Ep. 59 How to Make Your Special Occasion Speeches Unforgettable

Hey there, Mark. This is different. We've never done anything like this before. And this is something that, let's just say it's kind of new to us as well. But since we both went through this, I thought it'd be a great insight to kind of walk people through the process of doing a one time personal presentation that you'll never do again. But it's for your friends, for your family, for a celebration. Mark, what do you think?

I think this episode is going to be really interesting, insightful, and a lot of fun. Let's do this, buddy.

Anyone can give a presentation. Few deliver unforgettable presentations. What's the difference? You're about to find out. Welcome to the unforgettable presentations podcast with your hosts, world champion speakers and coaches, Mark Brown.

Brown. Your life tells a story and there's someone out there who needs to hear it.

And Darren Lacroix. And Darren Lacroix.

Stage time. Stage time. Stage time.

Ready for some powerful presentation? AHAs. Let's dive right in.

All right, Mark, there's emotion behind this. One of the things we talk about is unforgettable. But. But what are you gonna do? What happens if you have to do that one time friends and family, whether it's a wedding celebration, maybe a best man speech, or who knows, some toast, but you're never gonna do this again. But it's important. Mark Brown, what are your thoughts?

Well, you know, most people don't find themselves doing a best man speech or maybe being a wedding officiant, but what's cool is you had chance to do it, my friend, and so have I. And, and to set this whole thing up, I'd love for you to kind of give us a little backstory on why this particular event became real to you. And in the process, let's share some ideas, some tools, some techniques so anybody else who finds themselves doing a one time personal presentation can really rock it. So what's the backstory, Darren?

Well, after my sister invited me to be the officiant for her wedding when she married her now husband, but this was just a couple days ago, so it's fresh on my mind and I just went through it. But when she first asked me, I was like, and I did a Scooby Doo. What? This is. Okay, this is not my subject. This is not what I do. But it's like, how do you say no to your sister? And so I couldn't, thank goodness. And it forced me to kind of walk through a process again. And Mark, I got to tell you, in the Moment I was kind of freaking out. I had a portfolio because I listened to you and I had my little portfolio. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I started shaking. And I had to like pull in the hold it to me so people couldn't see it shaking. Now, only the people close could really notice. But inside I was, oh my gosh, this is crazy. What do I do? I'm asking God for help. Like, give me peace, help me get through this. For her, not even for me. But I realized that a lot of people out there, they might be professional presenters, but what happens, what's different when you got to do this once, but it's not your lane, you know, it's not your area of expertise. You go back to being a beginner again.

Mark well, you know, honestly, I know what it's like because I myself have done not one, but two. The plan was to do one wedding for one of my daughters. Those young ladies who adopted my wife Andrea and me, they call her Mama Annie. I'm Papa Mark Almost a year ago, it was going to be a one shot deal. And like you, well, what do I do? What's my process? What do I find out? And I found myself looking online at a plethora of websites, looking at YouTube videos, trying to find what's the process. Some weddings were an hour long. And I know my daughter and her fiance didn't want a long wedding. They wanted short and tight and sweet. So the first step was I had to do the research. What? There's so many different kinds of weddings, so many different kinds of vows. And they wanted a Christian wedding, they want to keep it tight. They're going to have a very small bridal party. And I had no clue the dimension of what's involved in planning a wedding. So it was a process. And I'd like for us to kind of together walk our listeners and viewers through the process that we went through to create a ceremony that, and again, that served, in your case, your sister, in my case, my daughter. Because even as presenters, we're going to come to war. Simple truth, what we do is really designed to serve our audience. In this case, it's to serve someone you know and love, the person to whom you could not say, no, it's not my lane, I'm not going to do it because you're going to want to love and serve them. So we're going to talk through this process for you and kind of bring you also humorously through our own jitters, what we kind of went through and hopefully in Doing so you'll be ready, prepared. Whenever you get called upon to do a different or a special kind of talk, you're ready to go for it. What do you think, Darren?

Yeah. And so we're gonna walk you through. We kind of broke it down to five steps. And then we're gonna talk more specifically about a wedding ceremony. Cause Mark and I have this in common. We've just gone through this now, so that's a different structure. But whether you're giving a best man speech, a toast, something like that, the process is still the same for any of those. So just understand that, okay, it's not your lane. Here's the cool thing. It's friends or family. So you've got a lot of. However they kind of know you're a professional presenter. So the expectations went up. So you kind of get that grace and expectations. And so step one, Mark, I think you already nailed it. Which is step one is research. You gotta do some research because this is a different animal.

Yeah, I mean, for me, honestly, I can't tell you how many different websites I went to to find out exactly what's a good way to perform a wedding ceremony. Well, I learned there are so many, you go, ah, which one is which? And an individual site, they also have, well, here's a Christian wedding, here's a Protestant wedding, here's a Catholic wedding, here's a Jewish wedding, here's an ecumenical wedding, here's a secular wedding. And there's so many different types of wedding ceremonies out there. Got to go back to what's going to serve your audience. In this case, the person you love, who loves you, who wants your help with the wedding. So the first key for me though was to find out what does my daughter want for the wedding? And then work my way in from there. And I could narrow down my sources. And one also one other cool source were people I spoke to and also the world's most famous Advisor, somebody named YouTube. I don't know, what were your sources, Darren?

Yeah, I think having it be a friend or family, you gotta check with them. And then you also gotta think of the audience. What does the audience want? Because maybe that person wasn't considering them. Fortunately, my sister, when she asked me, and knowing the audience short was the kind they wanted short. So she said, knowing her, knowing me and my faith in what she wanted to, she was cool with the scripture and bringing God into it, because they both believe now if it was for somebody else, they might not want that. So first you gotta check with your event planner. The person hiring you or the person who will pay you in meals every time I come home to visit. That's important. So I live in Las Vegas, which is really cool because we're the wedding capital of the world. So I. Knowing you just did your daughter's wedding, I. I reached out to you. I reached out to my Pastor Vince. And then I have a few friends here who are officiants professionally. This is what they do. And fortunately, I know them well enough I could reach out to them. And I had even whole ceremonies emailed to me so I could read through them over and over. And so I reached out to as many people as I could that I knew and trusted, and I got insights from every one of them. That was the cool part. And, Mark, you even sent me a YouTube version of a ceremony that was similar to what I was probably gonna do. So I remember sitting there, watching it, hitting pause, taking some notes, watching a few more minutes, hitting pause. And I went through that three or four times, but I got down everything I wanted to say. And it also kind of laid out a structure for me. So different sources, different insights from each person.

Well, what I think is noteworthy here is this. As adept or as skillful as you and I are as presenters, it was important to understand that we had to do the research, write things down. I followed a script as well. I had my notes, I typed everything up. Exactly what's going to happen, what will serve my. Of course, the two. The bride and groom and those who will be there with them. I also want to clarify. I have actually done two weddings. The second wedding was just about a month and a half ago, and it was my birth daughter, my princess and dream. She wanted her daddy to do her wedding. That can be very emotional. And for her, I wanted to make sure it was exactly what she wanted. So, yes, the effort to make sure you research what the bride and groom want, what suits the audience you're with, shows that you're diligent and you are concerned about serving them well. It's easy to think, oh, gosh, I don't want to sound stupid. I want to get to work. Right. And can't focus on yourself. But to quote my friend Darren Lacroix, get over it. Be your best to serve the bride and groom in this case and those who have assembled to celebrate this joyous occasion and have fun with it. But you can't have fun unless you are prepared.

Yeah. I think back to when I started standup and the first night, I asked the comedian for advice, and he said, get the book. And so step one is, get that information. Get the book. Now, the book is not only one book, just like you're saying, Mark, it's asking the people, you know, who will give you some time and some insight from their experience. For example, my friend Maria. Maria is a professional officiant here in Vegas, and she gave me the idea of making it interactive. So meaning when I was doing the proclamation, pronouncement, when I was doing the pronoun, I just don't even know the words, the pronouncement, I had the audience say it with me, husband and wife. So now, for the first time, by the powers vested in me from the state of Massachusetts, I now pronounce them. Help me out here. And then did this, you know, did the Ed Tate asking the audience for call and response. And it was great. Now, Mark, I also kind of trained them early on because I took a. You'll appreciate this. I took a line from one of Vince's, from Scripture, when it says that iron sharpens iron. In proverbs, friends sharpens friends. And so I said, in this case, chef sharpens chef, because they're both foodies. They're both chefs. And so I said, and I think I speak for all of us when I say we, as your friends and family can appreciate that. Can I get an amen?

Oh, wow.

So doing that early on set the interactive tone. So what I've learned from speaking, I was able to apply, but I still needed the insights from people with experience. From our friend Cheryl Green, I got a line that was by a poet, but reading through different wedding ceremonies for knowing my sister, when I read it, I got choked up. So I said, ooh, that's going to be in there. It might not make the final version, but I was collecting it and kind of putting in the. Or filling in the pieces as I went through. So that was something I got from Cheryl. From you, I got the YouTube version of the ceremony that I kind of followed along with. And you also sent me a YouTube video of tips for people who've never been officiants before. And there was one that was gold. It said, you know, when you ask them to kiss, step away. They don't want the officiant in the photo of them kissing. I do not want to be in a photo of my sister kissing her new husband. And that was a big duh. But it reminded me, go to experience. And for those of you who are marketing in your expertise, see you give that information and help other people. And now they're going to come back to you for more. That's what's going to help build your business. And so, yeah, and from Vince, I got some great wording because I love him and the way he talks about the Bible. So I took that directly from him. And a quick note on that, too. You want to honor if there's a famous poet, even if you don't mention their name, you want to give credit. But when I took the wording from my friend, it wasn't plagiarism. And because A, I had permission, but B, then later on, we'll talk about this, then I had to make it my own words, but I started with his. So, number one, he was cool with it. Number two, I made it mine. But that part, unlike me, in the professional world, that would be plagiarism, but it's a little different. Mark your thoughts on that.

Yeah, because, you know, there's so many different versions and renditions and nuances to wedding ceremonies and the vows that writer will make. So there is grace for any officiant in that particular case to tweak the words, to jumble them around, and to get the essence out in the language that's appropriate for them, for the bride and groom and for the audience or for those who are getting married to be more open. But you know, it's important to understand this also. One small idea, one small tip can really be significantly helpful, not only in this instance, but in any instance. One small tip can really transform where you present in a speech, in a workshop, in a presentation, or in this case, a special ceremony. So I'm very happy that I was able to share that video with you about not being in the picture when they kiss. Well, I'm happy I found a YouTube video, but of course I found it after I did my wedding, so I hope I didn't know at time. Get out of the way. The point being, though, the point being, though, I was able to find all that information out and sometimes, even if it's after, you never know, you may get a second opportunity to do a program like this again. I plan to do one wedding for my daughter Ashley in 2019. Then my birth daughter, my Princess Andreen, asked me, to my surprise, to officiate hers. So you can learn something and use that knowledge to share with someone else. Or should you ever get a chance to do it again, you can do it a second time with new information, with greater knowledge and with greater efficiency.

Yeah, and I know one of the tips you told me just in talking to you, which again, I called Cheryl, I called Maria. Like, I talked to the people because in the conversation something obvious to them but never thought of. So the other thing that I got from you was get a portfolio. Get a nice portfolio, leather portfolio that has no logos on it, right? And then have that. That way you can have it right in front of you. Because especially in a situation like this one time presentation, you can read parts of it. But again, you want to read it so much that you don't have to literally watch word for word. You want to be able to look up and make eye contact as often as you can. But just getting that portfolio, I was like, oh, my gosh, that makes sense. And I looked through my closets to see if I had anything that I could use for this one time event, and I really didn'. So I ran out to Office Depot and got one and used it and continued to use it. So. And then I literally. Mark, I don't know how you did it. I have a spiral bound one. But what I did is I printed the pages and then I taped it. I taped each individual page and then I taped them back to back. So that way it's right there, it's not a flimsy page. And then numbered the pages.

I only had two pages myself and I used small paper clips like these clips, and I had them on each side and just. And each page was pinned and I only had two sheets. It was perfect for me. And of course, binders like this are really helpful in that scenario. So certainly. Yeah, yeah.

So, Mark, step one is doing the research. Reach out to people who might be able to help you. Look at YouTube, watch videos. If you're doing a best man speech, watch 50 Best Men speech. But then take the ideas, the thoughts that work for you, for your audience, and most importantly, the people you're personalizing it to or for. So step two would be the structure. Now, the structure for best man speech is going to be different from wedding ceremony, but each of them will have their own structure. But step two is figure out the structure for you or for this situation.

Again, I know we're kind of heavy on the wedding side, but I was also called upon to deliver my father's eulogy a couple of years ago when he passed away at 84 after a full life. And I had to follow a structure about talking about his life and our experience. I had to insert some humor and function. But a structure will help you to make sure it doesn't go off the rails. And it may sound kind of goofy, but when you are a Professional presenter. There are times you can want to do your own thing, but a structure for a best man speech and the eulogy and for a wedding are all different and you have to make sure it follows a certain flow. So everything is seamless and the experience is wonderful for those who are getting married and also for those who are attending in support of the individuals who are getting married. And structure and flow are principles that you and I have been teaching for a long time, Gareth, in all our presentations. And I find it helpful for me to know what was going to come first, what was going to come next and how do I want to segue. Talking about her, about him and why they're together, our relationship, how we got together, all the little details and nuances have to be set out in a way that everything flows for the point of them saying their vows, exchanging rings and eventually being pronounced husband and wife.

Yeah. So definitely lay out the structure for whatever type of presentation you need. And then you've got almost those benchmarks. Now step three is get it all down. Get the ideas, put it all into each little segment. So, oh, this is about marriage. This is part of the welcome. Oh, this would be a good place to put the line after they exchanged their rings or something like that. Find the right place. And I moved a couple things around, but you got to start with version one and then almost read it out loud and see how it flows and if it makes sense. And then, Mark, what's your thoughts on get it all down?

I certainly appreciate your saying get it all down because like you, I had to move some things around so it made more sense. And this particular principle, Darren, applies not only to a specialty presentation, but in our regular presentations. There are times we have worked so hard, we know what we want to say and we say, yeah, but when you put it on paper, not just look at it, but then say it out loud, you may realize, ah, that particular paragraph or sentence or line is better suited up here, I'll move that one down there. You put it down, you read it, you say it out loud and then, ah, now that makes more sense. But if you don't put it all down, you won't see where your flow and structure may need some tweaking. And you may also see when you put it all down, you also see what becomes, shall we say, superfluous, what you might not really need at time. But when you put it down, you write it down and you read it out loud to yourself, it becomes clear to you what is strong, what needs work or what Needs to be edited down the road as well.

What I thought was super helpful for me to customize it because something like this, whenever you can personalize it or customize it, I think really that's where part of our value comes in, finding the place. And again, if we have that structure, it would help us personalize it in the right area. Well, this is about marriage. This is just the welcoming people and letting them know a little bit of their story. One of the things that I got from Vince was a questionnaire that he sends out to the bride and groom to be to find out a little bit about them and mark some of the brilliant questions. He asks, what are your similarities? And list them. Now what are your differences? And list them. What was your first date like? What was getting to know each other like? So those questions, because people there, they're from one side or the other, so they might not know the whole story. So this is a mini version to just create a connection as to how they met, how they're like, how they're different. I think one of the lines about my sister was, donna's a planner, neat and organized. And let's just say Dave isn't because they're opposite. But then I didn't leave it down as like a dig. Then I said, he's spontaneous, last minute and driven by fun. So it's okay to poke a little bit, I think. And you've got to know your audience because not everyone is. But we want to make sure it's on the positive side and it's not taken inappropriately. So even some of my lines, I ran past some people just to make sure I wasn't overstepping the line. I wanted to bring levity because it's such a tension filled thing. But I also didn't want to be disrespectful. And sometimes from my comedy brain background, sometimes I can go over that line. So I was being super cautious. And my nephew, who's really funny, naturally he gave me some ideas as well to kind of punch it up a little bit. So I think that questionnaire was critical. So if you're doing a ceremony, if you're doing a roast of someone or a best man speech, definitely interview the person, but then interview the spouse or the spouse to be or someone else that's really close. What does the family think of this? Because they might have some other insights that are critical to just again, making it unforgettable.

Yeah, I agree. Because bear in mind, if someone is a minister or someone who has known the individuals Pretty well in the Christian circles. Those who are getting married normally have counseling with the pastor. So a pastor may have had time to get to know them. But you being the friend, the loved one, the brother in your case, dad in my case, I don't need to ask my daughter too many questions. My son in law maybe. But when you can have some insight into their lives and their differences, the fun and humorous time they spend together, those are details you can insert as part of the fun experience. So it's not all somber ceremony, it's a joyous occasion. And you can find out how you can use these little details and nuances. For example, my daughter Ashley, a daughter of our heart, and her now husband Zach. Zach loves hunting and Ashley does not. You know, and I made some comment about Zach every fall would go away hunting, trying to find the right, you know, trying to hunt for deer. And I did something goofy and silly about the idea that he doesn't have to go hunting for her to where they found her. People enjoyed that. You kind of find out what their likes are, their dislikes, their fun, their foibles, little things about them, and you share your experiences with them, the intimacy of the relationship. That way you give those in attendance an experience that gives them a little new perspective on the individuals getting married, but also adds to the enjoyment of the experience as well, while giving the united couples a chance to laugh at themselves a little bit. But again, enjoy the occasion in a really special way and finding out these details just add to the event, make it joyous, make it fun and make it truly enjoyable.

And as Mark, you always say in a regular presentation, even more so here, make it an experience. Don't give a speech, give an experience. So next step would be four, which is to tighten it and in my opinion, make it your own words, tighten it. So I brought this from this ceremony and this from this ceremony because I wanted to say it. But when I put them under that same structure and read through them, I realized they were redundant. But now I had the three things that I wanted to say and I realized, you know what, this one compared to those two says it best. So the other two go ooh. But I like this word here that can go into this. So you've got to own it and make it your own words. I took some great wording from my pastor because he just says it so good. He's a brilliant writer. But now I had to darrenize it. I had to kind of simplify the words, make them one syllable because I wouldn't say some of the words, Mark, you know, when we coach people, like Jock Elliot says, my words won't fit in your mouth. You've got to own it and reword it the way you would say it, you know, unless, of course, you're quoting one of the people you're talking about. And then, Mark, one of the things I did is I wanted to take things from this, from this, put them in the Word document. And then I had this little bonus category that I called my bonus bucket, that if I didn't know where it would go, it went in there. Because then once I got rid of going through those other speeches, because there was like 10 of them, I didn't want to look at them again. I wanted to put everything here and then make this better, better, better, better, better. And so I had that little bonus bucket that this might or might not work. And I ended up not using any more from it, but it helped me feel better that I wasn't going to keep going back to the other ones. This is one that might make it.

And you said earlier, you said it might not make the final version, but I put it there anyway. So part of the process is you get the research, you put it all down, but then you tighten it, you edit, you organize it, and then you personalize it. And you decided, I don't need all of that. I, too, again, having researched different kinds of ceremonies, saw different wording, and there are times you'll see redundancies. You say, well, you know what? I want that concept, but that doesn't sound like me. So you tweak the words, you change it. You say, you hold that over. Maybe I might need. No, I won't need that. But the personalized piece is important because you are the one who was delivering that toast or hosting the roast or doing the best man speech, or in our case, being the officiant. It's your personality, your style, your language, the way you deliver. And you've got to. What we always ask our clients and our students to think in regular conversation. Would that sound like something that you would really say? Because we don't want to come across as a pious official officiant, being all formal and having the ceremony. It's family, they love you. They ask you because they want you to bring your personality to the event. So personalize it and do those little tweaks so that it'll sound like you, it'll look like you, it'll be you, and you are the one they've asked to officiate in that particular instance.

Amen. And like you said, they want your voice. That's why you were asked. You want to bring ideas from other people, but again, make it your words. And Mark, step number five is to internalize the presentation. So even if you have the portfolio in front of you and you can read it, every time I read through it, I would tighten it up, I would make notes. So I'd use it first on my computer screen and I would read through it and be like, eh, that didn't sound like me. That can go. So I literally had seven versions. But even within the seven versions, there were probably two or three changes I would read it through again. So one thing I did was go through many versions, ended up printing 7.0, but then might have even taken a note or two in the last minute. But the other thing that I did, now this is just me because I'm not good at internalizing. I literally read it into my voice memo on my phone, right? And then when I was driving, you know, to my sister's house or to my mom's house, I would listen over and over again. When I went to bed at night, when I went to sleep at night, I fell asleep listening to that. One more time, one more time. Get it in me. Because I only had those last few days to really get it to where I wanted to. So I didn't want to remember the earlier version. So every time I recorded I think three versions, so I would listen to the latest version again. Just an idea. If it works for you, whatever works for you, but definitely read it over, Read it over standing up, you know, just as you will in the moment, and then listen to it again and again. If that works for you. Mark, how did you internalize it?

Well, I want to add a caveat here, Darren, because I know in some cases I'm not sure what everybody else goes through, but in some cases there is the rehearsal dinner that they have before the wedding and you meet with the two individuals and you've worked really hard on the ceremony, and then they say, well, that's too long. I don't want to say all these words. I'm too nervous. And you gotta make a last minute change. And that can happen, you know, my first wedding, the poor groom, he says, I don't want to say all those words. I'm already too nervous. And I shortened the language in the ring ceremony to accommodate him. So I'm not saying you shouldn't internalize, but be aware there may be an occasion where someone says, you know what, can we just do this? It's their prerogative. It's a laugh. You can't say no, I want to do it this way. Or else it's not your wedding. But if you internalize it, say it over to yourself. I actually visualize what it would be like standing there with them. He's going to be on my left, should be on my right. Or what the experience is going to be like. And when you visualize it and take yourself through it, reread it, visualize it, experience it before it even happens, I found that to be helpful. Having the binder with both pages open was helpful. Wasn't a crutch. It was helpful, but I knew where I was going. I knew what I was going to say and I knew why I was going to say it. I was not as intense as having it in my head going to sleep at night, but it worked for you. Or whatever helps you to internalize, use that system. Why? Because you want to be your best for those who have chosen you to help and serve them on a very, very special day.

And I will admit, I did use it for a crutch. It gave me confidence and I had to print it in the right size font so that I could read it. I used a light font the first time, which is a great reason to practice and rehearse because I realized I couldn't read. Looked great on my computer screen, but when I actually printed it out on paper, it was too light. So that forced me to make some changes. But I did have it as a crutch, but I tried to internalize it so I would be able to be more comfortable with it. And what I did is every two or three sentences I had a line. So it's not in perfect grammar format. It's in almost phrases and thoughts. And that way it would be easier for me to look up after I finished that and then catch my place again. So that was really helpful to me since I don't have a Mark Brown photographic memory, which in this situation would be really helpful.

Now, I want to point this out. I know we say, yes, kind of a crutch, but understand this, that we as presenters will go to events around the world. And we have what we call a confidence monitor in front of us. We don't call it a crutch. We say it's a confidence monitor. And we have a confidence knowing if we need it, we can see what those lines are, those bullets and those ideas are. So don't be ashamed, afraid or scared to use whatever tool can help you to be effective. Because, yes, you're going to go with the flow, you know what you're going to say. But having a cool binder, having some notes inside, having yellow highlights in some spots was helpful to me. And here are my paper clips on top to hold it together. And this was a couple of months ago. But having these. Having the tool there and using the highlighter may be a crutch, but I consider it a tool to give us confidence and to help us. That way. You don't just memorize the whole thing, you don't just wing the whole thing, but you're serving well, having prepared yourself and delivering well for the people who love you and have called upon you to make their day very special.

Yeah. And the more you internalize it, the more you can be present, even if you're going to look at it word for word. As I did, it allowed me to be more present. So my sister had one of her friends sing a song. She's got a beautiful voice. And Mark, I couldn't help myself. It just sounded so beautiful right in the middle of ceremony. And Mark, my comedian side couldn't shut up. And I go, nailed it. And it got a huge laugh. But it was real. It was in the moment. I didn't plan on that, but because I did my homework in preparation, I was able to just feel the moment and know that everybody in the audience felt that it was well done. She did nail it, so it was just a acknowledgement of what was real in the moment, too.

That's almost like asking for applause after a reading. Right, Darren, inside joke. Give a lady a hand. Not for the second reading.

Oh, boy.

But no, I think, though, what was important there is that you were able to also appreciate the other parts of the ceremony. A beautiful song and you being Darren saying nailed it was proof that you brought yourself, your personality to the event. Now, I'm curious, Darren, I gotta ask this question. Knowing your background in humor, what was your sister's perspective and her fiance's perspective of a humorous humorist, a funny man being the officiant, how do you reign yourself in from not being the funny guy you always are?

Well, she was very clear that she didn't want it to be, quote, unquote, a funny ceremony. But I knew I just. Because of the tension, I knew I was gonna do some anyway. But I also. It helped me to reel it back because this is her ceremony, this is what she wants. But I just knew there was some moments that I had to bring some relief to. And when I had an idea, I Couldn't not do it if I felt it was solid. So, Mark, you'll appreciate this. I used, when I was talking about, about marriage and setting that up, I said, first pages of the Bible, God creating things. God, he says, this is good. Created the earth, the sun and moon, the land and water. Donna's spaghetti and meatballs.

Ah, here you go.

And that's what she's famous for. So that got a laugh. And then he's a griller, so. And I said, anything that Dave grills, it was that rule of three. So I couldn't not do it. But Mark, my favorite one they created, the ceremony was planned a year ago, so the New England Patriots schedule was not out. Oh, and the ceremony was at 4:00', clock, which exactly when the Patriots game was going to start. Now, my sister and her husband and the families were all Patriots fans and we were in Patriots territory. So I had written a joke that in the prayer, I said, if we could please ask for forgive for everyone here. If we could please ask for forgiveness for Donna and Dave having their wedding at 4pm right when the Patriots kick off. So now if you know what's going on, I had to rewrite that joke because Cam Newton got Covid, so they had to postpone the event. They postponed the game. So now I had to go back and rewrite my joke.

But be aware what's going on. And you, Darren, to us at stage time, you are the funny guy. I'm the funny guy.

Not to my family, though.

When our daughter, our heart daughter Ashley, asked me to do the wedding, it was kind of funny. Ashley is, you know, from Georgia, she's Caucasian and I am not. I am Jamaican, clearly. And she called me her Jamaican dad. Well, I saw a wonderful opportunity during the ceremony to use some humor and to bring everybody in. And I said, I am Mark. I'm Ashley's second dad. As you know, her first dad, her birth dad, his name is also Mark. So you say. People say, wait, you're her second dad and her first dad is Mark. You're both Mark. How can they tell you apart? And I said, very simple. Her first dad is the one with the hair. And everyone just busted out laughing because they expected, well, you know, her second dad is a Jamaican one, is a dark skinned one. No, I said, he's the one with hair. And the plagues just went crazy. And I said, interestingly enough, when Zach bought the ring to engage her, he called me. I said, buddy, you got the wrong Mark. Call the other one to ask her to marry you. But I had fun with it, and it just seemed appropriate. I looked for an opportunity to give everyone there a fun experience. And with all the memorization and internalization and research and structure, forget at an event like this. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion. Bring your personality. Enjoy it. I recommend not making it too solemn. It's celebratory, so I found ways to do that, too.

Yeah. So in the prayer, I actually asked Vince, since he's my pastor, I said, is it okay to joke in a prayer? Like, is God okay with that? And he said, yes, of course it is, especially if it's for celebration. And so I turned it into my previous joke where I was talking about, you know, blessing them and thank you, God. Help us get closer to you and help them get closer to each other. And I said, and, God, for you to actually move the Patriots game for this family and for my nephew Michael, Matthew, and Dave, the husband, I said, now you're just showing off. And, like, you know, that's a line from Bruce Almighty. But it just seemed appropriate, and that got a huge laugh. And again, it was celebratory, like you said. So the heart of it was right. And I just. I couldn't not try to come up with a couple lines. That's what I'm. One of the things that drives me.

Well, I appreciate that, and I hope everyone here understands. First of all, within the context of a celebration like this, it is just that, celebratory. And if you're called upon to deliver a toast or maybe host a roast or to be a wedding officiant, you want to find ways to make sure the experience is one of joy and celebration. You want to bring your own personal experience and your own personality to the role. Don't forget, they asked you and they asked you for a reason.

So recapping the five steps. One, research. Two, find the structure of whatever kind of presentation you're doing. What is it? And you might get a few different examples, and then put together your own structure. And again, you want to be aware of flow. Three, get it all down. Everything you want to say. Mark helped me with my championship speech. Version one, Mark said, just say everything you want to say, which was 15 minutes, version 1.0. But you want to get it all out. You don't want to have to worry about moving things in. Now you compress it. Now you condense it, which is step four. Tighten it and make it your own. Make it your own words. Use that bonus bucket if you want ideas you can put in there. Because then they might flow later. And then step five is internalize. Whatever works for you, but you want to be as present as possible. I didn't want to walk on that stage, Mark, just like in 2001, regretting not working hard enough. So that's why I fall asleep. I'm listening to it. I wake up, brushing my teeth, I'm listening to it. Man, I do not like listening to my own voice. But you do what you have to do. And, Mark, one of the things that I thought was fascinating is I never really thought about wedding ceremonies. Like, what is the structure of one, even though I've been through listening to many of them. So here's what I came up with. Studying the one you gave me, studying Vinces. So these are just the sections. So each one is a paragraph or two when I put it together. Now, again, this is just the version I went with. You don't have to follow this as a officiant. I think the only thing I legally had to do was pronounce them man and wife legally, and then sign the document, of course. So first there was procession. So I don't want to give this steps, because it's not just steps. So procession. And what I needed to remember based on my study was ask everybody to please stand. Then the music came, and Deb sang her song. And then, oh, yeah, you've got to remind them to be seated. That's my job. So for procession, I had please stand song, please be seated. That's it. But that's my job. And that's that section. Second, again, I don't want to put numbers, but second was the welcome. And here was the opportunity to connect with the audience. So I reached out to them and told them, you know, thank you for being here. Again, since they're all football fans, I use a football theme. I said, you were the ones they chose to be here when they had to make the service smaller because of COVID they were only allowed people even though it was outdoors. And I said the celebration was originally planned for many more, but they were required to narrow it down to you. So that means that you are a first round draft pick. Even Tom Brady can't say that. So my very first paragraph was about the audience. And then I moved it over to talking about using the details of how they met, that they actually met in Ms. Fitzgerald's class in third grade at Julia Bancroft. But they never dated. They went through high school, but they never dated. And then even Dave remembers getting connected their senior year of Debbie Johnson's party. But again, never acted upon it yet seeds were planted. And then I talked about the first date. So that's kind of the welcome. That's where you use more of that personal content that just tells a little bit of the story. Mark your thoughts on procession or welcome.

Well, again, each ceremony can be different. Mine were much simpler. They had music. The music was a cue. They were going to get started. I didn't say much. I went up with the groom and we stood there. They heard music, and then we had people possessed. But it's very, very simple to be seated. You know, it wasn't a long, drawn out piece. And each step had a purpose. In my case, remarks about the bride and groom included how I got to know them and their relationship in the context of what I had seen, because Ashley and Zach had members of my small group at my home, and they'd meet with us and other individuals every Thursday to get my wife's wonderful cooking, of course, and to share fellowship. So I gave a picture of how our relationship grew in that environment and how their relationship grew. But again, it was part of the experience. So structurally, after the welcome and even the background and I had. There was no song that we sang at that ceremony. But I had to also give context about what marriage represents within the context of the Bible as Christians. And again, that can be very depending upon the kind of ceremony you're going to have. But the point of that piece is the interesting information about the couple that everyone there wants to share and enjoy together. That piece of the structure, I think, is important if it's missing. And in some cases, what they will do is they'll show a video of their life together and how they got to know each other, the dates they were on, that leads to the day of the wedding. In some cases, the video shows her when she was two years old than him when he was two years old. And they kind of go through this timeline, whatever that may be. It's nice to know you give those in attendance a picture of their journey together. And that, for me, was really helpful.

And I like that you said how they met, but also how you experienced their relationship. So I brought in again from that YouTube video you gave me that I studied how I got to know Dave and how I knew Dave was a keeper. So my sister's got a lot of pictures of them. So I said, and she's got many pictures of her sons. And I said, when the pictures of Dave started outnumbering those of Michael and Matthew, we knew he was special. And then I said, but then as. And this is just the truth, my experience, my connection to both of them. And I said, then as you could see how they looked at each other and how Dave treated Donna, I knew he was a keeper. So because of that, that's kind of how we got to know. And then I said, when I met his family at a family function, I knew my family just grew so very short and concise. But you got to find your way to do that or get that, in my opinion.

Well, I have to agree with you, Darren. Having the attendees get a clear picture of the relationship, the growth and the intimacy. I think it's an important part of a ceremony because we know they love each other. But getting some background is also helpful. And in a case where they choose to write their own vows, there are times part of the story comes out when they say those vows. So everyone kind of get an insider's view and the perspective of what they've experienced together as their relationship grew as well. So there's really a cool way within the structure where that can also lend itself to the experience.

It's important to the structure up front to create that connection and that warmth and almost to catch everybody up to speed. So after that, what I did in my version was the readings, and there was one reading by my sister's son and one reading by the daughter of the groom. So you may or may not do readings in yours, but these were short. These weren't readings from the Bible. These were just poems about marriage. And then after the readings, I went into about marriage, picking that up from Vince's sermon, and I just talked about biblically, how it's connected, and kind of set that up. Mark?

Yeah, I had what's called a charge, whereas I told Zach what is expected of a husband when he's newly married, and then I told Ashley what is expected, scripturally, of a wife when she's now married. Point being, there are different things you can do to engage the couple and also enlighten the attendees on what direction the marriage is going to, ceremony is going to take. It may not be a Christian wedding. It could be a totally secular wedding. And you could talk about marriage and what it should be like, love, cherish, provision, and so on, without any scriptural or biblical references. In my particular case, we agreed on the charge, this is what you should do as a Christian husband when you get married as a Christian wife is what you should do. And when you do this together, you'll grow and live your life in a powerful way and hopefully have Long, happy life together. But something there about marriage and something there about relationship is always helpful because that gives a couple a goal to strive for and also brings the attendees into an understanding of what to expect from the relationship once the marriage takes place. So it can be different, but I think it's important to lay it out as well.

Yeah. And it sets the context for the vows.

Exactly.

So the vows are next. Thank goodness they wrote them. That was not something I was going to do. And if I had to, I would have just studied vows. But I was like, check, that's done. I just had to say, dave, you first. But what was helpful, as my sister said, I'm going to be nervous, so if you could prompt me if I get choked up or something. So in my portfolio, I had their vows as well. That way I could follow along and prompt if I needed to, even though they were reading them. And then. Anything else on vows, Mark?

Well, yeah, I've done two weddings. My heart daughter Ashley, she and Zach wrote their own vows, and I had the copy with me, so they had to worry, where's my vows, my ring? I just. You go first. And they read their vows to each other, and it was very emotional. Some tears flowed. Now, my birth daughter Andreen, my princess, said, daddy, we want traditional wedding vows to have and to hold. I said, no problem. So I took traditional vows, took out the heavier these, you know, to buy Troth. No, no. What is your troth? The troth. I don't know what that is. So I modify that to keep the heaven to hold, you know, richer, for poorer, better, for worse. We kept those. And they wanted traditional. But traditional in 21st century English, not Shakespearean language. It depends on what the individuals want. But that, also verbally expressed, is for everyone to hear a declaration of their love and commitment to each other. It's a very precious portion of the ceremony.

And I got an education going through this process myself. I learned what the Declaration of Intent is. And that's when they say I do to each other. And so I took from that YouTube video you gave me, and I wrote them out. This case, not everything, but in this case, I ran this by my sister and her husband to be. Because I want. How do you want this? And they said, no, no, no, that's too formal. So I reached out to you and to Vince. I'm like, okay, how do I make this more conversational? So those are the freakout texts, Mark, that I was sending you. But then I condensed it, used some of the same wording, but much more Brief.

Yeah, I mean hereby I pledge thee my truth. What? Hereby I pledge thee my troth. I didn't want to go looking stuff up. So yeah, you want to think about again, what would they really sound like declaring their commitment and love to each other. And that's how I had the wording modified for my precious princess and her husband Roland.

Then after that I added a prayer in again. Took that from Vince Darrenized that made it a little shorter. I added the patriots joke. Then I had to change the patriots joke in that. But what do you think of prayer, Mark?

Well, you know, before that I want to point out some weddings individuals choose to have a candle, what I call the lighting of the unity candle. Some have a sand ceremony, some have the threefold cord ceremony and there are various other ceremonies that symbolize all of this. And some do it at different times in the wedding ceremony. That all depends on how they feel it should flow for them. Some do it after the vows before the rings. I don't think would be after rings but I want to be aware that that is there. As far as your question regarding prayer, especially in a Christian or religious wedding, a prayer can fit pretty much anywhere they think it's appropriate. I think though after vows are said, a prayer can seal and can confirm before God what they have chosen to declare before this company of witnesses who are there with them. So short is good and direct and concise is good for prayers. We don't want a two hour prayer thanking God and praying for the meal and for the birds and so on. You want to be mindful of the intent of the prayer and the atmosphere in which you are.

My sister had said she likes how sometimes I'm just, I don't say a word for word prayer like just at the house or if we pray or something. Just here's what I'm feeling in the moment, here's my intent, here's what we want. And she said I like that. So I did write it out from Vinces so I knew I would have the gist of what I wanted to say. But then that's one point that I didn't look down at my notes at all because that's what she wanted. And going back to those ceremonies, check and see what your bride and groom may want if it's a wedding ceremony and if it's appropriate and then fit it into the structure where you feel it flows best. Then after the prayer of the rings, this is again where I checked on the wording. This is where they put the ring at the end of the finger, and they make their promise to each other. So the rings. Mark, your thoughts on rings?

Oh, yeah. As long as the bridegroom gives the right size ring. I have seen them. Wrong ring. Oh, no, that's wrong ring. It's for her. And generally, what happens is generally you may ask the groomsman, the best man, to hold the ring for the bride, and you ask the maid of honor to hold the ring for the groom, and they will hand the ring to either you as the officiant and you give direction, or you. Is there a ring? Yes. Okay. Take everything you have from the best man, put it on her finger, and repeat after me. And, you know, you can do the witness ring. Ivy wed. You can do with this ring, I promise to be your husband forever, or you can do whatever is appropriate. What they prefer. It is their wedding. What they prefer. And the ring ceremony has been traditional, certainly here in North America and throughout the world for decades. And how that is done is really dependent on what they feel is appropriate. And you want to make it brief but very, very meaningful.

And then at the end, it's just the pronouncement. I now pronounce you husband and wife, man and wife, whatever they want or whatever you choose. Again, always take in mind what they're looking for and what matters and what you feel is right in your heart. The pronouncement, that's the legal part. You legally have to say, that I believe. But again, by the way, reminder, Mark and I are not pros in this area. We're just walking you through what two professional speakers did when they were forced out of their comfort zone to do something they've never done before. So it's just our. Our anecdotal proof, our anecdotal story. So there you go.

Anecdotal. Good word, Darren. Awesome.

So again, procession, welcome readings, marriage vows, declaration of intent, prayer rings, and pronouncement. That's just what I did. You don't have to do all of those. You might add the ceremonies in, right. You may combine them. But I needed a guideline to start with and then adjust and try it on, try it out. And Mark, one of the other things that was interesting was the setting. And we talk about this in the humor camp. We talk about this when we teach presentation skills. But now, what's right for the setting? So just. It was just fascinating because we were doing an outdoor wedding. I got there the day before, and I checked out the lay of the land. Now, I was there the morning before, and it was outside in front of a fountain. The chairs were laid out. And again, it's their ceremony, but we're the experts, and they're at least open to our opinion if that's the case in your situation. So I asked because there was this. The fountain, and there was this path in front of us, the gravel path, and then lawn on the left and lawn on the right. So they put all the chairs and the lawns, and no one was directly in front of this. And you know how I feel about having the Red Sea parted in front of you. So I requested, hey, can we get some of the chairs from the back? Is again, outside, small wedding. Massachusetts law, we can only have 40 people there and bring those to the center. And so that made it a little better. And they could have said no, in which case you got to go with the flow. The other thing, I'm standing there, I realize I'm not that tall. Neither are the bride and groom, and there's only 40 people there. And they're close, but they're spread out, so they're not even gonna see me. I just. Again, I asked for permission. I ended up. My hotel was across the street from a Home Depot. I walked across the street and bought two little step stools. They're each only about a foot long and six inches wide. So I put two. I bought two for $21, 2198, and put them next to each other. And I stood on that just to be a hair higher than them. And then the other weird thing is now the next day. So again, I walked the wedding area the day before. Now it's the late afternoon wedding. Things have changed. The sun was directly in my eyes.

Oh, you're facing west. Wow.

Oh, boy. Now that's great for the audience, horrible for me. So with permission from my sister, I asked if I could wear sunglasses. Not to be cool, but to be able to read the script. And so my nephews did the same thing because they were standing next to me and they wore shades because one of them was doing the reading. I would have done it the other way, but I would have been squinting the whole time. But again, it's their wedding. What do you want? So in the pictures, I'm gonna have sunglasses on. Why? Because the sun's right in my eyes. Mark, any faux pas or challenges in your outdoor wedding?

Well, not too many, thankfully, because we were under an arch. Beautiful farm area, a barn style wedding, but it was out on arch and.

Not a shotgun wedding. Was that barn style? Not a shotgun.

No shotguns there. But it was designed. It's a place that they use use for weddings. Beautiful setting and I was happily the way it was designed. I was two steps up so I could be clearly seen and they were one step below me and everybody else was literally on grass in the chairs. And thankfully there were no complications. There were no deer running back behind me in the middle of the ceremony, which could have happened out in the country in central Georgia, but there were no complications, thankfully in that particular case, my daughter Andreen's wedding, we had to convert a clubhouse into a wedding area and do all decorations ourselves. But that's also part of the fun experience. And you talk about how you had to adjust and adapt last minute or putting the sunglasses on the sun in your face. And you did say, though with permission, you wanted to make sure everything you did was deemed appropriate by those getting married. And if you do find yourselves having to do a one off wedding because someone you love, who loves you, asks for your help, you also want to make sure that you serve them well. And be aware that some things may or may not go perfectly as planned. But be flexible and adaptable. And remember, you want to serve them and those who come to celebrate with them. So always be your best and provide for them the experience they really want to have.

Yeah, ask permission because I did not want to be shut off from those amazing meatballs.

There you go. Boom.

If you've got this incredible challenge and honor in front of you, I hope this has given you some guidance for whatever type of presentation you have. Do some homework, ask some friends, ask some people, get a little feedback along the way. But remember, give them an experience. As Mark Brown says, not a speech. Make it fun, make it custom and just come with the intent and you'll get a lot of grace. Mark, take us home.

Yeah, and one more thing. Always, always bring your true self. Because they ask people you, because they love you. Give them an experience that they will not forget because you too can be unforgettable. Have a great week. We'll see you next week.

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