Ep. 197 Are You A Lamplighter?

Hey there, Mark Brown. Are you a lamplighter?

That's a good question, right?

Yeah. There are speakers and there are presenters and there are lamplighters. I remember hearing the story of the poem by Robert Louis Stevenson and Cavett Robert, who is a world champion. Some people don't know that. And the founder of nsa, the National Speakers Association. It was one of his signature stories and one of his premises, from what I'm told. But I love the visual behind it and we'll let you know what that is after this.

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're about to find out. Welcome to the Unforgettable Presentations podcasts with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches. This is Mark Brown.

Mark Brown, your life tells a story and there's someone out there who needs to hear it.

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation, Ahas? Let's dive right in.

All right, Mark, before we dive in, I do gotta give a quick shout out to my new friends. Jo, Janice, who listens to our podcast from Italy. He was the emcee for our event in Milan, Italy last week. And also brand new Stage Time members from Italy. Alan, who I saw as the target speaker, did an amazing job. Oh, he's so charming, Mark, and he's got this beautiful Irish. And Andy, who took great care of me over dinner when I'm trying to read the menu and order.

So just say pizza or pasta, man. Come on.

Yeah, well, it's not quite simple. I wish it was. There was. The whole restaurant was pizza or pasta. Like there were just many choices. And also Katia, who joined us from Italy, as well as new members of Stage Time. So quick shout out. Thank you guys and gal for taking great care of me and making me feel welcome in Milan. So now they're diving in. They're all going to be on our calls. And I know Andy loved our call last week, getting some insights from the coaches. But back to our regularly scheduled program. Mark the Lamplight. I don't know if you've read the poem recently or not, but I had heard the story and I'm going to tell you my interpretation. So it may not be exactly what Cabot Roberts said, but I just love the analogy. And he uses the. I think it's Robert Louis Stevenson and uses the image of London back in the day where they used to literally have a person who was a lamp lighter who would walk down the street and light the gas Lamps, the street lights, for those of you younger viewers, it wasn't all electricity back in the day. I always remember this line and I don't even know if the line's in there, but this is how I remember it. The person who is going down the street and lighting the lamp, you don't know where they're going, but you can see where they've been because now the lamp has been lit, so you don't know where they're going, but you can see where they've been because their impact has lit the way literally and figuratively for others. And I just love the beauty of that image. I love the beauty of the idea. And sometimes if we're trying to be presenters, if we forget why we're there, our job is to plant seeds that will germinate. It's not even what happens in the moment in your presentation. It's the seed that you plant in the moment that then germinates and gives people a new perspective that they can utilize next week, next month, next year when they come to that point of decision. So the analogy I love to use or the example I love to use is when my classic Stage time, stage time, stage time. I tell the story of Vinnie, my comedy mentor, who said, any day that you don't get on ST is a day that you don't grow. And he said to me, got right in my face and he said, I'm going to offer you stage time, but if you ever refuse, I will never help you again. And so when I plant that seed, I've had many people, including Mike Davis, our own Mike Davis, stage time, world class speaking coach who said that when he got that opportunity, think about this. You're sitting at, say for those of you who are at Toastmasters, you're sitting at your Toastmasters club next week. They're looking for a speaker. Well, I don't know if I have time to prepare. And then you hear the voice of my mentor that says, any day you turn down stage time is a day that you don't grow. And if you ever turn down stage time, I'll never help you again. So now with that thought, with that new perspective, when before you might have said, ooh, I don't have time, I can't prepare. You chose the left fork, but now the fork in the road comes and because of that new perspective, you take the right fork. Mark, it was so cool when just got back from Italy, hearing some people over there that I didn't even realize. Listen to our podcast. I didn't realize A couple of people were members of stagetime because I had never met them before or there's other people who came up to me and said that they saw me six years ago when I spoke in Milan and someone else when I spoke in another city. I got a LinkedIn connection today from somebody who I spoke to or heard me speak in Leeds over, over in the uk and he reached out and. But it's because of that impact that we make and the difference that we make and the seeds that we plant and then the light goes on. And Mark, you had a recent experience going back to a school and you told me a story which gave me the idea for this podcast. Mark?

Well, yeah, I went to speak at a school in New Jersey several weeks ago and you know, they had invited me back. When they say back, I probably had been there 10, 11 years ago. I am not exactly accurate how many years it was, but I went back and they asked for the same program. I delivered two assemblies. And while I was there, the principal said, I need to show you something in my office. The assistant principal. We walked in and on his wall were three different posters containing the words I had used in my assembly 10 years earlier. Wow, I guess that lab had been lit for 10 years. I didn't even know that. So I said, listen, I told him, I don't want to just come speak and leave. Will it be okay to travel around the school and stop in a few classrooms and talk to some other kids? Said, sure, let's do that. We got to one particular, I think it was a seventh grade classroom. And we interrupted the teacher when she saw us, she beamed and she said, oh, mister, I'm so glad you're here. Can I give you a hug? Which was cool until I understood the context. She said, look at this. And she turned me around to the back to the door of her classroom. Now, when you're walking in, you see a fish foot to the door when you close the door. On the door was a printout of Mother Teresa's words I'd left with them during my first visit. And you could tell that it had been on that wall for years. It had not been laminated, but you could see the creases where kids had touched it. And it was a bit torn in one section. But she kept it on the door of her classroom for nigh a decade. And I had no idea then her hug had context. She kept it for every single class that came through her door for a decade. So the kids probably, you know, 13, 23 years old out College, maybe out of college, who had gone through that classroom, had seen those words as a memory of a message I had shared so many years ago. So, Darren, just the invitation to return was an indication the lamp was well lit. But then to go back and define they had kept memorabilia from my being there earlier was, whoa. And the lesson for me, and I hope everyone who hears us understands you and I have absolutely no idea the impact of the lamp that we light when it keeps, when the flame stays alive. We have no idea how deeply we can impact the people in our audience. And there are times, Darren, you've said this. There's no such thing as a practice speech because you may get two or three people in the room, but you find out later what you said in that moment was so impactful and so long lasting, you literally transform people's lives and experiences. And that didn't really hit me until that day in that school when I saw not only the assistant principal, but one of his teachers had retained my words for a decade. Wow.

And what we're also saying here is, look, we hear all the time, I want to be the 2020, blah, blah, blah, blah, world champion of public speaking. Well, good for you. Shingles doesn't care, and we get it. But I would rather you choose to be a lamplighter. I would rather you choose to be world class and plant seeds that are indelible on the heart of your audience. That's bigger and more stages. And Mark, this one, I don't know if you've heard any of these. This came up for me a couple times these past couple weeks where people are like, well, when do you think I should start working on my speech for next year? Someone who is into the contest, which is cool, but be into your own growth and the audience being lit, not lighting your own lamp. We're not talking about lighting your own lamp. We're talking about lighting the lamp in your audience's mind. And what I want to tell them when they say, when should I start? Like, January or maybe December. Ooh, December. Freaking. No. When would Tom Brady start working on next year? Tomorrow, Today? Because I think, Mark, some people have the misconception that it's like, ooh, if I just come up with the idea for the right speech or the right story. And I'm saying, okay. However, how about you become world class as a presenter, which starts now, and work on your skills and your storytelling so that you can light the lamp in your audience's mind and heart that way next year when you do choose to work on a story, or better yet, you work on several stories to find that one that really resonates, which is only going to happen by experience and then gauging the reaction from people, then, you know, okay, this one works. Let me make it even better. Take, as Dave Fitzgerald said, take the stories you already have and make them so good, someone will pay to hear them. So you may have to test many stories. Well, that starts now. That starts today. It's not just, I want to do good at next year's contest season. You gotta think deeper.

And I just mentioned thinking deeper, Darren. We've sort of said this many, many times. In particular for those of our listeners who are in Toastmasters and who aspire to be a contest champion, which is a wonderful ambition to have. But think of the value of your message beyond the trophy being the goal. How can you be memorable? How can you be unforgettable? You know, Darren, I remember, I believe it was 2009. We had a woman win the World Championship for the first time in a long time. Lashonda Rundles. The late lashonda Rundles, who was an absolute gem.

Amen.

And in her speech entitled Speak, which was featured in the movie Speak, by the way, she says, he reminds us of some words that she wrote. She said, we're not half afraid of dying as we are, that no one will remember we were ever here. I'll say that again.

Wow.

We're not half afraid of dying as we are, that no one will remember we were ever here. When you were a lamplighter, you will be remembered and repeated. We think of the quotes of the great men, you know, Samuel Clemens, Mark Twain, and all these great speakers and these politicians and these individuals. Why shouldn't your words be remembered? Why shouldn't your idea, your thought, your inspiration light someone's land a path onto their kids? I believe great teachers are lamplighters, and I believe good speakers as well. You know, I mean, if you're a teacher and you're hearing this, you probably have with experience. You probably had students come into your classroom 10 years later and say, you taught me when I was in seventh grade and my kid goes, here now. Your first thought might be, oh, man, I'm getting old. But your second thought would be, wow, they came back to my classroom after all these years. They remember me and they thank me as a presenter. It should be the same. And I love what lashonda says, that no one will remember we were ever here. I pray that everyone hearing our words, our voices today will be lamplighters to be remembered not so much because you were a great person, you were funny, but because you said something, something of value that had an impact on someone's life and then they were then able to pass it on to someone else. Leaving a bit of a legacy as a lamplighter.

Yeah. And I think I want to include trainers in this because when you're a trainer, we will talk about this a little bit more next week, training versus speaking with Ed Tate. But when you're a trainer, you have more opportunity to go deeper because you're spending a half day, a full day, a couple days, three days if you come to one of our workshops. But they leave differently. So you have more opportunity to plant more seeds, more deeply than just a speaker. But whatever your opportunity is, whether it's speaking or training, one of the things I recommend, and I do myself, Mark, is I have in my email, I have a testimonial mailbox that if somebody likes something or tells me how helpful it was, it goes in there, it goes in there, it goes in there. Then on a bad day or if I need a little inspiration myself, I can go back to see the lamps that had been lit in the hearts and the minds of my audience. Because you're only going to hear about 1/10 or who knows what the number is, 1/100th of the people who you really have impacted. So multiply it whenever you get one that there's nine more people who didn't say anything, but you equally impact them or maybe even more. Just know that if your intention is right, if you set your intention right and you're truly open to the connection in the moment, you will help people. You absolutely will. As long as you're trying to write the lamp, light the lamp for them to guide them on their way. If you choose to be a speaker, we're saying don't choose to be a great speaker, choose to be a lamp lighter, whatever that looks like to you. Mark?

Yeah. I like when you said to light the lamp for them, to guide them on their way. And there are two thoughts come to mind about that. When we show people the way by our words, by our stories, by our experiences, by sharing our mistakes, you know, our slip ups. When we show them away, we make their path brighter and lighter. We've often said, I think it was Craig Valentine says let, let, let your long road be their shortcut. By sharing your experiences, even the mistakes that you make, you are lighting the way. Hey, the bridges out, don't go that way, go this way. So you, when you, your light should Be to really light. Light their way to make their path easier and brighter. And secondly, I picture the lamplighter going down a street at night lighting the gas lamps, and the light comes up and people can see it as they walk their way home. But if you look behind you, you will see a string of lights, which is a path for those who are yet coming in this direction. And that string of lights behind is not just for one location, one event, one experience. It lights the entire journey. This may seem heavy or a bit of a stretch to some people, but if a long life's journey, we continually light lamps, we will create a path that people can follow, a path built on our experience, a path built on the value we bring, a path built on the worth your life represents when you stand on that platform. Every single time, Darren, you talked about going to China. And when you went back a second time and Theresa told you, oh, I heard you. I wasn't even the toastmaster. I heard you. And you talked about this, and you did this. The memory she had from years ago. And the thing is, Darren, I would ask you, I would invite you to tell that story again with the context that she was not even a toastmaster at the time and where your light helped, what path your light helped lead her on.

Thank you, Mark. Yeah, it was actually Taiwan.

Taiwan.

Sorry. That's okay. It's all good. So it was in Taiwan, and I was on a high school speed train going from one city to another. And Therese, who was the district director at the time, told me a story while we were sitting on the train. And she said, darren, last time you were here six years ago, I was not a toastmaster. And I sat in your audience and you told the story of your first time on stage and how scared you were. And she took her hand and started shaking her hand in the air, which is how I tell that story. Story. And so she. She. I was like, what, you remember it? Like, I didn't know that I had met her six years ago. This was all new insight for me. And she said, yes, I was not a toastmaster, but your story helped me join Toastmasters. And then when I joined Toastmasters, I went up all the rungs of leadership, and now I'm the district director, which for those of you who are not Toastmaster, means. Means you're the leader of the whole district, which is a large portion of Taiwan in this situation, for all the thousands of toastmasters there now, if we track back, it actually came from, that story was my district competition speech was about my first Time on stage at Stitches as a comedian. If we track back before that, it was Dave Fitzgerald telling me, my comedy mentor, saying, darren, stop trying to find that story that will launch your career and instead take the stories you already have and make them so good someone will pay to hear them. And that was a new perspective for me because I just thought you found a story, you tweaked it a little. He was saying, no, no, you find the story now you hold it up against a proven structure that is time tested and see what's missing and what you need to enhance and what you need do to. To take out because it's a distraction. So he was teaching me to go deeper on my own stories. So I just. I'm not saying I'm a hero. I just took his advice and it worked. I joined the contest to work on that story. But the cool part is, and those of you who are toastmasters who do like to compete, work on the stories you want to tell in your keynote speeches. That will make the whole keynote stronger when that story is stronger, and that will help you light more lamps for your audience. So I just took his advice, applied it, and had no idea about the lamp lighting I was doing at the time. So we encourage you, take the storage you have, go deeper so you can light more lamps.

That is. I mean, we don't want to beat the concept to death, Darren, but it's funny, I do.

I would like to beat it to death.

If you're wondering what are you talking about. You mentioned the idea of the lamp being lit and the history we have and what we leave behind. And I don't know today is recording this on a Wednesday. And about a week ago, I got a request to come and speak at an event and I have had a previous engagement and I looked at the person's email, I said, I'm so sorry, I can't make it. Perhaps I can refer someone else to you. And they were happy to receive that. But along the way they also sent me a note in email and they said, thank you for your quick reply. She says, I thought of you originally because I remember that you would come to our event. And it says it was the first virtual training that you, Darren and Ed did back in 2020. But I still remember your lesson. What amazed you, what amused you and what moved you three years ago and that one little bit. And I told her, I'm sorry, I can't do it. And she responded to my rejection. Thanks, Mark, for your quick reply. I must tell you, you came to mind Because I recently referred your message to my club. No, I reiterated your message to my mark, my club. Quote, mark Brown asked, what? Amazed, amused and moved you? And I realized right away it was sticky again. It's three years ago. I do not say this to brag. This email came to me last week and the individual is telling me that the memory of what I said three years ago was what helped them one to reiterate that message to other people around them. There's the influence going wider. And also it was what caused her to instantly think, I've got to ask him to come and talk to our people. Please understand, we're not saying this as brag to brag. We're saying you can have similar impact where your words, your stories, your insight, your honest vulnerability and your authenticity will lead other people to want to share. You got to hear what you got to hear this guy here's Lady. You've got to hear the speaker. They are. And they really got to my heart. We want that for all of you. Whether it's a business talk, whether it's a sermon, it could be a talk to young people in the community. It doesn't matter. When your impact is powerful, they'll want to reiterate the people in their constituency and they'll call you and say, you know what? You said this to me and Darren, if you and I were to stop and think about all the times we've been told in the last 25 years, oh, I remember when you came and you said this, you're thinking, I might have said that, but I don't know. Or maybe they'll send you a photograph. Darren, look at you and me. You were here in India back in 2015 and you don't remember the picture. And I had one individual send me a photograph recently of him and me together at an event. And I don't remember the photograph, but he had it. He sent it to me and is an individual who went on to compete in the Toastmasters World Championship and finish in the top three. I have no memory of that. And there probably are memories you have forgotten of the impact you have had. But when you are a lamp lighter, the light keeps shining behind you and it brightens the path of someone else who is coming down that path. Someone you probably haven't even met. Please be a lamplighter.

When you see these moments, when you hear of the moments that you've helped, that you lit a light for someone else, cherish them. That's why I want you to save them. If they're A text, email. But whatever you need to do or however you can do it, save them. Because in saving them, you remember what you're doing and why you're doing it. And again, hey, it's okay to want to be a great speaker, but you really need to have a higher intention of being an amazing lamp lighter. It just fills you up when you hear reports of your lamp lighting years later. And I believe if you set that intention, I believe it will happen because you care about your audience. You'll connect with them and you'll tell them what they need. Need. Even if sometimes, Mark, I tell stories and then I say some new foundational phrase I've never had. I'm like, where did that come from?

Inspiration.

But I believe it came from inspiration and combined with intention, that those words flow out because someone in that audience needed to hear it. So that's why I believe we need to be open as well.

Yeah. The lamplighter does not light the lamp for themselves. They light the lamp to make sure those who are yet coming along the path will see, will not come to harm, and they'll feel safe. This may sound a little cheesy, I understand that, but are you. I challenge you. I challenge myself. I challenge you to be that lamplighter by the life you live, by the words you say, by how you respond and treat people. You light a path for those who are coming behind. And the last bit of the metaphor for me is I mentioned looking back and seeing all the lights behind you, but imagine the individual who turns that street corner for the first time, and they're going down that path for the first time. They don't know where they are. There's no GPS back in the lamp lighting days. Okay. But they know I got to go down this street, and it's somewhere down here. The lamp light not only helps light the path they're on, but the lamp light also provides proof that they've gotten to their prescribed destination. And for some people in your audience, they're on a journey, on a path to a destination. And your life is your lamp and your light that leads them where they need to go.

Well said, Mark Brown. Yep. Well, hey, we don't want to belabor the point. Well, I do, but thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for caring about us, and again, thanks to my new friends Katya, Allen, Janice, and everyone else I met in Milan. If you're listening to this, thank you, and thank you for all the comments that came up, because that's one of the reasons we do what we do. But when you set your intention to be a lamplighter, you'll get more of that yourself. So don't just be a presenter, be an unforgettable lamp lighter. All right, See you.

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