Ep. 251 ARE YOU ASKING THE CRITICAL QUESTIONS?

Hey there, Mark Brown.

Hey, Darren Lacroix.

That was my question. Inflection.

Am I asking question inflection? I like that you're getting. You're gonna watch. Lyrical and poetic today. Darren, what's happening here or what?

Yes. Are you asking the critical questions, Mark? It just, I get so frustrated. I was at a Christian conference a couple weeks ago and just saw some great speakers and a couple of them, they're really good. And then they're. How many of you?

Oh, that one.

Oh, it's killing me. This isn't about me getting killed. This is about you and your audience.

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're about to find out. Welcome to the unforgettable presentations podcast with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches, Mark Brown. Mark Brown.

Your life tells a story and there's someone out there who needs to hear it.

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation, AHAs, let's dive right in.

Mark. I feel like our mission is to correct even world class presenters and I have a feeling my mission will never be done.

Mission impossible. Well, Darren, you have to understand you are really in my wheelhouse here because as you all know, I'm a self confessed word nerd. And the words we use, the language we use, the questions we ask can get different results. And I saw you holding your head just now. How many of you have ever been to Las Vegas? Why does that make you cringe so much, Darren?

Well.

Wow, sound effects too.

That's all I got to say. And it's a little scary because we have this opportunity to influence every time you and I take the stage, if you're listening to this every time you get up there. So you have this opportunity to influence. And then we ask the wrong questions in the wrong way. And then even more. Even when we ask the right questions, I see so many people not letting the audience answer in their head. That's the whole reason you asked the question, to create that connection. Well, they're not going to connect if you don't let them answer. But going back to the question part of it, how many of you? So if you've studied with us, you know this, but we're going deep on just this one idea. If you're not sure, ask yourself, how would I say it over coffee to one person? How would I say it over coffee to one person? And you would never sit down with one person and say how many of you exactly? We want the audience to. So we asked this question inspired by Craig Valentine. He kind of opened my eyes to this and now I can't unknow it. And that's. What's the literal answer to the question? Do you. Would you prefer the audience thinks, wow, what a great speaker, or would you prefer the audience thinks, wow, it felt like Mark Brown was speaking right to me. Well, naturally you're gonna want B. Well, if you want B, like he was speaking right to me, like your audience hears it as you were speaking right to them. If that is the goal. And I, I think you'd agree that that's a bigger, better goal than being the best speaker or. Yeah, you get the point.

Yeah.

If that's the case, you must use the language of a one on one conversation, just like we were having coffee. And how would you ask the question now? Because the literal answer to how many of you is six or a number.

Exactly. It's a number. Calm down, Mark. Calm down. Relax.

We are both equally frustrated. It's just. Yeah, I'm playing with the sound effects machine. And here he would say with that question that, oh, yeah, you got a beep.

For all props to Ford's sake, csp, CPA, hall of Famer and or business mentor. But it's true. When you ask a question, ask yourself, what kind of answer can I reasonably expect to get to a question? And once you use the word how phrase, how many, it demands a number. How many hours in a day? 24. How many days in a week? Last I checked, it was seven. How many of you instead address the audience conversationally? Yep.

And what I love, what we take for granted here in the United States and English speaking countries, is the word you is so versatile. You means you one person and you means you the whole audience, the collective.

Yeah.

So it's not awkward to say you. And yet it goes more deeply into the heart, the soul, the subconscious mind, and gets us to think. The reason we're up there is to deliver a transformational perspective, experience. But we have to make the audience think. Mark, I don't know if you remember this or not, but when I get even working on new stories, new material, I always ask for the feedback. What made you think and what inspired you? And those are two critical questions. Because if I'm not making them think about themselves, their situation, their challenge, their successes, I'm not connecting. So again, the number thing, you know, a number does not resonate, is not about me. It's in this audience of a hundred people, 32 of them think this. Okay, but how does that relate to me? Bring it back to me. This is of course about me listening to you.

When you said, what made you think, what inspired you, what resonated with you? That you Y O U in the context is critical because it is personal. How many of you asked for a number and how many of you is for the collective? But if you ask by show of hands, have you been. Have you experienced? Can you remember when you. In that context, the word you becomes intensely personal to the individual, not just for the collective. Again, how many of you broad audience, how many is wrong to begin with? But by show of hands, personal have. Can you remember when personal. You ask the question personally. And I'll just throw this in right here. Then you literally look at the audience and see what response you get. Because all too often, particularly with emerging speakers, we are concerned about going through our material. We got to get it done in a certain amount of time. We've rehearsed it and prepared it. We're ready. We ask the question and then we keep going. So I'll toss that in. We may want to expound a little on that later. But by saying by show of hands, have you that becomes personal to the individual. And that's the key. When you ask these you focused questions, it should be you personal as opposed to you collective. There may be a few exceptions, but generally you want it to be a person. You want a personal connection with the audience. By having you ask these, you focused questions.

And yeah, and you don't even have to say by show of hands, I think you could just physically raise your hand and we'll get it like you can. There's nothing wrong with it. It's how you frame that question that's gonna hit the audience's brain differently than a numbers. Now, there might be a reason you want the numbers. So this weekend, when I spoke to NSA Las Vegas, I said, raise your hand if you've been thinking about writing a book. So now we see a lot of hands go up so people realize they're not alone.

Exactly.

It's a real reason for using that. But my question is different because I'm asking you if you did not how many of you correct, it's you focused. We're emphasizing this, but it's so important. And I wish. I wish we could just heal everybody.

Boom, you're healed. Yeah, that'd be nice. Well, that might put us out of a job, though, Darren.

I gotta ask AI how we can do that. But that. That's true. It might put Us out of a job.

That being said though, I think also when we say asking a critical questions, I use the phrase a term you focused just now. You focused questions are helpful when you use you focused language. I'll say it again, you focused questions become helpful when you use you focused language. What do I mean by that? You may have heard Darren, our mentor, Fripp and I and others talk about the I versus you ratio. If much of our presentation talks about me, my experience, what I have gone through, what I am going through, what I am going to do, it can be difficult to then flip the switch and make it about the audience very quickly. But one technique I have found helpful is. Is I asked the audience using our magic word, imagine, Imagine you are. I'll tell my story, but say imagine. And you, Darren, you've done this very effectively. When you talk about you're going into the room for that speech contest finals and you see this group, you, you, you say imagine It's. I can't say it like you. Maybe you can help our audience out and just give us a piece of it so it can see how you use the you to tell your story, but the audience is immediately in the story. How do you do that?

Yeah, you could also use the phrase picture this. And if you have two different stories, you might do one. Imagine you might do one picture this. But in that situation, I say imagine you are about to give the biggest speech of your life. You've worked on it for six months, you've given it to everyone. The cat, the dog, your spouse hates your speech. But it's Saturday morning, it's 9:00am you walk into the meeting room and you look out and you see 2,000 chairs.

Whoa.

You can smell the coffee in the back of the room. You can feel the tension in the air. It was 9am and the trumpet was just about to sound when my dad walked up to me in that moment and said, darren, I can't find my seat. Not now. There's 2,000 seats, dad. Pick one. So it's my story, but I'm connecting with the audience. It's one of our principles, tap and transport. Tap into their world. Get them to picture the setting, get them to be on stage. I have another one where I'm in a photocopy room. You know, if you were in the photocopy room next to Dan and me, I have another one where we're with Clyde and Clyde is our guide in the Everglades. We're on a boat. Imagine you're taking a tour in the Everglades. You feel the warm sun on your shoulders, you smell the salt air. You see these amazing nature paintings right in front of you you've never seen before. And then boom. And then we go into the story.

And both times what you have done is you've given me a chance to put myself in that situation. And friends, when you, when you create that feeling, that atmosphere, that emotional connection with the audience, when you then ask a question, the you focused question using the word you, they are already in the situation, they're already in the scene, they're already in the experience. So it becomes more meaningful when you lead, as Darren does, and then you say and you see what you think is a giant anaconda. What are you thinking and what would you do? As opposed to how many of you would freak out when you see that? How many of you would freak out? It's a number and again, it's general. But how would you feel? What would you do? Would you be nervous? Now it becomes an individual question for me. And because Darren has already put me in the scene, I am feeling it, I am there. It becomes intensely and personally mine along with the 500 other people in the audience. But in that moment, it's intensely personal. And that is the emotional connection you want to create. When you use the you focused statements, the you focused setup, and the you focused questions, that then the audience goes from watching and listening to experiencing. And as I always say, don't just give a presentation, deliver an experience because that's what connects the audience to your content, to your story, to your message. And it's easier for them to respond to your content and act upon your wisdom if they feel connected. It really is a powerful connection tool which will transform the experience the audience has and the action they will take as a result of your words and instructions.

Yeah, if you're taking notes, write this down. Speaking is a dialogue, not a monologue. Speaking is a dialogue, not a monologue. Meaning we're having a conversation with that little voice in each individual's head in the audience. A personal one on one conversation with each audience member. And they're all. It's all going to be different conversations. Some may be more skeptical, some may be more eager, some may be more hopeful. It's okay, it's their little voice, but we have to let the little voice speak. That's why pausing. We say pause to reflect, not pause for effect or effect. I don't know what's difference. I grammatically am incorrect.

Verbal pause for effect. The effect is a noun. Affect can Also be a noun, but affect talks about how you. How it impacts the person. So, Darren, let's kind of drill down for a second on this piece about the pausing, because I've seen you, well, not recently pull your hair out because you've got none for the last several years. But I've seen you become somewhat perturbed when you have a client who asks a poignant question but does not give the audience time to receive and respond. So here we're talking about questions. It's not only asking the critical question, it's a critical time after the question is asked, where you give the audience time to hear the question, to respond in their own mind. And I said earlier, it's important after a question to look at your audience because your audience is telling you by their reaction if the question is valid, if it's meaningful to them. And it's. And it also helps you to gauge how you move forward, maybe the demeanor you use. But when the audience responds, it may not be verbal, but you have to look. Darren always says look for. Oh, I'm going to write that down. Oh, are they. Do they turn to their neighbor? Do they poke somebody? Do they look up? Do they seem pensive? Do they go. Do they nod? Yeah, yeah, I know what that's like. You look for the response across the room. And the more you do that, the more you will be able to gauge the impact of the questions that you ask. Just critical your thoughts. Darren.

I would encourage you to think about what would be the answer, right, if you answered your own question. And here's what you could do. Sit there with a counterclock timer. Any. Any way, any way you want to do it. Ask yourself the question and then answer it, but time yourself for how long it takes you to answer it. So if I'm asking you a simple yes or no question. Have you ever been to Vegas? Yes or no. That's. A quick short pause is required. Have you ever been inside the Luxor in Las Vegas? Again, yes or no? Short question. Do you remember your favorite childhood gift? That's gonna take a little longer, right? We've got to re. Well, you know. Oh, I remember getting that, you know, stuffed puppy animal. Oh, but wait a minute. You know what my favorite one was? A racetrack, the Johnny Lightning racetrack. So you almost got to give them that time. And it's awkward at first. Once you feel the connection with the audience, you. You'll feel how long they need based on what you're saying. Mark, reading the audience, are they looking at each other? Are they Elbowing each other. Are they nodding? We have the one heartbeat pause if it's a simple yes or no question and then a three or four heartbeat pause if they have to go more deeply into their memories and it is uncomfortable. But you could also, you could have a follow up little question that could be. I'm looking out to the audience. Can you remember your favorite childhood gift? Yep, that one you remembered. So now I'm not asking another question. I'm acknowledging someone in the audience based on the reaction. If they nod up and down. Now I could choose to ask them or not, depending on the context, but then I could look somewhere else in the audience. Yep, he's thinking, she's thinking, you remember. Nice. Yep. And then we do something with that answer in their heads. But that. Those are my thoughts, Mark.

Well, that last thought to me is brilliant because I've used that audience interaction, not necessarily with a direct question, But I remember 30 years ago when I was doing my first version of the Beauty and the Beast speech and I say, you know, we sat down to watch this really great movie and I paused Beauty and the Beast and I got a reaction. Oh, oh, you've seen it, right? And sometimes just a little interaction after a question. Can you recall the first time you tried to ride a bicycle and you fell off anybody? Oh yeah, I can see, right, it hurt, right? Ouch. Your knees got skinned.

Yeah.

And he kind of play with the answer. And here's the sort of part about that when you play with someone's answer, you do two things. One, you're showing you're interacting with an individual in the audience, but by doing that small little interchange, you're triggering a memory someone else in the audience has had. Which is more likely if the answer and the circumstance is fairly common. Falling off a bike the first time you try to ride it. It's a fairly common experience. I would not try that when you mentioned the first time you with a rocket ship, because likely nobody else going to ride a rocket ship. It's a factious example. But think in terms of while I'm addressing the individual, how will the collective respond to that? And there are certain safe ways to do that. Again, first time riding a bike, falling off, very common experience. If you're addressing presenters the first time you gave a speech and you were so nervous you couldn't keep your knees from knocking. Many people can relate to that. And so you think about the questions. Please don't take this idea lightly. When you ask the right questions in the right way and use a playful Interaction afterwards, you're building rapport with the individual. You're building more familiarity with the entire audience, and you're bringing them into the experience of the speech. They're not simply listening. They're leaning back, arms folding, hearing you talk, on and on and on and on. These are advanced techniques, but they are very, very effective when used well, you don't believe me? Try it next time. Don't overdo it, but just see how the audience reacts. And the key to this is, as Darren said earlier, is reading the audience after the question. Don't be focused. I got to get these three questions in. Ask the first one, give time to respond. Look at their facial expressions. Look at their reaction with their partner, their friend, their neighbor. They're telling you something. Wow, I'd forgotten about that. Yeah, that was something else. You read the audience and then you can. You can react to that. You're showing flexibility. Again, advanced technique, but you're also inviting the audience into the experience. And they will generally feel much more comfortable with you because now they know we share a common experience. And it all begins with your focus on the you.

Hmm. And Mark, you touched on something. I just want to hold up a mirror, spotlight it a little bit more. We've never talked about this before, but in your follow up, recognizing the emotions in the audience, it goes back to the quote from David Brooks. We all have different stories, but we share the same seven emotions. So if you acknowledge the emotion you see on someone's face, you're one out of seven. But depending on the question you ask, you're going to get relating. And here's the other little power to this. The people that were kind of daydreaming and maybe not fully connected. When you acknowledge one person is all in and fully connected, you're going to bring more people in that were kind of half listening because they're like, oh, I'm missing out. Like, wait, what? Oh, he's thinking about this. Oh, maybe. Oh, I remember my bike, you know, so, yeah, yeah. It's also get. Without bringing up more content, it's giving people a time to think more deeply about your question. So it's got like a double bonus there. And it's such a simple idea, but well executed, is powerful.

Yeah. And please understand, when we say critical questions, we're not giving you a list of questions to ask, but it's if you ask the right question in the right way, with the right focus, with the right pause, with the right reading of the audience and the right response to the audience reaction, it will be. You might be amazed at how quickly you realize, man, we are now connected. They're ready, they're primed, they're in the story, they're in the moment. They understand the circumstance and the story you tell becomes that much more meaningful to them. Ask the critical questions, focus on the audience. You give them time to respond to those critical questions and show that you are in sync with the audience by how you react to that, how you proceed after that. To create the audience experience, we're asking.

You to take inventory, go back and look at the questions you ask and is there a way to reframe it or rephrase it so it hits the audience more deeply? What's cool is it's not changing your content, but it is changing the way we absorb and connect to your content. So please take inventory on your questions and if you're not sure, oh, I ask them, right? Go listen to one of your recordings and just listen for the questions and ask yourself, is there a better way? I could ask that question and it will amp up and bring your content more deeply into the audience's heart, mind and soul. So, Mark, that's all I got. What's your final thoughts on this?

Questions are powerful tools. You focus questions are even more powerful tools. And the time you take to let the audience answer in their mind or answer with their response and the way you handle that response can literally change the audit experience. So ask critical questions and wait for the critical answers.

So thanks. Please pass this along to some of your presentation speaker friends. We would greatly appreciate that that's the best favor you could give to us. Pass it along. And next week it's a mystery because we don't even know what we're going to talk about. But join us. We'll see you then. Pass it along.

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