What To Do When Your Child Has A Crush / BF / GF ?

Hi everyone, welcome back to Parenting Teenagers with Sidhika Goenka. I'm an Inner Compass Mentor, a strengths-focused psychologist, and a parenting teenagers coach. I basically help parents bring out the best in their 7 to 18-year-old child by connecting with them more and really building a very powerful personality that is going to help them like— all right, let's talk about a tough yet very important topic today. What to do if your child has a boyfriend or a girlfriend? I'm gonna give you two basic points here. Number one is your child comes and tells you, you know, this is a boy or a girl and I like them. And number two is you know that they like somebody or they are in a relationship with somebody, but they don't come and tell you. Let's talk about how we need to respond to our children so that they make healthy decisions. Without deciding for our children. In today's temptation-filled, gadget-addicted world, the number one thing that your child needs from you is connection. Because your child will make a lot of mistakes, but they need to always know at the back of their mind, oh my God, I made a mistake, I need to call my mom up right now. They need to be so comfortable sharing their mistake with you because that is what will help them succeed in life. So my number one question to you is, are you that parent where a child makes a mistake, the first thing that they think of is, oops, I made a mistake, I need to call my mama up right now? If you are, congratulations, you have won the biggest battle of teenage parenting. And if you're not, don't worry about it. In this video, I will give you a step-by-step way to become your child's confidant, the first thing that you need to do is stop asking them too many questions. Just be interested, no judgment, no questions, because your child will sense it. And second time around, when they have to share something with you, they will just not share it with you, right? So usually most children, for the first time, they come and share it with their parents and they test how their parents react. If their parents are very judgmental, very explanation-oriented, they just back off. And after this, it will take them a lot of time to share their mistakes, their decisions with you again. So the first time your child shares something very important with you, make sure you are absolutely neutral, absolutely 100% listening to your child actively with calmness on your face. The second thing that you need to do is no questions, no interrogation. The goal is to understand their perspective without your conclusions. Just ask them, "I'd love to know more about this. Would you like to share it with me? Tell me more," with smiles, with open body language, showing that you really care and you love your child. Number 3, you need to discuss values with your child. So you can discuss things like, um, you know, honesty, love, care, respect are very important in life, are very important in friendships and in relationships. When you do this, your child is thinking, you know, is this person loving to me? Are they respectful to me? Because honestly, at some point of time, your child will get into a romantic relationship with somebody. You cannot stop them, but you can just make them aware of what a healthy relationship is. Model a healthy relationship. Number 5, Set gentle boundaries. Always tell your child, I want your safety first. You are safe, that is most important to me. So ask your child, what can we do so that you're safe, right? It's, it's okay to get into relationships, to have friendships, to have fun, but do it with boundaries. The goal of setting boundaries is showing to your child that you care about their safety, and these boundaries are not there to to trouble your children. You know, a lot of times children resist or rebel deadlines and boundaries. You need to set it very respectfully so that you can enjoy this teenage phase that you are in, along with me enjoying the teenage phase that you are in, without me getting scared for you, right? Without me feeling worried about you. So when you explain to them respectfully, showing that you truly care about your child 100%, and nothing is more important than your child's safety. I have noticed this with my own kids. They understand, you know. We need to remember this as parents. We don't need to dominate our children. We need to support our child's growth. If you're finding this useful, make sure you comment under in the video how you liked it, what you found useful, and make sure you keep sharing this with other parents who have children of this age. Number 6, a very important thing that you need to do to make your child think about the decision that they have made. You need to ask a few questions later, maybe after the first 15 minutes of the conversation, that are related to the situation without judgment. Ask questions like, what do you like most about them? What do they do that makes you very, very happy? How does this person make you feel? When you ask questions about the relationship in a neutral way, you are showing to your child that you you truly care about them and you truly want their best. It helps them reflect on the relationship. You know, a lot of times children get into relationships out of pressure, so these kind of questions help them think about whether they really like this, um, boy or girl, or whether they're just doing this because it's the trend or it's pressure. Another very important thing that you must do with your child, especially when, um, there is something you don't like about this person that they have a crush on or that they are in a relationship with, focus on the behaviors of that person, not the person himself. So for example, if you've noticed this friend being disrespectful, being rude, or, you know, being late to school, not being interested in studying, or not, not having too many goals in their life, you can actually very gently talk to your child about this. But remember, you can only do this when you have built connection with your child. So when you have done the first 6 steps, only then can you do the 7th step, right? And the 7th step is where you can say something like, I notice they tend to be quite passive, or they tend to be quite laid back, or, you know, this boy or girl doesn't have too many goals. How does that make you feel? This is a very important question, and this is like a deal breaker. When you ask your child something like this, you know, I notice that this boy is very rude to the teachers. How does that make you feel? When you ask these questions, your child does not take you as his enemy, and your child actually thinks about what you are sharing with him, what you are talking to them about. Your goal is to make your child think about their decision. Your goal is not to take the decision for your child, right? So these kind of questions are making your child think, am I making the right decision? Is there something that I am not seeing? Mama's actually, you know, saying the truth. She is telling me the right thing. Should I still be in a relationship with them? Should I still, um, you know, be so interested in them? Their brain is constantly working, and that is your goal as a parent. Step number 8, another very important thing that you must do with your child when they have shared that they have a relationship with somebody, it is letting them make the decision. Talk about family values, talk about yourself, talk, ask them these questions, and at the end of the Conversations— say, "I trust you 100%. I believe in you 100%, and I love you 100%. I'm gonna support your decision, and always know that I'm gonna be there with you, standing by you, supporting you. Even if you've made a mistake, it's all right. We'll all learn through our mistakes." Ultimately, let them feel like they are in control. They are in the driver's seat of the choices they make. Even if the choice backfires, they're not scared to share it with you. You know, normalize mistakes, normalize bad decisions. It's okay. That's how we learn, right? Talk to them about safety, about boundaries, but normalize mistakes, right? Always remember, every human being has hungry eyes and hungry ears. They want to feel heard. They want to feel cared for and listened to. And when we do this, when we respect our child's choices, children start loving us more. The trust, the bond between us and our teenager actually deepens, increases, and it becomes a very beautiful, powerful bond, right? So use this opportunity when your child is sharing their crush or their relationship. Use this opportunity actually as a strengthening, um, seed between you and your child. And you know what, I want to share a very important fact with you. Children between 7 to 18, their negative memories have a bigger space in their brain than positive memories. If you have overruled their decision, they will remember it, and when they remember it, next time they will not share, and that is a bigger worry, right? I hope this helps. I hope this was useful. Use the 8-step method to connect more with your child, to build a deeper connection, a deeper bond with your child so that it lasts for forever. Okay, I hope you enjoyed this. Make sure you save this video because all of us are going to be facing this at some point of our lives where our children do something that we don't approve of and how to handle it fully so that your relationship doesn't compromise. This opportunity is actually an opportunity to increase and to strengthen your relationship with your child. When your child shares something with you that you don't like It's your best chance to build your child's trust, to make your child feel, Mama, Papa love me the most in this world. So my request to you is, don't lose out on this chance. I hope this helps. So I invite you to truly build the best relationship between you and your 7 to 18-year-old. Have a great day. Bye.