21 Solcast - Episode Twenty-One: The Power of Gratitude, Stretching Explained and How to Attract Girls

Soulcast Episode 21. Welcome to the show. So, as is tradition, I like to start the episode with a bit of gratitude. Think about, you know, the people in the world, uh, that are in a different situation to yours where they might not have access to plentiful food, a fridge, internet, you know, a roof over your head at night. These are things we take for granted because, you know, our immediate community or environment, everyone has those things. It's kind of a given, but it is useful to have a bit of perspective and awareness sometimes. And because there are lots of places in the world where people don't have those comforts, uh, so just being aware of that, taking a step back at everything and having gratitude for things is, is super important to do on a regular basis. If we feel gratitude regularly for something, much more less likely to bemoan our situation in real life and you know, it just, it gives you perspective. It's like these other things don't really matter because, you know, I have so much already and I'm grateful for so much already. You know, the petty squabbles, the one worrying about the job is— at least you have a job, you know. It's having gratitude for these things which we don't appreciate makes everything else better as well. So that's the principle behind gratitude and why we want to express it as often as possible and feel it as much as possible and just consciously take a moment. Uh, that's why I think prayer before a meal is— has developed as a community thing that we see across cultures, is because it is good. Okay, first of all, you might not know this, but having a bit of a quiet moment and breathing through the nose before a meal is going to activate your parasympathetic nervous which is the one that promotes digestion and all the rest of it, as opposed to your sympathetic nervous system, which is, you know, your fight and flight response. Your sympathetic nervous system gets activated, so you're all hyped up, actually directs blood away from the digestive system. So it's good to have a little moment before your meal where you just— okay, I'm gonna stop, take a moment, maybe been rushing all morning or whatever, and just think about it. And some deep breaths in through the nose. And what that'll do is shift you to the parasympathetic nervous system, means you digest what you're eating a bit, a bit better. And so I think that's developed as a bit of a, like a, you know, we call these things a meme. It's an idea that propagates through cultures, uh, but I think it's developed over time in most cultures because it's beneficial to us, and behaviors that are biologically beneficial in that they make us healthier or whatever, or on the grand scheme of things, the population that does this behavior lives longer than the population that doesn't. So community and on— across average— across communities and populations, we see certain behaviors rise up because they're beneficial. And so, um, ideas that are silly and harm the people that have them, they end up just through that group not living as long and not propagating as much, they end up also dying out of existence as well. That's why the power of memes is so, uh, it's so useful and powerful as a biological concept. And we can see, you know, internet meme culture propagates in and of itself, and, you know, there are so many layers to it, and the memes change through time, and memes can affect the psyche of a community and a nation on the whole. You know, if you make a good meme that maybe it points out someone's hypocrisy or gets across a certain bit of information that, you know, is, is useful, then that meme gets shared more and spread more. So that's the idea behind it anyway. Looping back to my original statement was gratitude. You know, being grateful and saying thank you for this meal, just taking a moment. Boom. That's a good thing to do regularly for everything that we kind of take, uh, take no notice of really on a day-to-day basis in the modern world. Uh, and being grateful for things, which will mean everything else gets put into perspective and your problems don't seem to be problems really anymore. It's like Do I really have problems? You know, I've got a roof over my head, I've got enough to eat, I'm not going to die in the immediate future. Kind of reminds me of a different point to make. It's a useful tool to dealing with the idea of, you know, your problems in your life. If you're feeling stressed out by something, anxious about something, worried about something, angry about something, Stop. Is this going to matter in a few minutes? So that's the, you know, the smallest time frame really. Maybe you're standing in line and someone cuts in front of you or some small annoyance like that. Is it gonna be— is it gonna matter in a few minutes? No. Well then, don't worry about it. Is this gonna matter next week? Oh, sorry, tomorrow. Is this gonna matter next week? Is this going to matter in a few months from now? A few years from now? If you can ask yourself all those questions about something and the answer is no, it doesn't matter, then why worry? Just— it doesn't matter. You know, a lot of designing the right mental headspace is eliminating what you thought were problems, just biological analysis of them. In a way. And if you can logically just be shown, oh, actually this isn't an issue, this isn't a problem, like I'm just— you're creating this extra mental worry for literally no reason, then you'll be like, okay, well that seems dumb, I'm just going to stop worrying about those things. You know, what's outside of my control and what's inside my control, that's the dichotomy. But creating that headset, that mind space where problems that everyone kind of assumes— like, small talk is always like, oh, this guy cut me off in traffic. Oh no, but then, oh, but what about the weather yesterday? Oh my God. Or, you know, these assumptions about things, or if something's already happened, they'll whine and bemoan, so how could this happen to me? And all of this bullshit, and none of it's real. None of it's real. It's just the ideas that people have in their heads that they propagate to themselves across years. They end up believing it, and their life and worldview is colored through that. It's the idea of mental software. Whatever you're viewing through life is getting run by your particular software that you have installed. Installed on your brain, figuratively. If someone tells you something useful, a good bit of information, or just a statistic about the world, or a simple phrase or saying that can just stick in your head and go, oh shit, you know, that makes sense, that's an upgrade on your mental software. But you can have viruses to these things. They are assumptions that aren't real, fears that aren't real, worries that aren't real, you know, the ego, all the traps of that where you, you want to attack other people if you feel insecure or threatened, or you are jealous of someone else. Removing those is like removing viruses on a computer, and then your mind is going to run smoother and better, just like a computer would if you ran antivirus software. So that's the idea behind philosophical reading. If they're talking about the mind, is that I'll read a paragraph and it'll portray something in a new way and it'll just sink in with you and you'll be like, oh, and you can get big breakthroughs from, from reading stuff like this. Or, you know, even this podcast, I'm giving you tools that you're then going to take on board. Some you'll agree with, some you won't. But that mental software is now installed on your head, and maybe that improves your gym lifts or your relationships or something like that. You're now running a more optimized level of software in your brain. So you can think of it like that. Reading obviously adds to the knowledge that we have. Uh, work on yourself through managing any trauma you might have is another good one. But when you solve these emotional, mental problems, or you, you realize that maybe you're being anxious about shit that doesn't matter, or just worrying about stuff when it doesn't matter, it's outside of your control, something like that, that takes mental energy. It takes energy for your brain to have a thought. You need calories. Like, a lot of your food that you take in each day is just to fuel the brain. So the When you eliminate these mental battles, you have more energy available in the battery of your brain and body to direct to other things, things that are important, things that matter, or things that can help you. Or even, you know, considering a problem if you're studying or whatever it is, that energy is now directed to something positive. And where energy goes Sorry, where attention goes, energy flows. So now some of the energy is being directed into positive things. You literally like recover better in the gym because you're, you know, you have more calories available for the repair of muscles instead. Uh, de-stressing overall is a massive like gym hack, you know. Levels of cortisol, uh, impact your muscle building capacity. If they're too high all the time, uh, then that actually puts you in a catabolic state. So distressing your life, whether that's through a change of circumstances— you get away from that job you really hate— or just a change of scenery or something like that, or you fix something in your life where you're not as stressed, that's actually— you're going to be up positive benefactor to your amount of muscle you can put on. You know, so I encourage naps for people that are actually serious about putting on muscle. You know, that extra bit of sleep and recovery is a game changer if you can fit a nap into your day. You know, if you really look at it and rearrange your priorities— what, I don't have time for a nap? You know, like, people seem to get offended when I say it because it's like, again, it's their ego. They're like, oh, but I can't, I can't take a nap at my job. And so they have a few feel a need to defend themselves or whatever. It's just like, okay dude, then you can't nap, whatever. Anyway, uh, that is a great muscle building technique. Um, de-stressing overall so you're more relaxed, you're not in that hyper-reactive cortisol heightened state, is literally going to make you bigger. So if you seriously want to bodybuild, then look at eliminating the stresses from your life. Um, excessive stress— of course some stress is needed Uh, as like, we just want to make sure it's the right stress, you know, physical stress on the body. If you're training hard and also stressed at work or with your family all the time outside of work, outside of the gym, you don't have as much time recovering. Ideally, if you're like really, really focused on muscle building, you want all of your recovery energy to be focused or directed to the stress you put yourself under in the gym. The physical stress. Cortisol goes up for exercise after a while, but the short intense bouts where we get in, stress the muscle so that we elicit some muscular growth, you know, some new stress on the muscle we're trying to create, and then the rest of your day, ideally, bodybuilders would, you know, nap, walk around, just relax, really, uh, get out in the sun, get in the ocean. Obviously that's not doable for everyone, but you know, the biggest bodybuilders, that was their life. And then they're also sleeping 10 hours at night as well, you know, that their life was prioritized around— if they had the means to and the money, uh, their only stressor being the physical stress, because it is such a large stress when you're at that level, you— the volume you're doing or the hours you're working out or whatever, uh, you, you really have to have every available bit of energy to repair the body if you want your best chance, you know, to put on muscle. The body doesn't necessarily want to put on muscles. There are a few strategies that you can incorporate to create the most anabolic environment within the body. That's what you want to do because the human body, you know, naturally, you know, it's hard to put on muscle. Really, relatively, you can stay fairly slim with a modicum of work, but to get to the upper echelons of muscle, like, you need to be, you know, pushing yourself and lifting a lot of weights, which not everyone wants to do. And then you also have to have the recovery enough, uh, to put the muscle on, which not everyone has either, you know. It's another thing, vitamins and minerals. If, you know, people sometimes will look at supplements that bodybuilders take and be, you know, oh, why do you need all those things? It's like your body needs a certain amount of critical vitamins and minerals to do what it needs to do throughout the day. Stresses take a toll on that, so your nutritional need is higher. This is just to exist, right? And then you add on top of that the physical stressor of stress and increasing the amount of physical stress on the body over time— progressive overload— you're going to need even more nutrients and minerals to optimally account for that, and then also have an excess of creating new muscle. So with vitamins and minerals and supplements that you take, yes, you might not necessarily need, uh, a vitamin C supplement, but it doesn't hurt for you who's pushing your body to the extreme and also want to optimally gain muscle, is to have an excess of that available for whatever it is that the body needs in the body. Same with magnesium, zinc, uh, pretty critical one for testosterone production. You know, these things you never want your body to say it goes to complete a biological process and it goes, "Ooh, levels of this are a bit low, maybe let's just ramp that production down a bit." Because that's what happens almost. So having the whole food supplements on top of what you're eating, which is a healthy and balanced diet, can— no, it's not necessary to live, but if you want the optimum muscle mass and rate of muscle acquisition, then you You know, it helps to just top up with those things. It makes sense. Anyway, um, first topic I want to talk about, uh, on this episode of the Soulcast, uh, is yoga and stretching in general, flexibility, so on and so forth. I assume you would have already heard me, you know, decry the benefits of stretching many maybe on social media before, but I really wanted to just hone in on why strategies for stretching, what I do, that kind of thing. So stretching, obviously, I like to kind of define it by the, you know, the active control you have within range, the excessive range of motion of a muscle group. If it's tight The moniker of stretching is a bit misleading because you're not— it's not that you are stretching this tight muscle that's like— it's not this bit of string which gets pulled out when you stretch, right? It's— stretching is more the act of assuming a position and connecting with the physical body there to expand your range of motion, and you need conscious control of those muscle cells. It's almost strength. It is— well, it is strength at the end ranges of motion. And yes, there's, there's tension there because the muscles haven't been used or they're weak in that end range of motion. And what happens is, as the, you know, biological protection mechanism is is the body makes it tight there so it's not used. So because it knows if it goes to those end range of motion, it's going to hurt yourself or you're weak in that. So it protects that area because it hasn't been used. So what I found is a good way to think about stretching is when you're in those positions, try and feel like you're, you know, the mind-muscle connection, putting yourself into that muscle group and visualize new muscle cells forming and then visualize— you'll know what I mean when you try this— visualize you getting more active control and strength and trying to flex the extra muscle that you're kind of unlocking through this process of stretching. That's, uh, I think it's called PNF stretching. Not sure what that stands for, but that's the, the method of it. And it's like that conscious tension or acquisition of tension in the end range, uh, where you might have been— had weak muscles before. And then when you have that tension, and then let go and release into the stretch a bit further, and repeat that process as like an active thing rather than just, okay, I'm putting my leg on the floor and I can feel my hamstring and it's— yeah, it feels a bit stiff. Like, really actively treat stretching as the process of, okay, I'm connecting with my body I'm going to try and awaken some new muscles, muscle cells in that area, uh, and then also release tension on the release. So you like, when people do the splits, it— imagine like you're walking and except, you know, you're moving your legs forward and taking them apart. And then imagine if you just took a really big step but you had control through all range of the motion, that means you have control and flexibility as such in that end range. So how I do stretching, uh, after every workout I'll do maybe 4 or 5 stretches at the gym, uh, directly after the workout, focusing on the muscle group that I just trained. So if I've trained legs, done some squats, I'll stretch my hammies, quads, hip flexors I'll foam roll a bit as well, just to get that tightness and tension out of the muscles. So post-workout stretching, um, depending on what I've just trained, and also stretch mainly before bed, uh, but in the morning as well. But before bed, I do usually a 20 to 30 minute yoga sequence. I'll just go on YouTube and find one that I like. And that's an easy way to do it. Don't have to follow anything, of course. I'd have my yoga mat out by my bed so I can just kind of— oh, it's right there, let's hop on, do some stretching, do some foam rolling. Uh, it's accessible and easy to, you know, get into that mindset. That's a good little hack if you want to improve your consistency of doing something. It's like the idea of just putting your gym clothes out the night before so you can just get up, boom, it's right there. Your brain has less excuse to kind of dive away if it's, if it's easier and it's more accessible. So putting a yoga mat next to your bed is a good one to encourage yourself to stretch because, you know, it's just there, you can see it. And doing it before bed, it's just going to relax you and release a bit of tension, make sure you're all, all ready to go and relax nice and tired for bed. In the morning, more of a dynamic moving around, like a little bit of warm-up, a do some— what I like to do is, is when I wake up, uh, and then, you know, get my bearings, like I've awoken a little bit, uh, I'll do a glute bridge where I just stick my— lift my hips up off the ground, and you hold that for a while, and that's just gonna wake everything up, uh, push a bit of blood down to your legs, uh, through your core, uh, and just do, you know, however many feels good of that. Body weight, obviously. And that's a nice easy way to wake up and just get things moving a little bit because you can sometimes feel a bit dazed. Um, not really now that I've got my sleep in check, but you know, the principle's there. Not all the time. Uh, so dynamic stretching in the morning, do some bodyweight squats is a really big one, hip mobility. Uh, I like to also sometimes do a few different things with resistance bands. So they're just like right here on my shelf in my room as well. Um, you can do whatever you want. You can do curls, you can do, uh, band, uh, monster walks for the glutes and legs if you just put them around your knees just to wake up, get the blood flowing. It's going to wake you up, um, quite well. And then also do a few stretches just to get going. So that's when I stretch. That's when I would recommend you stretch, but Yoga in itself is a great way to access this stretching while also having a spiritual practice, because that's what yoga initially started out was the, the spiritual practice of just sitting there being with your thoughts and, you know, investigating the mind there. But they introduced these physical positions because they, you know, it was— they figured it was hard for people to just sit there and not move. So this brand of physical yoga as well sprung up. So I think it gets lost a little bit in, uh, the westernization of yoga. Uh, there's obviously a lot— most yoga classes are good, at least the ones that I've been to. They do try and introduce the spiritual side of it. But, uh, if you're doing it just at a gym or sometimes, it can be a bit lost in that sense. But it is a spiritual pro— uh, process as well, an activity. You know, the, the way that yoga forces you to focus and get into the muscle and connect to your body, and also how good it makes you feel because it clears your mind, releases tension. Connecting to the body and that awareness of the body and the awareness of the mind and just connection to yourself, that is what spirituality is. That's a spiritual practice, getting closer to that oneness of God, which is you know, call it God, call it Source, whatever you want. That all-encompassing, all-knowing, just awareness, that energy, that intelligence that is separate to the egoic mind, and that which is part of everyone and all life on this planet and the universe. That's what you get to, uh, on the spiritual path eventually. That realization that we are all part of the same thing. So when you show love to other people, that's the best thing that we can do in this world because we are, you know, we're all in this together in a sense, and we all are the same thing. So that once you realize that, it makes it easier to, I guess, care for other people or The idea is to aim to be in service of other people. That's, you know, the end goal and I think the quickest way to happiness in a way. Well, that's, that's where you realize what's important. And I'm not saying I'm there yet at all, you know, I'm trying and learning things every day. But yeah, it seems like there are a lot of ways to get to this realization. One of them is yoga. One of them is the physical body, what I call physical spiritualism, is being so connected to the muscles in the set that nothing else matters, nothing else exists, and just being one with your body is a beautiful feeling and one I think that everyone has felt, but maybe they haven't mentalized before or put into words. It's existing outside of the running mind and really pushing yourself in a set in the gym. It's hard to, you know, really get, get deep. David Goggins says that most people quit at 50% or some bullshit like that. So, well, I would say you're probably a lot more capable. It's— it literally just is all in the mind. I'm not saying go out and bench press 250 kilos, of course, but you'll find that maybe for like a moderate weight where it's safer for you to push yourself, uh, you'll know, like, you'll, you'll want to stop. But then if you actually just go, okay, no, I'm gonna allow the physical pain to exist for a moment, and I'm just gonna but push out the reps. And I'm gonna separate my mind from that burning sensation in my head. So it's— yeah, it's there, but I'm not gonna be like, oh no, fuck, this is hurting. Like, okay, whatever, it's a sensation in the mind. You push past that, and that battle where you're like, one more rep, come on, bitch, you can do it, uh, or compared to, nah dude, just fucking drop the weight, it's too hard, we're not gonna get this one, um, that battle is a test of will, and that has spiritual benefits in itself, uh, in whether you— it functions as a discipline of something in some other areas. But that's the kind of the key that a lot of people find in physical training and weight training. It's like, you, you hear a lot People say, "Weights saved my life," because the weights teach you that in a very visceral manner, when you put in the time, you can achieve progress, and it shows physically on your body very quickly after you first start lifting. And you eventually realize the results that you get out relate to the results you you put in, sorry, which is, you know, across the board true. Relationships, business, the effort you put in, the study you do, whatever is related to the grades you get. But lifting weights can teach that to people as well as you get a beautiful dopamine effect from exercise that most people don't realize. But it's the meditative effect of When you're at the bottom of a set, you know, maybe it's a set of 20 of squats, decent weight still, nothing exists other than that burning sensation in your legs and you pushing, struggling badly to get another rep. You're not worried about what that dickhead from work was saying to you and it wasn't your fault but he blamed you to the boss. You're not worried about some other bullshit. You're just in the moment, presence, awareness, and focus. And that's beautiful to some people because maybe they haven't felt that at all before. And it's— it— everyone feels it. You— your mind is clear, you know, that anxious, worried voice in your head gets quietened by exercise. It's— I View it as a manifestation of unused physical energy. You're ever feeling like some weird anxious thoughts, or you're down and whatever, go move the body. Bang out some pull-ups, go for a walk around the block, anything, and you'll feel a million times better. There's no exaggerating. It's just like, oh, okay, that was just boom, something you can work out Um, I think everyone's experienced that, but that can swing into people dealing with the other parts of their life. They first had discipline with lifting, they feel better, they look better. Okay, I have a bit more energy and motivation to tackle other things. Let's improve my work situation and, you know, break up with that person that was It was a horrible relationship I shouldn't have been in. You know, these things which then carry on to other great things and snowball into the beautiful gratitude spiral that I was talking about at the start of the Soulcast is realizing that everything gets better with work and with effort, smart effort, and you're a human being So you have the capability to do anything you put your mind to. That's a, that's a fact. You are uniquely adaptable in this world. We have a wealth of information at our fingertips. You can learn to do something, anything you put your mind to as a human. That's our birthright. Like a beaver, put them in the African savanna, they're not going to survive. They'll be like, oh shit, where's my, where's my dam? Where's my What trees do I— I can't make it down here, there's no water. But you put a human, move a human from the African savannah to the beaver's environment, they will learn how to, you know, adapt to their environment. And we see that where humans have split up across the world, different cultures have formed, and we've conquered those new environments. You know, most humans, barring some are adaptable to any environment you put them in. So you consciously change the environment you put yourself in and the information you're bringing on and the skill you want to learn, you can do anything. It's not an exaggeration. Like, okay, maybe you won't have the genetics to become an Olympic sprinter, but for the most part, like, I've— you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. It sounds like a motivational speech, but it's true. It's cliché, but because it's true. I forgot where I was going with that. Nice sentiment though. But we're going to take a music break and I want you to do some pull-ups if you can. Find somewhere, maybe a tree outside, or maybe you have a pull-up bar at home. Go smash out a set. And we'll be back in a second. We are back in the building, in the studio, in my bedroom actually, uh, but it would be sick to get a studio when I move house. Usually in the study, but in my bedroom for this one, in the compound as there's gonna be a podcast studio attached. That's where I'll take guests, and then we'll also hit a workout, sauna, ice plunge pool. This is the vision that I have to build, uh, maybe in like within 5 years, I would say. Maybe 3. Yeah, let's say 3 years, because why not? I want to make a gym one day, just have it primo perfect, uh, probably you know, have wood in the change rooms, little touches like that, have it style it old school, I think would be cool. And to use that as like a wellness complex, not just a gym. And we'd have obviously yoga, meditation classes, nutrition seminars, all the rest, all those good things. So try and build it as sort of a community, a health community, instead of just a gym, uh, and then I would never have to leave either. I'd, uh, I'd have everything I needed at the one place. Uh, that's maybe— that's the main reason I want to build it. But I think with all those things in the same place, that would just make a cool place, you know? People would enjoy that. Uh, people love all that sort of thing. So I just— if I could have it to my exact specifications and, you know, preferably build it on the beach so there's a little outdoor bit as well. Uh, but we'll see, we'll see. I want to make Muscle Beach, uh, like they have in, in Venice Beach in America. I want to bring that to Australia. So I want to be the first chain, shall we say, or not even— it doesn't even have to be a chain, doesn't even have to be a business thing. I would just like to see we have, you know, at least some area of our beautiful beaches or at least close to the beach, would be so cool to have these, you know, bodyweight rings, monkey bars, rope climbs, places for dips. You know, it's just natural movement of the body, all outdoors, obviously shirt off in the beautiful sun. There's no better way to have exercise, uh, on my opinion, in my opinion. The gains you will see from working out like that, uh, you have improved vascularity, body temperature is going to be high, you're going to be warmer, which is good for the gym. You know, it's actually a bit detrimental that most gyms these days have air conditioning. It's a lot harder for your body to heat up, uh, which is going to be better for, you know, the warmth of your muscles. You're not going to push past the, um, a range of motion you're not warmed up for. Uh, it's just good to have that higher body temperature when you're working out, get a sweat on, you know, proper sweat means you're clearing the skin as well. That is a bit harder in a commercial gym. So in the compound that I'm building, there'll be a more of a dungeon style, still clean, still nice, uh, dungeon style, you know, maybe the heat is on a little bit, just get everyone sauced up and warm, uh, is, is a much better, healthier, conducive workout environment. That all being in the sun, obviously, but we'll have indoors and outdoors, don't worry. We'll have everything. Smoothie bar, of course, you know, a massage center, um, you name it, it's gonna have it if it's good and cool. Uh, that's, I guess, kind of the same idea as the, the island compound idea, or buying the island, uh, with all you fellas out there. Well, lucky few fellas, I guess, because first round probably want 15 to 20 people, I guess. Um, but yeah, the idea behind that being just building a space of people that are location independent, that are all interested in the same things like we are on Twitter, uh, and the other platforms. And knowing that we're going in there with the idea and the motivation and energy behind it to just, okay, let's all work together, let's actually build a community and let's help each other out. And the business networking thing, like, I think communities as a whole, we've become so fractionated in the West where we live in our house and we have our immediate family, but it's not as common to genuinely have a community that you engage with on the regular and have, you know, families that you work with and together. Like, there's so much power in numbers and going in on investments together things like that where everyone's of the same goal and, you know, maybe they're working on the ego so there's no business fucking deal BS, or— and everyone's keen to lift and go in the ice baths and do the meditation and the spiritual work as well. Having a community like that where everyone's just feeding off each other would just be insane. Whatever your interests are, it doesn't even have to be an island and bro shit like I'm interested in. Um, just having a community where you're genuinely trying to help each other out and exist as a tribe, and you, you do things for the betterment of the tribe, not just yourself, uh, and then you have a lot more power when you're together. You know, one stick can be broken, but many sticks together, it's a lot harder to break them. Uh, lame analogy, but you get what I mean. That's the idea behind the island, I guess. Plus living in a tropical island, sick. Sun all the time. MMA training as well. Not that I am an expert at all in that, but it would be cool to spar. People can teach me that. See, that's what I mean. There'll probably be guys there that do know how to fight, and then they can teach me, and I can teach them something that I know, and just build and fucking live and grow and do it together as we were meant to do as humans. We lost that. It's very individual and it's, oh, what's best for me? When you have, you know, millions of people in a city all thinking what's best for me rather than my, what's best for my city or my tribe, it kind of, that number gets too big once you reach a number of, I forget what the name of the number is called, but it's like 110 around that. And it's the number of actual like meaningful relationships that most humans can hold before they start forgetting others or whatever else. So once you have these huge cities of millions of people, you can't really all act as one as much. Your brain can't handle it. So yes, you have patriotism and hopefully do the right thing, but those tribes, those groups of like 100 or so people, obviously the island, whatever, would be a bit less. So it's that idea that, you know, the human mind is wired to thrive in a tribe environment rather than a what's best for me. And that's on the whole going to improve everyone's quality of life more so than the sum of its parts. The individual working for the individual— there's this— it's unequal in the maximum capacity of, let's say, life, wealth in every facet, uh, than all those individuals added together. There's more on the tribe's capacity to win and grow and learn. So yeah, return to tribal living is what I'm saying. Whether that's the island soon, whether that's we all buy farms somewhere rurally and, you know, we, we all have acres and acres, but we all also have like bordering properties and all get together and hang out, that kind of thing. It's nice if you could select the neighbors you know, consciously and be, okay, I'm gonna go live with these people that I'm interested with. Like, I think that's the future in terms of community safety and these tumultuous times, is knowing you have neighbors around that you can rely on and that your kids can go stay with if, if they are in trouble or something like that. Like, those are valid things that we have to think about if I think as a man you are analyzing the world around us as it is today, knowing and visualizing and trying to design your life in a way that's going to be the most beneficial for your eventually— eventual family, or even just you. That's like, you can't just let your life be chosen for you. You have to intelligently look at it and be the architect of it and see what's going to be best for you in terms of the choices that you make. In the coming years and consciously seek out people that you can rely on as part of that end grand scheme. Okay, I want to be settled with my, uh, my partner. I look to have kids, and what environment do I want to be that in? That— what— where is it going to make the most sense to live? You know, can I rely on the community around me? Uh, can I give back to my community? You know, the, the social benefit and the, the mental benefit that it gives us to help others is bar none. You know, you want to feel good and get out of your depression, go help someone. Go carry someone's groceries. Go pay for someone's meal. Like, you will not believe the feeling that you get from doing that versus, oh, how can I make myself feel better? You help someone else feel better, you will feel a million dollars too, because it's a good thing to do. If everyone's helping each other all the time— hey mate, what can I do to help you? Like, can I carry groceries? You know, that kind of thing where just helping someone out for the sake of it because you care about another human being in this world, uh, or in your community, and just wanting to do a good thing for them. There's, there's no more motivation needed than that. So if we could all do that, world would be an amazing place. So I did want to get into the topic of women in this podcast. It is an extensive topic, probably the most important for most dudes, but let's talk about that a little bit. I mean, it's such a large topic that you can't really cover it in, in just one podcast, but I wanted to speak about a piece that I wrote the other week. About women and about some themes or ideas that you can incorporate into your life to maybe help navigate the, uh, the girl situation a little bit more. If you are finding it a little bit tricky, or maybe your relationships aren't going as well as they could be, there are a few things as a guy you need to understand or realize that will help being attractive to girls, but just the quality of your relationships in general. It's all about improving yourself so that you can facilitate, you know, a better relationship and, you know, attract and be more attractive because your energy, because of, you know, your physicality or your mentality and your spirituality. It's a side of attraction. If someone's open and loving, that's much more attractive than the a person that finds it very hard to open up or doesn't find it easy to show love. Like, I'll give a stranger a hug, I don't care. Like, it's whatever, dude, you know, we're all part of the same thing. And then that can come and show itself within a relationship. If someone shows you physical affection, that's more attractive, those kinds of things. You're not arguing, you're not sweating over the small stuff that doesn't matter. You're not feeding this weird emotional energy because you feel slighted for no reason, or you made an assumption, whatever it is. If you're spiritually aware or mentally aware of your own shortcomings as well, then you can much more easily navigate a relationship and be a nice person in general, which of course is more, is more attractive to everyone. There's a, there is a skill of navigating and nurturing the health of your relationships, uh, which gets underlooked. And this is any relationship, not just male-female relationship, but spending quality time together, uh, actually being with each other and going, whether you're going to yoga or you're literally just spending time in the house together or going for a walk, it's all always good to do something active together, no phones, whatever it is. Quality time together is how you build a relationship and you're actually engaged and you ask about each other's day or whatever it is. That's important. Emotional management, I kind of touched on that before. If you have the emotional skills to not take out your frustration on your partner, that's a huge one. It's like your partner, for a lot of people, becomes a punching bag for their emotions. And that's not fair on the partner. That's not fair on anyone else. Unfortunately, it's just the nature of, well, yeah, it's the nature of your relationships and emotions is that you have to, you should deal with your own shit. You know, you shouldn't bring your emotional baggage, whatever it is from, and unload it onto your partner or anyone, but especially not your partner who's meant to be the person that, you know, you value the most, or your romantic relationship in this life. Not the most, but you know what I'm saying. Someone you care about deeply and you're unloading your emotional energy to them rather than, you know, a stranger or whatever. That is a relationship skill in itself. Some people have got it down and some people, everyone needs reminding from now and now, from now and again. Always telling the truth. Is a huge one for both— for everyone in all relationships and life in general. If you go into a relationship and you project this lie of yourself because you think it's going to help attract the other person, or project this image of yourself that the other person is going to find more attractive than— other than your real self, so you're projecting a this image of something, and then maybe the other person is also doing the same, is, is being this type of person that she thinks will attract this fake version of you. So you've got two fake realities, two fake personalities interacting with each other. And can you see the problems that can arise when two different people are creating these fake personalities? So the other person only sees that side. Of course, they're not privy to the inner machinations of your mind. It's just they just see what they see is in front of them, is being presented to them. Then they're also doing the same. So neither one of you knows what the true reality of the person is, or the true person, uh, demeanor or mood or interests or whatever it is. So you're never going to build a meaningful relationship that works starting from that basis. Telling the truth means not saying something because you think it's going to make the other person like you more. Just telling the truth, like, in terms of what you want out of a relationship or how you feel about the relationship. You know, if you're telling the truth, you're honestly displaying what it is you want to get out of a relationship. You're only going to get into relationships with people that also like the same things as you. And are on the same terms. And this lying that we do to either check someone's feelings or protect our feelings— we lie to ourselves about the relationship as well. If you're always telling the truth, you don't run into those situations and those mismatches. And, you know, lying in itself creates its own drama. So just being honest about your intentions, your thoughts, feelings, feelings, then you're not going to get in a mismatch with someone else who maybe they're attracted to that, but it's not actually you, or, you know, all these things that can hinder a relationship. Always telling the truth is a good way to get around that. Once you get the hang of those kind of core techniques in navigating all human relationships, the quality of relationships can deepen because you're confident in yourself, you're confident in themselves. You're both here showing up. You've dealt with your shit, coming together into a relationship where you both are working and giving and loving to produce something greater than the sum of the two parts. I've said that twice this podcast, but it's the same idea. That is a proper relationship. If you have a transactional attitude, towards relationships. That's a low consciousness mindset that makes it almost impossible to have a deep bond with the opposite sex. It's this idea that I'm only nice to someone because I want to get sex out of it or attention out of it, whatever it is. You're not really giving and loving to the other person just for the sake sake of giving and loving because you want to celebrate the other person or just be good to them. You're only in the relationship because you want something out of it. That in itself means you're never going to have those deep emotional connections. Lower consciousness mindset in general is a way of doing things out of love and instead of doing things for the sake of getting something back. You know, someone can do the same thing with different energetic motivations and one could be attractive to the girl and one cannot be attractive. Say it's paying for dinner. One guy is paying for dinner because he thinks that it's going to get him sex if he does it and he wants to be nice to the girl. She can feel that. The other guy is just, you know, he invited you to the date, he can afford to pay and he wants to, and he's secure in that, and he pays for the date out of love, out of whatever. I'm not, you know, gonna hold it against you or whatever. It's just, I want to do it. The girl can feel that as well. Girls can feel your energy with the way you do things, and if you are angry at girls or are not coming to want to acquire a relationship with the right attitude and mindset, then it's not going to go as well. And girls can sense that. To truly find like a meaningful connection with a girl as well, you have to be willing and able to be truly vulnerable. This can result sometimes in your heart being broken. That's the That's the gist of it. But the alternative is never to truly be loved either because you're not bearing yourself on the table and trusting the other person. Sometimes being stoic to the point of emotionless is not a good long-term strategy. If you want a girl to devote herself entirely to you, then you have to be willing to do the same to them. That's, you know, endgame wifey scenario, of course. In that. But principle is the same for all relationships. You have to honestly show up, be yourself, have worked on yourself, not bring emotional baggage into it, and just have a good time and be as attractive as you can for the— your partner. Um, it's really— once you nail down the key skills like that, uh, you have similar interests, um, then that's That's the best foot to start on in terms of building a relationship. But I got sidetracked. I was kind of talking about the polarity between the feminine essence, the girl, and the masculine essence, the boy. The more masculine you are, the more feminine the girl you will attract. That's pretty straightforward. Opposites attract energy, clearing away all the bullshit. Becoming more masculine, becoming more, you know, focused on your task in life, your mission, your purpose. That needs to come first. And if a guy has that, that's very attractive to girls, is when a guy is on a mission. And whether that's building a business or pursuing a sport career or some overarching goal that the guy is enamored with, uh, it's good if that— if it comes with making money, but it's not necessarily needed. You know, that the struggling artist is a very attractive figure, and it's because he has a passion and he's, you know, focused on his craft. And it's, it's cool that a guy knows an instrument, uh, and he's pursuing his passion, that kind of thing. That's very attractive to women. Uh, and where guys can slip up is when they make the girl the only focus of their life. And when that happens, you're going to be seen as supplicating and needy because you don't want to upset the girl because that's like your biggest focus in life. You know, everyone knows the guy that when he gets a girlfriend, he drops off the face of the earth, doesn't see his mates anymore. Maybe he stops going to the gym. You know, it's like, what are you doing, dude? Like, you're getting more unattractive to the girl. On top of that, you're acting more unattractive, like suffocating and needy, the girl's just going to be put off by that and doesn't want the only focus of your life to be on her. She wants to be part of your life, and a big part of course, but not the only focus, because that just comes across as, you know, groveling, and really is not a good place to be as a man. So that polarity of you embracing masculine characteristics, leading in a way the relationship and the direction and all the rest of it, that is a masculine essence. Of course, it requires a lot of self-work to get to that point if, if you don't naturally feel it. Uh, but they are behaviors that, you know, can be cultivated and just relationship skills and life skills in general that if with practice, um, you can become more attractive or just as a more attractive human being in general. Your energy is better. You know, if you've ever felt someone that has bad energy, a bad vibe around them, it's usually because they have a lot of negativity and anger towards the world and other people can feel that. If you can work on yourself to the point where you're happy in your life and grateful to be alive and happy to share it and want to help other people, that's— people can sense that also. And that's an attractive energy to be around. Everyone wants to be around the person that makes them feel good. You know, why would people want to be around people that make you feel bad? Of course, it's only natural. So to attract girls, for the most part, you know, just, just focus on yourself, uh, improve your lot in life, figure out your passion. Improve yourself physically, start dressing better if you've let that slide. All these things which don't even involve the girls at all, really. But if you do them and focus on improving these realms overall, then you will, you will notice the girls will start paying interest in you. It's a natural byproduct of these behaviors rather than going out, okay, I'm gonna get a girlfriend or relationship. Like, it doesn't work as well that way. One other thing that's kind of related to telling the truth in a sense, and a byproduct of telling the truth, is again the idea of polarity in a way, or polarizing girls. If a girl says something you don't agree with, don't seek to agree and supplicate in the hopes of not upsetting her. You know, if you disagree with her, say so and entertain discussion playfully. If you agree with her, say so too. You know, this honesty and going for what you believe in and sticking by that, becoming true and righteous in your conversation, translates to a much more honest and attractive personality because you know that someone's not being dishonest with you and you know they're not going to change themselves for you. So, you know, you take it or leave it. Being more forthcoming and honest about your opinions will probably bring with it some girls that don't like what you say. But that's the other benefit of telling the truth, is that within your relationships and just meeting people in general, if someone doesn't like what you have to say, you know, and so you don't have to associate with them, you know, or in terms of your, like, meaningful relationships. It, even when you disagree with someone about something, it can be to your benefit when they recognize that you're not going to change who you are just for them. Quality that everyone respects. And it's also going to manifest relationships that are more fiery and passionate and attractive because there's, there's no BS to get through of. To get through and you're both just honestly laying out on the table. And so you realize, oh shit, this is someone I actually really like and enjoy spending time with and we have the same opinions about things. And that attraction can form a lot quicker because you're not projecting this fake reality of yourself around. That's another benefit of telling the truth as well. You know, these things with attracting girls, it's never a question. It's never the best strategy to go out and try to get girls. Obviously you have to approach girls if you want to talk to girls out in the wild. But I mean, in terms of how do I get more girls, the best strategy you can take is to work on yourself, whether that's relationship skills, your self-love, that you're not emotionally fucking up the relationship or telling the truth. So that you're honestly honest about who you are so you can attract the people you're meant to be with. Working on your business, your mission, all of these things which indirectly attract women but are a better chance of you getting girls than just, um, focusing on the girls themselves. I will say as a roller into that. If you're not talking to girls and you want to talk to girls, you're gonna have to go to talk to new girls and approach new girls out and about or do activities where they're there. It's not gonna fall into your lap. Of course, if you can monk mode yourself and gain in a lot of areas, you still need to talk to girls and interact with girls. It's not gonna just fall into your lap. But it's also to not, you know, it's also okay to not want to pursue a romantic relationship relationship at every point in your life. If you just want to have a bit of time to yourself and work on yourself, that's also good. But I'm just saying, you know, some people expect a great relationship to fall into their hands. Um, even when they are working on themselves, you still need to put yourself out there, uh, especially dudes. But yeah, I hope that has contributed a little bit to mental framework of male-female relationships. Uh, I've I'm sure I will bring that topic up, or it will come up many a time over the years of Soulcast that will be created. So, I'll speak more about that another time. Thank you for listening. If you are not signed up to my mailing list, get on that, www.solbrah.com. Just put in your email, make sure to confirm. I put out a lot of— not a lot, but I put out some really good quality stuff. Stuff. They're mainly gym routines, uh, specific chest routine just got sent out, uh, but I'm going to be looking to, to write some email exclusive content through there. So if you want to know what I'm all about and sign up to updates, then get on www.solbrah.com. Thank you for listening, episode 21. Uh, we'll be back. Peace and love as always. Bye.