How to Listen Your Way to More Sales and Better Connections

The great president Abraham Lincoln said this. He said, when I get ready to reason with a man, I spend one third of my time thinking about myself and what I'm going to say and two thirds thinking about him and what he is going to say. On today's Agent Leader podcast, I'm going to challenge you to listen up. Well, hello there again. This is Brent Kelly, and welcome to another edition of the Agent Leader podcast. I am so excited you are with me here today. Well, I am from and currently live in the great state of Illinois. Now, some people may disagree that Illinois is a great state, but what? One thing that people don't generally disagree with me on is that our famous president, Abraham Lincoln, who obviously served many years here in Illinois and traveled the state before he went to Washington, D.C. to lead as president, would be known as one of the greatest communicators of all time. I mean, his words that he spoke during the famous Lincoln Douglas debates, his writing in the Emancipation Proclamation, and certainly his delivery and message in the Gettysburg Address are some of the most famous words ever coined in history. Right? I mean, he was just a magnificent communicator. However, what I've noticed is when you really study Abraham Lincoln and there's some, you know, there's hundreds and hundreds of books written about Abraham Lincoln. One of my favorite is called Team of Rivals. But his greatest skills in communication, as great as he was in speaking and writing, it wasn't those two things. It was his ability to listen. Now, like all great communicators and all great leaders, Abraham Lincoln had vision, he had charisma, he had the ability to build consensus, and he was trustworthy. I mean, heck, he was Honest Abe, right? And all of these attributes require great listening. You know, what I found in my own life, and I'll expand upon this throughout the podcast, is that listening is really hard. In fact, I often conduct an exercise. I do communication workshops, typically for insurance agencies or insurance organizations at different places. And one of the exercises I do during my communication workshop is where each participant, well, there's a group and I have them pair up, right? So I have, you know, you have two people that are paired up together, and I hand each person in this pair a different scenario, right? So there's a sheet of paper that has a scenario for one person and a sheet of paper that has a scenario for the other person. And without any defined instructions, really, other than just read the piece of paper, I ask both parties to get to read that scenario and then engage in a conversation with their partner who has a Different scenario, and they don't really know what they're getting into. And that's kind of part of the fun of this. But both scenarios place the participant in a very difficult situation where they have to negotiate a deal with their partner. And so, in fact, when you read the scenario, you go, oh, my gosh, I'm in a pickle here. This is going to be a challenge. But what they don't know is that their partner also has a very, very challenging scenario to deal with and that they both need each other to fix their problem. Now, without getting to the details of the scenario, here's the bottom line is the person in this pair, the partner who asks the most questions and listens the most, always, almost always negotiates the better deal. Because by asking questions and listening, they put themselves in a better position. And the person that speaks the most, you know, who gets the scenario, and they just start going, oh, my gosh, here's what's going on. This is what I need. They show vulnerability and they appear desperate. Now, although this is an imaginary scenario, the results are very true in every communication, in every aspect of communication, particularly if you are in sales. And as someone once told me, especially with, you know, insurance sales in particular, is that, you know, nobody ever listened him or herself out of a sale, right? Have you ever heard he talked his way out of that when he said too much or said the wrong thing? Have you ever heard that producer just listened himself right out of a sale? He was too intent on listening. Of course it sounds silly, but it's very, very true. Now the next question I want to ask is, and this is so true with me, is do you lack focus? Because it's a question that I struggle with every day. Do you lack focus? You know, if you can't tell on this podcast, if you've never met me before, I'm a high energy person. I like to move fast. I have an idea and I act upon it and I do it. That's why sometimes I send out blog posts that have typos. Some people go, how could you do that? Because I just move. I have an idea, I type it, I read it. I read so fast that I can't even process it. And I send it out sometimes, which may not always be the best thing, but it's the truth. So unless I'm highly intentional on any of this stuff, especially listening, I can easily lose focus and not give my full attention to someone who is speaking to me. Like many people, this is true. This has been a proven fact that I Listen faster than I can speak. You probably do the same. In fact, it's been shown that most of us speak at a rate of about 180 words per minute. I may be slightly faster, but we listen at 300 to 500 words a minute, right? So we speak at 180 words a minute, but we listen between three and 500 words a minute. So it's easy to fill the space thinking about what we want to say next, what's on our to do list, or what we want to eat for dinner, right? Because our listening is faster than our speaking. So when someone's speaking to you, we're processing things even faster, and our brain is already ahead. You probably had that snare, right? Someone's talking to you, and you're thinking about, no, wait a second, I want pork chops or steak. Because our brain is already ahead. Here's what I want to get across in today's podcast is that listening requires effort, right? A very simple thing to think about. Listening requires effort. Well, of course. But the reality is, being a good listener is not easy for most people. You really do have to be intentional. You have to be focused, and you have to direct your full energy to that person who is speaking to you, whether it's on the phone, whether it's face to face. I tell you what, even reading emails, have you ever read an email and then replied back and go, oh, I forgot to read the second sentence. There was two questions, not one. Of course, right? Because you weren't intentional or focused, and you waste time, effort, and energy. Now, like any skill, listening can be improved. So if you struggle to focus and connect to those with those that are speaking to you, you can start improving today. It is a skill. You just have to be intentional and give listening your full intention. You know, I love this thought, and I'm not sure who the person who originally said it. A lot of people have taken credit for it, but it's so true, especially in listening. Where your attention goes, your energy flows. Where your attention goes, your energy flows, right? If someone is speaking to you, whether it's someone in business, whether it's your spouse, oh, my gosh, my wife is listening to this. She's like, man, Brent, take your own advice. Take your own advice, right? But think about it. If my full energy is with that person talking to me, my attention is there. My energy will be there as well. It can be seen, it can be felt, it can be heard. You know, when someone is fully engaged, I mean, listening is mentally fatiguing. It's Hard work. I get that. But it's so, so powerful because to become a great leader and to become a great communicator, you must continually develop your listening skills. Try it out today, the next person that you talk to, just really be intentional in listening. I mean, I mean, pour your heart and soul into what they're saying. Not just to say something back, but to really understand what they're saying. Listen with your full heart. Because when you do that, listening will give you the ability to develop stronger relationships. Listening will help you gather valuable information, and listening will increase your understanding of not only yourself, but of others. But of others. So again, my thought for you today is listen up, right? Think of the words of Abraham Lincoln that I said. I mean, one of the greatest communicators of all time. And he said, when I get ready to reason with a man, I spend one third of my time thinking about myself and what I'm going to say in two thirds thinking about him and what he is going to say. I'm sure we've all heard the saying, you have one mouth and two ears, so use them appropriately. Until next time, thanks for listening Today's Agent Leader Podcast. Hi, this is Brent Kelly again, and I want to thank you again for listening today's episode of the Agent Leader podcast. If you like this, if you love this, if this information is helpful to you and your life and your business, please go to itunes or Stitcher Radio, share it and also give me a review. But I'd love to know that I'm adding value to people and giving me reviews is one way to do that and to share my message. Also want to let you know that every Agent Leader podcast is brought to you by Agents of Growth. You can Visit us@agentsofgrowth.net this is the place that provides purposeful and inspiring business growth for insurance professionals. Until next time, this is Brent Kelly of the Agent Leader Podcast.