15 - Solcast Episode Fifteen ft. HolisticBrah: Early Gym Mistakes, Negative People and Developing your Mindset for Success

Welcome to episode 15 of the Soulcast with my friend Holistic Brah. That's @holisticbrah on Twitter. Go follow him. We have a great discussion, delve into a lot of fitness stuff, a lot of mindset stuff, and it was in our local park, so a bit of ambiance for you there. Hope you enjoy. So, we were talking before the solcast that kind of discussing the general trend of— you had a bit of experience recently with a friend that was maybe a a bit too negative and a drain on your energy over time. And I think you've made the move now, or finally decided to properly cut them out or move on after giving them due time. And, you know, you've also looked at yourself, and it's very important to look at yourself so you're not overlooking things that you might be doing that are straining the relationship and maybe triggering Thanks, mate.

Is this recording? Yeah.

So, we're in the park, as you obviously just heard. So, if there's any bird chatter, please excuse, but I think it's quite nice actually. So, where was I? Yeah, so you had a roommate that you found was affecting your vibe quite a lot. So, what kind of led you to realizing that this was maybe something or someone you had to cut out? And did you give them enough chances? How did you make that distinction? Because I think it's quite a prevalent topic. I personally think that—

I think people will experience it at some point in their life.

Yeah, everyone goes through it.

Yeah, moving houses a bit and Even friends from school? Yeah, friends from school. This was like a friend from school type situation, so I've known him for a long time. Never lived with him, but just used to see him. He actually got into training and reached out to me.

Yeah.

So, you know, I was happy to help him out, get him into it. Um, but I guess what, like, from the start I kind of had a gut feeling that things weren't going to work out. I actually ended up working a job with him as well, which just adds to it and accelerates these situations, I think, these negative situations. Um, so yeah, just from training with him, spending all this time with him, like at work and then at home, you don't really get away from each other, so you really get to understand how other people think. Um, not to say that, you know, I know what he's thinking and everything like that, but you just— it's just too much time around someone. Like, you can sort of see their insecurities and their flaws, and they can see yours. And, you know, if you're, if you're lacking communication, which I think we were, um, it's just bound to end bad.

Yeah, I mean, you, you did try and bring up these kind of issues with him. And he would just react emotionally, right?

Yeah, exactly. Um, I started to get into like stoicism and things like that and just like controlling your emotions and not really, you know, just try not to chimp out basically.

Yeah, always gotta avoid that.

Yeah, I've been like journaling for the last year pretty consistently, not every night but like most nights.

And what do you find that helps with?

Just like control your emotions. Like there's obviously just been times where like I know like every time I've gotten angry I've just felt like shit after.

Yeah.

Like dude, why am I so mad about this? Like it doesn't even matter.

Yeah.

Like why, like it makes you feel bad like lashing out or— I'm sure like you've felt these feelings before growing up, you know, like just when you're a kid and you have arguments with like your brother or sister like It's over the board, it's pointless stuff. And it's like you feel shit and then you, when you're around them for like the next like couple hours or whatever it is, like it's awkward and you're like, fuck, I don't even care. And you know they don't even care.

And it's, yeah, it's, it's like the level of energy just kind of got away from you both and you both like arc up and respond emotionally rather than what I think is, as you mature, hopefully emotionally mature and develop, you learn to realize that, okay, let's just take a step back. When I feel the anger, what is triggering the anger? Is it something that really is deserved of anger? 99 times out of 100, it's not, and it's just like some arbitrary thing that you both get pissed off about. And the emotional maturity comes from if someone is angry towards you, for you to step back and feel the anger and be like, okay, and then just let it go and absorb whatever energy they're throwing at you. And when you can do that, then 9 times out of 10, they calm down as well. Like, yeah, it was one of the things that I noticed when I was working as a bouncer in nightclubs. It's like people will come up to you with anger and be pissed off that you're kicking them out of the nightclub, whatever, they're too drunk, and they'll lash out because they're upset and angry. And it's really up to you whether you take that anger into yourself yourself and multiply it back. And then it's like, oh no, well, you fucking blah blah blah, when you can just take it, smile, and be like, sorry mate, you know, just trying to do my job, um, this is how it is. And when you're able to, it makes them feel silly first of all because they're conscious of like, you know, being an argumentative person.

It is a bit embarrassing getting kicked out of a nightclub.

Yeah, no, of course, of course.

And this, yeah, that's more what they're angry about.

Yeah. Yeah, they're not angry at you, they're just angry at the whole thing. And maybe that's a bad example, but I noticed that when I— the lesson more so was that the skill of having someone be angry to you and not respond angrily back or emotionally back and just accept that, you know, they're upset. Let's absorb that energy, dissipate it, and move on with my life. And I think that's a lesson that you can take to all relationships.

100%. That is like a big issue with this. With the relationship here was just because I just felt like I would— like, I'm the one having to bring up the situation, like, like, hey man, like, you know, this is, this is a problem, like, and every time I bring it up, it's just sort of like an emotional response back at me, like, oh yeah, well, you're this, and like, you're always doing this, and yeah, you know, like raising the voice, like pointing a finger at me or something, and it's like Like, dude, but can we at least just talk about the issue that I brought up? Like, yeah, first deflection, you know? Like, if you're like keeping all this in, like, how come you're not bringing it up with me?

It seems inauthentic because they're only bringing it up to kind of score points back at you rather than bringing it up separately because it's a genuine issue of theirs that they want to talk through.

Yeah, just gloss it, like completely ignore what I say and you know, the, like, I guess flaws or whatever I'm pointing out in your behavior and just fucking just flip it all on me.

Yeah.

Yeah, that just happened like a lot of times. And yeah, I just can't be around that, eh?

Yeah, I think long term it's draining, and I think one of the key things for progressing in life and really succeeding is Honestly looking at areas of your life where your mental energy is being sapped away in an environment that might not necessarily call for it. I'm not saying to instantly cut out everyone from your life, you know, you have your friends and, you know, you should come to an appraisal of those relationships with a degree of mercy in a way. Not that you're the grand arbiter of everything, but just to be like, okay, You know, people have their flaws. I have my flaws. Everyone does. To honestly look at yourself as well, but there probably are some relationships where the juice is not worth the squeeze. They don't have your best intentions at heart, and I think cutting those out of your life, or at least minimizing the time spent with people that are maybe stuck in that, those low vibrational mindsets of reactivity and anger is a massively key thing to do if you genuinely want to get the most out of life and progress.

Yeah, 100%. And like, like I said, how I've been into like stoicism a bit and journaling, like doing a lot of reflection each day. Yeah, like I can see my past self in like some of his behavior. Yeah, as well. And it's like, man, I— that's what I want to get away from. Yeah, that's what I've been working towards.

Yeah, so yeah, it's like the journaling thing I personally don't do, and I probably should. But if you think it's a, you know, a girly thing to do, like keeping a diary or whatever, it's 100% not. It just enables you, like, a part of your routine to honestly look at the day, look at what happened, how did you feel, how could you have reacted better or dealt with the situation better. And it's just like a little bit of a magnifying glass on you day to day, which I think is an incredibly useful tool. Obviously you can speak more to that since you started doing it and I haven't.

Yeah, I'd like sometimes with the journaling, like I'll just say, I'll write down like a positive and a negative thing.

Yeah.

You know, like I've had shit days before and then like I get to the part where I have to write just something positive.

Yeah.

And then I just, you know, think about the day, like what went well, and I'm like, ah, fuck, today actually wasn't that bad.

Yeah.

It's just because I focus on the negative shit.

Yeah.

And it— yeah, and that's happened a couple times, and it's just because I've actually committed to sitting down and writing something even if I didn't feel like it because I had a shit day. And then, yeah, it just forced me to think of something positive.

Yeah. And then, and then boom, your mood's better. Yeah, it's not that bad.

Yeah, like, fucking chill out, bro. Life's good.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot to be grateful for in every single day. You wake up, you didn't die in your sleep. Hey, that's a win, brother, you know. Some people don't wake up, unfortunately, whatever reason it was. Yeah, kids are just like, "Fuck." It could be, you know, your last day on earth. You woke up, you got another opportunity to progress in life and hang out with your mates or work on something that interests you and your passions. I mean, that alone is enough to be grateful for. In the grander scheme of things, that you even have had the chance of life on this earth. Think of the many millions of people that you beat out in the race to the egg upon creation, that they never had the opportunity to live on this world. And the fact that you're even here, the amount of circumstances that ended up for you to be born on this earth at this time with all the benefits that we have, you know, the safest, most peaceful time on earth that we've really had, you know, that there are obviously wars going on around the world, but relatively this is a pretty good time to be alive. And, you know, we have the internet, you have access to all this knowledge and all of that. And, you know, this at a very base level, you have so much to be grateful for. And what happens is you focus on the minutiae and that piss you off and then you think, "Oh, my life is so bad," but it genuinely just takes a bit of positive focus on the things that you're grateful for and that's why the journaling is great, because it's like a daily practice in thinking, "Okay, what did— went well today?" All of those things which when you commit to habit become just a method of directing your mind to the more positive things and when you're more consciously in a more positive mindset all the time then that attracts more positive things into your life. So, you know, it's a no-brainer really. A good thing that helps with that is what I do sometimes is if you're upset about something or, you know, worried about your issues, is you just zoom out. So you think of yourself wherever you are in your room at home, and you zoom out to the few houses around you, and you notice all the different families and houses that exist in this small area. Then you zoom out even further and you say maybe it's your whole city and you look at all the different people and all the different relationships, all the different problems in that area. And then you zoom out again, maybe it's your country. And then you, you know, it's that framing of like, okay, this is not this huge calamity that's gonna end everything in the world. I'm just focusing on this very small part of my life which doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of things. So that's a nice little mental visualization tool to just get out of your head and realize, okay, this thing isn't that drastic and I should probably just relax about it.

Yeah, I reckon it works. Works 100%. Yeah. I think, I think, um, like living where we do and stuff and people in their own countries, like first world countries, I think people have a bit of anxiety or like a bit of fear because I think deep down they don't want to admit it, but they, they know they can actually pretty much do whatever you want. Yeah, I mean, you really can. Yeah, like people just have like, they have put their anxieties in like social media and yeah, comparison, others, others' opinions. Yeah, comparisons. And I say this because Guess what? Like, that's basically what I was fucking doing. Yeah, like, you know. Cheers. Cheers. Like, it's fucking scary when you realize you can do pretty much anything and it is just up to you. Yeah, I get that there's a bit of anxiety there. Like, you don't want to believe it, but it's true. Like, you got to blame— you kind of got to blame yourself to some degree for not having what you want or doing what you want.

Yeah, it's extreme ownership and taking ownership of your problems and your wins as well. But if you have problems in your life, honestly looking at yourself and realizing, okay, I didn't pass that exam because I genuinely didn't study enough and I played video games. And I've done that before, you know, during uni, like, I didn't get the result I wanted. Okay, did I actually work as hard as I could have? Or even not working, you know, 100% but working 80% and I would have done better than I did. It's like, yep, that's your fault, cool. Or relationships that are giving you trouble, have you been honest? Have you been as loving as you could have been? Probably not. Have you dedicated the time on the side to a business idea or studying more so that you can get a better qualification and improve your lot in life? Okay, no, you were just watching Netflix. It's like, you know, even if it's hard and even if it bruises the ego, which it does, your life is the sum of the choices you've made. And once you're conscious of that and aware that you're not where you want to be because of you, even the things that, you know, happen to you, if you go Okay, this happened to me. How could I have avoided it by doing this next time? Learning from your mistakes and, and not thinking that stuff happens to you, but owning it. And once you own it, you can realize that you can change it. When you externalize the consequences, externalize the force of the consequences to something else, that external— goes back to the Stoicism thing— If you can do something about it, you can, cool, do something about it. If you can't do something about it, it's external to you, don't worry about it. Um, they're all kind of overarching ideas that you can take ownership of your life, and once you do that, that's when your life starts to change overall.

Yeah, and like, big one's just the comparison one. Like, when I first started going to the gym and stuff, I used to like sort of think like, ah, you know, this person's got it easier because, uh, you know, they have a personal trainer, or because, you know, they, uh, have all these supplements and, yeah, you know, protein shakes, whatever, like in pre-workout and shit like that. Just because at the time I just couldn't like afford that shit. But like, that was just like some bullshit excuse. Yeah, cope. It's fucking cope. God, I don't want to say it. That's exactly what it is, and you just realize like, dude, just like fucking get a job and work a couple hours a week and you'll be able to buy that shit if you really want it. Like, just go and get it.

Yeah.

It's there, like, there's no excuses for most things.

Yeah, I mean, there's very small excuses that really, you know, okay, maybe that couldn't have gone your way because of this, but for the most part, excuses are just something you tell yourself to heal the bruising that the ego takes when you see someone that's more progressed than you, has a better physique than you. And I think it's almost a rite of passage that everyone goes through. And also one of the reasons why the gym is so good is you see someone bigger than you, and initially you're like, oh, fuck him, he's probably on steroids, or, you know, he's— you come up with all these dumb stories that you tell yourself where it could just be that, you know, he's committed to, uh, working out 3, 4 times a week for the last 2 years and you didn't. Yeah, you know, that's, that's all it is.

And like, literally all it is, uh, yeah, being like super consistent. Be consistent and doing the right things, or just trying to move it in that direction over time. Like You know, like, don't expect yourself to change overnight. Yeah, it doesn't happen. Yeah, I know, like, we probably spent a lot of time partying, drinking.

Yep.

You know, shit like that as we were growing up, and like, it's hard to get away from that when so much of like your social life is tied to that when you're younger.

Yep. Yeah, going through university or that age from like 18 to really 22 where it's like a couple times a week of binge drinking.

Like, you want to get laid, you want to like, you know, like—

You want to go have fun.

You just want to have all these experiences. It's like understandable.

Yeah, I mean, you're young and you learn a lot from those times and you develop your friendships and it's doable. But you really at some point have got to look at it and go, okay, it's probably not the best use of my time and money. The earlier that you change those habits— and I'm not encouraging binge drinking, obviously. Obviously always bad for you, but it is what it is, and we did it. It's not impossible to make progress while you're doing that as long as you're 85% of the time still gymming and eating well and all the rest of it, and then you have one night a week where you're getting blasted. But it does make it a lot harder, obviously, the hangover. You can kind of get away with it being a bit younger, you bounce back very quickly. But it's not optimal.

Yeah, it makes a big difference. Yeah, it does make a difference, especially since like as I've gotten older you know, obviously you don't have that, you know, that recovery rate that you used to. Like, you feel it a lot more.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah, well, I mean, we still go out now, so what I think now, the, the kind of things that have made a difference in— you can still party, just don't drink as much. Stick to vodka sodas. You're getting some water every time you're having a drink.

Yeah.

Don't have any drinks at the club. You know, if you have a few pre-drinks, get a bit of a buzz on, that's all you need. You don't need to buy expensive drinks at the club. You don't need to just keep on drinking, kind of chasing that high. You have that initial social lubricant, which you don't need. You can go out without drinking, but if you are gonna drink, Don't smash processed sugary drinks. Don't smash 12 beers because that comes with a lot of extra calories. Obviously there's calories in the vodka, but soda water and fresh lime is a pretty good deal in terms of if you want to drink. Again, not encouraging drinking. You're better off without it. But if you are going to do it, the situation sometimes does call for it. If you're on holiday or seeing the lads and you haven't seen them in a while, I think that's a good way to—

it is fun when everyone loosens up.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Staying away from the 2 AM kebab or the meat box. I cringe when I think of those things, just ridiculous amounts of sauce which probably made from seed oils and all the meats fucking cooked in that. Like, you don't need to put that in your body at the end of the day, you know. Maybe prep a little bit of meal sometimes. I've taken meals to pre-drinks because I didn't want to get the processed pizza or whatever. And yeah, you get some funny looks, but you just take it on the chin. You just go, yeah, bro, I just brought my dinner. Cool. I'm gonna have a yummy, healthy dinner that's gonna fill my stomach and line the stomach so I don't feel too sick if I'm drinking a lot. And then in the morning, if you're hungover, don't reach for the Uber Eats to deliver another disgusting meal, but cook some eggs and High fat is always a good thing to have before and after drinking.

Hydrate.

Yeah, hydrate heaps. Electrolytes is a massive one. If you smash like a liter of electrolyte drink before you go to bed, that's always a massive one. And yeah, as long as you stop drinking— go on.

And have like a hard, hard workout before you go out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just feel like after I've worked out and stuff, I can sort of get away with a it a bit more because my body's just— it's probably just bro science or whatever, but I feel like if I— after a big workout, one, I just feel way better going into the night, like just feeling amazing. And two, I feel like my body just burns everything.

Yeah, you utilize the calories.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, all those extra calories and, you know, all the shit, it's— it just gets burnt up. I don't know. Yeah, that's just my theory, but working out makes everything better.

That's what it is at the end of the day. Utilize the food. You know, there's those— the guys that you see, their diets are garbage, but they're still working hard in the gym and they're not fat. It's like, it's probably better for you than— well, obviously it's better for you than smashing the shit food and then not working out. So make sure you do that if you're gonna If you're on holiday having some drinks, just get a workout in. You know, you're on holiday, but you can still work hard, and it goes a long way to working against those holiday extra weight.

I feel like sometimes people are keen as well. Like, I've been in Bali before and had like gone like a little holiday. I've gone and worked out and just worked out with some random guys I met in the hostel. Yeah, like some people are keen. Yeah, you know, like even though everyone's there sort of for a holiday and sometimes to party or whatever, like, yeah, not everyone is. Yeah, it's a great place to go out and surf. That's like a form of exercise. Yeah, new skill. That's where I learned. It's definitely made me more confident just in general. I don't know, like going out into the surf for the first time is like an intimidating thing. Yeah, you've just started recently, right?

I just started.

There we go.

Yeah, let's talk about it. Got a board, so I'm not a surfer dude yet, but looking to just commit to a new skill, I think, and learn it and, you know, eat shit on the waves a lot.

How's the paddling endurance going?

Pretty good. Paddled 800 meters out to a reef break.

800 meters?

Which is quite a big one for the first surf.

For a fuckin'—

yeah, for a beginner. But, you know, it's all experience and, you know, I didn't catch any waves, but the Spanish have an expression, agua diamante. I think I'm butchering that, but it means time spent in the water. And that's, you know, the— you can apply that to any hobby or skill that you want to get better at. Is like, yeah, I want to get better at this. Okay, well, you have to have more time in the water. You have to go in, make the mistakes so that your body your body intuitively learns. Even the hour of paddling that I did, first you get out there, it's a bit shaky trying to balance the board and things, but then after a while your body calibrates subconsciously and goes, okay, if I hold my balance here and paddle in these ways, I have more control of the, of the board. And that all happens subconsciously, just as your brain is calculating all the different nuances within it. And all it is is spending time doing the new skill. And that applies for anything, whether it's coding, whether it's, you know, writing content, anything. It's just a question of regular commitment to practicing the skill and making the mistakes so that you can progress and learn from that.

What I think of in situations like that, like trying something new, it's pinned on my Twitter. Yeah, it's just always that Teddy Roosevelt speech about the man in the arena. Like, it's so true. Yeah, like it doesn't matter like what you're doing as long as you're in there. It's like you're saying before, time in the water, right? It's just putting time into anything. Like, don't give a fuck about anyone else, like anyone's comments or anything like that. Or like, you're actually in there, in the arena, right?

Like, arena of life.

They're not in there, man. Like, don't listen to them. Like, who are they to have an opinion?

Yeah.

Honestly, they don't even know about it.

Yeah.

And even the ones that are in there, like, you shouldn't always listen to them because they can be negative.

The thing is, is like, most of the people that throw out negativity, no matter what it is, are the people that have never tried, and they see someone trying and failing and go, haha, look at that loser, haha, he's not good at that. To say. But they're trying and they want to improve. And every master has been a novice, and the master has failed a thousand times. That's what gets you to become a master of whatever you're trying to do.

Or—

and anyone that's put time and effort into any skill, whatever world that it is in, knows what it feels like to humble yourself and try something that you're not good at. Because you're not good at it because you haven't tried. That's another thing, it's like 'Oh, I'm shit at handstand. Oh, I'm shit at pull-ups. I can't do that.' It's like, well, have you ever practiced it? Yeah.

No?

Well then how the fuck are you gonna be good at it?

I get that a lot with the handstands.

Yeah, people, 'I could never do that.' I'm like, 'Yeah, you could, bro.' Everyone's a human. Everyone's brain works relatively the same. You have your base genetics, whatever, but can't change your genetics. So again, stoicism. Can I change it? No. Cool, don't worry about it then.

Yeah.

And, you know, I'm sure there's world champions, uh, or people that could have been world champions with their genetics that never tried because they were scared of looking stupid, um, and never really fulfilled their genetics. And, you know, Tom Platz, the bodybuilder who had arguably some of the most well-developed legs ever, he always used to speak about, um, I I didn't— I don't have good genetics. I just outworked my genetics. Um, and you know, you look at training footage of him smashing his legs and you go, well, okay, well, he definitely, uh, did that. You know, he, he outworked whatever it is. Um, so genetics is again a bit of a cope.

Like, oh dude, people say like they bring up genetics and it's like, you haven't even tried. Yeah, what, you went to the gym for like 2 months? Bro. Yeah, like, you haven't tried. You haven't tried.

You haven't dedicated like a year to where this is like, you know, years and years, man. Anyone that people look at and go, oh, he has good genetics, that's why he looks like that— maybe. But have you also dedicated 8+ years to consecutively lifting, consecutively eating enough, eating the right stuff, getting good sleep? Every single night. Obviously, you make hiccups here and there, nobody's perfect, but until you've done that, then there's really— there's no talk of genetics. Like, genetics is the last bit, and that's something I found. I don't know if you know, but some of the clients that I've been coaching recently is kind of— a few people have mentioned, "Oh, I thought I had shit genetics before." But once I gave them the tools, told them what food to eat, how much to eat, how to train optimally for hypertrophy, and then making sure you're getting all the micronutrients, getting enough water, and really just having a focused go at it, they put on muscle, more muscle than they ever have, and they see the path to a well-developed physique in a couple years' time. And it's not genetics. It's like, okay, everyone can get to a certain— I think everyone could get to a great looking physique, full stop, regardless of genetics, as long as you're training the right way consecutively for years. So genetics is just like a, a bit of a cope from people that haven't put the years in, because that's what it genuinely takes. And you know, how long have you been training?

Yeah, probably 7+ years or something.

Yeah, yeah.

And something like, with like people talk about like genetics and stuff is like you hear a lot of people say they have a slow metabolism. It's like, okay, let's say that's true. You know what the problem is, you have a slow metabolism, just don't eat as much or work around that. Yeah, like you know what the problem is and you know what the solutions are.

9 times out of 10 they don't have a slow metabolism, they're just Exactly. Eating shit and not working out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, even if they do have a slow metabolism, you know what's wrong.

Yeah.

You know, you know how to fix this.

Yeah.

You're saying, you're telling me what the problem is, like, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

Listen to yourself.

Well, it's used as an excuse. It's not used as a genuine, like, oh, actually, this is why I have this problem.

Yeah, they're like 20 years old and they've never, you know, Like, how do you know you have a slow metabolism? How do you know you have all these issues? Like, yeah, you're doing an arts major or something. Like, you've never even been into fitness. You were the kid that was rocking up with a note from your mom saying, I can't do sport today.

Yeah, you know, like, bro, people would tell themselves a lot of stories, and you know, I've done that as well with things like why I haven't been able to succeed in some of the things, you know, you judge others and forgive yourself, which is, I think, another big mindset change that I've had is just you see other people's actions and you judge them on their actions, but internally you judge yourself on your intentions. Yeah. So I think that's like a bit of a a mindset change that's really good is like you become more forgiving to others because they might have meant to do the right thing, you know, give them the benefit of the doubt like you give yourself the benefit of the doubt, like the stuff that you do that's wrong, it's like, oh, well, I actually meant for— I meant this, but it came out this way.

Yeah.

You don't know whether someone was intentionally trying to hurt you or whatever else, and sometimes that's not relevant, but overall, if someone makes a mistake it might not necessarily be because they've intentionally wanted to fuck you over or whatever else. It's just like humans make mistakes. You have to be aware of that and be conscious of that. And I think that helps your relationships when you have that buffer of forgiveness within that.

Yeah, 100%. Like, no one intentionally fucks up or like intentionally— people do, but sometimes a lot of the time you gotta realize like people don't mean to like offend you.

Yeah, most people are good. Yeah, genuinely, most people are good. They want the best for others. They're just stuck in learned societal cultural reactions that they've learned from maybe their parents or other friends. And to break out of that is kind of the first stages of— if you're reading philosophy and Stoicism, you start to question your thoughts and, you know, where are these thoughts coming from? Am I actually upset, or is it just a jealousy thing? Um, you know, it's all that development that happens, and with practice, of course, and improving your mind over time.

Yeah, 100%. We've spoken about this before, but one cool thing I found key to my success with my consistency and in training and diet and stuff is just constantly— sorry, this guy's putting me off.

Yeah, go on.

Yeah, I— hey, how's it going? Hey, mate.

Go on.

Yeah, so one of the things that— well, the key things I use for myself personally was, um, just listening to like, uh, like motivational talks with like music in the background.

Huge tool.

Yeah, I, I used to just—

not you're a tool, it's a huge tool that you can use.

Some people probably would think I am a bit of a tool for that. It's like one of my mates is like, why do you listen to some so much motivational stuff, like, isn't it obvious? And it's like, yeah, it is obvious, but like sometimes you just need to hear it like again, like repetitively. And you know, it's— it was just a big help for me. Like if I was not really feeling like training, I could just always just listen to like one of my favorite motivational talks. And yeah, usually they're compilations of different people. Like I used to just— and still do sometimes— because because that's where my favorite motivational audio clips are, is just on SoundCloud. It's free as well. Yeah, you just search like motivational speeches and heaps of different compilations come up. Some are really good, and that's like what I used for years. Yeah, for years.

I had that thought, um, I think it was yesterday, like people have an aversion to Like, it's the whole like, oh, you should just have the willpower. You should have the willpower to consistently go to the gym and, you know, just blah blah. And it's true to a degree, but I think to use the little motivational tools like that, like the speeches to pump you up when you're not feeling it, that in itself is you choosing your willpower to find a way to motivate yourself which is commendable in itself, you know. Some people— if you're going to work out after a motivational speech that amps you up and gets you going, that's better than not working out. No matter what people might say about it, or you think it's a bit lame or whatever, that's why they exist, and you should use every tool in your arsenal to get to where you want to go to.

Yeah, just ask, is it having a positive effect on me? Yes. Okay, I'll keep doing it. Like, it's simple. Like, yeah, you know, people think— do people think it's stupid?

Yes.

But does it have a positive effect for me?

Yeah.

Yeah, so I'm gonna keep doing it.

Yeah, it's— it's again, like, there's the whole belief thing, affirmations. I'm big into at the moment is whether or not you believe that the the affirmations that you tell yourself are literally calling forth that from the universe or whatever, even just the practice of every morning and night, if you're in the shower, whatever time of day it is, to say out loud, I have the capability to do whatever I want to do. I'm going to put on muscle and lose fat. I'm going to consistently get to the gym. All of those things that if you're constantly reminding yourself day to day, you're more likely to have that at the forefront of your mind. You're more likely to believe that you can do those things. And again, it's using every single tool that you can to achieve it. And at the end of the day, what matters is the achievement. What matters is the consistency. And if you can do, if you have to listen to music or motivational stuff to get you going, that's great. And you shouldn't feel bad about it just because some people think it's like weak to have to use those tools to get there.

Yeah.

Again, it's just cope.

Yeah, cope.

Such a good word.

It's a virus, eh? The true virus.

The real pandemic.

Cope.

Cope-vid.

COVID-19.

So let's maybe talk about a bit the starting, starting fitness and working out. I'm sure a lot of people listening already working out, so good on you guys, but some people maybe are just starting, so a little bit would be helpful for them. I know when I first started working out, it goes back to that thing, man, these birds are loud. It goes back to that thing, it's like time in the water will be time in the gym. Time in the gym means you're going to figure out how to do exercises, figure out, you know, you're gonna drop the bar on yourself occasionally, roll of shame on the bench. That's a learning experience. It's all good to make mistakes. Makes mistakes, and that's what happens when you first go to the gym. I would say I probably overtrained when I was first working out. Oh yeah. You know, an hour and a half is probably too much, and I got results, but probably not optimal results. I didn't focus on what I focus on more now, probably because I was young and you can get away with it, but if you focus on those things from an earlier age, they just cement in, like getting proper sleep. Like, I was working out, but then I would be on my phone messaging people until midnight, up for school until 6 AM. So, you know, I, I worry about what that did to my brain in the developmental stages. Maybe I'd be 5 IQ points smarter, uh, whatever. Same goes for the drinking. Imagine if I'd never had a drink. I wonder if I would be any more well-performing. Yeah, anyway, that's irrelevant. But what would you say are some of the things that you did at a younger age, mistakes that you learned or, or made that, uh, that you would share with people?

Well, I think one— this is more like something people just need to do— is just like take action. Like, even if you don't— like, I think some people just like get a bit too like analytical or something. Like early on.

Yep, I did as well.

Yeah, so what's the best routine? Yeah, you know, you're looking up all the diet and like, you're pretty like— this is what I mean by like, you're not going to change overnight because if you, if you do that to yourself early on where you just set all these new rules, it's just going to be— it's so hard to just to change that quickly. Yeah, because you've got all these habits leading up until the point where you've started fitness, like all these ingrained habits that, you know, a lot of them— some are good and a lot of them are probably bad for fitness, right? Yeah, you know, with the staying up late, you know, partying too much. Yeah, not eating the right foods. Like, they're ingrained in you and they're going to take some time to just reset.

So also to forgive yourself for making those mistakes, um, have an awareness that you did make them and not to be like, oh man, I'm such an idiot, why have I been doing doing this in my life. Okay, that's the past, that's happened, learn from it, and then moving forward you can change it. And not to worry, because everyone's made mistakes in the past, and the past has happened, the future isn't here yet, so they're both irrelevant to really think about. And your regrets and all the rest, you can waste your life thinking about your past life. It's like, okay, that's gone, that's done. What can I do now and in the future Plan for the future so that I don't make those same mistakes again. And I think, you know, there are no mistakes, there are only learning experiences. And I think mistake has a bad connotation to it, but you should view it as a, okay, I injured myself because I pushed far too far too hard when I felt that. This is always the case. It's like you hurt yourself and you think Man, I shouldn't have done that, and I knew before I was doing it that it was probably gonna fuck me up, but it's like in the moment you're like, nah, I'll be good, just push through it, and then boom, you're out for a few weeks. You know, I think everyone's done that. So now I'm at the point where if I feel something, it's not quite right, all right, back off. That's one workout that you miss out of the hundreds and thousands you will do in your life that it's not worth missing the next few weeks by pushing it when you could have just backed off, healed, rested, and then get back into it. It's about the accumulation of small wins rather than like one workout won't make or break you. No, um, unless you really hurt yourself. So that's what we're trying to avoid.

Yeah, just, just set, set like goals, sort of like just, just get to the gym on like these set days. Like if you're just beginning, just like Set, I don't know, like maybe 3 or 4 days a week where you have to go to the gym. And even if you don't know everything, you know, you don't have the perfect routine, just start showing up. Yeah, just working something out. Yeah, just pick like some muscle, like 2 muscle groups or something, and just, you know, if you're bodybuilding or like whatever it is, if you're working towards like a skill, just show up and work it out and then go home.

Like, everything else follows.

Yeah, you're gonna learn things along the way.

Yeah.

So just don't overanalyze everything. Don't, don't like force yourself to do anything because you don't even know your own body yet.

Yeah.

Like what, you're just going to get this perfect routine and have all these exercises and you might not even be able to do them all at your level, and maybe you shouldn't do them all.

Yeah.

You know, it's like you just have to actually show up for a bit. And just be the noob. Yeah, it sucks, but yeah, embrace it or whatever. Embrace the suck, people like to say. Just, that's part of it, just showing up. Yeah, taking action.

There's a guy at my gym who is a bit older than me, quite out of shape, but he's always at the gym, uh, at least recently, just in the sauna. And he'll come and just do a sauna and he's eating a bit healthy, a bit healthier. And I had a pretty long conversation with him, just got chatting, and I just said to him, like, you're here at the gym, why don't you just go to the weights? And, you know, it's a big thing in his head that he's scared of being in the weight room. He doesn't know what to do. And I just told him, I said, bro, you're already at the gym, you're in the sauna, that's great. Making diet changes, great. So it's these small incremental changes and he's lost a bit of weight because of it. The next step, you don't know what to do? Cool, go upstairs, go to the gym and just pick 5 machines that you like the look of.

Yeah.

Do 2 sets of machines, get a bit of a pump, do some curls, do some chest press. Don't be scared and like think you have to deadlift straight away, which is quite intimidating for the some new people. Yeah, you just have to get in because you're starting from a place of nothing. Anything that you're doing, even if it is just machine, then that's going to be an improvement.

Exactly.

So get in and do that. You don't have to do a fucking hour and a half workout, just half an hour. Half an hour, pump some iron on the machines, they're easy to use, and then go from there. Yeah, once you've done that a bit, you know, you'll be sore, but it's all progression. And the— you should be thinking in terms of years, not, you know, my workout isn't this sick perfect routine, there's no point in doing it. You know, it's— if you're at that stage where you're just starting lifting, then just go in and do some machines and that'll pay dividends.

Yeah. And yeah, if you feel like when you're starting out and stuff that like, oh, you you know, like you can't work out anymore and you're too tired or whatever, then, you know, that's fine. Like, just go home, don't force yourself to stay there.

Yeah, you know.

And then if you feel better just because you've, you know, and you feel like you can work out more, like, just go with that feeling. Yeah, work out a little bit more and just see, see how you feel like in recovery. And if you're recovering just, just like normal, then guess what, like, you're at the next level. Like, this is— maybe you should be training more. More now.

Yeah, it's, um, listening to your body is a skill in itself, and I think you, you learn over time. You learn over time. And once you start developing the muscles, one of the greatest feelings is feeling like a new contraction of new muscle fibers, whether, you know, they're there and you just finally clicked that mind-muscle connection. Like, I'm still feeling things where, yeah, I've gotten a bit stronger, and then, you know, a week later I'll be like, okay, I can actually hold my back in a more upright position because I have more conscious control of the mid-back muscles or whatever. Like, that— I think I'll never stop feeling that as you develop more and realize, okay, I can hit this different angle on this exercise. But that's a skill in itself, um, feeling how your body moves, um, and developing the muscles so that you have more conscious control of your body. But that kind of ties in with if I feel just really run down, um, not to force a workout. If you feel like shit, if you're sick, it's probably better for you to rest in the long term because, you know, it's all about the long term. Um, to listen to your body and feel when you can really smash it. If you're high energy, you know, weights feel light, then go a bit harder. Um, the nuance from day to day, from being aware of your body and feeling your body out, is a skill in itself that I think will progress as long as you're committed to working out and, you know, doing the work.

Yeah, and sometimes you just gotta test your body and maybe just go a bit harder, like try like a heavier weight or whatever it is every now and then. You always— you just got to test it every now and then. Pretend it's like, you know, like it's like a competition or something, or like game day. Like, just have that energy. Like, I don't know, maybe once or like twice a month or something where you just actually— to see, like, okay, where am I actually at with my bench press? Or like, yeah, just try a bit more weight.

There's, um, the classic visualization technique that Ziz spoke of is like, I think he was asked, how do you push yourself in the gym? And he said, say you're on the last set of a heavy incline bench and it's getting hard to smash out those last reps. Imagine that someone had a gun pointed at your family and was saying, if you don't finish these reps, I'm gonna smoke your brother or something.

Yeah.

And that really like, you put yourself in that mindset, you go, look, I'm gonna put this fucking weight up, you know. Or you imagine you're in a Colosseum where there's thousands of people watching you, and, and really getting into that mindset is— yeah, you know, it works better. Yeah, yeah, like the more you amp it up, like pull-ups, like if I don't get this last pull-up and pull my body out, I'm gonna fall into shark-infested waters and die. And it's like, it's silly, but Your subconscious doesn't know the difference between reality and what you, what concoctions that you make, positive or negative, right? So, that's another big thing is the power of the subconscious mind, I think, is more so than the conscious mind. And we think, you know, we're so smart and running train of thought, we can get lost in it. But I think making, taking advantage of that capacity to put yourself in fake situations amp you up. Your body responds, and I think that's a great tool for people to delve into for those hard sets.

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I just find it funny because like that's the type of shit I do. I like, I'll walk into the gym and I just feel like, today's the day! Yeah, this is it, this is why we're all here.

Yeah, everyone's here to watch me smash this chest workout.

This boy is like a legit dude.

I do that.

Like, I wake up in the morning, I listen to music, I hydrate myself, and I'm just like, today's a big day. Like, oh, let's go. And it's funny, but it's like, it actually works. And like, yeah, I laugh to myself. Like, I'll walk up to the rings or something when I'm going to smash a set out or do like a little ring routine, and I'll be like, this is it, brah, this is it, this is what it's all come down to. And I'll actually laugh like a little bit out loud. And yeah, I don't know, it puts me in a good mood. Yeah. And you know, I don't— no one knows why I'm laughing, but yeah, you know, I mean, it makes me enjoy it and it's just like fun and like a bit silly.

But yeah, yeah, I think, um, a lot of people take it too seriously when you don't necessarily have to. Like, it's It's not this whole thing of like, you go in, you kill your body every time, otherwise you're a pussy. Like, yeah, that doesn't work in the long term. And maybe it stresses you out and you like beat yourself up if you don't, um, take it like 100% seriously like a fucking Army Ranger. You don't have to. Like, maybe if you're feeling down or not as high energy, just go in. Maybe I'm just going to treat myself to some curls today, see how I feel once the blood starts flowing, feel a little bit better, you feel a little bit stronger. And you know, it's all about, again, using the tools, not taking it so seriously, enjoying yourself. If you're going to enjoy the workout, you're much more likely to consistently hit it. Like, any idiot can do a routine that kills you and then you feel completely fucked after, um, but is that necessarily the best thing long term? Probably not.

Yeah, when I started out and you know, I've talked to other people that are at the gym and stuff. Like, I was big on doing chest like all the time.

Hell yeah.

And it was just like, why? Well, because at the time I just wanted like a big chest.

Yeah.

And that's what got me into the gym.

Yeah.

So I would train chest like 3 times a week. Yeah. Like, and you know, I should have— I've been training other parts of my body. Yeah, like it probably should have all been equal. Yeah, but that wasn't going to get me into the fucking gym like early on, you know, I was younger and like, yeah, you know, so like sometimes you just got to play towards like that's going to make you more consistent.

Yeah, right.

And then once I got a bigger chest, I was like, well, now I need to get some shoulders because it's looking a bit weird. And then I gotta like train the arms, but like that pigeon brah, that like just, just like sort of being a bit obsessed with just working the chest or or whatever, like that built some sort of consistency, right? And then, you know, I introduced the other elements. And then, you know, I'm not liking chest so much because like I'm like, ah, fuck, bro, you gotta even out.

Yeah.

And that's just, that's just what happened for me. Like that's how I built those like new, new grooves.

Yeah.

And like, yeah, it's just like what gets you in there. Like obviously it's not the best thing to do, you know, you should have that perfect routine and diet and everything, but like, it's not realistic, really. It's not realistic. Like, you're not— like, I don't know, maybe you might change overnight, maybe you can do that, and it's great to like believe that you can, but it just wasn't the case with me.

Yeah.

And you know, I'm sure a lot of other people, but yeah.

Um, I think a lot of people, especially young guys, they feel skinny and weak and they want to attract the opposite sex more, and that's a very high motivation for a lot of people. And they want to get fit so they look good and they feel good. Um, don't feel bad for feeling that way because that's fine. Whatever it is that gets you in the gym and consistently doing that, you know, you're lapping everyone on the couch and you shouldn't compare yourself to other people really because it's apples to oranges. Comparing always leads down some tricky routes, but it is somewhat motivating to— I think you should always compare yourself to your past self. What was my past self doing a year ago? I'm way ahead of that. Cool, great, I'm on the right path. That's all it is. And no matter what your motivations were where no matter what you're— as long as those motivations aren't, you know, developing into mental complexes like, oh no, I'm so skinny, I gotta go to the gym, I gotta eat, oh, and like worrying about it, that's not good. Um, but you know, whatever motivation it is, don't discount it and you'll see progress because of it for sure.

Yeah, with like, um, motives for training and stuff, like, yeah, a lot of the reason why I started out was because I did want to appeal more to women.

Yeah.

And because like I'd been called scrawny and shit in the past.

Yep.

By my crush.

Fuck, that's gotta hurt.

Yeah, but you know.

But you, you turn that fire into—

Yeah, I turn that into something. And you know what, like now, like I like, I never really thought about this as something I'd really appreciate, but like at With my working situation, I work away, right? So I work, you know, 12 hours a day, and then I live on like a campsite where there's like a gym. And every night I go to the gym, and this has had such a positive effect on just how people from different departments view me, because they, they'll go to the gym like every now and then and see me there, and you know, I'll just be doing my own like calisthenics shit. Like, they always ask questions like, why are you doing handstands? Like, what's going on? Yeah, you know, but just— and then they see me going every single night after night after night, um, even if I'm only there for like 20 minutes, half an hour, or if I'm just stretching in there, like, I'm there.

Yeah.

And like, the amount of respect I get from, um, just the, you know, supervisors from the different departments and stuff is like something I never realized I'd actually like receive or like be so thankful for. Yeah, like just having built this discipline. Yeah, like, and it's, it's just, it's mainly other dudes, but like, it's like a great— it's, trust me, it just feels really good.

It's a motivator. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It feels better than like girls liking you just for like your physique or something. It's just because you, you just get— people give you respect because they know what you're doing is hard. They know how hard it is to be consistent. Yeah, I found journaling very hard to be consistent with. Yeah, like it was hard for me to sit down and open up my journal and write like a couple paragraphs than it was for me just to like put my gym gear on and go to the gym. Yeah, because it's just like, like I'm saying, it's like this new, new groove I'm trying to embed. And like, you know, when you're for over 20 years when you haven't been, um, journaling or anything, or like reflecting on your day, it's gonna be hard doing that. Like, just sitting down for 5 minutes was hard. It's like, I can't be fucked. Yeah, but it's like, just do it, bro. Yeah, like, and I think anything you start is hard, and like, the longer you leave it, it's just gonna be harder because you're just gonna be— you're just running down the same groove. Yeah, but like making it deeper and deeper and deeper. So you got to just slowly get out of there.

Yeah, not to say that, you know, I think anyone can change at any point in their life.

Exactly.

Of course, I've seen— you see transformation pictures online where, you know, 50-year-old dude has been fat all his life, and within 6 months of consecutive disciplined effort, you can change your entire life. Yeah, you know, it is that simple, and it it just comes down to what choices were you making before. I'm going to slowly change that, make new habits. It's all possible, you know, no matter what. Like, you shouldn't feel like, oh, it's too late, you know. Is it too late for me to start working out? That one's always like, no, you know. Yeah, okay, you're here now. What's your other option? You think it's too late? Like, I've had this from people that are like younger than me, and they go, bro, I'm 20, 22, I feel like I've missed out on my life. Like, is it, is it too late to start lifting? And I'm like, what the fuck, man? You're okay. First of all, you're 22, you have your entire life ahead of you. But I think that's maybe a more of a symptom of like social media where you'll see the absolutely jacked freak 18-year-old and be like, holy shit, why was I not working out since 12?

Yeah.

Comparison, you know, being the thief of joy a little bit in that sense. But you— what's your other option? Continue down the shit that you've been doing, or okay, time has passed, I, you know, but from now on I'm gonna make the change and the rest of my life is gonna be benefited because of it. And you're gonna feel better, look better, your work is gonna improve improve because you're in a better mindset. You know, that discipline of the gym translates to so many other things because it's like an easy measurable— like, you see your arms getting bigger from dedicating, working out, you know, for a few months, and then you're like, oh, fuck, okay, if I can do this, then, you know, I can make changes in anything as long as I'm consecutively doing something and committing to it, then it's a no-brainer. So if you think it's too late, it's not, you know, especially if you're young, 20s. As a dude, I think most— I would say the prime for dudes is, um, you know, mid-30s or whatever, where you have been working out hopefully for a few years and developed in your career, whatever that may be. Just general life experience where you, you realize all the things that you were worried about as younger person, I don't mean shit, you know. Hopefully you're reflecting on your past and you're gaining wisdom, and all of that contributes to a better mindset and a better quality of life overall. So, you know, the past is the past, but moving forward, you can— as long as you take ownership of your life and do the right things, you can change your life within 6 months. You know, it's not impossible. And I think a lot of people see social media stuff and get disheartened, whereas you should see that stuff and be motivated. Because, you know, what's the other option? Be a sad loser all your life? No, you don't have to do that.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, it's always gonna be hard at the start. It's always gonna be the hardest.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, um, I'm getting into like more yoga and stretching and— yeah, shit. Now, which, you know, I've had the thoughts like, should have started doing this ages ago. Yeah, but it's, you know, after having built that sort of— the sort of mindset I've had, I've gained just from like, uh, lifting weights and getting into calisthenics and getting into more like gymnastics elements It's just like, just don't even worry about that. Just, you know, now I just stretch more frequently. It's—

yep.

Yeah, it's, it's just never— it's just never too late. Like, if, if you only start doing it now, like, then you just start doing it now and you just move forward in life. Yeah. I don't even think— like, don't even wish you started earlier because it's like that pointless.

Yeah, it doesn't help anything.

Reality just doesn't exist and it can't. Yeah, it's, it's just about like now.

Yeah, the only thing that exists is the present moment. Yeah, and you should avoid time traveling, as it's called, you know, thinking about the possible future or regretting the past. Moving time in your own head is just a way to miss out on what's happening now.

Yeah, so Yeah, that's something I'm still working on, you know. Why am I stressing about the future? Yeah, why was I stressing about doing this podcast?

Exactly. We've done a full hour. I think we had some pretty good insight. Hopefully people enjoy it. @holisticbra on Twitter, go follow him. I'm gonna link his profile to the show notes, so Thanks for listening as always, and hope you enjoyed.

Yeah, I enjoyed it. We should do it again sometime.

For sure, it'd be a regular thing.

Cheers.

Thanks for coming.

Thank you. See you guys.

See ya.