62 - EP 62 with Winston: The Life of a Writer and Being True to Your Artistic Soul

Let's go. All right, Winston, welcome. It feels so good to be back. It's been too long for the Soulcast, and, um, I have with me my good friend Winston. Welcome, sir.

Welcome, man. Appreciate you having me. Uh, looking forward to chatting, dude. You're a big role model for me, big in and out on social media, so I'm excited.

Appreciate that, man. Uh, it's been great to see your come up, which it has been over the last year, I'm sure. Uh, why don't you speak about how has your life changed over the last 2 years or so, thanks to social media, thanks to, you know, you putting in the hard yards, the work, the writing? Uh, what's, what's the journey like, been like?

Yeah, uh, good question. And it's been kind of a zigzag. It's something now that, you know, getting older, you kind of see that things aren't really linear. So yes, I'm beginning to just really kind of find my own style. Uh, it took like a couple years to, yeah, to kind of, you know, get to that point. You probably had the same experience. I feel like you get to where you're seeing so many other opinions, so many other approaches, especially social media, that you kind of get like lost in it. And, um, yeah, man, I mean, recently things have just been firing on all cylinders, and that's just content-wise. But yeah, man, working odd jobs, like the starving artist kind of archetype, like, yeah, basically just like glamorizing it. I mean That was a big thing too, was kind of disconnecting from the, what would you call, the normal life path. Like you see friends you graduate college with who are maybe 3 years into Deloitte or consulting and, you know, that's loud to notice, but man, I really wouldn't change anything about the path, especially over the last like year and a half, 2 years.

Yeah, it's incredible. Like the zigzag of life is like, you always look back on those things and go, damn, that was fun. Or, you know, like, you, you literally smile at the times you're maybe like sleeping on just the floor because you didn't have a mattress yet, or working some shitty job like night shift, or we're just working with these absolute losers where your sanity is like just stretched to the, to the limit. But then you come out the other side and you're like, okay, that was a character-building experience. Now I have something to write about perhaps, or definitely at least a lesson to learn. And I think what you said about glamorizing it is really cool because that's a perspective shift where you can glamorize anything basically by kind of having this perspective of you as the main character. And I know that's a bit of a white girl meme at the moment. Like, oh, main character energy. So I'm not taking it from that, but I'm taking it from in general is like you are the creator of your life. And for you to like, oh yeah, I'm working this job, or I got fired, and you know, now it's a struggle for me to— not a struggle, you shouldn't perceive things as a struggle, but like now it's just this, you know, underdog mentality, and I'm still gonna get where I'm gonna be, and just like really romanticizing it as well as glamorizing like wherever you're at in life.

Yeah, yeah, dude, I think well said on all points, and it gets to the point where even if you're doing something shitty, like you're talking about, you're working with losers. Yeah, you're working night shift. Like, I have never been more motivated than when I was in those situations. Like, when you're having to wake up at 6 AM to like make it, like, to go catch a check. And so, you know, you probably get these messages too. It's like, what, like, how would you escape a 9 to 5? Like, all this stuff. And, and man, it really just comes down to like you almost need to be grateful that you're in that experience because it motivates you so much harder than anything else can. Yeah, like, your life is so shitty that you, you should like be like up all night trying to get out of it. And, um, and that kind of comes back to that perspective you're talking about, just like flipping it into a positive. And, uh, I always think of— dude, I'm like, like big into music, big into song lyrics, and like relative with how they, you know, relate to real life. But there's this Tame Impala lyric, dude. I think it's from like Lost in Yesterday, but it's like thinking back to when we were on it 4 out of 7, living in squalor. Like those were the best days. And it's like, we're all, I mean, you're gonna be in 10 years looking back to when you're like young 20-year-old hustling. Like it's just, it's a crazy life, man. And no one can really tell you the best way to live yours.

Yeah, exactly. Um, yeah, I mean, like, I fondly tell stories of when I first moved out after college. First of all, I never want to like pretend that I didn't have, you know, the safety net of my parents or whatever, but I'm basically like, all right, college is over, I want to rent a place myself and I don't want to take any money from my parents. And I was living in this place which was like, you know, it relatively was nice area, but like it was a very old house. And yeah, the room that I was in, the door, it was like a back door, was meant to become this shed that had been turned into a room. So there was like a few inches at the bottom of the door that was just missing. So I would have like just gusts of wind blowing in throughout the night. The fucking roof, the closet that I have my clothes in had holes in it, and so there were rats. And then a tin roof, so it was boiling hot in summer, freezing cold at night. And like, I laugh at that shit, man, because it's like, even in the moment when I was there, because I was— I had the, you know, the beginnings of, um, let's say my appreciative stoicism kind of mindset. I was like, yeah, this is kind of funny. Like, yeah, I was— it was like, you can grumble about that shit all day and be like, oh man, woe is me. But like, you know, some people don't even have the cold house, uh, to begin with, so they're just sleeping outside. So you know, it's all fun and games really, uh, if you allow it to be. And yeah, when you're grateful for those things, then I always speak about that as like you set yourself on the trajectory to which better things will come to you once you're grateful for what you already have.

Dude, I think that you, you really do paint a picture, um, in regards to that. It's almost like you can enjoy that freezing temperature, you know, those boiling summers, if you have like like you see a time period in your maybe not near future, but you use the word trajectory. It's like, I know this isn't forever. Like, I know one day I will be like wherever you want to be, man. Villa, penthouse, whatever. And you'll be able to look back and like that distance between of that really low, low, you know, living in squalor, whatever. Um, but like when you're in that moment and you see a better future and you're like working towards it Dude, I mean, you really can't be in a bad— you know what I'm saying? Like, you just paint it positively, and it really is that mindset thing. Because I think that really, um, you know, I did already say this once, but you really inspired me to kind of get on to social media in more of a create instead of consume way. Yeah. Uh, my personal approach to it was I was in college as well as a senior, and just people look like dead-eyed. So, you know, the word soul always stuck out. And then there was obviously some connection, I guess, with Sol Brah, maybe, you know, subliminally. But it was more of like that, uh, that idea that like you, you have to be living intentionally. You almost have to have a plan to be happy one day because like if you— I think that's what happens with like the 9 to 5 and people get in these routines Yeah, and in their head, all they can see in 35 years is that same routine. Like, they're not, they're not living in squalor and working towards better. And, and that really is a key difference that I just— like, if you, if you start living with some passion, man, like, you, you start trying to dig yourself out of, of, you know, maybe an objectively bad living situation, whatever, then like that movement and that purpose for it is, dude, it's enough to make you enjoy your days. Even if it sucks looking back, you know?

Well, yeah, it's like the quintessential idea at the core of it is that man can endure any circumstance if he has hope. If he has hope for the future, then it doesn't matter what's happening. If the slaves have some like visionary person and like someone that they know is coming to, you know, free them, then they can kind of endure the circumstances at the time. But if there is no end goal, there is no salvation, and you have no hope, that is when it's like you're just done and like you can't go on.

You feel chained. And, and the good thing is, I mean, you kind of painted it as like, uh, you know, this kind of savior, which, dude, that's how I see—

or you're your own savior.

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Like, everyone really has the power to like build them. So like, you have this ideal of who you can be and And that's why, man, I mean, there are certain accounts like, uh, you know, you, Lobo, Fitz, like Cali Cradys, however you say that name. Like, there are certain accounts that I'm like, dude, I am genuinely a better man because I read their thoughts. But it really just circles back to like what you yourself are doing to— like, you're in the casket alone at the end of it. And like, at night, at night when everything's quiet and all the distractions are off You have to be able to say like, I did something to better my life today, like to get out of this situation that I hate. And people just, dude, they just distract themselves. They don't let that voice like yell at them, I don't think.

Yeah, and that's, that's what depression is, because they— your— that voice inside you that will come to you. You can distract yourself all day. When you go to sleep at night, you're in bed, there's nothing. Like maybe you still have your phone. This is why people are on their phones like, yeah, right until the second that they can't close— they can't open their eyes any longer, and then they fall asleep. It's because they can't bear to just like be alone with their thoughts because their thoughts can be like, hey man, um, why did you not work out today, dude?

That is like—

yeah, why, why did you let that guy like talk shit about you and you didn't say anything at work, dude?

Yeah, like your spirit really— like, I mean, that's what the, the big thing, distractions, you know. Weed's a big one. Yeah, you got all this like entertainment, all the media, but it's these things that like quiet the you inside of you that you need to be listening to. And I mean, I always look at it, dude, I don't know if ambition is a curse. I don't know if other people have this like voice all the time saying like, you can be doing more, you can be doing more. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it ain't fun all the time, bro, you know, but it does, it does push you because you can look at yourself objectively and be like, yeah, I hear— like, you know, when you're laying in bed, not on your phone, listening to yourself, you're like, I didn't do enough. And then that accountability and, and just people— ah man, I'm long on the human spirit, man, I really am. But I just don't think that the mentality is in the right place right now.

Well, it's like, I think just every day there is more and more of the right mentality. And yeah, just like the dichotomy, like it's about the, the ambition thing. It's like everyone would like to have a good ambition ambition and a drive for things. But do you also want the inevitable mind that is always going to be pushing you for more and never be happy, really? Yeah, like, like, you can't have it one way or the other. You can't have just the ambition and then also be happy with what you did today. Or, you know, like, sometimes you are, like, within the day, like, man, I had a really productive day and that was good, and I, I acted in alignment with my values and things. But like you can never turn that off. I was talking to my friend Hunter about this. It's like, I'll be getting a massage and then there's just like tweets popping up. It's like, oh man, well, okay, what could I do with that? Uh, designs for fucking solar power. Like, I'm trying to chill sometimes. Like, but if you, if you allow the creative spirit to tap into you, yeah, and you tap into it, then sometimes you just can't turn that off. And it's like, if you want the benefit of the ambition, then you also have to have the dichotomy the, let's say, negative, even though it's just— it is what it is. It's not a negative thing, that's just like the reality of the situation. And that, I think, comes with most positives, is like there's an equal, uh, amount of roots to hell.

Yes, yes, I think that you're spot on with that. And, um, you know, there is a lot of like— another thing too is, is you kind of see like these like selfish, ambitious motivation, like I want I want all the money in the world. I want all these bad chicks surrounding me. And like, then that kind of— I don't really know where you sit spiritually, man, like your relationship with God. But for me, there are like things that really fulfill a person, like family, relationships, like these things. So you almost have to have like ambition to foster proper things, like with the proper heart posture, if this makes sense. Like you can't just have like all these selfish motivations and like, So like you're saying, all these other things begin to seep into how you spend your minutes, what your actions are directing towards. Like, I got a friend, man, and one day— see, like, I know what I— one of my ex-girlfriends was like, what is one thing you want when you're dead? Like, I don't know if she wanted me to say like, for you to be there beside my casket, but it's really just like, I want my— like, I just want my words read by my grandkids, things like this. Like, I want my books read further down. But, but it seems to me like it's kind of selfish, but you know, whatever. I think the sentences help people at a point. But anyways, I was asking a friend, good friend, guy I really do love and respect, I was like, what are you like shooting for? Like, what is your goal in life? Like, what do you wake up every day and kind of chase? And it just kind of like We kind of landed on money, and I was like, dude, I just— does it— I know, you know, and but, but it's okay, like, this isn't the jab at him, it's just more so like maybe you need to get X amount of money to see that like that was never the answer. And, um, yeah, kind of circles back to, you know, having like goals of fulfillment and like actual purpose that, that will have ripples in a good way.

Yes, yes. Um, I mean, I want millions of dollars. I think that's not a selfish thing to do.

You like—

I want the money to be able to build a fucking dog shelter and bring in as many dogs from the street as possible. And yes, you know, pay for my friend's medical treatment, that kind of thing. Like, as well as my own selfish needs, shall we say. But that is, you know, money is protection of the family at the end of it. Yes. The— like, money is a tool, and money you can't take with you when you're dead, obviously. Uh, you can only take your soul, and, and, you know, the actions that you take in this life will reflect on your soul, and that's the only thing we take to wherever we go after this physical reality. Amen. But money in itself, uh, is not a necessarily like bad thing. It's when, as you're saying, like, the energy is directed towards money because you want to buy status signaling things or things you actually don't really care about because you're using the money as an approval-seeking method, and that is empty from the get-go. And like you said, like, lots of people that I've spoken to would be like, yeah, then I started getting all this money and realized like, ah shit, that was it. Like, I'm still empty inside.

And like, dude, don't— like, do not even— get me wrong, I'm not trying to like justify like self-imposed poverty You know, it's good to have like money to be able to do things with friends. I mean, also like, you know, setting up your kids, living in a good area. Yeah, XYZ. But, but yeah, it just— I mean, we're talking about, you know, being able to lay your head down at night. It's like, dude, did you, did you really do something like good for yourself? And being able to look, almost judge yourself, like not in a harsh way, you know, I don't really believe talking shit to yourself like that. Too much, but being able to like look at yourself through the lens of another person and be like, yeah, today was a good day, man. Like, I like, I don't know, whatever you judge that day by.

But yeah, yeah, everyone knows whether they've done good or bad. And if you string many, many days of inaction, and I've been in this position 100%, like the, the pain of literally like thinking to myself, dude, if you don't do anything, you're just gonna become a useless piece of shit. And like, dude, I've written out my journal before and it's heavy to feel, but like, ultimately that is, is like, no one is really gonna come do it for you. Yeah, what are you waiting for? Uh, and that pain is like, that's what is so vivid that it enables you to actually start doing something. And I, I don't know, I don't know if everyone has to go through that, but it's definitely like it begins in that place where you know you're not fulfilling your potential. And I guess not everyone responds to that.

Um, yeah, yeah, that's kind of—

that is the primary motivator.

That's what, you know, like you just said it pretty well, not everyone responds to it. And that's where, like, I think that it's there, like the voice, the inner, you know, you can not really like push yourself to exhaustion. Like, I don't mean that, man, but like, it's kind of like, yeah, there's, there's something in there saying that, you know, you could have, I don't know, man, called your grandmother today. Small shit like that. But then, dude, like, what I had to actually work— what I had to cut out was like things that would distract me like completely from that voice. Marijuana was a huge one. Like, in college, dude, like, I'd have these these thoughts, these ideas of like what I wanted to create, what I wanted to write, etc., etc. And then, dude, yeah, I just— I would smoke and then I'd be like, oh well, I'm too high to really make like make any progress. And then, you know, then you kind of start seeping in, you're like, oh shit, like I'm not high enough to not think about doing work, so I need to get higher, you know what I mean? So then you just like start piling on these distractions and like— so I mean, it really is, uh, you know, I I genuinely will be the first one to say I do not have all the answers, but yeah, man, I mean, just like listening to your spirit is like, what's your soul saying? That shit was like, I believe in that for real.

How did you get out of the grip of marijuana?

Dude, I started smoking pretty young, like in high school, and And then it just became like a daily thing, dude. I went to a pretty rural high school. It wasn't that challenging, like academically. Ended up getting into Chapel Hill, and I was just like on easy mode, dude. So I'd smoke before school, leave at lunch, smoke. I was just like, dude, it was just like a very—

and like this off in the classroom, and the school would like—

they'd like know I was up to degenerate shit, but you know, they're not gonna like pull my admissions or not get me in trouble so I don't get into this university. So that did not help because I was like, okay, I can still skate by while being high, you know, like I was like, okay, I can still smoke weed and be successful. So then college comes, dude, and it's even worse. Other drugs are involved. So I began to like, I actually went to Australia, dude. I was smoking probably every day for a couple years and then I go to Australia on study abroad, dude, I can't find weed. Anywhere. And so, so I begin, like, I get back and I kind of start, like, just monitoring myself. Like, I'll smoke only at night, like, doing these small things. And, and then I move out to California, bro, and I get back into it. You know, the pendulum swings. You're off of it for sure, you're back in it. But now it's just more of like, uh, I see it more now as a distraction. Like, okay dude, I'm just smoking all day so that I'm not so that I'm literally like brain fried and I'm not going to produce. And I don't feel good about myself doing that. So it really was just like we've been talking about, like being able to look at yourself objectively and then setting small, um, like small criteria. Like, okay dude, start weaning off of it. You can smoke at night, you can smoke with some homies, whatever, later, like 9 PM, but making those small changes. And dude, when I got completely off of— when I got completely sober, I was operating from a mentality that I had not known in years, dude. Like firing on all cylinders, so confident in every word that came out. And like, yeah, weed takes my confidence away from writing, and I like writing better than feeling high. And so Yeah, that was— that's really the trade-off, you know.

Yeah, it's— I come back to— I was having a discussion with people. It's like people turn to drugs when the reality of their environment and their life is worse than the feeling of the drugs. So if a lot of people— like, this is what we see with the opioid epidemic in the Midwest and everything. It's like if your town is small, there's no opportunity things aren't going on, then like you're much more likely to just go get high because that is really like— it's more stimulating than just being, you know, and I haven't lived in these cities, but it seems to be a common sentiment, um, that if you're not in an environment where you're being stimulated, like your high school and things, like the, the option is to like, okay, well, this getting high is, is much more appealing to me. And when that dips away, maybe you have the opportunity, and like you said, it's like the trade-off is okay, I can be high or I can actually produce and do writing, which is like much more enthralling to my soul than like— yeah, that's the shift that you make.

And it comes back to, you know, what we began the conversation with was hope, that word that you used. It's like, you know, when you're in these— I'm, I mean, dude, I'm from a city in America, 8,000 to 10,000, you know, like my high school was— my graduating class was 200 people. And so Right now what we're seeing is there's a huge heroin epidemic, and yeah, and I think that it's a result of what we've been talking about with the don't see an out. Like, I'm in this boring small town, I have no prospects, this drug makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Heroin's a fucking— oh God, that— oof, man, dark drug, dark, dark drug.

I've never, never tried it, thankfully.

Yeah, me either. I just haven't even considered trying it. And like, um, but I think it really kind of comes back to that piling on distractions. Like, like you said, the feeling of this is better than the reality of— and that reality that they're seeing in the moment is hopelessness and, uh, no way out of this, out of this place. And it's really sad, man. It's drug addiction, uh, dude. I mean any addiction like porn, TV, all these things that take you away from the real world, or they're pushed and they are really like swallowed down with open mouths, bro.

Yeah, well, it's— you got to wonder why they're making weed legal. Yeah, um, why alcohol is kept legal, really. Like, I know historically it's been around in, in lots of traditions and you know, yeah, societies for thousands of years. But alcohol is another huge one that keeps people in the chains of their mediocrity, uh, you know, to be frank. Yeah, because they're working for the weekend, and then on the weekend, Friday, Saturday night, they're getting blitzed and are able to turn off that voice inside, which is like, hey dude, uh, this actually isn't that cool for us, or like, don't feel great doing this.

Yeah.

Just do another shot, homie. Like, get to the club.

Yeah, yeah, just have fun, bro. Let loose. Yeah.

And, uh, yeah, I mean, I've mentioned this before, recommend to everyone to just like, if you're regularly having alcohol, okay, you don't have to completely never have a drop of alcohol ever again, although that would probably be beneficial, uh, overall. Sometimes, uh, just like ease back your use. Definitely don't have it weekly. Um, if you once a month have some, you know, drinks with some friends, like, I don't think that's negatively affecting you as as long as it's like clean alcohol and all the rest of it, and you're still getting your, your stuff done. But, um, weekly is definitely way too often, even though that's like heavily normalized. Not to mention like the effects that alcoholism in general has on many, many families.

Yeah, yeah, dude, that is, uh, very true. Very insightful as well.

But, but children, I think, um, your Winston the writer definitely has some aspects of down a bottle of whiskey in the full moon and see what happens.

Yeah, dude, that's kind of what I wanted to like circle back to.

Yeah, because let's, let's explore that a bit.

Okay, so I completely agree with, you know, the, the normalizing of alcohol. I mean, Like you said, it's been around. Jesus turned water to wine. I don't know if that was written in later to make alcohol more normal. Who knows? But yeah, these, uh, these kind of things. I— okay, God, dude, this is gonna sound like such a personal justification. Like, it's gonna be like, this dude is really just like justifying his—

that's your experience.

Yeah, yeah. But dude, it really— like, I do drink. I just drink straight whiskey. When I write, not all the time, probably like 25% of my writing. But dude, I noticed that I'm less worried about judgment, like very vulnerable to put some of the thoughts out there. I mean, dude, you experience, you get pushback on Twitter, dude, like just as anyone with a decent following does. And like, if you become vulnerable and you cut yourself open and like you're putting these truths that you think can help people, like you think that these ideas are genuinely beneficial, but at the same time they're opening you up to attack. Like, dude, the whiskey helps me at times, like late at night, bro, like 1 AM, 1:30, when I'm just like pounding away, it helps me lose that fear of judgment. And that's one thing— I didn't begin writing drinking, you know, like I wrote for years with no alcohol involved, but But that sentiment is something— I get messages all the time like, hey, I want to begin writing, all this stuff. Like, I don't even really consider myself an expert on writing, dude. I don't follow any normal practices that I study. I read a lot, but I don't follow really a formal writing pattern. So yeah, the only, the only thing I really give people advice of is you need to write for the trash can. Like, you need to write down like Cut yourself open, bleed on the page. Do not worry about anyone reading it because right afterwards you're going to tear it up and throw it away. So like, I want people to be able to get down to their bones with words in the real world. But my thing is I'm publish— I'm like publicizing those, those thoughts. And so like, you know, yeah, dude, like Liquid Courage, that's the street name for it, bro. But like, it loosens me up to, to almost be able to say some very inflammatory stuff or some stuff that is going to reflect not well in the macro, you know what I'm saying? So I do treat it as a tool. And like I said at the very beginning of this, and I'll finalize with it, it's going to come off as a personal justification. And like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, same with cigarettes, you know, sit there like, I'm definitely not the most— I don't think I'm as like disciplined in certain vices. Um, and that's something, you know, to work on, especially young age, dude. I'm not even 25, so like still learning.

Yeah, things. Yep. Yeah, it's, it's interesting because, you know, with your method of writing, you're— it's not like you're drinking and then publishing and therefore the period of time where you're inebriated is when you might get that pushback on social media. Yeah, drinking is when you're creating the work, so no one's even reading it or like watching it at that point other than the conjecture of your own mind. And it's like thinking what people will eventually read it. So you're— without the alcohol, I guess you're muting yourself somewhat because of the potential that people will be upset or whatever it is. So yeah, it's just, just an interesting like dynamic to think about, is like, is it a justification? I know lots of writers do have that vice of drinking, uh, smoking particularly as well. Yeah, coffee is another big one.

God, dude, I mean, I got a glass of whiskey, a mug of coffee, and cigarette right now, really. There you go.

The trifecta.

You pinpointed it, dude. But like, I wouldn't preach those mediums to anyone else. I just— I have kind of like dedicated my foreseeable future to this medium. And yeah, very much so, those vices do exist. And you know, just like— I mean, just like steroids are common vice for gym users, like, you can argue the pros and cons, but like, the gym user has an ideal in his head. Like, I have an ideal in my head of what my words can be like, and the steroids assist him in getting there. Like, but like I said, I know, I understand how this can sound. Like, I'm not that, you know, unaware. Um, but very fine line. And that's why I'm very— like, a lot of times in my writing I'll be like, I don't even drink. In my book that comes up a lot. Like, I don't mention drinking alcohol in the book because I do not want— especially, I don't know what your main demographic is, dude. I feel like mine is like kids 3 or 4 years younger than me. Like, that's who I'm talking to when I'm like— yeah, when I'm writing and when you're tweeting and stuff like this. I don't want them to like normalize these habits. And so I don't like— I might mention drinking some whiskey, dude, but like I'm not trying to promote it by any means, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's, it's like, I would be lying if I said that I didn't use espresso as a tool to, you know, fuel a lot of my writing. Uh, and nicotine as well. I don't smoke tobacco, but I have these nicotine toothpicks, which, um, really? Yeah, they're great.

What are they called?

Uh, Pixotine. P-I-X-O-T-I-N-E. Come in a little winter ice flavor is my favorite.

But, um, interesting.

Yeah, very interesting. So you just chew on one of those, and for whatever reason, this has been well documented, nicotine is a nootropic and seems to help the brain, uh, flow a bit better, especially with writing, and especially in the combination with caffeine as well. The words just come out better. Is that a cope that I cannot— that I, you know, rely on that and it's a crutch somewhat? Probably, you know, I'm willing to admit that. But at the same time, yeah, it seems to help.

How are you gonna put it in the words, Sol Brah?

The, the, the feeling of like kind of the stimulants merging together and then you access this new level of complexity with the words, or just like thoughts come up, turns of phrase come up that wouldn't necessarily come up if you're sober all the time. Yes. That's just the truth of my experience so far. Do I think that they're needed to do anything? No. Do I think that the use of them daily is good? No. That being said, that is the truth of how I've done a lot of my writing so far. Yeah, the experience of a lot of writers throughout history, it's like, I don't know what the term is, but it's like the writer's duo or something like that is, is coffee and cigarettes. Not that I smoke cigarettes, but the nicotine is, is what's really affecting you, uh, when you're, when you're writing. And like, that just seems to be historically a thing.

Yeah. So, and then, and then you kind of like— no, I mean, dude, you said it so well in terms of I mean, that's kind of the thing with self-awareness, because you're like, I see that I'm doing this, and like, I know it may not be the most beneficial, but you know, it's still— I'm still using it to induce something. And like, like, the, the best writing for me is when I light a cigarette, I might take 2 or 3 hits, you know, whatever, I'm sitting there looking at the paragraph before, and then I set the cigarette down in the ashtray and I forget about it for like the best, and I forget about it for 30, 45 minutes, and it burns out. And the same with the coffee, you know, you take a couple sips, you sit there, and then before you look up again, it's cold. So it's like, oh, it was just like that little push. But you said it very well with the word crutch. Like, if you get to a point where you don't feel like you can create without it, then it controls you. And like Yes, I think, man, I mean, there are just so many. It's like what I spend a lot of my free time like trying to counteract my vices, you know, running. Writing is a very solitude thing, so I try and get in public, talk to people, these things, in the gym, in the sauna, sweating out whiskey, obviously. So there are these things that you're doing to get it back. But man, a lot of time I'll be reading certain authors that I respect, and Stephen King is one of them. And I started reading Cujo. And you know, you can stop me if you're familiar with it. It's basically about a rabid dog. I think he wrote it in like the '90s. It's actually one of his like quote unquote best books of all time. But Stephen King, and I'm not comparing myself to Stephen King. I don't even really like the way that Stephen King writes, but he's a great storyteller. But Stephen King wrote Cujo so well. Drunk and cocained out that he does, that he does not remember reading. Like, he doesn't remember writing it. He reread it years later and was like, I don't remember writing this, but I believe that I wrote myself in as Cujo. Like, I was on these drugs, I was unraveling, I was turning rabid towards my family. And like, you kind of see that show up in the story and like And it's like, dude, what? Like, I believe in flow state, I believe in all this stuff. And it's like, where was Stephen King consciously when he's on cocaine and he's on like bottles of, he was on, he was drinking a lot of beer, which is just, you know, not my forte. But dude, he like, where'd he go? Like, you know, like, was it the cocaine writing it? Like, he doesn't even remember. And so you hear the same thing with Hunter S. Thompson. And the masculine and acid. And it's like, dude, you can't get so into these stories that you think you can write a bestseller on acid. That's not what I'm trying to say, but it's like at some point they, they become like a really otherworldly tool that you have to be very smart about. I don't think Hunter Thompson was. I think he got a little too into it. You can kind of see it how he talked in interviews later in life. Yeah, but It's kind of crazy where your mind can go. Um, like you said though, as a crutch, no bueno, no bueno.

Yeah, there are two points there that I want to mention. So Hunter S. Thompson, I remember reading that later on, uh, because he, he basically became known as the guy that like writes on cocaine, fucking shoots his gun and gets wasted and doesn't eat, um, all night or whatever. And then when he became notorious for that, he found himself having to live up to that expectation. So he was like, oh, I'm not Hunter S. Thompson unless I'm railing lions and doing crazy stuff. And he mentioned like just kind of playing up to that, and people expected that of him even though he didn't necessarily want to do that, and it was likely very exaggerated. Yes, yes, because it becomes like this mythological portion of person rather than like himself as Hunter. Uh, so that's just an interesting point to think about though. The other point I want to mention was that these, uh, substances, whatever it is, is almost like you— they get you out of yourself, um, by giving you the feeling of just like— it's like flow state and focus. Yeah, but what that is, is getting the self, like removing the self. Yeah, that shell of yourself that maybe makes you doubt yourself or like thinks about things too much. Once that is eliminated through the mechanism of a substance, then the writing, the real writing, the great writing can come through. And I'm interested on your perspective here with like what, what is writing? When I'm, when I'm writing, I'm tapping the keyboard, like my physical body is doing the thing, but like what, what thoughts are coming through when I'm speaking about these topics? Like some of what I write about is consciously like, oh, I want to mention like, okay, this is a good health habit, uh, you know, this is this the evidence for it, XYZ, and telling people about that. But some of my writing is just like I sit down and it flows through me. It's not me, it's just like I've been chosen to— by God to deliver this mess. Not that I'm like, you know, chosen by God, but like I've been, you know, there is this information that needs to flow through me at this particular point in time, uh, and that is the best writing. That's the, the stuff that like people message me about, a good dude, like I really needed that. Yes, um, it lit fire within me, and I'm like, that's cool. Like, I'm, I'm not doing that consciously though. So is that the same for you, dude?

I think the distinction— yes, everything that you said, the latter half is a distinction with like where my writing is very creative. Like this, the style that I, I really believe in is like metafiction. Yeah, like you, you look at the world and you kind of just exaggerate it. You, you make fun of it with words. So because of that, it's very like creative. And I, I've realized this, Sol, is like, I'm not really great at writing practical lessons. Like you were talking about, like, you know, I know this is a health point, um, the, the first instance, not you were talking about when it flows out, but yeah, I'm not really great at that. And so like, I've kind fallen into this idea that people are not always trying to learn something. Like, they want to be entertained. And so I just like, I like, I let my mind go into that realm you talked about, the second half, where it's just flowing out. And dude, I mean, sometimes it really sounds schizophrenic. Like, it comes off like it's, it's run-on sentences, man. It's where I make up words all the time. Like, my friends call me out on making up words, and it's like it's not really based in reality, and it touches that level of surrealism where kind of what you're saying, it just flows through you. I believe that sentiment. One thing I kind of said is like, I feel like God's pen at times. Like, these are not really my ideas. It's just like, I'm just the one that right now he needed me to say this. I think he did the same thing with Van Gogh with a paintbrush. And that's kind of like where you were talking about in the second half, you're just getting so like, it's really not you, dude. I don't know how, like, I don't know what science would say about it. You know, I think the guy, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, I know I just butchered that name, but he's the one that coined the flow state. He tried to put words to it, man, but it's that same entity. And so yeah, when I write, I do get into, like you said, in the second half, just like you almost black out. Like, people will respond to some of the Sold Idea posts and they're like, dude, this sentence— like, like you said as well, they're, they're very receptive of these certain sentences, but they'll respond, they're like, dude, man, this paragraph right here. And I'll have to go back and be like, what did I say? Um, but dude, I want— I did want to say something to when you were talking about Hunter S. Thompson. There's this, um, he did get like that. He got, you know, his style was gonzo, and so he kind of lived fleshly what he was saying in words, like going on these drug benders, making life really strange around him. And dude, Victor Hugo, author of Les Misérables, it might be in that book, I don't know, might be in another one of his, but he's got this quote and it says like, A man who makes a legend of himself becomes a slave to that legend. And like, that's kind of what you begin to see with Thompson. Like, you become known for this, and then you're willing to almost lose yourself to like uphold that kind of style, that identity. It's a very like slippery slope. I think that you can, through art, painting, making music, writing, I think that you can drive yourself mad, and I think that you can drive yourself into a frenzy of happiness. Like, it's just very sensitive with what the person's experiencing and the output that they're putting out. And like you said, man, where, you know, you're just flowing, like it's coming out like fire, bro. It's— that's where, like, you're in congruency with your spirit is in congruency with your output. And like, dude, for me, that is the holy, like, meeting place.

Yeah, I don't even know.

I answered your question, man. My bad.

No, it's great. Questions are always a diving board. Yeah, less than like, hey, answer my question, please.

Q&A. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I feel the same way, you know, like in, in a lot of ways Sol Brah has become something outside of me. That's partially why, you know, it's anonymous. It's like it's not about me as the person, it's about this particular set of mythological ideals that is communicated through me, uh, more so that has taken, you know, a life of its own somewhat. And I find myself, you know, leaning into that, but also like it is what I am in a lot of ways. Um, but it does take control of you and, and take a life of its own, as I said. So it's, it's an interesting dichotomy to be aware of.

And that's very like— I'm empathetic to, to, to that experience, man. Like, I, I can, I can see it probably happening to, you know, you just become like you said, like, uh like you said, you're almost like a face or a voice for all these like ideals, and you're now expected to live up to all this. Like, yeah, you know, you're, you're human, like everything is happening fluidly. But I mean, and I do believe in, you know, giving credit where credit is due, and dude, the ideals that you have pushed and the things that you really believe in, like changed my life, 2019, 2020. Like, the first book, man, you were probably the largest inspiration with the Apollo aesthetic. Like, cool, this, you know, this like kind of dude walking the boardwalk, like surfboard, like he's carefree. The music is like Good Vibrations by Beach Boys. And like, that is a result. And then there were other ones, you know, like, um, the rock star was kind of based on Deja Vu, that kind of like really aggressive but like philosophical attitude. And so like, I now see that like, that's not like, that's not even like who you are. Maybe. I mean, I think that you do walk in congruency with your message, but it was more of just like the perception of the ideals that you portray. And I was like, damn, like, I genuinely like built you in my head into this like character. I'm like, that's like That's why it's so important on our side, on just basically creating a line, to be very congruent with what you say and who you are in real life. Like, you cannot like fake it on there because you're going to become like expected to fake it. Oh, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. Uh, it ultimately comes down to being congruent with, uh, your— whatever message your soul is trying to deliver and listen again, that intuitive voice, your soul. Um, because the other thing with being online and having an audience is that you can fall into the trap of thinking that your audience would prefer this.

Yes.

Or you have to do this because the fans will like it more than what I actually want to do. And Cernovich had a tweet about that recently. It's like you can't let yourself fall into that because that is just like unhappiness. Uh, Aaron Carter, a clip, that guy that died recently, that pop star, um, he had a video where he was like, you know, for 15 years I dedicated myself to my fans and then I go on Twitter and they're saying, uh, I have— I look like I have AIDS and I should just die. Like, how can they say that to me? And on one hand, like, he's giving credence to these random Twitter trolls, probably. Yes. So like, that's, that's just a mistake in and of itself. But yeah, the sentiment it reflects is the outsourcing the approval to this unnamed mass of fans, which is like, one, not really a real thing. The people that follow you are going to have very varying different like opinions of you. Yeah. But you kind of break through from like it shifts from like, say you don't have any content online or like you don't have any fans or whatever, you're before that stage. Yeah, you are breaking free of the expectations of your family, your friends, the people around you in your small town, and that is what enables you to do actually what you want and like accrue a following or whatever. But then you can— the mistake that you can make is to thus become like perform for the expectations of this new group. Yeah, of the audience and the fans. So it's like you can't like fall back into the quagmire of that, otherwise you're just doing the same thing that you were doing before, um, before it all, but almost like with a different mask.

And like, yes, you, you got— yeah, that's well said. I can tell that you've kind of like— I don't know, I'm not gonna say this is like this like exclusive group, man, because I don't want to sound like pretentious asshole, but if you do have a following online, like, it becomes a very sensitive, like, ecosystem. That's why, like, you— like, every word that you say is like, it's interpreted by someone, and then they, they build you. Like, dude, you know you have like a million different faces. Like, every one of your fans like sees you as like a And like, that is a crazy thing. And like, you can get so lost into that. That's why, dude, this is— I don't really believe that young men should be reading a lot of philosophy. Like, I'm talking like 15, 14. I started reading that shit too early, man. And like, what I mean by that is you can kind of get like lost in these beliefs of these other people before you really have your own ability to form your, you know, what you really believe in. But where that comes in on the social media aspect is like, you have all these faces and dude, it is a very sensitive, organic, always changing thing. And like, like we've been talking about, you can get like roped down to expectations. Like dude, say like, I don't know man, say you just want to switch up something and it gets like 4 likes. Where you're used to getting like a couple hundred. Like, dude, like, you, you want— everyone wants to be like, oh man, that shit don't matter, that shit don't matter, bro. Like, it does, but like, you, you notice it if you're self-aware. You notice it, and then maybe subconsciously, whatever, whatever. That's why I love people like, uh, Brute, man. I remember listening to you and Brute on the podcast, uh, winter— God, winter 2020, I think, man. And yeah, and that's why I really do, you know, value Brute. Um, just very like steadfast in who he is, but he's also a public figure. So like these people that have this like pure congruency, and I genuinely believe you walk in congruency with your message. Like, I, I think that that's why people receive you so well. Fitz, uh, Logan Fitz is another good example of like He lives what he preaches. And, but man, I mean, it comes down to like, if you wanna switch up how you live, like, you got, you know, you just, there's this thought of like, how is it going to be received? And even that thought kind of is a shackle. Yep. Like I remember switching my name from Sold Idea to Winston. Dude, I thought about that for like 72 hours. I sat on it for like 3 days. I was like, damn, like, I was like, death to Sol Brah— you know, it's just like, yeah, all these, like, they're just small things that I think that people that have switched to that creator mentality where they're, they're putting themselves, they're putting their thoughts out there, they're opening themselves up to hate, they're in a very different game than the people that are just looking and judging that person. Like they're in the arena is how I see it. And, um, I mean, it opens you up to hate, but at the same time, man, it opens you up to like to encouragement, support, love. And it's just like, whose voice do we pay attention to, you know?

100%. It's, it's again like going back to that point of you can't have a good thing without a bad thing. Yes, an equivalent bad thing. And that's not to expect bad things to happen, it's just if you want the capacity to share your content online, then you are also going to open yourself up to the hate of some people. That is what it is. The degree— different degrees of that that people may experience is like when they start working out, when they have never worked out before, and their friends and family would be like, oh, you're gonna become a big gym guy, huh? And like, and, and shit on for that. It's like, if you want the benefit of being jacked, you have to possibly experience— and hopefully people are supportive and all the rest of it, but there is always— when you strive for something extra, more, that is outside the norm, the people within the normal that have that fake expectation, that version of you in their head— yes, once that is different to like the actual reality of you, is different to what they perceive of you then they are either triggered themselves, um, because they don't like that someone else is doing better or striving for more, because then that makes them think of themselves and their own egos, like, ah, attack that thing that made us feel bad. It's all differing levels of that. Um, creating content online is, is one version of that. Writing a book, even if it's not online, it's like writing poetry and be like, oh, you're a big poet, but Poet guy now, you know, like, yeah, just bullshit that you can— like, it is only a thought. The thought of that thing is the only thing that can control you. People can say whatever they want, it can only affect you when you take their opinion and put it into something which is like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do this, and then you don't do the thing. They can't control you unless you control yourself. That goes for Government regulations, lockdowns. It's like they can say whatever they want, but unless you go along with it, then that is the only way that you can be controlled within your own mentality. And that's a choice. God, bro, that we all must make.

Firing me up. Yes, I think that like you're genuinely on to like something that, that like almost needs to be studied philosophically. Like across the world because you become like this identity. Like you said, you know, you go to the gym and everyone's like, "Oh, big gym guy." Like now Sol Brah is attached to the gym or like Winston, the gym is characteristic or like you start reading poetry, start writing it and it's like, "Oh, like poet." So you begin to be identified with these things. This is what I was saying with how we were talking about very early on in this conversation, the trajectory And I told you how loud it is to see my friends from college, like, working these consulting jobs, working Wall Street. And like, it's just loud because it's mirroring back to me, like, where, where I am in life, which is this very, like, unlinear path. Just as you know, you're like, you're very much so paving your own way. But dude, it takes like a lot of strength to get to that. And like, I mean strength as in like you almost have to be willing to never be understood. Like, you can be understood by fellow misfits, fellow black sheep who, yeah, they get it, man. They may have the same ideals, but it is a very— if you want to walk in true congruency with your spirit, you're like, you have got to be able to either let the voices of almost everyone, encouragement and hate, go in one ear and out the other. But the more these things that you begin to do, like, dude, the small— like, you start skateboarding for fun, you start surfboarding for fun, you start, you know, going to open mics, like, you start doing all these things that you're not really identifying with just one thing, but you're now like this all-encompassing, like, misfit is just the best way to put it, you you know, you're not in a box. You're, you're doing things because you feel like doing them, not because you identify with the calling card, if any of that makes sense. Like, towards the end—

yeah, that makes sense. It's identification with a group, a stereotype, um, attaching things to your identity. When you do that too much, you end up just like not, uh, going to the drum of your own beat. People can sense when people are living authentically, congruently with themselves because they, you know, it's respected and appreciated. But people is like, oh, he's just, he is who he is. And a lot of people don't do that. Yeah, I'll do that or won't do that. So they respect it when it happens. And again, even with creating content, being authentic is always the best way to go. Don't train yourself to the algorithm to don't let the algorithm train you, um, regardless of like, oh, the pixels on the screen, that's too like not enough likes or whatever. Um, because then you're just like will live this self-imposed hell.

So yeah, dude, well, it's also like you, you kind of said it as, you know, they see you going this opposite way, they see doing things and they kind of like respect it. But at the same time, it touches back to something you said almost like 4 or 5, like, exchanges ago with, like, projecting. Like, you're, you're basically mirroring to them how trapped they are into, like, perspective. Okay, dude, like, let me just give an example to try and bring that home. The vaccines, okay? Like, say you're against it and you're not even willing to consider it. It's like, I, you know, and that was my minority at the time, bro. People are lying about it now, but, you know, the anti-vax crowd was very much ridiculed and persecuted. And so, so people— you're like, no, I'm not, you know, I don't believe in the vaccines, or I don't think birth control is good, or abortion, whatever you're saying, these things. And the people that are like— the people, the group who believe these things should be accepted as truth are almost being like mirrored their inability to go the road less traveled. Um, like they're kind of being shown that, damn, I think like everyone else. And so they begin to like double down on certain things. I see it a lot with, um, like, dude, the job. I have nothing against 9 to 5s. I respect a 9 to 5, dog. Like, we need an economy. I've worked in 9-to-5s to pay fuck— like, to pay bills and rent. But when you don't even really consider that as a lifestyle, and then you talk to these people and like you kind of show them that this other avenue exists, they either like double down and they're like, dude, what about health insurance? What about rent 3 years from now? And, and then the best case scenario, your action, the way you're living, your minority belief belief or path plants a seed in their head. Like, hmm, you know, maybe I don't think smoking weed all the time is good because like this dude doesn't do it. Or just like things like, it can be like whatever, but it's like in the best case scenario, you know, people are like, it can be done. Like, I don't have to believe this just because I hear it all around.

Yeah, I— and that's the role of the artist. Yes, a lot of ways, is to challenge people's ideas, challenge your own ideas, challenge your own beliefs. Because who I was last year is not who I am now. Next year I'll be a different person as well. An ever-changing flow of whatever experiences I have, whatever information I come across, uh, whatever really comes to me in that moment, um, could, could and will change a lot. And all you can really do is take what you have at the moment, try to synthesize it as best you can, and honestly go with what you feel. Yeah. I wanna say, like, what is the difference really between Solid Idea and Winston? Like, who are these two people?

Hmm, dude, yeah, that's a good question. So Solid Idea was more like looking down, kind of, like this guy that's like basically teaching lessons, man. I mean, it was a lot like, you know what, I just, in the spirit of honesty, it was a lot of like your pushes, you know, like the lifestyle of certain diet, nutrition, things like this that I began to live myself and see a lot of benefit from. But it was more of like I was teaching practical things. Like, I was like, this is how things can be better in your life. Whereas Winston, the way that I see Winston portrayed a lot in writing, and as you can see, there's a lot of detachment with even how I like talk about myself at times because the writing is one way, my life is one way, but the thing that's being portrayed through Winston is more of like, I'm like genuinely figuring this thing out in the black sheep path. And like, I'm— it's a no-holds-barred back explanation of like what I'm seeing in life. And like, it's more like, it's very— Winston is way more congruent with, with my spirit for sure, dude. Like the things from that entity because I mean, you know, you see your account as like an entity. What's up, Josh? My neighbor just got home. My neighbor just got home. Good man. But, um, dude, but it's like, so, so, you know, it just kind of happened like randomly happened. I also wanted a little more, um, personal side of it. Like I wanted my name on there because that's kind of where it is now. Sol Brah is like like this book that's coming out is going to be like given to friends and family. Like the Winston story arc was like, I'm kind of breaking down the mask of anonymity. Like Winston is willing to be crucified for his beliefs. Sold Idea was very much so a mask that I hid from everyone at college afterwards like that.

Yeah. So what's this new book about? It's out now, right?

Mm-hmm. Hey, tell me real quick. Um, yeah, dude, the book, I appreciate you asking. Um, yeah, it's been a doozy of a— I think it's been about 8 months. Started writing it spring of this year, but it's a lot of about living with intentionality. It's nothing like The Aesthetic Archetypes, where that was more of like a— dude, I don't know, I look back at that book and I'm like, it's like a self-help, like, psychology type book. This is definitely like a fictional story about a main protagonist who's going through the world with a level of apathy, you know. He's not really willing to put his heart into anything. Like, it's a very jaded idea. And then he begins to have these nightmares. He's visited by this, like, skeletal figure with, um, like, neon glowing bones, which is— I built almost the whole book off of that one entity, like, getting down to the bones, but the bones are, like, glowing, like they have vitality and vibrancy. And so he's visited by this, you know, spirit in a nightmare, and it basically shows him his life at the end of it, at the end, at the, you know, bottom of a whiskey bottle, 62 years old, dying alone. And it's like, this is what you will become if you continue to take yourself out of the game. Like, if you continue to walk through life with your head down and saying, I'm too cool to get involved with that. And, and, you know, there's this girl that comes in, um, and like love is involved. And yeah, I'm showing scenes of her basically dying, like, in— during childbirth. Like, later in life, she's having our kid. She gives birth to a healthy baby, and like, I'm, I'm very ecstatic. I don't know what to say. And then I look back at her, and you know, she's unmoving. She's laying on the hospital bed, like, she's not breathing. She's pale as a ghost. And so it's like you almost have to be willing to experience the most pain that you'll ever encounter if you want to be able to experience the highest organic ecstasy. And so it's a lot of like that. There's a lot of like, you know, delirious visions in it where the line between reality blurs. Like, I get sucked into these paintings while I'm at this art gallery and And there's this like ritualistic, like philosophical moment that I have with these like witchy figures in the middle of the jungle. But the overarching point, I guess, and this was a big deal because I was like, you have to almost cement a philosophy that you believe. You have to cement it because, dude, this book will be around. I mean, even if it sells 10 copies, it'll still be in paper for years, you know. So, so I really sat on this, like, what do I believe? What I believe? And it's like, my main belief at this point in life, man, is that willingness to be heartbroken, that willingness to fall on your face, like to take a risk that literally fails. Because like, if you're willing to do that, then the reward is also just as high. Like, you're, you're willing to, like, you're willing to fall in love, you're willing to get cheated on, you're willing to, like, your wife was almost like— you're putting yourself in a position to get hurt so that you can receive the opposite, you know? And I think that how far down you go is how far up you go, like, as above, as below. And if you're really willing to be dragged through the mud by volunteer— dude, the gym. You know, like if you're willing to experience pain, then like the lower that pain is, the higher the joy when it, when it rebounds, or the higher the potential for the joy. Um, and you know, I mean, dude, it's 50, 55,000-some words, so I haven't really ever mastered the elevator pitch on it.

So you're getting kind of the raw, you know, like I don't want a manufactured version of that. I want the real—

yeah, that was very, that was very like pure.

Yeah, awesome, man. Well, I'm, I'm super excited to read it. I'm going to pick it up after this. Uh, where can people grab that and where can people reach you if they wanted to read your work?

Yeah, dude, um, soldidea.com is the best place. The links are in the, the Winston bio, but it's, you know, S-O-U-L-E-D idea.com, um, and all the writings are there, the books there, and that's basically like the central place for all the, the Winston writing for sure.

Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me, man. Uh, it's been awesome. Winston, uh, I'm sure we'll do this again one day, but, um, thanks for joining me on the Soulcast today, dude.

Without a doubt, man. Thanks for having having me, and, um, God bless you, Sol Brah, my man.

You too, man.

Ciao. All right, cool. Peace.