature and Christ, you know, use your journals so that you're not just working from a blank slate. And then remember who you're writing for and think about what could be possible Once this book is published, remember that. Post it. Make sure you have that somewhere so that you remember. Also post up the scripture from Revelations 12:11. They triumphed over him, the enemy Satan, by the blood of the Lamb, the blood of Jesus, and by the word of their testimony, they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. There is power in telling our stories. I'm not saying you have to tell everything. I'm not saying that right now is the right time. But I pray that you're able to overcome the fear. The Bible says perfect love drives out fear. If you're feeling fear and resistance, it may be because your story story is powerful and many people are going to be impacted by it again. This is Shelly Hitz. I'm an author coach@authoraudienceacademy.com and I'm on a mission to help you reach more people with your message. Your story matters. It's powerful. But many times there will be resistance when you say, okay, yes, I'm going to share my story. And you get in the middle of it. And it's like.

I felt it when I was writing my book. Broken crayons still color. Praise God. It's going through final edits right now. But I almost did not make it. For me personally, I needed to have accountability. So I formed a beta group and I sent each chapter each week to that beta group. That may be another option for you. A little bonus tip. That's a way. Because I knew they were waiting for it every week, and so it kept me going. Whatever it takes, I encourage you to never, never, never give up. Keep going. Because someone out there is waiting for what you have to share. Someone out there needs the hope that you're going to share in your book, in your story. Someone out there is waiting for salvation. They're going to have salvation through your book or hope or healing. They may even not commit suicide because they read your book. I mean, there's so many things, and it's not a guilt, it's not a shame, it's a look what God is able to do when you share your story, when you're obedient, when you share his word, God will do the rest. He'll show up, he'll take care of the details, and people's lives will be changed as a result. Amen. All right, well, I'll see you guys next time. And in the meantime, keep sharing your stories.

Thanks for listening to this episode of the Author Audio. Connect with us online@authoraudience.com where you'll find all the resources mentioned in today's episode. While you're there, grab Shelley's free video training on how to write and publish your book using her Six Step Ascent method. Join us again next week to learn how to reach your audience with your message.