Ep. 194 Are You a Selfish Presenter?

Hey there, Mark. Tough question. Are you selfish?

Ooh, that's almost mean.

It is almost mean. But if we're gonna be unforgettable, we gotta ask ourselves the tough questions. Are you a selfish presenter?

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're a about to find out. Welcome to the Unforgettable Presentations podcasts with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches, Mark Brown.

Mark Brown, your life tells a story, and there's someone out there who needs to hear it.

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation? Ahas. Let's dive right in.

Oh, Mark, this is not the. You're a good presenter just as you are podcast.

Oh, here we go. Buckle up, friends, and strap in. Here we go.

Yeah. And quite honestly, we don't want to be for everyone. We want to be for the people who are serious and dedicated to their audience and their audience impact. Because I believe every time we take the stage or sit behind a camera, we. We have an amazing privilege. We have an awesome responsibility. So I've just been reviewing a lot of presentations lately. We've been coaching people on our stagetime membership Wednesday calls, and I just keep seeing this over and over again. And it's the fact that people ask questions and they don't give the audience enough time to fully answer their question in their head. So they may pause, but they don't pause long enough for that question. Because depending on the question you ask, it could be a simple question like, have you ever been to Vegas? Okay, well, if you and I were having a conversation, you're either going to say, yes, no, or I was too drunk to remember. Sorry. It's a simple question, but if I ask you about a favorite childhood memory on a birthday, you need to take some time and reflect on that to really go back and answer that in your mind. Because that's where for you and your listener, that's where the connection happens that you ask a question. I go to a memory in my life and that question is, okay, I grab onto that moment and now I bring that moment to your presentation. What's cool as a presenter is we didn't create that moment. We're just asking our audience to access that moment, to see the relevance in their life now of what we're talking about, of our expertise, of our topic. So, Mark, I think sometimes we pause because we want to, but we must pause to allow the audience to fully digest, to fully ask the question or Answer the question in their mind and let them reflect on it for just a moment. You and I see this over and over and over again, and I just thought, this needs to be a podcast in and of itself.

Well, I'm glad you brought this up, Darren, because we don't want people to think we're discussing a pause for the sake of pausing so you can breathe or you can move across stage. What we're asking you to do is think about your audience, and I must share a brief anecdote. Darren, you won't even remember this, but you and I were both at an event some time ago where we heard other speakers who are venturing into the professional world. And what I observed on a couple of occasions, a couple was a speaker who was so well prepared and so well rehearsed, they knew exactly what they had to say and they had timed out how they were going to say it. They had built in a pause here, a reflective look here, emotion toward the audience there. And everything was, shall we say, choreographed. And I could tell it was. They would worked really hard, planned, prepared, practiced, and they were now going to present it. However, what was missing for me was the connection to me as an audience member, because the pauses that were inserted were. Were perfect for them as a speaker, for their rhythm and for their movement. But it didn't give me time to reflect on what they were saying. And all too often, I find when I hear, it doesn't matter who the presenter is or what the topic is. Invariably I will hear a reference, a statement, or even a question that triggers a memory from my own life, from my childhood, from my youth, from my early parenting, or from being newly married a gazillion years ago. But there is a memory that is triggered by the statement, by the question. So here it is. One tip for you to not appear selfish to the audience is to look at them. When I say look at them, I mean see them. It is difficult in a hybrid or virtual environment to get a good picture of what the audience is feeling. But every opportunity you get, when you're alive, look at the audience. Darren often talks about the head nod, the ooh, the heads go down to write something down. They're telling you this is important to them. And there are times you and I will deliberately insert language, a question or a statement that we want the audience to get. It's a moment in our presentation. The question becomes, do we give them time to experience the moment, or are we selfishly continuing with our presentation because we have got to get through the material we Prepared it, we researched it, we rehearsed it, therefore we have to deliver it. Or is there a time when an extra two or three second pause. I will put the brakes on my agenda, so to speak, and respond to what the audience is showing me, what they're saying to me, what they need to absorb. This I was guilty of many a time. But I have learned, friends, to be less selfish, because when I say I don't mean to be mean, but in a sense, I did the work, I did the research, I rehearsed, I planned, I wrote the speech. I deserve the chance to give them everything I have. But is the focus really on them? And I had to really check myself and say, wait, it's for the audience. And there have been times, don't tell anybody this, Darren, or friends. I have not completed my planned presentation because I saw where something I said was impactful and I needed to let it sit with the audience. Last thought on this point here, Darren, is this. I learned so much about this when I spoke. When I speak to middle and high school audiences, those audiences respond to you in a different way. And I could see in the minds and lives of these kids. I could see at times by their. By their sweaty eyeballs. I had touched a cord. I couldn't just soldier on with what I had planned to do. I had to let them give them a chance to absorb it, to respond to it, and to be emotionally invested in it. So I plead with you, listen to your audience, look at them and respond to what they're telling you, because they are the reason you are on that platform.

A new foundational phrase, Mark. Without reflection, there is no connection.

Oh, I'm going to write that one down.

Without reflection, there is no connection. We got to remember it's for them. So what we're also saying is like, look, you can pause for affect, but we're saying pause to allow them to reflect.

Right.

And I learned from my other coach, David McElhaney, that he called it. Okay, Darren, right there, you need a three heartbeat pause. He didn't say second because second is logical. Heartbeat is feeling emotional.

Yeah.

When you pause in front of 20 people, the pause is going to be a certain length. When you pause in front of 200 people, the pause should be different because it's almost like this wave of reflection needs to go out and come back to you. When you're in front of 2,000 people, it's going to be even a different pause because it has to hit that back row and you'll feel it when you're connected, you'll feel it, you'll know just how long it needs to be. But we need to know logically in our head. Okay, when I say a statement and it gets a big reaction, or I know they need to answer this in their head and it's much more than a yes or no question. I've got to give them space. It's my responsibility to give them space. Otherwise I am selfish. And Mark, you know, one of the things that we tease is the Ed Tate scan. And that's because to give yourself something to do because it can feel uncomfortable pausing for too long. But if you know there's one or two or maybe even three places that really need that extra long pause, what can you do? Well, we suggest you look at somebody over on the left side for a moment. Then you move to someone in the middle for a moment and then you make eye contact with somebody on the other side for a moment. This gives the speaker something to do. But you're connecting. You're not machine gunning, da, da, da, da, da da. Just scanning. You're actually for a moment connecting with one person on one side, one person in the middle and one person on the left side. And what I recommend too is if they're nodding. Yeah, you get it. Don't go into more content yet, but you can. Yeah, you get it. And even point to that person. Or like you get it. You understand somebody nodding or somebody shaking their head, depending on your question. Acknowledge. And then other people like, oh, what did they get that I didn't get? Now you're bringing the whole audience in to make sure they saw the importance of that moment.

Yeah. And acknowledging the physical reaction, the head nod, maybe a smile. Yeah. That also shows the audience, hey, I have time for you. I have time for your response. I'm not rushing to get through my content. No, please do not get me wrong. We're not bashing anyone who does this. We have seen many inexperienced presenters and emerging presenters who don't realize that it isn't all about getting all our content into their hands. Very often we see presenters doing a keynote 25 minutes, but right now it's about 32. It's too long to cut it down because we want to give the audience so much. There's nothing wrong with that. But I will say this, you cannot give the audience everything you know in a 20, 30 or 45 minute keynote. It's not going to happen. Give them what they need in the moment and make sure they understand you are there for them. And the Nod. The smile. The acknowledgment is powerful. The audience says yes. The speaker is not just speaking at me, they're speaking to me. They're speaking with me and they're connecting with me. That is a sign of the unselfish presenter who was giving the audience not just their content, but the chance to make a connection. You combine your content with a connection and then you will become unforgettable.

Amen. Amen. We've got to cut points, cut words, but not cut pauses. And that's why for people who are Toastmasters, we see people writing an eight minute speech and trying to squeeze it into seven. Yeah, well, now you have no time to pause because you got to get all your words in. You got to get all your words in. You got to get all your words in. Well, it's not about getting the words in. It's not about saying. It's about them hearing what you say. Just, I just, I want to grab people by their collar and say, it's a Boston term. One thing you need to do to make your presentation better. Shut up. Shut up.

Well, yeah, I guess, you know, in some. Aaron, to be fair, I think there are times individuals have this concept of, I have to give a presentation, therefore I should be speaking at all times. It's this. You did some media, you know, acting and so on. Maybe didn't do radio, but I was told that in radio, one of the biggest sins is to leave dead air. When you're on the air, something has to be happening at all times. There has to be some sound over the airwaves when it's going into someone's ears. But as presenters, there are times silence has value. Sometimes the best words aren't words. Sometimes it's best for the audience to receive, to process and respond. So here's an exercise for you. The next time you do a presentation, maybe in your community, maybe at a Toastmasters Club, look at the audience doing your presentation. Do you see them responding? Is someone poking their neighbor? Are they laughing together? Those are cues and clues to the impact you can have if you just hold off for a second longer and allow them to absorb. And sometimes they'll communicate with their neighbor, vision with their eyes only. Or they'll say, oh, that was good. I want to write that down. Let the audience show you what works. Here's the added benefit. The next time you present your presentation and you go back to last week's episode, think three features ahead. The next delivery, you deliver it with this knowledge, with this understanding, with the realization that your audience told you something was important, that maybe you didn't at the time, but now next time I can use what they told me and I won't speak in that moment. You test out again. If two, three audiences are all doing the same thing, they're telling you, as Darren says, shut up, don't be selfish. Let them enjoy the experience, let them get the message, and more importantly, allow them the opportunity to connect with you on a personal level. And therefore they'll absorb what you say and be more willing to respond to your call to action.

One of my favorite sayings in coaching and teaching presentation skills at the highest level is the most important part of a presentation is the thought process in the audience's mind is not what you say. It's how they hear and reflect on what you say. It's not your slides, it's what they think about your slides. It's not your opening, it's what they think about your opening. So we must let them think. Even though it's a monologue, we're actually having a dialogue with the little voice in their head. So, Mark, let's roleplay just for a moment. So let's say I'm the presenter and Mark is in my audience. And I'm going to ask Mark, though, to think out loud so you can hear his thoughts. And hopefully this will make this idea unforgettable for you so you can be more unforgettable for your audience. So I'm on stage, I'm doing a presentation. Mark is sitting in the audience. But we're going to let you hear his. His thoughts. This is what we see all the time. Get this. It's happening whether you're aware of it or not. Let's go. So, Mark. Okay, let me. Let me not say Mark. Friends, have you ever been to Vegas?

Well, yeah.

Well, there's a thought that can happen there. There's a happening that is there. There's an ambiance to Las Vegas. But let me take you back first to your childhood. Can you remember one of your favorite birthdays?

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's great. But let me tell you about my birthday. It was on Jade Hill Road in Auburn, Massachusetts, where I used to live. It was actually 1972. And I remember the gifts as they were brought in and the candles on the cake. Mark, do you remember the candles on the cake and what you wanted to do?

Oh, yeah, I was eight years old.

Okay, Mark. But it's about me, Mark.

Oh.

I think you get the point that we're, as we call it when we're coaching people, we're stepping on the audience's thoughts. We just open their mind to get them to connect with us. Well, if you start doing this quickly or rapidly, you're going to annoy them and they're going to stop even trying to answer your questions because you're not letting them think. And we see this again and again. So it's a simple concept. It's not as simple to apply, but when you do, it's gold.

And sometimes, Darren, I gotta say this, that pause for a presenter can be a little uncomfortable because we have that space. I need to say something here and I will tell you, I got caught doing this years ago. I was coaching someone and I asked a client a question and they cannot answer, but they were writing something down and I was rushing into my next thought. I said wait, wait, I'm not ready yet. And I realized I was guilty of the same thing. In a one on one situation, imagine you have an audience of 500 and 500 people have thoughts they want to enjoy or reflect upon or recall and you or I as a presenter deny them the opportunity. That can be really selfish, even though that's not our intention. Therefore, I will ask, are you willing to endure the slight discomfort of giving your audience a three heartbeat pause when you're accustomed to giving them only one Watch, observe and receive what they're telling you by their body language, by their reactions, by the looks on their faces. And sometimes apply the Ed Tate scan. Look left, look central, look right. You're doing something to give yourself a reason to not speak. You're still interacting, but the audience needs that time to really receive, absorb, reflect, connect and respond to your words of wisdom.

And think about this even in a one on one conversation. Have you ever met that person, that brand new meeting them and they're asking you questions but not letting you answer. So Mark, another quick role play, but we're just gonna do this rapid fire. So let's just say I walk in, there's Mark Brown having coffee and somebody is introducing us. We meet for the first time. Hey, Mark Brown. I've heard a lot about you. You're amazing. Look at you wearing pink. You look great in pink. Is that your favorite color? Well, my favorite color is blue. I always wear blue because it reflects my eyes and my man. And people tell me you watch that Disney movie with your kids. What was the movie? It was Beauty and the Beast. Do you have any other favorite movies you watch with your kids?

Oh yeah. Well, they used to like to watch Pocahontas.

My nephews love to watch Lion King. Okay, how long would it be before Mark in Mark is plight. But in his mind I'm gonna go now. Rolls his eyes and be like, wow, this person's a jerk. Because they're not allowing the answers. And that's what we mean by a presenter on stage that doesn't allow the reflection is not understanding fully the impact they can have, the questions they do ask and the importance of reflection. That's why I'd say it might be a little uncomfortable for you until you get used to it. Once you get used to it, you're going to feel the love from your audience. You're going to feel them getting it and you, you'll build your pause muscle.

Yes, I know, we know the question sounds a bit harsh, but we're going to ask you, implore you and invite you to look at every presentation differently. Give the gift to the audience that they deserve and please do not be a selfish presenter.

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