Ep. 170 Thanksgiving Brainstorming?

Hey there, Mark Brown. I've been thinking about this. Let's do something a little different. You and I talked about it, but on this episode, let's actually do like a live brainstorming. Thanksgiving is here today. Today, let's have a live brainstorming because there's so much potential stories right at your fingertips that we don't want you to miss this.

Let's do it.

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're about to find out. Welcome to the unforgettable presentations podcast with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches, Mark Brown.

Mark Brown, your life tells a story and there's someone out there who needs to hear it.

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation, Ahas. Let's dive right in.

All right, Mark. So we were talking about this. Let's do this. This is like live without a net.

And I'm not a circus act.

Amen. But there's in the United States, those of you outside the United States, you probably have heard about our holiday Thanksgiving. It's a one time. It's not a religious holiday. It's just a time to give thanks. So a lot of families gather. Some do, some don't, but a lot of them do. And it's just a great day. It's not like you have to bring gifts. So there's the stress of, did I get the right gift? Are they gonna. No. It's about getting together, family memories. And this is one of the key things that there are some gold. You know, we talk about getting coached, which is powerful. But what if you. Mark, we did live without Annette. You didn't even run this by you. What if you deputized your family as your coach and literally deputies your family.

Explain for us, Darren.

Literally have them hire them without paying them to help relive some of the memories growing up. Maybe it's the memory of last Thanksgiving when uncle Bob's wig fell in the soup.

It's your piece.

When?

I love it. I love it.

When watching the football game and the sound went out and what you did or you lost electricity. What are some of those past Thanksgiving memories? What are those stories that you always tell that could be transformed into a powerful point and here's why. The relatability factor, especially if you're doing a keynote in Thanksgiving, if you're outside of the United States, then you can refer back to it or frame it however it works for you. But in the United States, we all know Thanksgiving. So if you had a Thanksgiving story, or if it's a story about just the past, or even if it's a story about Christmas or Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, like, whatever that is. But Thanksgiving is a special, unique time because you have all these memories. We talk about things. So Mark and I today wanted to really put on your radar screen the stories that are bubbling around you to be able to grab them, capture them, put a little note, put a V on your phone, capture it. This is a critical time to capture. Capture what captures you. So while you're at the Thanksgiving dinner or family or friend gathering, listen, Listen up. And maybe you could even ask them if they have some fun stories that they could share or fun or powerful stories, but literally let them help you.

Yeah. And the cool thing is you say, hey, listen. And Joan, tell us again about the time when. And you'll see people begin to tune in and pay attention. They're telling you a story, a memory that could be gold for you. So really, the idea of deputizing your family as your coach is part of a process which includes what I call mine your memories. You mine the memories. Not only yours. I say mine the memories because it's the members of your family, an entire group. It is a collaborative process whereby everyone's memories that you can bring in will be so unique to your family. And when you have everyone's memories being brought in, here's a cool thing. We often think of what uncle did or aunt miss or grandma or pop, but sometimes the kids, the teenagers in the family, will tell you something they remember, and you go, oh, wow. Wow, I had forgotten about that. You know that because here you have a story which can be applicable not only for adult audiences, but maybe when a youth group, the ymca, a local boys and girls club. But any audience members that are in that demographic can relate to that story. So keep your ears wide open, mind the memories, and deputize your family as your coach. Make note of those things. And you know what, Darren? Events like American Thanksgiving, there are other events where people get together around the world when they meet with family. And it's a golden opportunity, in my opinion, to draw on the wisdom of the more mature family members, those who are older, those who may have gone through a difficult economic time in their country. In their situation, they maybe they saw some conflict and they were pretty close to it and how it shaped them and their love for their family and the concern they have for you as one of their. Of their descendants. I Mean, there's so much there in just having a conversation with people in your family whom you don't see that often. But this could be a prime time to deputize your family to mine some memories and unearth some new material that you never knew was there.

Yeah, Mark, and you brought up something with the youth. If there's youth in the room, ask them. They are going to tell you more, let's say raw and real stories. Their honesty can be huge. So whether it's the elders in the family and friends zone or the kids in the family and friends zone, you might get some great. You will get some great ideas. And also keep in mind that you may remember a story, but here's a clue. They remember it differently. They may remember some different facts or have a different perspective from you that might just make it gold. Gold, Jerry. There's gold there, Jerry.

Gold in them. Their heels.

So just we're really trying to emphasize that Thanksgiving, you want to give thanks and ask people what are they thankful for when they go around the table. If you do that like our family does, what is brought up and could that be a story? Could that be a story? That's why I want you to remember. Could that be a story? Could that be a story? And when we say capture, capture what captures you, whether it's on your phone, which obviously would be a little more convenient than carrying a pad of post its family gathering. But hey, whatever works for you.

Voice note, man. Voice note.

But capture the details. This isn't about telling the story. It's about capturing the details that will help you tell the story. And Mark, I think this is a great mark principle for an occasion like this, which is the mark version of best, worst, last and first, you know, so even if you want to bring up a conversation, hey, what was the best holiday we had? Or what was the worst memory?

Or what was the.

What was. What do you remember about your first time with this family? If there's someone who married into the family, ask them about their first time coming to the family event because again, it's relatable. Now we need to make a solid point that helps prove our premise. But there's just so much here. And we want you to capture the gold.

I'll be honest here. We're doing this live. We're recording. We didn't rehearse this. We didn't plan this. You talk about that first time. I have older children. Those who know me know my. My youngest is 28 years old. Okay, I've got one who's 36, who's here for Thanksgiving with his girlfriend for the first time. My daughter with her husband several Times Now Since 2020 in the pandemic. But the first time he came with her for Thanksgiving, that means more to me personally than you would ever imagine. Darren, I'm glad you brought it up because there's two pieces to this I want to look at. There may be more, but it's two I want to look at. One is having someone come to your home for their first Thanksgiving as the boyfriend or the girlfriend. And as you said, Darren, I began to have stories rolled around my head. My daughter's husband, he was here for Christmas. One time, we're playing basketball outside, he popped his Achilles in my front yard, playing basketball under the hoop in my driveway. I mean, right? Sure. Welcome to our family, son. Right. So it's memories of those who are coming to you house for the first time. But what do you recall about your first Thanksgiving with your in laws or your significant other's family? What was that like? What memory does that draw. Draw up? And what story have you never told from that experience?

And again, capture the details. When I was even talking about that, it reminded me of my grandfather on the Polish side. He was just this amazing man loving man, just salt of the earth, great guy. Everyone loved him. Hard, hard worker, had these forearms like Popeye because he was such a hard worker. Forearms like Popeye. Detail. And I was reminded that like he loved wrestling back in the days of Chief J. Strongbow and Jesse the body. Ventura.

Ventura, Rocky Johnson, those guys.

Yeah. Even before, like the classic Andre the Giant.

Andre the Giant, Yep.

And he was just this amazing and. But he just wrestling, not real. Da da, da. He didn't care. He was so into it. And I remember someone brought up, one of the funny relatives brought up. He would always be just mesmerized and he would just go, wow. Like that's how he said it. Wow. But that can. A detail like that can bring a character to life and make your story vibrant. So that's why we say, you know, capture the details. The great grandpa said, wow. Like, you don't have to write it all out. This is not the time to create the story. This is a time to capture details and the stories that later on you can come to one of our boot camps and work it out.

So you mean his laugh was like. His wow was like your aunt's laughing in stereo?

Yes, yes. And that's a. Another one too that I put in my book and I tell when I tell the story of being 8 years old at the kids table. When I say 8 years old at the kids table, by the way, if you're going to a home that you've always gone to, take note of the details, be more aware. Because whenever I tell that story and I talk about I was at the kids table, you know, the rickety card table.

Yeah.

Boom. People can relate. And that's the power of the story. When you tap into a memory, a strong memory of someone, they're gonna go with you on the story because you're relating it directly to their life. So what do you see? Was there always the grandpa's favorite red candle or grandma's? You know, when I think of my grandmother, I think of her cutting strawberries over the sink because she would grow the strawberries in her own garden. And I think of my cousins and I when we were in the tricycle age, that they had a bunch of tricycles and they had this big driveway, and we'd always just be tooling around. And you know, the older relatives, my brother and sister, you know, they were too cool for that. Cause we were in tricycle stage. So it just. There's interesting dynamics. It was the doing lip sync concerts in my grandmother's bedroom where we would set up the drum kit, like the pillows and everything.

Yeah.

And it's just like things like that that are relatable. Okay, what's the story? What's the story? And again, you can figure that out later. But I'm willing to bet that if you really listen and then you ask some questions, they're there, they're open, they probably know you're a speaker and just ask them. Hey, you don't even have to say, hey, I'm working on finding stories. Just say, ask questions. Hey, what do you remember from, you know, like you said, if the boyfriend comes for the first time, but now they've been married for 10 years. What do they remember about their first, their best, their worst, their last, or first? It's so content rich. It's so story rich. But if we don't capture it, we're not going to probably talk about it until next Thanksgiving.

You know, it's funny, I'm chuckling now because you talked about being on the tricycles, going on in the driveway, having lip sync concerts in your grandmother's bedroom with the pillows being the drums. I have known you for over 20 years, Darren Lacroix. I've never heard those stories before. Right. And the thing is, just having this conversation is eliciting these memories For Darren and for me of my now son in law popping his Achilles in my driveway playing basketball. You know, and there is so much beauty in recalling these kinds of events. And there's one more too. What happens is having these conversations can be triggers for you. Because right now, what this discussion has triggered for me, Darren, is a time my daughter and her husband and my son all came from the D.C. virginia area down here to Georgia for my wife's birthday and they surprised her. So I went off to the store to buy groceries and some supplies for dinner. And I end up going to Macon airport. I picked them up, we pull in the driveway. My youngest son, David was living at the time with us and he had his camera ready and we opened the door and my wife saw her daughter, her and her boyfriend, she saw my son and she said, oh, gonna have a heart attack. Oh my gosh. And the look on her face, Surprise birthday get together for mom. That was precious and priceless. Now as we talk about this, can you recall maybe the surprise celebration that your family may have had? You're thankful for the reactions, the responses. Think about all of these, all of these events in our lives. Hold gold. They need to be told.

Hold gold. That's bold.

Need to be told. They shouldn't grow more.

They need to be told, okay, you just elicited emotion.

Yeah, I didn't plan that though, because it would golden the mold in our opposites here. The contrast is key. But think about that as we're having this spontaneous brainstorming life for you, our friends and loved ones. We're now in our own lives recalling some of these memories and sharing them with you for the first time. I've never told that in any, give any speech, but just having the conversation. So when Darren says just ask questions, have conversations, their memories come flooding out and they also bonus trigger memories of your own experience when you were younger that you may have not tapped into. So the idea of having your family deputized is more than just having them tell you stories. It's great. But the bonus is it'll also help trigger for you memories. You may have a long place on the back burner and something they say, an image they recall, a toy they bring up, oh my God, When I was 7, I had one of those and I never knew that Darren Lacroix rode a tricycle. So there you go. You never know what can come from letting, from drawing these out. And the bigger bonus from my perspective is this. When you draw on all these memories, you will trigger memories in your audience. As well, you open up their mind, their thinking, and if you happen to address other presenters, you're giving them fuel to go back and say, oh, I'd let that lie for a long time. I need to rediscover this. There is beauty, there is beauty. We get a hold of gold, don't make it turn to mold. The story needs to be told. I'll stop there.

Yeah. So many memories are bubbling up and we hope most importantly, they are for you and it gives you better questions. And I really honestly believe if you ask the elder and the youngsters in your family, you're actually going to learn something about them and their perspective because it may be a little story you forgot about, but to them it was a memory. To them it stood out. To them it was unforgettable. So here's the cool part. The youngster gets to talk and everyone's listening. The elder gets to talk and they're reliving their favorite memories. You just held them up and let them be loved because they were heard. And when you know the couple memories that came up for me, Mark, like you had said, when I tell the story of the eight year old table, when I describe it going back to my youth, when I hushed my own audience, I created the image of the laughter. My cousin having everybody laughing and enjoy recapping Saturday Night Live skits and Steve Martin. In fact, my aunts, I have twin aunts and they laugh in harmony. Waff, waff, waff. Even if one on one conversations, when I describe that and do that with my hands, I'm doing waff, waff, waff with my hands. Everyone smiles because they've been around someone. The relatability factor with an infectious laugh. But the twins give it a visual and it's also the truth. That's how I think of it. That's how I remember it. And then another one. Mark, you never heard about this either. My mom, again, think of food. What food stories. Because there's always that. And oh, by the way, the young man who came in second this past year at the world championship, he told a story about food and tradition and holidays. So it triggered. I had thought of that, Mark, when you and I were talking on the phone this morning prior to the podcast recording. But I remembered my mom and dad, we were driving to my grandmother's house. Not necessarily over the river and through.

The woods, but ah, where are you going?

Through the woods. We weren't on a horse drawn slate. We're in a little tan Subaru. They had just gotten it brand New. And my mom is known for her chocolate cream pie.

Ooh, chocolate cream.

Chocolate cream pie. That was one of. And my grandma made a chocolate roll. That was amazing. But we were driving over there. Mom was in the front seat. Dad was driving, and they were in an accident. And so the chocolate cream pie went, like, everywhere and all over. My mom, she was holding it and then went to. I know they were rushed by the ambulance to the hospital. I mean, they were okay. They were okay. A little shocked and stunned. But I remember the power of humor and edifying that one of the emergency care workers said, how's that chocolate cream pie lady doing?

Whoa.

And it was just a little bit of levity in a tough, traumatic situation that probably made my mom smile because she came back after she was checked out and told us about. It meant something to her, that chocolate cream pie lady. And it was almost like a prideful thing. Not pride in a bad way, but like, she was noticed. And so there's an example right there that I could develop that into a story if it's going to fit one of my premises.

Not only that, Darren, this individual used a technique with an identifier as a name, a technique you have been teaching for years. How can we see a character more meaningfully? And the chocolate cream pie later, you know, officer friendly. And sometimes you give the character a name by which you identify what they do, and it makes them memorable, and you can really massage that as part of your story, you know, and that. That's it. That's really cool. I wrote down here, let's focus on the food and what it represents, you know, these events, and it's generally joyful. Now, I do have an idea, Darren, that, you know, may seem to some to be about a bit of a downer, but it doesn't have to be, because even in his speech, our friend Alex Hard Matt, who was number two in the world, talked about the annual tradition that they have and those who had left. And I know at times when we have our Thanksgiving and family get togethers, there are memories of those who were here last year, but who are not here this year. And the memories for me have been just wonderful blessings. In the same way we say, oh, it's baby's first Thanksgiving. And we have the celebration, we get a nice costume. The baby has no clue why we do it right? So we. We can celebrate those who have left their imprint on our families who are no longer with us. And we can also celebrate those who are with us for the first time. Maybe it is a new Baby, maybe it is the newlywed, the new husband, the new wife, the new spouse who was in with the family for the first time at that particular get together. So there's, there's so many opportunities there to talk about the relationships, the passage of time, the memories that we have of those who have gone before, the blessings that they were to us and how we have tried to be like them. And you know, we don't normally promote other people's programs or speeches as much, but because he mentioned Alexander Max, if you look at his presentation at the Toastmasters conference contest, you will see in seven minutes, he really does much of what we're talking about right now around one particular day. And you'll see just a glimpse and a taste, pun intended. A taste. Right. Like no baked cake.

Boy, I didn't. I wasn't ready with my rim.

I know. I'll give you time to find it.

There you go.

A taste of what you can provide as you draw upon these memories, even of those who have gone before. The fun memories, the jokes you had a fun time you had. It did not be a sad down part of experience. It could really be a real blessing. It can be joyful as well. And also the anticipation of the years to come of new members of the family and the children who are coming up. It's just a wonderful season and time to see, see the stories of the individuals who are in the room and to be thankful for the blessing of being in that room with them because that's what being together as family is really all about. And being thankful during a season of Thanksgiving, despite how difficult things have been. And you know, I don't want to. To belabor again what may seem like negative when you look at what, what has the family been through over the last year, how we had to be strong together to encourage each other when somebody had a loss or somebody lost their job. What was it like as a family? And they're all. You're all there together. And the memory of how you held each other up, that can be so inspiring and so beautiful. There is so much we can, we can draw from and eventually share from our Thanksgiving experiences. Yeah.

And look at the traditions you have. If it's watching a football game, what goes along with that football game? Is there popcorn? Is there like my sister makes, makes this unbelievable dip. It's so simple, it's so easy, and yet it's so good. What's around the things you do together? What's that tradition that might be a story. And Mark, I was also thinking about this. If you went around the table or one on one conversations, just asking, let's just say you lost someone or even if they're there, it might even be better if they're there, grandpa, grandma, great grandpa, great grandma. And go around the table and ask, what did you learn from them? And then tell me about that story. So now you're asking for the lesson, but you're asking for the story around when you learned it. So not just memories, but if you ask for a memory, that's going to trigger part of the brain. If you ask for a lesson, that's going to trigger a different part of the brain. And now you have the lesson learned. And what's cool Mark is it will probably come out in dialogue.

It should actually.

Yeah. Which is what we teach on how to tell stories. So if you trigger the dialogue, then boom, you're there. Your, your story is, is 60, 70% there. Now let's just work around it. And then they'll give you the story that goes with it if you can. If you're going around with permission, you know, you might even turn on the recorder and just capture all of it. And then you have it as a keepsake for future, you know, to pass on to the kids or the grandkids.

You know, I'm glad you mentioned about, you mentioned food earlier and tradition. Be aware that some experiences are so close to you, you may not realize the significance. And Darren, you know, we said focus on the food. He mentioned what's our normal dish? And mention Alexander's grandmother's no great baked cake. And I realized one of our traditions when the kids come home is they're going to come. They always come up early. Like, you know, you come over three days early, whatever, a few days early. But one of our traditions around Thanksgiving and Christmas here in the Brown household is that when they get off the plane, if they fly down from, you know, D.C. or when they get out of the car, they drive the several hours down and they get refreshed. What awaits them every single time is tacos that my wife Andrea makes. It has been a tradition for years. She'll make a mess of tacos, soft tacos, hard tacos, ground turkey, tomatoes, lettuce, spices. I mean, this is the thing. And our kids will devour 25 tacos. I may have one, maybe two. But just watching them do that is part of the experience of the tradition that our family has at these times. So the other piece is, as you said, Darren, what are notable specific traditional practices that your family has? I Know, here in North America, American Thanksgiving, yeah, we're gonna watch football. You know, of course my son and I watch English football, but that's okay. But are there other unique experiences, unique practices? You all go for a family walk, 10 people down the street together. I don't know, you know, what do you normally do that nobody else does and what happens during that activity? We have done the bowling thing, but the walking is really interesting because we may have eight of us going for a walk and Darren will walk for half an hour more. And what always happens is this, before long you'll see two together or three together. My wife and my son in law will be talking to each other. My daughter and I, my princess and her puppies will have our conversation. You know, my brother and his, my son, his brother and his girlfriend will hang out together. It's really, really interesting and how dynamic goes. And there may be those activities that you and your family participate in that you never thought what it was like. But think about this. If you do the family walk and you do break up into groups, have you ever looked back and said, oh, I'm so happy to see those two talking together? It's great. But there is so much here when you brainstorm and drill down deep. And I would dare say, Darren, that this idea of what we can do, looking at a family holiday tradition, we can draw so much material from that experience, we could fill, I don't know, three or four people with him on the stories. The key is though to capture the photographs, the video, the sound bites and enhance your story folder. Not the story file, your story folder and use the material when it's appropriate. And I love the idea of finding the lesson first and then enhance the story around the lesson. That's just goal right there.

Yeah. And if you're at your grandparents home or the home where you do these holidays, take some pictures, take some pictures of the way the table's set of, you know, the gravy bowl that brings you a memory where you watch football like. Cause that could be used to help reinforce the story and set the mood. But it's yours, it's your custom visual as we teach.

And you know, Darry said, looking around the room, it occurred to me just now, isn't it true for the most part when you have these get togethers, certain individuals will sit in certain spots, not at the dining table. When you're casual for the tv, that recliner, that's gonna be Bob's, right? This chair and those that blanket. My wife has a bunch of blankets in a wonderful little hashtag in our sitting room. And you know the Snuggie is hers. That's a blanket with arms called a Snuggie. If you don't own it is Google it, right? And there's one that has Manchester United on it. That's going to be my blanket. It's who sits where, who has what. And these traditions almost evolve organically. No one says I will claim that seat. But every year they go to the. Everybody knows who came to the remote. We all know who was the keeper of the remote, right? It's, it's just really. Do they bring certain games to play? My kids bring board games. We actually do board games at these events. I mean this as again having a conversation, Darren, and having brainstorming. I'm thinking I don't talk about all of these things and what they mean for us. But I have to now apply my own, my own advice to myself and say, look Mark, you really have a lot you can use in your presentations. And anyone who knows me knows there's hardly ever any talk I give where my family is not mentioned. Even if I'm doing corporate leadership at some point I bring my family in and that's just who I am. And I have now even more to draw on to share with my audiences. And I believe you will too if you're willing to look at the holidays through a different lens and find out what you can glean and then you can then share. Because these holiday experiences, they hold the gold. They must not grow mold. The stories must be told.

Mark, I think you said it perfectly. You wrapped it up well and we want to let you get to Thanksgiving dinner, breakfast, football, whatever it is for you. But capture the gold. Join us next week and we're going to talk about some casual things that are costing you cash.

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