What is FEAR stealing from YOU?

Today is a hit splits episode for Author audience.

Welcome to the Author Audience show, the podcast that helps you reach more people with your message, create a book, connect with your audience, change lives. Here's your host, Shelly Hitz.

I believe we all have a story. We all have something to share. God has not forgotten you. He has given you gifts. He's given you abilities. And my goal and my passion is to help you to shine those gifts and abilities in the ways that God has intended for you to shine. Today I'm going to be talking about fear. And it's been something I have been dealing with myself as well. So I am a person that, that outwardly I take action. I'm an action taker. How many of you have taken the Strength Finder 2.0 test? You can find it.

Within the book on Amazon. Strength Finder 2.0. You can find this test and it will be able to tell you what your top strengths are. But I am an activator, an action taker. I'm trying to remember what even the Strength Finder 2.0 says. But basically one of my top strengths is that I take action. And yet it was interesting that I have a small mastermind of coaches in Colorado Springs. We've been meeting the last few months and one of the coaches took us through her process of what she does with people and we took her assessment. They call it the PX12 performance profile. It's interesting because.

On this profile there's different, there's, there's different levels. There's a side that's blue and there's a side that's red. Your blue should be higher, your red should be lower. Now check out mine. See how much red I have.

That's not good. It was actually an eye opener for me because I'm an action taker because I act even when afraid. I, I didn't think I was dealing with fear, but what it showed me is that my outward actions are not lining up with my inward emotions. And that many times I'm still having this feeling of fear or of not measuring up, not being good enough or what they call it is being self conscious or needing reassurance from people. So needing that reassurance, needing to prove ourselves, it got me thinking about this whole thing of fear. I know a lot of my clients also deal with self sabotage. So I wanted to talk about this today. I wanted to share that I also deal with it. I am not perfect. I think it's a universal thing that we all deal with, that we all struggle with at Some point in our lives. I want to ask you today, what is fear holding you back from doing? And even if you're doing it, afraid.

Are you possibly like me, where there's still this disconnect, there's still this disconnect of having that fear inwardly, even though you're still doing it. And for me as a Christ follower, I know the Holy Spirit lives in me and the Holy Spirit is peace. And, and that's what I want more than anything is I want peace. More than success, more than money, more than anything else, I want peace.

I think we all want that. We want that peace. And yet so many times we just ignore the warning signs. When I was a physical therapist, I would tell people that many times your body will give you warning signs. Just like a car gives you a check engine light, time to check the engine, something might be going on. A lot of times our physical body will give us those warning signs too. After sitting for a while, you might have a little bit of pain. It goes away real quick. But it's a warning sign. And are you going to pay attention to that warning sign and look into it deeper or are you just going to keep letting it go? And I think emotionally we get some of those warning signs as well. I do tend to have some stress and anxiety and although I'm able to work through it and handle it, it's a warning sign. If I keep going at this level, it's not going to be healthy for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. How about you? What kind of warning signs do you have right now? Well, I want to talk about several things that we can do to overcome this and not allow fear to hold us back and to limit us. Because fear, self sabotage, whatever you want to call it, it can be a dream killer, it can be a goal killer. I'm going to have a special virtual planning retreat next week with authoraudienceacademy.com members called Plan It Day. It's going to be all about planning 2016, your next 90 days, really deciding what is your breakthrough goal. And we're going to do a ton, a ton of great work. Brian Tracy said that every minute spent in planning saves 10 minutes execution. Whenever we plan, we are able to save time later and we're able to have that focus. So what is it that you want in 2016 and how might fear be holding you back? I read a book this last year that really was impactful for me. It's called the Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It's not a Christian based book, but you can read the book with a biblical worldview and still get a lot, a lot out of it. It was really, really helpful for me. The things he talks about is upper limiting behaviors. This kind of relates to self sabotage. Once you reach a certain level of success, it's almost like you reach this upper limit, this ceiling, and all of a sudden it's like, oh, I'm up to this point, I don't deserve to be here, or I'm not worthy of being here, or what would people think of me being here? Or there might be all kinds of things that are going on in your head and it limits you. And you're like, I better go back to where I feel comfortable. And so when you go back, it's like when you're dealing with that self sabotage, it holds you back from reaching your goal. And he said some of the hidden barriers, some of these upper limiting barriers, like, you're just like, I just can't get through to that next level in my business, in my personal life, whatever it might be. He said, one of them could just be feeling fundamentally flawed or that I might fail. When I first read the book, I thought, oh, I'm not dealing with this. But after I took that assessment and I saw all of those red marks on my assessment once I started really thinking about it again this week. I think that there might be something to that. Because even though I'll take actions, I'll do things, I'll set boundaries, I. I'll do what I need to do internally, I'm just not feeling good about it. I either feel guilty about setting the boundary or I feel like I'm gonna disappoint someone. And so what I think might be going on is that upper limiting thing that for some reason I feel that I'm not good enough. Now a story I tell is. When I was little and I was a baton twirler, it was a fun thing. My sister and I were part of the sunbeams. Baton twirlers. We had a parade. We practiced and practiced and we went out and during the parade, I had a near flawless performance. Only one time did I drop my baton. I reached down to get the baton and guess when the newspaper took my picture for the paper for everyone to see. They took my picture the one time. And I'm gonna get teary eyed just talking about it. The one time I dropped my baton. And I think as a little girl, I learned that I wasn't good enough. If I'm not perfect, if I don't perform perfectly, something is wrong with me because that's what was portrayed to my entire community was my one mistake. It's there in black and white. I have the newspaper article where the picture of me dropping my baton. And so that is one of the things that can limit us. The second thing he talked about is disloyalty or abandonment. So maybe your family grew up in such a way that you feel if you keep moving forward, if you keep doing the things you're doing, publishing books and speaking and building an online business, that you'll move past them. Sometimes you feel like you'll be disloyal because you're leaving people behind, you're leaving friends behind, you're leaving. That's the feeling that we get. This one is that more success, if we keep pushing that upper limit, more success brings a bigger burden. So sometimes we feel like if we keep succeeding in our business or as an author, as a speaker, as an entrepreneur, that it's only going to bring a bigger burden, more work, more stress, and it's going to be hard.

There are growing pains in business, but sometimes that's the thinking that holds us back from really shining and pushing through. And then the fourth thing he said is the crime of outshining someone else. That was another thing that I know that I've dealt with because I'm the oldest and my sister always says, shelly, they love you more. You get better grades, you do this better. I think growing up, I felt like I need to not shine too much because I don't want to outshine my sister. I want her to also shine. And so it's almost like dimming your own light so that you don't detract from someone else. So that was another one. Do you relate to any of those four things of ways that you might be limiting yourself, those upper limiting behaviors? That's where I think God is working in me on the inside to realize that it's not about me. It's about the gifts and abilities he's given to me. And it's about letting my light shine so that people may glorify him. And as a Christian, if we limit ourselves that upper limiting, we're limiting what we allow God to do through us. We limit what he can do through us to shine and to inspire others, to encourage others, to help others. But sometimes there's that disconnect, and sometimes we can see it outwardly. Sometimes it's just inwardly. I don't know about you, but I want to have both of them line up and I want to have the Outward actions of my life line up with the inner actions. I want to have the peace of the Holy Spirit. I want to live in peace. But I also don't want to continually be limiting myself. So that's where self sabotage comes in. This week I was dealing with a ton of technology issues. My website was down Tuesday, it was down Wednesday, and I was just feeling frustrated. So one of the things he talks about in this book, the big leap. And when you're feeling worry, anxiety, stress, think about what good thing is trying to come through. So as a Christian, I think, okay, what is God doing? What is he trying to do that maybe that spiritual battle is coming against us? Well, I was part of a group promotion this week and it launched yesterday, Thursday. So my site was down Tuesday. My site was down Wednesday. This promotion launched Thursday. Thousands of people have come to my site as a result of this promotion. And the good thing, I think that was trying to come through and yet there was all this stress is reaching more people. And this last year I did a ton, a ton of content and I built my author audience academy, launched my podcast. And what is it that you accomplished this last year? What is it that you want to accomplish in the next year? Your business is in a different place than mine. But the next step for me is now to start getting the word out to more people, to start really marketing. And that's where I need to start pushing through that upper limiting behavior, the self sabotage, the fear with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. But to get the word out to more people, to do more marketing. I saw a quote the other day and I thought it was great. They said 20, 20% of your time should be spent in creating the content. 80% of your time should be spent in marketing. It's a bit convicting to me because I love to create. I could just create, create, create, create, create, create, create. Some people are like, Shelly, I can't keep up with all your trainings. And I tell them, only listen to, only take in what is applicable to where you're at right now. Don't feel like you have to listen to everything. And I love to create. But what I need to do now is with everything that I've created, is now really work on marketing. And you know what marketing does. Marketing puts me out there to more people. I'm in this safe little place right now. Are you in a safe little place? Are you in your comfort zone? Are you in a place that feels comfortable? And that can be part of what happens too is when we start moving outside that comfort zone, the fear comes in. What will people think of me? What will happen? What if my site goes down during this big promotion? I'm there for everyone to see. Going back to the baton story, the one time that my site is down, it's during this big promotion. And everyone's like, you know, why can't I access your side? And that didn't happen, thankfully. But you start fearing things because you start going out of your comfort zone. And so how can you go outside of your comfort zone this next year and in a way that you're able to do it authentically and with the peace of the Holy Spirit, not let that fear hold you back? The next step for me, I feel, is that marketing piece, getting the word out. And I felt myself kind of like this week, like I kind of want to stay in my comfort zone. I kind of want to stay with just the few hundred people that are listening to my podcast, the few thousand people on my email list. It's comfortable, and yet I feel like God is asking me to branch out, to move out. Those are things that identify when you're self limiting. Ask yourself, what is the good thing trying to come through? The third thing I want to mention is that he talked about breathing to calm yourself or to overcome fear and anxiety. I tried it and I really think it helps. So he said, fear. And this is from Gay Hendricks. He's the author of the book the Big Leap. But he was saying that fear is basically excitement without breath. So it's like you're holding your breath. So if you breathe. And he said, take three deep breaths, like an accordion. So, you know, imagine three to four seconds in.

Three to four seconds out.

He said, do that at least three times and you should begin to feel yourself calming down. He said, it's one way we can use our bodies, the bodies God has given us to get back to a peaceful place. And so the breathing is so important. I was talking to my sister today, and she's a counselor, and she said she heard someone talking on a podcast about doing this, but doing it with the Jesus prayer, or you could call it the breath prayer, just says, jesus, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. So she said, you know, while you're breathing in, Jesus, son of God, and then while you breathe out, have mercy on me, a sinner. Now, you can do this with any kind of scripture, prayer, affirmation. So my mom, I was talking to her again also this morning, and she said you could use Psalm 23 and just say, he restores as you're breathing in, he restores and you're actually thinking it. And then as you breathe out my soul, he restores.

My soul. So the breathing and I've noticed and this week I was more stressed with the stuff going on and the problems I was having that I tend to hold my breath when I'm stressed out or when I have that fear or anxiety come over me. So remembering to breathe can be so critical. Like I'd already mentioned with the upper limiting when you have success, when you publish your book, when you reach number one Amazon bestseller, as your business grows, as you're getting speaking engagements, as you start growing, as you start getting successes, you may have self sabotage creep in to keep you in that comfortable place. My husband and I took a big leap a little over four years ago and I quit my job as a physical therapist in the last four years. It has been both amazing and really, really hard financially. So we have sometimes barely paid our bills. God has provided. We always have what we need, but we don't always have what we want. It's been very difficult and yet it's been what I've known. I've been working so many hours trying to just make ends meet to get to a point that is actually where you can breathe financially again. It actually feels a little uncomfortable for me. I can't wait. I mean, I'm so looking forward to that and I think we're going to hit that here in the next few months. But sometimes when you start changing and things start going forward, there might be that self sabotage to keep you in that comfortable place. Another affirmation you could say, and this was from my mom, was I choose to be peaceful. I feel peaceful. I am peaceful.

And then do your breaths. I choose to be peaceful. I feel peaceful. I am peaceful. If you're interested in this topic, I do recommend the book the Big Leap and just working through. What are some of the things holding you back? What are some of those things that are holding you back from reaching your goals? One of the things I love more than anything is helping people cross the finish line, reach big goals, get their book published, build a business, reach their audience. And yet I know over and over and over again I see this creeping in. I'm right there with you. We are a work in progress, aren't we? Can I get an amen for that? We're a work in progress and God continues to teach me things and continues to take me deeper. My mom is a counselor and she has talked about how it's like an onion. There's different layers of the onion and sometimes you feel like you've taken care of something and you've dealt with it and then there's another layer and another layer. Love to take you to the next level. I'd love to take you to reaching your goals. I would love to help you reach those goals this next year. And one of the ways that I am able to do that is through our virtual planning retreat. It's free four hours December 15th from 10am to 2pm Mountain time. I'm going to take you through, step by step, how to prioritize and how to really make your goals doable and actionable. And so that you can cross that finish line next year. I encourage you to keep shining.

Thanks for listening to this episode of of the Author Audience Show. Connect with us online@authoraudience.com where you'll find all the resources mentioned in today's episode. While you're there, grab Shelley's free video training on how to write and publish your book using her six Step Ascent method. Join us again next week to learn how to reach your audience with your message.