4 Barriers to Communication That are Limiting Your Results

Foreign welcome to the Agent Leader podcast. My name is Brent Kelly, your host. Thanks for joining me for another episode. And if you are an agent leader looking for greater clarity, consistency and commitment, guess what? This is the podcast for you. And today I'm going to be talking about an area of leadership, an area of influence that is so absolutely critical for, for you, not just to communicate with others around you. Now, when I say communicate, I think communication. There's a lot of different forms and levels of communication, some of it good, most of it not so good that what I see out there in the world and what I see certainly with agencies and producers, that we don't spend enough time thinking and working on this vital skill of communication. But I really want to take it a step further today in the podcast and talk about how connection. I've mentioned this before, I've done some keynotes around it is that, you know, you can either convince people or try to convince people, or you can connect with people and there's a huge difference. And if you're, you know, an agency leader listening to this and whether you are leading your agency so your agency team, you want to not just communicate, but how do I connect with them so I can have greater influence that we get greater buy in. If you're a sales manager and you're leading a team of producers, same same thing if you are a service professional or produce or someone working directly with clients and future ideal clients. I mean, think of the difference of the relationships that you have when you're not just communicate, right? Here's something I'm saying or I'm kind of half listening, but let me really connect with you. The difference of the type of relationship, the quality of relationship and the results that you get. Now, certainly when you think of communication, we think of connection, we think of influence. I think it's more noticeable, at least in my world, now more than ever. And I'm going to spend this podcast, our focus is for agency leaders. So I'm going to be giving agency examples and producer examples and all those kind of things today when I talk about communication and connection. But I do want to take just a minute to kind of give a bigger perspective to this. I mean, to say that 2020 has been an interesting year is probably putting it lightly. I'm guessing you listening to this, you may have some different words than Interesting for 2020, but just a lot of things that have obviously happened and continue to happen. And I'm not here to dive into all the different areas of that that wouldn't be Serving you well in this podcast, think there has been an obvious theme, at least that's come to me. And as I was preparing for this podcast and thinking about how I want to deliver value to you and talk about some of the reasons why we don't connect specifically from an agency perspective, I think certainly we're seeing this big picture in our country and our culture and our communities. Maybe you struggled with some of these things in your marriage, whatever it may be, but the idea is the fact that we as a people have done and continue to do a really poor job of true impactful communication and more importantly, as I've already mentioned, connection and to be able to influence each other in a positive and productive way. I think we all know that and we can think of just different areas that probably just pop to your mind. Maybe we have different ones. All of us have unique perspectives, but bottom line is that we don't communicate very well. And so you think about how does this apply and what does this look like for insurance agencies? Well, at Sitkins, we talk in about five key areas of relationship management. So let's just start with that. There are five key areas of relationship management, and these are pretty obvious. But, you know, as we talk with insurance agencies and whether we're running a producer training camp or a service training camp or a sales leadership or a CEO camp that we run for our agencies, these are often missed. Now, relationship management, well, clients, obviously we should be building better relationships with our clients, Future ideal clients, our centers of influence, our insurance carriers, right? Our partners that we work with and our colleagues, the people that we spend time with that are on our team, right? That we are wanting to serve together, right? For the best outcome. So clients, future ideal clients, centers of influence, carriers and colleagues. Which leads to the purpose of this podcast because I'm going to reference those areas. I'm probably not going to reference them all in this podcast. But the bottom line is this. There are four. These are generalized reasons, but I'm going to talk about different aspects. Four reasons, I believe, as a whole, why we struggle to connect as leaders. Now, again, whether you're a leader with your team or with your clients, with your centers of influence, the carriers, whatever it is, if you're trying to make an impact, if you're going to try to gain influence, not by trying to convince people and beating them over the head with your thought, by understanding that if I can connect with you, you will better listen, right? You will better understand. We'll understand together. We will do things together. Now, does this mean it's going to be perfect. Well, of course not. There's always going to be friction, right? There's always going to be aspects of that. But why would we not want to reduce the friction if you're an insurance producer? One of the things that I was taught in my days was like, how do you lower the barriers, lower the walls, right? Whatever it may be. And so I'm going to talk about again, four areas why I think we struggle that are barriers, that are walls for us to better connect with those important to us. So if you are driving a car, don't write this down. If you are sitting at your desk or somewhere where you have a pen and paper, just write down these four areas. And here's what I want you to do. As I go through these four areas where I think leaders and agency insurance professionals struggle to connect, be honest with yourself. You know, one of the things that I have a tendency to doing, I'm raising my hand, is that I will hear something that I know has some aspect that might be true. But I go, yeah, that's not really me, that's other people. So I want you just to think, is this me? And it may not be. As I go through these four areas, one may be more than the other. You may have varying aspects of all of them. You may not have, you know, hardly one in one area and a little bit in the other. It doesn't matter. I just want you to think about how does it apply to you, your life, your business, and more importantly, your communication and connections with those most important to your success. So why don't we connect? So let's start with number one drum roll here, right? And this one's going to be the most obvious. But I want to give some examples that may get you to think a little bit differently. The number one reason that we struggle to connect with each other is assumptions. Assumptions. The idea is that I already pretty much know what you. No, I already know what you think. I already know how you feel. The best example that I can give in this, if any of you are married or in a long term relationship of any kind, this is one of the biggest struggles to communication. In fact, the speaker, author Jerry Ballard, said this. He said, all miscommunications are the result of differing assumptions. And just think about that. When we typically have different assumptions, that's where we miscommunicate. Well, just think some examples in the insurance world. And I'm going to give one quick personal story which is kind of embarrassing. It's been many years ago now, so it's easier to tell, but it's still painful. In my production days as an insurance producer, I had a really nice account that I wrote for many years. And we had a good relationship. At least I thought, right? We had a good relationship. We were very civil. We had pleasant conversations. You know, I'd see him a few times a year. It was a typical generic insurance conversation. We would talk about, you know, basic renewal stuff and all that, talk about the kids a little bit, and then we'd move on. Right? And I've talked to him again in, you know, six months or whatever it may be. That was. That was the truth. That was a relationship. And I remember distinctly one day, this is very memorable to me as I came to my office in the morning and on my desk, which was faxed in to give you an idea, this has been a little while, was faxed in, there was a agent of record, letter change on my desk, that they were going to move to another agent. And I was like, you know, talk about a punch in the gut, right? Like, oh, my. What? What? And I assumed that things were great. I assumed that we were fine. I assumed there was no competition. I could go on and on, but I assumed many things when I called back and had a conversation. And by the way, they're very open and transparent with me on it. I realized there were many things that I assumed that I was completely wrong about that I was completely wrong about. And so do you have situations like that in your life, in your business, where maybe it's a client, maybe it's a future ideal client, you know, like, we'll hear right now of assumptions, certainly through the pandemic. And I know things are starting to open back up, but, you know, I just assume that they're busy. I just assume they don't want to be bothered. This could be true of any time. That could be true. But you're guessing a lot of things that we assume are head trash, right? They're head trash with our insurance carriers. I assume you couldn't write that now, many cases, maybe they can't. But why is the case, you know, for colleagues and if you're an agency leader, please hear me right now. This is so important for culture. I assume that you're happy. I assume that you're fulfilled. I assume that, you know, the process that we're trying to do, right? And then we get upset when things don't happen. Well, it could be a number of reasons, but unless we ask enough questions, unless we really listen, unless we spend quality Time. We are assuming. And you know the phrase of assumption, when you assume something, it makes a what out of you and me, right? We know the answer to that, but it's true. And so just take a second, a minute, whatever it is for you, and go. Are there areas in my agency, me personally, where maybe I've assumed things with clients or future ideal clients? Maybe it's a center of influence out there that you just assume people think certain ways about you that you assume your carriers will do this or won't do that. You assume that people on your team are happy, fulfilled, understand or knowledgeable or educated. We could go on and on and on, but we assume assumption is an absolutely huge barrier. So that's number one. And this is typically one of the biggest things that we see. And here's what I would tell you. This, this is, and I used the marriage example, I think the most challenging assumptions we make and the most painful, the ones that are people that are closest to us. Now just think about that for a second. People that are closest to us because we know them so well. Obviously we know everything. Right? So just think of areas where maybe you make assumptions and are there some course corrections that you might need to make? Right. So number one's assumptions, number two, why we don't connect, why we have barriers or walls to connect is arrogance. Arrogance. I don't really need to know. Now when I say arrogance and you know when it comes out, my guess is that you listening right now are probably not an arrogant person. Now maybe you are, but hopefully not. Most of you are not arrogant. But I don't mean arrogant in the sense you just walk around with an arrogant attitude and you're just mean and condescending to people. It's just this like kind of the inherited arrogance, especially when we look at insurance professionals that we have the knowledge, we have the expertise, we have the training when it comes to certainly with our clients and future ideal clients, even centers of influence that I know more than you do, I know what coverage you need, I know what care is best for you. And by the way, you probably do. But your arrogance and not being open to allow people around you to help them be part of the design. We say this all the time in our, especially in our sales leadership when we're working with sales leaders and producers together. Right. It's really hard to get a buy in. Well, if we don't have people that are part of the design because we're arrogant to what the results should be, it's a bigger challenge. So why I say this to you is try to make life and business easier on yourself. And to do that, it's going to take a little bit of harder work up front. But just think, are there areas where maybe I've been a bit arrogant? Here's the result that we want. So here's what you're going to do. Okay, maybe that's true, but dive a little bit deeper with your clients. No, you don't know. No, no, we're not going to do that. You don't understand. You don't know as much as I do. Again, you should have more knowledge and expertise, obviously. But are there ways that you're coming across arrogant that is diffusing or inhibiting that relationship, which is absolutely vital to your business colleagues? Think about team members. I mean, we have this all the time. And, you know, when I can hear it and see it from a coach and a consultant, quite a bit. But there's just this idea that, well, I am this. I'm a positional leader here, or I do this, I'm a producer here. So therefore, you don't need to worry about it. Right? Those kind of things happens all the time. Now, are there different roles and responsibilities of agencies? We've talked about this before. Of course there are, right? Different. We had different roles, same goal. So, yes, there's roles and responsibilities, and we need to be respectful to everyone. I agree with all of that. But there is many cases of agencies, there's a level of arrogance that goes on, and it causes friction. It causes people not to perform at their highest level. Whether you think that's fair or not, it's true. It causes cultural disruption. Right? There's a lot of things that goes on. This is a huge thing. So number two is arrogance. And again, just think to yourself, you, well, I'm not arrogant, Brent. Well, maybe you're not. I hope you're not. I don't feel that I'm arrogant, but I have done arrogant actions. Let me just say it that way. I don't believe that I'm arrogant. I try not to come across arrogant. I don't want to think that I'm above anyone. I've tried to value everybody. But there are things when I get into my wheelhouse where, because I know it and I've done it so long, I'm like, you don't know anything. Right? And so we just have to. We have to watch out for that behavior. Number three. So I talked about assumption, arrogance. Number three, barrier to you being a better connector, getting better results is indifference. Now I don't need to spend much time on this one. But indifference is basically this. I don't really care to know. I don't really care to know. And you may go, well, you know, I do care. I do care about people. There's a great quote from Maya Angelou. Angelou. And I've said this quote on other podcasts, I believe, and it's a very popular quote. But people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Well, the best way you can show anyone today that you truly care for them is by giving them a level of time and attention. Sometimes we're indifferent to people and we don't even know it because we think indifference is, well, you know, I'm just going to totally avoid a conversation or not listen to you now. That happens. But indifference could also be looking at your phone when someone's talking to you. Indifference could be saying to everybody, you know, to your best clients. And maybe you don't say this directly, but this is what happens. I know you pay us a lot of money, and I know you're a really valuable client, but I'm just so darn busy all the time that I can't get to you proactively. But if you need anything, we'll give you some basic reactive service, right? We see that all the time in the insurance agency model. So maybe we don't come across directly to be indifferent, but our actions, again, just like I said with arrogance, show that we're indifferent. I've said this before in keynotes, but indifference, you just show that you give people time and attention. But one of my favorite quotes is that silent gratitude is no gratitude at all. So I would add this time, attention and gratitude. When you show people or tell people you're grateful. And it might take a second to walk by someone's desk and say, hey, I just want to let you know I really appreciate what you're doing. To pick up the phone and call your client and say, hey, didn't need anything at all. But I was just thinking about today. I just want to thank you for being a client of ours. Means the world to us. 5 seconds, 3 seconds, 8 seconds. You may have just made that day, that person's day, that person's week, that person's month. You may have kept an account for way longer than you deserve to just because you showed appreciation. Again, there's a lot more that's involved in that. But just think about that for a second. Are there areas in your communication and connection where you've been indifferent. I know I have. I find myself all the time. I mean, when I go through this and review this and see this and then I teach it, it hits me in the face. I'm like, wow, there's areas where I've been indifferent. I need to get better at that because. Why? Well, A, it's the right thing to do, and B, it makes my communication and connection and my influence so much better. Again, make life easier on yourself. Don't make it harder. So here's number four. Talk about assumption, arrogance, indifference. Number four is control. This may seem a little bit weird, but why do we not connect with people in many cases? Because we don't want to let people in. I don't want others to know what I know. I don't want others to know how I feel. I don't want others to know what I want. Now, this probably isn't as big a deal in most cases with clients, future ideal clients, maybe even centers of influence of some of those key relationships I mentioned. Or even your carriers. It could be, and my guess is some of your best relationship with your clients. They do know a lot about you in a good way, right? I mean, we're very open and transparent and authentic. Now, you're not going to share everything. I get that. But you just have those very deep relationships. This is much more important. I do see with a agency culture, right, that we don't have candid conversations with those on our team. That as leaders, oftentimes we have a very hard time being authentic. We have a hard time being vulnerable. And if you're a leader and you go, well, Brent, I can't show vulnerability because it makes me and then our agency look weak. You may be surprised. You may be surprised. Let me just give you a very quick example. And I've done a lot of speaking and training. Yes, we share a lot of success stories. We have a lot of success stories with agencies and producers who have done really well applying things to our program. If all we talked about and if all I talked about was their successes and my successes and why we're so good, at some point it becomes unattainable that people that listen to you, I couldn't do that. But when you open up and say, you know what, I've also had some really big challenges. I share a story that I've shared in different keynotes, but I share it oftentimes the beginning of a producer training. And one of the reasons I share it is it does provide some experience and credibility and all those kind of Things. But it also shows a big area of vulnerability and weakness in my production days and me as a professional and a human being. And what you'll find out is when you're open and you share some vulnerabilities with people, and again, you got to pick and choose. But when you do that, people don't just go, oh, they go, I've been there too. I can relate to that. I can relate to you. I get it. I feel like now we're on the same page. And just like when I speak on a stage, many times people will think, well, there's that barrier between me and the audience. I want that barrier to go away. I want people to feel like having a conversation from the heart, as Roger Sitkins always says. But the same is true in leadership in your agency. If people in your agency feel like you're up here and they're down there and maybe it's because of position or money or whatever the case may be, we already know that's the case. But when you can be open, authentic, ask genuine questions, be vulnerable in certain areas that you need to be in, again, you're not going to share everything, I get that. But share the right things, the important things, people go, you know what? You're not much different than me. I can do that too. I can do that too. So those are the four areas. And I hope this was helpful to you, impactful to you. Again, whatever your role or responsibility of an agency leader may be. But the four areas, the four barriers. Again, assumption. Where do you make assumptions on other people that have caused relationships to suffer? Number two is arrogance. When have you maybe used your experience, your training, your credibility, whatever it may be, it's actually caused a barrier to those around you. Indifference. When have you not sought the real time? Just in science it's two minutes, sometimes it's 20 seconds. But where have you maybe been so busy or hectic or scattered that you haven't given people the full attention that they deserve? And lastly, when have you always wanted to maintain control, where you're never going to let people in to any part of you except the good things? And last example, I can share on control. And I forgot to mention, well, just look at social media. I mean, I try to stay away from social media more than I used to, but social media is a great example when all you see is great stuff. And again, why would you not want to post the great stuff? But it becomes unattainable, it becomes not real, it becomes inauthentic. And that's what happens in many of our relationships. I'm going to wrap this up by sharing a quote from one of my favorite books, which by the way, I just heard it's the 30 year anniversary of this book, which A is really cool and B, makes me realize that I have been around longer than I thought. But the third year anniversary of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. If you've not read that book before, I know they're doing a 30 year anniversary edition with some additional things, so that'd be a great time to get it. But habit number five, the first part of the habits, by the way, are more internal habits and then it goes more external. Right? So there's an internal to an external, but this gets to the external part. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. When we hear that, we go, that's great, that makes sense. And over this entire year and beyond, but I mean, certainly in 2020 I've had many times are going, wait a second, am I really seeking first to understand then to be understood? Or do I have a point that I've got to share? And my point's the right point. And if you have something to say, I may or may not listen to you after. And if you talk, I'm probably not really hearing you, not really listening. So seek first to understand, then to be understood. So let me give you just three takeaways and again, I've gone through the four areas and some of this I've mentioned before, but here's just some things that you can do. I said, you know, avoid the assumptions, avoid the arrogance, try not to be indifferent. Look where you may be trying to take too much control. But just real simple, number one, here's things you could do. Just give people your time and attention. It's the most precious gift you can give people is your time and attention. Certainly in today's crazy world, when you give people a little time and attention, they feel so valued because everyone is so busy. Number two is this. Ask questions that matter. The best conversations are when people are prepared with questions that matter. Now, again, depends on the role. Whether you're talking to a client, someone in your office, whatever it may be, but ask questions that matter. Questions unlock doors and they build bridges. Questions unlock doors and they build bridges. Number three is this. Listen without judgment. And this is the hardest one. This is the hardest one for me. I just had a conversation this morning, I prepared for this this week, had a conversation this morning with my Wife and I interrupted her like four times because I had something I had to say and I smacked myself in the face. Listen without judgment. When you just listen without judgment, wow, does that build connection? So what's the results? Why is this important? Besides the fact that it makes your life easier, makes your relationships better, makes people around you happier, makes you happier. Here's some results. A better connection, greater influence with those around you, more fulfillment, deeper relationships, more opportunities. And how about better results? You know, sometimes we look at the end and why aren't your results better? You think of the best leaders, the best leaders, the ones that made the biggest impact. In fact, think right now of a leader. I don't care if it's a teacher, a coach, a business leader, politician, someone who's had the biggest impact on your life. Right? The biggest impact on your life. My guess is you connected deeply with them because they were good at the things that I just talked about. Right? How can you improve in these areas to gain influence? So I hope this podcast was valuable to you. It was top of mind and I really wanted to share it. Hopefully, you know, we always talk about a conversation from the heart. I don't script these. I have some notes and so I just wanted to share some things that were important to me that I really believe will be helpful to you if you can apply some of these things and think about some of these things. Also, if you want to learn more about what we do at Sitkins, how we help agencies, how we help insurance professionals, business, be their best version possible, how we help them gain clarity. And that's so important, right? Just to filter down what's most important, to help them build consistent habits, the right habits, doing the right things consistently. And to make that commitment to say, I'm not going to just start something and quit. I'm going to make a commitment to continue to follow through. If you want to know how we help agencies, what we do have a lot of different programs. Of course, we've been able to offer some virtual programs as well. Just go to sitkins.coms I t k I n s.com and you can learn more about us and our programs. I would love to connect with you. And my last call to action is this. If this podcast has added value to you, your life, your business, whatever it may be, please give me a five star review on whatever listening device that you use. I appreciate you and wish you all the best in your success. Thanks.