In 3 Months of INNER COMPASS MASTERY Maanasee won over Anxiety & Helplessness!!

Hi, Mansi. Hi, how are you today?

I'm good, how are you?

Very well, great. So let's get started. If you can give a brief introduction about yourself, which level you are in at the Super Parenting Hub, and what do you do, and what problem actually led you to start, um, you know, our community and parenting, parent coaching.

So I'm from Mumbai and I have a 13-year-old teenager who is ready to take the world and ready to take me out. So I've been overall facing a lot of drama since post-COVID is when I'd say, you know, so COVID, the kids got worked up over access to the internet, mobile, and overdose of the parents also. And yeah, so that's when the acting up of my teenage, who was 10 at that time, but yeah, started off. And dire dire, you know, I'm trying and things like that, but it was just not working. I was getting too overworked. I was getting too anxious about things. You know, I would literally have anxiety attacks because of course overdose of the whole family and Tanya working up on some or the other thing would happen. So those were those stages. I was trying personally to calm her out, calm myself out. But it was not working. So then is when, you know, I said, okay, now I need to just take a grip of my own life. And I came across Sidhika Goenka and her ads and stuff, and I said, okay, I'll give that a try. So I did her workshop first, and I was super impressed. Um, so I had also tried another parenting course, uh, but that I felt was still not up to the mark. I felt Sidhika Goenka's qualification was showing through her teaching and her words. The how qualified she is, it would come across, and that was what I wanted. I needed someone who was qualified to help me out. Then I also realized I will be taking help for myself and not my daughter. I am the one who needs the change. I need to learn to cope with a teenage daughter. So those were my mental thoughts when I decided, yes, I'm going ahead with it.

And how do you think, you know, teenage parenting is different from younger parenting when your child is 5 or 6? And when do you think a parent needs help, like a mother needs to, you know, say, now I need to learn these techniques?

So I feel it's vastly different. So I— my girl, my baby was, you know, she used to be the hugging person, she used to be the asking person. But with time, or with maybe because of me also, of course, you know, maybe at that time because of work you'd push your child away, do things your way, or don't keep asking me, or don't bug me, you know. I would say things like that because I was not guided. Now I know better. I shouldn't have done all of those things. But yeah, so those were those moments and times in her younger age, 5, age 7, wala stage. If I had learned to handle a child better at that stage, I would have been in a much better situation. Now, with a teenage girl who herself doesn't want the hug, who herself doesn't want the opinion of the parent, who herself would rather shut the door on my face and spend time with her friends on the internet or herself, do anything and everything but stay away from me. So now it's turned into that situation. So yes, everyone needs the help and needs it much sooner. 5 onwards is definitely the time.

So you think as soon as your child turns 5, you need to learn the communication tools, the scripts, because the old techniques of, you know, shouting or nagging or forcing don't seem to work?

They don't work at all. You know, of course, we learn off our parents, although You know, whatever the parenting they must have done was so long ago for us also. Now we are 40s, but whatever little that we remember or we see around or we see on a TV or a friend or acquaintance, you know, we may copy that off. Or it's just a bad day for us, or multiple bad days for us, and we behave badly with our children. Yeah, all those work against us for our own future. It just goes downhill. So yeah, it did go downhill, I'll say, for me at some or the other portion. And then the COVID portion was another major downhill. So too many downhills happened and my teenager was away from me, which is improving now, thank God. So yeah.

And you know, I wanted to just ask you, a lot of mothers feel, oh, we should not ask for help. You know, it's like a taboo to ask for help. Why should we kind of clean our dirty laundry you know, in public, or why should we learn parenting? Like, who learns parenting? And do you have anything to say for that?

So, so, you know, um, it— that was the old way of thinking. Things have changed, I would say, even for myself. So I knew I was going through crazy anxiety things. It was one whole year of me trying to get a grip on everything, trying to get a grip on my life. Trying to get a grip on her life, or maybe still trying to control things which I don't need to control. Now I know that I don't need to control it, but there's just so much that your head really is ready to explode. And yes, you have to figure out ki when you need the help. Maybe I would say I took help even 1 year later, you know. I was realizing things are not going my way my health, my head, everything was not— I did take small steps, maybe a big leap at that time. If I would have come across Sidhika Goenka at that time, I would have taken the bigger leap. But that's genuinely old school thinking of not taking help. It is 100% better to take the help, help your own self. Your own health improves, your head improves, your health improves. And then you stop blaming others for the mistakes you're doing, because there are mistakes happening. There are small, small multiple mistakes which you do, which you don't realize that they are mistakes also. This is fine, I'm saying so, but that's not— it is our own mistake. So we realize that with time, and help is needed, and we should take the help, definitely.

Yeah, awesome. And you mentioned, you know, you reversed your health, you reversed anxiety attacks. Would you be able to elaborate on that? How did you manage to actually reverse the anxiety that you were getting a few years back?

So initially, I started with basic meditation and gratitude. Those were the two things I had a gauge of. Then I met Sidhika Goenka, who taught me steps for it, you know, basically the three-step method of letting go, choosing better. That was one which helps a lot. Then recently, she's taught us the six-step ritual of the day, which helps such a lot, forgiving a lot of people. So, you know, because there will always be—

like, I mean, because YouTube and internet frankly has it all, right? You write down a question, you will get 100 answers. Why did you choose to come to me? And, you know, why did you say, okay, I'm willing to spend money on something that is already available for free in the market, to be honest?

The meditation is available, but the right way of grounding yourself and moving ahead, that was taught by Sidhika Goenka. Affirmations are available, but the way of doing one and for how long and how much, that is taught. And the visualization was added on, which I did not know of before.

So more structured, more like a, you know, step 1, step 2, rather than jumping to step 10, right? So what are the 3 benefits that you've experienced when you joined Super Parenting Hub as a result of the parenting and the life coaching sessions?

So basically, I started with self, um, self-change, you know, basically enlighten my own self and what I can do for myself. So the first thing I remember was, uh, you know, uh, so of course become a lifelong learner was the biggest one, that yes, I don't— I'm not going to be stopping this. I need to keep learning, keep upgrading myself. With any kind of education, and get back to my old hobbies was one. Those were the things. Then there was mirror talk, which I was taught, and, you know, and cut the crap. Cut the crap is like a major one in me. Every time that, you know, you hear way too many opinions or way too many thoughts of your own running in your head, like, cut the crap. So just cut the crap was a major one. Yeah, which I learned. Mirror talk was one, and every one negative thought, replace it by 5 positive thoughts. These were the techniques which Sidhika keeps teaching us, and it's just amazing.

And what are the results of these techniques? So you've learned a lot of techniques, but what have you seen? How do you feel now in your own self? How do you feel?

I used to get too worked up with any comment coming out of my husband or my mother-in-law. So now I know better. Those things are not in my control. So hear it off, and then I can choose better. I can cut the crap out. I can choose better, cut the crap, and if anything is making me feel negative, I can replace it with my own positive thoughts. So then that way I don't transfer my own negative aura or energy to my daughter, which used to happen, you know. Which happens very easily, I transfer it to her, then she gets pissed off and she transfers double the amount back to me, and our whole day would just go in continuous arguments all day. Yeah, that's how it had turned into. So I changed my own aura, my own family ethos, and the words that Sidhika Goenka keeps teaching us. So I changed those things And then in return, of course, you know, it starts reflecting off her. My energy starts reflecting off from her, and she's become calmer. Of course, there will be those teen blowout moments. No, Mama, I want to just do this. I want to get out. Let me step out for this. So things of those will keep coming up, but I know better now to handle them more calmly, understand her, understand her thinking. The teenage brain is, as we are taught, yeah. So that.

And so if you can give me 3 adjectives to describe the before Mansi and the 3 adjectives to describe the now Mansi, maybe in the, you know, 6-8 months of transformation, what would they be?

So I was very anxious. That was my personal anxiety. So that's changed to much calmer me.

So anxious to calmer. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I would react.

I would be reactive.

Yeah, the first thing comes on my tongue, I would just say it out. Now I respond. I breathe, pause, and respond.

So reactive to more mindful responses, if I may say.

Yeah. Uh, what else was the old me? Huh, I would get triggered. So the triggers have now reduced quite a bit. There'll still be a trigger in my heart or my head, but I'll be able to calm it down, okay, and then deal with it. Yeah, let's take 5 minutes and then think of an answer. You know, I'll tell Tanya, give me 5 minutes to figure out, and then I'll tell you what.

So is it fair to say that you don't get affected by other people as much, especially people you love? You know, your daughter, your husband, your family— these are the people we love the most, and we feel that the more we love them, we should get affected by them. But you know what, Vice versa is true, right? If you love these people, you should not get actually affected by these people.

True.

Yeah. So do you feel somewhere that your love has increased actually because you're not getting affected by their words? Your love for them is actually increasing. It's becoming a lot more, um, you know, selfless, a lot more all-encompassing.

Yeah, I would say it's because my anger level has also reduced in this whole bargain. So instead of displaying only anger, now I am able to display my love, my care. And so I would still do those sacrifices previously also, but then gusse meh hota hai sacrifices at times. Now I do those things and I'm not angry, you know, I'm okay. I am able to think of the flip side. Don't think of the negative side, think of the positive that I'm getting out of every situation. So I'm able to achieve that better. Yeah, I still— the basic things I'm still doing the same. I would still go out of the way to do things. I would still help her out in things a little bit, maybe still pampering her out. This is still my time with her, so I would do things for her. But I would not jatao it as much or make her feel as much. Yeah, so yeah, things have changed from my side. Yeah, and I see it coming, it reflects back from her side also now.

Yeah, and do you feel a lot more powerful now rather than, you know, a lot of times mothers especially, we have a tendency of feeling victimized, right? Because we are the ones who are doing more. Let's face it, we're doing it, we're doing more than our husbands. We're more present at home, we have a lot more responsibility, we're looking after our husband's parents, we're looking after our children. So obviously we are doing a lot more, and it's very natural to sometimes feel, oh my God, you know, I am doing everything, and it's natural to feel frustrated about it. Definitely. How do you feel about that?

So yes, definitely my frustration and anger level both would go together has reduced. Uh, so there would still be moments that I would feel, you know, I am the one who is with her 24/7, the whole day. So let me choose my battles, and I don't want to say anything for this one.

Yeah.

And you know, because the husband said, why are you not saying? I said, no, it needs to be her taking those decisions.

Yeah.

So that comes— so now all this wise comments come out of me. Before, I would just simply react, why don't you go and say something? Why me? And, you know, create a quarrel out of us. So the quarrels have reduced. Yeah, yeah.

And yeah, and you've become more assertive, maybe in a firm— in a nicer way, you know, without the anger, without the frustration, right?

Yeah, yeah. I do know. So when I— I'm able to tell her also to choose her words better. Because there were words— a teenage girl's words can hurt you hard, really hard. So, but now I know better not to get hurt with those words because they really don't mean it, they're just flowing out of their mouth.

Yeah.

And so I also realized, because I would say previously, previous 10 years maybe, you know, words would flow out of my mouth so easily, is what she has learned. So she has to also undo those things. Unlearn those things along with me. So it's, it's a both-way learning process.

Absolutely.

She would still say those words because she's still the teenager who's maybe not ready to learn, but I am, I am more knowledgeable now, so I do not get hurt. Pinch wah, but pause yourself out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. And to talk about your 13-year-old, you know, what changes have you seen and heard? So especially, you know, most mothers are looking for changes like reduction of screen better choices, you know, studying more, more goal-oriented. These are the things mothers want in their children when they join the program, right? They want the child to be more future-ready. So if you can tell us, especially in these areas of her life, what kind of difference have you seen in your growing child?

So, um, so obviously, as I said, you know, shut door and move me out was the stage that we were at. Uh, but now, you know, uh, when I ask her for a hug, she would come give me a hug. Now that was, you know, she would, she would rather put her hand in between when I would come to hug her. It was that bad a stage. Now she gives me a hug. Now she herself comes and gives me a hug also. Those are those few moments I get that also. That's, that's her personal connection. So those are now there. She herself asks me for advice, which was not there before. Then there are things like she went on a school trip and she bought something for all of us, grandparents and me and everyone, which was a shocker because so, you know, and I do that for everyone when I'm traveling. So it's out of role modeling that she's learning. So I see that and it pleased me, you know, I was like, yes. And I was asking her, how did you feel? Yeah, so at that moment she couldn't, but when— say anything, she's like, what, nothing, you know. But when her— when she gave something to her grandfather and the surprise on her grandfather and the pleasure on his face, and then when she came back to the room and she was like, that felt nice, right? And she was like, yeah, you know, the emotional change. So she could relate, and that's when I could see emotions So yeah, so that was another one.

Super. And what about, you know, so academics, classes? Because most mothers at this age say, my child is not doing anything. They want to just jump from one class to another. They don't want to go to tuitions. They don't want to do their homework. They don't, you know, they're not— there's no purpose, there's no self-motivation to study. Did you see any kind of change in that?

So, um, So I had been— she was going a little downhill on her math, and I kept asking her, do you need the extra help, a tutor, someone? She kept refusing. It's been the whole year of 8th grade, she refused. But in December is when she realized, and we needed to search for someone for her 9th and 10th. Uh, initially she kept refusing for the trial classes, but then one day she herself told me, okay, let's go for this trial class. So we did 2 sets of trial classes. She was agreeable to go for them, although on the first day, again, while leaving, you know, there was this apprehension and, you know, tallowing the time and not moving to go. We were getting late for the class, but I get it. I get it a little later, but I think, chalo, we need to move. So she did those, she liked, then she got used to because she'd done no tuition before. So meeting a new tutor itself was something, a change for her. Every step is a change. Sitting in a class with people was a change, other than the school. But you know, school, you're used to your set of 20 people, they're there with you. So that was a change which she accepted. Then she herself chose which of the two she wanted as a tutor, so she was open. Then she took the help for her 8th grade exams also. She She went to the teacher, she took the extra class, took the help, and her response to "I love math" was like outstanding. I was on cloud nine because she had turned into "I hate math." Yeah, just I think one session or two sessions with that teacher and "I love math." So she went from "I hate maths" to "I love maths." Correct. So that's the change.

Wow.

Wow. A good teacher can do really something. Absolutely. It's basically that, finding the right teacher. Yeah, and she herself chose it, so she was ready to go for the teacher.

Exactly. So Mansi, how would you describe her in 3 adjectives before you started parenting coaching and after that?

Yeah, so she has become more open to suggestions.

Okay, so before, yeah, what would we say?

No to everything.

Okay, so no to everything to being open to suggestions.

Yeah, um, she, her decision can still be a no only. Sure, she'll hear you out and then, okay, maybe, and then a no or a yes, which is hearing you out. That's the change. Uh, being more thoughtful, that came through the trip thing that she got something for all of us. I thought that was amazingly thoughtful of her. Yeah, which she would never give a second thought. Okay. And yeah, thoughtful, thoughtful and concerned. I've seen a lot. She went out with her brothers, bought me an ice cream, which only me, so she would never do that. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I was kind of needing to reschedule today and she was like, 'Nay, you don't cancel, drop me off early to someone,' you know. Yeah, that was also thoughtful enough of her.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Uh, what else am I seeing? Um, what else? So she was always— study-wise, she would study when she wanted to study, but itna bura hal bhi nahi tha padhaye mein. But now she makes better planning of your day.

And you know, that is a big thing because teenagers don't plan their day at all. I know so many mothers keep struggling with that. And you know, once you learn the tools and techniques you can teach your child to better plan their days, and it obviously comes by connection.

Correct. So it's not, I would say, not 100% success on that level. It's still a learning process. Yeah, like today only, she's— because her now classes are starting, so she was like, Mama. I said, so how will you plan your day? Yeah, okay, I will come back at 2, and then I said, then what? Then she looked at me, lunch. I said, okay, lunch. Yeah, then we kept, okay, then what? And then she said, I'll do the little homework, and then yeah. For the class, you know. So she's also trying to figure out, it's in the process, but yeah.

Superb, superb. And, um, why would you recommend Inner Compass Parenting at Super Parenting Hub to somebody else who might be on the fence, you know, not wanting to spend money, being little worried about the time that it takes, you know? Because we as human beings, we're just very resistant to change. We want results, we all want results. But jab hame kuch change karna hota hai, it's difficult to make that decision, right? So what would you say to the other mothers who really want this for themselves, for their child, for their family, but are not able to kind of take that decision?

So for starters, I would definitely say start sooner. At age 5, 6, 7 will be the best stage because your child will listen to you. Yeah, at teenage it's been slow, slow and tough for me, but it's happening. Of course, with all the subconscious training and everything, you know, she has zillions of tools that you have which are so, so, so helpful. Ek nahi toh dusra kaam kari jata hai wala situation. Yes, all of those help. And moreover, it is more of self-development for me, I would say that. When I change, I see the change around me. Yeah, I was the one who needed change. You know, right now you'll feel, why doesn't she change? Why doesn't he change? Why doesn't my mother-in-law change? Why doesn't the whole world give me a break? Exactly your frustration. But the world doesn't need to give you a break. You need to give yourself the break. And that break is taking help from you, Sidhika Goenka Goenka. And it helps so, so, so much.

Thank you.

And the cost, okay, you'll feel the pinch of a huge cost, but remember it's lifelong. If you start at age 5 or even 10, it is going to help you till age 20 for your child. Yeah, then, then the next stage will still continue for your own self-development.

Exactly.

You have a long life which that amount is going to be helping you, so it is totally, totally worth it. Like I, I did the, uh, calculations with the psychologist and how much he would take me for 10 sessions also. And 10 sessions versus this for a lifelong is nothing. So yeah, and you make so many friends, you meet so many people, the support system is so amazing, the mothers are so amazing.

Thank you.

It's, it's everywhere.

And I feel in today's world, I've been seeing this more and more, everybody needs a counselor. You know, just a counselor who can help them upgrade the quality of their life. Like, we all need it. Without a counselor, we just kind of get so lost and confused because of the internet. Exactly right. Stagnant thoughts, comparison, because Instagram is showing only the beautiful part of everybody's life. What about the sad moments, the bad parts? Nobody is showing that. And when you have these bad moments, you start wondering, is something wrong with me? 'Everybody else is having a great time with their teenager or in their own life. I am not,' right?

So like, the world is against you.

Exactly. 'What's everything wrong in my life only?' But exactly, you get a reality check when you go to a coach or a counselor and they tell you, 'You know what, you're absolutely right. You just need the tools to do better for yourself.' And we all need tools, you know, just like in any area of life, you need tools for everything, right? So these are parenting tools and life tools that we all need. Right, superb. Anything else that you would like to share with all the people that are watching? Anything else that has really benefited you? One area of your life that you truly feel very happy with right now, specifically?

Yeah, so I used to always also declare myself as an emotional person, and I was like the cryy person, you know, kisi ne kuch keh diya, or usame ya baad mein mere tarouna chhuj jata tha. That had become my personality, but I was able to overcome that also. And I realized that with an incident happening in the last month, and I did not cry, and I was able to finish off the incident and go to sleep as calm as ever. Otherwise, I would literally somehow sleep for some duration, raat ko utke walking around in the room because it was working up in my head. Yeah, those are my usual steps, you know. The whole night ruined. When you realize your night is ruined, your morning gets worse and everything. It's all the cycle. But so much of myself has changed, and I, I really love the new me, you know. Even if I— there will be lows, there will be moments. There are these, uh, parents-in-law not being well and extra time going there. Not being able to pay attention to a few things. My hobbies are down the drain as of now. Thik hai, this is a moment, this is a phase, this shall pass too, and I will get back to it.

It's a hobby. And can you share maybe any one negative habit that you have really broken through our platform?

Yeah, so I felt this emotional thing was one which I gazed. My anxieties, I don't get anxious enough. Wow, that has changed these two personally. Amazing. Yeah, and towards Tanya, I would say, um, yeah, I'm not that reactive enough. The reaction still comes in my head, but I'm able to keep quiet.

Yeah, and that's what your teenager needs, right? You trust her maybe more, like she feels that you trust her because you don't react. Yeah, at least outside, you know, you may be reacting in your head.

I would still say that's a little bit of a growing stage of trust. Still more I have to more belief, which I'm able to. I let go, I allow her out. Okay, go out. But then I do, as a parent, I do end up asking her those questions— where, what, when, timing. Those are basics which she also has to get used to. I will give you permission, but yeah, the questions will follow. Yeah, those are still there. Uh, yeah, she knows, she knows a lot of words which I use as gratitude and consequence. She knows I am working on myself, so she appreciates that. She knows that Mama is trying to make changes in herself, so she also makes those changes in herself.

Amazing.

Yeah, it's there.

And if you were to rate yourself in your overall quality of life, let's say health, wealth, mindset, family, relationships, parenting, —before and after, like you're sharing, where would you say that you stand now?

I would say I was at a 2 or a 3, maybe, because it would be— if I'm doing better at one end, I would be down at the other end. So that was constantly happening. Now I'm definitely at an 8 or a 9. In all areas of your life? Yeah, pretty much. So not 10, because of course there's still scope, I know. Yeah, so I'm not 10 yet, but definitely an 8 at all areas. Yeah, superb, superb.

And how much time do you think it took you? If you were to say that, how long did it take you to get changed?

It took me time because maybe, yeah, personally I'm a slow learner. I was really downhill, uh, and of course it's 40 years training for my own, uh, mindset which I needed to change. So 40 years for me and 13 years for Tanya. So it's, it's a slow process. It, it happened slow for me, but I do see so much changes in the group. I see so many moms and they get success so well and so fast, and I feel so happy for them. And yeah, and a little slow for me, but fast for me.

And that's what neuroplasticity is, right? The older we get, the harder it becomes to break patterns, to break habits. To break anything that is kind of blocking our success, right? Younger we are, easier it is, especially once we go to perimenopause and menopause, it really becomes hard to change habits. Yeah, right. So what is the last, last question I'm going to ask you? The last piece of advice you would like to give everybody who is interested in truly living a better life with themselves and for their family?

So my advice is don't think twice. You, you want the change in your life, then bring the change in yourself. And that is with the help, of course. You can't just magically do it. You need the help. Everyone needs a help. Each— send a child to the school to change, educate, and we spend the money also. So we do that for a child, we can do that for ourselves. We can change ourselves and change our life and our surroundings. So we do invest in ourselves. So go ahead, do it, and it will only be beneficial. There is no other way. There is— it went down, you know, ki paise waste ho gaya, ya mere mahina, ya time waste ho gaya, woh toh hona hi nahi hai. You've given the money and you've given the time, and the change will, will, will come.

And for mothers who are scared, how much time? Matlab, is it a lot of time? Aapne kitne aayenge a day? What do you think? What is the minimum time that they can give and get results?

So initially, so that you cover up the courses faster, 1 hour is max. And then when you get better with it, and when I am well-versed and I'm doing a revision too for it, 20 minutes is more than enough. Yeah, sure. Initially you give in a little bit more.

Yeah, it depends on your seriousness also, right? Your desire. If you're very serious about it, you will spend more time. And if you're not very serious, you'll spend less time. So it depends on how much you want something, how badly do you want it, right?

And actually, the thing is, as soon as you start seeing the success in the tiniest of things, then you will realize, why let me just give in that extra 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, it'll help me only. So that comes in, that really does.

Superb. And then instead of, you know, wasting your time on Star+ or Netflix or other things, scrolling, Scrolling the social media. Yeah, shopping. You start doing this, which actually kind of makes you feel—

because you can negotiate the work, you know, pass on the work, finish your work, you'd hurry up, do the work faster, and you can remove that time. It's just about that. Yeah, before the child comes back home, you know, figure out that extra 1 hour. And you will be able to do it. And the success that you see, now uske baad toh you feel addicted to it. You have to come back.

The addiction is much more. Superb. And Mansi, I know I want to share with everybody, Mansi is somebody who's been going back to our recordings, even the live classes that she's attended. She keeps going back to that. And do you see a change in that old picture, Mansi, in the video, and the Mansi that you see now when you're watching that video?

Definitely, definitely. I would— I see a few of my low moments on those and how much it has helped me and how much of a changed person I am. I can see the change in me.

Yeah, superb, awesome, Mansi. More, more, more power to you. Keep embracing yourself and every challenge is just gonna help you. All the skills, all the tools that you're learning are gonna truly help you make the most of every moment of your life. All my very best to you. Thank you so much.