Ep. 116 Finding The Punch Lines In Your Pain With Stephanie McHugh

Hey there, Mark Brown. What if we could find punchlines in our pain and bring it to the stage to help our audience?

You know, I've often been told that humor equals pain plus time, and I know today we have someone who not only lives it, but does it.

So take a listen to this. This is part of our standup routine, and then we're gonna introduce you to one of our favorites, Stephanie McHugh. Check this out.

It's weird being an empty nester. It's like having a rock in your shoe for 21 years just walking around just two seconds. Stop it. And now I miss the rock. So I did what any sensible woman would do. I quit my corporate day job, and I started driving for Uber at first. So, yeah, drink up. I'm driving you home tonight. I did that because it bridged the gap between working full time in corporate America and doing comedy. Even though I had been doing comedy a long time, I'm doing it full time, and it's great. And the kids are out of the house. They're doing wonderful. Yes. So you guys, it's good. Thank you. That's nice. There's a little bit of irony of life, because now that my kids are gone, my dad needs help. My dad has Parkinson's and dementia, and I feel blessed that I live close that I can help out. And so I take him to his activities sometimes. And there is a Parkinson's boxing class, you guys. There's a class specifically boxing for Parkinson's. It helps with hand eye coordination, and he can bring a buddy so I can take the class with him. And at the end of the class, someone came up to my dad and said, jim, thanks for bringing the eye candy to the class today.

You guys.

I'm the new, new young hot chick. The Parkinson's boxing class. Yes. Thank you. And because they have dementia, I'm the new young hot chick every time. You're getting a lot of phone numbers. It's the same one over and over. But still, it's good. We're having a good time. Makes me feel pretty. It's nice.

All right, so let's dive in, and we're gonna set up this podcast by getting behind those punchlines. How did it come together? What do you look for? Check this out.

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're about to find. Welcome to the unforgettable Presentations podcasts with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches, Mark Brown. Mark Brown.

Your life tells a story. And there's someone out there. Who needs to hear it?

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time.

Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation, Ahas? Let's dive right in.

Welcome Stephanie McHugh. Stephanie, how are you?

I'm doing good, thanks.

It's good to be here. That's just brilliant humor when you can bring levity to a really hard situation. And it's from your personal story. So let's just back up and just let the audience know you do cruise ships. You are home based Colorado Comedy Works comedy club. Give us a little bit of background. How did Stephanie get started and what are some of the places you played?

I started when I was in my 30s and had two small children last week. Oh, Mark, thank you.

Wow.

I lived in Chicago, downtown Chicago. I could have walked to Zany's or the Second City. Right. I never did it. I never followed through a single. And I wanted to do standup, but I didn't do it then, so it's never too late. And then I moved back to Colorado, married, had two kids. And ironically, when I was young, When I was 13, I had moved to Colorado from Indiana and one of my best friends, we hung out together, and her dad was an alcoholic, and I found I could make them both laugh when situations got tense. And then unfortunately, she got cancer. I know I'll bring the room up in a little bit. I feel like I'm getting down. But I held so much guilt. Winchita and I wrote her mom a letter and her mom wrote me back right away. And I inadvertently sent it to her mom on what would have been her birthday. It just really. I don't know, it felt like I. I'm like, what am I waiting for? Why am I kind of holding on to something that's not doing anyone any good? So I started doing something. I didn't set out to be a stand up comedian. I just took an improv class. I took an acting class. And then I met someone who said, hey, you should really try stand up. And he really kind of showed me how to go about it. Nine months in, I won a trip to the Las Vegas Comedy Festival. So that's where it was switched from hobby to really having more skin in the game.

I know we're diving into a painful subject here for everyone, but we really feel like there's gold. Like you and I were teaching a humor boot camp along with Kevin Burke, and this routine came up and I started thinking about it. I'm like, why did she write this? Why did she create this? What was her process? And I know you do cruise ships all over the world. You do comedy clubs. You open for Kathleen Madigan. Like, you've been there and done that. You're working in the speaking world as well as a humor coach. So let's just go back, because I want to dive right into this. How did you know that this is something you had to talk about or you wanted to talk about?

Yeah, I did take my dad to the Parkinson's boxing class. And so that really did happen. And at the end of the class, someone did come up. If he ever hears this, I don't know if he would remember saying it. So he did say that. And I looked at my dad, and my dad just stared. Stared at him. So it was kind of a moment for me because I thought, my dad's a pretty big guy. He's like 6:1 and 275 pounds. He's a big guy. My friends used to say when I was little, in junior high, they're like, your dad looks so mean. And my mom was, you know, had blond hair and looked very sweet. I'm like, oh, no, Dad's really nice. It's Mom. You don't want to cross. When she starts counting, you just start picking stuff up. You don't ask what. You just do it. But my dad is a sweet teddy bear. He just looks mean. So the fact. It was twofold for me. The fact that I'm like, I'm not sure if my dad knows what he said or I'm not sure he did know. And it's just kind of a hard moment for us because 20 years ago, no one would have said that to my dad. You know, I feel like people would have thought it's inappropriate. They just wouldn't have said that. They would have been too scared, I feel. So those two things kind of played a part. And I'm like, okay, I think I have. And then as comedians, which is so weird, you know, something horrible happens. You go, I think I have new five minutes. I think I have new five minutes of material.

And Stephanie, though, I wish speakers thought that way, because I think speakers miss that. Like comedians, you're trained. Something bad happens. Oh, cool. I got another bit. And I think speakers need to hear that. That those painful moments are exactly where the prize is right now.

Here's something I will share. I wrote that joke, I think, about two years ago, and my dad is continuously getting worse. So it's getting a little harder. And with the pandemic, you know, I haven't been performing on the CRU cruise ships and whatnot. So I can tell I'm getting a little too dark. It's fine for me. And actually, ironically, my dad, when he's sort of there, he will laugh. But I need to test a little bit more for the general population. I was performing for the Dry bar comedy. I hadn't performed hardly at all. I did it in April so I would practice my set in front of me for my parents on Zoom. And I just tried a little joke saying, you know, you can't plan when amazing opportunities happen. And in the past two weeks, my parents basement has flooded. My roommate's dog got cancer and I hurt my knee because I got food poisoning because I'm sorry, some of us faint and you know, when we, when we get sick and my roommate said, it's okay, we're all going to be fine except for my dog. And my mom goes, I watch my parents face. One of my favorite things to do is watch an audience when you say a joke or when you know a comedian is gonna say something that's kind of. So my mom goes, oh, honey, no, no, no, no, no, you can't say that. But my dad like leaned back and laughed sort of the darkness. So I sort of have that in common with my dad. But I have to refine it a little bit more before I say it out.

So you said, you gotta refine that.

Yeah.

You're talking about how you can find punchline in the middle of your pain and you see the darkness there. You don't just write the joke and it's there. You say it took some time to really craft it. So how important would you say it is for presenters, not only humorists, but for presenters to really think about and spend the time to make sure that what they want the audience to get, they do get. And how significant for you will you share with our listeners and viewers? Is the idea of testing with a.

Test audience 100% mark, you really need to test it. And I have. My daughters are now in their 20s, but I've been doing it since they've been three and five. So we have similar senses of humor. And they know me. So they'll be like, I see where you're going, but you're not. No, you're too abstract. You need to tighten that up. I'm like, okay. And another one too. Worked out great. I was hosting at Comedy Works and I tried a new joke. I switched my. So I'm just telling you, I'm not saying the joke right now, but I switched My Instagram, because My name's Stephanie McHugh. What can I have to say on the cruise ships that people will follow me on social media? And any kind of Stephanie is already taken. Stephanie, that's hard for drunk people on a cruise ship. You know, what can you do for drunk people on a cruise ship to follow you on Instagram? And so I go, what would work, Steph, that should work. So I changed my Instagram handle to Steph, that should work. And I tried that joke on stage. I said, so follow me. It's Steph, that should work. And I had some friends in the audience, so we went out afterwards, and he goes, oh, I didn't know you. You really meant that. I thought you were just. He goes, I didn't. I didn't get. I didn't get what you were saying. So that was valuable information to just kind of. I don't know it. Sometimes it just takes me three times to say the words, because I didn't really switch up the words too much. I think it was the tone. I'm not just trying to get the words out now. Now I've got it honed down, and I want you to do that. So if I hadn't met him or, you know, if you're working on something and you go, that didn't work. And then you move on to something else, you might. It just needs tweaking. You just need to tweak it.

Tweak it. Don't throw it away.

Right. Don't abandon it.

That should work, Steph, that should work. Yeah, don't abandon it.

Tweak it.

Give it three times on stage.

And if people remember the clip in the opening, you actually did a routine or a bit about your kids being that rock in your shoe. And if we think about that, that is a pain. Just like we're talking about punchlines in the pain. That's a pain that people can relate to. Like, oh, just can't wait till they move out. And, you know, you get a laugh. You get a laugh. And now I miss the rock.

Yeah.

So it's incredibly relatable. And again, came from the pain. And so do you remember when you wrote that joke or where that came from?

No, I can't remember.

It's been too many years.

All I remember, I was a little freaking out a little bit, because for so long I've had these dual passions. One is being a mom, and I didn't really. I traveled a little bit with Kathleen Madigan for a while, but it was just getting kind of Too hard to travel for me. I know other moms, moms who got it worked out, but for me, in our situation didn't. So now all of a sudden, you can put all your eggs in one basket and you're like, but there goes my material.

What am I going to talk about?

I hope I'm funny because now I don't have them to talk about. You know, I was literally thinking that. So then I go, okay, so what? What is it? I mean, Mark, didn't you feel that? Like, it feels like they're never going to leave. They're always there, and then all of a sudden they.

Well, my youngest comes and goes. He does do his laundry at the Brown Laundromat once in a while. Have dinner at Shay. Mom and dad. So nice. He's 27.

Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of people do say that. Like, don't hold your breath because they'll be back. Yeah.

You know what? Family. Honestly, family. And sometimes family difficulty can become good material. So what would you say, Stephanie, to those people who say, you know, that that's painful. I can't touch that. I can't talk about that. I don't want people to know what I've been through or it might hurt. How do you advise presenters or budding humorists who want to go there but are afraid to?

I would say this is where you put your big girl panties on and try it again. Try it three times. Because I think the first or second time I did the Parkinson's joke. It's wonderful to work at comedy work. So it's a comedy club, you know, so you can kind of go, okay, this is a pretty good room. I just throw one little thing in and someone goes, oh, when I said, my dad has Parkinson's, and I thought, oh, I just hurt someone. Someone, you know, that. That touched a nerve. Either they have Parkinson's or someone they love has Parkinson's. And for a little while, I'm a people pleaser. I mean, that's why I'm on stage trying to make everybody in the room laugh because I need everyone's approval. But I thought, do I want to do that? And I thought, yeah, I do. It was really. It was a moment for me standing there, seeing my dad, and I just kind of wanted to share my dad. So I just shifted my mindset. I'm like, I want people to feel the love. I'm trying to find the right words, feel the lover. I don't want them to feel hurt. And I know some people may think this isn't your pain. You don't have Parkinson's. And that's true. I'm coming from it, from watching someone I love and how can you support that person that you love go through this? You know, your father, who is a big, strong man, and now he's vulnerable and watch him fight the good fight. So that's. I just sort of. This may sound weird, but I just sort of go. I don't have that happen anymore because I kind of hold. I'm like, this is mine, 100% on board. You come with me, and we're going to have a good time. And I'm not here to hurt anybody. So does that make sense? I just kind of try and.

Yeah. And have you had any compliments, like people talk to you after the show or what are some of the things you hear now?

Now, as I've done that joke, it is amazing. More people come up to me for that than any other joke. They either say, I just got diagnosed with Parkinson's or my parent has Parkinson's. So it is really incredible. It's kind of heartbreaking a little bit how many people are touched by this disease, but they do. That's the one I say they come.

Up and mention now, and they're thankful. It's almost like you created a connection with them that other people will never have with them. And you just talked about it. I remember we talk about this in humor boot camp. My comedy mentor, Dave Fitzgerald, when he had bladder cancer, and I remember watching him bomb. And here I am at Wannabe Learning, and my hero, the headliner guy, is dying. And he, you know, I pulled him aside after the show, and I was like, dave, what are you doing? And he said, darren, I care more about making this funny than how it goes tonight. I care more about making this funny and how it goes tonight. And he realized over time, just like you with the testing, testing, testing, that he needed to. It was like the audience was thinking as soon as he said the word cancer. And this is back in the 90s when no one was talking about cancer from the stage. As soon as he said it, people thought, oh, my gosh, this poor guy is gonna die. And he would lose them emotionally. And they felt bad for him. But now they had concern. Jim Carrey says what the audience wants is freedom from concern. Now they had so much concern, they couldn't laugh. And so what he did is he came at it a different way. He told the audience, look, I'm the healthiest I've ever been in my life, but I want to tell you about something that happened last summ. So now they are free from concern. They know he's okay and they're with him. And now they could laugh at it. But he had to make the mistakes. And I think a lot of speakers aren't willing to do it wrong in order to get it right. And I think that's the experience that you do and teach and do all the time.

If you look at. That's great, Darren. That's a good perception. If you look at it as a puzzle, I feel. So it didn't work. You know, how can you come at it from another angle to make it work? How can you make the puzzle work? You have all the p pieces, they didn't fit together that way. So how do you go about it another way? That bit is amazing. That he does a lot. I've seen it.

That punchline puzzle. There it is, Mark. How do you figure it out? And you don't have the picture to go by because you're creating a brand new joke, right?

Yes.

You know, and the one difference that you have when you do stand up is we watched three bits of yours. In about a minute and a half a speaker is going to go deeper but they probably would have a story and be making a point with it rather than just entertaining. So a speaker is going to come at it a little differently yet the principle of getting the humor still there. And I remember Rosemary very, my humorist mentor, she said the problem is funny, the solution is serious, the problem is funny. You know, we connect on that joke on the punchline but then we get a really important message.

Right? Yeah. And I think you bring up some great points because when I go on stage the goal is to make them laugh so they know they're supposed to laugh. If you're a speaker, some people may think it's funny but they may feel it's not appropriate to laugh at you. So you'll want to make sure. My sister in law is amazing and I normally would not have done this but she has done so much for me and she said, hey, I'm doing the after prom party and I want you to do stand up comedy as one of the events that they can go to. So it's, it's 14 to 18 year olds and some of my joke, I'm clean but I, it's not their point of view. I talk about being divorced and feeling so vulnerable that I went on a date with the greeter at Walmart and they all went, oh, you know, they thought I really he Felt bad for me. And I didn't have a mic, I didn't have a sound system. So you know that mic and being able to project really helps keep their attention too. So my brother had two empty water bottles and he would go karum chink with them on the table so that they knew it's okay to laugh at the old weird lady. That weird mom.

Hot young Icann I was not then Mark.

Thanks for right the young hot chick.

I can't buy how things can change, right?

Oh so fast. That was the other thing too. When that happened at the Parkinson's boxing class, I'm like hey, I still got it. But I'm like 20 years ago I legit would have been a young hot thing.

But oh well, I guess that becomes perspective. But even that for someone who's, you know, we get on in our years could be seen as something sad or tragic. We're getting older, we don't move as fast. We're going through changes in our human bodies as life goes on. But is there a technique you have to seek out the humor in life's challenges to find the punchlines and the pain. What do you look for, Stephanie?

I guess I look for the pain in situations and that can be something that's kind of heavy what happened with dad. But it also can be. And Darren and I talk about this too on the cruise ships. I'm looking for and I'm by myself. Typically there's, there's three comedians on the ship but you don't know who they are. So the first couple of days you're really sort of by yourself and you can just kind of people watch. And one thing I noticed is early on in the cruise ship like the first day people are so excited they're on vacation. They got their, you know, matchy matchy T shirts for the family reunion. They got their drink with the umbrella. They're looking around checking everything out on the ship. And then about day four, like Wednesday, you know, that starts on Sunday. They're little, they're a little irritated with the family. You know, cabins are so small and so that's when like halfway through, that's when I talk about, you know, the honeymoon phase of the cruise is over and everybody gets a little snippy with each other and there's food so there's just so much. So I'll talk about. I saw one little 10 year old and he had a plate and he had soft serve ice cream and french fries. Just heaped. I'm like, wow, that is my spirit Animal. He knows me. So you just take something. You know, as a mother, a woman of my age, you would think, oh, she would not approve of that. But then you just go, he's my spirit animal. You know, I wish I could do that and not be judged. So you just try and find the angle of something. The pandemic. I'm still not really performing as much as I did before. And like I mentioned earlier, I feel like I'm starting to get a little too dark. So I'm trying to find, like, I'm gonna go to a cooking class. I'm trying to find something, because cooking is. Not everyone's gone to a cooking class, but hopefully everyone, I don't know, done something or knows someone who does. So I try. I'm trying to find opportunities because I don't have the kids anymore either. Things to do that I've wanted to do, and then I'll find something to write about, the experiences that I do.

So you're saying we can look for humor in all of our experiences. They may not often seem to be painful upfront.

Right.

Have a mindset that says there could be humor in this over time. It may not be today, or it may be immediate, like ice cream and French fries and a spirit animal, but you want to look for humor in everyday activities, like going to a cooking class or doing boxing class or whatever the case may be. So as presenters, we want to, as Darren says, rely on our stories. And very often we want stories that we can tell for two or three minutes. Powerful, meaningful stories. But sometimes the humor can come from unexpected places. So look for the humor in every situation. That's wisdom right there.

Yeah, it's that having a new outlook, a new perspective. And when you're a speaker, you're a presenter, people are there to hear your perspective on whatever subject you're talking about. So what we're trying to train you, Stephanie's insights here is look for the pain first. Look for the pain first. That's where the gold is. Dave Fitzgerald used to say, there's gold in them. They're ills, not hills. Ills.

And now you realize, Darren, that millennials have no clue what that means. Right?

Well, I think that's something too. People, you know, you're like, I need to be funny. So you're sort of trying to. I don't know, you're putting too much energy. You're trying to be crazy. And that's not where the universal humor is. I feel it's in the pain. I'm not looking to Be funny. In the very beginning, I'm looking for, where is the irritation or devastation?

And in humor boot camp, you even talk about that you're trying to connect first. Without connection, there is no punchlines.

Yeah, that's how I go about it. Yeah. Before I go on stage, I try to. Yeah. I just imagine the audience, what they're doing, how excited they're to be there, and like, okay, we're gonna have a good time when I'm up there, you know, we're gonna be and bring them in and connect.

So are there those individuals you've met and worked with because you're also coaching speakers now and you've been involved in humor for a while. Do you find that so many people try too hard to be funny and to kind of try to create humor? What advice do you give? Somebody says, you know what? I've tried these jokes. I'm trying to be funny and it's not landing hell. How would you advise them, Stephanie?

So I would say initially, look at those. And are you just trying to be funny to be funny? I guess sometimes too, you can't. What do I want to say? How do I want to say this? And I don't want to be mean. I mean, you, you need to have an eye when you look at it. Are you being funny for the sake of being funny? Do you need to go somewhere else to find the pain, you know, or do you just need to tweak it a little bit? I know that's a lot right there, but that's how it's a puzzle again. We're going back to the puzzle. So look at it. Does it just need to be tweaked or do you need to let that one go and find another part?

But that leave me to ask one more question, Stephanie, because Darren and I have talked with people a lot about the idea of getting a nice joke, a good one liner in getting a punchline. And I almost feel as if you're saying, don't try so hard just to be funny. But it's almost like, why do you want to say this? What kind of reaction do you want? And as presenters, it's not so much about the one line, ha, ha ha, big laugh. But we try to have more humor in our story. We say uncover humor. So is there a difference in your experience between just trying to find a joke to make the audience laugh or being humorous from a situation to have them enjoy the experience of being with you as the humorist presenter?

Yeah, definitely have them have a humorous experience with me. You know, and have story. I'll say stories now for speakers, you know, that really resonate. And then as you continue to speak, what's the feedback that you get? You know, like the new young hot chick is something that I get back now. So that's another reason. And that's a funny line. And again, I'm coming from a comedy point of view. I'm not saying that the speakers need to be stand up comedians. That's, that's not. But, but where can you find that? If you go deeper down into that again, that goes back to the experience with my dad and me as his daughter and us going through this with this devastating disease. So that story is, is what that is. So what are people saying, you know, back to you or are they not saying something back to you? And then you, you kind of look, take a step back and usually takes me two or three days. It's like marbles rolling around in the head. I just kind of think about that story or whatever. How can I go about that? Is that something that these people would relate to? What are they doing today? What's their day like? What pain did they go through today? And how's it going to be when we meet? And it's just like my mind just rambles. That's what's good about comedy, is it gives you an outlet to say that. But does that make sense, what I said back?

I'll get back to you in my interpretation. You're saying to analyze the audience response to make sure you are relatable to them with your humorous stories, your anecdotes and even your one liners. It has to come back, to take a step back. What are they saying to you? Like the audience is telling you what works. And maybe for some, I mean, I can remember when I was first speaking back in the 1990s, I thought something was funny and I would try it with an audience. It went flat. I tried somewhere else. It went flat. I'm not funny, I'm just funny looking. I know that was a funny one. But I would have the same. I was sure this was funny and I'd do it three or four times and it wouldn't work. You figure after the third time, duh is not working. Change it, drop it or tweak it. But it took me a while to realize this is not working. Something else. My mistake was I would abandon it, but not try to amend it. And you're saying don't abandon it, amend it. I mean, it's my verb is what you're Saying, don't abandon it, amend it. I didn't get that. And now I realize that hearing myself say that now, Stephanie and Darren and friends, it's giving me a reason to go back to back into the mid-1990s and say, what did I abandon back then that I can resurrect now? I can modify with experience and change that might actually work more effectively here, 27, 28, 27, 29 years later. But I never thought about that. So in a long way around, thank you. If it doesn't work, don't abandon it, amend it, Darren.

Yeah. I remember when I first came into Toastmasters from the standup comedy world. My brain was trained, Stephanie, just like yours. And I would watch people give a story and get a half a laugh and then abandon it. And I remember when I would throw out a punchline, write the place that I wanted to them to laugh. If one person, one person just went, huh? Like right at the right spot, I knew they got the change of direction. So most speakers would throw it away and start over and look for another story and think, it doesn't work. And I would be like, ha, I'm onto something. They got it. I just need to make it clearer. I need to make it better, I need to set it up better. I need to change the direction more crisply, or something like that. So that was one great training from the standup world is I was trained not to abandon, but to amend. Test it. Amend, test it, amend, test it. And in the standup world, Stephanie, I had learned that two things. Number one is that if you're going to test something, you're going to test it three or four times before you amend it or throw it away. So you either amend it or throw it away, but you test it for three different audiences, because sometimes it could be the audience, sometimes it could be the time of day. So there's some factors that you want to work out and you try it three times your way, it doesn't work. Then you either got to amend it or throw it out. But sometimes it is the audience, sometimes they're off, sometimes they're in a bad mood. You don't know. And the other thing, Tim Guard Mark had talked about this, too. I believe in his podcast episode where he said, if they laugh, it's fun, bottom line, Because I remember I was always trying to get my brother's approval and trying to make something that he thought was funny. Meanwhile, if the audience laughed, it's funny. You can't argue with that. And I think that's One of the things that, like, you're saying, Stephanie, we gotta test it, see their reaction to know if it's worth tweaking and amending or if we already got it.

Boom, Right? Mark, I know another comedian, his name's John Novasad and he has spiral notebooks. He is hilarious. He also goes by hippie man. And I know he took his notebooks from like the early 90s and revisited him because he's a different person, he's a stronger community. He's got 30 years experience. Just like what you were saying, Mark, the things that didn't work for you early on, you're looking at it with a fresh pair of eyes now with all the experience that you have. So when we say throw away, keep it to the side because you never know when you might come back and reuse it. Yeah, yeah.

Have an idea file, or we call it a story file in the speaking world. And even if you work with it or don't work with it, at least capture it.

I call it a box of post it notes and napkins. Tomato, tomato. Yes.

Well, you don't accidentally delete that file.

Well, I am hearing one more thing. And I would encourage everyone who's listening to this or those who are watching on the YouTube video to think about humor vignettes, anecdotes and stories that may not have worked for you in the past that you may have let slide. It might be a good idea to do, as Stephanie says, to revisit them. Because now, different point in your life, different maturity, different experience. We've gone through so much the last two years as a world that the tragedy that we didn't touch 15 years ago or 10 years ago in the context of the last two years may be just the thing you need to revisit that could make somebody else laugh and get them through their difficult season. Right, Darren?

Amen and Stephanie. One of the questions we ask as we kind of start to wind it down, Mark, if you want to put your notes together, trying to.

Yep.

Is Stephanie, if you were sitting down with an emerging speaker, or let's just say an experienced speaker who really wants to be unforgettable, and they come to you and they say, look, I just, I want to be funnier. I got some pain in my life. Stephanie, over coffee, what would you tell someone one on one?

I would say, wear hot pink pants with turtles on it. It. That'll get a laugh every time. You're going to be memorable. People are going to, who was that guy in the hot pink pants with the turtles on it.

Touche. Wow, that was great. You know, I gotta tell you, Darren, you know, that's funny. It is really funny. And the sad thing is, I tried to visualize Darren in Hot Pink.

Anyway, it's a buzzkill. I got those jam.

Talking about finding the punchlines in your pain. I didn't really think about this, Darren, but 20 years ago, when you and I first met and you're working on your speech, you took that pain of a $60,000 debt, what it meant for you, for your business and your future. And that is still funny today so many years later, because you found that punchline and I doubled that debt and I doubled. Five words became the punchline to a serious pain that sent you back home to mom and daddy. I mean, all that tragedy, all that pain, and in five words, you tore the house down. It's still funny to this day. And that teaches us, Stephanie, that if we can find the funny, if we can find the punchline and the pain, it could be good for us as individuals dealing with our own pain. But, you know, it might just be the tonic that somebody in the audience needs to deal with their own pain as well. And with that, I'm gonna share some keepers. Unless Darren's got something else.

Hold on one second. Before we go to keepers, you just brought up an idea. I remember Dave Fitzgerald saying that after he got the bladder jokes to work and had people laughing. That's why I asked Stephanie, what were some of the comments you heard after? And that's the key. What are they talking about after? What do they come up and talk to you about? Whatever they come up and talk to you about after, that's the most memorable to them. And it may be different throughout the audience, but if there's that commonality, we know we're hitting a chord. And Dave said he had someone come up to him after who he said it would happen regularly that somebody would say, look, if you can joke about your cancer now, I think I can tell my family, like, that's life changing comedy. So if you're listening to this, know that your pain is that your ability, your gift to be able to. If you want to be on stage and get approval like Stephanie and me from everyone, I just want you to love me. Your key to that is going deep. And Mark, when you brought that up and you looked at the first version of my speech and you're like, we need a failure. I was like, I got a failure. But that was honed and discovered and mined because of the Judy Carter book And Judy Carter said, go to the pains in your life. And that was easy. For me, the subway was a starting point. And that joke has been going for three decades now, but it still works. But it's also, nobody's gonna say to Stephanie, hey, I'm gonna steal your Parkinson's joke. There's some jokes that can be stolen, but when it's from you and your personal story, it's yours, it's yours. But it's also your ability to bridge the gap between somebody and their pain and their tragedy. And if we want to be loved, we want to help heal. And using punchlines from our pain is one way to do that. So, Stephanie, thank you for joining us. Stephanie, if somebody wanted to reach out to you or get coached by you, because even though you might start the process and people might have ideas, I found it so much faster to get to the actual punchline when you have a coach. So if somebody wants coaching or wants to follow you and know where you're playing, what cruise ships, where would they find you?

You can follow me on Instagram at steph, that should work.

Or yes, stephaniemcugh.com hashtag Steph, that should work.

Darren, we have the coaches page too.

Yeah, get a speaking coach dot com. Get a speaking coach.

You know what's cool? What's cool is, Stephanie, you just told me and I go back to the beginning of our podcast. You're really telling us that we can find humor and funny. We can find punchlines in the pain that starts right at home with our family, with our kids, the rocks in our shoes. And you gave us some other great wisdom today. You said to try every bit three times. Be willing to tweak and change it. If something continues to not work, don't abandon it, amend it. Your punchline is like a puzzle. Move the pieces and make them work. Look for the humor in every situation, knowing that universal humor really is in the pain. So find the pain first. You don't have to be a stand up comedian to find the funny, but if you analyze the audience response and respond to that, you can create the funny. Stephanie, thank you so much for giving us wisdom on finding the punchline in the pain. I really appreciate it, Stephanie. That should work. Steph, that should work at Steph, that should work. That should work.

Work. It should work, even if you are a comedian.

Thank you so much, you guys. All right.

Thanks for having me bringing the punchlines out there. People need to hear you. Stephanie, we love you. We're fans. And if you're listening to this Join us next week for a special guest. I think we haven't invited him yet, but anyway, we'll see you next week. Join us.

Bye.

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